Original subtitles

? Doo-doo-doo Doo, doo doo-doo

? Doo-doo-doo doo, doo doo-doo. ?

Oh! SHE SHRIEKS

Whoo! This is really bad -

and I'm not just talking about my hair.

I'm lost in town, getting chased by mimes.

I need to get back to Midvale right now to stop a horrible,

romantic calamity!

Agh!

Fat girl, stop!

Agh!

I think it's time for a rewind!

ALARM BUZZES

Ah, it's a beautiful day and I'm feeling really positive.

The Vipers are back to their winning ways.

SPECTATORS CHEER

And, if we win next week, we'll get promoted up to League One!

That's back-to-back promotions.

Everything's coming up smelling like roses.

Oh, Jim.

Whoo! I'd give it a minute if I was you. Ha-ha!

Ugh!

And, as captain, it means I have the undying love of my grateful teamies.

Jim! What?

Aw, he loves his cereal.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha.

Ha-ha.

Ugh!

Is it just me or is Jim literally EVERYWHERE, at the moment?

I hadn't noticed.

Ah! Exam revision.

The old, er, cue card technique.

Ha! Classic. Ha.

Oh, you got a bit of substance on that one there.

You might want to wipe it off.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

So what's your point? That Jim's always everywhere.

He's not bothering me.

Who's not what-ing who? Jim!

This is a girls' conversation.

Well, I'll go and count my shuttlecocks.

Come on, team huddle.

How do we get Jim to spend more time at his own house?

Ideas - go!

Aoife, this isn't a team thing, it's a you thing.

But I'm your captain.

How about I make it worth your while?

Zara, I'll do your homework.

No, please don't.

Nyla, you can use me as a dumbbell. I already have dumbbells.

Char, I'll let you do my hair. Aoife, stop.

You can't keep relying on us.

If you've got a problem with Jim, you've got to deal with it yourself.

Fine! Well, don't come asking for my help

when your house is infested with teachers.

What now?

I'd love to do your hair.

Revision is a mug's game, mate.

I'm going to ace this exam by the power of cheating.

You can't. Holt knows all the tricks.

Not this one.

You've probably been noticing that I've been sniffling a lot

over the past few days. HE SNIFFS

Probably think I've got a cold, right?

Well, you have got a cold.

Wrong. It's all part of my plan.

I've got the answers written on a tissue.

All I've got to do is pretend I'm about to sneeze...

...and then the solution is right before my eyes.

You're both losers.

I ain't done an exam all year.

I've got a sweet scam to dodge the whole nightmare.

What about your academic record?

Well, I can't care about something if I don't know what it is.

Tell that to old sweaty.

What are you doing here, Jim?

Wanted you to have this for the exam.

He's brought me loads of luck.

I'd have done even worse without him. Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh, thanks.

LOUD NOSE BLOW

HE SNIFFS

Aw! Is Jim your dad now?

No. He's just my mum's boyfriend.

All dads start out as mum's boyfriends, you idiot.

It'll be the wedding bells soon.

And then it'll be daddy Jim for ever!

He's just everywhere.

When I go home, there's Jim.

When I go to school, there's Jim.

When I go to the gym, there's Jim.

It's just Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, JIM!

There has to be something we can do.

All done. What do you think?

Agh!

Agh. I know!

I'm blown away, too.

Ah, it's just a shame it'll wash out.

OK.

So it's not so bad.

I just need to get through the day.

I can manage that.

Oh, my goodness.

I love your new look.

And so brave of you to do that to yourself on school photo day.

Look up a little bit.

Why do I never look at my timetable?

Oh, here. Slip in front of me.

I want to be there for you when that hair is immortalised for ever.

Thanks, Jessica. That's SO kind of you.

Just give me one minute - there's something I have to do first.

SHE SHRIEKS

I did that.

If I keep running for ever, they won't be able to photograph me. Oh!

SHE SHRIEKS

Ugh!

Clanger?

Sh! You'll blow my cover.

I am hiding from an exam.

Hiding?

Disguised as a cleaner?

That's absolute genius!

I want in.

Yes!

CONOR TO HIMSELF: He's not going to be my dad.

He's not going to be my dad.

He CAN'T be my dad.

Yes!

Jim, I-I... I was wondering if...

Oh, whoa!

Careful there... son.

Ah! Er,

look, Jim,

I just wanted to ask what your intentions are towards my mum.

Like, are you considering any new steps in your relationship?

Oh.

Well, there is a big question I've been thinking of asking her.

Whoa, right. OK.

The thing is, it's quite a big change in our lives,

and I'm worried she might say no. She will. She'll say no.

Really?

HE SIGHS

Maybe you could ask her for me.

Wh... What?! No! I... I couldn't. No way!

BELL RINGS Oh, er, that's the bell.

I... I've got to flee.

Er, I mean go. Um, exam.

Sorry. Bye.

Just find one spot, right? Clean it very slowly

and don't do anything to draw any attention to yourself.

Agh! Jim's going to propose to my mum!

Whoa. No, that is completely wrong.

What am I going to do?

I need to stop him.

Think, think, think. Stop.

You're going to get us caught. Argh!

Hey! I told you.

What are you doing?

Are you from the agency?

I'm going to say yes.

Ah, typical. Ha.

All right. Come with me.

Now!

QUIETLY: Oh!

Right, get that lot loaded up -

pronto.

Agh!

Hey, look! It's Jim.

Now I've a chance.

Ooh!

Ha.

Go on. SHE LAUGHS

Ah!

What are you doing? You're supposed to be helping.

Here, hold this.

ANGRILY: Oh!

He's not seeing us. Jiggle it about.

"Do...

"..it, Jim."

You know what? I will.

I'm going to ask Brid tonight.

Thanks,

mysterious big-haired lady.

Oh!

Disastrophe!

Come on.

That was a total misfire.

But at least I've got the rest of the day to stop him.

It'll all be OK.

Come on. Give us a hand with this.

Take the end.

Hup! THEY GRUNT

Oh, my! Oh!

Go on!

Agh! Oh!

Oh!

Hey. Hey!

Let us out.

HEY! Calm down. It's not like they're going to drive off

with us in the back. ENGINE STARTS UP

Oh! Ow.

Help! Stop the van! We're still in here!

MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO

? Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!

? I lost me 'eart to blue, blue eyes

? In fields of green Under the blue, blue skies!

? Those summer days

? Were the time of me life!

? Wah, wah... ?

Ow! This is horrible!

? I lost my heart!

Hey, we can text for help.

My phone.

Where's my phone?

I must've dropped it while I was doing your stupid jiggling.

Don't blame my sign for your sloppy jiggling.

There was nothing wrong with my jiggling and I wouldn't have been

jiggling at all if you hadn't...

Wait, we've stopped.

Where are we? A long way from school.

And we need to get back before Jim marries my mum! Come on!

Oi, you!

Stop! Run! Oh!

That was terrible! And it's all because your dad

blew his nose on my answers. I've told you, he's not my dad.

Conor, I've made up my mind.

I'm going to do it - tonight.

You're going to...?

Are you sure?

Well, I wasn't, but then this mysterious big-haired cleaner

appeared before me,

holding aloft a message.

"Do it, Jim."

I think it was a sign.

I mean, it sounds like it literally was a sign.

LAUGHS: Yeah, it really was.

Better get online and browse some rings. Ha-ha.

BEN LAUGHS

You are so cooked, mate.

We lost him.

Where even are we?

Completely the wrong side of town.

Agh! Stop screaming at your phone.

Jim's gone shopping for an engagement ring.

We're out of our depth.

I need help. I need the Vipers.

And Charlotte OWES me for this hair.

I could ring my brother. He can give us a lift.

Wait, I need to ask the Vipers to stop Jim.

After I ring my brother.

Give me your phone. No!

Agh!

Could this day get ANY worse?

Please, help us.

We're lost. Former school kids.

No-one's going to believe you're a school kid dressed like that.

You look like a vampire doing community service.

Every second we are stuck here

is a second closer to Jim being my stepdad.

What are we going to do?

We could get the bus.

Yes! But how are we going to pay when we don't have our phones?

It's impossible.

Wait.

What about that weird metal stuff old people use?

You mean money?

Yeah, let's use that.

Brilliant. Have you got any? No.

But I might know how we can get some.

Innit busking's illegal for kids?

Of course it isn't.

Or is it? I literally never even thought about it. Ha!

You just beat a rhythm and I'll show off my basketball skills.

And then we'll get showered in cash.

But you don't even have a ball.

I'll just pretend, like mime artists.

Hang on, what if we're in another mime's busking spot?

Stop worrying. It'll be fine.

Ready, go.

Come on, people, cough up. Imagine how you'd feel

if Jim was going to marry your mum!

Mime artists.

I told you.

Keep very, very still.

WHISPERS: What do they want?

It's OK - I speak mime.

I once got trapped at a circus skills workshop.

They say that...

...they have permission to busk on this spot.

And if we don't move...

...they'll trap us inside of an imaginary glass box.

And they've got bows and arrows.

Run! Oh!

Do you know where Aoife is? Her phone's turned off.

I haven't seen her since Char did her hair.

She was so happy, she screamed.

She's probably gone into hiding.

No, she can't! I need her.

Jim's going to propose to Mum.

OTHERS: Aw! No, I think you're mispronouncing "aargh"!

I need to stop him. Why? It's lovely.

It's not lovely. It's a disaster.

Please, you've got to help me.

Uh-oh.

Meltdown imminent.

Right, pull yourself together.

Who is the man of the house? Er,

after Mum, you mean? Is it me?

Well, after Aoife, too, but, yes.

So you go to Jim and you say,

"Oi, stay off my turf."

Right. Good.

You could also present him with a detailed floor plan

of your house to illustrate how little free space is available.

Right. Good. Keep it coming.

Then you can give him a makeover after.

I could do his hair.

OK. Um,

maybe not that last bit, but, yes.

Let Operation No New Daddy commence.

We'll work on the name.

Argh!

Ah!

BREATHLESSLY: I mean, who knew mimes could run so fast?

Even against the wind. Wait.

I know where we are.

My Auntie Leena lives round here.

And she might have bus fare.

Good enough. Let's go!

Aoife, it's this way.

Oh, Clangy! Woo-woo-woo-woo! Auntie.

Auntie. Woo-woo-woo-woo!

Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. Auntie!

Auntie! Not in front of Aoife.

What? The Aoife?

The one you keep telling me about?

My reputation precedes me.

That awful girl that keeps getting you in trouble with the headmaster?

Whaaaat?!

Er, can we just come in?

Ah, I suppose so.

I'm keeping my eye on you.

THREATENINGLY: Uh, uh! Ah!

More pace! There you go. Jump!

Well done.

Yeah, run! Oh, hey, Conor, How's it going?

Oh, good, good.

Go! Look, Jim, er,

I'm a man, and I want to talk to you about Mum.

Ah! My favourite subject. Ha.

Apart from footy, of course. Ah.

Aha! Kidding. Ha!

Your mum is numero uno pour moi.

Right.

But you see, I... I've checked the house floor plan and...

The way she's brought you and Aoife up,

it's amazing.

I just want to say it's a privilege that you've made me

so welcome in your family.

Oh, right.

That's nice. Yeah. Ha-ha!

And, look, my phone's just made this lovely, er, photo montage.

SMOOTH MUSIC PLAYS

That actually is really lovely.

Yeah.

So, what was it you wanted to say?

The thing is, I really, really need to get back to school to stop

this horrible romantic incident.

So, please, can we just have some bus fare?

You should have thought about that before you led my lovely

Clangy astray. He's told me all about you!

Like how I'm the best baller at school?

No. Like how you flooded the school toilets

and convinced the headmaster he'd bought a sheep.

But Clanger did all of that.

Ah! Yeah, that's what you want everyone to think, isn't it?

Bad girl!

The thing is, though, Auntie,

we do need some money to get back to school.

SHE SIGHS Well, I suppose,

since you've asked.

SHE CHUCKLES

Bad girls don't get bus fare.

What?!

Oh! Could I at least use your phone?

Only if you promise to stop bothering my innocent little Clangy.

Of course.

Aw, Clangy, you've got more good-looking since I last saw you.

Oh, thank you, Auntie.

CONOR ON PHONE: Hello? Conor, it's me.

I remember his number because he sang it as a song for six months.

Aoife, what are you doing? Never mind that.

Just tell me you've changed Jim's mind.

About that, um, I think we might have been a bit hasty.

Jim's a nice guy and he's got this really great photo montage.

He's bottled it.

Just pass me to Zara.

Time to go nuclear.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

I see.

We're a team, Aoife, we've got your back.

Leave it to us.

Now to get that bus fare.

Oh! Is that

an ant?

Oh! Ha-ha!

Oh! Oh, dear, I did do that, but none of the other stuff.

Oh!

I'll pay her back. I'll definitely pay her back.

Costume alterations - done.

Letter forgery - complete.

Documents printing.

Shall we get a snack? Yeah.

CLANGER STRAINS

Ha! He's too full of cake.

Hey!

Agh!

Oh! SHE SHRIEKS

Oh-oh!

SHE GRUNTS

Oh-oh-oh!

Argh!

Now, we're back to the beginning.

Why are all the people I've annoyed so angry with me?

Bad girl, stop!

Agh!

There's a bus stop.

I'm going to make it.

Argh!

Aoife!

Phoo!

Hmm.

Oh!

Stop, leave him alone!

Get up. You can stop chasing me now.

I missed the bus.

I wasn't chasing you. I was running away from Auntie Leena.

She was trying to

wipe my face with her hanky.

Ugh!

What do they want?

They say that...

...they just want to give us our buckets back.

And that we left them at the last busking spot.

Midvale have been in touch

and I just wanted to give you a lift back to school. Ha.

Oh! Got you! OH!

You can't go without taking any cake with you, even if you are bad.

SHE SIGHS I'm sorry I took the bus fare.

I feel really bad.

Oh!

I think it's time for a replay.

When I got up this morning, Jim was completely everywhere.

Oh, Jim!

And then Charlotte gave me this hairstyle, and I was like,

"Argh!" Because it's school photo day.

So I hid out as a cleaner.

But then Conor says Jim's going to propose to my mum!

"Do it, Jim."

So I tried to stop him, but it was totally no way.

Disastrophe! And then the van drove us off

and my phone went down a drain.

Give me your phone. No!

And I got chased by some mimes - and a cakey auntie.

Bad girl, stop!

It turns out that I was so busy thinking people were bad...

You can't go without taking any cake with you.

...that I missed how nice they actually were.

I guess that's the same with Jim. ALL: Vipers!

He's the Vipers' biggest fan.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

And he really loves my mum.

So I think Conor's right. He is a nice guy!

When I get back to school, I'll tell him he's got my blessing.

Oh, no.

What about the Vipers? I've got to tell them to stop!

Aoife, you're back!

And your hairstyle looks great. Where have you been?

Never mind that, just tell me you haven't done anything to upset Jim.

If we've done anything, we've made him happy.

You could say he's feeling out of this world.

What have you done?

A letter for me?

From the Pioneer Space Agency?

Jim!

Ah, Aoife.

Have you been called up by the Pioneer Space Agency, too?

No. Listen, Jim, something really bad has happened.

I know. The International Space Station's on a collision course

with the moon and only a PE teacher can fix it.

No, not that.

What happened was I've been so caught up in what I wanted,

I forgot what makes my mum happy, which, for some reason, is you.

But what I'm trying to say is ask the question -

me and Conor will be here to support you.

Aw, that's really nice.

I will.

As soon as I'm back from space.

You're not going to space.

What?

SALSA MUSIC STARTS UP

JIM CLEARS THROAT

Brid, knowing you

has made this the best,

the happiest

year of my life.

But relationships need to change in order to move forward.

So, Brid,

I'd like to ask you

if you'd consent

to having onion rings instead of chips for our takeaway tonight?

BOTH: What? MUSIC STOPS

Oh, Jim, I would!

I LOVE onion rings. That's brilliant!

Because, to be honest, I've already bought them.

THEY BOTH LAUGH

Onion rings?!

What's all this about?

And why were you down on one knee?

I don't know. The kids insisted on it.

They were really keen I ask you this all day.

That's weird. Didn't even know they liked onion rings.

BOTH LAUGH

That's a bit disappointing.

Shame to waste all this stuff, though.

Ah!

Let's have a party!

MUSIC STARTS UP

Oh, Me-aoife!

Didn't want you to miss your photo.

Agh!

? Doo-doo-doo Doo, doo, doo-doo

? Doo-doo-doo Doo, doo, doo-doo. ?

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