Original subtitles

OUT OF TUNE: ? From this broken world we live in

? We need to stay and share the love... ?

Get off! Get off the stage.

? We know

BOOING ? What we know

? What we know-oh

? What we know. ?

What we... know.

What are they on about? It's like I can't sing or something.

SHE LAUGHS

BOOING CONTINUES I need a rewind.

Now!

Big match coming up.

I'm feeling good about it, but I'm not the only one.

Go, Vipers. Thanks, Coach.

Nice poster.

What? That old thing?

Good luck on the match on Friday.

It's a must-win, right?

Well, yeah. But when you're as good as us, you don't need luck.

Those Bears are going down.

Why are Jess' Cobras still training?

They're in the league below us, but... They've improved!

Wow! You're not completely embarrassingly awful any more!

AOIFE CHUCKLES Now get off.

It's 12:30, which means it's time for our training session.

SHE CHUCKLES Oh, I'm sorry.

Did we go a minute over?

We'll go. Unless...

...we could help you train.

Maybe a little practice match.

A practice session, you say?

Interesting.

Oh, what are you doing? Get off!

Stop resisting!

Why... What are you doing?

OK. What are you doing?

Saving ourselves! We know you.

You were 100% going to agree to that practice match

and then bet all our cash or... Jim. ..on the result.

Or something important, like my shoe collection.

Why are you assuming we'd lose?

We've lost our last two matches.

Yeah, but only just.

Statistically speaking, we're most definitely on a losing streak.

I feel really sick.

And I'm shaking.

And everyone just keeps wishing us good luck

against the Bears on Friday. It's like they know we'll need it, Aoife.

Wow, guys, woman up!

Yeah, we've lost a few matches recently,

but we're still in the top half of our league.

But the Cobras are winning theirs.

All that's happened here is, you've lost your confidence.

And smashing the Cobras, who are the league below us, remember,

is just what we need to bring ourselves back up

before our match against the Bears on Friday.

Oh, my days.

She's like a meerkat.

A vicious, glossy meerkat.

So, about that match. Are we on?

Well, Jessica...

Wow, my heart's still really going,

and my hands are quite sweaty too.

And my legs - they're shaking.

ECHOING: Lost our last two matches.

Losing streak, definitely.

Feel sick, shaking.

Must-win!

SHE WHIMPERS

No, actually, we can't.

What is happening to me?

It's happened to me too.

I've... I've lost my confidence.

SHE GASPS

Ugh, we need to find something to do.

100%. I am bored.

Only boring people get bored...

...is what my mum says, and she is clearly very wrong.

Very wrong.

You, boy, Ben, I just had a call.

Stupid plumber has flooded my house.

Something to do with a backup of rose petals.

Anyway, I need to get home and I'll be gone for a couple of days.

Tell the office. Er, yes, Uncle.

Of course, Uncle. HE CHUCKLES

But before we do any of that,

anybody want a sneaky poke around the head's office?

I mean, knowing he's not coming back to bust us.

Oh, dear me, no.

Get in!

Next.

Burger, please.

Oh, wait - I don't think I should have a burger.

Why's that? Cos we're not good enough

and we don't deserve nice things.

That's it.

Sprout curry, then.

Are you sure?

It's horrible.

Sounds about right.

Yes! Comfy chair!

Oh, dartboard.

Nice!

Ah! A bit of an expert with the old arrows.

HE CLEARS THROAT

HE CLEARS THROAT

GLASS TINKLES

Yeah. I'd like to see you do that.

Cake drawer!

Oh, Holt's really gotten behind on his paperwork.

Oh, is this a dream?

There's got to be more we can do with it.

Like what? I don't know, do I?

Look, I do the big ideas, like bringing us here in the first place.

I don't do boring little details.

Do you think these are ordered in date of receipts or...

Oh, er, right.

Well, theoretically, if no-one knows Holt's left,

we could hide out in here and be in charge of the school

until he gets back? But that is very...

It's our office now!

THEY LAUGH

Move it, lanky.

Jessica just called me lanky.

She's so cool.

What did I just say?

Shaking is just so unchic!

All these nines, they're clearly just sympathy marks.

SHE EXHALES HEAVILY

Guys, we're losing everything that makes us us.

We have to do something.

Maybe if we don't get our swag back,

then the Bears will trounce us on Friday.

DING-DONG

This is Mr Holt.

Conor, Clanger and Ben are excused from all lessons

for the rest of the week, yeah?

As they are helping me with important,

totally cool, school business.

Roger, or over, or whatever.

2,000 paperclips?!

He's got me 2,000 paperclips for my birthday?

Lol! Sucks to be you.

I think you'll find that's awesome, actually.

Yeah, I'm a big paperclip guy.

Yeah, 100%.

It's a great gift.

Some of these reports are due in tomorrow.

Maybe if I just highlight the most urgent things.

Pale pink for staff evaluations,

pastel yellow for governor's reports.

Red for total spanners. HE CHUCKLES

Will you two get involved?

Announce some new school rules.

No chance.

There's already too many baby-blue

serious disciplinary breaches here already.

Well, I've got some. Yes, mate!

OK, just keep the noise down.

I've got a hell of a lot to do here.

Slime green for escaped children.

All right, listen up.

Tomorrow will now be... Bring Your Hamster To School Day.

AS MR HOLT: And I'll also be introducing wrestling.

Sh, shut up.

A talent show. Over.

My hamster escaped.

Probably couldn't stand living with someone

so much more dumber than he was.

OK, we need to do something.

And I think I know someone who can help... probably.

Lovie, I'm not sure there's any quick fix

for building people's confidence back up.

I think it's quite a slow process.

But I don't have time to do this properly.

We're broken and our match against the Bears is this Friday!

Ooh! Get More Confident Now!

Oh, no, not that one.

Or else! Now we're talking.

We just shouldn't play.

At least that way no-one will see us lose.

SHE SHRIEKS

This is going to fix you.

I'm confident it'll work, and I can say that because I've read it.

Check it out.

Mermaid leggings.

Only an extremely confident person would be able to wear these.

There's also a whole chapter on the power of shiny clothes.

Luxury silver lame does give me life.

Other chapters include Wearing Shoulder Pads In Your Armpits.

They help absorb nervous sweat

and make you look extremely confident in a power pose.

Corridors - own them, and never, ever move out of the way for anyone.

Forms of address.

Always use bruh.

And, most importantly, criticism.

Reject any doubt or negativity as jealousy.

I don't know.

Oh, my days, Zara, can you be any more jealous?

Bruh.

Oh, I feel better. I do.

OK, let's give it a try.

This is going to be epic!

Never underestimate the power of shiny clothes

to increase confidence.

Zara!

You just can't handle my flame, Miss.

Stop trying to bring me down...

...bruh.

BELL RINGS

Express your confidence by never, ever

moving out of the way for anyone.

SHE CHUCKLES

ACTION MOVIE MUSIC PLAYS

Whenever your confidence abandons you,

wear armpit shoulder pads to absorb the nervous sweat.

Where are my armpit shoulder pads?

SHE LAUGHS

Hah!

CHEERING

Is that my science project?

It's just a clock.

You're welcome!

I'm trying to work.

10-4 to me. You've got to up your game.

Oh, I will, mate.

Watch... this.

Will you stop this?! I'm trying to concentrate.

Dinner lady evaluations are due this afternoon.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Head... head teacher? The door's locked.

It's Miss Shushy.

Yes? Mr Holt?

Erm, this is he.

Shout through.

AS MR HOLT: It's something new. I'm trying to improve staff confidence.

SNIGGERING

Uh...

Er, do you have time to...

I-I actually can't hear you.

RAISED VOICE: Have you got time to... Sh!

Find your voice. Come on.

Have you got time to meet Conor and Aoife's mother this afternoon?

SHE LAUGHS

That's much better. You've found your voice. Keep it up now.

LAUGHING: Yes! I'm proud of you.

Er, and, no, absolutely not.

I am a very busy adult man.

That's fine. Tell her two o'clock.

Yes, Head Teacher.

SHE YODELS

What are you playing at?

How are we going to have a meeting without getting busted?

I don't know, but, if my mum wants to talk to my head teacher,

I have to know what it's about.

We are so confident right now.

BOTH: Whoo! I feel like we can do anything.

Yes! Like enter the school talent show?

Yes. Yeah. I could sing!

Weren't you banned from singing at your last school?

Because people were violently... ...physically sick?

Yeah.

Haters! Trying to dim my shine.

What's your point? Yes! Go, Aoife!

Yeah. Yes! ALL: Go, Aoife!

Whoo! Brace yourselves.

This is going to rock!

Like we practised.

Mr Holt, thanks so much for...

Oh. You've...

There's a...

You've got a cat on your face.

Yes. It got stuck there.

I'm terrible with this new-fangled technology.

I'd rather devote my energy to teaching and discipline.

HE CHUCKLES

Right. Yeah. Ask what she wants.

What do you want, then? A date?

Erm, no.

Thanks. SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

It's... it's my two.

I think the pressure of school might be getting to them.

Aoife's always been so confident, but now she seems really shaken.

Oh, boohoo.

AVATAR CHUCKLES

Sorry?

That's awful. Go on.

And Conor's been up so late working.

He's a diligent, handsome lad.

But what can I do about it?

If there's a chance, maybe get them to lighten up a bit?

Remind them that they're brilliant

and that everyone needs to have fun now and then.

OK, great. Will do. Bye.

Bye. SHE SCOFFS

Did you hear that, Con-snot? She said we need to have fun.

And I completely agree...

...if I can find room in an incredibly packed schedule.

THEY GROAN

You're all entering the school talent contest.

That's brilliant.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to do a stand-up comedy act.

Brilliant. Have you done that before?

Nah, but how hard can it be?

I'm doing a karate demo.

Chah! Ooh!

I didn't know you knew karate. I don't.

Bagpipes.

Literally touching them for the first time on stage.

Exciting. Right.

Are you entering, Aoife?

Yeah, bruh. What are you going to...?

Sing, of course!

Sing?

After what happened at St Joseph's?

Yeah. It's going to be amaze.

And then we're going to play against the Bears and absolutely smash them.

SHE SIGHS This is all my fault, Mr Holt.

SHE INHALES SHARPLY

OK. Listen, girls.

Do you think maybe you're being a bit overconfident?

Is that even a thing? Yeah.

And, actually, it can be worse than being underconfident.

Nerves aren't a bad thing.

They just mean you care, that you want to win.

But losing all doubt can lead to disaster,

as I know after two boxercise classes

led to me signing up for a bout against an actual giant.

Three reconstructive surgeries.

SHE LAUGHS Guys, don't listen to her.

Aoife! Nothing's going to stop us from performing on stage

in front of everyone in school.

So back off, jellyfish.

Let's go!

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Midvale.

AS MR HOLT: Oh, er, hello, Aoife's mum.

You haven't reconsidered that date, have you?

Oh, great.

Er, what can I do for you?

Sing? She can't!

Not after St Joseph's.

Er, how did I hear about that?

Erm, everyone heard about that.

But, no, I-I totally agree.

She'd completely embarrass herself.

I'll see what I can do.

OK. Night, night.

Night. Night, night. Love you.

School talent show cancelled?!

What?! Deprive this lot of the chance to see me

unleash Aoife the Diva?

Doesn't quite rhyme, but we're just going to go with it.

This talent contest is happening.

Mm-hm.

Yes.

Should we just go to lesson?

Yeah, triple geography or listen to Conor bore on about safeguarding.

Tough choice. HE CHUCKLES

Morning!

Who wants to have some fun?

M-maybe.

Hello. This is Mr Holt.

I would like to order three large pepperoni pizzas

for immediate delivery, please.

And charge it to my account.

BOTH: Yes!

Talent show, now! Ask me how!

Cancel Holt!

Not the talent show!

Aoife, is there any chance the cancellation might be a good thing?

What?!

It's just, we've been thinking about what your mum said.

Maybe we shouldn't perform things we haven't tried before.

Things some of us have actually been told we're really bad at...

FAKE COUGHING: St Joseph's.

...for the first time in front of everyone.

OMG.

My mum's really got to them.

She's shaken their confidence.

SHE SIGHS

I have to show them how wrong my mum is... somehow.

Hang on.

I know.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Hello.

CHATTER CONTINUES

Excuse me, could you just...?

SHE GROANS

Shut up and listen!

CHATTER STOPS

Thanks so much.

So I'm going to sing a little song,

and this one goes out to my teamies

and friends.

I just hope they can realise how insanely amazingly awesome I am.

And they are too.

MUSICAL INTRO PLAYS

CROWD CHEERS

? Of all the things we've done

? We'll overcome our sadness

? And escape from all this madness

? And although... CHEERING

? We feel... ?

Well, that's how it sounded in my head.

TUNELESSLY: ? From this broken world we live in

? We need to stay and share the love BOOING

? We know

? What we know

LAUGHTER ? What we know-oh... ?

Everyone's laughing.

? What we know... # So embarrassing!

The worst part is, she's doing it for us.

Let's show her some support.

THEY CHEER

TUNELESSLY: ? From this broken world we live in

? We need to stay and share the love we know

? Share the love we know BOOING

? Whoa-oh. ?

Crushed it.

OK.

OK, ready?

This is Mr Holt.

Today the timetable will be changing.

Teachers will teach proper subjects, including,

er, fire juggling.

THEY LAUGH

Emceeing like an absolute king!

THEY LAUGH

KNOCK AT DOOR

ALL: Pizza!

Please say you've changed job.

You're going to wish I had.

HE CHUCKLES WEAKLY

What the hell is going on here?!

So, as you can see, the Vipers are back to their nervy shells

of their former selves.

So I think it's time for a quick recap.

So I came into school like, "Who needs luck?

"When you're as good as us, you don't need luck."

Those Bears are going down!

And then Jessica was like... Maybe a little practice match?

And these guys were like, "No! What about my shoes?"

Because they'd lost their confidence.

I'm shaking.

Which I did solve.

We are so confident right now.

Then my mum was like... You're being a bit overconfident.

Which turned out to be true.

And then there was the world's worst version of Share The Love We Know.

? From this broken world we live in... ?

And these guys are still saying stuff like...

Oh, well, I guess it's time to lose the game.

And... Would it be bad to just leg it?

Luckily, they've got me.

Guys, we're so going to win this.

How? Are you joking?

You guys have just embarrassed yourself

in front of the entire school.

If you can do that, then you can do this.

I still feel really nervous.

Hey, it's OK.

Nerves are good.

Remember what my mum said?

Don't be embarrassed to use the cream and it'll go away?

No!

About nerves meaning we just want to win.

We just have to use them.

And I've heard imagining the opposition as big babies also helps.

THEY CHUCKLE Let's go!

Come on!

Come on, guys.

The ball's live.

SHE BREATHES DEEPLY

I'm really nervous.

I'm free.

Yes! SHE LAUGHS

Come on!

What are you doing?

CHEERING Yes!

AOIFE'S MUM: Woohoo!

I actually really like this.

You look amazing.

Yes!

Yes, Aoife.

WHISTLE BLOWS Foul.

ECHOING: And, together, we can do anything.

? Raise your game

? Now it's your time

? Let's step on the stage

? Everybody's anticipating Get them engaged

? You wanted an opportunity... ?

CHEERING Yay!

? Be the king of the hill

? Looking like a shark fin

? Coming in for the kill... ?

The most horrific, appalling example of delinquent behaviour I've...

You'll get sick if you eat that much.

No, I won't.

The only thing that makes me feel sick is you lot.

Now, dismissed.

And you're in detention for life.

KNOCK AT DOOR Mr Holt.

Er, sorry to disturb.

I just wanted to thank you. No problem, Coach. What for?

Er, my evaluation.

On time.

Very pleased.

I think all us staff feel

that the school's just been run really well lately.

Er, and these new lessons, well...

Now, I can emcee like an absolute king!

HE BEATBOXES

Rinse it! That's me! J to the I to the M emcee!

Make some noise! HE IMITATES EXPLOSION

Boom! Whoo!

Whoo!

And also, er, the change in Miss Bronte has been a joy to see.

SHE YODELS OPERATICALLY

SHE HOLDS LONG HIGH NOTE

HE IMITATES EXPLOSION

Perhaps you weren't as disgustingly badly behaved as...

So you going to thank us, then, or what?

Thank you? Oh, no problem.

I-I'll settle for you just cancelling our punishment.

I'll think about it. Get out.

Er, hang on, what about our Pepperoni Supreme?

Yeah, it was a mega deal.

Get out! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!

Well done, Aoife. Thanks, Jamie!

Aoife, I hear you sang Share The Love We Know earlier.

Sad to have missed it.

Mock me if you like, sir, but nothing's bringing me down today.

I'm not mocking anyone.

It's my favourite song,

particularly the very touching Boyosphere version.

Er... So I've arranged for you to perform it again

on Friday in assembly.

- What?! No, I can't. - Oh, come now, girl.

What you need is a little bit more self-confidence.

Where's your swag?

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