Original subtitles

Hi-ya! Ya, ya!

So you might ask why I've got an eye patch

and I'm in an epic sword fight. Ya! Ya!

Here be the rewind! Ya!

Yes!

I'm guessing your excitement is not over this mini cheese?

We're in the final!

Oh, yes!

You said that was impossible. I know.

But somehow, the Cheetahs beat the Lions.

We squashed the Serpents.

Then we crushed the Cheetahs.

So we qualified for the final against the Comets!

AKA Team Jessica?

Do you think you can win?

I just scored 13 points in front of Jeremy and he winked at me!

Or maybe he had something in his eye.

But basically, I can do anything!

You can't eat that!

It's a car snack for Jim.

Yellow is his favourite flavour.

I can even pretend to be happy that my coach is taking my mum

on a... romantic break.

Urgh!

However, I still can't talk to Jamie without totally humiliating myself.

But I've learned with basketball,

practice makes perfect!

Everyone does this, right?

How did Jim trick your mum into going out with him?

I need tips. Is there a manual?

Even if there was, you still wouldn't be Jessica's type.

I'm everyone's type!

Fit, cunning prank master general, with no body odour...

...usually.

Do I? Everyone's obsessed.

Mum and Jim, you and Jessica, Aoife and Jamie.

It's all a bit pathetic.

Zara!

It's OK, Mum, I'll get it.

Oh, Jamie, you're so funny.

I've been waiting for this moment.

What? You want to kiss me?

Aoife, I'm downstairs!

Huh! Nothing!

Would you care to peruse our extensive range of beverages?

I'm not staying long.

We have flasks.

May I suggest a divine elderflower cordial,

which is particularly refreshing on the go?

Conor, stop being weird.

I wasn't! Was I?

RECORDING: Oh, Jamie, you're so funny.

I've been waiting for this moment.

Jackpot!

Where are you girls off to?

To celebrate our win with a ceremonial joining of ice cream

and chocolate sauce. Laters!

You were being kind and mannerly. Girls like that.

And good dental hygiene.

I thought girls like epic prank masters.

What wally told you that?

Oh, hi, Clanger.

So, now that we've toasted our amazing success...

Mm! Yummy tick.

...next on the agenda, how's Aoife going to ask out Jamie?

She should pin a love poem on a collar of an adorable puppy!

Cringe.

She should appeal to his brain with a riddle.

What can you break even if you don't touch it?

Wind. The answer's a heart!

Oh.

She should just rock up and be like, "Oi, Jamie, are you in or out?"

Decided on your tactics with Jamie.

Be bold, fearless... ...and a teeny bit rude.

Yes, I like it!

Great! Go ahead.

Perhaps more research is needed.

It's good that Jessica's OK with it, anyway.

You did ask her permission, didn't you?

Why do I need her permission?

It's six days until the final.

Last thing we need is beef with the Comets' best player.

So she's Jamie's ex. Who cares?

ALL: She does!

And you should too, if you really care about this team.

Well, when you put it like that, I can't really say no, can I?

Can I?

Thought not.

Here is a list of all the lists I've left around the house.

I don't see the list for the goodies that you've left us

to ease your mummy guilt at going away.

That's because I don't feel guilty.

It's a short trip, and Jim and I are very casual.

It's just a few flowers.

Your bags, Your Highness?

Clanger's on the case.

Literally.

Come on, get up.

Oh!

Your chariot awaits! The chewing gum scraped out as promised.

THEY GIGGLE

Ooh!

The good biscuits are in the cupboard under the stairs.

You can have some too, as a tip.

Result!

Be good for Uncle Ben!

He'll be here when you get back from school.

Bonne fromage!

We've learned an important lesson here today.

That we have good biscuits?

Yeah. And the whole manly thing really does pay off.

So when are you going to try it on Jessica? Tonight.

Here, at your party.

Despite the name, Fun Uncle Ben is definitely not fun.

We can't have a party if he's here. IF he's here.

DIAL TONE No. Hi, it's Ben.

Leave a message.

Hi! RECORDED VOICE: Uncle. Uncle. Brother.

Ben. Ben. Plain old Ben.

I'm feeling sick, so I'm staying at home.

Don't come. Or else...

Or else, you'll get sick too.

COUGHING

Yuck!

It's party time!

FAKE LAUGHING

Ugh, look at her. She's so fake!

Hey, Jess!

Well done on the final.

Same to you, Aoife!

Silver will be such a good colour on you guys.

Joke's on her. Silver brings me out in a rash!

So I was going to ask Jamie out.

He's a baller, I'm a baller.

We have a lot in common. But the girls said I need, like,

your written permission or something.

Oh, don't be silly.

My verbal permission is fine.

Oh, OK. So can I? No.

Will that be all?

What's she going to do about it?

Jump between us every time I try and ask him?

Jamie...

ARGH!

So, did Jessica submit?

Um, maybe I can phrase this in a way that's not technically lying.

She was actually surprisingly quite nice.

Like tuna on a pizza? Exactly.

You should ask him right now!

No, Jessica! It's the perfect time.

Just let me dab your insta tan.

By the way, if you see Jessica, maybe don't mention this to her.

PHONE RINGING

Hey, Mum, how's your trip?

Aoife? The signal's bad.

And I think Jim might be a little lost.

Not lost. Just taking a tour of some local highlights.

Did you phone Funcle Ben and pretend to be me?

No. Was I supposed to?

Your brother's up to something.

Do I need to come home?

Next stop, the pencil museum.

The what?

It's OK, Mum. I'll find out what's going on.

I was going to take you to the broken pencil museum,

but that would have been pointless!

THEY LAUGH

Here we are. Party invites. I think Zara's going to like the theme.

Zara? Jessica's name is not Zara.

Keep up.

Don't tell them about the party.

Ooh! Did someone say...

...party? You had one job!

Strategy board game tournament party?

This is why you pretended to be mum to Funcle Ben?

That was your theme idea?

Who wouldn't enjoy reliving the military endeavours

of the Roman Empire?

It sounds awesome!

Maybe it's a good thing the party's off.

Hang on. This is the perfect way to see Jamie

outside of school without Jessica.

The party stays on.

What about Mum? I'll handle her.

And I'll be assuming control.

I'm changing the theme.

So what's the new theme?

I'm seeing unicorn water features in your hallway.

No. No unicorns.

But you guys can help me with this.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Why do you want to know the best party I ever went to?

For a history project. Vital research.

And if you don't tell us, we'll all fail school.

And blame you.

OK, well, I'll have to think.

We need this data instantaneously.

Answer quickly, pretty boy.

Right. OK.

Um, best party ever?

My seventh birthday party.

We can't be lost.

There's that squirrel from the brochure.

PHONE RINGING Aoife? Hi, Brid.

It's brother Ben here, actually.

I popped by the school on the way to your house.

Here's Aoife to confirm my story.

Hi, Mum. Uncle Ben's here. Everything OK?

He sounds a bit formal.

Yeah, he said something about a job interview later.

Anyway, got to go!

Aoife? LINE GOES DEAD

And that is how it's done! Break out the good biscuits!

We have good biscuits? I've seen them myself.

Excellent! Now let's see what Jamie-inspired party themes

the others have discovered. Check it!

ALL: Arrrr!

This seemed a lot cooler on paper.

Jamie loves pirates, ever since his seventh birthday party.

Nostalgia is on trend.

The past is the future.

Anything with a skull and crossbones wins my vote.

Pirates captured Caesar, so your original theme lives on, in a way.

Wait. Pirates have Mrs Colgan's dog?

She means Julius Caesar, the Roman Emperor?

Not your neighbour's pug.

Is this a bit weird?

I mean, should we really be doing this?

Pirates are so cool! Are you really going to do this?

We arrrrr!

Citizens of Midvale!

My name is Captain... er, No Beard!

And this canteen is now under my control.

Be warned!

You're all invited to my shindig, but you'll need an invitation

because we're limited on spaces.

No!

Sadly, list is full.

Will that be all? No, it isn't.

My house. My party! MY party.

This is mutiny. It's lame anyway.

This is it!

No more Mr Nice Clanger! Fight!

It's Holt! Run!

Thanks to this infantile display, my lunch is now cold.

Nobody likes cold soup.

The Spanish people do.

Gazpacho.

I'm also quite partial.

Perfect on a hot day.

Why thank you, soup professors, for that fascinating insight

into your specialised subject - boring everyone to tears!

I'm putting my minestrone in the microwave now.

When I return, I want whoever is responsible for this

pirate lunacy to confess.

Otherwise, you'll all spend the rest of your lives in detention!

If I own up to it now, he'll call my mum and the party

will be cancelled! Justice!

You deserve a flogging!

What happened to Mr Nice Clanger?

Maybe he'll take the fall for this.

But only if you invite Jessica.

Why her? There's literally so many other girls.

Lindsay Smith just got her braces off.

Yeah, and now she's pretty much always doing this...

It's weird. But Jessica's going to ruin everything

between me and Jamie.

Look, if you invite Jessica, I'll keep her away from Jamie.

Why would you do that?

Because now that I've looked deep within, I realise that I...

You know what? I actually don't care.

Deal!

So the canteen battle, whilst unplanned,

got everyone super psyched for my party!

It's so weird.

I was just talking to your friends about my pirate party,

and now you're having one.

I know, almost like it was planned!

Except it totally wasn't.

Uh, I'll see you later, then?

I mean, slightly weird he likes pirates,

but at least I'll have him all to myself,

and there's nothing Jessica can do about it. Ha-harr!

Still need to work on that one.

CLEARS THROAT

Please accept a personal invitation to my party,

and a selection of good biscuits if you say yes.

Hey, pirate buddy!

Please don't call me that.

It's so nice of you to let Aoife ask Jamie out.

Love rules!

It's not like you had a choice. He obviously fancies her.

It was still a nice thing to do.

Hopefully he says yes.

You mean she hasn't asked him yet?

That's what the party's for.

Jamie's loved pirates ever since he was little.

That's true!

But not as much as clowns.

Really? Oh, yes.

He had one at his fifth birthday party,

and I don't think he'll ever, ever forget it.

Aoife needs this fresh data, now!

Oh, Clangy!

Does this mean you'll come?

I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Yes!

Hey, we're parrot pals!

Hey, we're parrot pals!

Only we are allowed to make fun of Zara.

But I was being a parrot.

You're not Jessica.

Thankfully! Hair's not supposed to be that shiny.

Only in dreams.

Coats!

I'm still doing manners.

What time did Aoife book the clown for?

Change of plan!

Why hire something Jamie loves,

when I can BE something Jamie loves?!

You complete me, Aoife.

Stop it!

It's like a kids' party. Yeah.

I think that's why I kind of like it.

I always remember your fifth birthday.

Don't even go there! What was it again

that totally freaked you out?

Here's Chuckles!

JAMIE GASPS

I need to go into the other room, right now!

Not the reaction I'd hoped for.

Oh, yes! Now I remember.

Jamie has an extreme phobia of clowns.

Silly me!

I'll go make sure he's OK.

He hates clowns? He hates me?

OK, let's do a recap.

So I've been crushing on Jamie.

Jamie?

And I was all set on asking him out.

But then Zara was like, "Make sure Jessica's cool with it."

You did ask her permission, didn't you?

But Jess was like... No...

And so I threw an awesome party for Jamie and dressed up

as a clown! And he was like, "Ah, my eyes!"

I need to go into the other room.

So now I'm going to...

...hide in my room for the rest of my life!

Come on, Aoife, it's not your fault.

Only a smeeny bit.

What if every time Jamie sees me, all he can think about is clowns?

I'm finding it hard myself, but that's probably just me.

Maybe a few other people?

You need to change!

I know, I'm too impulsive!

I always bagsy the last doughnut, and my feet are massive!

Your outfit?

There is no problem that can't be solved with clothes.

What's in this cupboard?

Nobody! I mean, nothing!

Maybe my mum's got something useful.

So, uh... Would you care to peruse our extensive range of beverages?

What?

May I suggest a divine elderflower cordial,

which is particularly refreshing on the go?

Why are you being so weird?

Hey, come on, cheer up.

Why did the clown go to the doctors?

Can you please stop talking? Can you stop?

Yeah, OK. Sorry.

It was because he slept funny.

That was the punch line.

I'll take it from here, Conor.

You look amazing!

I slay!

? Hey!

? Hey!

? Hey!

? Hey! ?

Have you seen Jessica?

Oh, let's take the pirates apple bobbing!

? Hey! ?

You need to help me with Jessica. What?

No, I'm in the lead. You owe me!

Oh, come on, Clanger. It's OK.

Jessica's just not that interested. Why not?

I was polite and mannerly.

Mannerly's not even a word. Yes, it is.

Yes!

Off to the galley for a drink.

? You can't see the woods for the trees... ?

The dancing... My dancing is very good.

THEY GIGGLE

That's it. Time to get prankerly!

? Back to you

? Back to you... ?

OK, so update.

He's laughed at all my bad jokes and looked me deeply in the eyes.

Twice!

Three times!

So, thanks for inviting me.

It's been fun. I mean, daft, but fun.

Yeah, that's what I was going for.

Heart fluttering!

RECORDING PLAYS: Oh, Jamie, you're so funny.

Uh... OK. Thanks.

RECORDING: I've been waiting for this moment.

Yeah. Yeah, I have too.

Wait, how are you doing that?

RECORDING: Wait, you want to kiss me?

Oh, please, no!

RECORDING: Oh, Jamie, you're so funny.

I've been waiting for this moment. LAUGHTER

RECORDING: Wait, you want to kiss me?

Oh, Jamie, you're so funny.

MOCKINGLY: Oh, Jamie, you're so funny.

This is worse than a thousand clowns.

Somebody please save me!

What have you done to my house?

And why are you all dressed as pirates?

And why have you got an inflatable pencil?

My old one burst. Everyone out!

Including the scarecrow.

Oh.

You know, I had nothing to do with that, right?

He's your friend. Aoife's ours.

Your girlfriend's mad!

She's not my girlfriend. And she's not going to be,

because you ruined that, too.

Oh, so? Who needs that stupid love stuff when you're a prank master?

Gross. Stupid. Rubbish.

But that's enough about the party.

I don't want to talk to you.

Well, what about him?

Clangy said the whole video thing was a deep fake?

It's amazing what you can do with technology!

Forget it. It was real.

Oh! You idiot! Go home, Clanger!

Tell Conor I tried my best.

Um, I have to go.

I have, uh, bin juice.

Bin juice?

Oh! Wait, wait a sec.

Before Clanger came, I was hiding here waiting for you anyway.

Um, OK. Sorry. That sounds weird.

Um, I mean, I was just watching you through the window and...

OK. Also weird.

Is that actually verbal diarrhoea? Thought that was my thing.

Look, what I'm trying to say, badly, is that I want to talk to you.

If this is about the video, I know how to kiss!

I mean, I've done it loads!

Well, not loads.

See? It is my thing!

Yeah, I've done a bit too, but not with anyone that I really liked.

What about Jessica?

Yeah, I mean, she's lovely.

Urgh! Really?

But she's not you.

I like you.

Oh, this is happening, and it couldn't be more perfect!

Aoife! Toilet's blocked.

Some idiot left a clown wig in there.

Here, put it in the bin. Urgh! I've got to go.

He likes me!

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