Original subtitles

WHISTLE BLOWS

Boo! Boo!

The truth is I totally deserve this.

Boo! But let me tell you... Boo!

But let me tell you...

But let me tell you why!

Students versus Teachers Week.

Is that even a real thing?

Coming home! It's coming home.

It's coming home.

Students versus teachers is very real.

A whole week where Midvale teachers and students go head-to-head,

competing for the Crispy Crisp Cup.

Ooh, shiny!

Tacky, yet desirable.

Like Versace.

The students have never won it.

What? Why?

Because the teachers always stack the odds in their favour.

And the topic for the teachers versus students quiz will be...

? Are you ready for this? ?

...Advanced Thermodynamics.

Yay!

Urgh!

Let the arm wrestling commence.

APPLAUSE

KNUCKLES CRACK

What? That's not fair.

And the Speed Colouring In Challenge starts in three, two, one.

WHISTLE BLOWS

WHISTLE BLOWS

What?!

Urgh!

That's awful.

It's so unfair.

If I was a teacher, totally what I would do.

It is unfair.

But this morning the students won the crossword,

the cross-country and the cross stitch.

We never win those.

Do you see what that means?

That there are way more events beginning with "cross"

than you'd think.

It means that if everything goes how it normally does...

Football, badminton, knitting,

warfare on the waters to them.

Welly launch, word search, high jump,

and swim to us.

If this happens, then...

Ta-ra-ra-ra!

...the Crispy Crisp Cup is decided by the teachers

versus students basketball match.

We usually get destroyed. But this year

we're a much better team.

All cos of you.

Aw. Not ALL cos of me.

No, not all cos of her.

Definitely had something to do with it, though. For whatever reason,

our team will finally be the ones to bring home the Crispy Crisp Cup.

We'd go down in school history.

We'd be heroes.

Really popular ones.

Cos of me.

Again, not ALL cos of me.

This is huge.

Of course, if the football team win their match, it won't matter

what we do.

Oh.

23-0. Yeah!

We just lost 23-0. Woo!

I can't believe it.

Yes!

Aw, just heard the news.

Losing to the teachers like that,

you must be so embarrassed.

But it just looks like the Vipers are going to have to kick some

teacher butt instead!

Cos you guys certainly aren't up to it. Losers!

If your sister brings home the Crispy Crisp Cup?

The gloating.

Oh!

She's bad enough when she just wins at breakfast.

Ha! In your face.

In your actual face!

Loser!

Stupid Aoife cannot win that cup.

But what can we do to stop her?

What you doing?

I was just checking the competition.

GIGGLING

But then I got a message from Dylan saying he's moving away.

Oh, yeah. His mum got a new job.

This is the worst news ever.

I mean, I'm never going to love again.

Wait, who's that guy?

That's Jamie. You can't fall in love with...

Jamie.

Woo!

Too late.

He's Jessica's ex.

And he's a baller.

Wait, I thought Dylan was Jessica's ex.

Jamie's Jessica's ex from kindergarten.

Anyways, can we focus on the game, please?

There's literally nothing to see.

Jim's playing for the teachers!

Well, he is a teacher.

He's also our coach.

Traitor! Chill.

None of them have any skills whatsoever.

Wouldn't clap that, sir.

It's actually a bit of a shame there's not more riding

on this match, because we're actually so winning it.

Wait. Brilliant idea.

Sir?

Mr Holt, sir.

This match on Friday,

fancy making it a bit more interesting?

What are you thinking? I'm not, really.

I'm just making this all up as I go along.

What about if the students win the cup,

then we get a day off school?

A, you won't.

And B, why would I agree to that?

Because if you win the cup, then on Friday we'll stay

after school and clean up the mess.

Um...

Aoife...

Deal.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Bad idea.

It's a great idea.

We'll win, everyone will adore us, including Jamie.

Look.

Oh. Aoife, if we lose and everybody has to stay behind on Friday,

the whole school won't love us. They'll hate us.

It's like she thinks I don't know a bad situation

when I see one.

It's fine. I'll sort it.

LAUGHING

OK. So unexpectedly Holt held us to the bad deal.

What are we going to do? Change schools, obvs.

No, don't worry. I have a plan.

I've invited Jim round to my house.

We can lock him in the cellar

and if anyone asks, we haven't seen him.

I love it. No, we ply him with mallow biscuits, his favourite.

And we remind him that he's our coach and shouldn't be playing

with the teachers. Plan?

That's unless you have any better ideas?

That are legal.

ALL: Plan.

How late is Jim now?

Way beyond fashionable.

Maybe he was coming, but he had a terrible accident.

Here's hoping.

Let's go find him.

I'll grab the jam puffs. Follow me!

What?

Just tighten that last lug nut.

You're my hero.

Jim! Oh.

Aoife, did I miss your little tea party?

Mallow biscuit party in your honour.

Oh, sorry.

I got sidetracked by this lovely lady.

Like a wildebeest being chased by wolves...

...stopping to admire some sweet, stocky grass.

Does that make me the grass?

Yeah.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh!

Jim's not that funny.

He's not funny at all.

Get off! Oh, you get off!

Right, I've got an idea on how to stop Aoife.

So the students always lose knitting, badminton and warfare

on the waters. Right.

So we win one of those events

and no-one will care about Aoife's game.

The students will have already won the cup.

What do you think?

That I've always wanted to play badminton.

Actually, I was thinking I could... Stand back

while I destroy the teachers? Great plan!

Give me that.

No!

Ah!

Oh! Stupid net!

Ah!

Take up your knitting needles.

WHISTLE BLOWS Give us your knitting sticks!

I've got this, new boy. Trust.

Winner!

C6.

BOAT HORN BLOWS

No! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Ah! Yes!

Stupid plan. It's OK.

We'll find another way to stop Aoife.

Dearest Clanger, huge thanks from all the teachers.

You don't need to thank him.

You would have won those events anyway.

Oh, I think somebody didn't see the badminton score.

And now serving to win the match for the students...

Give me that!

No!

Ah!

WHISTLE BLOWS Yes!

Stupid net!

Ah!

Yes. If we'd lost the badminton, there's no way we could have won

the Crispy Crisp Cup.

But in came darling Clanger.

Do you know? I think you're my favourite student.

Well done, mate. You were awesome.

We love you.

You're my superstar.

Well done. You're the best.

I'm a hugger.

Teachers used to call off sick when I was in their class.

Never knew what I'd do next.

Now I'm their favourite student.

What have I become?!

Hey, guys. Listen up!

OK, so I couldn't persuade Jim not to play, but fall-back plan -

we beat him on the court

and then practise every moment we get up until the match.

Apart from nine to ten on Wednesday.

I've got a cactus juice foot scrub.

Bleh!

Anyway, I've got some ideas on tactics that should help.

Um, Aoife...

Here to spy on us, are you?

No, um...

To ask, how does your ma feel about heights?

Specifically, being dangled from dangerous ones?

Are you threatening my mother

to get me to throw the game?

Bold move. I'm actually quite impressed.

No, I want to take her to the local zipline park...

Woo!

...on a date.

A date! Yay!

A date?

I thought the cactus juice foot scrub was gross.

Why?

I think she's smoking hot.

Like a burnt potato.

So will you ask her?

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes!

And the fact that Jim wants to take my mum to a zipline park just shows

how weird he is.

She'll never even think of dating him.

Can't believe I'm going ziplining.

Mum, you can't.

Look, this is what happens when people go ziplining.

Crash into a tree, broken arm. Crash into a bridge,

broken collarbone. Crash into a cow, concussion!

And that was just the cow.

I'm not going to crash into a cow.

But then there'll be nothing to break your fall.

I'll be fine.

I like the idea. It's different.

Mum, you can't. Nobody does it on a first date.

It's like eating extra garlic cheese fries on a date.

Nobody does it. Oh, garlic cheese fries.

We are totally going for those afterwards!

Don't wait up.

Good luck, Vipers!

Can I have your autograph?

Selfie, Vipers!

You've got this, Vipers!

Oh! Must stay focused!

Mum has been on two dates with Jim in the last 24 hours.

Aw, that's so sweet.

No, it's not sweet, Charlotte.

It's gross.

We need to stop this. I think I might know how.

Operation Lethal Man Trap?

Back off, O'Neill. Or we'll sue. What? Mm-hm.

We heard Jim's missed the teachers' last two training sessions

cos he's been out with your mum.

Jim's a smitten kitten.

Grr!

So the best thing you can do is nothing.

But I can't do that.

You can. Do that and we win the match,

and the students win the cup.

And this is our life forever.

Good luck, Vipers! I love you, Vipers.

That does sound good.

And then there's the Jamie factor.

But if I don't stop Mum and Jim now, I'll most definitely end up wearing

a bridesmaid's dress to their wedding.

Oh!

Mm! Compliments to the chef.

GIGGLING

Any minute now he's going to tell her another lame joke

and she's going to, ha, LAUGH AT IT. Again.

Hey, Brid, did you hear about the apple pie

that had to go to the dentist?

It needed a filling.

I need to stop this. No!

Keep calm and ignore the adult canoodling.

But it's making me feel sick.

Just think of the Crispy Crisp Cup.

You can be sick into that.

Oh, Jim, you make me smile.

And you make me...

Well, you make me feel something

I haven't felt for...

SIREN BLARES

Whoa! Stop, stop, stop!

Disgusting! Please, stop!

This woman, first thing she does in the morning is burp

and then last thing at night, say, "Time for bed, Zebedee."

As for him, well, he names his nasal hairs.

And I once saw him eat a chocolate bar with a knife and fork.

Still want a smooch?

Well, yes.

I don't mind that Jim isn't your typical man.

I actually find it endearing.

But it's obvious you have a real problem with us dating.

So for that reason,

if you really want us to stop seeing each other, we will.

Is that what you want?

Yes! Great.

Um...

You've got to snap out of this.

If we're going to stop Aoife... It's not about Aoife now.

I don't know who I am any more.

Don't you see?

A teacher hugged me.

You're still you. King Clang.

The guy who drilled a hole in the floor in DT,

made Mr Johnson so angry he punched a chair.

Holt said I'm his favourite student!

PHONE: In the depths of sorrow, the way ahead can seem clouded

by dark misery.

Yet we can still find...

Hey, Mum. Can you talk to Clanger?

Give him one of your trademark inspirational pep talks.

So go forth.

Find your joy.

You may need to look where others may not seek it

in the crevices of your soul.

What have you done to Mum? I've done nothing.

Nothing at all.

She's burning incense and cleaning.

She's listening to Eat, Despair, Cry.

I'm just at school a couple hours before it starts.

Because that's how much I like school!

Not because I just need to get out of the house

because my very sad mother is being sad.

Definitely not that.

Ah! Don't hit me. No need. Have you seen Jim?

Uh, yeah. Last night, when I put an end to the romantic canoodling.

You were there. We came to do some early practice, and we found this.

HARMONICA PLAYS

Watch. Hey, Jim. Catch!

Jim, try this one.

Yeah, I'm not going to do it, because I just did my nails.

But you get the picture.

? I will never play ball again

? While pining for my true love. ?

You broke him.

We're totally going to win the cup.

GHOSTLY MOANING: Aoife!

Aoife!

Jeez, wake up!

Oh! Nan?

No!

I am the Spirit of Love Lost.

Brid deserves happiness.

Plus, when she's in good form,

she's there to motivate her son's

friends and give them a good kick up the astral plane.

Conor!

Mum's nightie?

Why?

Supernatural is the only way to get to you.

Fair.

OK, so I was selfish.

Now get out!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

So do I do the right thing and give my mum and Jim my blessing?

Urgh!

Or do nothing and give the Vipers their best chance at victory?

CHANTING

Five minutes.

We've got this.

Now's our time to flex.

CHEERING

Aoife, flex with me.

Nah, I might not.

Did I miss something?

Why is Jim back on their team?

Gosh.

How unexpected.

I wonder how this has come to be.

I might have made a few calls.

Fall-back plan. Remember, we beat them on the court,

we can do this.

I'm his favourite student.

Maybe we should just make the best of this.

Support the girls? Huh?

You know, if Aoife wins, we do get a day off school.

No.

No, I can't.

I need to find my joy.

Like your mum's Eat, Cry, Despair tape said.

It's the only way back to myself!

How are you going to do that?

Clanger! Oh!

SHOUTING

Yes, yes! Yes!

CHEERING

Yes! Yes!

Yeah!

Come on. The teachers are wiping the floor with us.

Get your head in the game.

CHEERING

Come on, Aoife. Head up!

Oh, referee!

That's more like it, Aoife!

WHISTLE BLOWS

They're shouting our names, and it's not in a rude way.

It's so nice.

Welcome to our new life as queens of the school.

We will rule wisely and well, unless they cross us.

Then death.

CHEERING

This is definitely going to be OK. Right?

YES!

What?

No.

Come on!

Ooh!

Ah! What's going on?

Someone's blown the leccy.

It's raining.

Inside?

Yes! Yes!

You've flooded the toilet.

Why would you do this?

You stupid, mindless, destructive idiot!

That's detention for life.

Don't even care! I'm back, baby!

You did it! You found your joy.

Oh, Clanger!

Right. Some idiot has flooded the toilets,

so we'll have to abandon the game as a draw.

No way!

Actually, thinking about it...

Teachers Versus Student Week was a great chance for the Vipers

to be heroes and go down in school history and win

the Crispy Crisp Cup.

And then Dylan left. Sadness.

But I think I might be slightly in love with Jamie.

Yay!

And then my basketball coach was unexpectedly good at basketball

and really unexpectedly attracted to my mum.

Whoa, stop, stop, stop!

I soon put a stop to that, but then Jim lost his mojo.

Mum was sad, too.

I got them back together, but now Jim's top baller skills are back

again as well.

So a plain draw doesn't sound so bad.

Fair enough. Aoife, no.

Think. We didn't win the game, so no day off.

We didn't lose the game, so no cleaning up.

Uh, no. What was it you said?

"How's about if the students win the cup,

"we all get a day off school?"

Oh, no.

Yeah. That is a terrible impression of me.

What? When you made the deal, you said the cup, not the game.

Yeah. So? If nobody wins the game,

the cup's a draw, too.

Yeah, but as defending champions,

in the event of a draw, the teachers retain the Crispy Crisp Cup.

They win it.

Oh.

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes!

In your face!

Yes, yes.

So you will be cleaning the school on Friday night.

And I know exactly where you can start.

Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo!

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