Original subtitles

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ALARM RINGS Hurry up, everyone! This way.

Aoife, quick! Before the sprinklers go off.

Yes, I'm going as fast as THEY can.

OK, so it should be obvious why I'm dressed as a tree

and being evacuated from the school.

So...

...we have our first big match coming up

and we're going to totally trash them.

It's slay time.

I've got a few killer moves. Chill!

I got this.

But... It's fine. I'm on tactics.

Zaza - admin, Chaza - style queen, and Jim is on inspirational quotes.

Dream it. Wish it. Do it. Vipers!

I just need you to do your usual job. Which is?

To instil fear. So I'm the mindless muscle.

GRR!

GIGGLING, WOLF WHISTLE

This plan's going to be sick.

Everyone's going to think you're Alejandro, Conor.

So who is...

Who was that? The exchange dude from Spain.

Does he have a name?

And/or girlfriend? And/or fluffy cat?!

His name is AleJANDRO with a J.

AleGANDRO.

Ale-JJJ-andro.

Alejan-JO?

Just call him Alex.

Aaah!

Spanish exchange student.

His name is Alej...

...Alex.

Stop!

Fit new boys are a no.

We need to focus on winning our first match.

Nothing else.

Well, I agree. I worry you're slightly obsessing over this.

Uh, that's SO not true.

It's just something you do now.

Like, we just have to get used to it,

but, yeah, you need to have a break.

Don't obsess over it.

Why are you so obsessed about these things?

Grades are important too. McDonald's giving us a test on this soon

and you are way behind.

Miss McDonald, she's a total pushover.

I'm just going to waltz in there and be like,

"Hey, you don't scare me,

"Miss-TER Holt!"

Uh-oh! Where's Miss McDonald?

Broken tail bone.

Miss McDonald has a tail?!

Weird.

I will be taking over her lessons.

But what about the school play?

I've already bought tickets.

It's Romeo And Juliet - a tragedy.

The tragedy is that while Miss McDonald is absent,

I will have to venture into our dungeon of a theatre downstairs

and direct the play myself.

If he's so tied up with the play,

maybe he'll stop nabbing our gym time

for his precious football team...

...who, of course, are super important.

Aoife, your grades must be exceptional

if you've got time to worry about my team's schedule.

Oh, look! They're not.

Better sort that quickly or there'll be detentions.

Detention. There's no s.

It's plural, which means more than one.

#Not a good start.

STUDENTS LAUGH

Detentions plural will seriously limit my training time.

I need to be here to get us this win.

I? It's not just about you.

You know what I mean.

If I have to study, then I can't train.

And I just don't understand Romeo And Juliet.

Fear not. I shall educate thee.

Now, let's start with a discussion on the major themes - love

and how it can make you literally...

Aaah!

Why didn't you tell us that Alex is your cousin

and that he's literal hotness?

Hang on. You're telling me Alex is my Spanish cousin?

Yes, and Conor has gone to Spain in his place.

Conor's gone to Spain?

Oh, he's gone away?

Oi!

Aoife, you have to... study.

SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS

Oi!

Aoife, hi.

Sorry, I'm a bit busy right now.

I know what you're up to, CONOR.

Or should I say Alex?

Alex? Who's that?

The Spanish exchange student who you're pretending to be.

Don't be ridiculous.

What would make you even think that?

Because you're still wearing Mum's fake tan.

All of it.

Only a bit!

It's a healthy glow.

No, your cover's blown.

Cover! What? Why?

Spanish test coming up.

So... Why make a Spanish person take a Spanish test?

That is literally...

Genius. ..the dumbest plan ever.

This is advanced level.

If it works, I'm using it for French.

Just keep it a secret, please.

A - you both keep me out of this stupidity

and B - full rights to the comfy chair until Christmas.

Ugh!

? My own, my home

? My... ?

Do it!

All right. Deal.

This is never going to work.

I mean, who's even going to fall for it?

Buongiorno, mine amigo.

How did she not notice her own brother went to Spain?

Yeah. She's too busy acting like she's our all-round saviour.

I know and she always pairs red with hot pink.

But she just wants us to win.

That's why she's being such a drama queen.

Yes, she is a drama queen.

Anon! I know how to make her study.

Welcome to the Vipers' production of Romeo And Juliet.

Who are you even talking to?

There's no-one in the audience.

The world's a stage, Nyla.

Someone's always watching.

Is there a quick trailer I can watch?

We really should be practising for our first winnable game.

No! Total immersion will help you understand this play

and love the theatre...

BELL JANGLES ...but hands off the set,

or Holt will literally kill us.

Rehearsals, people.

Oh, Romeo, Romeo!

Come watch us winneth our match on FRIDAY.

Wait, I thought I bagsied Juliet.

Oh, well, I'm on the balcony now. You can do the nurse bit.

Never was seen so black a day as this.

Wow. Excellent, Nyla!

You should really be a nurse when you grow up.

Now, in this scene, Romeo is hiding under Juliet's balcony.

Right. So that's not creepy at all.

So, blah blah. They chat for a bit

and then they go practise their free throws

ready for their upcoming match.

They exchange their vows of love and he wants to meet her again.

Do you think Juliet had a hoop in her garden, though?

Let's run with it, shall we?

What satisfaction canst thou have with their first win?

What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?

DEEP-VOICED: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

Ew! That's so grungy!

I'm glad nobody else can see this.

What is going on here?!

Uh... Don't worry. Total immersion.

I now understand the play and loveth the theatre.

Ooh!

STUDENTS: Ooh!

Oopseth!

MR HOLT SIGHS

Hey, Clangs, you haven't introduced me to your friend.

I, uh, no speak much of the English.

Yeah. He don't speak English good.

What's his relationship status?

Involved, complicated, single and searching?

Um, I'll get back to you.

For info, I'm single.

Adios.

Did you hear all those questions she was asking me?

I'm in.

Using school resources without permission

and nearly destroying the theatre.

Sir, don't punish them.

They just didn't want me to have detentions -

plural - before the match.

I wasn't going to punish them, Aoife.

I loved Zara's insights.

And Nyla's nurse was quite impressive.

Thank you, sir.

Just shows, I do have a few strings to my bow.

Wow! And she plays violin too.

We actually need someone to play the nurse.

Only one actor came forward and that didn't work out.

What? Who?

Next.

Happy to consider any role.

So, Nyla, what do you say?

Sir, I think I can speak for Nyla when I say...

...no.

IMITATING NYLA: I'm too busy training.

And he says I can't act!

Yeah, I'll do it.

Wait, what? What about the match?

I won't be playing.

Once Aoife is there, nobody else matters.

Ooh!

HE CHUCKLES Excellent! Right, out.

Ooh! Almost forgot.

Aoife, if you don't get at least eight out of ten in Friday's test,

you're not playing either.

So Nyla is choosing a little-known panto over basketball,

and I might be facing a ban!

This is a major disaster!

OK, just act Spanishy.

Hola, Senor Holt!

Take that ridiculous scarf off

and get in for your Spanish test. Now, Conor.

Uh, what?

I mean... Que?

And for the record, fake tan should always be applied sparingly.

Do you think he bought it?

So, hey, I've arranged a little something for our new arrival.

Come to our Amigos of Alex information circle.

We all want to learn about him.

His hopes, his dreams, his loves.

SPANISH GUITAR PLAYS We'll be there.

What did you say that for?

I can't go through with this.

Yes, you can. Don't worry. It'll only be a few people.

More than a few. That's loads!

Guys, I can't believe he's actually in my class.

There he is! THEY APPLAUD

Bienvenido, Alex!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's Spanish for yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Bonsoir, matey.

I've prepared some British tapas in your honour.

Here, my personal favourite is a smiley-faced potato.

We also have actual tapas.

Ooh, an onion ring!

Don't mind if I do.

HE RETCHES That's fish!

I go. Adios!

Oh, you're petrified and adorable!

SPEAKS LOUDER: Don't worry. I know what to do.

You should know by now not to make Nyla angry.

She'll be back once she realises she's made a big mistake.

But unless you pass the test, we won't have you either.

So, say sorry.

OK, I apologise, she comes back, we win the match.

Look, I'm sorry, OK?

Sorry for what, exactly?

You know... stuff.

You're just saying that so I'll come back.

Well, duh!

But honestly... So, Aoife, I have vital info on beating the Dragons.

Ooh, tell me!

First a favour. Come with me.

Oi! We're not done here!

Nyla, match intel, more important!

Right, that's Nyla happy.

Now it's time to refocus on the match.

RECORD SCRATCH And so we have Alex's cousin,

who, rather strangely, is Aoife.

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

So I can't believe Alex is your cousin!

Me either.

How did that happen?

I mean, he's so...

SHE GIGGLES

And you're so...

What? Well, pale, for a start.

What about the intel on how to beat the Dragons?

Oh. Just score more baskets.

ANGRY ROAR

As you know, Alex, a close friend of mine, is still learning

English, so Aoife is going to tell us all about him.

So...

...Alex is from a little town in Spain called...

Come on, Aoife, use your imagination.

Ima... Imagio.

Yeah. That's it.

Wow.

So you're familiar with all things Spanish?

Si.

Tapas, Messi, flamingo dancing.

You mean flamenco?

Yeah, that's what I said.

So you know it? Can you show us?

Um...

Not today.

It is quite tricky to pull off.

Well, I can do it!

Just not without my special Spanish dress.

Wait.

I actually think we have one of those in the costume department.

Well, that was interesting.

The, um, limbo segment was a surprise.

Right, I have some Dragons to go slay,

so amigo Alex better get lost.

Tell that to Clanger.

All right. Anyone who wants a selfie with Alex, over here.

Hey, the line starts behind me!

THEY CLAMOUR

Unbelievable.

What a total and utter...

Cheat! So Alex is really Conor?

The neck scarf fooled everyone.

That's the power of accessorising.

Nah, I knew all along there was something.

I mean, he had way too much fake tan on his palms.

Rookie mistake.

But it worked. So...

Ergo, if it works for him, it'll work for me.

Ergo, if I cheat in my test, I'll pass.

Ergo, I'll be free to play the match!

OK, but who's Ergo?

Is that your other cousin?

Presenting the plan.

Firstly, Charlotte will creep through the vents.

Then get the test paper,

deliver it to Zara, who will have faked a peanut allergy...

This is all pointless, anyway,

until you say sorry to Nyla.

But I did say sorry.

Wait, where is she?

Rehearsing for the play.

What?! She'll hate every minute,

scare everybody there and then come running back to us.

I mean, you just exude power onstage.

THEY MURMUR COMPLIMENTS You're a natural!

You're actually incredible. You're mesmerising.

Welcome to the theatre.

It's magnificent.

Better than basketball.

Acting is fun, but I still love to play.

Even if Aoife is a pain, she does care.

Well, she obviously isn't missing you.

Otherwise she would have come up with one of her ridiculous schemes

to secretly win you back.

I mean, she's not over here.

And she's not over here.

Nor is she behind here.

I know all the lines. I'm ready.

This is exactly why Nyla got hacked off, you're not listening.

Just apologise.

Yeah, a big, proper sorry.

But I was listening.

How else would I know that Nyla is in a play about...

Wait, what were those two boring basketball teams?

Maybe they're right.

Maybe I'm too obsessed to listen to my teamies.

So we have our first winnable match coming up, and I was like,

"Nyla... Instil fear."

And Nyla was like...

And she was actually, like, pretty scary.

But I can do other things, like be in a play nobody cares about.

And then I did a flamingo thing and Holt was like,

"You better..." Get at least eight out of ten in Friday's test.

And I was like, "Whatever." If I cheat in my test, I'll pass.

But Zara was like, "Blah-blah-blah," or whatever it was.

And then it dawned on me that I wasn't actually listening

to her or Nyla and I didn't actually say sorry properly,

but is it too late?

Scusi. That's Italian, Conor.

Right. Yeah, thanks.

That's way too much fake tan.

It's a... healthy glow.

You look like an orange and you're acting like a lemon.

Everyone seems to prefer Alex.

Not everyone.

I mean, why act like someone else?

You're not that bad of a person yourself.

What?! You can't ditch Alex.

Conor is back!

Oh, no, not him!

Why? He's not...

I mean, I'm not that bad, actually.

He's boring and preachy, and he doesn't even

own a decent scarf.

Look, Alex has to go, before Aoife blabs to anyone else.

Agreed?

So we go watch Vipers embarrass themselves at match later?

We'll be there.

Great!

Adios.

What did we literally just say?

You heard, she's dying to meet me.

Not you. Alex.

Why him?

Because... like me, he's handsome and charming?

No. She only invited him not to be rude.

She knows I'm Mr Lover Man.

Then you don't need me there.

I do.

He's like a handy conversation starter.

Like when you get a new football or puppy.

So I'm a puppy now?

Yeah! So come along for a bit,

get things going, then scamper off.

Why should I? Because if you don't,

I'll tell everyone that when you say hi to horses,

you do it in a really deep voice.

IN A DEEP VOICE: "Hi, Mr Horsie."

Oh... fine.

But after, Alex is getting on a flight to Spain.

Cool.

But I am SO going to his villagio this summer.

Me and him will have a blast!

Thus, from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.

Then have my lips the sins that they have took.

Sin from my lips.

O trespass sweetly urged,

give me my sin again.

You kiss by the book.

Psst! WHISPERING: Nyla!

WHISPERING: Nyla. Nyla.

Aoife, what are you doing?

I have to talk to you.

Do one! I'm in the zone.

Madame, your mother craves a word with you.

Look, I know I didn't listen to you. I was an idiot.

Accurate. What is her mother?

Hang on.

Marry, bachelor,

her mother is the lady of the house.

I want you to come back.

And a good lady,

but selfish and stubborn.

I'm sorry. I want you to come back.

AUDIENCE MURMUR

MR HOLT: Aoife!

Excuse me, everybody, but Nurse here is actually a total baller

and her team needs her.

Nyla, I know you probably made,

like, loads of friends... For life! ...but we need you,

and not just because you're scary.

Add in electrifying.

Too kind. But because you're amazing

and you have good... No, great ideas.

Aoife, what are you doing?!

You can't take Nyla, she belongs to the theatre.

ACTORS: Yeah!

Friends...

...colleagues, soulmates

and those weird guys who work backstage.

Alas, this has been my final performance.

AUDIENCE: No!

Let's go, teamie.

Wait! You can't just leave in the middle of the play!

It's OK. Everyone dies in the end anyway.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Oops, sorry!

Spoiler alert.

But who's going to play the nurse?

Go on, then.

AOIFE GRUNTS

Crisis averted.

FIRE ALARM RINGS

Oops!

Hurry up, everyone! This way!

Aoife, quick! Before the sprinklers go off!

Which brings us back here.

Come on, guys, quick!

FIRE ALARM CONTINUES

What are you doing?

Trying to give you a hug.

Yeah, that's all right.

I don't hug fake trees, only real ones.

The match isn't until tomorrow, anyway.

Could have just waited until the play was over.

I know, but we were too worried

we were going to lose you to the theatre.

Yeah. You're so good.

I know. I'm good at everything.

But we're a team.

We're family.

And I'm sorry I was so focused on my own selfish goals,

it's just like Capulet and Tybalt, causing misery.

Whoa, Aoife! You just had an important insight into the play!

And? And maybe you don't have to cheat.

Yeah. Finally starting to get it!

CHEERING

Yes, that's a slay!

Does that mean I get to play in the match?

No. You're still on detentions,

plural, for the tree stunt,

the mass evacuation and the rather humiliating reprimand

I had to endure from the fire chief afterwards.

No, please!

Can't I start them after the match?

I beseech thee.

Come on. If you let her play, I'll come back for

the performance tomorrow.

Deal.

Hurry! We need to get to the match!

A pace, to the gym, where we shall winneth!

Those that are fools,

let them use their talents.

And no-one around to hear that.

Oh, you're here too?

Yeah. Hi.

We're here to watch the match.

You know, there's an ice-cream van outside the gym.

Could you be my hero and run on ahead and get us a slushie?

On it!

Hola, mi amor.

Uh... Clanger...

...he back soon?

Nah. There's a massive queue for slushies.

We're solo for a while.

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

Curtains up.

And action!

The slushie machine was broke, but I nabbed some kid's.

There's just enough...

...for two.

Oh, what are you playing at, Conor?

Conor?

Uh... Si?

O-M-G!

I have serious vomitage.

Oi, this cuts deep.

What? It was all her.

I told you she likes Alex.

Because...

Because he knew how to treat a girl!

Wait, but I got you the blue flavour.

I much preferred Alex, anyway.

Yeah, Conor's just... urgh.

I'm glad you're back.

I always thought Alex was a bit up himself.

Time out. WHISTLE BLOWS

Time out. Vipers.

Right, five seconds left.

I can give you an inspirational quote.

If you can believe it, you can achieve it.

But right now, we need a strategy.

I have an idea. Me too!

If we...

Go ahead.

Aoife, set a ball screen on me, I can get a two-pointer.

Nyla's shot's been on all game.

Let's do it.

Vipers on three. One, two, three...

ALL: Vipers!

THEY CHEER, BUZZER SOUNDS

THEY CHEER

Yes, we're totally milking it.

It's our first proper win!

Bonjour. RECORD SCRATCH

IN FRENCH ACCENT: I am Jean-Luc, the cousin of Le Clanger.

THEY LAUGH

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