Original subtitles

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. ?

LAUGHTER

BUZZING

As I was saying, yes, I'm currently being rescued

like a helpless little kitten.

And there's a very good...

SAW BUZZES

Here comes the rewind!

Look at this lot.

Desperate to know who's in Holt's new pet project,

the Midvale Mirror newsletter.

Yes!

Or no. Or no.

Front page. Obvs.

Imagine caring that much about who's on a stupid...

PHONE BEEPS

What?!

Question. Why is Jessica the face of Midvale basketball?

Question two.

How adorby is the latest fashion trend from Tokyo?

Cute little cats in itty bitty hats.

? I'm gonna win, nyan

? Taking everything

? I'm gonna win

? The dollars are mine... ?

Charlotte, focus! Basketball.

Where?!

May I direct your attention to the sign?

Jess doesn't even play for this school.

No, but she's awesome and super popular

with the newsletter's core demographic -

everyone!

Well, everyone's wrong.

The Vipers are Midvale's official team.

But we always lose, so nobody comes to our games any more.

Hmm.

We just need a rebrand. We'd be as popular as them

if we had the same amount of coverage.

Imagine it. HEAVENLY HARP

Please welcome to the Basketball Hall of Fame...

...Aoife O'Neill!

CHEERING

The Basketball Hall of Perfection.

? The dollars are mine

I'm going to win... ?

Charlotte, focus!

We need press coverage at our next game

if we're going to be as popular as the Comets.

11am on the 24th.

Love that we're on the same page.

I need that cat dress.

That's it.

These fake toilet passes are my best scam yet.

Wasn't it my idea?

OK, well, who wrote them?

Me.

OK, well, who sold the most

by ignoring your stupid five-per-class rule?

Well, hopefully not you, because that would be a...

...disaster.

It was his idea.

Next week, Midvale will be visited by the headteacher

of the prestigious Johnson School, along with a few selected students.

He's paid them to beat us up.

The school board approved that?

They have a Business Club, which they're keen to show off.

And now... so do I.

You want us to represent Midvale?

Like, on purpose?

Business is about taking risks, and you clearly have a knack for it.

You can use this room - unsupervised -

to come up with a new idea to pitch

in here at the end of the visit.

Questions? Yeah.

Have you been replaced by aliens?

Who cares? Welcome to our planet.

Planet.

Oh, you look happy, sir. If a little bit dastardly.

Because my plan for the perfect school visit is working.

Use the newsletter to motivate the good ones,

and ingenious lies to hide the bad ones.

Such a shame I have to attend

this disco dance-teaching seminar in Wales

on the same day of the visit. Yeah, but you do.

And don't be late.

Nothing can ruin this now.

Ugh!

MR HOLT SIGHS

I was just trying to pose for the press, while I was dribbling.

Are you OK, sir?

Your face and your tie are the same shade of red.

But it really suits you.

The headteacher visiting next week is...

...my big brother.

I know that look. Sibling rivalry.

Golden Boy has read all about this clumsy poser...

It only happened... eight times?

...and her even more easily distracted team-mate.

That's just how Charlotte gets whenever the studio she likes

has a cute new fashion line.

Piglets in singlets!

Antelopes with skipping ropes!

Whoa! THUD

Dogs, frogs and hogs

wearing clogs and going for jogs!

How charmingly awful.

And it's given my big bro the confidence to challenge the Vipers

to compete with his school's team for this...

...during his visit, in front of everyone.

A crowd AND a big trophy?

Best rebrand ever!

Victory is essential.

We need star power.

That's why I've arranged with Jessica's team

to bring her over for this crucial match.

No!

If we're as good as Holt says, we'll be millionaires by Year 10.

And zillionaires by Year 11.

And kajuballinioniaires by...

Think about it. What do people need?

Like, really need?

For you to shut up and let me think.

Or...

...breakfast.

And umbrellas.

Yeah.

And things.

Things. Yeah.

Lots of cash.

And eggs.

We've already done breakfast.

No. For throwing.

Robots. People need robots.

Whoa!

Robo butler!

OK, so Jess is my "nyem-esis",

which isn't easy to say, but we're both ballers who love to win,

so maybe it won't be so bad?

Hey, it's the clumsy poser.

I was wrong.

Kidding, obvs. But yay!

Back with the Vipos.

So exciting.

For you.

You know this means one of us has to drop out, right?

I'm going to call you Captain Meowvel.

? Oh, oh, oh, oh... ?

CAT SINGS POP

Charlotte!

She'll be like this for days. Won't even notice.

OK, let's talk press strategy.

So I'm doing a promo photo shoot tomorrow. Styling it myself.

Don't you think we should be there, too?

Oh, you're all so busy, though.

So thoughtful.

But we'll make time.

I mean, the Vipers are Midvale's official basketball team.

Exactly.

And people should know who I...we... am.

Good save.

Well, of course they should.

I'll let the photographer know

and then message you all what to wear.

Yay!

And that is how it's done.

Whoa! THUD

KIDS LAUGH

I'm fine!

Ah!

VACUUM WHIRS

It's 7am.

You were supposed to hold the door!

I was busy. Boys.

Too busy to hold a door?

That's right. I was too busy to hold a door.

Then you need...

BOTH: ..Robo Butler, the robot butler.

I'm not sure that I do.

He has everything you want.

Storage, music, toothbrush, games.

X-ray vision.

Wait, Clanger... An arm that's a potato launcher.

Chainsaw teeth. We talked about this.

Please don't judge it on those last ones.

Why not? I loved them.

Ha! Told you.

Really?

I believe in you.

So take as long as you need to build it.

In fact, take longer. I insist.

So this look usually takes me about half an hour.

It might take a little bit longer for you guys, but don't worry,

you can get to my speed at some point.

Is that evil Jessica?

Thank you. It's like we're the only ones who can see it.

I've heard she's a master manipulator

who only cares about looking better than other people.

My mum's a great listener.

But if she's so bad, why are you copying her?

And now, Vipers, for a truly special touch to really make us stand out...

Because this is actually a pretty fierce look,

and everyone's going to see us rocking it.

...put it all over your body so you can really stand out.

This is going to make you look...

Who's ready for the phot...?

Oh, shoot.

Why are you green?!

Did you drink chewy milk?

Oh, no.

Did I send YOU the wrong link?

Super soz.

Must contain rage.

None of my brother's students are green.

No photo for you. Ugh!

Or you. Until you take off that ridiculous hat.

Just get changed. Problem solved.

There's no time. The photographer's waiting.

Maybe you could be our mascot.

Can't contain rage!

Why would Holt want a robot that fires potatoes?

Because he's super old.

And throwing them yourself is tiring.

Don't you think it's weird that he thought your idea

was better than mine? What's weird about that?

Nothing. It's just...

Look, Holt wants to beat his brother, right?

So he wants the best ideas.

But...

...the chainsaw teeth?

I see what this is.

You're jealous of my brain.

Did you just laugh at me? Er, not on purpose.

Good. Now, let's test out my new potato launcher

with some target practice.

CAMERA CLICKS

Bit higher, both of you.

Higher.

Keep going.

Higher.

Perfect.

You see what she's doing?

Holding the cutest brolly.

CAT MEOWS

Oi, Jessica!

Don't annoy her. That never ends well for us.

You're happy being faceless nobodies, are you?

Jessica's in Vipers kit.

That's at least nine cool points for each of us.

So, yeah, it's worth it.

Places, everyone.

Aoife, can you move?

Gary's in a rush. Love ya.

She's hijacked the Vipers and made it all about herself.

That's my job.

You can edit her out from that side of the railings, right?

Oh. Can you?

Well, edit this.

BARS CREAK

Grr!

Oh!

AOIFE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

Ow. Try cutting me out now.

Aw, Meef.

Are you stuck?

BARS CREAK No.

KIDS LAUGH

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

No way!

Yes, this is the worst thing that's EVER happened.

CAMERA CLICKS

Wrong again.

At least it's not front page.

It's a double pager.

There's already several GIFs.

Yes, I've sent one to your Auntie Jan.

She was crying laughing.

We need to win the trophy now. It's the only way to save our image.

What image?

Everyone already knows you're a walking disaster zone.

Oops! Do you have to do that in here?

Clanger won't stop firing potatoes at me.

I need to prove that my idea is better than his.

What time did you say your pitch was again?

End of the day. Why?

There's a schedule here for the visit.

No mention of Business Club.

Ha-ha! It's not even real.

Of course it is.

Why else would Holt put us in a room where we don't see anyone

or do anything except...?

Oh!

So Holt's been tricking us?

Yeah. He wanted us away from his precious visit.

I'm actually impressed.

What? So you're not angry?

I can be both. Yeah, well...

...me too.

No-one outsmarts me and gets away with it.

What about when I stole your sandwiches?

You just took them. Pretty clever, eh?

Not as clever as Holt thinks he is,

but he's going to get a nasty surprise.

Jam and tuna?!

What is wrong with you?

Now he'll never take my sandwiches again.

Urgh!

Vipers! Ignore them and listen up.

Rousing speech incoming! What do we want?

A cute-cats-in-little-hats onesie? And matching pyjamas?

Like this?

? I'm going to win

? The dollars are mine

? I'm going to win cos I've got... ?

Maybe sit this one out, Char.

I want people to stop laughing at us.

Because of you!

The correct answer was we want a trophy, but respect works as well.

Now, how are we going to get those things?

BOTH: Jessica. No. Practice!

What is it with you lot?

Where is Jessica, anyway?

WHINING: She's pulled out of the game!

But we can't win without Jess.

That's annoyingly true.

I'm well aware, but apparently the Vipers' brand

has become too cringe for her to associate with.

This is a disaster,

but a good time for a round-up!

So I wanted to put the Vipers back on the map,

but Charlotte was all...

...cute little cats in itty bitty hats!

And so Mr Holt was like, "We need..." ..Jessica!

And everyone was like, "Yay, Jessica! She's amazing."

I was like, "No, she's evil."

Then I got kidnapped by a fence,

which did put some of us back on the map, sadly,

but not Charlotte.

Oh!

CATS MEOW

That's it! We can beat your brother's team.

You can get Jessica back? Even better!

This is Operation Mute The Cute.

Is there a hand-out or something? I really like to feel a page.

We're eco-friendly. But we need Charlotte back in the Vipers.

But there's a problem.

Yeah. We're surrounded by it.

But not for long.

If we're to hide every trace of this cute new craze,

then Charlotte can focus on basketball.

This seems a bit OTT.

Nyla, dressing gown.

I have a problem.

The mission is this - we need to mute that cute.

What about something more snappy?

Cat cleanse. Kitty kill.

Focus! If we're to win, there can be no trace of this craze

anywhere near Charlotte. Are we clear?

Muted! Let's get to work.

MUSIC: My Baby Love by Duncan Thompson and Jake Field

? I'm a face in the crowd

? You've never seen before

? I see you passing me by... ?

Oh, really?!

? But I'm not going to fade away

? At least not today... ?

Go on, Char.

THEY CHEER

Straighten that tie. Comb those teeth.

Stop smiling weirdly.

You need to get 50% cleverer by the end of the day.

Good news.

What is happening?!

I learned to disco dance online, so now I can be here for the... visit.

ALARM BLARES

If that is a ringtone, it is banned!

ALARM CONTINUES

ROBOTIC VOICE: Exterminate Midvale.

Exterminate Midvale.

Exterminate Midvale.

Robo. You found him?

Don't worry. The next one will be much better behaved.

The next one? Oh, bigger.

Better. ROBOT: Robo butler.

Fully operational flame-thrower.

No, no. This ends now.

But we've already taken orders.

Business Club is a success.

There is no Business Club.

Oh, we know.

We know everything.

You can have whatever you want.

A lifetime supply of cheese and onion crisps.

I don't even like cheese and onion crisps.

Deal. Free crisps!

But only if this visit goes smoothly.

Understood? CLANGER: Free crisps!

One of us does.

Not so cringe now, are we?

Aw! It's so sweet that you think that.

Good luck in the game, though.

You'll need it.

Nyla said not to annoy her, but...

We'll also need a mascot if you fancy it.

You won't even have to dress up as a ssssnake.

GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

HE SIGHS

What did you think of our Maths Club?

Hmm...

Not... good...

...at...

...maths.

I was equally unimpressed by yours.

No offence.

In a few minutes, the whole school will be chanting our names.

But what if they chant about cute little cats...? Cuteness muteness.

We've got this.

Hey, Vipos.

Big news!

Aoife asked me to find a mascot, so I did.

Hey, that's not what I said.

What did you say?

We'll also need a mascot if you fancy it.

Er... what did I say?

Uh-oh.

You're playing the Cheetahs, right?

Oh, Mr Schnuzzly!

MEOWING

I could wear you to parties!

This could be a problem.

Charlotte, wake up!

CHEERING

Charlotte, snap out of it.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Charlotte, wake up!

Ugh!

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Not good at basketball.

Charlotte!

Char, sub off, now!

Ah!

CROWD GROANS

Time Lord, save us!

WHISTLE BLOWS Time out, Vipers.

You can't sub off now. We're already down a player.

Maybe Jessica could help?

No, I can fix this.

Mr Schnuzzly, would you like a snack from our hospitality room?

Keep her here.

Where's she going?

Deal with that cat and get your sister back, or no crisps!

He can't do that. Yes, he can.

I'll explain on the way.

Again.

Here we are. Just inside.

Sorry, there's no litter tray.

BANGING Let me out!

YES!

Smash them!

CHEERING

YES!

Yes, yes! In your face!

CLEARS THROAT

Terrific game. So good to see you.

Now that is how you save the day.

THEY LAUGH

Wait, so we only get the crisps if we help Holt?

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

BANGING Let me out now!

Looks like Aoife did the job for us, though.

Result.

Help Holt?

Let me out! Free... crisps. I mean it!

Let me out! Your choice.

Let me out! No way!

Ah!

HE SCREAMS

Charlotte.

CHEERING

HE LAUGHS

Ooh! Yes!

CHANTING: Ball in the hoop! Ball in the hoop!

CROWD CHANTS: Vipers! Vipers!

MR HOLT: Yes!

And again.

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes!

Smash them! Smash them!

Yeah!

CHANTING: Vipers! Vipers! Vipers!

Smash them. Oh, don't get salty, Holty.

We've done it. The rebrand's complete.

Charlotte, you ready?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You locked me in the cupboard.

Fear factor - 20 gazillion.

Run, Aoife!

Grr!

Don't look it in the eyes!

This is too hot.

CHARLOTTE SCREAMS

You're not cute!

HE GROWLS

CROWD GASPS

AOIFE MOANS

I thought something like this might happen, so I came prepared.

I'll take it from here.

Ugh!

At least we made the front page.

No, we made the front page and we got our first trophy.

Which Jess says we can visit whenever we have an appointment.

I can't believe I got so obsessed over such a silly thing.

It's OK. You're back to normal now.

NYLA GASPS Are those ducklings with cufflinks?!

Where?!

Nearly. Morning, Vipers.

Wonderful day, isn't it?

Just wonderful.

Everything worked out for the best.

Worth getting your head stuck in a fence for?

I think you know the answer to that.

No.

? Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

? Doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. ?

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