Original subtitles

Imagine if we had the opportunity to hear from a cultural icon

after they've passed away.

A chance for them to shape their own legacy,

to be heard one last time in their own words.

Eric Dane's charm and magnetic presence

quickly solidified his stature as a TV star.

He's most recognized for his role as Dr. Mark Sloan on Grey's Anatomy,

the longest-running medical drama in TV history.

Millions were captivated

when his character stepped out of a steam shower,

and he became McSteamy.

Oh, this is awkward.

And then there was his painfully raw,

brutal, and honest portrayal of Cal Jacobs on Euphoria.

Throughout his career, Eric played the heartthrob,

the athlete,

the hero,

and the villain,

always with the same seemingly effortless charm,

authenticity, and depth.

His role as father to his two daughters,

Billie and Georgia,

was the one that mattered the most to him though.

He was resilient in his battle against ALS,

an incurable disease that paralyzed much of his body, but never his spirit.

With his passing,

the world has lost a beloved leading man in the prime of his life.

Before he died, Eric Dane sat down for a deeply meaningful conversation,

at the end of which he was given the opportunity

to speak directly to the world and deliver his final message,

knowing that what you're about to see would not air until after he passed away,

even if that meant locking away the footage for months or even years.

These are Eric Dane's famous last words.

Special for you. Runway.

Thank you.

- You had to get me out here some way. - Somehow, right?

And I think a fireman's carry would have been asking a lot.

Exactly.

- I'm just gonna lock it. - Great.

Wah.

- Well done. - Okay, you're stuck her with me now.

Are you stuck in here with me, or am I stuck in here with you?

Exactly.

You still have a sense of humor about everything?

Mm. Very much so.

Did you have moments when you didn't and it came back, or…?

No, I've… I've always had a sense of humor about this.

It's really kind of interesting what's happening to my body.

The mechanics of this disease is pretty interesting to me.

It's when you zoom in

and look at how it affects the individual moments

is when it can actually bring you down a little bit.

You know, I'm a… I'm a complainer.

I've always historically been, like, the guy that would bitch and moan

on his way to doing anything.

Um,

but my spirit has been surprisingly pretty buoyant

throughout this journey.

- Why do you think it is? What-- - I have no idea.

There's no reason for me to be, you know, happy in any… any individual moment,

but… but I am.

And is that something you think someone who isn't sick can experience?

I think they can understand the concept.

I don't know if they'll actually experience it

like somebody who's terminally ill.

Right. And what… what it means to be alive has changed for you?

Every day.

The progression of this thing is really just, uh… remarkable.

You know, I'm sure I sound pretty good to you,

but to me, I feel like I'm…

I'm… I sound like a frog or…

I sit here in nothing but respect and awe of you and your… and your strength,

so you sound good to me.

Good.

And so we're here in this, uh, special room,

this set where we're totally private,

There's no camerapeople operating in here. They're in another room.

- They can't hear what we're talking about. - Mm-hmm.

And the point of this always for… for everyone we… we talk to here

is an opportunity to define themselves when everybody's trying to define them,

an opportunity for them to be really known.

And you and I talked about… We wanted this…

our intention to be a little bit more specific

in that… we really want at the end of this

that your children… will really know you

in a way they wouldn't have had the opportunity to get to know you.

Mm-hmm.

You know, when this… when people are watching this,

um,

you'll have died.

Is that a complicated thing to consider?

Because part of it is relief, and part of it is, every… every minute,

no matter what you're feeling, you're gonna wanna be present to.

Yeah.

It's a weird concept to kind of grapple with.

Um,

you and I are talking here right now, and we're both very alive.

And at the same time,

when this, um… exists,

if it ever does,

I won't be here.

What's that feel like?

Um, it's kind of cool, I think.

Um…

How so?

Well, it's just,

um,

the idea of… of, um, of living on past the…

the moment when you… when you peace out.

Um…

It's pretty… it's pretty interesting to me.

Speaking from the dead. Yeah.

That's what you're doing right now.

Yeah.

I'm gonna read your bio.

Okay.

"Eric William Dane."

"You were born November 9th, 1972 in San Francisco, California."

"Your mother, Leah Cohn, was a homemaker."

"Your father, William Dane Melvin, was a navy airman

who became an architect and an interior designer."

"He died when you were seven."

"You have a younger brother, Sean."

You were married to Rebecca Gayheart, a model and actress,

for more than 20 years."

- You're still married to her today. - Yeah, that's true.

Uh, "You share two daughters, Georgia and Billie."

"Billie is named after your father."

- Mm-hmm. - What was the thinking behind that?

My firstborn was always gonna be Billie, whether it was a boy or a girl.

And she's got kind of a cool name.

- Billie Dane. - Mm-hmm.

- Sounds like a gunfighter. - Yeah, exactly.

Is Georgia named after anyone?

I think Rebecca just loved that name.

"You have been in an interesting and impressive collection of shows."

"Saved by the Bell, The Wonder Years,

Roseanne, Married with Children,

Silk Stockings, and Charmed, amongst many others."

"In 2006, your one-time guest role as Dr. Mark Sloan on Grey's Anatomy

ignited a fan hysteria so intense,

the show was rewritten to make you into a leading man."

"After that, you starred as Captain Tom Chandler on The Last Ship,

followed by your critically acclaimed performance as Cal Jacobs

on HBO's Euphoria."

"Since you were diagnosed with ALS,

you have been a tireless champion for expanding access to ALS treatment,

raising money, and bringing hope, dignity, and grace

to the thousands impacted by the disease."

"And when this is broadcast, all of that work will be finished,

and your body will be at rest.

How does it feel to hear your… your bio like that?

Well, it feels like, uh…

feels like there's an interesting story in there somewhere.

I'm proud of some of it.

I mean, you know… you know, fuck it, I'm dead.

I'm proud of all of it.

You know, all of it got me to where I am today.

Stuff about my father is always hard to hear, you know,

because that was such a wasted life.

He was so talented.

But, uh, there was a ton of experience in there.

Life experience,

personal, professional.

I think when I really tried to be good

and, and, and approached the craft

with a certain amount of, um, effort and, uh, and focus,

that I was capable of doing some pretty good work.

Yeah, certainly your work on Euphoria,

that is… that, to me, is masterwork.

Thank you. I… I put a lot of effort into that.

What's a personal connection to that character that you found?

There's something so… vulnerable.

There's something so exposed there.

Well, Cal and I are very similar

in that we know what it's like to lead a double life.

I've… I've had experience with that

with, uh, my battle with drugs and alcohol.

I know what it's like to not have my…

my insides match my outside.

Do you think that's what your dad struggled with?

I think my father struggled with life,

and, uh, he never felt he was enough.

So when you were seven,

your father died by suicide or an accident.

I guess there was some conversation,

but I'm not sure which one you think it was.

I don't think, uh,

somebody who's that intoxicated

would, uh, play with a gun

in a bathroom

by themselves

for fun.

So I think my father in that moment meant to do it.

I just… I kept thinking about how lonely my father must have been

and how scared he must have been.

Um…

It's heartbreaking.

Does it make you emotional even now as you think about his loneliness?

Yes.

And do you… do you connect it? Can you connect with that loneliness?

Can you empathize?

Do you feel… Have you had that… that level of loneliness as well?

100%.

I could feel lonely in a crowded room.

Has that always been your experience, of what it meant to be Eric,

was that Eric was lonely?

Yeah. I've always felt

detached from my peers.

I've historically had a very difficult time

connecting with people.

And, you know, four months after my father died,

my grandmother died, who I lived with.

- And you were very close to her. - Very close.

That was almost as impactful,

maybe more so than my dad.

She really took care of me.

- What was she like? - She was great, man.

She was like…

She was so much fun. I remember her putting on this record.

She put on the same record every day.

- Which one? - It was Engelbert Humperdinck.

- Oh no. - And it was "Quando."

♪ Tell me quando, quando, quando ♪

And she would play it all day on repeat and dance around,

and she was just wonderful.

Wow.

And she would take the San Francisco Chronicle

and cut out the Dennis the Menace cartoon every day and put it on the fridge.

Because she was convinced that I was him.

There was something there always.

Whether it was mischief or… or charm or whatever you wanna call it,

I think there was something there.

- A rascal. - A rascal.

Yeah, I maintain that.

- Always? Your whole life? - Yes.

And she was your dad's mom or your mom's mom?

My mom's mom.

And your mom was less, uh, involved or less maternal?

My mom was young.

I think she did the best she could with the tools she had available to her.

I know that you've told the story before about when your mother told you

that he had committed suicide.

- You were seven. - Oh. Yeah.

She woke you up in the middle of the night.

Before she would tell you, she told you over and over,

"I need you to promise to be strong."

- That's correct. - As a seven-year-old.

There's a,

um,

a real sort of block, I think, in the… in the empathy department.

And I think it's because she's got a black belt in denial.

- Um… - What is she denying?

I think she's denying that it could have such a profound impact on me.

- On you? - Yeah.

Also, I don't think she's fully accepted that, uh, I have this disease.

You know, I think she's still hanging on to the idea

that there's gonna be a miracle cure

a year from now.

And it's denial. It's not hope. She's not hopeful.

It's denial.

Listen, um…

I don't blame her.

If my kid had ALS,

I would… I would cling to that too.

Yeah.

You clean with your mother?

Oh, no. Well, I ain't gonna open up Pandora's Box, Brad.

That's a whole other show.

My mother always felt like I was a challenging…

She refers to me as a challenging child.

And whether it was because she saw parts of my dad in me,

or I was just difficult…

- You were Dennis the Menace, you said. - I was Dennis the Menace.

Even today, when I bring things up,

you know, she's like, um,

"Well, you know, can't you just get past this?"

And, you know, "It happened so long ago."

"Why is it still affecting you?"

- Mm. - Um…

And I think trauma reaches somebody on a cellular level.

It's really hard to get it out of your system.

In fact, probably impossible.

The only thing you can do is learn how to deal with it.

I've been working through it for a long time.

I, uh, I ended up going to a, a, a treatment center

for… for trauma and depression.

Mostly related to your dad?

Oh, solely related to my dad,

'cause that's where the trauma came from.

Do you have a memory

of the… of the moment of being hit with that information

and the trauma setting in, or something shutting off at that moment?

Shutting off.

Don't feel. Be strong to me, man.

Don't feel. Don't cry.

I wanted to explode.

Mm.

But I had to keep it in.

In a way, I suppose your… your father, he couldn't do that for himself.

He clearly…

No. No.

That was not on the table.

Mm.

Did you… did you feel moments in life where your dad wasn't there for?

I mean, you played… You were a big athlete.

You were playing water polo.

You were achieving a lot out in the world.

Were there moments when you said, "Man, if only dad could be here for this"?

Many.

You ever talk to him?

I've written letters to him.

Not so much lately.

I think I've found real peace around it.

It still makes me feel,

but I think I've… I've really found some peace around it.

Does he ever talk to you? You ever hear his voice?

No. Um…

I've got a very controversial relationship with the universe right now.

I can't see why.

So when you say that, though, like, at this point,

again, as people are watching this, you are at… at peace.

Your body is at peace.

So where… where are you? What is the… What is your belief about this?

You want my honest answer?

Mm-hmm, yeah. Well…

I think when the lights go out,

it's over.

Mm.

I don't… I don't believe that there's a…

another place for our souls to go.

I think people believe that stuff

because it provides them with a lot of comfort.

But, um,

I've really come to grips with it. and I think once the lights go out,

out with the old, in with the new.

- Have you always believed that? - I think so, yeah.

I do believe that when we go to sleep,

or however it is we… we go,

once we're gone, we're gone.

And we live on in the memories of the people that will miss us.

Mm.

I… I imagine there's a lot of people missing you a lot right now.

So you're definitely living on.

Yeah.

If I were to ask Georgia and Billie who was their dad,

what do you think they'd say?

I think they would… they would lead with…

um,

I'm a reactive person.

- "My dad was a reactive person." - What would they mean by that?

Not necessarily a negative connotation,

but some of their core memories,

uh, involved me reacting to something.

Like? Give me… give me something.

Uh… You know, traffic is always a good…

a good impetus for that.

Yeah.

Um…

And I think they would… they would say that I was pretty tough.

- Yeah. - Tough as in strong, as in…

Resilient.

- Resilient. - Yeah.

They would say I was loving.

And I was…

I was really endearing and compassionate

and empathetic and…

um,

trustworthy.

A good dad?

I'm a good dad, yeah.

They… they know that… They, they, they would think that too?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

We did some really great traveling, saw some wonderful places.

Any particular moment that comes in your mind,

highlight of something you guys did together?

We went to Europe one year.

Um…

And there was a time where…

…I was, uh…

We were ripping through the French countryside

with the kids in the back of this crazy little car we rented.

Um, and I was flying through the French countryside.

Um, and I would say everything with a French accent.

And for some reason, for that 15 minutes,

my French accent was spot on.

And I have no idea where it came from.

Everybody just in stitches, just laughing.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Mm.

That's the best thing. It's my favorite thing to do.

- Get them all laughing. - And laugh myself too.

How would you describe your style as being a dad?

Well, I think… I think showing up is the number one… number one quality.

Um, I haven't been perfect with that.

But I've always been there when it mattered.

Do you… when you say imperfect, do you have regrets about time you spent away?

Yeah. Well, their mother and I are no longer together.

Um, we're still really best friends, but we're not together.

So by… by, you know,

just by virtue of the… the distance

and us living under separate… in separate homes,

you know, there's a lot of… lot of time lost there.

But, you know,

I made sure that I… I can be there as… as much as possible,

and certainly when it counts.

What would you consider "when it counts"?

I've shown up to all of Billie's ballet recitals.

I've been to many Nutcrackers.

And I'll tell you,

there's a couple of pieces in there that are beautiful.

But, Jesus, that thing drones on, man.

- I saw it once, yeah. - Like… like three hours.

Um…

But I've been to all of them.

Uh,

I go to Georgia's beach volleyball games.

I'm present in their lives,

whether I'm in front of them

or 2,000 miles away.

Right.

So, with Rebecca,

who you met and fell in love with quickly,

how would you describe the essence of that relationship and that love affair?

Well, we still love each other deeply.

I just think we don't wanna live with each other.

But there's a lot of love there. I'll… I'll never…

I will have never, by the time anybody sees this,

have fallen in love with another woman as deeply as I fell in love with Rebecca.

She's the mother of my children.

And the whole way that thing came about, it was so…

…organic and fortuitous.

I met Rebecca,

and I turned to her friend, and I said, "I'm gonna marry that girl."

How did you know?

I have no idea.

I have no idea how serious I was in that moment.

But I said that.

And her friend said, "No way. She's never breaking up with her fiancé."

"They're getting married. They've been together since they were 15."

You know, four years later, I married her.

I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life where it's supposed to happen.

Does she know you better than anybody? She knows you the most?

A hundred percent.

What would she say if… if I asked her who, who, who was Eric?

Oh wow.

Well, she would say that I was probably…

um, a person who was

constantly vulnerable and terrified of being vulnerable.

Mm-hmm.

I think she would say that, uh,

I was funny.

Um…

I think she would say that I was charming and didn't know it.

You don't know you're charming, or that quality that you have,

that, that, that star… charming quality, that's just…?

I would argue I didn't have it.

Well, I don't know if you can have it and know that you have it.

Makes sense. Then it's inauthentic, right?

I think it'd be inauthentic, yeah.

So what happened between the two of you? Why did the marriage not work out?

I think Rebecca was more willing to show up and do her part than I was.

How come? How come you weren't?

I don't have that, uh…

that gene that just, uh…

uh, makes you wanna keep going regardless of what's happening.

I'm like, if there's a hole in the boat,

don't try to patch the hole.

Scuttle the damn thing, and go find a new one.

Mm.

And that's how… that's how you approached big problems in the past,

in your life in general?

Yeah.

I have.

But you can't do that now.

No.

Does that change your perspective on that strategy?

Yes.

I've always been envious of people who fight and persevere.

Rebecca's a fighter, and she perseveres.

But you clearly have a ton of perseverance. Maybe it was--

I don't know. Is resiliency the same thing?

I don't know. What do you think?

How do you see the difference between those two things?

I think one is, uh, a, a coping mechanism

or an act of defense,

and the other is more, um,

uh, proactive.

I think perseverance is something that you do to something.

Right.

But when you describe really living every moment up until the end

and having to be really present, that feels like perseverance,

not resilience.

- Resilience feels like survival. - Yeah, you're right.

Resiliency is survival.

And do you feel like most of your life, you've been surviving?

Well, now that you mention it, Brad…

Um… yeah,

I have displayed some perseverance in there in a few spots.

I think so.

It looks that way from here, you know?

- Yeah. - Certainly.

And not just… not just with the ALS.

That, that, that just goes to… to show

that I have a warped sense of… of, uh, who I am.

So two questions. What's the warped sense, and what's the true sense, do you think?

What's the warped sense of who you are to you?

- The warped sense? - Who you were.

Okay. Okay.

Listen, the warped sense is, uh, as I am, I am not enough.

Mm.

And, uh, I'm not deserving

of, of having, uh,

a great life.

I'm a little different than everybody.

You know, my life experience was very unique at that point.

And it made me feel like, as I was, I was not enough.

And the reality of that is,

I was absolutely

more than enough.

When did you realize that?

About two minutes ago.

Um…

I realized that, uh,

you know, this thing has made me a little bit softer,

a little bit more open,

and a little bit more, um…

uh, available

to experience the truths about myself.

My friends remind me too.

All I'm left with is…

is me.

And it's kind of a fucked-up way of realizing

that you were enough the whole time.

When everything gets taken away, and all you have left is this person.

Do you still have judgment about yourself sometimes,

or do you totally put that away?

Buried it.

Ain't nothing left to judge.

What would you tell people watching this,

how they should live or treat themselves or…?

You know, I don't think I can tell anybody how they should live.

I would make a gentle… a gentle suggestion.

Every opportunity,

every single opportunity you have

to stomp on your ego…

take it.

Mm.

Did you ever do that before this?

Yes, I've worked on it.

I'm under construction.

- We all are, right? - Yeah.

Do you have any particular…

life hacks?

You know, I always tell my son, when you shave,

shave in ways so that if you have to stop in the middle,

you won't look silly. So first the bottom and then the sides.

- Right. - And so that…

- An earthquake could happen. - Okay.

And so these are… these are random life hacks that any human has

that kind of die with them because they're so silly.

Do you have any of those?

Um…

Well, you know, I think you should always make your bed.

And I don't have a "make your bed" speech, but you should always make your bed.

Because at the very least,

if you wanna, like, hide from the world and jump back in it,

it looks inviting.

It's a good one.

I got girls.

I can't teach them how to shave.

No.

But you must have shaved your legs for water polo, yeah?

No, I didn't have to. I'm virtually hairless.

Oh, really?

I find nothing more impressive than water polo players.

That, to me, is real athleticism,

to be able to play that game while swimming.

Yeah. I was really good.

- Were you? - I was.

Good enough to say I was really good.

From everything else we've said, I don't think you would have said you were

unless you were really good.

It would've taken a lot to overcome your insecurity.

- Right. - You have to have undeniable evidence.

Undeniable evidence that I was really good.

What else are you undeniably good at?

That's a great question.

Wow.

I was undeniably a good tennis player.

Mm.

I think I had my moments in my career where I was undeniably good.

I wouldn't say undeniably amazing,

but I was undeniably good.

When would those be?

Hmm.

You know, some of the early days on Grey's Anatomy.

I just felt like on… on the whole,

that experience was very gratifying,

even when I tried to sink the ship.

Mm-hmm.

This is when your addiction got overwhelming during that time.

Yeah. I am not good with a lot of time on my hands.

I need structure,

and that show provided a lot of structure for me.

Um…

And when we… we stopped short for the writers' strike,

I had months off,

and, uh,

I found my way back to, uh, drugs and alcohol.

There was a self-sabotage that went on there during that.

Yeah. But, uh, I knew better,

because, uh, at that time,

I had been sober for about nine years.

So I knew better.

And you don't think that overcoming addiction like that is perseverance?

I think it's resilience.

Sobriety is an action, and it's an action you take every day.

That's true.

That seems like your definition of perseverance to me.

That's true. Well, I guess maybe there's a little perseverance in there too.

All right. We… we talked about who your family thought Eric Dane was,

but who do you think Eric Dane was?

He was a kind…

thoughtful,

considerate…

empathetic,

sensitive…

vulnerable,

even though afraid to be at times,

person who cares a lot.

It's hard to be somebody who's extraordinarily sensitive.

To feel as… as deeply and intensely as I feel all the time?

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah. It's exhausting.

And now are people gentler with… I guess they are.

People are probably much gentler with you now.

I'm much gentler with them.

Yeah.

Do you have regrets?

Tons.

Yes.

What?

I regret some of the decisions I've made,

some of the choices I've made surrounding drugs and alcohol.

Have you forgiven yourself for them?

Well…

There are a couple of things.

I mean, yeah…

No, I… I feel like I've let go of pretty much everything.

What's that feel like?

It's very freeing.

So what if you don't like me?

Man, I wish I could feel like this when I was a…

Like, you know, able-bodied and strong and healthy.

It's like it flipped.

Your inside became your outside. Your outside became your inside.

Yeah.

I don't mind that.

But at the same time,

I'm not gonna be around for my kids for a lot of…

Most likely, I won't be around

to, you know, walk my kids, my girls down the aisle

and, you know, have grandkids, and…

That's, um…

That's a tough thing to deal with.

Um…

Have you thought about getting to a point where you say, "I think I might be done"?

Uh, yes.

Yes, I have a… a set of, of circumstances

I don't think I'm willing to deal with.

I may feel differently at this time,

but I guess by the time anybody sees this,

they will have known if I stuck to that.

But I'll tell you, if, uh…

if I can't communicate with my daughters anymore

and I can't move,

I don't wanna be here.

I know you've done a lot of work to try and raise money

and to get, uh, politicians to be, um… actively working

to get government funding behind ALS.

And I know, uh, in… in the recent times,

there's been a lot of funding cuts for those things.

- Mm. - Could everyone be doing more?

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of silly.

Um…

Apparently, from what I gather,

uh,

the research is fueled by money.

And it's just a money problem.

If they had unlimited funds and research,

we would find a solution to this pretty quick.

There's only 31,000 people with ALS in this country.

There's 340 million people in the United States of America.

I think it's hard to

understand the concept of a single life.

Um,

and how big that single life can be and how many people it affects.

And when you're an executive

looking at, uh, numbers…

I still can't believe this is happening to me.

It's weird, you know?

I didn't think this was gonna be the end of the road for me.

This was never part of the story I created for myself.

You know?

I didn't think I would get something as crazy and deadly as ALS.

Like, why would I get something like that?

You know?

I'm healthy.

But I don't feel sorry for myself.

I feel bad for my kids and Rebecca and my friends.

But I've… I've never felt sorry for myself.

- It's remarkable. - I don't know what it is, man.

Like I said,

there's absolutely no logical explanation

for me to, um…

be dealing with this the way I've been dealing with it.

I mean, it almost feels like something was taken from you.

A spirit was taken from you when you were seven

and what happened with your dad.

And this has, in some ways, allowed you to have it back.

I guess so. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's pretty good, Brad.

Is there anything that you would wanna leave out there before…

I never murdered anybody, Brad.

I believe you. I believe you.

I don't… I can't imagine you ever really hurt anybody,

truly hurt anybody.

I punched a couple of people, but they deserved it.

There you go. Sometimes you gotta punch people.

That's true.

What were the… Why did you punch them?

Well, somebody came at me.

And I socked him.

Did you connect?

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

I don't have anything really crazy to confess.

- I kind of wish I did. - Mm.

I've had a lot of fun.

Some unhealthy, some very, very unhealthy.

But you look back fondly on all of it.

Most of it.

Most of it.

Okay, so we've come to the end of the conversation.

It's been pretty transformative for me.

And the way you demonstrated what perseverance means

and what being present means.

So thank you for being so honest.

Thank you for allowing me to have this conversation with you.

I mean, I think this is probably the most, um…

revealing and in-depth conversation I've had with just about anybody.

I'm really glad.

You asked, uh, the right questions.

You… you are

an excellent tennis partner to do this with.

Thank you for saying that.

And so now I'm gonna leave the room.

Now you have an opportunity to say goodbye in your own words.

You're gonna look at that camera over there.

And I hope that Georgia and Billie know their dad after watching this.

So thank you, Eric.

Thank you, Brad.

Billie and Georgia, these words are for you.

I tried.

I stumbled sometimes, but I tried.

Overall, we had a blast, didn't we?

I remember all the times we spent at the beach.

The two of you, me, and Mom in Malibu, Santa Monica…

Santa Monica, Hawaii, Mexico.

I see you now playing in the ocean for hours,

my water babies.

Those days, pun intended, were heaven.

I wanna tell you four things I've learned from this disease,

and I hope you won't just listen to me.

I hope you'll hear me.

First, live now,

right now, in the present.

It's hard, but I learned to do that.

For years, I would wander off mentally, lost in my head for long chunks of time,

wallowing in worry and self-pity, shame, and doubt.

I replayed decisions,

second-guessed myself.

"I should have done this." "I never should have done that."

No more.

Out of pure survival, I am forced to stay in the present.

But I don't wanna be anywhere else.

The past contains regrets.

The future remains unknown.

So you have to live now.

The present is all you have.

Treasure it. Cherish every moment.

Second, fall in love.

Not necessarily with a person,

although I do recommend that as well.

But fall in love with something.

Find your passion, your joy.

Find the thing that makes you wanna get up in the morning.

Drives you through the entire day.

I fell in love for the first time when I was about your age.

I fell in love with acting.

That love eventually got me through my darkest hours,

my darkest days,

my darkest year.

I still love my work. I still look forward to it.

I still wanna get in front of a camera and play my part.

My work doesn't define me, but it excites me.

Find something.

Find something that excites you.

Find your path.

Your purpose.

Your dream.

Then go for it.

Really go for it.

Third, choose your friends wisely.

Find your people and allow them to find you,

and then give yourselves to them.

The best of them will give back to you.

No judgment.

No conditions.

No questions asked.

I'm so thankful for my very close family and friends.

Every single one has stepped up.

I can't do even the little things I used to do.

I can't drive around town, go to the gym, get coffee, hang out.

I've learned to embrace alternatives.

My friends come to me.

We eat together, watch a game, listen to music.

They don't do anything special. They just show up.

That's a big one.

Just show up.

And love your friends with everything you have.

Hang on to them.

They will entertain you, guide you,

help you, support you, and some will save you.

Finally,

fight with every ounce of your being and with dignity.

When you face challenges,

health or otherwise, fight.

Never give up.

Fight until your last breath.

This disease is slowly taking my body,

but it will never take my spirit.

The two of you are different people.

But you're both strong and resilient.

You inherited resiliency from me.

That's my superpower.

You knock me down, I bounce right up, and I keep coming back.

I get up again and again and again.

Mark says I'm like a cat.

Except a cat has nine lives, and I'm on number 15 easily.

So when something unexpected hits you, and it will, because that's life,

fight and face it with honesty, integrity, and grace,

even if it feels or seems insurmountable.

I hope I've demonstrated that you can face anything.

You can face the end of your days.

You can face hell with dignity.

Fight, girls, and hold your heads high.

Billie and Georgia,

you are my heart.

You are my everything.

Good night.

I love you.

Those are my last words.