Original subtitles

“I struggle now to remember much of my childhood.

It only comes back to me in small fragments, and

even those memories are hard to trust.

I do remember his maps.

It's true, I spent most of my life being angry at him.

The older I get, the more I feel like I never even knew him at all.

My image of him now, I know, falls flat compared to reality.

Thank you for your memories.

They're all I have now.”

Okay, boys,

grab each one thing, and come with me in the house.

Now.

-[in Hungarian] Look after her, okay? -Okay.

Jeremy, help me with the mattress, please.

I am Miss Mousey.

Closing her eyes...

She's eating your leg.

Uh-huh. But why, what did she say?

At least everyone,

or almost everyone will have their own room.

Because I didn't want Jeremy to take that big ferry to school.

You never want to hear about the problems.

You always want to hear about the nice and good things.

Yes, but this way we can't discuss anything!

I don't know...

No. You know the answer is no.

You should come up here.

You pay us a visit.

Are you ready to leave? I should be working.

Yes, yes, in a minute.

Okay, I've got to hang up, we must go.

-Mom, your car keys! -Oh.

Come on! Get out of my way, come on!

Come.

“And eventually become an evergreen forest.

The first plants to occupy a disturbed site

are called pioneer species.

The process of processing into forest called succession.”

The heron has two methods of fishing.

Either he waits for the prey to come to him, or else he stalks it very carefully.

While one protects the nest,

the other fishes, to meet the daily increasing need for food.

As time passes,

the ritual exchanges between adults become less and less frequent,

and the strong bond between them begins to weaken.

By the time they finally leave the colony,

these bonds will have completely disappeared.

His flight path is sometimes obstructed by a bird.

The direction and force of the wind

can also prevent him from landing.

So he takes off again and tries a new approach.

No, please, no touching!

Young herons have now reached their full growth

and are left on their own.

They find food either guided by their instinct

or by following the adults to the feeding grounds.

-Thank you. -Be careful.

-Come on, let's go. -Yeah.

Let's go to my place first.

I can't wait.

Maybe you can ask your mom if we can go in the pool.

Let's go!

-Did you do your dance? -Yes I did do my dance.

I didn’t see you!

I know.

You have to do a dance before we do it.

- Make sure you do a dance. - It's our tradition.

Just wait here.

You guys!

-Help! -Stay calm.

-Help! -You grab a hold of this.

Stay calm.

Here we go, here we go!

Just hold on!

Why did you do that, sweetheart?

He wants to upset me. He wants to upset you.

Why are you talking to me in English?

Because this was our agreement.

OK.

-I can talk in Hungarian. -No.

He's troubled, but he's not crazy.

-And-- -Crazy means something else.

I just I don't want you to say something like this about my son.

He is my son too, you know that.

I mean, it's crazy to leave him like this.

That's what they told us: don't react,

just let him get bored of his own jokes.

Well, I don't know.

Please check on him, please.

Is he still out there?

Mm-hm.

What do you think about Jeremy? How he's behaving?

I don't know.

Why do you think he's like this?

I don't know, mom.

How did it go?

Why is your hair wet?

We played in the sprinkler.

Would you pick it up?

Hello?

Yeah, we've seen him.

Yeah, he’s just acting out.

No. No, I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm with you. Yes.

-Who was that? -Jason. From across the street.

He wanted to let us know that our son is dead on the front step.

My god.

I told him we are aware, and not to worry.

He will come back to life soon.

I woke up at 6:47.

Same. Around maybe 7:00.

Did you know that in the ocean--

You know how? You know a fun fact about dolphins?

What fun fact?

Sometimes dolphins will find a puffer fish,

and gang up on it, and...

bite onto it and toss it around like a football just to get high.

It's true.

Stop it!

I don't want to watch you eat.

Finish eating, we are leaving in five minutes.

Boys, do you know where's your swimsuit?

I don’t have one.

Okay, then you should wear these underwears,

so, no one will notice.

Yeah.

Listen, you gotta stop this non-stop... “work”.

I can't entertain the kids every day during the whole summer.

Oh, god...

I'm going crazy.

Even more?

Sasha, come. Let's go.

Bye.

Jeremy, come.

Jeremy.

Jeremy!

Jeremy, come!

Come with me now!

Seat belts on.

You can’t do it, it's too heavy it's like 50 pounds.

-There's not a lot. -Let me see.

-There’s like four. -There's a decently big one right here.

-Oh, he lost an arm. -Oh, put it back!

Did he take the money I gave you?

No.

Come on, let's go to the car.

Where's Jeremy?

704, 705, 706,

707, 708, 709,

710, 711,

712, 713, 714, 715.

Come!

Come, now!

Stop it!

Do you want me to crash?!

Let me try.

Ah, damn.

Dad, where's mom?

She's at an appointment.

What kind of appointment?

Dad, what kind of appointment?

Come, draw something for me.

Ta-dam!

Take a seat.

What's this do?

Try.

That's nice.

I need to...

That one.

-It's going to be Miss Mousey. -Yeah!

I know.

-Oh, that's big. -That’s one ear.

I can move it back.

Oh, wait, I'll do the bucket.

-Pull some way just a little. -Oh no!

Yeah, and then this. You have to do it, like, slowly.

And can you take this?

-A boat. -Yeah.

There we go.

Yeah, dude.

Hey. Mine has water.

Hey, blue boat is still alive.

And so are mine.

-Looking kind of rough, though. -Yep.

-Look at this. -You want one?

No.

Just try to find nice shapes,

and focus on the arrangements, okay?

Nice so far, nice.

Lesson number one, never do that.

Henry.

Time, now.

Who is that?

Me.

Time is going backwards. It's a time warp.

Yeah.

-It's awesome. -That's really cool.

Hey!

You spot instantly during this phase--

Jeremy, can you put it in the fixer, please?

-How did it go? -Hm?

How did it go?

What do you mean?

I was terrible. But what is this?

What are you doing?

You're not working.

Where, where is... where are the children?

I will show you something in the darkroom.

I don't know. I...

So now you get to be the hero,

and I'm going to the child psychologist?

I don't know so it’s...

It seems like you don't really see that we are in a crisis somehow.

So...

badly, I guess.

Did they have any advice this time?

You can listen to this whole thing.

He let you record it?

It's difficult.

You're correct, yes.

It's not clear entirely what is causing his disruptive behavior.

Even after meeting with him several times.

Can you say what he was telling you or no?

No, I can't tell you that.

But I can tell you my professional opinion.

You mean a diagnosis?

I know this is what you are after,

but a diagnosis is not always as helpful as you might think.

You don't have one?

While areas of weakness have been identified in his learning abilities.

They do not alone seem sufficient enough

to account for the level of social difficulty,

the relationship issues,

and adaptive living issues that you've reported to me.

As far as a diagnosis is concerned,

I would only feel confident in suggesting that Jeremy has signs

of what we would call Oppositional defiant disorder.

What is this?

It's what it sounds like.

It means--

He is such an asshole!

He didn't get me at all.

Switch it back, I want to hear the end of it.

That somewhere along the line,

he decided that he is the boss.

And you just have to show him,

and I mean really show him

that that's not the case. You are the boss.

Okay, now I see what you mean.

-This didn't help. -No.

-What an asshole! -Yeah.

That's what he is.

Sasha!

You're too old for this now.

And too big.

Aw, but I can’t sleep.

Oh you.

We are having now um... a girls night.

-What, am I kicked out? -Uh-huh.

Sasha, Miss Mousey, and me. We're sleeping here.

You can sleep in her bed.

-Bye. -Good night.

Nighty-night.

Is she asleep?

Yeah, I think so.

I'm taking her out.

Come on.

Miss Mousey.

Oh, no! Can I run through it?

Guys, look at how fast it's going!

She’s gonna pick it up, and have it pop it this time.

Drop it! Okay, okay!

Pick it up!

3,2,1!

Can you hold this for me?

Ma'am, is this your son?

He gave us this address.

Yes.

Your son was caught shoplifting. We apprehended him in the parking lot.

Can you take off these?

He’ll need to appear in court.

Man, talk to me!

What--

What's happening?!

Are you out of your mind?!

Calm down, stop it!

Talk to me. Hey! Talk to me!

Get away from me!

-Hey, stop it! -Get away from me!

Calm down!

Calm!

Hey, hey!

Shush, shush, shush...

Can I try?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And...

We are putting it here.

-Like this? -Yeah.

Like.

Yes.

Can Emma come over for dinner?

I don't know, I...

I think it's not a good idea.

So I'm really very happy that you are making friends, and...

you can go to their houses anytime.

But...

I don't want you to feel embarrassed...

because what is happening here, you know?

I'm not embarrassed.

But you don't know what people are saying.

So, it...

You know, it feels natural for you, but it shouldn't.

What do you mean?

If Jeremy is coming home by the police, than people are talking about it.

You know?

Yes, I think it's,

it's better like this, believe me.

To keep it separate, you know?

Listen, come out already!

Listen, do you hear me? Come out already!

-Come, for fuck's sake! -What is it?

-What is it? He is up there! -Who?

Jeremy!

Hey! Hey-hey-hey-hey!

Devil got into you?

Out of your mind?

-He's gonna die. -He's out of his mind.

Hey, stop this now, okay?

Come down!

Jeremy, can you hear me?

Please, get down, please.

Jeremy!

Jeremy...

Look at me.

Look at me, please.

Jeremy.

Get down, please.

Jeremy...

Give me the towel. Thanks.

Jeremy...

What have you done?

Oh, there she goes. She is such a loser.

I know.

What a geek!

Get lost!

Words hurt. Don't be a part of it.

The North American house hippo

is found throughout Canada and Eastern United States.

House hippos are very timid creatures that are rarely seen,

but they would defend their territory if provoked.

They come out at night to search for food, water,

and deterrents for their nests.

The favorite foods of the house hippo are chips, raisins,

and the crumbs from peanut butter and toast.

They build their nests in bedroom closets,

using lost mittens, dryer lint, and bits of string.

The nests have to be very soft and warm.

House hippos sleep about 16 hours a day.

That looked really real.

But you knew it couldn't be true, didn't you?

That's why it's good to think about what you're watching on TV.

And ask questions, kind of like you just did.

A message from Concerned Children's Advertisers.

-Hi. -Hello.

I'm from the Social Services.

-We had scheduled a house visit. -Yes.

Thank you.

This way, please.

I wanted to come by and see how things are with Jeremy.

Oh yeah, we have moved so many times.

And I always worry, what the neighbours are thinking of us.

That maybe we are bad parents.

The thing is that...

now in the last couple of days...

were some...

some moments, were not that easy with him.

Again.

She...

suggested...

to...

to... take him away.

And...

and I...

I said yes.

I just, I said yes.

It is like some big ping pong.

The doctor says to talk to the psychologist.

The psychologist says

you need to call the police when he's acting like this.

But the police do nothing.

Mm-hm, I know.

I just can't get over this.

I don't think anyone expects you to.

It's a very complicated situation, and I think, you know.

You know that.

I just worry that if someone else had him...

Maybe, you know, maybe it was me.

It’s my fault.

That maybe with someone else, he could be a superstar.

How are you all? How are your days?

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you for meeting me.

Hi.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Hi.

-Hi. -Hi.

How's everybody doing?

-Good. -How are you?

As you can tell, you're on camera.

And, I'm a filmmaker here to present you with a case file.

There is an eldest child who's presenting,

issues within the family.

Some risk taking behaviors.

And was assessed, treated, evaluated over the course of many years.

Family sort of rightfully

felt some frustrations in their availability to care.

And so I would love to get a sense of how you see this case, and assess it.

And see how those options are different now,

how the case might be handled differently now.

How old was the was the child

when he first started experiencing some of these things?

I would say there was an observation of...

sort of behavioral concerns at like 3 or 4,

but 14 years was really around the time

-things started escalating. -Right.

I have some information here about...

They give some insight into his goals.

Sure.

I just read it to you here.

He describes the best time of his life as

“Can't think of one.”

He says the best thing that could happen to him would be

“To be rich and famous.”

He feels the worst time of his life was

“When I got caught stealing twice in a row.”

He feels the worst thing that could happen to him would be

“To be like a junkie, to have a life I don't like.”

He describes his three wishes as

“To have something to travel through time in the universe,

to have lots of money, and be old enough to drive.”

There's a suggestion of a personality disorder, then sort of a...

...a backtracking of that. So...

There's a lot of confusion I find in the documents itself

about how to assess his well-being, his sense of himself,

his sense of himself, when talking to different professionals.

But this is what we have of how he felt.

I'm curious how that changes anybody's perspective.

The report talks a lot about, requiring considerable support.

And I know that this is, 20 years ago.

I wonder what sort of support was available for this young person.

Now, I think us as social workers, we see that,

fast forward 20 years, there's still not a lot of support out there

to help transition these folks from crises to stabilization.

And, going down a path that's going to be

helpful and goal-oriented.

And so I can't imagine what it looked like 20 years ago.

The piece that I read about around having a little bit of respite,

I think sounds important, provided that it's qualified with not being punitive.

I think that's really important.

If this young man, he's the eldest, you're saying,

just so I'm clear in terms of the family history. He's the eldest.

And he is the result of the mother's relationship with another man,

and the younger three children are,

the mother's relationship with a different biological father?

Yeah.

So as the eldest...

And given what I'm hearing here, this whole family is in crisis.

They're feeling, I'm sure, at their wit's end.

And probably holding two things,

wanting to get their son help, and protect their other children.

Right. So the suggestion would be to sort of,

ask the family to implement more of a...

structure to involve and provide.

With support, you know,

because they're not necessarily feeling good about him.

So how does how do we change that?

And using things he's interested in.

Yeah.

And sometimes, voluntary placements can be a good intervention.

And then looking towards reunifying the family

and doing that work to help reunify the family.

And sometimes it could create these voids and vacuums

and more problems, right?

And often, it's hard to see what the outcome is going to be.

And the initial decision is just made on,

is more made on...

Okay, the here and now what's happening intersectionaly,

in terms of like risk and danger,

and best interest of the child, whatever that means.

And so... so it's hard to predict.

And I've seen it in the instances that I have been involved with,

go quite well and not go so well.

This is hard to say.

Simple straight up assurance is such a strong currency.

Just providing that reassurance to the parents that,

“Okay, you're feeling the vortex of things right now and it's okay.”

Similar to what we're training the parents

to teach the child that it's okay if you're feeling...

...that are feeling these things, and this is why you're feeling them.

And you have a right to feel these things.

I think even just that currency of reassurance could maybe,

just maybe help them take that breather, and try again.

Try again tomorrow.

I'm getting married Walter, and I'm also getting as far away from the...

newspaper business as I can get.

What?

I'm through!

Get married, but you can't quit the newspaper business!

Why not?

I know you, Hildy, I know what quitting'd mean to you.

-What would it mean? -It'd kill you!

You can't sell me that, Walter Burns!

Who says I can't? You're a newspaperman.

That's why I'm quitting!

I want to go someplece where I can be a woman.

-You mean be a traitor. -A traitor to what?

A traitor to journalism. You're a journalist!

A journalist? What does that mean? Peeking through keyholes?

Chasing after fire engines?

Waking people up, to ask them if Hitler's going to start another war?

Hecky!

Ready?

Yeah.

I've been working on a project,

that looks back at my time with my family,

and that period of time in my life, and I...

I thought of you because you, in many ways,

are the key to those memories.

And I'm just so grateful to talk to you about it.

It's funny because I remember these...

more feelings, these moments of chaos.

And then I remember moments that, you know, were not so disruptive.

Not so dramatic.

And I remember Jeremy being, you know, as sweet as he was unpredictable.

So it's very hard to square some of my memories sometimes

of that time.

You know, he...

he certainly was struggling.

And you know, that was I think, why your parents reached out for

as much help as they did, because he just...

He really... And I don't, I just...

Your mom in particular just didn't know what to do

or where to get the help for him.

Yeah.

So I really had a lot of respect for your parents,

and everything that they were trying to do to raise you and your brothers.

In many families they had a breaking point.

And it becomes unsafe not just for that person

that is going to move into a foster home,

but it becomes unsafe for the other people in the home.

And it's a very difficult decision.

So he had some pretty unique behaviors.

And they were really upsetting for your mom.

She was always very worried about...

where that would lead.

And disappointed in the services and support and answers that she got.

She didn't get answers that really made sense,

or that were supportive.

Yeah.

He didn't have a lot of friends.

And when he would come out of his room,

he had the ability to just take whatever was happening in the room,

and just upset it and spin it.

And, you know, he demanded a lot of attention in that moment.

And I do remember that he would have gasoline in his room.

He would have not very much, but he would have some in his room.

And I remember your mom being so scared because he had made this threat,

that he was going to burn the house down with everybody in it.

I can't even imagine, as your parents being in the house,

knowing that threat has been made

and there are things in place

that could make it happen in a split second.

You know, that's something I always wondered,

it's maybe why he didn't get a diagnosis.

But we’ll never know.

We'll never know, you know, the truth I don't think.

It's really hard to sort that through.

But he...

The character that I saw, the person that I saw

certainly demonstrated or looked like someone who was really suffering.

Who was really struggling, who was really...

alone and isolated and...

invested in...

Yeah, invested in the chaos, really invested in the chaos.

I hope some day to be able to be in the presence of your parents again.

They're both very strong people.

They're very resilient, you know.

And I have a lot of respect for them, for sure.

And so I hope someday that I cross paths with them too.

-Hello. -Hi.

-You're from Social Services? -Yes.

Sorry. That's right.

It's nice to meet you.

This way please.

Do you mind if I look around first?

Yeah, that's fine.

Miss Mousey.

Can I turn this light on?

Yes. It's okay now.

-Hi. -Hi.

-It's nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you too.

-Please have a seat. -Thank you.

Hi.

Hi, hello.

How are you both doing?

Yeah.

We are fine, thanks.

How are things with Jeremy?

You can talk, too, you know?

Yes, I will. But please, you start.

It feels like...

somehow I'm cursed.

He's so troubled.

We tried everything.

Therapy...

special school, homeschooling.

It didn't work.

He doesn't want to listen to anybody.

Not us, not any adult could ever control him.

He was six years old,

when one day, something happened with his eyes.

You can tell this one.

We were playing catch with a ball, just back and forth, and...

then suddenly he could not catch it anymore.

I would throw it for him and...

his hands would cross the air in front of him,

but he just could not see the ball anymore.

It was something very strange, but

his eyes just sudden went crossed.

It was very bizarre, and...

and I think it scared him.

-It scared us too, of course. -Yeah.

So I don't know...

This is one of the unlucky things that comes to my mind.

And he had to get these big glasses

with such a very young age.

And I think because of this, and...

from his accent at the beginning,

the kids at the school were not nice to him.

-You mean he was picked on? -Yes.

Did he talk to either of you about this?

He...

He doesn't care about what others saying about him.

He never cared about

making friends.

He's just...

He likes to be the clown

to everyone.

He was always like this.

And how is he with his siblings?

Sometimes he's really nasty with them,

but sometimes he's very sweet.

Why do you think he's like this?

He's uncontrollable completely.

He's doing really big and risky things.

And he can hurt himself or...

others.

And he doesn't care if he's getting caught.

So one day, he stole a bicycle from a yard,

and he came home totally beaten up, and his face was blue.

I don't know what he was thinking.

And he told me it was just for fun.

I don't know what, what is he thinking?

And...

and he's stealing from us.

We can't keep any money where he can find it.

He takes whatever he sees.

Sometimes he's taking things from the house,

and brings them to the pawn shop just to get a few dollars.

He would even steal from his siblings.

He thinks that he's some kind of gangster guy.

He tried to sell fake drugs

to some boys on the street at 14 years old.

So we can't, we...

We can't tell him anything.

He doesn't listen to us.

Grounding, rules, nothing.

Is it true that he once threatened to burn the house down?

Yeah, I know he hates me.

What should we do now? That's what we need to know, yeah?

What are we supposed to do?

From what I understand,

the best option would be something called voluntary placement.

Voluntary placement? What does it mean exactly?

It means he would be placed with a foster family, essentially.

I'm sorry.

This is a very hard thing for us to hear.

I'm sure you understand.

We are trying so hard for so many years with Jeremy.

Listen, do something, cos she wants to take my child.

-What should I do? -I don't know, but...

She thinks we're horrible parents, and she wants to take him.

No! She didn't say that! Calm down!

She did.

You are the one who's too calm, okay?

- We must say something, don't we? - You talk to her then!

-Where are you going now? -I need some water.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to upset her.

It's okay.

We're just both so exhausted from all of this.

And we feel like there is no good options left.

Have you ever heard...

about a family like this?

How come nobody has to give their children away?

Just alcohol addicts or people who are beating their children.

I don't understand why.

I wish I had a better answer.

What if we try this?

Just for a little while.

Maybe if he goes away

he can do better

and then he comes home.

Could we see him still?

You will see him again.

You will try many, many times to keep him at home.

You will do everything in your power to help him.

It will consume you entirely.

You won't give up, but you will get tired

as the years go on and on.

He will go to foster care,

but it will be a temporary solution.

You will doubt yourself as a parent,

and at times, your life.

You will begin to close yourself from the world.

No one will understand.

And it will only worsen.

He himself will have no explanation,

other than he cannot manage.

You will beg for change and solutions.

He will grow into an adult,

and the help he needs, he will not get.

It won't get better.

Countless professionals will come in and out of your life.

But it won't change.

Despite what you know of him and yourself,

you will lose him.

This doesn't have to be a permanent solution.

It could also be a temporary one as well.

To send him to a totally stranger family?

Do you think...

Did you have a friend named Elijah?

Mm-hm.

How come I don’t remember that?

I think there's a lot you don't remember.

"Dear Sasha.

I grew up with your brother Jeremy.

We were never really close,

but he was one of the most memorable of my friends from school.

In grade ten we were suspended together for stealing from lockers.

That's a long story, but...

Jeremy wasn't really involved.

Even though I took the blame, Jeremy still got in trouble.

And I felt pretty bad about that.

He invited me over to hang out one time,

and he showed me his maps of towns and cities.

They remain some of the most unique art I've seen.

I would sometimes see him out with people, who were not very good influences.

I was really unsure how to help.

I began seeing less and less of him.

After high school, I didn't see much of him,

but I would think of him often.

Recently, I tried to look him up on Facebook,

but couldn't find anything.

But I came across you...

and your films.

That's where I learned about his passing.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I saw in your film what you said about being angry at Jeremy,

and your regrets about that now.

I also have a brother,

who I’ve been angry with for most of my life.

I just wanted to share my memories of your brother.

And that I always knew him as a special soul,

who had a kind heart."