Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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South Park 904 512x384 Xvid 136MB
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Best Friends Forever
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Subtitles by Tzar
http://titulkykserialum.net
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Mom! Mom! Get up, we have to go!
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MOM, GET UP!
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Oh, Poopie-kins, it's very early.
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Mom, I told you! The new Sony PSP game
machines go on sale at seven a.m. today.
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I have to be the first to get one! Come on!
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Sweetie, can't we go after school?
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Everyone's moms are taking
their kids after school!
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We're outsmarting everyone by getting to
the store right when it opens! Let's go!
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I can't wait to see the look on everyone's
faces when I show up to school with a PSP!
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I wonder if Kyle will cry?
Oh PLEASE let Kyle cry!
14
00:01:07,631 --> 00:01:08,746
What the hell?!
15
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Kenny, when did you get here?
16
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Friday?! Aw, Jesus!
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I'll just... sort of get in here- in here.
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Hey dickhole! What do you think you're doing?
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Uh, my friend Kenny was
saving my place in line.
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There's no saving place, fourthie!
Get to the back or we'll beat your face in!
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Oh, Goddamnit!
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They'd better not sell out!
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That thing is pretty cool.
What games did you get with it?
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It's a game called "Heaven versus Hell." Kenny commands
the armies of heaven against the forces of Satan.
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- Dude, you see what Kenny got?
- YES YES, I KNOW! UP YOURS, KYLE!
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- Wuh what'd I do?
- JUST SHUT YOUR JEW MOUTH!
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"Congratulations! You have reached ...lever nine!"
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Wow, level nine already?
Dude, you kick ass in "Heaven versus Hell."
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Yeah, Kenny finally found
something he's really good at.
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Kenny? Kenny, are you still
playin' with that thing?
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Kenny, it's been two weeks
and you've done nothin' else!
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Who cares if you almost
made it to lever sixty?!
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You're wastin' your life, Kenny!
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If you died tomorrow, what
would you have to show for it?!
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You'er gonna end up wishin' you'd done more
with your life, just like your dead-beat father!
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- Hey, I heard that, bitch!
- I wasn't talkin' to you, asshole!!
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- How about I come in there and kick your teeth in!
- I'd like to see you try!
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You have reached level sixty!
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Oh yeah, lever four, sweet!
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Open the gate!
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Open the gate!
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Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,
Kenny. I am Peter.
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There isn't much time, Kenny.
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You're dead, but, your death was no accident.
Heaven needs you.
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Come! There is much to discuss
46
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Things are not good in Heaven, Kenny.
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Satan is planning a massiva attack
and he knows we are too few in number to stop him!
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God has changed the rules here.
For ages, only Mormons were allowed into Heaven.
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- Hello
- Hi, dear!
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But knowing that Hell was becoming much larger,
God decided to let more people cross over
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so that he could build an army as well,
an army that YOU must command.
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The Sony PSP was built by God,
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to determine who on Earth had
the best skills to defeat the armies of Satan.
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You... are the best.
YOU, are the only hope for the universe.
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Satan's army grows as we speak.
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The Dark Lord knows that our armies
are few in number, and unorgamized.
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So our only hope... is perfect strategy.
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A child? This is God's solution?
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He beat Satan's army in over three
thousand separate simulations.
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Archangel Michael, what say you?
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The child did something none of us could:
Reach lever sixty on the PSP.
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Now I don't know if that's luck or perseverence,
but it's Goddamned impressive.
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All right, Kenny, let me show
you what we're up against.
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This is the Kingdom of Heaven.
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Satan's armies will attack the gate ...here.
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They are... ten billion in number.
Maybe more.
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Our armies are here, here, and here.
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Just under... ten thousand strong.
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We are outnumbered and in need of someone who can
singlehandedly bring the whole Dark Empire down.
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Basically, Kenny, you... are Keanu Reeves.
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My fellow damned souls!
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Now is the time for our assault!
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You know no fear!
You will drink the blood of angels!
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We go now! Nothing can stop us!
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Step aside! Step aside, I say!
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Satan! God has mocked thee once again!
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My spy!
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God has found a way to defeat your army.
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Impossible! How?!
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A young man. Basically,
he he's like Keanu Reeves.
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Oh Jesus Christ.
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My Lord. My Lord, we must attack, now!
83
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What's the point?!
They have a Keanu Reeves now.
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Do not fear, my Lord.
Your army is great!
85
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Very well.
86
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Demon Army, begin your march on Heaven!
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Up here, you get the best tactical
view to protect the fortress.
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It is from here, Kenny, that you shall
command the armies of heaven.
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Simple. You will use... this.
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This golden PSP is king of all PSPs.
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Hail the holy PSP.
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It works just like the ones we sent to Earth.
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All the commands you make will be sent to the
troops down on the battlefield.
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All you have to do is play the game, Kenny.
Only this time, It's for reals.
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Gabriel returns with news!
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Hell's army is departing!
They head now for the Gates of Heaven.
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Prepare the troops!
We must be ready for them!
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The time is at hand, Kenny.
99
00:08:03,053 --> 00:08:06,068
The stage is set and the final battle between
Heaven and Hell is about to begin!
100
00:08:06,379 --> 00:08:08,461
The fate of the outcome is in your hands.
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Where'd he go?
102
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Doctor! Doctor, we have a pulse!
103
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Then that's it! We brought him back.
104
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Amazing, doctor! You've revived somebody
who's been legally dead for almost a day!
105
00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:26,301
Call the parents. They're going
to be shocked to find out...
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their son is alive.
107
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It's the latest in electro-plastilical science.
Your son's organs are all functioning again.
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It's a miracle... Kenny, you're alive.
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I'm a-fraid he can't respond to you.
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You see, being dead for that long, most of Kenny's
brain cells died from lack of oxygen.
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Your son is alive, but, in what we call a
"persistant meditative staute."
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Will he ever recover?
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I'm afraid no.
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Brain cells cannot be repaied once dead.
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But his soul is still in here.
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Almost... trapped in here, if you will.
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Kenny is the same as he ever was.
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It's just that, now, he's more like ...a tomato.
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He can't more on hiw own-ah how will he eat?
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A feeding tube. It pumps a nutrient paste
directly into Kenny's stomache.
121
00:09:16,261 --> 00:09:20,505
With it we can actually keep Kenny
the tomato alive for years.
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A feeding tube?!
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Yes. Apparently they're using
machines to keep them alive.
124
00:09:29,865 --> 00:09:34,748
But... that's not natural. God intended Kenny
to die! What are these people doing?!
125
00:09:34,994 --> 00:09:38,801
The child's soul is now trapped
inside his vegetative body.
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We have no one to command the troops with the PSP's
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And Satan's armies are approaching.
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Oh God-damnit
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Boys I want to thank you for coming down to
my office on such short notice.
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Are we in trouble or something?
131
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No. Boys, I'm a laywer.
132
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Your friend Kenny has passed away
and I've called you here to read his will.
133
00:10:03,860 --> 00:10:05,158
Kenny had a will?
134
00:10:06,151 --> 00:10:13,627
In the highly liekly event of my death, I, Kenny McCormick,
wish to leave all my belongings to my good friends, Stan and Kyle.
135
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Dudes, you were the friends a guy could have.
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That's... really touching.
137
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Fag!
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To Eric Cartman:
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00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:28,045
Eric, I never really liked you.
But then, nobody does.
140
00:10:28,581 --> 00:10:32,816
You have no ability to feel, and you are going
to die alone and miserable.
141
00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:38,063
It is only because I feel so sorry for you
that I leave you my Sony PSP.
142
00:10:38,736 --> 00:10:42,983
Oh yeah! Oh yeah, baby!
Who the man? Who the man?
143
00:10:43,189 --> 00:10:46,877
There is one more thing I would like
to ask you all, as my friends.
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If I should ever be in a vegetative state
and kept alive on life-support, please,...
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Please what?
146
00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:02,009
I don't know. I lost the last page.
147
00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:05,968
Who cares? Kenny's dead!
When do I take possession of my PSP, sir?
148
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It's right here, along with Kenny's
other belongings. They're all yours.
149
00:11:11,218 --> 00:11:11,971
Yes!
150
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- He's alive!
- What?
151
00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:16,898
Kenny McCormick! He's alive at the hospital!
152
00:11:18,023 --> 00:11:19,344
Oh my God!
153
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:34,208
Your army nears the Kingdon of Heaven, my Lord.
154
00:11:34,225 --> 00:11:38,953
I don't know if we should continue without
knowing more about this Keanu Reeves God has.
155
00:11:39,113 --> 00:11:41,562
Satan! I come bearing good news!
156
00:11:41,672 --> 00:11:46,243
The Keanu Reeves boy has been revived on Earth!
His soul is no longer in Heaven.
157
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Then God is helping us.
158
00:11:49,966 --> 00:11:54,012
Full march, to the Gates of Heaven!
Victory is ours!
159
00:11:57,566 --> 00:11:59,000
Kenny?
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00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:01,466
- Kenny! You're alive!
- Dude, how's you do that??
161
00:12:02,372 --> 00:12:04,015
He can't responde to you, boys.
162
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Being dead for that long caused
severe damage to his brain.
163
00:12:07,374 --> 00:12:08,889
Well... well then he's NOT alive.
164
00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:13,050
He's alive. He-ee smiles when
I talk to him. I think...
165
00:12:13,246 --> 00:12:16,857
That's not Kenny. Kenny sniffs paint
and sets things on fire! Here, look.
166
00:12:17,134 --> 00:12:19,215
Kenny, Kenny look. Want a dollar?
167
00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:22,887
I I don't know if it's right to keep
Kenny alive on that machine.
168
00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:25,606
I I just... I don't know what he would want.
169
00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:27,364
Yeah, the lawyer lost that page.
170
00:12:27,531 --> 00:12:28,865
Oh, I just remembered!
171
00:12:28,953 --> 00:12:32,546
Kenny told me this one time, that he wouldn't
wanna be kept alive via feeding tube.
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00:12:32,635 --> 00:12:33,600
He did? When?
173
00:12:33,671 --> 00:12:36,100
Um, it was um, this one time...
174
00:12:36,617 --> 00:12:40,170
He did not say that!
You just want him dead so you can have his stupid PSP!
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Stupid? PSP is stupid?!
Did you all hear that??
176
00:12:43,734 --> 00:12:48,023
Uh I mean, I mean this isn't about PSP, Kyle!
His is about my friend, and his wishes.
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00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,880
And Kenny said he didn't want to live like this!
178
00:12:49,896 --> 00:12:50,980
- He did not!
- Did so!
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00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,707
- Did not!
- Fine! We'll see about this, you freakin' Jew!
180
00:12:53,891 --> 00:12:57,767
I'm gonna get that feeding tube removed
if I have to go all the way to the Supreme Court!
181
00:13:01,709 --> 00:13:04,043
Satan's army has crossed over the Plains of Limbo!
182
00:13:04,153 --> 00:13:08,964
Then they will be here on the morrow. Without Kenny's
soul here there will be nobody who can use the holy PSP.
183
00:13:09,129 --> 00:13:11,788
No! There is another.
184
00:13:12,019 --> 00:13:14,940
A Japanese boy did make it to level fifty-nine.
185
00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:20,178
Are you stupid, Uriel?
Japanese people don't have souls!
186
00:13:20,405 --> 00:13:22,459
- Yeah
- Yeah, Uriel!
187
00:13:22,626 --> 00:13:24,260
Oh, right right, I'm sorry
188
00:13:24,359 --> 00:13:27,245
Kenny remains our only hope!
Here is what we must do.
189
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:31,999
Gabriel and Uriel, you go down to Earth
and try to get that feeding tube removed.
190
00:13:32,821 --> 00:13:34,735
In the meantime we will put
all our troops at Heaven's Gate.
191
00:13:34,735 --> 00:13:38,209
We will try to keep Hell's Aermy
from breaking through as long as possible.
192
00:13:39,683 --> 00:13:43,613
Hopefull, it will be long enough
to get our Keanu Reeves back.
193
00:13:45,596 --> 00:13:49,268
You see your honor, I was the only one that
Kenny McCormick told his wishes to.
194
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:53,413
And Kenny told me specifically that he would never
want to be kept alive on a machine.
195
00:13:53,873 --> 00:13:55,855
What they're doing to him ...is not right.
196
00:13:56,892 --> 00:14:00,339
Well I'm sorry, young man, but the parents
want their child kept alive.
197
00:14:00,485 --> 00:14:02,576
I don't believe you have any
legal authority here.
198
00:14:02,685 --> 00:14:04,269
I do have legal authority, your honor.
199
00:14:04,650 --> 00:14:07,772
You see, I was Kenny's... BFF.
200
00:14:10,771 --> 00:14:12,300
Best friends forever?
201
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:15,957
That's right. Kenny and I have been BFFs
since first grade. Here, look.
202
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:19,000
Kenny has the other half of this BFF necklace.
203
00:14:19,101 --> 00:14:22,591
I believe you all know what that means,
and how serious this is.
204
00:14:24,121 --> 00:14:26,654
Look, Kenny, your friends
are here to visit you again.
205
00:14:27,561 --> 00:14:29,292
But this just doesn't seem right.
206
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:30,940
Wha, what's the matter, doctor?
207
00:14:31,099 --> 00:14:34,329
I'm afraid I've been given a court order
to remove Kenny's feeding tube.
208
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:35,215
What?
209
00:14:35,445 --> 00:14:37,424
- He's right in here.
- Cartman!
210
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:41,816
Kenny's BFF says that Kenny didn't want
to be kept alive artificially.
211
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:44,482
The courts have determined
we must obey his wish.
212
00:14:44,507 --> 00:14:46,328
Cartman is NOT Kenny's BFF!
213
00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:48,242
Sir, take a look at this.
214
00:14:51,332 --> 00:14:54,643
That's all the verification we need.
Pull the feeding tube, doctor.
215
00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:56,322
No doctor! You can't!
216
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,346
I'm sorry. I have no choice.
217
00:15:03,676 --> 00:15:04,847
Here is the hospital
218
00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:09,782
This is hopeless, Gabriel. We cannot interact with anything on Earth,
how could we possibly get a feeding tube removed?
219
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,844
That dirty no-good sonofabitch!
220
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,587
Now that Cartman got Kenny's feeding tube out,
he he's gonna die for sure!
221
00:15:16,029 --> 00:15:17,418
The tube has been removed?
222
00:15:17,559 --> 00:15:19,666
How can they let an eight-year-old
decide Kenny's fate?
223
00:15:19,976 --> 00:15:22,420
Apparently, some blessed child
has done our work for us.
224
00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:26,987
Good. Now all we must do is pray nobody interferes
with the child's death a second time.
225
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:30,306
Dude, we have to do whatever we can to get
that feeding tube put back in!
226
00:15:30,366 --> 00:15:31,623
- Yeah!
- No!
227
00:15:31,882 --> 00:15:35,497
Let's go to the, uh, media. We'll make everyone
in the country know that they're killing Kenny.
228
00:15:35,662 --> 00:15:36,517
Yeah, come on!
229
00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:39,743
No! No, no boys! Aw Goddamnit!
230
00:15:42,339 --> 00:15:45,049
This is HBC News. A right-to-die case debate
is heating up in Colorado,
231
00:15:45,061 --> 00:15:48,922
where Kenny McCormick's feeding tube
has been removed by his BFF.
232
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:53,563
Two boys are bringing national attention to this
story by protesting outside the hospital.
233
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:57,622
- Don't kill Kenny!
- You bastards!
234
00:15:57,746 --> 00:16:00,327
- Don't kill Kenny!
- You bastards!
235
00:16:00,395 --> 00:16:03,068
No! No, they're not killing him,
they're letting him die!
236
00:16:03,115 --> 00:16:07,327
You bureaucrats have no right to
play God and take that tube out!
237
00:16:07,555 --> 00:16:10,487
Nono, see, they were playing God when
they put the feeding tube IN!
238
00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:13,631
A woman was arrested for trying
to bring food to the patient.
239
00:16:14,213 --> 00:16:16,120
Get your man-hands off of me!
240
00:16:16,507 --> 00:16:21,456
However, a growing number of people are also
standing behind Kenny's BFF, Eric Cartman.
241
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:25,064
We must respect the wishes of people's BFFs.
242
00:16:25,264 --> 00:16:28,976
Otherwise, all our BFF necklaces
would become meaningless
243
00:16:29,117 --> 00:16:34,108
We all have BFFs, and we believe that a BFF is
the highest legal authority.
244
00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:36,602
That's right. Respect our authoritih-m.
245
00:16:37,381 --> 00:16:39,282
What mockery is this?!
246
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:40,548
My Lord...
247
00:16:40,919 --> 00:16:42,524
The feeding tube has been pulled!
248
00:16:42,598 --> 00:16:46,743
If the child dies and his soul returns
to heaven, God will have his Keanu Reeves!
249
00:16:47,466 --> 00:16:49,497
Perhaps the child won't die in time.
250
00:16:49,684 --> 00:16:51,641
Forget it! I'm calling the attack off!
251
00:16:51,997 --> 00:16:53,042
No!
252
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:57,912
Keep your army marching, my Lord.
I will get that feeding tube put back in.
253
00:16:58,782 --> 00:16:59,902
How?
254
00:17:00,021 --> 00:17:04,124
I will do what we always do: Use the Republicans.
255
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:10,469
We Republicans are deeply saddened by
the tragic events in Colorado.
256
00:17:13,272 --> 00:17:15,682
Removing the feeding tube is murder,
257
00:17:16,347 --> 00:17:18,744
Removing the feeding tube is murder!
258
00:17:19,087 --> 00:17:21,746
Who are we to decide if Kenny should live or die?
259
00:17:22,263 --> 00:17:25,068
Who are we to decide if Kenny should live or die?
260
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:27,653
It is God's will that he live!
261
00:17:28,108 --> 00:17:29,940
It is God's will that he LIVE!
262
00:17:33,610 --> 00:17:35,825
No no, you don't say that part.
263
00:17:36,371 --> 00:17:39,000
No no, you don't say that part, haghaghaghagha.
264
00:17:50,078 --> 00:17:52,380
Jesus, their army is massive.
265
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,458
Heaven help us.
266
00:17:55,095 --> 00:17:59,757
The biggest battle of all time is about to begin:
the battle of the feeding tube.
267
00:18:00,023 --> 00:18:03,132
As people on both sides of
the argument vie for media attention.
268
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:08,780
We want all the country to see that
Kenny is alive, and in pain!
269
00:18:08,939 --> 00:18:12,000
I believe the people at home see he's NOT
in pain because he's a tomato!
270
00:18:12,072 --> 00:18:13,740
You say tomato, but I say Kenny!
271
00:18:13,896 --> 00:18:15,670
You say Kenny, but I say tomato!
272
00:18:15,863 --> 00:18:18,400
- Tomato!
- Kenny!
273
00:18:19,657 --> 00:18:24,155
Uuhh, excuse me. I uh, just found
the last page of Kenny's will.
274
00:18:26,253 --> 00:18:27,300
What?
275
00:18:27,352 --> 00:18:31,600
I found the page where Kenny specified
his wishes about being on life support.
276
00:18:31,983 --> 00:18:33,226
Well, what does it say?
277
00:18:34,262 --> 00:18:41,062
If I should ever be in a vegetative state
and kept alive on life support, please...
278
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:48,311
for the love of God, don't ever show me in
that condition on national television.
279
00:18:56,684 --> 00:18:59,872
Oh geez. Maybe we let this thing get out of hand.
280
00:19:00,211 --> 00:19:04,361
This issue is so complicated, but...
mmaybe we shhhould just let Kenny go in peace.
281
00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,700
You mean, Cartman's side is right?
282
00:19:06,868 --> 00:19:09,510
Cartman's side is right,
for the wrong reasons.
283
00:19:09,611 --> 00:19:12,601
But we're wrong,
for the right reasons.
284
00:19:13,627 --> 00:19:16,395
Come on, everybody.
I think Kenny wants to be left alone.
285
00:19:22,515 --> 00:19:26,362
We've just received word that Kenny McCormick...
has passed away.
286
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:32,774
The debate still rages on in America,but at least
now, Kenny... is in a much more peaceful place.
287
00:19:34,192 --> 00:19:35,979
The armies of Satan have already
broken through the gate!
288
00:19:36,055 --> 00:19:37,760
We're gonna die!!!
289
00:19:38,393 --> 00:19:41,436
Send our troops to the battlefield!
I'll command as best I can!
290
00:19:41,877 --> 00:19:45,481
Michael! Michael!
The humans finally did the right thing!
291
00:19:45,959 --> 00:19:47,795
Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
292
00:19:47,869 --> 00:19:49,492
Get him into the command station! Hurry!
293
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:53,082
Satan's army charges!
Tell our troops what to do, Kenny!
294
00:19:54,318 --> 00:20:00,136
So it begins. Now we shall see the final
battle between Heaven and Hell play out!
295
00:20:06,363 --> 00:20:10,350
Yesss, good, Kenny! The angel spearmen
are taking out their demon soulrippers!
296
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:14,479
Oh, the cavalry angels are clashing
with their Black Knights!
297
00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:17,898
Oh my God! My God, this battle is epic!
298
00:20:19,021 --> 00:20:22,656
Ohh, they're bringing in their demon dragons!
Look at the size of them!
299
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:28,950
My God, this is even bigger than
the final battle in the Lord of the Rings movie!
300
00:20:28,992 --> 00:20:31,658
It's like, it's like TEN times
bigger than that battle!
301
00:20:33,373 --> 00:20:36,456
No! NO! How are we losing?!
302
00:20:36,696 --> 00:20:39,637
The child's soul is in Heaven!
God has his secret weapon!
303
00:20:39,857 --> 00:20:40,938
We'll retreat!
304
00:20:41,224 --> 00:20:42,458
Patience, my Lord!
305
00:20:42,579 --> 00:20:45,922
No, Kevin!
That's it! I'm breaking up with you!
306
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,607
Yesss. Yes, Kenny! Satan's forces are retreating!
307
00:20:51,713 --> 00:20:55,529
This is TRULY a sight to behold!
OH I wish I had a camcorder!
308
00:20:58,079 --> 00:21:01,307
We have done it! We have defeated
the armies of Satan!
309
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:09,446
Kenny! Bless your soul!
You've saved all of Heaven!
310
00:21:09,718 --> 00:21:15,592
Yes, Kenny! And to thank you for all you've done,
we are going to give you a very special gift.
311
00:21:16,326 --> 00:21:20,575
For saving the entire universe from
the forces of evil, we give you this.
312
00:21:22,754 --> 00:21:24,920
Keanu Reeves' statue.
313
00:21:25,682 --> 00:21:27,430
Congratulations.
26256
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