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South Park 801 512x384 Xvid 141MB
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Subtitles by Tzar
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Hello, Mr. Garrison, I'm Dr. Biber.
I'll be performing your surgery today.
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God bless you, Doctor.
I know you'll make me well again.
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Now, you're absolutely sure you want a vaginoplasty?
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My whole life I've been a woman trapped in a man's body.
A sex-change operation is my last chance at happiness.
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All right, then let's begin.
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Just relax, Mr. Garrison.
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I think if more people could just see a sex-change operation,
they would know how perfectly natural it is.
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The first thing I'm going to do is slice your balls.
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With the scrotum open,
I can now discard of your testicles.
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So long, balls.
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Now, I'll just continue the incision up the shaft of the penis.
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Oh, that stings.
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Now I'll just... turn your... penis inside out.
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OH! Oh jeez.
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All we need to do now is ...stuff the
...unskinned penis inside your... pelvis...
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And now I'll use the skin from
your penis to make vaginal lips.
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Do I look like a woman?
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Pretty much.
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Dude, don't be nervous.
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How can I not be nervous? Trying out for
the All-State team has been my dream for years.
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You're the best player at our school, dude.
You'll make the team for sure.
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This is ridiculous. Jews can't play basketball.
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I beat out YOUR fat ass, Cartman!
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All students trying out for
the All-State team to center court!
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Good luck.
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All right boys, now you're all here because
you're the best of the best.
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I know that you've all worked really hard to make it this far,
so let's get out there and SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT!
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Excuse me, Brof-Broflovski, is it?
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Yeah?
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Can we talk to you for a minute?
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You uh... You're the best player in your school, are ya?
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Yep! I love basketball.
I wanna play for the Denver Nuggets one day.
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Yeah. Uh, look, kid, you've got great skills and a great attitude.
But you're just not physically ...built for the game.
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Oo whataya mean?
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Well, it's just that... Jew's can't play basketball.
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Awwright, kids, we've gotta work on that shooting! Come on!
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Dude, you were awesome, Kyle.
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Look, y-you gave it your best shot, right?
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That's all you could do.
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Nyanyanyanyanyaaanyaaa!
You-hoo-hoo-hoo loh-ost! Hahahahahaaahaaa!
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Kyle, I'm totally ripping on you at
a totally inappropriate time.
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I know. I deserve it.
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Yeah, you know why?
Because Jews can't play basketball!
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You're right.
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Jesus, that was fun...
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Hey everybody, you're not gonna believe it!
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Believe what?
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It's Mr. Garrison! Only it ISN'T
Mr. Garrison! He- He's a woman now!
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Hello everybody!
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Can you believe it ladies? I'm one of YOU now!
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Wow, just look at all these tampons!
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Regular, heave flow- Oh boy,
I can't wait till I get my first period!
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Hi gals! Oh boy, can you believe
the sales they're havin' out there?
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Well, I'm about to pee out my vagina
for the first time.
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Give us a hug. Girls' Club!
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Oh wow! This is great.
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Look at that, I'm peeing sittin'
down like a dainty dignified little woman.
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Sany, any of you ladies wanna
go see a sad movie together?
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You guys try those new wings tampons?
Do those work well?
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Kyle, you have to cheer up, dude.
So you aren't built right for basketball.
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But I feel like a basketball player.
That's all I wanna do.
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Hello, boys! It's me, your teacher!
Mrs. Garrison!
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You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties.
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I had a sex-chamge operation.
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My penis is now a vagina and I'm experiencing
womanhood for the first time in my life!
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See ya in class!
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Mom? Dad? What's a sex-change operation?
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What? Th'um, nuh-nothing.
I- I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
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But our teacher, Mr. Garrison?
He just had his penis made into a vagina. How come?
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Penis!
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Your teacher had a sex change?? Oh my God!
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Vagina!
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That does it! I'm taking you boys OUT OF THAT SCHOOL!
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Gerald, that is very closed-minded of you!
You shouldn't judge people who want to change.
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He's a teacher! How are we supposed
to explain this to our children?!
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It's very simple.
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You see, Kyle, sometimes a person' outside
doesn't reflect who they are on the inside.
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Yeah. That's right.
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They feel like they're somebody trapped
in another person's body.
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And so, they can have a surgery that makes
them more into the person they see themselves as.
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- Do you understand???
- Totally! I totally understand!
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There. You see, Gerald?
He totally understands.
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So, I hear you're interested in reconstructive surgery.
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Yeah. My school teacher wanted to be a woman,
and you made him into one.
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Oh yes, Mr. Garrison. Uh yes, he had a vaginoplasty. Mhm.
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Well, do you also do other surgeries like that?
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Sure. You see sometimes a woman wants to be a man.
That procedure is called a peniplasty.
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No, no, uh I wanna be tall and black.
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...You what?
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I hate being small and Jewish.
I feel like a tall black man.
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Ohhhhh! You want a negroplasty!
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- Yeah!
- Wha-a-a negroplasty??
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It's a fairly common procedure, really,
just the reverse of a caucasioplasty just like Michael Jackson had.
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Let's take a look here.
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What we do is slice your face and peel it back so
we can insert now pig-ment producing cells inside.
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We break the arm bones in several places
and put braces to make them longer.
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Now, the knees we need to snap off
and fill with small round objects that can cause better movement.
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And we finish it off with a nice peniplasty
to enhance the genitalia.
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Negroplasty takes about seven hours
and costs roughly 3000$.
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Uh excuse me, is this really a good idea?
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Well, it's a good idea if you wanna be tall and black.
Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it.
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Hello, Mr. Slave. Boy have I been busy.
A woman's work is never done.
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I got some tampons.
I should be getting my period really soon.
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I hope I don't get too emotional
and drive you crazy with my PMS.
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Mr. Slave, I got somethin' for us, too.
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Would you like to take this beautiful woman to bed?
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- No thanks.
- Nu- no thanks?
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Come on, Mr. Slave, I wanna try out my new snootch.
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I can't believe you just went ahead
and had that surgery without even asking me what I thought.
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Well, I ASSUMED you supported me.
It's still me; I just have a vagina instead of a penis.
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But I'm gay! I don't like vaginas!
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Don't you even care that I was suffering?
I wasn't happy the way I was!
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It's great that you feel better, but you never stopped
to think about how other people around you would feel!
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Look, we can still be together.
All you have to do is stop being gay!
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- How can you say that?! You're gay too!
- I'm not gay! I'm a woman!
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Oh, Jezuth Christh!
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Oh, so is that it?! You're just gonna walk out?!
You men are all alike!
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Go ahead and find somebody
who doesn't have a vagina, you fag!
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Mom! Dad! I have awesome news!
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The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison his sex change
said he can make me tall and black.
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What??
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Dr. Biber said he can give me a negroplasty so
I can finally look the way I've always wanted.
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He even took my picture and then did computer imaging
to show what I would look like after the surgery.
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Oh, just great! You see, Sheila?!
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This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you!
Now your son wants to be transracial!
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Can I have 3000$ ? Mom and Dad, huh?? Can I??
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- Absolutely not, Kyle!
- But why not?
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00:10:06,829 --> 00:10:09,776
You said sometimes people need surgery
to make them feel better about themselves.
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Yes, but Kyle...
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Well, all my life I felt I was black! I've listened to hip-hop,
I watch UPN and I love playing basketball!
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My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
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Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.
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- Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?
- The answer is NO, Kyle! You're NOT going to have negroplasty!
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- But Jews can't play basketball!
- Kyle, you'd better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!!
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I'm never speaking to either of you ever again!
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- Oh, that does it!
- Where are you going?!
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That Dr. Biber is about to get his ass bitten off!
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Who the hell do you think you are?!
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Dr. Biber.
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What kind of nutjob would agree to surgically
alter my son into a tall African-American?!
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- Oh, you're Kyle's father.
- Huh that's right! And I also happen to be a lawyer!
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And I'm gonna have you sued for malpractice,
and your clinic shut down!!
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What is that on your shirt?
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What th- Look, they're- They're dolphins. Why?
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00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,429
Ahhh you like dolphins, hm?
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I love dolphins, Ever since I was a child I dreamt of...
But that has hardly any bearing on what I'm hear to-
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I can make you one.
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00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:22,358
...What?
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00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,588
Invert the back, move the esophagus to the top of the head.
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Yes, a full dolphinoplasty could be achieved relatively simply...
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Make me a... dolphin?
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If I could swim with the dolphins, the soft and gentle dolphins...
Why can't I swim with the dolphins?
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No, no, it's crazy.
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00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:57,899
There's nothing crazy about a person wanting to look
on the outside the way they feel on ths inside.
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It's Girls Gone Wild!
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These gilrs will do anything!
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Oh jeez, should I do it?! Should I do it?!
Oh what the hell!
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Look, I'll giggle and make them bounce up and down!
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Boy, men will do just about anything
to get a look at our tits, won't they?
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00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:33,051
Men are all the same.
My boyfriend walked out on me! Turns out he was a fag.
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00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:37,121
But I've been livin' it up ever since,
havin' sex with all kinds of different guys!
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Girl power!
165
00:12:38,595 --> 00:12:41,841
You know, the strange thing is,
I haven't gotten my period yet.
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00:12:41,841 --> 00:12:44,513
Is there a reason a woman might miss her period?
167
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:50,370
Well, normally, if a woman misses her period,
it means she's pregnant.
168
00:12:51,465 --> 00:12:56,317
...Pregnant? Oh my God. Of course.
169
00:12:56,341 --> 00:13:01,505
I haven't gotten to experience a period because...
one of those truckers I slept with got me knocked up.
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00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:06,923
I'm pregnant, everybody!
Hoh boy, now I can have an abortion!
171
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:16,587
Gerald! What happened to you?!
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00:13:16,697 --> 00:13:20,615
That doctor is a miracle worker, Sheila.
Iiii'm the happiest I've ever been.
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00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,358
Look, Ike! You're daddy's a dolphin!
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00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,860
A dolphin?!?!
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00:13:27,860 --> 00:13:31,199
Sheila, ih-it was wrong of us to be so judgmental of Kyle.
176
00:13:31,199 --> 00:13:37,567
If he isn't happy with who he is, then who are we to deny
hm surgery that will make him feel better about himself?
177
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,913
- Gerald, this is crazy!...
- I used to think I was crazy.
178
00:13:43,206 --> 00:13:47,102
But Dr, Biber told me that there are a lot of other
people out there who are transpecies.
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00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:53,853
All I did is change my appearance
to look the way I felt... here.
180
00:13:54,012 --> 00:13:59,176
And I'm telling you now that if we don't let Kyle do the same,
he may never be happy. Ever!
181
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:04,077
We owe him more than that, Sheila.
We owe him understanding!
182
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:10,404
Fellas! Hey fellas, you gotta come see!
183
00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:13,255
- What?
- Uhh, it's Kyle! Huh, he's a Negro!
184
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,833
- Can't believe it.
- Did it hurt?
185
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,632
Yeah, but it was totally worth it.
186
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,057
- Jesus Christ, dude!
- Look, Stan, I'm finally whole!
187
00:14:25,057 --> 00:14:28,395
My dad is even gonna take me back down to
the all-star game to see if I can try out for the team again!
188
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:31,217
- Come on, Kyle, we should get going!
- All right, Dad!
189
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:39,606
- Dude, is Kyle's- dad a- dolphin?
- He's a Jewish dolphin. A Jewphin.
190
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:51,226
You here for an abortion too? Yeah, I discovered a few days
ago I wasn't bleedin' out my coo, so I guess I'm knocked up.
191
00:14:51,226 --> 00:14:52,299
Is this doctor any good?
192
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,523
- Mrs... Garrison?
- Oh, that's me.
193
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,017
Hello doctor, looks like I need an abortion.
194
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,948
- ...an abortion?
- Yeah, I've got one growing inside me.
195
00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:08,735
Now, are you gonna scramble its brains or just vacuum it out?
196
00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:13,554
If you want you can just scramble
it and I'll queef it out myself.
197
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,300
- Mmister Garrison
- Mrs. Garrison.
198
00:15:17,725 --> 00:15:21,114
Mmrs. Garrison, you can't have an abortion.
199
00:15:21,138 --> 00:15:25,657
Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body!
A woman has a right to choose!
200
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:31,596
No, I mean you're physically unable to have
an abortion, because you can't get pergnant.
201
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:35,613
- But I missed my period.
- You can't have periods either.
202
00:15:35,613 --> 00:15:42,175
You had a sex change, Mr. Garrison, but you don't
have ovaries or a womb. You don't produce eggs.
203
00:15:42,516 --> 00:15:49,002
You mean, I'll never know what it feels like to have
a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?
204
00:15:49,026 --> 00:15:50,179
N-that's right.
205
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:55,907
But I paid five thousand dollars to be a woman.
This would mean I I'm not really a woman.
206
00:15:55,907 --> 00:15:59,349
Ih, I'm just a... a I'm just
a guy with a mutilated penis!
207
00:15:59,373 --> 00:16:01,011
Basically, yes.
208
00:16:02,509 --> 00:16:04,927
...Oh boy, do I feel like a jackass.
209
00:16:09,873 --> 00:16:13,309
- Hey asshole!
- Excuse me, I'm performing an operation here!
210
00:16:13,309 --> 00:16:17,224
- You told me you were going to make me into a woman!
- I gave you a sex change.
211
00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:21,905
Yeah?! Well what kind of woman can't have abortions
and bleed out her snatch once a month?!
212
00:16:21,905 --> 00:16:26,184
You made me into a FREAK is what you did!
And I want you to change me back!
213
00:16:26,469 --> 00:16:27,498
Am I a man yet?
214
00:16:27,675 --> 00:16:31,630
- Mr. Garrison, I can't reattach your organs.
- Why the hell not?!
215
00:16:31,654 --> 00:16:37,477
Because I've already used your testicles to fashion
new knees for a little boy who wanted to be tall and black.
216
00:16:37,651 --> 00:16:38,622
You WHAT?!
217
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:44,000
And your scrotum has been made into
a dorsal fin for a man who wanted to look more like a dolphin.
218
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:49,261
Oh you! You're comin' with me right now to find
my ball and scrotum right now, Mr. Man!
219
00:16:54,890 --> 00:17:00,704
Welcome to the All-State Basketball Playoffs between
the best fourth-grade players from Colorado
220
00:17:00,704 --> 00:17:03,863
and the best fourth-grade players from Wyoming.
221
00:17:05,527 --> 00:17:07,907
Coach! Coach, I'm all better. I'm ready to play.
222
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,596
- Who are you?
- Ih it's me, Kyle Broflovski.
223
00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:14,360
I had a negroplasty.
Can I play in the All-State team now?
224
00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:18,737
Well, you're tall and black enough.
All right, Broflovski, suit up!
225
00:17:18,885 --> 00:17:22,977
- All right! Dad, I can play!
- All right Kyle!
226
00:17:26,842 --> 00:17:29,144
Excuse me, where do you have special seating for dolphins?
227
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:40,325
- Boys, have you seen Kyle?! He's not at home.
- Kyle went down to play in the basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.
228
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:44,542
- He's going to play basketball? Oh my God.
- What?
229
00:17:44,566 --> 00:17:47,892
Well, ah I only made him look
like he could play basketball.
230
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:52,132
If he actually does it,
the testicle in his knees will explode!
231
00:17:52,264 --> 00:17:54,298
What?! But you made him into a basketball player.
232
00:17:54,322 --> 00:17:58,308
No, I just made him look more like one.
We have to stop him from playing!
233
00:17:58,308 --> 00:18:01,108
Those testicles in his knees are ticking time balls!
234
00:18:01,132 --> 00:18:06,136
Oh Jesus! We've gotta get to
my balls before Kyle hurts himself!
235
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,064
Broflovski, be ready to take over for Owens.
236
00:18:22,403 --> 00:18:23,721
I'm a hundred percent ready, coach!
237
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,473
Excuse me, where, where is
the bathroom for dolphins?
238
00:18:33,204 --> 00:18:35,217
We don't... have one.
239
00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:39,206
Well where the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom?
I I need a large tank with salt water.
240
00:18:40,976 --> 00:18:42,012
Too bad?
241
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,760
Damnit you people have to make
special arrangements for transpecies people like me!
242
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:51,512
- I may be a dolphin, but I'm also a lawyer!
- You're a lawphin?
243
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,975
- Tickets please.
- We don't have tickets!
244
00:18:56,226 --> 00:19:01,450
- Sorry ma'am, no tickets, no entry.
- Look, there's a boy with my balls in his knees and he's in serious danger!
245
00:19:02,231 --> 00:19:07,656
- What?
- That dolphin has my scrotum!
246
00:19:07,656 --> 00:19:09,633
- Now let us in!
- You can't go in, ma'am!
247
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,475
We have unauthorized entry on level one!
248
00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:20,163
- All right. Broflovski, you're going in next possession.
- All right!
249
00:19:24,522 --> 00:19:26,701
- Gerald, where's Kyle?!
- What? Why??
250
00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:29,851
My balls are in his knees.
If he jumps with them they'll explode!
251
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:30,802
Oh my God!
252
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:35,165
- There they are, next to that dolphin!
- Come on, we've gotta get to those balls!
253
00:19:37,401 --> 00:19:40,045
Stop them! They didn't pay the two-dollar entry fee!
254
00:19:40,707 --> 00:19:44,233
Now substituting for Colorado,
number 8, Kyle Broflovski.
255
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,544
Oh Jesus, he's about to play!
256
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,912
Mrs. Garrison, grab Kyle!
257
00:19:53,636 --> 00:19:54,793
Which one is he??
258
00:20:02,293 --> 00:20:04,386
- Hey, what the hell?!
- Stop the game!
259
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,431
I got it! I got the ball.
260
00:20:14,067 --> 00:20:16,767
- Kyle, NO!
- Broflovski goes for the dunk!
261
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:26,155
NO! My baaaallllssss.
262
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,139
So let me get this straight.
263
00:20:45,139 --> 00:20:52,656
That woman over there was trying to get to her balls which
were in the knees of a black child whose father is a dolphin.
264
00:20:53,408 --> 00:20:54,543
Yeah, that's basically it.
265
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,655
Sounds like an open and shut case.
All right, let's head 'em out!
266
00:20:57,714 --> 00:21:02,226
I'm sorry, Kyle, I should have told you
the surgery was cosmetic only.
267
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,957
So, does this mean I'm not really a dolphin?
268
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:10,087
Let's get you two up to the clinic
and I'll change you back, for a nominal fee.
269
00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:13,465
But what about Mr. Garrison? He can't go back.
270
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:23,020
You know what? I'm okay. Even though I'm not truly a woman,
I think I still like the new me.
271
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:26,408
I'd rather be a woman who can't
have periods than a fag.
272
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:32,543
Hey guys! This girl is staying a woman!
Who wants to pound my vadge! Girl power!
24820
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