All language subtitles for Rick and Morty 1150MS- S08E06 - The CuRicksous Case of Bethjamin Button

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,701 - Clear! - Clear! 2 00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,224 Who's ready for Earth World?! 3 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,518 Moms, I can't find my cross-body bag! 4 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,936 Where's my cross-body bag? 5 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,271 Stop saying "cross-body bag." 6 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:04,707 On you, it's a fanny pack up higher. 7 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,815 Space Beth, you're driving. 8 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,067 I'm low on wanting to drive. 9 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,878 Would one of you mind making me a quick sandwich? 10 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,321 You know theme park food gives me interesting stools. 11 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,655 Read the room. 12 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,115 We're not going. Look at us. 13 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,325 No, you got to come. 14 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,035 It's an absolute train wreck. 15 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,621 This dude, he's never been to Earth, but he loves it, 16 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,104 and he sucks at making theme parks. 17 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,708 - We said fucking no! - We said fucking no! 18 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,293 Alright. Fine. 19 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:28,129 But nobody wants to see a Beths adventure. 20 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,300 I thought cloning was supposed to make us happy. 21 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:33,718 I hate my life. 22 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,096 And I know you have to hate yours. 23 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,722 - Hey! - Sorry. 24 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,599 I started drinking in the car. 25 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,594 {\an7}Why are we miserable? It's not Jerry. 26 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,138 Yeah, it could be worse. 27 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,181 I mean, we could have married Pep Rosenfeld. 28 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,517 Oh, my God. I forgot about him. 29 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,018 Oh, he died in that thing, right? 30 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,395 9-11, yeah. 31 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,439 We can't just put it all on Dad, right? 32 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,524 We're done with that guy. 33 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,651 "I had a bad dad." 34 00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,444 Shut up. Write a book about it. 35 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,780 I'm just so tired of all the shit we have to do to live. 36 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,532 You abandoned all your shit. 37 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:40,285 There is so much more shit in space! 38 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,453 {\an7}When was the last time we were happy? 39 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,038 Truly happy? 40 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,832 Felt pretty good when we were kids. 41 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,209 Oh, my God, I wish I could be young again. 42 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,461 That kind of wish never goes the way you want. 43 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,964 That being said... 44 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:57,051 Why do you have a de-aging machine? 45 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,470 When I'm bringing in bounties, I change 'em into kids. 46 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,723 This car fits ten kids if you pack 'em right. 47 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:02,849 Sounds efficient. 48 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:05,852 Is that... worth dealing with ten kids? 49 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:07,312 Oh, no, I drug them too. 50 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:09,272 Wait, will my clothes be super huge or... 51 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,356 Oh, no. No, no, no. 52 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,693 Technology this advanced is indistinguishable from magic. 53 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,620 - Whoa! - Whoa! 54 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,706 My face... My skin! 55 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:29,209 I can see everything! 56 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,586 My mouth tastes so clean! 57 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,213 Whoa, my knuckles work! 58 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,297 No pain! 59 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,591 You look like shit. 60 00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:38,259 Wait, no! Come back here! 61 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,803 Get ready. Earth World is a mess. 62 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,222 No creative consistency. 63 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,866 Last time I was here, they had a whole ride 64 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,099 dedicated to Pol Pot. 65 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,101 There's a non-zero chance you'll lose an eye. 66 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,355 Oh, that wasn't the vibe I got from the waivers. 67 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,190 - Waivers? - Yeah, from the website. 68 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:53,316 Website?! 69 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:57,695 Welcome to Earth World! It's me, Dr. Dogballs! 70 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,780 What the hell?! 71 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,865 I love Earth so much I made a theme park, 72 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,200 just like they would on Earth! 73 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,118 Oh. Yeah. 74 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,246 Wow, I guess this does seem like it sucks. 75 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,665 Good one, Grandpa. You still like stuff ironically? 76 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:12,043 No, it used to be bad bad, which was good. 77 00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:14,796 There used to be a ride called "It's a Small Black Death"! 78 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:17,215 Looks like they've just got a regular GAP. 79 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,984 Rick, were you just drunk when you were here? 80 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,176 I'm drunk now! 81 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,761 Where's all the rusty nails? 82 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,388 Where's the Herpes Family Flume? 83 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,932 - Light-up corn dog? - Get the fuck away from me! 84 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,435 Can't wait to get a photo taken with... Marie Curie? 85 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,020 I think that's John Legend? 86 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,438 Maybe they picked John Legend 87 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,524 'cause his name implies he's really important. 88 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,068 Rick, how were you thinking we should enjoy this? 89 00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,612 Wow, they have a Hall of Presidential Pets? 90 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,282 - Like that? - Do you think I can meet Socks? 91 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,843 I'm not gonna shit on it too hard 'cause I know you'd punish me, 92 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,662 but isn't this just a mid-'90s outdoor mall? 93 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:48,746 - Oh! - My bad! 94 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:49,872 Oh, my God! 95 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,083 You're a real Earth person, aren't you? 96 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,876 - From Earth?! - Yeah. 97 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,753 I'm, like, starstruck. 98 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,422 A real human! 99 00:04:57,505 --> 00:05:00,133 Ooh, you smell nasty. 100 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,511 - Oh. I mean, is that good? - Absolutely. 101 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,354 Well, it's nice to see something in this park 102 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,140 still grimy and real. 103 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,475 Then I'm as nasty as they come. 104 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,894 Can you believe my grandpa loves this place? 105 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,021 Lame. 106 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,565 Beth! Where'd you go? Beth? 107 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,150 Beth, I want you to have fun, 108 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,152 but I need to know where you're having it. 109 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,446 - I found a possum! - Oh, my God! 110 00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,532 No! I don't wanna be old! 111 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,660 You're in so much pain, and you don't even know it! 112 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:31,372 - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry. 113 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,292 I forgot just how insane we were as a kid. 114 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:37,045 - I shouldn't have pitched this. - You have got to try it. 115 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,713 I'm over here! 116 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,923 Okay, sweetie, this is your two-minute warning. 117 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,467 It's almost time to switch back. 118 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,385 You got to find me first! 119 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:46,804 Too slow! Try again! 120 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,223 Alright, let's go. That's enough. I'm serious. 121 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,434 Alright, Beth. 122 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,939 Surprise! You done been got! 123 00:05:58,524 --> 00:05:59,567 Do it. 124 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,085 That bathroom was a ride too?! 125 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,087 I had my pants down and everything! 126 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,881 - I really do need to go. - Just go in a bush. 127 00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,217 I swear it used to be funnier than this. 128 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,511 Don't turn around. I'm squatting. 129 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:29,222 Hey, you can't go... there like that. 130 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,349 You used to be able to piss wherever you wanted to. 131 00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,642 Like on Earth. 132 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,727 Grandpa Rick, take the I. 133 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,187 Let's get Morty and go home. 134 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:37,563 Yeah, this place is fucked. 135 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,607 Corporate takeover. Board-approved changes. 136 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:42,235 Steve Jobs dies, and we get ten years of the same iPhone. 137 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,487 Oh, no, the guy who made the park is still alive. 138 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,905 - He is? - Yeah. 139 00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,865 Rumor is, he still lives here. 140 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,534 Down in the tunnels. 141 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,956 Hey, Sum-Sum, You like breaking rules. 142 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,165 Ooh, did you bring molly? 143 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,085 Hurry it up, Jerry! 144 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,170 It's your fault I have to go like this. 145 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,298 You destroyed my urethra when you turned me into a trash can. 146 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:06,551 Follow me. 147 00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:09,470 And of course I brought molly. 148 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,598 If you're just joining us tonight, we have a... 149 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,225 Oh, my God. It exploded. 150 00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:16,477 Oh, God. All those astronauts. 151 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,688 It's worse than any explosion before it! 152 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,106 This is hilarious. 153 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,983 Hey, yo. Check this out. 154 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,611 Awesome. No adult is getting inside. 155 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,405 Also, don't sit on that chair. 156 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,739 The cushion is knives. 157 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,366 Somebody's got to sit on it! 158 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,118 Gene should sit on it. 159 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,120 - Bam! - Nice! 160 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,834 Hey there, girls. 161 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:42,420 I'm guessing one of you is Beth from next door, 162 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,505 and one of you is her... clone, 163 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,424 but you're both little girls now? 164 00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:48,176 Not that strange, given what I've seen. 165 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,927 What are you, a scientist? 166 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,387 Come sit in our chair. 167 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,557 Well, based on the design of your makeshift harpoon, 168 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,934 seems like you girls are on a bit of a spree. 169 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,479 Feel like I'm gonna be walking into some booby traps. 170 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,813 Let's have some cocoa instead. 171 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:04,734 - "Let's have some cocoa." - "I'm divorced." 172 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,903 Hey! That is cruel and technically untrue. 173 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,614 But you're in an altered headspace, so I know you don't mean it. 174 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:12,241 Why don't you two sit tight? I'll get the Swiss Miss. 175 00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,911 - Let's go. - Go where? 176 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:18,289 Go hunt him. Unless you're scared. 177 00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:19,749 I'm not scared of anything. 178 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,042 Let's get in the walls. 179 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,754 Wow, this is a good photo of us. 180 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:27,632 Keep talking. I can smell your rotting breakfast. 181 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,343 - Oh, God. - Your hairs are insane. 182 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,136 They're all over your body. 183 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,347 Can I touch them? Say a human phrase. 184 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:37,558 Say "grocery list" in that stink body accent. 185 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,684 You mean my voice? 186 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,228 - Yes! - "Grocery list." 187 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,729 I love your tooth-filled big hole 188 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,689 and the other less-used holes on your face. 189 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,316 Okay... 190 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:48,277 I'm getting the feeling that you're not into me 191 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:52,073 as much as you like the idea of being with any human. 192 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,992 Does it matter if I'm still turned on? 193 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:56,619 No, I guess it doesn't. 194 00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,413 I want to get your wet muscle in my mouth. 195 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,873 You mean my tongue? 196 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,542 I don't care what it's called. 197 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,752 Rick, I know you're having a bad time, 198 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:09,090 but I think I saw a Panera up there that might change your tune. 199 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,758 - A Panera?! - Yeah! 200 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:13,302 - Shut up. - Is that Kevin Costner? 201 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,637 Wait, why do I know that? 202 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,430 Did Father make new models? 203 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,224 I don't recognize you three. 204 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,393 No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri, 205 00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:21,852 this is Princess Diana, 206 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,437 and he's Mr. Rogers. 207 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,689 Or Brett Kavanaugh. 208 00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:26,732 I wouldn't know. I never left this park. 209 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,485 Us too. We're looking for Dogballs. 210 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,366 He lives below. 211 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,747 Dr. Dogballs. My man! 212 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,250 Humans! Real humans! 213 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,377 The mad genius who built Earth World! 214 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,546 Nobody loves Earth as much as me. 215 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:51,424 Car, Muscle Beach, property taxes. 216 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,801 But before I could complete my perfect vision, 217 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:56,637 I was caught with incriminating files on my computer, 218 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,347 and the board chained me up. 219 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,683 I watch animal pornography. 220 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:01,809 It's my business. 221 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:04,061 Like with people and animals? 222 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,479 No, just the animals, sicko. 223 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,398 The original Earth World was incredible. 224 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,150 I got strep from a candy once! 225 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,694 Of course you feel that way. You're a human being. 226 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,864 You know what Earth theme parks are supposed to be like. 227 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,907 I'd take you to the dead zone if I could 228 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,493 and show you some of the old delights. 229 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,412 But they won't let me leave my office. 230 00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,623 They won't, but I will. 231 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,461 Welcome to the real Earth World! 232 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,297 I guess this is closer to how I remember it. 233 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,716 Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail! 234 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,220 At least Jerry got hurt. 235 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,890 Hot cocoa with extra marshmallows! 236 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,975 Hope you got room for extra marshmallows! 237 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,519 Look at him holding marshmallows over our heads. 238 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:46,937 Like that's some kind of power. 239 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,981 I do like marshmallows. 240 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,775 He doesn't decide about our marshmallows! 241 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,485 You should go up there and cut him. 242 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:53,986 You should cut him. 243 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,071 What should we cut? 244 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,822 I don't know. Just start slashing! 245 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,827 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 246 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,455 My ankles! I need a doctor! 247 00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,582 Great. Now we have to take care of him. 248 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,146 I don't want to take care of anybody! 249 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,586 - You take care of him! - It was your idea! 250 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,921 - Not it! Jinx! - Not it! Jinx! 251 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,465 - I think you hit an artery! - She did it! She's a psycho. 252 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,801 - You're the psycho! - I watched you eat a bird! 253 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:19,637 After you tore off its wings! 254 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,931 I'll show you who's psycho!! 255 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,603 Yeah, run away, you baby! 256 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,272 Remember your affirmations, Gene. 257 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,942 You deserve to live. 258 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,026 Oh. 259 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:40,449 Well, somehow every decision I've ever made has led to this. 260 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:50,668 Get out of my tree house! 261 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:51,919 Get out of my yard! 262 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,554 Fire detected. Extinguishing. 263 00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:22,283 Come on, Gene. Not like this. 264 00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,409 Not like this! 265 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,703 Hey, Siri, call 911! 266 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,872 Countdown to calling 911. 267 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:31,000 Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7... 268 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,626 Why does it need a countdown?! 269 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:37,840 Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters, 270 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,384 and you're about to witness it firsthand. 271 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,261 Oh, God, is that a live wire? 272 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,597 None of the electricity is grounded here. 273 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,932 Shit. 274 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,852 I got to get home before Gene calls 911 275 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,353 from any other phone but his own. 276 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,481 The head thing so you can get out the way you came. 277 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,941 Wait, you're leaving? I thought you loved this place. 278 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,526 Yeah, I don't know. 279 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,861 I guess Morty was right. 280 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,529 Am I, like, supposed to think it's cool 281 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,990 that there's measles in the water and, like, snakes? 282 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:04,784 Nah. You guys have fun. 283 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,538 Oh, shit! 284 00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:16,337 We're done here, boys. 285 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,382 Rick, your girls. 286 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,259 They're not good people. 287 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,845 Thank... you. 288 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,474 I've only been gone for two hours! 289 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:29,558 Hey, Beths! 290 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,453 Deducing here that you've been huffing childhood 291 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,978 and have overdosed on fun. 292 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,232 Ouch. 293 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:46,033 - I'm gonna kill you! - Well, I'm gonna kill you first! 294 00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,159 Ow! Damn it! 295 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,370 That's it. We're done. 296 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,796 You dick! 297 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,799 Enough Home Alone-ing. 298 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,175 Goddamn it! 299 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:06,554 I cloned you to fix this, not make you twice as annoying. 300 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,139 Oh, I can't tell you. Oh, my God! 301 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:13,060 I've waited so long for someone to see my vision. 302 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,563 And of course it was real humans! 303 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,107 You're the perfect audience for this. 304 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,984 My finest moment. 305 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:24,029 Oh, shit. What's that? 306 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,365 My beautiful creations. 307 00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,492 They're going to destroy the park. 308 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,245 Oh, God. 309 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:33,539 I thought they were people in costumes, 310 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,416 but the costumes are the people? 311 00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:37,001 The people are the costumes?! 312 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,753 All Earth theme parks end the same way. 313 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,047 Jurassic Park, Westworld, 314 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,717 even the rides inside the theme parks 315 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,010 tell the same story. 316 00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:47,553 You're on a boat ride 317 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:50,055 when suddenly you take a detour to a waterfall, 318 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,224 and now you're in a pirate's den, 319 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,102 forced to suck dick to stay alive! 320 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,186 Why would you do this? 321 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,897 The greatest tribute to Earth 322 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:01,859 is a theme park that ends in chaos. 323 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,824 Be free! Be free, my lovelies! 324 00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:11,869 Hungry for meat. 325 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,120 Eat meat! 326 00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:14,747 Take it all! 327 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,791 - Take the other one! - Shit! Dad! 328 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,668 Take it! Take it all! 329 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,795 Blend in. Stumble around! 330 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,680 Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle. 331 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,057 - Uh-huh. - Coconut milk. 332 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,308 More human stuff. 333 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:35,601 Big League Chew. 334 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,396 Ooh! Say something racist. 335 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,857 - What? - C'mon, you're human, 336 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,275 it's your whole thing. 337 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:48,489 Italians make pretty good pizza? 338 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:52,409 No, do it hateful, you disgusting little bug. 339 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,036 Did you hear that? 340 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,330 Now you're pretending there's some kind of emergency? 341 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,499 I tried to be vulnerable with you. 342 00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,292 If you don't think I'm pretty, just say so. 343 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,962 I'm sorry, but I'm not just some sexual fantasy, 344 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,296 I'm a whole person. 345 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:07,925 Come on! You guys basically invented racism. 346 00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,718 If I wanted to fuck something good, 347 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,137 I wouldn't have come to Earth World. 348 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:16,100 I don't even know who this is! 349 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,185 It's John Legend, I think! Oh, my God! 350 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,985 Summer? Rick? Anyone?! 351 00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,655 That's the entire Culkin family! 352 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,032 I guess there's seven of them? 353 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,121 I loved you in Succession! I'm sorry! 354 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:40,332 Enough kindergarten. I don't have time to be your dad. 355 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,334 - You never did! - You want me to be a parent? 356 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:45,045 Fine. No more talking until you're adults. 357 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,353 Okay, whichever one you are, you're up. 358 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,397 She can't breathe! She can't breathe! 359 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,274 Oh, shit, fuck! 360 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,400 Take that! 361 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,944 How old should we make him? 362 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,696 As old as it'll go. 363 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,580 Bet it's scary to have your life in the hands 364 00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:21,623 of unreliable caregivers! 365 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,837 Walk! We're not taking care of you! 366 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,131 Yeah, get up, or we'll leave you here! 367 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:32,092 Just like you left us. Lazy piece of shit! 368 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,386 - Fuck you, Dad! - Fucking asshole! 369 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,805 You didn't want us. You just wanted to fuck off. 370 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,225 I didn't leave. 371 00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,728 My Beth died. 372 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,314 Yeah, well, someone left us! 373 00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,025 And there's two of us now! 374 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:50,527 You should love us twice as much! 375 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,331 - All we wanted was to be together! - All we wanted was to be together! 376 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,701 Don't you... cry! 377 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:00,037 You don't deserve to cry! 378 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,580 Proud... 379 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,165 Proud? 380 00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:06,001 Proud... of you... 381 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:10,214 for making me old and beating the shit out of me. 382 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:19,973 Proud you're... you're both my daughters. 383 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:34,238 You little bitches broke my bones. 384 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,077 I'm shitting! 385 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,788 I'm not joking. 386 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:44,206 Stop making me laugh. 387 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,416 It's making me shit more! 388 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,755 - It's perfect! - It's perfect! 389 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,966 The only thing that could make this better 390 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,634 is if something was on fire. 391 00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:57,386 I might stab something again. 392 00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,179 Probably should turn you back. 393 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,306 Do most kids like to stab this much? 394 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,184 There's the exit. Stay close. 395 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:07,521 Please help! 396 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,064 Oh, thank God! 397 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:10,858 How could you... 398 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:13,986 Oh, shit, Morty's killing... 399 00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:15,612 I think that's Rory Culkin? 400 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,239 Is that who this one is!? 401 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,949 We gotta bail. Get a head. 402 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,993 - What? - Put on Rory! 403 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:22,786 There's no room! 404 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,373 It's so wet in here. 405 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,083 It smells too. It smells wet. 406 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,168 They're coming! 407 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,587 Come on! 408 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,214 - Come on, get in! - Where's the remote? 409 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,216 I lost the remote! I can't shrink our heads! 410 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,384 Give me the keys! 411 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,307 More like Earth World. 412 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,726 - What? - Like Jurassic World. 413 00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,769 - The big sequel? - I don't know what you're saying. 414 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,104 Wasn't it called Earth Park? 415 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,189 - No! - No! 416 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,273 Oh. 417 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,774 Is anybody getting cold? 418 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:36,526 I'm blind! Space froze my eyes! 419 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,279 Yeah, Jerry. I told you, that theme park sucks! 420 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,896 Hello. You've reached 911. 421 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,732 If this is an emergency, please leave a message. 422 00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:19,945 The house across the street from me keeps disappearing and reappearing. 423 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:21,822 I don't know if that's an emergency, 424 00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,365 but it's really upsetting. 425 00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:25,284 Could you send someone to investigate? 426 00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:28,370 So, I was eating a burger and now my hands are burgers. 427 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:32,457 Hi. I'm being home-invaded, and it's by a small home. 428 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,876 There's a small home that's home-invading my home. 429 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,254 It's wearing a ski mask, but it's definitely a house. 430 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,839 There's a pigeon outside my house 431 00:21:38,922 --> 00:21:40,799 demanding to see my birth certificate. 432 00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:43,010 I'm beginning to think 911 shouldn't have 433 00:21:43,093 --> 00:21:44,344 an answering machine. 434 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:46,346 Also, I have 11 legs now. 435 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:48,307 Nobody ever comes. 436 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:51,310 Did you get any of that?31472

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