All language subtitles for mnmn1 (5)

I told you before, Bob.
I hate this game.

What's your problem?
Come on, it won't hurt you.

Just take a guess.

Look, would you please
just leave me alone?

- Look, I'll set it up for you.
-Oh...

I'm on the fourth floor,

I go into old man
Hennessey's apartment,

and guess what
I find in his drain.

- I don't know... a head.
-Yeah, but from what?

Excuse me, I don't like
to complain,

but you guys are sitting here
drinking coffee,

and I've been waiting
for 20 minutes.

I can't even get
a glass of water.

What do you have to do
to get service around here?

Well, we don't work here.

Well, where's the dark-haired
girl that runs this place?

She's not here anymore.
The diner's closed.

Then what the hell
am I doing here?

I think that's a question
you got to ask yourself.

Uh, do you think
that's a question

we should be asking ourselves?

Let's not look
under that rock, okay?

I'm going to have to look under
that rock eventually.

Ever since Reggie left,
my business is dead.

Yeah, but look at it this way.

A couple of months ago,
you didn't think

your business could get
any worse, and now it has.

Well, what does that mean?

It means that just
because you think you've

hit bottom,
doesn't mean you have.

Well, then, how do I know
when I have hit bottom?

When you spend your days
picking heads

out of people's drains.

Hey, hey, fellas.

- Chris isn't here, is she?
-Nah, she hasn't been in yet.

She usually stops by
on her way to work.

- Why? -Good. I want
to make sure she sees me

sitting here looking
very casual.

Oh, what's going on?

Well, I finally
figured out a way

to get her to...
to go outwith me.

Well, does that involve
you dying

and coming back
as someone she likes?

She likes me. She just
won't admit it. That's all.

Man, are you kidding yourself?
I mean, even I know

when a girl doesn't like me.

Oh, yeah, what tips you off?

The running or the screaming?

That story is completely false.
That girl did not run away.

She walked briskly.

All I know is,
I got a great plan.

The second she walks in here,

she's going to notice
this movie I rented.

I didn't know you had a VCR.

I just got one.

I was waiting for the prices
to come down.

As soon as Chris comes in
and notices this video,

she's going to say, "Oh,
I've been dying to see that."

Well, how do you know?

Because she's a woman

and this is a French film
about a bunch of people

who sleep together,
eat some snails and die.

What?

All right, I happened to hear
Chris mention

that she really wants
to see this.

You still haven't
answered the question

of Why'd she want
to watch it with you.

Because I think she really wants
to go outwith me,

but she's still pissed about

this whole me-sleeping-
with-Reggie thing.

You know, this would be
the perfect opportunity

for her to, you know,
save face

and still get what she wants.

Which is you.

Yeah. Even you see that.

Hey, hey, here she comes,
here she comes.

All right, you know,
I'm out of here.

L-I can't watch this.

Hey, I'm here for you.

Yeah, do me a favor.
Be over there for me, will you?

- Hey, Bob.
-Chris.

- Chris?
-John.

Haven't seen you around
the building lately.

Then my plan must be working.

Anybody running this place yet?

No, no, not yet,
but there's some, uh,

-fresh coffee if you want.
-Oh.

Oh, I love this.

Yeah, I thought you might.

That panda at the Bronx Zoo
finally had a cub. Huh.

Wonder why it takes them
so long to get pregnant.

Uh, probably hard
to find someone

to do it with a panda.

Will you pass me the sugar?

This yours?

What?

Oh, the tape... yeah,
I guess it is, yeah.

Mmm, gosh, I've always wanted
to see this.

- Really? Hmm.
-Yeah.

I wouldn't have thought
you'd like it, though.

You know, being a French film
and all.

Well, there are two things
you don't know about me.

You know, I'm a film buff
and I speak French.

Vraiment, tu parles francais?

Oh-ho-ho!

Any... anyway, I'm planning
to... to watch that tonight.

You know, you're, uh, welcome
to come up to my place

and watch it with me, you know,

if you don't have
anything better to do.

Well, who knows, if I'm not
too busy, maybe I will.

Oh, good, good.

Never hurts to have someone

to split the cost
of the rental.

Did I make a joke?

- Morning, John.
-Yeah, morning.

Do you have any idea
how brilliant I am?

Well, John, I know you're
a very talented physician.

No, no, no--
no one cares about that.

I figured out how to get Chris
to go outwith me.

See, I got a bottle
of wine here,

I got some crackers,
some cheese and a...

- French film.
-Oh, so you have a date?

Well, Chris is coming over,
but it's not really a date.

Well, it is a date for me,
but not-not for her.

Well, what is it for her?

Well, for her, it's a...
a drop-by,

but if it goes well,
it could turn into a date.

But why isn't it a date already?

Because she doesn't want
to go outwith me.

You know, if she thought
it were a date,

she would never drop by,

and if she didn't drop by,
it couldn't possibly

turn into a date.

See?

Was there originally
two bottles of wine in that bag?

So, you don't actually
have a date with Chris.

This is more of a trap
with cheese and wine.

And crackers.

John, this isn't like you.

It's so calculated,
so crazy.

You know what,
you're absolutely right.

Yeah... cheese and crackers,
that is so pretentious.

That's not me.
Who do I think I am, Frasier?

Okay, Kelly, I'm just going
to take your blood pressure

and then I'll send
the doctor in.

Most of your numbers
look just fine, and...

Oh, my God.

What? What is it?
Wh-What's wrong?

Those shoes are so cute.

You have to tell me
where you got them.

I don't remember.

Is it that you don't remember

or you're afraid to tell me?

Why would I be
afraid to tell you?

Oh, come on.

You see someone walking
around town

with the same shoes as you,
suddenly you're not so special.

No, really, I don't remember.

Really?

The best shoes ever,

and you don't remember
where you got them?

I remember what I had
for breakfast

the day I got these shoes,
and I don't even like 'em.

Is that supposed to be
so tight?

I don't remember.

Think, Kelly.

Ah, that's starting to pinch.

Was it Bloomingdale's...
Macy's...?

- I don't know.
-Bergdorf's...?

Look, this isn't funny.
I don't remember.

- Barney's?
-I don't know!

Okay, Bloomingdale's!

- All right, then.

So how's it going in here?

Everything seems
just fine, Dr. Becker.

Although her blood pressure
is a little high.

Well, you may want
to cut back on red meat.

And the big fat lies.

Hey. junior!

Give me a hand here.

Hello?

Hey, how about using
one of your thumbs

to open this door for me?

Oh, for crying out...

Oh, future of our country's
in big trouble.

Hey, kid.

Remember how I hid
your skateboard

when you were making
too much noise?

Well, I know where
you keep your bike.

Oh, hey. Chris, hey.

I went... I went out and got
a lot of take-out for tonight.

I didn't know
whether you liked steamed

or fried dumplings,
so I got 'em both.

And, uh, not that you
don't look great,

but, you know, I was thinking
we'd be a little more casual.

What are you talking about?

You know, sweats,
maybe something

-with a drawstring.
-0-Okay.

Okay, wh-wh...
what are we talking about?

Tonight.
You, me, the movie.

Remember, you said you
were going to drop by?

Oh, if I didn't have
something better to do.

- Yeah, right.
-Yeah, well, I do.

A guy I know has
invited me out to dinner

at Le Cirque
and then to the theater.

And you're going?

Yeah! Yeah, he should be here
any minute.

You accepted a date
from somebody else

after accepting a date from me?

No, that wasn't a date.
That was a drop-by.

Oh, please.

Anybody with half a brain
knows what that means.

Of course it was a date.

You don't think I rented
that insipid movie

for myself, do you?

Just wait.
It's all in French.

Ha-ha-ha.

Besides, if you want
to go outwith someone,

you ask them properly.

Oh, fine, all right, princess.

Do you want to come up
to my apartment

and watch a movie?

No. I have a date. See ya.

No, hey... Hey, get back here.

"Get back here"?

Fine. Get back here, please.

Hey, come on, Chris.

I went to a lot of trouble here.

You know, I think you're
being very rude.

Yes, I am. I have someone
outside waiting for me.

- Wha...
-Good night.

No, come... hey, look,
what am I supposed to do

with two dozen egg rolls?

Do you really want me
to tell you?

As I mentioned, I have a date.

Oh, yeah, well,
don't think you've won,

because you haven't.

You know, I have.

Yeah, I got all
the Chinese food and the movie.

And all you got is...

boy, the biggest stretch limo
I've ever seen.

Loser .

Linda, where have you been?

We've got a roomful of patients.

I'm sorry, Margaret,
I know I'm late,

but I'm a little upset.

I had a horrible, horrible
experience this morning.

Is everything all right?
Where were you?

Bloomingdale's.

That patient
who was in here yesterday

with the cute shoes,

she told me that's
where she got them.

So I ran down there
on my way to work,

and guess what.

Bloomingdale's never even
heard of those shoes.

Can you believe it, Margaret?

She looked at me
right in the eyes

and lied to me.

I'm guessing you're not
as outraged as I am.

Just take the next patient back.

Mrs. Collins?

Hi. Nice to see you.
Come on back.

What a beautiful necklace.
Where did you get that?

I don't remember.

Really?

Have you had your blood pressure
checked lately?

So, did you have a good time
last night with Chris?

No, I did not have a good time
last night with Chris.

Sorry I asked,
but I know you're gonna

want to bitch
about it eventually,

so let's just get it over with.

I don't need to bitch.

Some guy in a fancy limo
came by,

picked her up
and took her out to dinner.

And she went?

Instead of watching
a video on your lumpy couch

and eating greasy take-out?

What's wrong with that girl?

I don't know, Margaret.
I don't know.

I tell you,
that movie sucked, though.

Well, then why did you watch it?

Well, I had to.

Oh, right, right, right.
You already paid for it.

Yeah. You know, I'll tell you
the worst part of the evening

was how stupid she made me look.

Now, that's it. You know,
I've tried every way I know

to romance that woman.

I'm not gonna waste
another minute of my time.

I am done.

Even more done than you were

the last time
you said you were done?

Way more done.

Why are you following me?

Because I know you're not done.

Oh, no, believe me, I am.

God, I hate her so much.

I don't think so.

I think you like her.

Like, hate--
it's all the same thing.

John, if you really
care for her,

then find some sane way
to show her how you feel.

What-what do you mean?

Like-like camping out
in the laundry room, wait...?

I said sane. Do something
to make her take notice.

Some... some sort
of grand gesture.

Oh, please.
Like one of those losers

who takes his girlfriend
to the ball game

just so she can look up
at the Jumbotron

and see "I IOU e you'

Who's Wanda?

Geez, you're two hours late,
you miss everything.

John, you know what
I'm talking about.

Flowers, candy, poetry.

Go down to that dress shop
where she works,

and tell her how you feel.

You know what a guy
did for me once?

He showed up at my apartment
at 2:00 a.m.

wearing nothing but a fur coat.

I'm not going to put on
a fur coat, Linda.

Well, you can't just go naked.
It'll ruin the surprise.

You know, forget it.
Th-This is all stupid.

It's just not me.
It's ridiculous.

It's romantic. Think about it.

Van Gogh cut off his ear
for a woman.

Yeah, well, maybe he was just
tired of listening to her talk.

So get this:

Mr. and Mrs. Barman 'm 44,
they have a fight,

and she throws her wedding ring
down the toilet,

and then they call me
to climb in and fish it out.

Bob, do you really think I care

that you spent
your morning in a toilet?

You can't see this place.
Trust me, so did you.

Got any coffee?

No. Sorry.

When I finish
this cup of coffee here,

the diner will have
officially been picked clean.

If I don't get somebody
to run it soon,

this place will go
out of business

and it'll take me with it.

But we need this place.

It's the glue
that holds us together.

Maybe there is an upside
to going out of business.

- Hey.
-Hey, Becker, Jake's trying

to figure out a way
to make this place profitable.

You got any ideas?

Got any matches?

Yeah, as if this place
is insured.

So, Pepé Le Pew...

how did your
French movie night go?

It was fine.
It went... it went fine.

Liar.

Chris was in here before.

She told us everything.

Yeah, you got hosed!

Why is everybody
so involved in my life?

'Cause it's impossible to take
your eyes off a train wreck.

All right, all right.

Look, let me ask
you guys something.

Have you ever tried to get
a woman's attention

by making some kind
of grand gesture?

What do you mean?

You know, a very big... gesture.

Well, do you... do you mean
like serenading her

outside her window or renting
out an entire restaurant

for a candlelit dinner?

Or sending her a picture
of yourself

with a gun in your mouth?

It wasn't loaded.

And it didn't work.

So...

You know what I'm
talking about, right?

That-that stuffs pathetic.

Oh, of course it's pathetic.

You know, I do just fine
with a bottle of red wine,

a little Miles Davis,
and the heartbreaking story

of how I lost my sight
on a mission for the CIA.

You weren't in the CIA.

Luckily, I'm not hitting on you.

All right, fellas. I gotta go.

- I'll see you tomorrow.
-Take care, Jake.

So, Becker, you're not really
gonna try some stupid stunt

to get Chris interested,
are you?

No, no, I'm through
playing that game.

And besides,
she's made it pretty clear

she's not interested in me.

Well, take it from me,

when that happens,
just forget it.

Otherwise, you just make
a fool out of yourself.

Yeah. No kidding.
I can do that on my own.

I don't need her for that.

So, Becker, look, you're alone,
I'm alone...

Why don't we hang out tonight?

We can get a pizza
and give each other haircuts.

Hi. Can I help you?

Yes, I need to speak
to Chris Connor.

Well, she's working right now,
but if you'd like to wait,

she'll be taking her break
in about 45 minutes.

Yeah, there's no way
I'm hanging around

some froufrou clothing store
for 40...

Oh, never mind. There she is.

You can't go over there.
She's with a customer.

Yeah, it's okay, I'm a doctor.

What does that mean?

It means, don't question me,
I'm a doctor.

Those pants look great on you.

- Really?
-Mmm.

They seem a little tight.

Well, let me see if I've got
another size in back.

Hey, Chris, hi.

What... what are you doing here?

Uh... what, is this another date
I didn't know about?

What? No, no, I came here
to give you these.

Why?

You're not supposed
to say "why."

You-You're supposed to say
"thank you."

- Thank you.
-Ah.

I'll, uh, I'll get you
those pants now.

No, no, she won't.

Listen, I also got you
these chocolates here.

Why? I mean, thank you,
but why?

Excuse me. Do you think these
would look good on me?

No, they make you look fat.
Now, go away.

Hey... He didn't mean that.

I'll be with you in a second.

Look, you have to leave.

Not-not yet, Chris.
I want...

Come here. Look, last night,
when I asked you

to come up and look
at that movie,

it was a dumb way
of asking you on a date.

And this is the smart way?

You know, I'm trying
to be nice here.

Will you shut up and listen?

Do you want to go
on a date with me?

- No.
-What do you mean, "no"?

Okay, no way in hell!

Does that make it any clearer?

No!

Well, too bad.
Uh, now, where were we?

Uh, you were going to get me
those pants?

- Oh, yes.
-Look, here, just try these.

Chris, you're going to have to
ask your boyfriend to leave.

Oh, no, believe me,
he is not my boyfriend.

Yeah, just give me a second
here, will you, sweetheart?

Look, don't you see
what just happened?

I came all the way down here,
and I made a grand gesture.

Yes, I see that,
but I'm not interested!

But I gave you
flowers and candy,

and I... you know,
I almost wrote you a poem.

Well, actually, I did,
but it's kind of stupid.

You know, let me get
this straight:

I'm just supposed to melt
because you came down here

and made a gesture?

A grand gesture.

Oh, yeah, five wilted roses

and a box of drug store
chocolates,

what woman could resist?

You know what, John?

You deserve much more
than a date.

Like what?

Like me, right here, right now.

What?

Come on, let's make love!

What? What are you...?

Chris, what is going on here?

I'm taking my break early.

You are out of your mind.

I have never been more serious
in my life.

John, take me. Take me now.

Do you have these in blue?

I'll be with you in a moment.

This shouldn't take long at all.

You know, from the minute
I met you,

I knew there was something
weird about you.

I just didn't know what it was.

Now I do. You're crazy!

- Me? Me?
-Yeah. you! You!

What about you?
You just don't stop.

You keep asking me out,
I keep saying no.

You're like one of those
little windup toys

that keeps bumping
into the walls

but the little legs keep moving.

Once and for all, John,
I don't want to go outwith you!

Now, just leave!

I'll leave
when I'm good and ready.

Okay, I'm ready.

Finally! My God, what does it
take to get through to you?

So you wanted to see those
in blue?

Jake, you'll never guess
what I found in my building.

No. Stop right there, okay?

If you found something
in someone's drain

or someone's toilet,

I don't want to hear
about it, okay?

Just promise me it's not
one of those stories.

- No, this is nothing like that.
-All right.

There was this little baby bird
on the front stoop,

and it must have
fallen out of its nest

because it was hopping around
like it was hurt or something.

So I taped up his leg, I sat up
with him all night long,

then this morning,
I took him outside,

I put him in
the palm of my hand,

and I watched him fly away.

Wow, that's a sweet story.

Nah, I'm lying.
I found a watch in the toilet.

Chris is out of her mind.

You know, all I did was
give her flowers and candy,

and she instantly flopped
on her back

and started yelling,
"Take me! Take me!"

What kind of flowers?

She was mocking me, Bob.

She was making ass-fun of me

in the middle
of a clothing store.

Well, you know what,
you know what? I'm glad.

Yeah, I dodged a big fat bullet
on this one, I'll tell you.

If I never see her
or talk to her again,

I'll be a very happy man.

Coffee? I made it fresh.

Yeah, what-what the hell
are you doing here?

And why did you just
come out of that kitchen?

I've been waiting
all morning for this.

Well, thanks to a visit
I got at work

from some pompous,
self-involved jackass,

I got fired.

And then Jake told me
that Reggie was still looking

for somebody to run this place,

so I thought
I'd give it a shot.

Jake, how could you do this?

I... I was going broke.
I could have lost everything.

Yeah, but this is very
uncomfortable for me.

You want coffee or not?

Fine.

What the hell are you doing?

Sorry, I'm new here.