Original subtitles

That's amazing.

So what else do you see in my future?

I see there are many in your family

who have lived to be very old.

Wow, that's so true.

My grandmother's 92.

And if he were still alive, my great-grandfather would be 117.

So what do you see about my love life?

Hunker down, folks.

We could be here for a while.

Well, according to your passion line,

I see you involved with many men.

Good, so nothing's gonna change.

Wait a second, where'd you say the passion line was?

It's right below your never-going-to-get-any line.

I see good things ahead.

You'd be wise to invest in the future.

It will definitely bear fruit.

Oh, yeah? Well, screw you, grandma!

Yeah, you can't give me the finger

and hold on to the walker at the same time, can you?!

That's my boss.

But look who I'm telling.

Hey, Becker, this is Ruby.

For five bucks, she'll read your palm.

She's amazing!

Yeah, she told me I had a really long life line.

Yeah, you're late for work.

She mention anything about the unemployment line?

See ya.

Palm reader, huh?

Your parents must be so proud.

Actually, they're deceased.

Died of disappointment, did they?

Sorry.

That's all right, I see people like him every day.

And pity us, we see him every day.

No, I mean it, come on, guys. A palm reader?

You're not that stupid, are you, Bob?

Okay, my turn.

- No, no, me, I'm next. -No, me!

- Actually, I got to go... - Aw.

...but I'll be back in the neighborhood again tomorrow.

Okay, before you go, is there anything special

I should do until you get back?

Do something about that rash.

Uh-oh. It's back.

Coffee to go.

Please don't tell me you're part of that nonsense.

Are you kidding?

I'd never let anyone read my palm

or tell my fortune or any of that.

Finally, a voice of reason.

I don't want to know what my future's gonna be.

What if it's bad?

If? Yeah, the grease on the wall,

the bits of bacon in your hair.

If that's not a clue, I don't know what is.

I know I'm late, Margaret, but I have a really good excuse.

Okay, hit me.

Remember when I took the day off because my grandfather died?

Which time?

The time he actually died.

Anyways, he left me some money.

So, this morning, I went to the bank and took it all out,

because a palm reader named Ruby told me to invest in the future.

And you're really going to do it?

Exactly how much money are we talking about?

Well, I was saving up to buy a car,

but Ruby said, if I invest the money,

it'll definitely bear fruit.

Now all I have to do

is find the right thing to invest in.

Because some palm reader told you to?

What am I supposed to do,

listen to a money manager who's not even psychic?

Linda, investing can be very tricky.

You really have to do your homework.

Oh, you don't have to worry about me, Margaret.

I'm going to be very careful and do a lot of research.

Got it.

That's an ad for wrinkle cream.

Is that what you're going to invest in?

Margaret, this is the cosmos. We don't take it literally.

Okay, wrinkle cream

is for people who are out in the sun a lot.

And there's lots of sun in...

Florida.

And what is Florida known for?

Not counting votes.

No, old people and fruit.

Now, fruit left out

in the sun looks like old people,

but there's no money in that.

So it's got to be fruit.

Ruby said my investment would bear fruit.

Wow, this just got weird.

Just now?

But what kind of fruit is in Florida?

Oranges?

No, that's what they want you to think.

I'm going with grapefruits.

Grapefruit, grapefruit, grapefruit,

grapefruit, grapefruit, grapefruit...

- Linda's stuck again. -...grapefruit, grapefruit,

grapefruit, grapefruit, grapefruit...

Got it!

Grapefruit International.

Wow, Ruby read my palm and this company grows grapefruits,

ruby red grapefruits.

Perfect!

She talking about that weirdo down at the diner?

Yeah, and apparently she convinced Linda

to invest all of her money in fruit.

- Huh. -Can you believe it?

Oh, palm reading is just so ridiculous.

Thank you. Finally somebody who agrees with me.

It's all such a crock.

Tarot cards, numerology,

phrenology, the Bible, astrology...

John...

I Said the Bible, didn't I?

And you were doing so well.

Ruby, you're amazing.

Wh-What else do you see?

Well, I see you've had to overcome

a lot of obstacles in your life.

He's blind-- his life is nothing but obstacles.

Come on, do me.

No, leave him alone. She just started.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Well, I see a nice, long life line,

so you'll live to be a ripe old age.

You'll also fall in love again.

In fact, many times.

You see any love for me this weekend?

Sorry, it doesn't work like that.

You see anything for me this weekend?

No.

Where did she see that?

She wasn't looking at your hand, Bob.

This is interesting.

I see pain in your life.

But it will soon disappear.

Wow. Now, does it say exactly what kind...

Time's up! There's my money. Do me. Do me.

I'm guessing that's not the first time you've said that.

Oh, yeah, the palm reader again.

Hey, Chris, you know what else is fun?

You get a cup, you put some coffee in it,

then sometime in the very near future, give it to me.

What is your problem?

So what if somebody believes in something you don't?

Why does it bother you so much?

Because I hang out here.

- It makes me a dumb-ass by proxy. -Ugh.

Your sex line and your money line run into each other.

Occasionally.

Occasionally?

Shut up.

What else do you see?

Well, I see a lot of happiness in your life,

although not until a valued friendship has been repaired.

Holy smokes. Which one?

Well, it doesn't say, but I'm sure

the answer will make itself clear to you.

That's amazing, Ruby!

How is that amazing?

She just told you to figure it out for yourself.

So, John, why don't you let Ruby read your palm.

You might learn something.

- Oh, please. -Yeah, Becker, what are you, scared?

Don't force him.

If he's not interested, that's okay.

Hey, you know what, John, if it's the money,

- I'll pay the five bucks. -It's not the money.

- It's always the money! -It's always the money!

You said you don't believe in any of this,

so, uh, what are you so afraid of?

Oh. All right, fine.

I will let Ruby read my palm,

if for no other reason than to show you all

this is a bunch of nonsense.

Come on, fork over the five bucks.

Here.

All right, let's see.

Oh, my God.

I, uh, just remembered

there's someplace I need to be.

Wh-Wh-What? What? Wh-What are you...?

I'm sorry, I have to go. Good-bye.

- No, no, what about...? -Good-bye.

See, that's what I'm afraid of.

Hey, Margaret, could you get in here a minute?

Sure. What do you need?

Well, th...

there are lots of reasons, uh,

the color might drain from a woman's face,

causing her to run from a room, right?

Were you on a date?

No, I wasn't on a date. Just answer the damn question.

Well, maybe the woman was anemic.

No, I already got that.

- What-what else? -Uh,

maybe she had low blood sugar,

maybe she was pregnant, maybe an anxiety attack.

That's all good. Thank you.

Or maybe she saw something horrible

and it scared her to death.

No, no, no, no, that's not it. Something else.

Well, why are you asking me anyway?

You might need to know this.

I mean, what if something horrible happened to me someday?

Then what would you do?

You mean before or after the party?

Get out.

Go on, get out.

Well, this is a first.

You're working through lunch.

Please, Margaret, I didn't even work through the morning.

I'm checking my grapefruit stock.

Oh, no.

What's wrong?

Well, yesterday it went all the way up to 50,

but now look-- it's only at 25.

Oh, but you have twice as many shares.

Your stock split.

That ridiculous system of yours worked.

You mean that's good?

Yes, that's good.

It got so high, it had to split.

Boy, I know what that's like.

Hey, What's going on?

Why didn't you tell me lunch was here?

Well, yours isn't.

Ming accidentally left out your order.

They're sending it over.

Accidentally, my ass.

He hates it when I use the coupons.

Guess what, Dr. Becker.

My grapefruit stock went up and split.

That's a good thing.

And it's all because of Ruby.

She saw all of it right in my hand.

That's ridiculous. You can't tell the future

by looking at somebody's hand.

Look, I'm starving.

When is my lunch coming?

Relax. Here, have a fortune cookie.

Oh, my God.

"Riches will soon be yours."

Ru by was right.

"You will share in the fortune of a friend."

Oh, Linda!

"Your future is in your hands."

I'm a dead man.

- Hey, Jake. -Hmm?

I've been thinking about what Ruby told me--

you know, that a valued friendship would be repaired.

Well, if it needs to be repaired,

then there's obviously a problem,

and since I don't have a problem, it's got to be you.

Well, how do you know it's not one of your other friends?

There's you and my neighbor Carl.

He only wears socks, and he thinks we were in 'Nam together.

Well, maybe it's him. Maybe he's got the problem.

Nah, we get along great.

He thinks I took a bullet for him.

So it's got to be you.

Well, Bob, I-l have no problem.

Sure, you do, and it's not good to keep it bottled up.

Nothing's bottled up.

All I'm saying is that this hidden animosity of yours

could wreck our friendship.

Listen, Bob, there is no damn problem.

- Just drop it, okay? -You see?

There it is, the animosity.

You do have a problem with me,

and after all I've done for you.

What have you done for me?

Well, obviously nothing you appreciate.

What was that all about?

I'm not sure, although Ruby did say,

"A great pain will disappear."

- Yeah, and there he goes. -Yeah.

And here comes another one.

Hey, guys, uh, you wouldn't happen to know

where to find that... that Ruby woman, do you?

I knew it. That look on Ruby's face

when she looked at your palm

has got you really freaked out, doesn't it?

Wha...? Oh, no, no, no, not at all,

but I'll tell you, as a doctor,

I am a little concerned for her.

Did you see the way the color

drained out of her face?

She could be anemic or low blood sugar,

something like that.

She actually needs to be checked out,

which, you know, I could do, as a doctor,

if I knew wh-where... where to find her.

Hmm. Well, you know, as a doctor, you're full of it.

Mmm. Yeah, you want to find her 'cause you're scared.

- Yeah, I am scared, for her. - Ugh.

You know, that's okay-- I'd be scared, too.

I mean, the woman sees things.

She doesn't see things any more than you do.

Yeah, but that look on her face,

I still can't get it out of my mind.

If I were you, I'd want to talk to Ruby, too.

You know, find out what she saw.

Yeah, well, I'm sure you would, but, you know, I have something

that prevents me from believing that crap.

Let's see, what is it?

Oh, yes, that's right, an education.

Oh, here it comes.

Yeah, a Harvard education.

- Good call. -Yeah.

Which is why I will never need to consult

a palm reader, talk to a psychic or pay any attention whatsoever

to a stupid fortune cookie.

No Harvard man would do that.

What do you know?

It's only Wednesday, and it's already been

a four-Harvard week.

Margaret?

Need me to help you fax something?

No, no, I-l just sent a copy

of, uh, Mrs. Mindetti's liver panel over to Dr. Freeman.

You don't have to...

Oh, no wonder you're concerned about her liver.

It grew fingers.

Oh, did I say "liver"? No, I meant "hand."

I sent a copy of her hand to Dr. Freeman.

Why? He's a liver specialist.

And she has liver spots all over her hands.

What...? Who's the doctor here, Margaret?

What's going on with you?

Oh... all right, all right.

I just got some very disturbing news from Linda's palm reader.

- Y-You're kidding me. -No...

I know, I know, I know, I know, but she looked at my hand,

and then she said, "Oh, my God,"

and then made this... this really scary face

and ran from the room.

I mean, it was like she was looking

at some black abyss of death and destruction.

So you're faxing her copies of your hand?

No, come on, I did not waste eight years at Harvard...

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Look, M-Margaret, this is going to be

a very scientific, controlled experiment.

I'm going to send five copies of my hand

to five different palm readers.

Now, if there's something to see,

they're all going to see it.

What?

Do you hear yourself?

You are the most skeptical human being I know.

Yet some woman with a bandanna and dangling earrings

looks at a crease in your hand, and you freak out.

She was not wearing a bandanna. You know something, you make...

Ruby is a genius.

I was walking by the deli on the corner,

and in the window there was a sign.

"Grapefruit, two for a dollar."

And right underneath it was a sign for the lottery.

I'm telling you, Margaret, it was a sign.

Actually two signs. Go on, go on.

Well, what else could I do?

I cashed in my stock and bought Lotto tickets,

thousands of them.

My God, Linda, how much did you win?

$50.

And I've never won anything

in my whole life, and it's all because of Ruby.

There you go, John.

Because of Ruby,

Linda turned her grandfather's inheritance into $50.

- Is that who you are-- Linda? -No, but...

Yeah, but you didn't see Ruby's face, Margaret.

You didn't see her eyes.

You didn't see the look she gave me

when she ran from the room.

I mean, what if I die, Margaret? What if she...?

Ow.

I'm sorry, John, but if you go over to Linda's side,

lam in this office all by myself.

You're right, you're right.

L-I'm... I'm sorry.

M-Maybe I should just take a walk.

You know, clear my head, get some fresh air.

Maybe I can just step back from this problem

and look at it clearly, rationally, logically.

Madam Zora?

Yeah?

Oh, I'm sorry. Please...

Come in. Sit.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, um...

I don't really know how this stuff works, but...

I saw your sign outside,

and I-I-I have a few questions about my future.

I know.

What's your pleasure?

Tarot cards, psychic reading, tea leaves?

No, your-your sign said palm reading.

Ah, my specialty.

But first you need to relax and pay me $20.

What? That's like four times

what the other palm reader charged.

I know.

Fine. Here.

And now Madam Zora will be able to unlock

the mysteries you hold in your palm.

Interesting.

Zora!

Where the hell is my ointment?

In the medicine cabinet!

Sorry.

I see that your life line doubles.

That is a sign of great vitality and positive forces around you.

And your love line...

We're out of pretzels!

I'm working! Eat the damn Fritos!

You know, is this a bad time?

L-I can come back.

Oh, no, he'll settle down once he starts eating.

Ah, your money line.

I see success on many levels.

No, no, get to the bad stuff.

And then you'll fail.

Zora! Phone!

Who is it?

You're the psychic. You tell me.

I can tell you where that phone's gonna be

in about two minutes!

I'm so sor...

I knew that was going to happen.

- Jake? -Yeah.

I made a decision.

Since our friendship seems to be kaput,

I'm returning everything I've ever borrowed.

Here's the ten bucks from last week.

I didn't know you took this.

Damn!

And here's the Godfather DVD I borrowed.

- I didn't loan you this. -At the time, I thought

we were close enough that I didn't have to ask.

And here's your TV remote.

L-I've been... I've been looking all over for this.

Why in the world would you take my TV remote?

I was trying to impress a girl.

Now, how's that supposed to impress...?

You know what? I don't care, I don't care.

But I was wrong when I said

there was nothing wrong in our friendship.

There is something wrong-- you're stealing all my stuff.

Yeah, but now we're talking about it.

If you had done that in the first place,

we wouldn't be here right now.

All right. Fine. Whatever.

- I gotta go to the bank. -I'll go with you.

I got your ATM card.

Ru by, you were right.

A valued friendship has been repaired.

Yeah, but I still got that pain.

I don't think that one's ever going away.

Oh, hi, Ruby.

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

- Yes. Thank you. -Okay.

All right. I've never done this before

because I-I've always been too afraid,

but I-l finally worked up the courage,

and I'd like to have my palm read.

Oh, great. I'd be glad to.

- What do you see? -Well...

No, I can't, I can't. I changed my mind.

No, okay, okay, I will. Just-just... tell me.

Well...

Unless it's bad. Then don't tell me.

Okay, maybe you could just show me your pinkie

and we could ease into it.

Okay.

Uh, I'll-I'll... I'll do it. Okay.

B-B-But hurry up and get it over with.

It's just like when I lost my virginity.

Uh, well, I see romance.

Well... well, I was married.

Is-is that the romance you see?

Oh, no, no, this is definitely in the future.

Oh, well, that sounds good.

And I see a good, long, healthy life.

Oh! Romance and health.

You know what? Uh, I like to leave a party

while I'm still having fun, so... so let's just stop here

before you tell me anything I don't want to hear.

Uh, uh, can I... can I get you anything else?

Just that coffee.

Okay, fine, just let me know.

Oh, my God, it's you.

Oh, hello.

How are you?

Yeah, you tell me.

- What did you see in my hand? -What do you mean?

My hand. You looked at my hand, and then you ran out of here.

Oh, that. It was nothing, really.

It was something, though. You saw something.

It was like, the look on your face,

it was like you saw...

bad stuff.

Bad.

Can I level with you?

Oh, God. Here it comes.

All right, all right, all right.

You were right about palm reading.

It's not serious.

It's just for fun, harmless entertainment.

It means nothing.

I also do caricatures.

But...

you ran out of here.

What was that?

Oh, that was nothing.

I saw your watch and realized I was late

for a birthday party I was working out in Queens.

So, you didn't see anything?

No... no dark abyss?

Oh, please.

You're a smart guy.

Well, I-l did go to Harvard.

Then you should know.

It's just the lines on your hand.

Means nothing.

Huh. Huh, that...

All right, then.

I'm okay. Yeah.

Yeah, I was never really concerned, you know.

I mean, th-this palm reading's crap.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Um, hello?

Uh, can you come out here, please?

Yes?

Uh, could... could I

look at your hand one more time?

I just want to check your love line again.

Oh, you... Okay.

Wh-What do you see?

Just be careful.

Be very careful.

Wham?

Be... be careful of what?

I knew this was a bad idea.