Original subtitles

Hey, Jake, got any money?

Whoa, whoa, you don't... you don't just bust in

and hit somebody up for money.

You gotta... you gotta ease into it.

You know, try a little conversation.

Maybe... maybe some flattery.

You're right.

So, you're looking good.

- Hell no. -Come on!

I got the investment of a lifetime.

Coffee futures.

El Nifio conditions have led to an early frost in Brazil,

which means coffee prices are gonna go through the roof.

We get in now, we're rich.

Oh, that's different. No!

Hey, Chris, you got any money?

Oh, sorry. Love your hair.

- Got any money? -Uh...

I just spent the morning

crawling around my bathroom floor trying to fix my sink.

Does it sound like I got money?

Hey, handsome, got any money?

No.

This doesn't work at all.

Give it up, Hector.

All right, fine, don't listen to me.

But you'll all be sorry.

Oh, yes, you'll be very sorry.

So, you want some breakfast?

No, just coffee to go.

Busy day, huh?

- The usual. -Yeah, me, too.

The sink in the bathroom is broken.

I'm trying to fix it myself.

I mean, who can afford a plumber?

Yeah. Plumbers.

So, we having dinner tonight?

Yeah, great.

Yeah. Have a nice day.

You, too.

Wow.

Unless he had his hand down your shirt,

that was the dullest conversation I've ever heard.

- You noticed that, too, huh? -Uh-huh.

I thought maybe once we got into a relationship,

he'd open up a little, talk more.

- That's funny, most people want him to talk less. -I know.

I meant normal, everyday couple conversation.

You know, the kind of things men and women say to each other.

- Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. -Yeah.

Like, "I love you."

"Oh, the sex was amazing."

"Why don't we have sex anymore?"

"Who the hell is Stan?"

"All right, leave, you slut!"

That-that kind of thing, right?

Yeah, yeah, that, uh... that kind of thing.

Well, it's about time!

Uh, Margaret, check your watch. It's 8:59.

I'm a minute early.

Oh, well, that's great,

but I would be a little more impressed

if you bothered to show up yesterday.

Where were you? I had to cover for you all day.

Yeah, I feel bad about that.

Uh, no, I don't.

Margaret, I met the one.

Oh, no, not another one.

No, the one.

This gorgeous guy, Steve, moved across the hall from me.

Yesterday we got in the elevator at the same time,

and the minute our eyes met, I knew.

I swear, Margaret, I heard bells.

Mmm. Bells?

You know, you told me when you met Lewis,

you heard bells.

Well, that was different.

He was driving an ice-cream truck.

All right, what does this "the one" do?

So far, I haven't found anything he can't do.

Oh, you mean for a living.

He's a lawyer, he's rich, and I liked him

before I knew that, which makes me a good person.

Linda, I am glad that you found someone special again.

But you can't just take a day off whenever you want.

I could if you'd lie for me.

Well, I won't.

And even if I wanted to, I can't.

I'm no good at it.

That's why I keep saying you should let me teach you.

- Morning. - Good morning, John.

How are you?

Not bad.

Stopped by the diner, had a nice conversation with Chris.

Now I'm here in time to see... Mr. Fretts.

Oh, yeah... pathetic little weasel.

Oh, look, he's got hemorrhoids.

Now he can be a pain in his own ass.

Oh, and, uh, you have Dana McCall in room one.

All right.

Where the hell were you yesterday?

What are you talking about? I was right here.

I helped you with that patient.

You yelled at me. I got you lunch.

By the way, you owe me five bucks.

Oh, right, right, right.

Well, take it out of petty cash.

Class dismissed.

Dana, how are you?

Why do doctors always ask that?

If I was good, I wouldn't be here.

Good point. Stupid question.

All right, what the hell's wrong with you?

It's my foot.

It's kind of been tingling.

I'm training for a marathon, and I want to make sure

I'm not doing anything really stupid.

You mean other than running 26 miles

without someone chasing you?

Are you, uh...

are you experiencing any numbness

or tingling anywhere else?

Yeah, actually, back here.

Does it get worse when you're in a hot shower?

Yes. How did you know that?

The guy who sold me those diplomas told me.

It's probably just a pinched nerve,

but why don't we get you in for an MRI and check it out.

Then you can go run your silly little race.

What do you have against the marathon?

Uh, it just gets my hopes up.

You know, in the beginning,

it looks like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city,

but then they make this big loop and come right back in.

I know, Steve. I feel the same way, too.

I can't wait to see you tonight, either.

On the phone.

I love you. No, I love you more.

I love... I gotta go.

That was Steve.

We met yesterday, and I already know he's the one.

He invited me over tonight to meet his father.

Isn't that romantic,

or should I just get the hell out of your office?

The second one!

Leaving already?

Sorry it's been so busy.

We didn't really have time to talk.

That's all right. We'll talk later.

Oh, yeah, right, right, dinner.

- Where should we go? -You know something,

I was thinking maybe we'd just stay in tonight.

You know, you come on down to my place.

Hey, that sounds nice. I'll pick something up.

Great.

Uh, Chris... about the bathroom.

Hey, your pants are a little wet there, buddy.

I'll cut you some slack for being blind,

but you're gonna have to aim a little bit better than that.

It's the sink!

Yeah, sorry, Jake. It's still broken.

I meant to tell you.

"I meant to tell you."

I'm soaked. Are you going to call a plumber already?

I did, I did. I left messages

for Mr. Big Wrench, Mr. Rooter, Mr. Snake...

Okay, are you fixing a sink or casting a porno flick?

All right, people, I'm serious.

Give me your money now.

- Does he have a gun? -No.

No!

Come on, I got more information.

Next week, the U.S. Journal of Medicine

is publishing a study proving

that two cups of coffee a day is good for your heart.

I'm offering you a life-changing opportunity,

and all I'm asking in return is a meager 10% commission.

You want to offer me a life-changing opportunity,

fix my sink.

Hector, you got to stop this.

Come on, man! This could make us rich.

I forget, now, what was the last idea you had

that was going to make us all rich?

I don't recall.

Mm... sure you do.

Come on, say it.

Come on... say it.

The Puppy Vac.

That's right, the Puppy Vac.

Right. Yeah, the vacuum attached to the back of a dog,

so when he goes from room to room,

he cleans your entire house.

Hey, once they breed a dog

that won't freak out at that noise,

that's gonna work.

Hector, look, look, you got to give it up already, all right?

I mean, look around you.

Every day, you see people busting their asses

trying to scratch out a living,

and you think you're going to find some easy way out.

That was the idea.

You know, grow up, all right?

Quit embarrassing yourself.

Get yourself a job.

That was harsh, man.

Well, you know what?

The world is harsh. Get used to it.

Damn it!

Sink still broken?

"Sink still broken?"

John, it's me!

Come on in. It's open.

My hands are full.

So put something down.

John...

oh!

Sorry.

Wait-wait. John!

Oh, oh, sorry.

Yeah, I was watching the Knicks.

Great game. Already been two fights.

Thank you.

Anything else I can get for you?

- No, I'm good. -Oh.

- So, how was your day? -You know, the usual.

Come on, hey, shoot the ball, shoot the ball. Yes!

So, uh... so nothing interesting happened?

Uh, not really, you know?

I had a craving for a cigarette around 2:00.

Ate a piece of licorice.

It went away.

Pass the ball! Come on! What's wrong with you?

- Well, I had a hell of a day. -Yeah?

Yeah. You probably noticed I'm wearing

a different outfit than I was this morning.

Oh, right, yeah, before you had on the, uh, other thing.

Well, it, uh... it turns out

I'm not quite the plumber I thought I was.

--I, uh... l-l was trying to

fix the, uh, sink in the bathroom at the diner, and, uh,

and I turned the wrench the wrong way, and it...

John!

Would you listen to me?

What?

I had a plumbing problem.

Okay.

Well, hey...

What? I thought the story was over.

Your sink broke, and you called a plumber, right?

You are not even listening to me.

All right, fine, here, look, I'm listening.

What happened?

The sink broke, and I called a plumber.

Okay.

Whoa, whoa wait, wait.

L-I thought we were going to have dinner and talk.

That's what we're doing.

No, I'm doing all the talking.

That's all right. I don't mind.

- Well, aren't you gonna talk? -I am talking.

I can hear me. Can't you?

You know, it's starting to feel like you'd be happier

if the beer and pizza stayed and I just disappeared.

I don't know what you're talking about.

So, how was dinner?

Did you meet Steve's father?

Margaret, I swear, I'm even more in love today

than I was yesterday.

Oh. So, Steve really is the one?

No.

His father is.

What?!

I'm in love with Steve's father.

The moment I saw him, I just knew.

His name's Steve, too.

Oh, how convenient.

That way, if you say the wrong name in bed,

you're still right.

I know. I already thought of that.

I swear,

I haven't been this attracted to a man...

Since yesterday!

Oh, that.

I was so young and naive.

Trust me, Margaret,

this is the real thing.

Hey, do me a favor.

If Steve calls, I'm not here.

But if Steve calls, find me.

Look, Gary, whatever it is, you can tell me.

L-I don't know, Dr. Becker.

It's kind of personal.

It just happens at the worst times,

and I can't do anything to control it.

Oh, you cut one in gym class, did you?

We-we've all done that.

No. I get...

excited...

...a lot.

You mean that you-you get erections

when you don't really need them?

I'm 13. I never need them.

Yeah. Well, at-at your age, uh,

frequent erections are-are perfectly normal.

You know? Um, it's your body just taking

the equipment out for a test drive.

You know, pretty soon, you're going to look back

on these days... fondly.

I don't understand.

All right, never mind, never mind. I'm just, uh...

Look, all I'm saying is,

this is nothing you have to worry about it.

But it happens all the time!

When I'm walking down the street,

when I'm in algebra.

The other day, it happened while I was doing my chores.

Now my mom thinks I like to do 'em.

Margaret, hi.

I just stopped by to bring John a sandwich.

Oh, thank you.

Mm.

And, uh, you gonna stay and watch him eat it?

Oh, God, no, no. I've seen John eat.

--No, I did...

I did just want to ask you, um...

It-it's about me and John.

Uh, we've been together a couple weeks now, and, uh...

Oh, and congratulations on breaking the record.

Oh, thanks. Thanks.

Uh, uh, but the thing is, we, um...

we-we don't seem to communicate.

Uh, sometimes I wonder if he even likes being with me.

Boy, that's a surprise.

I mean, why, just yesterday, he came in,

and he said he was at the diner

and the two of you had a really nice conversation.

- Really? -Mm-hmm.

So, you think he is happy?

Happy? John?

Well, uh, he has been smiling more.

Well, that's... that's good to know.

Thanks.

Uh, on the other hand, it-it-it could be

just like with babies.

Uh, sometimes they smile when they're happy,

and sometimes it's just gas.

Thanks.

Wow. You know, that really does happen

at the oddest times, doesn't it?

- Uh, John? -Yeah.

Dana McCall's MRI results just came in.

Do you want me to get her on the phone?

No.

It's Friday.

Let her enjoy the weekend.

Hey, Jake.

Oh, hi.

Listen, about what you said to me yesterday...

Look, I know I came down kind of hard on you...

No, no. You were right. So, this morning,

I went down to the unemployment office,

and I checked out the job listings.

Saw some really good possibilities.

Oh, that's great. I'm happy for you.

Nothing fancy.

Just good, honest, entry-level work.

Yeah, but you know what?

With determination and discipline,

those jobs can really turn into something.

Yeah.

Anyway, while I was there,

I heard a news study on how, due to El Nifio conditions

and an upcoming medical study,

coffee futures went up... 300%!

Oh. yeah?

Yeah.

But do I have a piece of it?

No!

Because you talked me out of it!

But that's okay, because thanks to you,

I got a lead on a primo dishwashing gig at Nathan's!

I hear they promote from within.

I'm taking gum, and I'm not paying for it.

Every day for the rest of my life!

Oh! For...

What do you do, just sit out there and wait for me?

Yeah, yeah. Then I hope and pray

if I smile real pretty, you'll let me in.

So you're back with the food now? I'm starving.

I'm sorry, I-l started watching the game at Ming's,

kind of got caught up in it,

and then I got hungry...

So, you ate without me, and-and my food's cold?

Yeah. You may want to nuke that.

Forget it, I'm too hungry.

Second half's about to start.

Come on, sit down.

Oh, this is going to be our evening?

We're going to watch basketball again?

Yeah. You like basketball, right?

Yeah, sure.

So how was your day?

Oh, just-just one second.

But it's a commercial.

Yeah, but I like this one.

It's the one with the funny duck.

He quacks.

Nobody sees him. It's funny.

Ah, here we go. All right.

Wh-What are you doing?

John, I-I'm curious.

Do you actually consider this a good evening?

Basketball, Chinese food,

the duck, you-- yeah, it's great.

Well, maybe great for you, but it's not for me.

What... What "this"?

What's... what's not good?

This-this-this sitting on the couch

and watching TV every night, not talking.

We're a couple-- at least we're supposed to be--

but it's not gonna work if we don't connect,

and we can't connect if you won't share with me.

I am sharing with you.

You're sitting on my couch.

You're watching my TV.

That is not what I mean.

L-I keep asking you,

"How was your day?" "What happened?"

"Anything you want to talk about?"

And you-you just keep saying, "Nothing."

- There is nothing. -No, there can't be "nothing."

You're doing something. There are too many people

mad at you at the end of each day.

Fine.

- I went... I went to my office. -Mm.

Saw a guy with gas...

a little girl with strep throat,

a lady with a bunions,

a teenage boy with a problem most guys would kill for,

then I found out I have to tell a 23-year-old girl

that she has M.S., then another guy came in...

Wh-wh-whoa, back up.

You have to tell someone they have M.S.?

Yeah, yeah.

Nice girl, too. It's too bad.

Anyway, the other guy came in, he was...

Ow! Ow!

Hey, hey, hey! Stop that! What are you doing?

You-you were going through something like that,

and you didn't think to share it with me?

- Why would I? -To unburden yourself.

To take the pressure off.

John, that-that must be so painful for you.

So, you know, what if it is? That's part of my job.

Yeah, but don't-don't you need a way to deal with it?

- I have one. -What?

I come home, and I lose myself

in a mindless game of basketball.

Oh.

Look, I-l love my job.

I get to help a lot of people.

Sometimes I can't.

And when that happens...

You watch basketball.

Or football or soccer, baseball, hockey...

One time I watched two guys in a rowboat fishing.

They caught a bass.

I cried.

It was cathartic.

Why didn't you tell me this before?

'Cause it's my problem.

Wh-Why make you miserable, you know?

Look, if it makes you feel better

to talk about your broken sink,

then I'll listen, but don't make me do it.

I'm no good at it.

You know, you don't have

to choke this stuff down all the time.

If it feels like it's getting to be too much

and you'd rather talk, I'm here.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

You know, except no stories that involve a lot of pain.

I just... I can't handle that.

Got it.

No wounds or wounds that don't heal.

I don't want to hear about those, either.

Or funguses, fung... skeeve me out.

- Freak accidents are bad.

Parasites-- I'm...

Ugh! I'm not happy with those, either.