Original subtitles

Hey, Jake.

Ah, Hector, just the man I wanted to see.

Come on.

You want to see... pretty much anyone, don't you?

Now, listen, I got a call last night

from a friend of mine, right?

He's got two tickets to see Stevie Wonder

tonight at the Garden.

Now, he can't use them, so, uh...

Oh, man, Stevie Wonder! Thank you! I'd love to go.

Yeah, well, actually, you're not. Uh...

See, I need you to go down

and pick up the tickets for me downtown.

I'm bringing this girl named Gloria.

Well, isn't she lucky?

So, where'd you meet this...

Gloria?

At a bar. Hey, Hector, I'd love to take you,

if I had any desire whatsoever to sleep with you.

Yeah, well, you can kiss that dream good-bye.

Are you gonna pick up the tickets or not?

You tapped your way into that bar to pick up Gloria.

You can tap your ass downtown

and pick up your own damn tickets.

What was that about?

Well, I told Hector I wouldn't sleep with him,

and he got mad at me.

You're not gonna believe this.

There's this guy walking around outside

with this huge parrot on his shoulder.

I mean, why would you do that?

Are you afraid the world's not crapping on you enough?

Hey, Margaret called.

Some guy named Dickey left you a message.

Dickey? Dickey Patterson?

How many Dickeys do you know?

Actually, at Harvard, there were quite a few.

God, you people are white.

For your information, Dr. Richard Patterson

happened to be my best friend at med school.

Lucky bastard's a cardiologist down in New Orleans.

The deep-fried capital of the world.

He's making a fortune.

Well, he's going to be here later.

- He and his wife Donna... - Whoa, whoa.

Dickey and Donna?

Okay, I think I'm gonna puke now.

Hey, shut up.

They-they have a layover on their way to Paris.

They wanted to know if they could meet you

for an early dinner around 5:00.

5:00 today? Oh, that's-that's impossible.

I'm down at NYU doing a medical conference.

He said to tell you he was buying.

Ah. Well, maybe I can get out early.

So, you're going downtown, John?

Could you do me a favor and pick up some tickets for me?

Stevie Wonder is playing tonight at the Garden.

You're gonna go see Stevie Wonder?

- Yep. -How will you know?

Who's the opening act, uh, Jose Feliciano?

Ray Charles?

You done?

Uh... yeah.

You gonna pick up the tickets or not?

All right, all right, yeah, I'll pick up your damn tickets.

- Thank you. -Is this the address?

- Yep. -346 East...

Well, you wrote off the edge of the paper again, Jake.

I'm sorry. East 50th Street.

- Thank you, thank you. -All right, fine.

Hey, you know something?

I'll be back around 5:00.

Why don't... why don't you, uh, call

and make dinner reservations for the four of us.

Us? You-you want me to come with you?

Uh, you mean, like, as a... as a couple?

Well, he's bringing his wife.

I thought I'd bring my... you.

Uh, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.

Wait-wait-wait. This-this is the first time

I'm meeting any of your friends.

I mean, how-how are you gonna introduce me?

I don't know. "This is Chris"?

That's it? Just "this is Chris"?

Well, how will they know if I'm Chris the friend,

Chris the girlfriend

or Chris the hooker you hired just to impress them?

Well, why don't I wait and see what you wear.

Mr. Aronson, we've run all the tests.

You don't have chronic fatigue syndrome,

you don't have mono, you don't have narcolepsy.

It's my professional opinion you're just a lazy bastard.

Now, get back to work. Go on.

Where's my next patient?

Mrs. Levy canceled.

The two quarters her son swallowed

are back in circulation.

All right, great, I get to leave early, then.

I want to get down to the conference

before they give away all that free stuff.

Remember that, uh...

remember that nudie pen I got last year?

You know, the one you tilted it

and the nurse's uniform slid off.

I loved that thing,

I wonder what the hell ever happened to that.

I threw it in the trash,

same as I'll do with the next one.

- What's wrong? -Nothing.

Damn! This can't be happening.

No!

Linda, what is wrong?

Nothing.

Step away from the computer.

Why does the screen say "fatal error"?

I don't know.

And where is the file of Medicare claims

that we have been entering for the last three weeks?

I don't know.

Linda, what did you do?

I don't know!

I was illegally downloading music off the Internet,

and I got bored...

so I decided to do a little work.

But when I tried to open the file,

the screen just said "fatal error,"

and I'm sorry, and don't yell at me.

Oh, Linda, how could you have deleted that whole file?

If we don't submit those claims by tonight,

we could lose thousands in reimbursements.

Well, I'm out of here.

Please don't tell him. Please don't tell him.

Please don't tell him.

Don't tell me what?

- Nothing. -Nothing.

Guess it's just not your day.

- Excuse me. -Yeah?

How many more stops to Chambers Street?

Chambers Street? That's downtown.

You're on the uptown express.

You're going in the wrong direction.

I am?

Oh, I must have gotten on the wrong train.

Well, it's no big deal.

Just get off at the next stop,

cross over, take the train downtown

to 42nd Street, then grab the crosstown shuttle.

Does that go uptown or downtown?

Neither. It goes crosstown.

That's why they call it the crosstown shuttle.

But I'm trying to go downtown.

Why would I go across?

Because you're on the east side going uptown.

You want to go crosstown to the west side

so you can go downtown.

Here, let me show you on the map.

It's easy. Look.

You're right here, right, and you want to go... Hey!

Guess it's just not your day.

All right, where is John already?

I mean, he should've been back by now.

I told Gloria I'd pick her up at 6:00,

and I can't leave without those tickets.

Jake, think about it.

Somebody's buying him dinner.

- The man will be back. -Yes.

You're sure your friend wanted us to meet him here?

You wrote down the wrong address, didn't you, Dickey?

Don't start with me, Donna.

I wrote down exactly what his nurse told me.

Sure you did.

Uh, waitress?

Oh, actually, I'm, uh... I'm not a waitress.

I-l run the place.

Oh, how wonderful for you.

Uh, can I help you?

Um, I'm supposed to meet

a friend of mine here, Dr. John Becker.

Oh, Dickey.

- Well, yeah. How are you? -Hey. Hi. Hi.

And you must be Donna.

Um, well, uh, I'm Chris Connor, uh, John's, um...

well, uh, girlfriend, I guess.

--Oh.

That's the first time I've said that out loud.

Big day for you, huh?

- She's joking. - Okay.

Uh, John should be back any second.

Why don't you sit down, I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Oh, thank God. I'll have a half-caf grande

non-fat double macchiato.

Actually, all I have is-is regular and decaf.

Regular coffee will be just fine, thank you.

In a clean cup.

Oh, a clean cup?

Oh, I'll see what I can do.

What a bitch.

Come on, John's friends. Be nice, be nice.

Hey, folks, how you doing?

Oh, for God's sake, give him a dollar.

Uh, actually, I'm a friend of John's.

I'm Jake Malinak.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. Nice to meet you.

I run the newsstand over here.

Oh, you hear that, Donna?

He's blind, and he owns his own business.

It's a newsstand, not Microsoft.

Not just a bitch; a patronizing bitch.

Linda, what did you do?

I can't find that file anywhere.

Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault.

Stop it! It is your fault.

If you had been concentrating

on your job, this wouldn't have happened.

You screwed up, and you're gonna have to deal with it.

You're right.

I'll set fire to the office

and make it look like an accident.

Linda!

I dated a fireman. I know how to do it.

Linda!

The insurance company will cover it.

We can make a fresh start.

We can move to Florida, get new faces, new fingerprints.

I dated someone in the FBI. I know how to do it.

Linda! Just get a hold of yourself and stop it!

Now, now, we will solve this.

I'll call the computer guy, but whatever it costs

is coming out of your salary.

Why is your plan better than my plan?

Yeah, I-l know, I know.

At Disneyland, they have a train that goes in one big circle.

But this is New York.

Disney only owns part of it.

Now, are you clear about where you're going?

I'm terrible with directions.

If I could just write this down...

Now, I know I... I have a pen here somewhere.

I'm sorry, do you mind?

I know I... I put it...

The pen... Here.

Let's see.

And these.

I lost a ring in 1964.

I wonder if you have it.

Wait, wait, wait, this is ridiculous.

Here, put this all back.

Here, look...

- I got a pen right here. -Oh.

You can use this.

Oh, my-

It's okay, I'm a doctor.

I'm allowed to look at that.

Next stop, 59th Street.

All right, you get off at this stop.

Then you cross over, and you take the downtown...

I just need something to write on, and I can't...

--Let me see. Oh...

Careful. Here, I... Oh, no, no, don't step on it.

- Wait, don't, don't... -Oh... oh, dear.

- Oh. Oh. -Oh...

I'm so sorry.

Still not your day, is it?

Oh, great, no signal.

Just when you want one of these damn cell phones to work

is the one time they don't.

Are you all right?

No, I'm not all right.

I'm late. I've got people waiting for me for dinner.

I also have tickets for a blind guy

who's going to go see Stevie Wonder.

Well, that's ironic, isn't it?

Look, look, look, are you clear about

where you have to go now?

Yes, I think so.

This is Times Square.

No-no-no! This is East 42nd Street.

Look, look, you go down that corridor,

you take the crosstown shuttle to Times Square,

then look for signs, the IRT.

Not the IND, but the IRT.

Then take either the number one, the number three or...

You're-you're not getting any of this, are you?

It's terribly confusing.

In Connecticut, you drive everywhere.

Oh, dear God, you still have a license?

Well...

No. Not since I backed into that police car.

You know, maybe that's nature's way of saying, "Stay home."

I can't. I have to go downtown.

All right.

I'll be fine. Thank you for everything.

Yeah, all right, all right.

Okay, hey, look, I'm going to take you there myself.

- No, no. I can't ask you to do that. -Yeah.

Yeah, well, I don't want to pick up a newspaper

five years from now and read about how they found

a skeleton holding a purse with a thousand Sweet & Law's in it.

- Now, come on. Come on, come on. -Oh...

Pick up the pace. Come on.

John should be back any minute.

You know, the restaurant's right around the corner.

I think you'll like it.

Uh, it's French. Kind of.

Oh, what better way to kick off three weeks in Provence

than "kind of French food" in the Bronx.

Donna, I know we're going to France,

but that doesn't mean you have to practice being rude.

Fine. You wait for your friend, I'll go to the bathroom.

You do have a bathroom?

You mean inside?

Well, you're in luck. We just put one in.

How nice.

L-I'm really sorry.

She's not always like this.

No, no, I meant John being late.

Oh.

Then who am I kidding? She's a pain in the ass.

Okay, I have searched every file in every directory.

Nothing's coming up.

What's he saying?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

What's he saying? What's he saying?

He's saying that whoever's talking

in the background should be quiet.

Can you believe that? He's trying to help you,

and someone over there in his office won't shut up.

Oh... oh.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Okay.

There it is! There it is!

You found it!

As you may have heard, we found it.

Thank you.

Oh, Margaret, Margaret, we did it!

Thank God we did it!

If, by "we," you mean one of us screwed up

and the other one of us fixed it,

then yes, you're right, we did it.

And now for the lecture...

After all these years, you would think that

you'd learn to take some pride in what you do.

I do... sometimes.

Well, you didn't at 6:23 on Friday night

when you screwed up and almost lost this file.

6:23 on a Friday? Are you high?

I'm so gone by then.

You're the only one who stays that late.

Margaret, I didn't lose this file.

You did.

Well, why harp on who did what, when?

I'm going to make some tea.

Would you like a cup?

Oh, no.

That might work in China, but not here.

You were so ready to believe this was my fault,

you even had me convinced.

Okay, Linda, I'm sorry.

Not good enough!

Yes, I do screw up,

but I also do a lot of good things around here.

I'm the one who draws pictures

with the little kids when they're scared.

I'm the one who talks to the old people when they're lonely.

And why do you think we have so many young male patients?

Because I've got an ass like a 16-year-old boy,

which, for some reason, guys seem to like.

Okay, I know I come down hard on you sometimes,

and I guess you do make a lot of contributions to this office,

and I'm sorry I never noticed it.

Thanks, Margaret.

That really means a lot.

- Good night. -Good night.

Oh, and by the way, I may have misplaced

the results of somebody's blood test.

You did? Whose?

- Is Mr. Moretti still alive? -Yeah.

Then never mind, I'm good.

See you later.

Hey, John, it's Jake.

Uh, just in case you didn't get any of my last 25 messages,

uh, let-let me leave you another one.

Where are my damn tickets?!

Problem there, Stevie?

You seem a little "uptight and outta sight."

I can't imagine what's keeping John.

Well, there is one benefit, I guess, of being here:

We can cancel that tour of the Paris sewers.

It's redundant now.

Did, uh... did John ever tell you

about the time back in med school,

we stole this cadaver...

And the police pulled him over and didn't know he was dead.

God, how many times do I have to hear this story?

Well, well, I haven't heard it.

What happened to the cadaver?

I married it.

That's it. You can stay with the waitress.

I'm going to Paris and shop my ass off.

Actually, I'm gonna shop your ass off.

I would ask you to give John my regrets,

but it seems I'm taking them to Paris.

If I ever see John again, I'm gonna kill him.

I ran home, changed my clothes, come back,

and then I'm stuck here with Dickey and "The Witch."

And then he doesn't even have the decency to call.

Swear he never thinks of anyone but himself.

Okay, you said you wanted to get to Chambers Street,

we're at Chambers Street.

Now all you have to do is follow the signs

that say "to street."

Think you can manage that?

Yes.

And thank you for everything.

Yeah, yeah. Now, if you don't mind,

I'm going to go catch an uptown train

and try to salvage what's left of my evening.

What's wrong now?

I can't do it.

It's-it's not that hard.

You just go toward the light.

He would have been 40 today.

Who? Wh-Who would have been 40?

My son.

R's funny.

He got to work early that morning

and called me just to chat...

about dinner that weekend,

a trip he was planning...

the weather.

It was such a beautiful September day.

He said he could see practically all of Manhattan

from his office.

He loved that view.

Then he had to go to a meeting.

Didn't even say good-bye.

Just said he'd call me later.

I did the dishes.

I made coffee.

And then I...

...just happened to turn on the TV.

Ever since, I've thought of all the things

I would have said if I'd...

known I'd never talk to him again.

I'm so sorry.

I've been telling myself to come down here ever since...

since it happened.

Now I finally made it, and...

I can't go up there.

I'm afraid to look and...

...and see all that emptiness.