Original subtitles

Oh, I hate the cold.

It cuts right through your clothes

and chills you to the bone.

My hands are like ice.

- Here, feel. -Aah! Put those away!

What's the matter with you?

Oh, sorry.

You're in a lovely mood.

Well, now, why do women do that?

"My hands are cold. Feel."

"My breasts are cold. Feel"?

Gee, I don't know.

I'll bring it up at the next meeting.

I'll tell you why I hate winter.

It's dishonest.

Sure, it comes on all white and beautiful,

and then it's five months of dirty slush,

and everyone is in the foulest mood.

God, I love this weather!

Ha! Whoo!

Boy, not only is it cold and flu season,

which is a doctor's meat and potatoes,

but it's all those cold weather injuries.

Snowball concussions,

sleds into trees, hot chocolate in the lap.

It's like a winter wonderland out there.

Man, it's cold out there.

Uh, is... is that Hector?

I'm not sure.

Uh, how many sweaters are you wearing?

One for each pair of pants.

The heater in my Jeep is broken, which doesn't matter because

I'm going to have to sell it. I can't afford the payments.

Well, you know, it's your own damn fault.

You should just get a job already.

I mean, you didn't even look during Christmas.

What do you mean, like being Santa?

I tried that last year.

You wouldn't believe

how many parents give their kids juice

while they're waiting in line.

By the end of the day, I smelled like a cat blanket.

Okay, who's heard enough?

Ah, wow.

Look at this beautiful ad for Bermuda.

Oh, the sun, the palm trees.

People walking hand in hand on a beautiful deserted beach.

Hey, we should go.

- What? -Yeah, yeah. No, I mean it.

I'm getting over the flu. I could use a vacation.

Hey, I could go online. I could book us a trip.

We could be there in a couple days.

What, you crazy? Oh, come on.

Who just picks up and goes, like,

-the last minute like that? -Hey.

People who want to have fun and are spontaneous.

People who want a little romance in their lives.

What does that have to do with us?

Well, apparently nothing.

Why are you being so resistant to this?

I'm not being resistant. I...

I'm just saying

it's never as pretty as it looks;

the rooms are small;

the beaches are packed; kids pee in the swimming pool;

mosquitoes, sunburn, sand mites...

Well, you forgot about the pirates.

You mock, but they still exist, pal.

Oh, come on.

Ah, just forget it. Forget it.

I'm sorry I brought it up.

- I just thought it would be fun. -What? No, no, look.

It's not that I don't want to go.

It's just, come on, be realistic.

You got to plan these things months in advance.

Otherwise, you know, they cost you a fortune.

What if I could get us the trip for cheap?

Ah, the magic words.

Say, for like, uh, $200 each. Would you go?

Oh, if he won't go, take me.

Bermuda?

- Mm-hmm. -For 200 bucks?

Yeah, all right, fine, I'll go.

Sure. Why not?

You'll see, John. It'll be romantic.

You know, we might even find one of those nude beaches.

Yeah, right, with all those droopy breasts and hairy backs.

Not the ones I've been to.

What?

Occasionally I like to go au naturel.

Again, who's heard enough?

So you really think this guy is perfect for me?

What does he look like?

Is he cute?

Is he tall?

Is he...

vomiting a lot?

He's not? Oh, good.

Well, call back if he does.

Bye-bye.

Linda, give it up.

You're not being paid to arrange blind dates over the phone.

Blind date? Please.

I'm not that desperate.

That was my psychic.

And she told me that in two days

I'm going to meet the man of my dreams.

Psychics?! Oh! Those people are all fakes.

Nuh-uh.

She was very specific about how I would meet him.

She said that she saw the letter "M,"

and "M" is the 13th letter of the alphabet,

and everyone knows 13's an unlucky number.

And, every Thursday night,

I have a drink at a bar called...

Are you ready for this?

Lllckyg?

No, Friday's.

And Friday the 13th is unlucky.

So can I leave early Thursday? Thanks.

You're welcome, and no,

you may not leave early Thursday, because I am.

It's my anniversary,

and Lewis is giving me a very special present.

He's leaving town.

Lewis gets a golf trip with his brother,

and I get four blissful days without Lewis.

So, your staying home alone is more important

than me meeting my soul mate and the father of my children?

Well, what do you know?

You're psychic, too.

Look, I'll admit

peeing your name in the snow is good drunken fun

if your name is, like, Joe Smith.

But if it's ten below

and your name is Stanislav Kabacinski,

you know, you're just a...

you're just a case of frostbite waiting to happen.

Ooh, what did you treat him with?

Gloves.

Pack your bags, John.

We're going to Bermuda.

- What? Oh, you're kidding me. -No.

I went on this Web site.

There was a last-minute cancellation.

We go in two days.

Oh, you know, I know I said that I would go,

but, you know, I didn't think this through.

L-I have patients.

Oh, we can always call the referral service

and have them send over a doctor to cover for you.

Thank you, Margaret.

You're so helpful.

- That takes care of your patients. -No, I...

Look, I don't have the right clothes.

L-I don't have shots. I don't have a passport.

You don't need a passport.

- They just let anybody in? -Uh, look...

Look, John, you promised,

if I could get a deal on this trip, you'd go.

Well, I worked my butt off to get one,

so you better get your black socks,

your Bermuda shorts

and your bony knees on that plane.

Ooh, there's a picture I could've done without.

Hey, do you mind if I, uh, drop this stuff off here?

I don't want to lug it all the way to the office.

I'll be back to pick you up after work.

Uh, John, what did you pack?

We're only going away for four days.

Oh, here... let me, uh... let me show you here.

Just a, uh, few of the necessities.

- Macadamia nuts, Snickers, -Yeah. Yeah.

- Toblerone, cashew nuts... -Yeah.

Why are you bringing all this stuff?

They have a minibar in the hotel.

Yeah, sure they do, but at ten times the price.

This-this two-dollar candy bar right here--

15 bucks in the room.

He's right.

I once did the math on a can of hotel cashews.

- Buck-50 a nut, hand to God. - Yeah.

Oh, look, what,

you're going to bring all your own food and eat it there?

No, no, no-- that'd be silly.

No, I'm going to eat theirs and replace it with mine.

Why?

A $15 chocolate bar?

Come on. it tastes better. Use your head.

Oh, man, it's freezing out there.

Hey, Jake, just so you know,

Hector's going to be running the place while I'm gone.

You mean if you're gone. I just heard on the news

there might be a snowstorm coming through.

Snow? Wh-When's it going to snow?

- Coffee? -Yeah, yeah, thanks.

Well, you-you know, we'd better get to the airport early.

Uh, you know, I can't do that.

L-I have patients scheduled to the end of the day.

You know, you're worrying about this too much.

Those idiot weather people are always wrong.

I don't know. That really cute one

on Channel 2 is pretty accurate.

What, did-did she say when it's gonna start?

Is she the one that used to be a stripper?

Wh-Wh-When? Today? Tonight? What...?

Yeah, I love it when she leans over

and shows you Florida.

- When is the damn snow coming? - Hey, hey, hey.

Come here, come here, come here.

Hey, you...

if you're going to worry about this trip

and stress out like that, you know,

I think maybe we ought to think about not going.

I mean, I know I'm all packed and ready to go,

but this is not about me. You're my priority here.

All right, I tell you what. It's settled. We're staying.

- We're going. -Okay, we're going.

See how, uh, spontaneous I am?

It's definitely coming down harder.

That man on the corner with no legs

is almost completely covered up.

Lewis, I don't care if there is a travel advisory.

The odds of the bus skidding off the road are... minimal.

Now... no, you get back on that bus right now,

and you go visit your brother.

I don't want to see your face when I get home.

I love you, too.

This is so cruel.

Somewhere out there is the man of my dreams,

and instead of being wrapped in his arms,

I'm stuck in here with you.

Yeah, well, I've got an empty house, a big-screen TV

and a bottle of Merlot waiting for me,

and I'm stuck here with you.

There are no patients.

Why are we stuck here?

Yeah.

It's snowing!

- We have to leave! -Now!

N 'NOW! - o; no, J I.

Nobody's leaving.

John, there's only an hour to go,

and you don't have any more appointments.

You know what? You do what you want.

- No... -We are leaving. -Cool.

Oh, yeah, sure, yeah, just forget about me.

Bye.

Yeah, forget about the patients.

You know, just run out of here

'cause a couple of flakes are coming down.

- Okay, see ya.

See, right there. Look at that.

That's probably an emergency.

Thank God I'm still here.

At least somebody cares about the patients.

Oh, What is it?

Oh. Hey, hey, Chris, uh...

What? No, no. Come on.

Don't be silly. Look, we don't have to leave early.

There's not gonna be a storm.

Whoa! Geez! Whoa!

Whew!

What?

Ha! All right, so maybe...

maybe we should have left a little earlier.

You think?

John, you're getting off pretty easy.

I mean, most women would be so pissed off at you right now...

I told you this would happen!

Ah, there it is.

But did you listen? No. No.

Now we'll probably never get to the airport,

which is exactly what you wanted anyway.

How can you say that? Look, I was packed and everything.

But, you know, maybe it's not too late.

Maybe you can still get out of here.

Oh, shut the door! Oh!

Oh, nothing is moving out there!

You can't get a cab. The buses aren't running.

And they even shut down the airport.

Happy?

Only a few subway stops away

is the man I'm supposed

to spend the rest of my life with,

and I can't even get to him.

It's just like that movie about the guy who was in love

with that beautiful woman,

only he couldn't get to her because of this big snowstorm.

Dr. Zhivago?

No, it's the one in Russia.

Dr. Zhivago.

No. There was also, like, a revolution in it

or something.

Dr. Zhivago!

What's the difference?

It's just a movie.

This is my life! This is real!

Hey, hey, come on.

It's not so bad. You know, so... so we, um...

we don't get to go to Bermuda.

The-the good thing is that we're...

you know, we have each other.

I know what. Why don't we stay home

and, uh, you know, rent a video or something?

Maybe something tropical like, um...

Dr. Zhivago?

You know what? Your choice. You go ahead.

You know what?

I refuse to accept this.

Our connecting flight leaves tonight from Atlanta.

There has got to be a way to get there,

and I am gonna find it.

Oh, give it up!

What?

I said... you never give up.

That's what I love about you.

Well, this blows.

The love of my life is out there,

and I'll never meet him.

You know, I can't take just sitting here anymore.

There's got to be something we can do.

Hey, you know, sometimes you just got to accept

that a situation is beyond your control.

Nothing you can do about it.

Get your suitcase, John.

We're going to Bermuda.

What? No, we're not.

I mean, we are? Oh, good. Well, good.

All we have to do is get to Penn Station.

We get on a train to Philly.

From there, we hop on a flight to Atlanta, which gets us in

an hour before our connecting flight to Bermuda.

Uh, one problem.

How do we get to Penn Station?

I don't know. I-l did all the hard part.

You think of something.

Man, it's really snowing out there.

I got to keep moving my Jeep, or it's going to get plowed in.

Can I get some hot chocolate?

No, no, no, you got to get your Jeep

and take me to Penn Station.

You have to take me home.

You have to take me downtown.

Take me first.

Take me.

No, do me first. Please, please!

Wow.

Three women screaming, "Do me first."

I've had this dream.

Relax, ladies.

I'll take you all where you need to go.

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

My Jeep is parked right outside.

Ah-ah. I'll be right back.

I'm just going to get my suitcase.

Hey, Jake, come with me.

Yeah, you want company for the ride back?

No, I need you so I can park in the handicapped spot.

All right.

Say, uh... can I drive?

Why not? You can't see anything out there anyways.

- Come on, John. - Whoa, it's cold!

Whoo!

Let's go.

You're not moving.

How-how come you're not moving?

I don't... I don't want to go.

What?

You agreed to go on this trip.

Yeah, only 'cause I thought we never would.

And then, when you got the tickets,

I thought, all right, I might as well go,

even though I didn't want to.

And then, when it started to snow

and it looked like, you know, we couldn't go,

I was okay with that because, as I may have mentioned,

I didn't want to go.

Now that it looks like,

you know, that we're actually going,

I feel like I have to tell you:

- I don't want to go.

So what are you saying,

you don't want to do anything different?

You want to just stay stuck in the same old rut?

I like my rut.

That's why I made it.

You know, well, that may work for you,

but that is not how I want to live my life.

Now, look, every once in a while,

I like to try something different.

To try a new restaurant, go to a party

and yes, even take a trip.

So you better give me a reason

why you don't want to go on this vacation,

and it better be a damn good one.

I like you.

I like you, too.

It's been nice chatting.

- Now, get off your ass and let's go. -No, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Sit, sit.

Look, all right, all right, all right.

Here it is.

Look, I... I don't do well on vacations.

I mean, here we're good

because we have these buffers, you know--

other people, work, separate apartments--

but there, it's just going to be the two of us,

in the same room together, you know, for a long time.

I'm afraid, after two or three days

of just being with me, you're gonna...

you're gonna hate me.

Oh, John.

- Well, you know... -John... oh...

I hate you now.

Look, let's just go.

It'll be fine.

No, hey, come on. Trust me.

You know, it's happened before.

Girlfriends, a wife or two.

And it always started out great

until my first vacation with them,

and then it all fell apart.

Of course, I blamed them, but then...

you know, it occurred to me after some soul-searching

and after enough people said it right to my face,

that the one negative in all my relationships is me.

Look, John...

If we can't spend four days together,

we don't have a relationship.

We might as well find that out now.

So do we go or not?

You realize we're risking everything we have.

Look, hey, I understand what you're afraid of, okay,

and-and I'm touched that you have the honesty

to share that with me,

but if you don't get up

and come with me right now, I will kill you.

And they will not find your body

till it thaws in the spring.

Wow. Hey, you know...

first death threat, we're not even on the plane.

Should be a great trip. Oh, yeah, great trip.

Hey, Chris.

Hey, how was your trip?

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, did you make it to Bermuda?

Yes, yes, we did.

So did you have a good time?

I don't want to talk about it!

- Oh, Chris, you're back. -How was it?

She doesn't want to talk about it.

Well, did you make it to Bermuda?

She said she didn't want to talk about it.

Gee, Chris, you don't have to bite my head off.

Okay.

So, Linda, did you ever meet your soul mate?

Nah. I waited at that bar for hours, but nothing.

I ended up talking to the bartender all night.

G reat g UV-.

Really cute.

We had so much in common.

In fact, we're going out to dinner tonight.

Oh, so that psychic was right.

You did meet the man of your dreams.

No, he never showed up.

No, but, Linda, don't you see, the bartender was...

Oh, never mind.

So how was you weekend without Lewis?

It was the strangest thing. I missed him.

And then he came home.

Hey. everybody.

Hi, John.

Hey, Dr. Becker.

You feeling any better there, Chris?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

John, she won't tell us anything about the trip.

- Was it that bad? -No, let's just drop it.

- Yeah, what did you do? -I didn't do anything.

Why do you assume that I ruined our vacation?

Come on. Come on. Tell them what happened.

Please.

Well, fine, fine.

We, uh, got the train to Philly,

then took the plane to Atlanta,

we made it to Bermuda, and then we came home.

Why do I feel like she's leaving something out?

Because she is. All right, here, here.

I'll tell you what happened.

Okay, we got there, right, and it was beautiful.

I mean, you get off the plane, and a wave of warm

perfumed air just washes over you.

And then you get to the hotel, and the first thing they do

is they give you a drink in a coconut shell.

I mean, I've never tasted anything like that.

It was... it had rum and grenadine and...

and then some other exotic taste.

What-what was that?

Orange juice.

Really? Orange juice.

Oh, man. Anyway, we-we sucked that down,

and then I, uh... I go to, uh, check in,

and then Chris, who's just so excited to be there,

she kicks off her shoes, runs across the lobby

to go jump in the pool.

--With all her clothes on?

Yeah, with all her clothes on

because that's just how spontaneous she is.

- That sounds like fun. -Oh, it looked fun, too,

right until she hit that patch on the marble floor

where, uh, somebody had spilled one of those coconut drinks.

Man, she went down like a sack of...

well, coconuts, you know.

I've never seen an ankle swell up that fast.

You're kidding.

Oh, my God. You poor thing.

That must have ruined your whole vacation.

It did. It did.

I spent four days in a hotel bed

flat on my back, whacked out on Vicodin.

But what did you do?

I got her the Vicodin.

And I, uh...

wiped the drool from around her face

every once in a while.

Anyway, you know, she passed out.

There wasn't much to do, so I hit the beach.

Man, I tell you, I had a great time.

I parasailed.

I slept.

Yeah, I snorkeled.

I slept.

- I swam with dolphins. -Oh, shut up!

Oh, I spent four days in Bermuda,

and I didn't even know I was there.

And my cold is back. Damn you.

- What are you mad at me for? -Because you didn't

even want to go. If anyone should have

gotten hurt, it should have been you.

Well, that's a terrible thing to say.

Oh, hey, the best part about this,

the manager felt so bad--

apparently he was afraid of a lawsuit,

which I may or may not have threatened--

anyway, uh, he, uh... he decided

to comp the entire vacation.

And here's the best part:

He gave us a voucher for next year.

- I cannot wait to go back. -Wow.

"I cannot wait to go back."

What a story, huh?

I mean, here I was worried to go on a vacation

with the woman I cared about,

and it turns out it was no problem.

The woman just has to be unconscious. That's all.

I hate you!

Oh, come on, now. That's just the drugs talking.