Original subtitles

Last time on Becker...

- John? -Yeah?

I love you.

What'd you just say?

I love you.

You know, I've been thinking about you all...

I can't get you out of my mind.

I've been dreaming about you.

Well...

I guess this means I-I-I think I love you, too.

No. I-l do.

My God, I love you.

And how are we feeling?

I love you.

Ready to 9°'?

I love you.

I love you, too.

I love you.

One shot of Demerol, they love everything.

That's weird. The lights are out.

Who's that?

Someone's robbing the diner. Hey!

Please, just take all the money.

Just don't hurt me. I have a wife and five kids.

- Jake? -Is that you?

Margaret? Linda?

What are you doing back there?

I'm setting up the register for Chris.

And, might I say, putting on a remarkable show of bravery.

Your wife and five kids

-would be very proud of you. -Okay, okay.

All right, just-just leave me alone, all right?

And wh-why would you sneak up on a guy like that?

Well, we didn't know it was you.

What happened to your hair?

Where are your dreadlocks?

I sold them.

You sold your hair?

Listen, I was behind on my rent.

This wig place offered me 500 bucks for them.

Is it hideous?

- Uh-uh. No. Mm-mm. -No. Not at all.

- Morning, everyone. - Hey.

- Welcome back, Chris. - Chris, Chris!

Chris, how are you feeling?

- Oh... -Yeah, we heard what happened.

I'm okay, I'm okay. Hey.

I just had an appendectomy.

I've been recuperating a few days. I felt fine.

- Oh, too tight, too tight. -Oh!

Anyway, John said I could come back to work.

Hey, Jake.

Oh, nice, uh... nice haircut.

Oh, you really like it?

Yeah, yeah, it looks nice!

So, what happened?

- Did you know you were that sick? -No, no, no.

I was feeling queasy all day,

but when I got home, it just got worse,

so I went downstairs to John for help

and puked on his shoes.

Too bad you didn't puke on the rest of his wardrobe.

Hey.

His clothes may suck,

but let me tell you, John was amazing.

He practically carried me to the hospital,

got me the best surgeon,

held my hand, told me I'd be okay.

You would be impressed at how compassionate he was.

U Yeah?!

I was not giving you a buck!

I was just reaching into your hat to get change for the meter!

Well, you kind of had to be there.

Where's that lazy bastard, Bob?

He was supposed to fix my sink.

- He's on vacation. -Since when?

I'm guessing since right after you asked him to fix your sink.

Ah... weasel.

- Nice haircut there, pal. -Really?

Yeah. A lot better than that Medusa thing

you had going on.

Oh, John, don't tell me you started smoking again.

- I swear, you... -Yeah, relax, will you?

It's candy. See? Mmm. Ha!

I got all the perks of smoking without the smoke,

and it's peppermint, so it makes my breath all minty.

Huh? Ha-ha! Yeah.

Hell of a stress reliever, too.

Chris! Coffee!

So, Dr. Becker, Chris told us what happened at the hospital.

What you did, the things that you said.

Oh, my gosh, she heard what I...

All right, look, look, let's get something straight.

When I said to Chris that I loved her...

see, what was I...

What?

You said you loved me?

Well... they said that you said that...

You said it first.

You said you loved him? Were you high?

Oh, hey. Thanks a lot.

As a matter of fact, she was whacked

- out of her head on Demerol. - Oh, oh.

- That's... Yeah, I imagine... - Oh, okay.

Wow, that's big.

Although, all I meant was that Chris told us

how you helped her at the hospital.

Oh.

Which, uh, does bring up an interesting point.

Chris was all drugged up when she said it to you,

but why did you say you loved her?

The woman was going into major surgery, you know.

She-she could've died.

I could've died?!

You said it was routine.

I lied to make you feel better, all right?

Which is exactly what I was doing

when I said that I loved you. I mean,

she's lying in bed, writhing in pain.

She looks up at me, and she says, "I love you."

What was I supposed to do? I said it back.

You know, that way, in case you didn't pull through,

you know, you'd at least die thinking that someone loved you,

which, while not being the truth, you know,

would have at least given you comfort in-in the last moments.

So you can see that it was purely an act

of compassion. There wasn't any, you know, love

or actual feelings behind it whatsoever.

So, are we good?

Good. Good.

I'll... I'll take that coffee.

To go. Now?! Plea... You know...

You do one nice thing, and it bites you in the ass.

Okay, Mr. Lewis, this antibiotic

ought to clear up that infection.

Just make sure you don't take it on an empty stomach.

Like that guy's ever had an empty stomach.

Okay, let's see what we got here.

Do you know how stupid that looks?

How many of those do you have in a day?

I don't know. 50 or 60.

Do you really think that much sugar is good for you?

Margaret, it's all just a horse race toward death.

Emphysema was in the lead.

I'm just giving diabetes a chance to catch up.

Do me a favor, I want you to call the lab

and get Mr. Newman's test results back.

Oh, I'd be happy to, John, because "I love you."

Look, look, if this is about Chris, again,

I think I've explained that.

She knows that I did not mean what I said.

It doesn't matter, John.

The words "I love you" are very powerful to a woman.

Yeah, but not to a man.

To a guy, "I love you" means nothing.

It's just a way to get out of trouble,

it's cheaper than flowers,

and it gets women into bed, that's all.

I hate it when he's right.

Those charts aren't gonna file themselves.

What difference does it make?

Eventually the patients will die,

then you'll die, then I'll die.

Don't be so sure it's gonna happen in that order.

I'm sorry, Margaret, but ever since I heard

that Chris could've died,

all I can think of is that it could have been me.

I mean, what's my life about?

The endless parties, the clubs, the one-night stands.

Oh, it's all pretty empty, isn't it?

No, it's amazing.

But one day it's gonna get old,

so I have to find some deeper meaning in my life.

Like you.

You seem to have this inner calm about you.

Well, thank you, Linda.

I just can't figure out where you get it.

I mean, you got a crummy job, your marriage stinks,

you're certainly not getting any younger.

- You got horrible... -My life is just fine,

and no matter what happens, whatever inner peace I have,

it comes from my faith in God

and knowing that he has a plan for my life.

This was God's plan for your life?

No disrespect, Margaret, but you got hosed.

Excuse me, do you have any jobs available?

Sorry.

Okay! Now I can tell Unemployment

I have officially looked for work.

- Coffee to go, please. -Okay.

Hey, man, you look familiar. What's your name?

- Who, me? -Yeah.

Jake Malinak.

I knew it! From Bayside, right?

I'm Hector Lopez. You used to hang with my brother Jimmy.

Oh, right. Little Hector!

Man, I haven't heard that in a long time.

Come on, sit down. How you been?

Good. Hey, I heard you went blind. Oh...

Sorry.

I mean, you are blind, right?

You could be wearing shades inside

to look hip, but...

but with that haircut, I just assumed...

Okay, yeah, you heard right, you heard right.

Yeah, I'm blind.

How about you?

Me? I can see great.

No, no, Hector, I meant what-what do you do?

Oh.

I got a lot of irons in the fire.

Unemployed?

Yeah.

But that's just temporary.

Got a lot of big ideas.

Oh, that's right, I remember...

I remember, you always had a million scams as a kid.

Yeah, you'd steal all your parents' stuff,

and then sell it to all the kids in the neighborhood.

Yeah, cigarettes, liquor, condoms.

Hey.

Those weren't scams. Those were business ventures.

Oh...

Besides, got a baby sister out of it.

Uh, here's your coffee. That'll be a buck.

You know, I'm a little short this week.

- Jake, you get this one. -What the...?

No, no. I insist. I'll get you back

next time you see me.

Sorry.

You know what, Chris?

Can you pour me some coffee?

You've got to be kidding me!

Fine, just tell me where it is, I'll get it myself.

No, no, no, I, uh... I got a bill from the hospital.

It's almost $3,000, and that's after insurance.

Where-where am I gonna get that kind of money?

Well, you could always sell your hair.

And wind up looking like an idiot?

Oh, man.

Oh, good, you're here. Look, John, I really need

to talk to you about the hospital.

Hey, hey, will you... would you let it go?

Look, Curly, I didn't mean what I said to you, all right?

So just quit harping on it, and go indulge

your little schoolgirl fantasies someplace else.

Um, uh, John, I think she was talking about her hospital bill,

not the fact that you love her.

- Oh. -Mm-hmm. Smooth.

John, look at this bill.

It's almost $3,000, and I don't even understand

half of these charges.

I mean, what is... what is "thermometric evaluation"?

That's hospital-speak.

It means they took your temperature.

You're kidding!

And what-what about this?

$150 for "environmental assessment and intervention."

Means they cleaned your room.

Oh, my God. I mean, this is robbery.

Of course it is.

That's why they drug you and stick you

in a paper dress with your ass hanging out.

So you... so you don't march down

to the billing office and question them.

I could have died and my ass was hanging out?

You know, I'm gonna do something about this.

It just, it makes me so mad.

- That's so cute. -What?

The way you ball up your little fists like that.

It's like you're actually gonna do something.

Yeah, I am going to do something.

No, you're not. You don't have the kind of anger it takes

to fight a bureaucracy like that.

Oh, you'll make a few calls.

You might even think about writing an angry letter,

which you won't, and then you'll end up sending them

one of those cute little checks of yours

with the kittens on 'em.

Well, that's where you're wrong.

I got new checks.

Puppies?

No. Ducks.

Very angry ducks.

What are you doing?

You're in early and you're reading?

I don't know which makes less sense.

Shh. I'm studying.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Religion?

There's a spiritual void in my life, Margaret.

I thought that's why you go shopping.

My closet's full, but my soul is empty.

Where'd you get that?

My Closet's Full, But My Soul Is Empty.

That's why I'm checking out different religions.

You're a Baptist, right?

What do you guys do?

Well, we do charity work.

And on Sunday we go to church, we pray...

Pray for what?

Oh, help, guidance,

-answers... -To what questions?

- Like, uh, "What's my purpose?" -Do you get answers?

- Not exactly, but... -Well, then why do you pray?

Because it makes me feel good, and...

Yeah, but it could be pointless.

For all you know, God's up there going,

"I wish these people would just shut up and leave me alone."

- God wouldn't do that. -Yeah, but how do you know?

Because I have faith.

But you don't really know.

What if there is no God and we're all living

in this big, empty universe?

- That is not what I believe. -Yeah, but you don't know.

Yeah, but I feel that...

It doesn't matter what you feel.

You have no proof, right? Right?!

That's right! I have no proof.

That's why it's called faith.

It goes beyond rational understanding.

I believe what I believe because it gives me inner peace!

Wow.

So you believe whatever nonsense

they tell you, and that makes you happy.

That's deep.

Thanks, Margaret.

Ew, it stinks in here.

What are you doing?

I forgot it was candy, and I lit it.

Well, what does it matter if it's candy or not?

I thought you quit.

I did. It's just I forgot,

and I was thinking about something.

Something you want to talk about?

No.

Mm-hmm.

It's about that thing I said to Chris.

What exactly did you say?

I don't know. Something like,

"I love you. My God, I love you."

- You said that out loud? -Well...

I didn't mean it.

The thing is, I didn't exactly not mean it.

I mean, I do sort of like her.

I just don't know what to do about it.

Well, why don't you just put on your big boy pants

and ask her out already?

You know, after two divorces,

I don't know if I have another relationship in me.

You know, the daily crap, the compliments, the...

all the garbage you have to remember.

Birthdays, the color of her eyes, what...

what she does for a living.

You know what? I give up.

You know what? Just do what you want to do.

Ask her out, don't ask her out. I...

But if I don't, then I could end up

stuck with me the rest of my life.

Well, then talk to her.

What am I supposed to say?

Well, tell her how you feel, and then hope that she is

sad, lonely and desperate enough to feel the same way about you!

It's so frustrating.

I got a million great ideas.

I just don't have the start-up money.

All I need is 5,000 bucks.

Maybe six.

Ten tops.

No more than 15.

Hector, look-look at me.

All right? Are you looking at me?

I can't. It creeps me out.

All right, then j-just listen, okay?

I have no money, and if I did have money,

I wouldn't give it to you.

Damn, man, just get a job.

Work? Not my style.

Jake, I'm going down to the hospital

to complain about my bill.

Lock up and drop this deposit off at the bank.

- Okay. -You know...

before you put that money into something silly,

like a bank,

why don't we take this down to Atlantic City,

put it all on black and double our money.

And just when did this become "our" money?

You're right.

Your money, my idea.

Sorry, Jake, you're out.

Who are you? Do we have an appointment?

Actually, no, but I...

How did you get past my secretary?

She said you were unavailable,

so I snuck past her when she took a pee break.

Damn!

no more staff pee breaks.

Look, look, I-l won't take much of your time.

L-I was a patient here, and, uh...

Oh, a patient. Get out.

No, no. Last week, I had my appendix out, and...

Oh, my God, we didn't leave anything in you, did we?

Scalpel, sPOHQE?

'Cause even if we did,

you're still going to have to prove it's ours.

The operation went fine,

something apparently you don't hear that often.

This is about my bill.

Oh, your bill. Get out.

No, no. I will not.

Now, look, there are some charges on this bill

that are totally ridiculous.

I mean, $75 for a "low-calorie electrolyte supplement"?

It's Jell-O.

Oh, you figured that one out, huh?

That was mine.

And you're bragging about it?

You're cheating people.

Of course I am.

Who in his right mind would pay 75 bucks for Jell-O?

Yeah, but it's immoral.

And it's just plain Jell-O.

At least my mother cut bananas into it.

Great. Next time, have your mother take out your appendix.

Now, get out.

No, no, no, I will not.

Now, look, I-l made a list of the over-inflated charges,

and I demand that you take them off my bill.

No way. Get out.

I will not.

But, you know, I may just get a lawyer.

Oh, fine.

Take us to court.

We'll sue your ass off and then charge you to sew it back on.

Okay, now-now you have made me mad.

Oh, you're mad.

Well, in that case... get out.

Look, will you please stop saying that.

Now, now, Mister... Lerner,

you want to play hardball, I can play hardball, okay?

How about this? How about, what-what if I just don't pay?

.l.l m m?

You really got me on the run with that one.

Well, if you didn't pay,

uh, we could put a lien on your house, your car,

your savings, your business

and all your future earnings.

You'll end up broke,

homeless, rooting through our Dumpster,

praying that someone didn't eat their Jell-O.

You can't do that to...

You know, people have certain rights.

L-I could get a lawyer,

and-and... and-and... and-and I have a friend

who's a doctor, and-and they could come in here together,

and-and they...

Who do I make the check out to?

Bronx Metropolitan Hospital.

Nice puppies.

They're ducks.

I wasn't talking about the checks.

Oh, hey.

Hey. Hi.

I didn't see you down there.

What's going on?

Well, I know how much you love hearing this,

so I might as well just get it over with:

You were right.

Of course I was. What are we talking about?

I went down to the hospital.

You got nothing, right?

Oh, no, I wouldn't say that.

I got humiliated.

It was awful.

I mean, I-l tried... l-l tried being nice,

I-I tried getting angry, I...

Did you make the fists?

Yes, I made the fists.

I threatened him. I said I'd get a lawyer.

In fact, about the only thing I didn't do was come on to him.

--Maybe I should have done that.

Maybe I should have just sprawled across the desk

and looked in his eyes and said,

"I love you. My God, I love you."

Maybe that would've worked.

Wait a minute.

That's exactly what I said to you in the hospital,

word for word.

Really?

Oh, crazy coincidence.

Night-night.

Hold it! Hold on, hold... hold on.

You heard exactly what I said.

Which means the Demerol hadn't kicked in,

which means you meant it when you said you love me.

Okay, I said it.

But-but I didn't "mean it" mean it.

L-I was... I was in pain, I was scared,

and-and maybe for a second I went all girly

'cause you were taking care of me,

and-and in a weak moment I said...

the-the thing that-that I said.

Well, that-that's horrible.

You can't just say "I love you" to a guy.

Tho-Those are very powerful words.

They mean something.

- And then to lie about it. Oh, Chris. -Yeah...

Of course I lied!

I mean, you freaked me out with your "I love you.

My God, I love you."

I mean, on a scale of I-love-yous,

mine was like a two, and yours was a 50!

It was not, and I explained, I was just being a good doctor.

Oh, oh, it was a medical "I love you."

- Yeah, that's right. -Oh, well, fine, fine.

Just to set the record straight, I don't love you.

Well, I don't love you. I don't even know

what made me think I could like you!

You're so cute and sweet and nice and perky.

Oh, well, it's better than being a cranky old fart.

I'm not cranky. There are just certain things

that irritate me.

Yeah, everything irritates you.

You wouldn't know happiness if it bit you in the ass!

Oh, yeah, why don't you bite me in the ass?

Oh, why don't you bite yourself in the ass?

Your head's right there anyway.

Well, just go away, will you?

I'm going! Good night!

- Good night! -No... good night!

You want to have dinner with me sometime?

I'd love to!