All language subtitles for The.Politician.S02E06

In other news, the automatic recount

in the 27th State Senate District election

is in its third day

and is set to release
its final tally results this morning.

The automatic recount was triggered

by a final vote count on Election Day

that had
Senate Majority Leader Dede Standish

leading upstart environmental candidate
Payton Hobart

by only 23 votes,

well within the margin

that triggers a hand count
under New York State law.

Statements from both the Standish

and Hobart campaigns

insist that their candidates
will emerge the victor.

We turn now to Kyle Bernier,

who is out front of Standish headquarters,

where Payton Hobart is expected to meet

with Dede Standish
and election board officials any moment.

It's a tie.

- No fucking way!
- You have got to be kidding!

I am not kidding.

The New York State Elections Board
is not known

for its collective sense of humor.

We take our jobs very seriously.

Very seriously.

How is a tie even possible?

Well, it happens
when the same number of voters

- cast a ballot for each of you.
- I know! I am not a fucking imbecile.

What she means is, she was up 23 votes.

Where did those votes go?

Clearly, they never existed.

That tally was preliminary

and obviously an overcount in your favor.

It's quite common
for the initial count to not be

totally accurate.

- So, count them again.
- We did.

Still tied: 45,626 votes apiece.

Well, count them by hand!

It was a hand recount.

Two machine recounts and a hand recount,
all with the same result.

The board of elections
has officially certified this is a tie.

That decision is final.

You know what?
You know who probably didn't even vote?

James. I bet he stayed home out of spite.
Bet you a million bucks.

I busted my fucking ass,

and I am tied
with a fucking theater major?

After six years of working together,
he couldn't have shown up on the one day?

Who the fuck
with half a brain in their fucking head...

So

Let's talk next steps, hmm?

Anna.

Under New York State law,
we have two options,

but both campaigns have to agree.

We redo the election in ten days,

or we flip a coin.

We flip a coin?

I am going to throw myself
out that window.

Strictly speaking,
it does not have to be a coin flip.

We pored through the historical records,

and it's actually kind of funny

because you could decide it
any way you want.

In 2006,

there was a Democratic primary
for the 37th House of Representatives,

and Bryce Edgmon won that

with a coin flip.

- Heads.
- Yes!

Fuck!

In 2017,

there was a tie in a race
for Virginia House of Delegates,

so they put both names
into film canisters,

- and then they pulled it out of a bowl.
- David Yancey.

And in Indiana in 1891,

a tie for county treasurer

was decided by a footrace.

Thank Providence!

I'm going to, uh,
give you a moment to discuss.

I want a revote.

I am not throwing away
a 30-year political career

for some frigging coin toss.

Dede, you gotta stay calm.

Let's talk about the trend lines.

A month ago, we were up 30 points,

then ten.

Now, we're tied.

He's trending up, we're trending down.

In ten days,

he's gonna beat you.

But flipping a coin...

Let's do a revote, okay?
We can win this thing.

- Well, maybe.
- Maybe?

Maybe we could win a revote, but it's
probably less than a 50-50 chance.

- What?
- We got out every possible vote for you,

we still couldn't beat her.

And we'd struggle to repeat that turnout.
I mean, most of your voters are young.

Young people don't like voting,
and what they really don't like

is voting twice.

You think we have better odds
if we flip a coin?

Yeah, kinda.

Maybe we could get them to use, like,
a weighted coin.

One that always comes up heads.

No. I'm not cheating.

So, here's what we would like to suggest.

Let's honor this moment
in political history

with a commemorative coin.

One that my campaign is happy
to be responsible for fabricating.

We'll put my face on one side,
Dede's on the other.

We'll use that coin,
leave the rest to chance.

That's bullshit. You think
we're actually gonna let you make the coin

that decides the election?

God, that is just unbelievable!

Well, let's just do a revote.
We'd love to do a revote.

- Okay, that's fine.
- Great.

- Fine.
- Wait! That's not an official answer.

Hold it, I just have to text here.

My grandson has croup. Oh, God.

"Plenty of fluids,

steam."

And

send.

Oh, so sorry. He is the apple of my eye.

Okay.

Okay.

I propose

rock paper scissors.

What?

- Really?
- Really.

I mean, let's be honest.
You're not gonna win a footrace

or flipping a cheater-Payton coin.

Let's do the old roshambo!

Best two out of three.

- Right now?
- No, no, no, no. Friday, at noon,

so we have enough time to invite
the camera crews and the press.

Make it a big event.

I mean, this is so ridiculous,

but let's make it a thing.

Come on! It'll be fun.

Yay, democracy, yay, yay, yay!

Okay. Deal.

Deal.

There's an angle.

How do you know?

Hadassah would never suggest something
as out of the box as rock paper scissors

unless she had an angle.
She is a calculating

mmm... merciless operator, and I know that

because I'm a calculating, merciless
operator, and I would never suggest

a game of chance to decide
an entire election

unless I knew I could game the system.

We should hire a private investigator
and a team of psychiatrists

to do a psychological profile
on Dede Standish to determine

which option she's most likely to play.

She strikes me as a scissors kind of gal.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

We don't have time for any of that, okay?

We can't analyze the player,
we need to analyze the game.

How do we do that?

We need to talk to an expert.

Okay. Uh, hi, Ricardo.

You're... You're looking really good.
It's good to see you.

Uh, did you lose weight?

We heard that you were
doing theater in here.

That's nice.

Guys and Dolls.

But we had to cancel the show
'cause the guy playing Miss Adelaide

shanked the guy playing Nathan Detroit.

Probably not the first time
something like that's happened.

How's Infinity?

She told me
she was gonna come visit, but

she must be real busy.

She's... She's great.

She, um... She wrote a book.

We'd be happy to get you a copy.

On tape, if you prefer.

Now she's busy, uh, saving the planet.

Enough of the chitchat.

We need your help.

Teach us how to win
at rock paper scissors.

Roshambo.

You came to the right place.

On the inside, roshambo is life.

Everything's decided

through roshambo:

Property disputes,

settling beefs.

Winner!

There's even underground games
that the guards organize

for gambling purposes.

Oh!

You wanna know something?

I like being in prison.

Out in the world, I'm nobody.

Just some punk

with no job and a cool mustache.

But in here,

I'm like a duke

or a lord

or something.

You know why?

Because I figured out the secret
to always win at roshambo.

There is no strategy

to rock paper scissors.

- It's a game of chance.
- Tell that to the researchers

of the China State Key Laboratory
for Theoretical Physics.

They wrote a paper
on how humans make decisions

in non-competitive,

- noncooperative, strategic actions.
- English, Hadassah.

They had a few hundred students
play 60 games of rock paper scissors each

to see if any patterns emerged.

And, guess what?

They did.

I cracked the code.

When I first got here,

I played it real cool and quiet.

Roshambo!

Hands in pockets,
no eye contact,

never say yes to a favor.

But what I did do is watch.

And that's
when I started noticing patterns.

Men almost always start with a rock.

Of course they do.

It's their solution to everything:
Just bash it into submission.

But assuming Payton starts

with rock,

that means we win round one,

but this is best two out of three.

Well, here's where it gets juicy.

Research found

that if a player wins a round

they're more likely to play
the same play the next round.

So, if you win with paper,

you're feeling good about yourself,
and you wanna keep feeling good,

so you unconsciously choose paper again.

Okay, so what happens to the loser's play
after they lose?

If they lose two in a row,
they get fixated on what's beating them,

so they switch to the thing that will beat
what just beat them.

What?

Dede, this is so simple.

If you lose the first round,

you switch to the thing
that will beat what just beat you.

If you win, you should switch to the thing

that would win against the thing
that you played the first time.

I'm sorry, can you say
that last part again, more slowly?

If you win with rock,

play scissors.

If you lose with scissors,

play paper.

Jesus!

You guys wouldn't last five minutes
in prison!

This is brilliant,
but there's only one thing

that could throw a wrench
into this master plan.

Mmm?

What if Payton knows about this study
as well?

- What is he doing here?
- I called him.

This is a campaign emergency,

and I wanted everyone involved
to be here to figure out what to do.

Well, I fired him. For cause.

Sorry I went behind your back
and talked to the Times.

I made an executive decision, which,
considering the way

the race tightened on Election Day,
was probably really wise and productive.

Yes, one that you only made
because I called you out

for not being aggressive enough.

I don't know if I wanna work with someone
who can be baited into

an emotional action that easily.

Yes, because we are all just usually
so emotionally stable.

Enough.
Skye, you said it was an emergency.

If you think it's serious enough
to warrant James being here,

then James should be here.

Thank you.

An hour ago, I got a visit
from Infinity Jackson.

She gave me this.

Is that an official ballot box?

It's still locked.

Oh, my God.
This is a stolen ballot box.

Being in possession of this
is a federal crime, okay?

We have to get out of here
so we can maintain plausible deniability.

Wait, wait. How did Infinity get this?

I stole it.

Well, we stole it.

We being my secret climate action group

called the Climate Underground.

I wanted to call it
the Weather Underground,

but apparently, the name was taken

by some jerks who don't even care
about climate change.

Anyway, I came up with
the ballot-stealing idea all on my own.

I called it "Operation Steal our Planet

from the Boomers
Who are Trying to Kill It."

Mmm, aren't code names supposed to be,
like, shorter than that?

- Yeah, like, an acronym or something?
- Or be clever?

Can we get back to the crime
that could put us in jail for a decade?

Payton,

Dede Standish cannot win this election.

We are in a climate emergency,

and you are the only candidate
that can stop it, so...

I thought to myself, "Infinity",

how can you stop her
from winning this election?

I mean, you could assassinate her,

"but that feels extreme
even under these circumstances."

Yeah, I agree with that.
Assassination is never the answer.

Huh.

Then I realized,

this is a local election.

It'll be decided
by just a handful of votes.

What if we made sure

that a bunch of Standish votes
were never counted?

It could throw the election

to you.

How do you know that
is full of Standish votes?

I found the polling place
with the highest percentage of old voters.

I know that place.

We canvased it. When we asked
what they thought of the environment,

their response was,
because their grandchildren never visit,

they hope to leave behind
a hellhole for them to live in.

I read this study
by these Canadian scientists

that said old people
are more easily distracted

because a part of their brain called
the locus coeruleus is deteriorated,

so I knew it wouldn't take much
to draw their attention.

Also, if there's one thing

that old people cannot resist,

it's mimes.

There are probably 300 ballots
in this box.

That's more than enough
to give the election to Dede.

This is bad.

Oh, God, this is really bad.

Worse than when you didn't have cancer,

- and I didn't tell anyone.
- Th... That bad?

It's that bad, Infinity.
We are all going to jail.

I'm not.

I'd turn on all of you in a heartbeat.

You saw that election board.

They told us they don't have
a sense of humor, right?

Don't think you're gonna find stealing
their ballot box funny.

In fact, I think they'd probably find it
definitively unfunny.

Payton, we are at war.

The biggest,
most important war of all time.

Every single day counts.

Two years with you
with the power to do something

could be the difference
between life and death.

Our planet is being murdered
by people like Dede Standish.

Okay? This is

not a crime.

It's self-defense.

Okay, so? What are we gonna do?

Like it or not, we're in it now.

We could crack it open
and count the votes,

and if it helps us,
we turn it in anonymously,

and if not, we burn them.

Okay. Now that we've considered

the most dishonest version
of what we should do,

what are some other options?

We could just

leave it on the doorstep
of a police station,

like an unwanted baby.

And risk them using DNA and fingerprints
to find out who did it? Mm-mm.

Or we could do
a full Frank Capra integrity play

and hold a press conference
and tell the truth.

Yeah, and then I go to jail, so...

Oh, God, I need time to think.

There is no time.
We're in possession of stolen ballots.

Don't you think I know?
Do I look like an idiot?

I'll look after it.

I'd like to regain your trust.

If you'll let me.

I don't wanna know
where you're keeping them.

Nobody talks to each other or about this
until we can fix it.

Astrid, I never...

I never thanked you
for not causing any trouble for Payton

before the election.

It's probably just pregnancy hormones.

That's not true.

Our reaction to your baby news was cruel.

- I'm sorry.
- That's fine.

- It happens to me all the time.
- It's not because I'm pregnant.

Well, it is, but.

It's because...

I don't like the parents
that this baby is gonna have.

No, you and Payton will be great parents.

Pretty good ones, at least.

You'll definitely be better than mine.

I don't like who we've become.

What politics has turned us into.

Payton is exactly the same
as he's always been.

What it's turned me into.

I'm selfish,

I'm unkind,

I'm willing to cheat,

to... wreck lives, if necessary.

How do you know
that's not just who you are?

Politics hasn't changed you.

It just so happens to be the perfect job

for your particular moral
and ethical skill set.

I got into Harvard.

Payton didn't.

I was the one who told him to run
on the climate.

I was the one encouraging him
to play fair.

I've deferred my entire life to him.

Taken on his worst qualities to serve

his dreams,

and ego.

I can't argue with you there.
You've been his bitch since I met you.

Thank you for always speaking straight
to me.

My father always said
my coldness was my greatest asset.

Screw Payton.

Screw everyone.

We should just get out of this town
and never look back.

Running away isn't gonna help anything.

Running away was the best thing
I did with my life.

When I got far enough, I realized
I wasn't running from anything important,

I was running to the life
I actually wanted.

Is the fetus going with him?

I don't think so.

You know

uh, this may sound strange, Hadassah,

but even though Marcus lied to me,
I still feel terrible for him.

He's losing his wife, his home,

and his young, gay lover,
all in the span of a few days.

He'll probably lose his job, too.

Writing those papers for those students.

Please. He has tenure.

He could be murdering cats
on the Internet

and he'd still keep his teaching job.

- Oh, God.
- Look, it's the right thing, Dede.

Politically,
Marcus was gonna drag you down

like a tweed-blazered anchor.

But, personally,

he's a liar!

And he clearly leans very heavily

towards the gay end
of the Kinsey spectrum.

Clearly.

I am,

so tired, Hadassah, of the game.

You can't be tired of the game.

That's like saying
you're tired of breathing.

Or you're tired of the chicken parm
at Elio's.

You are the game.
You've been defined by the game

for four decades.

- What are you gonna do? Take up golf?
- No.

Or play Rummikub
at... at the nursing home?

You gonna join the board
of a bullshit start-up?

Oh, God, just saying those words
gives me the creeps.

Oh, so does staying the course.

You know I love governing.

It's the campaigning part of the job
that I never liked.

And one of the only things
that kept me going

was that I didn't have to worry
about running again. God.

Oh, my God.

Ugh.

It's a new world, Hadassah.

Since AOC,

no incumbent is safe.

We may win this,

but we've shown weakness.

No one is ever going to let us
run unopposed again.

You were excited.

You were excited about running

- for vice president.
- Yes, of course I was!

But you and I know
what makes that different.

We would be busting our asses,

flying around the globe on Air Force Two.

We would be negotiating giant deals
with major leaders.

I would be the first woman

to be this close to the presidency.

I just... It's a little different

than busting our asses

up in Albany

to try to pass some fucking bill

to get some light bulbs

- in some fucking street lamps.
- No.

You're not giving up yet.
You'll miss it too much.

The... The... The fame,
the respect, the driver.

The luggage tags

that say "Senate Leader Standish" on them?

And, woman to woman, I won't let you.

Look at those old farts in Congress.

Nothing but big, swollen prostates
and Brooks Brothers suits.

You don't see them walking away
because they're tired.

No! They hang on to power,

even if it means wetting themselves
at the State of the Union.

- Take a lesson.
- You...

Hadassah

this is gonna be good for you.

Yeah.

Just think

how a new candidate could recharge you.

You...

You've been with me for so long.

A fresh start will be good for you.

But I don't wanna work
for anybody but you.

I wanna keep going
until we go over the cliff.

Like Thelma and Louise.

I wanna win this,

you know I do,

but no matter what,

I'm sorry.

It's the last race I'm gonna run.

Made any progress?

I'm just playing out every possible
scenario in my mind.

Like a Choose Your Own Adventure book,
but every ending sucks.

To be, or not to be.

Exactly.

Oh, and the worst part of this is,
we didn't even make this mess.

It was thrust upon us.

Maybe.

Nobody asked Infinity
to steal that ballot box.

But

maybe we created
an environment of moral ambiguity

that made her think that
doing that for us was okay.

Alice, this is hard enough
without you blaming us for it.

I'm leaving...

Manhattan, this campaign

you.

I think that maybe

we are bad people.

No, that's not right.

I think that I've

become a bad person.

Because you're with me?

Yes.

I don't think that you're a bad person.

I think that you're indifferent

to morality and ethics.

I think that you struggle
with these kinds of ethical conundrums

because you think that you're supposed to,

but you only choose the side of light
when it means

that you'll still probably get
what you want.

That's not true.

Do you want examples?

When we go to the movies, you put
your jacket on the chair next to you

- to make sure no one else takes it.
- Uh, excuse me. Is someone sitting there?

Oh, yeah, I think so.
He just dropped his coat and ran out.

I think he's at concession stand.

Seriously?

That's the evidence
that I'm morally bankrupt?

That I don't want to share an armrest?

It's the principle.

We are members of a community
in a theater.

You are putting your comfort

over the comfort of every other member.

You also lie.

A lot.

You're always telling people
you can be somewhere, even if you can't.

And then you lie
about why you can't make it.

Yes. Yes, no, Rabbi, I know I promised
to attend Sukkoth services

in exchange for your endorsement.
Here's the thing.

Some shiksa waitress served me real bread
instead of gluten-free bread

at breakfast today, and I'm
in the worst gastrointestinal distress,

and... yeah. Uh-huh. Yes, exactly.

Serves me right for being born Ashkenazi.

Okeydokey, thank you for understanding.

That's not lying, that's politics.

You promise everything,

and then you embellish
when you can't follow through.

For God's sakes, Alice, people expect me
to lie to them about that stuff.

How about the fact
that this office has been stealing Wi-Fi

from the Indian restaurant downstairs
since we moved in?

We're running
on a shoestring budget here. Okay?

If we win, I'll report the Wi-Fi
to the FEC as an in-kind contribution.

There's always a rationalization
for everything.

Don't you see that
that's why Infinity thought

it was okay to steal the election for you?

That she was just following your lead
and rationalizing away any guilt?

Just like you did when you put her life
in danger in high school.

Just like you did

when you didn't turn around to look at me
when we passed each other in the hall.

Is that what this is all about?

Have you really not forgiven me
for that yet?

You know
that's the biggest regret of my life.

It's that.

It's also the fact
that I have been there

for every one of those things.

I'm an even worse rationalizer
than you are.

I... I have turned to the dark side

and lost any concept of a moral code
for anything.

I mean, at least you can tell yourself
you're doing it for your dream.

Our dream. Our dream.

No, your dream.

I don't even know what mine is.

Okay.

So then, let's figure out what that is.

Right? And then...
And then, I promise you,

I will do everything in my power
to make that come true. Okay?

I owe you that.

After the election.

Yeah, of course.

And what if

my dream interferes with yours?

Are you willing to put yours on hold
to make mine come true?

But why would we have to do that?

I'm asking if you would.

Yeah, yes, yeah.
Absolutely, yes.

Okay?

I'm not some rabbi looking for you
to come to temple

in exchange for an endorsement.

Okay. Yeah, just go. Just walk out.

You got practice leaving men
as things are about to get serious.

I left Thad for you!

You're the one
who wanted to bring Astrid into our bed

so that you could shut her up, okay?
You're no better than I am!

You're right.

But leaving you is the only way
I can be certain.

Goodbye, Payton.

I didn't come
all the way across the country

to watch you starve yourself.

I'm in a constant state of nausea.

I've never experienced
this complicated a moral dilemma.

Or is it an ethical dilemma?
I can never remember the difference.

Ethics are the rules
that social systems provide us,

and morals are the principles
which we govern ourselves by.

That's why I'm struggling.

Am I confused about
what I'm supposed to do

because the culture says
that it matters that I do the right thing,

or does doing the right thing

actually matter to me?

Who cares?

I care, Mom.

This is a defining moment
in my life and career.

Every politician has his or her crossroads

when they finally have to choose one path
or the other.

So do I tell myself that,
no matter what I have to do,

what rules I break,

or people I have to kill,

backroom deals I have to cut,

I'm still a white knight
because I'm fighting for what's right?

Or am I a man of core values?

Am I a champion of truth and integrity

who's willing to sacrifice what's good
for what's right?

Am I ethical or moral?

Or neither?

You know,
am I Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton?

Or Lyndon Johnson?

Clinton was reelected.

Ethics says
you should turn this ballot box over

and explain what happened.

There will be an investigation,

Infinity will probably get arrested,
and they will count the votes.

I'd lose and be tainted,
and I'd send my friend to jail.

- What's the moral thing?
- I told you.

Morality is how we govern ourselves.

You can throw that ballot box
in the East River,

but can you live with the consequences
to your conscience?

What if I hear the ballots
from down there constantly?

Like that guy from The Tell-Tale Heart?

You once said that
my ambition frightened you.

Is that what you're talking about?
Did you always know that I...

Had the capacity to live

outside the normal boundaries of ethics
and morals?

When you were a little boy,

you used to love to steal
cookies and candy from the pantry.

Your father never really noticed
any of you,

but he was a true prude about sweets.

I'm not sure if it was

that he was worried about obesity
or he was shorting sugar stocks

or maybe it was
that Katie Couric documentary,

but he was adamant.

I outwardly agreed,
but then looked the other way

when you did your pilfering.

Are you saying that you think it's okay
to steal under certain circumstances?

I would watch you

after you took a sleeve of Oreos
or a bag of Swedish Fish,

and for the first hour or so,

you would be paranoid
and agitated and upset.

At first, I thought
that you felt guilty over being dishonest,

but after a while,

when you realized
that you hadn't been caught,

you would start to relax.

Not only relax,
you would get a skip in your step.

- Sugar high?
- No.

Because I think, for you,

the best part was realizing
that you had gotten away with it.

You are who you are, Payton.

I think you've known exactly
what you're going to do

with that ballot box
from the moment you saw it.

Your struggle isn't deciding
what you're going to do.

It's accepting who you are.

Congratulations on winning your election,
Mom.

I'm very proud of you.

Are you gonna eat anything?

I'm gonna get stoned and have a bath.

- We're gonna do nothing about the box.
- Are you sure?

Alice left me.

All I have left is my career

and my dream,

so I will make it to the White House.

Even if I have to lie and cheat

and... burn the world down to get there.