Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Previously:

You're gonna eat your way out that door.

Probably feet first. I pray it happens

before another of us ends up in a chair.

Hey! Whoa! That is your lieutenant

you are speaking to. I earned my rank.

You gotta keep earning it.

I'm finished with my treatment.

They do some scans to find out if you're,

you know, free and clear.

And I'm waiting for the results.

If they are not good, I have to start chemo again,

which would suck.

I want you to be the godfather to my new kid.

I don't know what to say.

Just say you'll go on a diet.

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me.

Can I have one last cupcake?

MIKE: I thought it would go great

with this double-tiered veil and, uh, these heels.

Would you wanna help us plan the rest of the wedding?

Uh, yeah.

Really? Oh, my God! I'd be honored.

COLLEEN: That'd be amazing!

Why don't you go talk to her?

Hi. How you doing? Hi.

Can I help you with something?

It's the news piece on Jimmy. Relax. This is a good thing.

Get out.

[ALL CLAMORING] Hey, asshole!

I'm the asshole? We should shoot this.

They're doing like a 9/11

Oh, really? What's their angle, huh, Franco?

It is a hero piece. NEEDLES: Stick to the story.

Jimmy was a hero. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy--

I got it.

So you and Jimmy Keefe--

What would have been a happy ending?

There are no happy endings.

PAM [ON TV]: Each one of these men

gave their lives in the line of duty that day.

A day often referred to

as the single biggest enemy attack ever on American soil.

But that's not how firefighter Tommy Gavin sees it.

Uh, you know, almost 3,000 people died that day,

including, you know, 343 of our guys.

But, you know, it's also the greatest rescue

in the history of the New York City fire department.

You know, who knows how many lives,

you know, we saved that day?

Fifteen thousand? Twenty, 25,0007?

I mean, that morning when it was happening,

first news reports were saying

it was 15,000 people working in there.

So I think, you know, nobody talks about that.

Jimmy Keefe,

according to all the available evidence,

not only ran into the first tower to help,

but he escaped that building and ran into the second tower,

from which he never returned.

That's right.

And, you know,

that's why he's a hero and that's-- All those guys.

They'll always be heroes to me.

I mean, biggest heroes in the history of this city.

I mean, I'll always have that...

knowing that his last act on this Earth was...

[SIGHS]

...involved with helping other people

in a war really, in a war zone.

On the front line.

There's another victim of 9/11 whose name is not on this wall.

Well, so far so good.

Yeah. Looks like she may keep her word after all.

...people who walk amongst us

and some who may never walk again.

Young Damian Keefe followed his father into the F.D.N.Y.

Coached by and ultimately assigned to the same firehouse

as his godfather and uncle Tommy Gavin.

Do you blame yourself for what happened to him?

Yes, I do.

Do you blame yourself for what happened to his father,

your cousin, Jimmy?

No, I don't.

What would you change about that day?

If-- If we could go back in time,

what would be a happy ending to that story?

Well, we don't really...

spend a lot of time

thinking about it in those terms.

It was what it was. So, you know...

Look, everybody dies, you know.

Some people die quick and easy,

some people die long and hard.

Those guys died quick and hard, which is not a great way to go.

So...

If you could change what happened after that,

after those buildings came roaring down,

after America and the world

finally came to see firefighters--

And New York City firefighters in particular--

as heroic, shining figures

who leap to help complete strangers in a time of need.

What are you asking me?

What?

I'm... What?

Sorry.

You agreed to-- No, no. I know.

I agreed to talk about my cousin.

I'm just asking you how you feel about the attention--

I know. I know. We appreciate the attention.

But, you know, we don't, uh...

We just wanna do our job. That's what we did that day.

You know what I mean? We don't need no spotlight. We just...

You know, we're not heroes.

We're just doing our job,

just like we were the day before 9/11.

You know what I mean?

The day before 9/11 we got paid sh**.

And, uh, we get the same now.

And here we go.

So whatever. You know what I mean?

You seem upset about that.

I'm not upset about it. I'm just...

You asked me a question. I'm answering the question.

You know what I mean? Just back off a little bit.

That's all. You know...

We do what we do, you know.

If there's a disaster, we respond. It's...

PAM: Let me ask you this.

There's been a lot of controversy since 9/11

involving the F.D.N.Y.

Alcohol and drug abuse.

Mm-hm.

Allegations of racism

in the department's hiring practices,

allegations of sexism.

That the department is nothing but a big boys club run amuck.

Okay. You know what?

As far as the racism thing goes, I really...

That's not what I agreed to talk about here.

But, you know, as long as you bring it up...

This is not... There's no racism here. Okay?

You know, we got a black guy in our crew.

You got a Puerto Rican guy in our crew.

Nobody gives a sh** about,

you know, as long as they can do the job.

Do you think Jimmy Keefe and those guys pulled up

the morning of 9/11 and ran into the lobby and said,

you know, "Which floors are the white people on?" No.

We don't know, but if you check,

I'm sure you can find out.

Out of the 3,000 that died, how many were black?

They didn't give a sh** who was black or not.

They just went in and did the ***damn job. Nobody--

Let's stay on target here.

I am just trying to explain to you. You know...

[SIGHS]

You got a-a black president now.

Everybody did a big happy dance when he got elected.

I'm just gonna tell you the truth.

If Barack Obama wanted to become a firefighter,

he's gotta take the same ***damn test that I took,

that all these guys took, okay?

Nobody gives a **** what color they are

as long as they're made out of steel.

That's the truth.

I'll tell you something else,

I'm sick of hearing people talk about us

like we're glorified garbage men.

You know what? Next time your house catches on fire

or somebody in your family gets hurt or whatever,

instead of calling us, call a f****** garbage truck.

I'm done. F*** you. F*** you. F*** you.

So it seems the pain of 9/11 still runs deep.

Perhaps it's men like firefighter Thomas Gavin

who need more than ever the psychological help

many men in the department refuse to seek.

Reporting from Ground Zero, I'm Pam Keppler.

Jesus Christ, Lou, I thought you said

you had a friend down at the TV station

who was gonna put all that bad shit Tommy said to bed.

Yeah, she said she would do what she could.

That was her doing what she could do?

Well, whoop-de-do. Great job, Lou.

And it doesn't even matter if it's true, Tommy.

It's bullshit, okay?

Just when the spotlight gets taken off this house.

That spotlight that always seems to be pointed

in our direction for the wrong reasons.

Usually 'cause of your stupid-ass antics.

[PHONE RINGING] Here we go again.

All right, just calm down!

No! No! No! You calm down, chief!

You pulled the news chick aside after Tommy went nuts.

Said you were gonna charm her

into not including that part in the interview.

"I'm gonna turn on my Guinea charm."

Where the hell do you keep this Guinea charm?

Up your Guinea ass?

That's it. [ALL CLAMORING]

Aah! [GRUNTING]

God-- Goddamn it! Shut your goddamn mouth!

SEAN: Hey! Hold it, Mike.

Whose phone is that? Jesus Christ.

[GRUNTS]

Answer. [PHONES RINGING]

Yeah, yeah. We just saw it. I gotta run.

I can't talk right now.

What the hell's going on?

Phone's ringing off the hook.

Headquarters wants to talk to you, chief.

I will be right there. Your bullshit stops now.

Here and now. You talk about the shit you see.

There is a lot of shit you don't see,

you don't know and you don't do.

You talk the talk and you don't walk the walk.

And it ends now! Understand me, pretty boy?

Chief, the phone.

Shut your mouth! You understand me?

Yes, sir.

LOU: Walk it off.

[DOOR OPENS]

MIKE: Jesus Christ.

Thanks a shitload, Tommy G.

Yeah, I did it. I did it.

You just got me in a fistfight with a commanding officer.

Appreciate that, brother. All my fault.

Yeah, it is all your fault. I'll tell you what, guys.

You think that's the last we're gonna see

of this news footage, you got something else coming.

That's gonna be on every major network.

Gonna be on the Internet. All over the goddamn planet.

Probably already is. So, what's the countdown, Tommy?

How long before the rest of the world descends on this house

like a pack of flies and starts digging for more shit?

What are you worried about, Franco?

What kind of shit am I worried about?

That's a good goddamn question.

Where should we start? Huh?

Maybe the banging-your- dead-hero-cousin's-wife shit?

That's always a good jumping-off point.

The drug shit? The booze shit?

Go ahead. Go on national TV, shit all over us!

All over all of us!

Yeah, just like you shit all over the 343.

What!? That's what worries you?

They're gonna find out about your conspiracy--

Oh, Jesus Christ!

No, no, no. Let me guess. I think I got it.

You're worried they're gonna find out

that you tried to bang my wife.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

LOU: Hey! Come on, guys! Come on!

[ALL CLAMORING]

FRANCO: Get off me!

[ALL CLAMORING]

I'm good! I'm good!

You know what, asshole? I am done!

Tommy! FRANCO: Done!

You guys wanna hitch your careers and your reputations

to Tommy's rebel asshole parade, by all means, be my guest.

I got bigger things in mind.

I'll tell you what, Lou, I had a white or a blue shirt on

with stripes on my arm, I bet I could do a better job

of keeping something like this under the carpet.

Keeping some loose cannon prick in line.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, right.

[PHONE RINGING]

Why don't you get that, Tom?

I got a funny feeling it's probably for you.

[THE VON BONDIES' "C'MON, C'MON" PLAYING]

♪ On another day C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? ♪

♪ Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone ♪

♪ Things were good When we were young ♪

♪ When my teeth bite down I can see the blood ♪

♪ Of a thousand men Who have come and gone ♪

♪ Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone ♪

♪ Things were good When we were young ♪

♪ Is it safe to stay? C'mon, ¢'mon ♪

♪ Was it right to leave? C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ Will I ever learn? C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ C'mon, ¢'/mon C'mon, cmon ♪

Hey. What are you doing?

I'm reading a couple of cookbooks.

Figure in case you and I both get fired

because of this latest incident, I can get work as a sous-chef.

And by "sous" I mean I'm willing to fry scallops

or work in a casino.

You see, the Sioux Indians were famous for scalping--

I get it. [PHONE RINGING]

Not that funny.

Well, can't all be winners.

Hey.

What a thick bitch.

So you guys saw it?

Yeah.

Did you see how much makeup she had on?

Right? I really wanna kick her in the goddamn box.

Listen, I'm sorry.

No. Don't say sorry.

Listen, I was the one

that wanted everyone to remember Jimmy.

And, well, guess what?

They're all gonna remember him now.

I know. Hey, the kids see it?

Yeah. You were great, Dad.

It was so exciting.

Jeez. How many phones you guys got in that place?

Three. Four.

Dad, what you said was right.

I thought you were watching Wyatt.

No, I'm watching Wyatt. Yeah? What did he think?

He pissed himself.

Katy! Well, he did.

Tommy, can you pick up a few things on your way over here?

What do you need?

Do you have a pen and a really big piece of paper?

Uh... [PHONE BEEPING]

You know, somebody else is calling.

Call back and leave a list on my voicemail, okay?

ALL: Okay.

Kelly, what's up?

You were really cute on TV.

Yeah, I don't think cute is the word

that people at headquarters are gonna be using.

That chick was supposed to run all, you know,

positive stuff I said about, uh, Jimmy.

She wasn't supposed to run the stuff where I blew up,

you know what I mean?

Well, you're my hero.

Why?

Because you gave the finger on television

in front of Pam Keppler.

That moron makes Sarah Palin look like Madeleine Albright.

Heh. Hey, how did your thing go?

Still waiting.

So do you want me to come over?

Yeah. I want you to come over.

I can't do it right now. I'd have to--

I was being sarcastic.

But you should definitely call me later.

Does that mean I shouldn't call you later?

You should really actually call me later.

Uh-- Okay.

Heh. She's so funny.

Was that the, uh, Kelly with the filthy mouth

and the beautiful smile from last year?

Okay.

It's not what you think, first of all, okay?

And second of all, it's not even what you think it was

when you thought it was whatever you thought it was.

I'll tell ya what I think.

Your wife has a vagina.

Sheila has a vagina.

Kelly has a vagina.

Your daughters have vaginas.

Hey, don't--

You're surrounded by vaginas on all sides,

which is probably the reason why I believe

you've grown one all your own.

Because you're no longer thinking with your cock.

You're thinking with your vag.

It's the only reason that makes sense.

Because otherwise you'd be banging

beautiful Ms. Kelly instead of heading into

another one of these emotional affairs with her,

just like last year.

S-she has cancer.

She has cancer.

You have kids with another kid on the way.

Jesus Christ. Look, The Celery Bible, Tom.

Yogurt and Appreciation.

I am trying to uphold my half of the, godfather, bargain.

You should do the same.

Don't ever go against the family, Tom.

And one more thing.

Tatalia's a pimp.

I never knew until just now.

[IMITATING MARLON BRANDO] It was Barzini all along.

SHAWN: ...240, 260, 280, 300.

[MARTHA CHUCKLES]

I'll get your copy of the contract.

You're gonna have such a lovely ceremony.

[CHUCKLES]

And your fiancée will be very happy.

You know, Mike, I hope you're right about this thing.

I mean, 300 bones, non-refundable?

That ain't chump change, son.

Trust me, bro. She's gonna love it.

She doesn't like shit-- UNCLE TEDDY: Hey!

Shh! [SOFTER] Hey.

Nice digs.

This is gorgeous.

You really like it?

I love it!

Ha-ha. Mwah!

Aah!

So where are we gonna put the pipers?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No pipers, all right?

We're gonna do a DJ thing.

No, no. I was thinking more of a string quartet.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

Look, do whatever you want

as long as there's some bagpipers playing

"Here Comes The Bride." It's a Gavin family tradition.

No pipers, no wedding.

Here's your copy. Thank you.

Well, aren't you a lovely girl?

Thank you. You're so sweet.

Babe, this is Ms. Martha. This is her place.

Your place is beautiful. I'm Colleen, the bride-to-be.

Oh.

Did I hear someone mention bagpipes?

Yes, you most certainly did.

So you're Scottish, I presume.

No, baby. We're Irish, head to toe.

Ooh, Irish, is it? That's nice.

Yeah! Very nice.

You gotta go.

What? Get out.

Out. Everybody out! Out! Why?

Told you, dude. Wait a minute, Mike.

What are you--? Come here.

I am ashamed of you. Excuse me?

There's no way you are marrying

this girl in my place.

You're not serious. I'm Malcolm X serious.

This is discrimination.

You can't kick us out because we're white.

I ain't kicking you out 'cause you're white.

I'm Kicking you out 'cause you're green,

as in the Emerald Isle.

Hey, that's reverse racism.

No, that's forwards racism

and I am steering it straight at you.

You watch that stuff, lady.

My people are suffering this shit for far too long.

You more than anyone should understand that.

You better get out of my face, fat ass.

This place means too much to me

to have another McGuire incident.

You're not talking about

the Michael McGuire wedding, are you?

You bet your big pink face I am.

Oh, boy. I heard about that one.

I think my uncle Denny was actually there.

Lost a finger.

Who are the McGuires?

Oh! Real shanty Irish.

Make the Gavins look like Amish people. Drink like fish.

Marlin-size fish!

Ms. Martha, I apologize.

Let's go, guys.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. This is not fair.

What about my deposit?

UNCLE TEDDY: How much you pay her?

300 bucks.

Oh, come on, Teddy. What are you doing?

Here's four. Reparations, kid. Reparations!

[CHUCKLES]

[EMILY CHUCKLING] So that went well.

Better than well.

Yeah, it did, right?

Totally. Good.

I'm not just drunk then?

No. We're both pretty drunk.

But you're still right. It still went well.

Good. Usually, uh, I'm a little bit of a mess

in these situations, but tonight I felt a little...I don't know.

Easy. Yeah.

Easy, right? Easy Rider easy.

Easy-Bake Oven easy. You know?

Easy... I'm blowing it now.

[CHUCKLING] No. You're fine.

Really? Yeah.

So it's okay that I'm psyched about this?

Yeah. I'm psyched, you're psyched.

I'm definitely psyched.

Still psyched?

Definitely.

Yes! We're definitely doing this again.

Yeah. No argument there.

Let's get you a taxi.

[WHISTLES]

Thank you.

All right, so I, uh-- I'm gonna call you.

Okay? So we can--

EMILY: Ninth and A. Step on it.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS]

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

[GAGS]

Hey, where are you?

I'm home.

Oh, can you not talk?

I can talk. There's nobody here.

They're all over at Sheila's.

So, what's going on?

It's good. I'm all done.

Seriously?

Yeah, seriously. What do you think?

I'm busting your balls? I'm done.

Shit. Wow.

Why don't you come over?

Oh, all right. You need anything?

Yes. Uh, some milk and some butter and some eggs.

Heh, that's funny.

Milk, butter, eggs. Goodbye.

Jesus. Never know with that broad.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey. What's up, bro?

Yo. How you doing?

All right. Thanks for meeting me here.

Hey, I'll have what he's having.

Thanks. All right, I got problems.

Better not be your cock again, dude.

No. It's not my cock. I-- Oh, Jesus, I hope it's not.

Spit it out. All right.

Remember Emily from the dress shop? Super-hot chick?

We had the most amazing date ever last night.

And? And we get back to her place,

and I'm telling you, bro, I had the best sex

I have ever had in my entire life.

Okay, I mean, it was like intergalactic

Avatar -caliber sex, okay?

I mean, I-l blew fireworks all over the wall.

Practically burned the place down.

It was that good.

And?

And, all right,

so afterwards, we're just laying there,

basking in the afterglow or whatever,

when out of nowhere, all of a sudden,

the entire place reeks.

Bro, I'm telling you, it reeks.

It reeks like a sewer in a bad neighborhood

where people only eat Indian food.

That's how bad it was. I can still taste it.

Now we're talkin'.

See what I'm saying?

All right. Ahem. What do you got?

Well, there can only be

a few possible explanations for this.

Uh, and the first thing that comes to my mind

is her vagina.

Was it like, you know, like rank?

No. No, no, no.

'Cause that happens to chicks.

That's why they invented the douche, you know?

I thought they invented that

so we'd have something to call you.

Very funny. Then figure it out yourself.

No, I'm sorry. I'm just kidding. It's not her vagina.

I got plenty of experience with rank vagina, okay. Hi.

That's right. You were married to Maggie.

No, surprisingly that wasn't one of her issues.

But could you stop bringing it up, please?

How many times I gotta ask you?

Sore subject. Yeah!

Exactly why I brought it up, dude.

Okay. Hardy-har-har. Touché.

Or should I say, "douché"?

Don't say it to me. Say it to your girlfriend

and her stink box, bro.

Hey, bro, I'm telling you.

It is not her vagina, okay?

This odor has more of like an ass essence to it, you know?

An "assence," if you will.

[CHUCKLES]

Was it you?

No, bro. No way. Not a chance.

First off, I never fart with a new chick

until like the fourth date, third date maybe.

Second off, I have never in my life

farted the smell of a rotting corpse, bro.

I'm telling you, I would have to eat a dead guy

who just ate Indian food and then shit his pants

in order to fart a smell that bad.

That's how bad it was.

Whoa.

Uh, okay.

Um, does she have a dog?

Yeah. Little dog. He watched the whole... The dog.

Yes.

Mystery solved, bro.

He's tiny though. He's this big.

There's no way he could create a stink that colossal.

I'm telling you, bro. It wouldn't work.

No, no, no, dude. It was definitely the dog.

Listen, from the way you described the sex,

it sounds like you traumatized the crap

out of that little son of a bitch, bro.

Listen, don't sweat it.

You're just waiting for the other shoe to drop,

you know, 'cause you guys hit it off so well.

Just enjoy yourself. You know?

Yeah, maybe it was the dog. Yeah.

It was totally the dog. Dog, dude.

Thanks, bro. You're the best. No problem.

Drinks are on this guy. Okay? See ya, douche.

What?

TOMMY: Hello.

I'm in the Kitchen.

Hey. Hey.

What's going on?

Nothing.

What-- I thought you only used a stove as a place

to hide stuff in.

Yeah. And as a giant cigarette lighter.

Perfect.

I used up all my friend's stuff, so I wanted to make sure

I replaced it. Are you hungry?

I could eat.

You don't wanna eat what I'm cooking.

What are you cooking?

Brownies.

Huge brownie fan.

You don't wanna eat the brownies I'm cooking.

Why? What are you cooking?

They have an ounce of weed in 'em. I'm leaving 'em

for my friend as a thank you for letting me stay here.

I could make you a ham and Vicodin sandwich.

Tommy.

I don't know what-- Do I say congratulations?

Yeah. "You won." That's what my doctor told me.

I'm gonna get a vase.

Oh, that's...great.

I know. I'm really happy.

I don't know. "Happy" is, like, a dumb-ass word.

I'm not happy. Well, I am happy. But I'm-- I'm--

I don't know what I am.

Relieved?

Yes. I am relieved.

How are you?

I'm, uh, you know... I'm fine.

Which means?

I suck.

Oh. Suck how bad?

Surrounded-by-estrogen bad.

My daughter's getting married, SO you can imagine.

Oh. Suck City. To who?

To this guy I work with.

Ooh, boy. Which one?

The little black guy. I don't know if you remember him.

Yeah, he's cute. Do you like him?

He's having sex with my daughter.

Yeah, but not for much longer. They're getting married.

I mean, they'll pump out a couple of mulatto babies

and pretty soon sex will just be something each of them

wants to do with somebody else.

I never thought of it that way.

I feel way less, uh, sucky.

And you don't have cancer. And neither do I anymore.

There you go.

Shit. What?

I'm so, uh, relieved for you.

KELLY: Shit! Goddamn it! What?

Goddamn! Son of a bitch!

Jesus. What? Hey!

KELLY: Son of a bitch! What the hell?

What's going on? Burned the brownies!

Jesus! Okay. I mean, do you got more brownie stuff?

It's not about the brownies, you asshole!

Well... What?

I don't know!

Well, okay. Uh, your doctor said--

I know what the goddamn doctor said, all right?

The doctor said, "You won."

But I don't feel like... Jesus!

...I've won anything! Hey! Wh--

[CRASH]

All right, just go ahead. Get it all out.

Shut up! Let it out!

Just shut up! Shut up!

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry. I was just--

I was gonna be this...

kick-ass cancer patient, you know. And I was.

I believe you.

And I did everything they told me to do.

Every day you sort of focus one inch in front of you.

And I lived that way for months.

And I lost my hair

and my eyebrows and my eyelashes and my looks.

And then this guy-- This doctor. --says,

"All right, you're good to go. You're all set."

I mean what am I supposed to do?!

Find the secret of life? Go to India? Find Jesus?

I just...

[SIGHS]

Hello?

Kel?

Hey.

I wish I had a real boyfriend to do this with.

Um...

You okay? Don't touch me.

Okay. Got it.

[SIGHS]

Okay, now you can touch me.

Okay.

[GRUNTING] Here you go.

You all right?

Okay.

I'm just-- I don't know. I mean...

What? What if I'm still just...

Shallow?

[LAUGHS]

I'll tell you something. This whole time you were...

You know, talking about your eyebrows and your hair

and, you know, I'll tell you what I was doing,

what I was thinking about.

About not getting hit with a plate.

But also, you know,

your eyes and...

your ass.

That make you feel better?

No.

I mean, a little bit. But I mean,

do you think your kisses work some sort of magic on women?

It was nice.

It's not like George Clooney waltzed in here or anything.

But it-- It was good.

This is good. It helped me, um...

Focus.

It helped me focus because I don't want to spend

the next 10 years, you know, just twisting in the wind,

trying to figure out all of this, you know,

anger or grief.

I-l don't wanna be you.

What?

All this stuff you're talking about.

I mean, all this stuff about God and ghosts and all of it--

It doesn't make a difference. The women and the booze.

It just-- You just-- You have to just go home...

and kiss your wife the way you kiss me.

That might...

work a little magic.

So you want me to leave?

Yeah.

All right.

Got it. Okay.

Bye.

FRANCO: Hey, chief.

SIDNEY: Rivera, hey.

Thanks for meeting me off campus.

All right. So, what's the story?

Well, chief, uh, to be honest,

I was hoping for a little guidance, you know?

You know what happened

the last time I tried to coach one of you guys?

Yeah. But this ain't about Damian.

I'm not cashing out. Don't worry about that.

But listen, chief, I've been thinking,

you know, and, uh, I wanna be a leader.

I wanna be a lieutenant.

You have my full support.

Well, uh, you know, I appreciate that.

I was kind of hoping for maybe a little something extra,

if you know what I mean.

Tell you what I'll do.

You ace that test,

I'll call downtown,

make sure you're assigned to a top house in the city.

No problem.

Chief, that's just what I was hoping for.

Thank you so much.

No problem.

Keep your nose clean

and your mouth shut till it happens.

Hey, nose clean, mouth shut. No problem.

All right.

FRANCO: Yes!

[POP MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS]

That was amazing.

Yeah. God, totally.

[SEAN CLEARS THROAT]

Where's your dog?

My sister took him so we could have some alone time.

I think we traumatized him last night.

Heh, that's...

[GAGS]

Hey, do you think we could, uh--

Could light like one or two hundred more candles?

[CHUCKLES]

You're funny. Heh, yes.

[SEAN COUGHS]

You're kidding? What?

She's a farter.

Chief, no! She's not a farter.

Okay. All right. I'm sorry.

This only happens after sex, right?

Yes. That's the only time I ever smell it.

You sure know how to pick 'em, pal.

You gotta see this woman.

She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

The hottest chick I've ever slept with.

Well, there you go. What are you bitching about?

You're sleeping with the hottest woman you've ever seen.

Could be sleeping with my Uncle Ralph.

You wanna talk about farters.

He killed a plant once.

Really? Outside.

Oh, my God.

[SIRENS WAILING]

All right, Franco,

up the ladder, vent the windows.

The rest of you guys start on four.

Work your way down. Let's move, gentlemen.

Hey, Mikey, the clovers on Colleen's dress

was a really sweet touch, man.

You like that?

It's very Irish, but still elegant, I think.

Ah, shit.

Hey, bridezilla, I hate to interrupt.

Knock that door down, please.

And don't break your heel while you're doing it.

I got it. I got it. I got it.

No, no. I'll do it. No, no. I got it.

Forget it, twinkle toes.

Last thing I need is you getting hurt in a fire

and me having to explain to my daughter

why she doesn't have her dress with clovers on it.

Make sure you don't bust a hip, grandpa.

If this is your way of telling me that Colleen's pregnant,

I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you.

Yeah, well, if you kill me, she's gonna kill you.

Pfft. Yeah, like I'm afraid of my own daughter.

SHAWN: Yeah, you are.

Move all that shit over there. I got the door.

Clear this out here.

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

What happened?

I think I just, uh, shit my bunker pants.

Why don't you try some adult diapers, old man?

Oh, yeah?

[CHUCKLES]

Why don't you guys take a look?

Hey, I don't like this, Garrity.

Yeah? Do me a favor.

Go see what's on the other side of that wall.

What do you mean? Like, with the ladder?

All right, I'll get the ladder.

Bobby, we need that ladder over here.

Holy shit! Jesus Christ.

Who needs the adult diapers now, assholes?

There's no goddamn floor. Or ceiling.

Aw, shit, chief. We got a problem!

The whole building is held up by bracing.

Holy shit. Mayday! Mayday!

The only thing holding this shitbox up is bracing.

Get your asses out now!

Franco! Franco! Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Frankie!

[ALL EXCLAIM] LOU: Frankie, just wait there!

Chief!

LOU: Hold tight, Frankie! We're right here!

All right? We're coming for ya. Just relax.

Frankie!

Aw, shit!

Grrr! Shit!

Grab that ladder.

LOU: Get the ladder, guys. Come on!

Hang on, Franco! LOU: Just hold tight.

We're coming for you. Hold on! Hold on!

Hold on, Frankie!

No, I can't hold on!

Put it up. Take it up.

[FRANCO GRUNTING]

Shit! Shit! Oh, God! I can't hold on!

Get this off me.

Take it easy, Tommy. TOMMY: All right, I got it.

Hurry up, man! Hurry up! Hurry up!

LOU: Just hang tight.

Hang tight, all right. Don't panic. Tommy's on his way.

SHAWN: Easy, Tom.

LOU: All right, Frankie. Hold on.

I'm trying! Come on!

Easy, Tom.

[FRANCO GROANS]

That's it. Good, Tommy.

[GROANS]

MIKE: Good, Tommy. TOMMY: I got it.

MIKE: That's it.

[SIGHS]

All right, Frankie.

MIKE: All right. SHAWN: Easy.

All right, pal. LOU: That's it. Hold him now.

I got ya.

MIKE: Oh, shit! FRANCO: Ugh!

I got ya. I got ya. All right, all right.

Holy shit! Go ahead. Go first.

Go first. Go right along.

MIKE: Easy guys. Easy! Easy, Frank!

SHAWN: Whoa! Come on, Frank.

LOU: Good. Come on. MIKE: Come on, Frank.

All right, good stuff, Frank. Come on, bud.

SHAWN: Come on, Frank.

Shit. Ahh!

Come on, Tom. I got you.

SHAWN: You okay? You all right?

[TOMMY GRUNTING]

You okay. Yeah.

NEEDLES [OVER RADIO]: What's going on in there?

We got him. Get out of there.

Tower ladder is gonna soak this bitch.

All right, everybody out. Everybody out.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, yo, T. What's up?

[, uh...

just wanted to say, you know--

Well, you know what you did. I just wanted to say thanks.

Yeah, well, I didn't do it alone.

Yeah, well, you know. All the same.

Uh, give me some.

Ugh, just part of the job, pal.

Yeah.

And this doesn't change shit between us

on that other thing though, right?

Okay.

Now which thing is that?

Is that the one where you walk around

with the holier-than-thou asshole attitude?

Or is it the one where you try to bang my wife?

I was referring to the one

where you, Lou and Needles are crashing this crew

into the goddamn ground. That thing.

Oh, okay. That thing.

I'm gonna forget about my next thing,

which was basically very quickly

beginning to regret having saved your ass.

Dick.

[♪♪]