Original subtitles

Oh, one of these days I'm gonna fire that Hazel. What did she do, George?

Well, we both reached for the evening paper at the same time.

She pulled a coin out of her pocket and said, "I'll flip you for it."

I said, "Okay, heads, I win. Tails, you lose."

Oh, she's the one who should be mad.

Well, you notice I didn't end up with a paper.

How could she possibly get a coin to land right on its edge?

One pound of butter, one dozen eggs.

All right, Hazel. I'll pick them up on my way home.

Of course not.

Hazel, it is not necessary for me to put the list in my hatband.

I will not forget.

All right, good-bye. Mr. Sutherland, I...

Baxter, does this sort of thing go on often in your office? What sort of thing?

Hazel interrupting an important business discussion to give you a marketing list.

Well, you see, that was kind of an emergency.

My wife's out shopping with a client.

You see, the pitcher on my boy's sandlot team has the mumps...

and they have a big game this afternoon.

Well, I don't see that explains anything.

Well, how can Hazel do the marketing if she's pitching?

Baxter, I retained your firm as legal counsel to Sutherland Enterprises...

because I understood you were highly efficient.

I'm sorry and I apologize.

I want you to understand that I am the head of an empire because I am efficient.

And I will not tolerate the lack of it in anybody.

Yes, sir.

Now about that textile mill outside of London.

From what you told me, it's a very attractive proposition.

But there may be loopholes. The only way to

find out is to go over there and take a look.

Oh, then you want me to go over and find...

Oh, no. No, this is one for the big boy himself.

So please have your secretary book me on the first jet out of here.

Yes, sir.

Uh-oh, Madeleine, another six.

Ooh, hotel on Boardwalk. That's $2,000 you owe me.

I know it.

Oh, well, where you made your big mistake, Miss Van Dyke,

was investin' all your money in that cheap property.

You play the game your way. I will play it mine.

Oh, well, if you wanna go on losing.

I just thought maybe I'd give you a couple of pointers.

- Hazel, the phone. - Oh, well, you know, it ain't no fun losin' all the time.

Baxter residence. Yeah, he's here.

Just a sec.

Oh, we're playin' Monopoly and I'm just about to clean everybody out,

so make it short, will you?

Thanks.

Hello? Yes, speaking.

My name is Hanson, Mr. Baxter, and I'm calling to congratulate you.

- What for? - Your lovely home on, uh, on Marshall Road...

has been chosen by my company as the finest in your neighborhood.

- Just what are you selling? - Selling?

No, Mr. Baxter, my company wants to give you something.

That wouldn't by any chance be siding for my lovely home?

Siding?

No wonder you were suspicious if you thought I was calling about siding.

No, Mr. Baxter, my company wants to give you roofing.

Mr. Hanson, I am not interested in your roofing.

And if you send a man out here to bother me,

I'll throw him out on his head! Good-bye.

- There should be a law against all this telephone soliciting. - It gets worse and worse.

I'll bet we've had a dozen unsolicited calls just this last week.

Well, I know how you can put an end to them.

So do I. Have the telephone disconnected.

No, just get yourself an unlisted number.

If you're not in the phone book, they can't get your number.

That's a wonderful idea. That's a terrible idea.

- Why do you say that, Hazel? - Well, if you're not in the phone book,

how can all your friends and relations call you?

You give out the number to your friends and relations.

But suppose you forget to give it to some real good friend?

- He could write you a letter. - Well, maybe he don't know where you live.

Then they're not that good a friend. Dorothy, I think we should do it.

Mr. B., don't you think it's kind of snobby not havin' your name in the phone book?

I'm not in the phone book.

- That's what I mean. - Hazel!

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Van Dyke.

But if-if we don't have our name in the phone book,

it looks as if we can't pay our bills.

And you can't afford that, Mr. B., an important man like you.

Hazel, you're getting yourself all upset.

Of course I'm upset. Having an unlisted number...

is about the most terrible thing that could happen.

For heaven's sakes.

Baxter residence.

Yeah, he's here. Who's calling?

Well, I'm the maid and I sort of screen phone calls...

so Mr. Baxter won't be bothered by things he won't be interested in.

No, I don't think he'd be interested. Bye.

All right, Hazel, what was that all about?

Oh, oh, it-it was just somebody that wanted to sell you a plot.

Two calls from cemeteries in one week.

That does it. We're getting an unlisted number. But Mr. B...

- Is it a complicated procedure? - Why, not at all.

You just call the telephone company, tell them you want a private listing.

In a few days, they mail you your new number.

This is Tuesday. You should have it by Friday.

Friday the 13th.

Junk.

Oh.

"Your private, unlisted telephone number,

which goes into effect Saturday the 14th at 8:00 a.m., is enclosed."

"Klondike 5-8372."

Klondike 5-8372.

5-8372.

Anybody home? I'm upstairs, George.

And that concludes today's news in the world of sports.

Oh, it's kind of chilly.

What do you say we build a fire in the livin' room?

You want to help me? Sure.

Are we gonna do it like the Boy Scouts?

Oh, no, we won't have time. Boy Scouts don't have dinner to get ready.

Get some of that stuff off the desk. We'll start the fire with that.

Okay.

I can't understand it. I put it right here.

What are you lookin' for, Mr. B.? Oh, our new phone number.

It came in the mail today and I put it right here.

Uh-oh.

Would you like another refill of dessert along with your coffee?

Hazel, I want to know what you know about that missing telephone number.

Well, did you leave it out on the desk along with the other crumpled paper?

Well, I don't know what...

Well, yes, there was some other crumpled paper there.

Then I'm afraid our new phone number has

accidentally got burned up startin' the fire.

What?

Yeah, along with the other crumpled paper.

Hazel, knowing how you feel about not wanting a private number,

this couldn't have happened accidentally on purpose, could it?

- George! - Oh, no, Mr. B.

You're the boss here and if you want to have a private, snooty number...

Hazel, I'm sorry. I apologize.

Well, I accept it.

So now that the new one is burned up, maybe we can go back to the old one, huh?

For your information, the new phone number goes

into effect automatically tomorrow morning.

What are we gonna do? If we don't know the new number, how are we...

I know the new number. Fortunately, I memorized it.

It's Klondike 5-8723.

- 83? No, no. It's Klondike 5-8723. - You sure?

Well, of course I'm sure. I never forget a phone number.

No, no, no. I'll get it. And if it's someone selling anything,

I'm really gonna let him have it.

Boy, if he gives out the wrong private number,

Alexander Graham Bell just wasted his time.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Sutherland.

Well, uh, what do you hear from your husband in London?

Oh?

Oh, that's very interesting.

Oh, yes, of course. I'll be here all day.

Oh, yes, thank you. Good-bye, Mrs. Sutherland.

Well, I'm gonna be getting a call from London on Sunday from Mr. Efficiency.

London, England, where they keep the Big Ben?

That's right. Mr. Sutherland just phoned his wife...

and asked her to tell me that he'll be in possession of certain facts...

concerning that textile mill by the end of the week.

And he's gonna call you all the way from London just to talk about it?

That's right. And I don't want anyone tying the phone up on Sunday.

Need I say more? Since we just got it today,

Mr. Sutherland don't have our new private unlisted number.

Need I say more? Oh, for Pete's sake, he doesn't.

Well, I'll just have to cable it to him at his hotel.

Then I'm gonna call my secretary and have her get busy on that list.

- That'll take several hours. - You're gonna have Miss Scott work Friday evening on it?

Well, naturally. She's wild about me.

What list? All the people we want to give our new number to.

Oh, say, that's a good idea. After I do the dishes, I'm gonna make up my list.

Boy, it sure is quiet around here today.

Not a single phone call.

Ah, yes. Peace. It's wonderful.

I was just wonderin' if some long-lost friend without our phone number...

wasn't wanderin' around wonderin' where we'd all gone to.

Have you heard from your Uncle Timothy lately?

He's such a sweet man, so kind of forlorn and lost.

He's lost and forlorn, all right.

I had a letter from him last week. He's vacationing on the Riviera.

Oh. Well, I was just wondering.

I was also wonderin' what happened to Tom from our bowlin' team.

What about him?

Well, he was supposed to call me this mornin' about our new uniforms...

on the telephone.

He was supposed to call me.

Hazel, will you please let me read my book?

Oh, I wouldn't think of disturbin' you, Mr. B.

Oh, hi, Tom. Why didn't you call me?

I tried to, but I kept gettin' the Checkerboard Cab Company.

Oh, yeah? It's okay about the uniforms.

They got them in chartreuse. Hot dog.

You know, it's funny about that phone number.

Every time I called, I got the cab company.

I don't understand it. It's very simple.

Hi, Mr. Baxter. Hello, Tom.

You know, he probably has the wrong number.

Well, let's see. Uh, Klondike 5-8723.

That's the right number, all right.

You obviously misdialed it. No, no, I don't think so.

I even had the operator try it for me.

Same thing, Checkerboard Cab Company.

- Hi, Mrs. Baxter. - Hello, Tom.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Maybe it's not our right number. Of course it's the right number. I'll prove it.

How are you gonna do that, George? It's very simple.

Whenever you dial your own number on the phone, you always get a busy signal.

Oh. Here, try it.

Klondike...

5-8723.

Checkerboard Cab.

Let me have that. Hello. What number is this?

You called it, mister. You ought to know.

Klondike 5-8723? That's it.

- Thank you. - Well, I guess I'd better go. So long.

- Well, haven't you ever made a mistake? - Oh, sure, plenty of them.

- But never a whopper like this one. - That's enough, Hazel.

I hate to think of our friends and relations tryin' to get us...

and endin' up with a cab instead.

Maybe instead of givin' out our number here, we should've used carrier pigeons.

Oh, my gosh! What is it, George?

You turned the color of our bowlin' uniforms, chartreuse.

Sutherland in London, he has the wrong number too.

Darling, why don't you just call the phone company...

and have them give you the right number?

Oh, no. You can't do that. They won't give it to you.

It's private, unlisted, you know?

Well, they'll give it to me. After all, it is my number.

Hello, Information? Well, my name is George Baxter,

and I have a new unlisted number which I somehow have forgotten.

Will you give it to me, please?

Well, all right, then, connect me with a supervisor.

Well, how can you have her call me back if I don't know my number?

I'll wait.

- Well, isn't there someone else you can go stare at? - Oh, sorry.

Hello, supervisor? Yes, that's the situation.

Well, what do you mean, you have no record of it?

Well, somebody there must have a record of it. Otherwise, how can you bill me?

Oh, all right. Good-bye.

"Sorry, sir. I do not have it, sir.

Sorry, I do not have it." That's all she kept saying.

Now, darling, don't get upset. Oh, this is fantastic.

I have to have that number to cable to Sutherland.

Do you know what he would do if he thought he was calling me and got the cab company?

Why, he'd fire the firm, that's what, for inefficiency.

Oh, he can't be a very nice man. Just a little mistake like that.

Oh, you don't know him. He has a positive passion for efficiency. It's his god.

Bill Malcolm.

Bill Mal... Bill Malcolm!

Darling, you're wonderful.

He's a friend of ours who lives down the street.

- He's a big executive for the telephone company. - He sure is a friend in need.

Bill? George.

So you know that private number I got?

Well, it's a long story, but I've lost it somehow,

and no one at that blasted phone company of yours will give it to me.

So will you get it for me, please?

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Thank you, Bill.

There's absolutely no way I can get that number until the public office opens.

When will that be? 8:30, Monday morning.

Yes, ma'am, lady. I'm absolutely positive.

This is the Checkerboard Cab Company.

My, what a day this is turnin' out to be.

Hi. I'd like to introduce myself.

I'm, uh... I know who you are. You're Hazel Burke.

How did you know that? I watched you bowl in that last tournament.

Man, what form. Oh, well, thanks.

I'm Mitch Brady. I'm Harry's brother.

Well, Harry's one of our best bowlers. I'm pleased to meet you, Mitch.

Oh, the pleasure's all mine, Hazel.

This is a nice cab company you got here.

Well, I ain't got but five cabs, but I'll be adding to the fleet pretty soon.

That's what makes America such a great country... Enterprising men like you.

You like doughnuts? Love 'em.

Well, I brought you a dozen, homemade.

Hot from the deep fry. Why are you givin' them to me?

Well, I have this terrific favor to ask you. What kind of favor?

Why don't you try one of the doughnuts first?

Now that's what I call a doughnut.

And here's some hot coffee to go along with it. Thanks.

You've been gettin' a lot of phone calls today

from people that didn't want cabs, right?

Yeah. How'd you know?

Well, because those calls have been either for me or for the Baxters.

Well, how come? Well, to boil it down to bones,

we lost the little card with our new phone number on it,

and we've been giving your number out by mistake.

Yeah, I'm with you so far.

And now we can't get our right number till Monday.

You mean this is gonna go on till Monday?

Why don't you sit down and drink your coffee? Enjoy yourself.

If you was to string along with us, we'd certainly appreciate it.

- What do you mean, string along, Hazel? - I mean take our messages.

Oh, you mean,

if any messages come here for you or the

Baxters, you want me to take the message, huh?

You certainly must have gotten good marks on your report cards at school.

What makes you say that?

You got such a quick mind. It's just like a steel trap.

- Well, thanks, Hazel. - We wouldn't expect you to do it without compensation.

What would you say to 10 cents a message? Is that fair enough?

Sure, sure, that's okay with me.

Oh, you're a doozy, Mitch. I'll be droppin'

by every hour or so to pick up the messages.

Hazel? Mm-hmm?

I got a message for you right now. Oh, yeah? What?

How would you like to go to movin' pictures with me tonight?

Double horror bill at the Arcade.

Yeah, I know. I was goin' with my friend, Rosie.

But if you don't mind takin' the both of us...

Oh, the more, the merrier.

Mmm, boy!

Oh, here's another message for you, Mr. Baxter.

Your tailor said to be sure and tell you...

that he can't let those pants out any further around the waist.

He's let 'em out as far as they can go. Thank you very much.

Let's see. That's, uh, 15 messages all told.

Well, at 10 cents a call, that means I owe you $1.50.

Oh, no, Mr. Baxter. Eight of them calls was for Hazel,

and I sure don't want to charge her none.

Ain't he nice? He sure is.

Uh, that'll be 70 cents you owe me.

Oh, oh, yes. Here you are. Uh, thank you, Mr. Baxter.

By the way, my relief man's on duty if you wanna check in during the evening.

I can't tell you how much we appreciate your help, Mr. Brady.

Oh, that's okay, Mrs. Baxter.

Uh, before you go, I'm afraid I'd like to ask another favor of you.

Oh? Well, it was Hazel's idea.

You see, Mr. B.'s expecting an international

phone call from London tomorrow.

London? Sure, London, England, where they keep the Big Ben.

Oh?

It's a very important call. So if you don't mind,

I'd like to go to your office the first thing in the morning and wait for it.

Oh, that's okay, Mr. Baxter. But be sure and bundle up good,

because we ain't got no heat down there and it gets pretty chilly in the morning.

Uh, shall we? Oh, sure.

Oh, would you put these in my room?

- Good night, folks. - Good night.

Good night.

Well, we'd better change if we're going to the dance.

Oh, I don't think we're going to the dance, George.

Why not? Well, what time do you plan on being at the cab office?

9:00. No, to be on the safe side, I think 8:00.

Well, there's a time difference between here and London, darling... six hours.

Oh, no. That means 2:00. That's right.

Oh, honey, we'd better forget about the dance.

I'm going up and get a good night's nap.

George, I'll be up in a minute to tell you a bedtime story.

I hope it's not the one about the man who once upon a time...

decided to get an unlisted number.

Checkerboard Cab Company.

Yes, sir, 687 Elm Street.

I'll have a cab over there for you in about 10 minutes. Thank you.

Any luck? Aw.

Well, I brought you some good hot coffee and the Sunday paper.

Oh, thank you, Dorothy.

Here's some sandwiches and some cookies.

Oh, that's fine. And here's something to sit on.

Thank you, Hazel.

Poor George. It's 3:00. He's been there for 13 hours.

He could have flown to London and back in that time.

Well, at least he's gonna have his favorite dinner to come home to.

Ah, that's probably some real good friend...

that's been tryin' to get us on the phone all day.

Coming.

- Why, Mr. Sutherland, what are you doing here? - Mr. Sutherland,

you're supposed to be in London. Yeah,

London, England, where they keep the Big Ben.

May I come in? Well, come in.

I found I could get back earlier than I expected.

I had to pass here on my way in from the airport. So if you'll just tell Baxter...

Well, Mr. Baxter is, uh, uh...

Well, if there's one thing Mr. Baxter thinks important, it's efficiency.

He thinks it's next to cleanliness.

So if you'll just give him about 10 minutes, he'll be here.

If you'd like to go in the den and relax, I'll get you a cup of coffee.

I don't want a cup of coffee.

I simply want Baxter to know I had a very tiring trip...

and I'll see him in his office at 10:00 tomorrow.

Oh, well, certainly, Mr. Sutherland. I'll tell him.

Thank you. Good-bye.

Boy, he's about as friendly as a porcupine.

I'll call George and tell him his lonely vigil is over.

Oh, no, wait a minute, Missy. If he knows he's had 13 miserable hours...

waitin' for a call that never came in,

he's gonna be awful mad. Well, I don't blame him.

And you know what's gonna happen to his digestion if he gets mad.

- It doesn't. - Sure, his favorite dinner...

is gonna lay there on his stomach all night, just like a big tight fist.

How are we fixed for baking soda?

I got a better idea than that. Come on!

Hazel, do you think you can make this come off?

Oh, sure. When I was a kid,

my dad used to take me with him when he made deliveries...

up at this big house where they had an English butler.

And he used to get a big kick out of teaching me English the way he'd talk it.

Uh, London calling for Mr. George Baxter, please.

- Yes, this is Mr. George Baxter. - I have a call for you, sir.

Hang on a moment, please.

This connection is fantastic.

You'd think the call was coming from just around the corner.

Mr. Sutherland's London secretary here, sir.

He wants you to know that he'll be unable to see you until tomorrow.

10:00 at your office. Can you make it, sir?

Splendid.

Pardon, sir? Oh, that's Big Ben.

We're dreadfully fogged in, sir. Always makes

Big Ben sound different, don't you know?

Boy, I sure wish I could have been there to hear Big Ben. I do too, Son.

You know, you have no idea how... well, how stirring it was. Really, quite inspiring.

- I'm sure it was, darling. - Now,

does anyone want to know what I'm going to do the first thing in the morning?

- Sure, I do. - I'm going to the phone company and get our old number back.

Oh, Mr. B., that's the nicest thing I ever heard you say.

- What made you decide, George? - Well, I got to thinking.

Suppose there was an emergency and someone who didn't have our number...

- had to get in touch with us desperately. - Yeah?

If it was the president of the United States, he could not get that number.

I got it. You got what?

Our telephone number.

It's "Klondike 5-8372."

I suddenly remembered this friend of mine...

that works as cleanin' woman weekends down at the telephone company.

You want it?

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from the Hollywood Studios of Columbia Pictures.