Original subtitles

Cheech for you.

Uh, okay, send him in.

Cheech, baby, how are ya?

Uh, pretty good, man.

Hey, listen, I want to talk to you about doing a video album.

A video album?

Yeah, you know, like, we just finished a record album, right, you know?

Yeah, it was a beautiful thing.

Uh, yeah, but, you know, like, we want to do, like, uh, four videos.

Four videos?

Yeah, yeah, and, like, a documentary that goes around it so, like, you can

them together and, like, they could be a video album.

Um, let me get Dick in here.

Dick, uh, you know what, Cheech, Cheech, Cheech, Dick, Dick, Cheech. Uh, hi,

man. Uh, yeah.

Uh, now, Dick, you heard the new Cheech and Chong album, right?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, what do you think?

Eh, it's a novelty record. You know, the player for two weeks and they'll put it

on the night shift. It'll get phones, but they won't report it. It's taking up

room on the charts.

Uh, Larry, what do you think?

Eh, meh, meh.

Eh, thanks, Larry.

Listen, Teach, we're real high on it around here. How long will it take you

do it?

I don't know. A month?

Great. You got two weeks. Get out of here. You're beautiful.

Kathy, has lunch come yet?

I'm here on location in Hollywood trying to find out the...

We're trying to do

something right here, if you don't mind.

Just get out of here.

I'm here on location in Hollywood documenting the making of a Cheech and

video. I'll be getting the story behind the scenes and find out what Cheech and

Chong are really like.

What do they do? How do they feel? What do they think? How do they smell?

How do they react?

What makes them tick? What made you decide to do another record?

We were broke.

And we started to cash in on the video market. Actually, we wanted to do music,

you know, because music is really where we're at, you know, because, like, music

makes the world go round.

Yeah.

Get Out of My Room. Could you talk about that just a little bit? That was Barry

Manilow. Yeah, Barry Manilow wrote that. Well, we actually ripped it off from

Barry Manilow.

He wrote Get Out of My Mandy.

first and uh well that was like mandy was like a like a uh underground a gay

underground term for for womb you know and so so we decided what to change it

you know do like our get out of my room and leave

me alone yeah i said get out

How about a ballad? I'm trying to like a ballad.

Oh, hey, nice chord, man.

Get out of my room.

Yeah.

Leave me alone.

I'm trying to say, get out.

How is your steak?

Yeah, uh -huh.

Hi, Tony.

Good.

Yeah, like English.

That's it. We could be English guys, man. No, man. No, no. I can't stand that

accent. What do you mean? What's bloody wonderful?

What are you, a bleeding fucking idiot? Come on.

Get out of my room and leave me alone.

That's it. All right.

Get out of my room and leave me alone.

That's it. That's what we got here.

I hate it, man.

What do you mean? Oh, get out of my room. Dennis, did you get that? No, no.

more, man. Let's try some more.

How was it to get back into the recording studio after being out of it

years? It sucked, man. It was cool, man. We loved it, man. We just couldn't wait

to get back. Okay, let's go. Turn these up. Turn them down a little bit, okay?

Turn them up. Turn them up. A little down.

Down, man.

I can't hear nothing.

Try these, man. These are really loud.

Okay.

Oh, great. I can hear everything.

Good. Good. Okay, let's go. Let's turn it up, man. I can hear. Oh, it's

Perfect. Perfect. Right there. Turn it up. Up.

Let's go.

No, no, no. Up.

Just a minute. I'll be right back. I can't hear nothing, man. I'll go. I'll

Oh, okay. Well, hurry up.

Okay, let's see.

If something comes, it's like scratchy or something.

Great, man. What'd you do? That was great. You should hear it in there. Can

do it again?

Oh, yeah. One more time, okay? That was great, man. That was a good note. That

was fabulous. Do it again. Let's do it again. Sir, okay.

I'll tell you when.

Okay.

Hey, hit it.

What

do

you want to do now, then, man?

I want to get another hamburger.

No, no, I mean, like, what do you want to do? Like, we made a record, okay? You

know what we got to do next, man? We got to make a video.

Why? Because we made a record. Now we got to make a video, man.

It don't make sense. It'll be fun. Now, what do you mean? Well, we'll have a lot

of girls, you know, and, like, a lot of pretty girls in the video.

And, you know, and, like, there'll be smoke, you know, and a lot of pretty

girls. Records and videos don't go together.

No, they don't, man. No, they don't.

I tried it, man. It doesn't work. I tried playing my record and watching the

video, and it doesn't work because you get out of sync. By the time I get the

record player going and go over there and turn on the TV, they're playing like

two different tunes, man, you know?

And it really drives you nuts.

It's stupid, man. I don't know where you get this idea where videos and records

go together.

Oh, come on, man. Let's do a video, man. I don't want to do a video, all right?

Don't want to do it. All right, then I'll do it myself.

Good. Do it yourself.

I'll do a lot of videos. Well, good. Good for you.

I'll be a video. Uh -huh. You are already a video.

Forget you.

Not only that, but you're Mexican.

I want to see what kind of video he's going to do.

The Boys Club in East L .A., home of a lot of delinquents. Well, today, we've

got a couple other delinquents inside.

Yes, inside, rock and roll history is being made. Could you explain the Ian

Rotten look?

Well, it's your basic animal magnetism, you see.

A road warrior combined with sensitivity.

What do you think makes a good rock and roll song?

Good rock and roll song, man.

It needs someone to say that song sucks.

And then it needs someone to say, I know it sucks, but I'm going to play it

because the people that are buying it don't know it sucks.

And it's going to sell millions.

And if the song sucks, it'll sell millions, man. That's a rock and roll

Ian, do you dye your hair?

Dye my hair? Of course not.

But I will admit to dyeing my mustache.

Now, who wrote Get Out of My Room?

I wrote it, man. It was called something else when I wrote it, and it had

different lyrics, but I wrote that song.

And what was the original title?

It was called, you know, like, Rock and Roll Will Never Die, because it's really

groovy.

Now, there seems to be a controversy over this.

Who is the lead guitar player in your band?

There's only one lead guitar player, you bloody idiot. That's me, Ian Rotten,

leader of the Ian Rotten Band. I alone, me, Ian Rotten.

Ian says he's the lead. Ian doesn't even look like a guitar player, man. I'm the

guitar player. Look at these fingers, man.

Calluses. Take a look at Ian's fingers, man. Take a look. That's enough with

that.

Draw him.

It's not suck blow.

That's right.

I'm grounded by Twitter.

I'm the guitar player.

I did all those Jimi Hendrix solos, those original Jimi Hendrix solos I did

myself, man.

Now, the man seems to think that he is the lead guitar player and he writes all

the music.

Well, it's what happens when you take too much acid in the 60s, I think, don't

you?

Look at him. He can't even lip sync properly, man.

You don't need to lip sync when you're the leader.

Okay, what do you mean by leader? Who picks up the bread?

Okay, he's the leader. He picks up the bread. Okay, they won't let me near the

money. Okay, I can dig that because I do stupid things with money. I buy

instruments and dope and stuff like that.

I don't do that anymore.

Ever since I heard Nancy Reagan talk, I quit drugs altogether.

She's a real inspiration on me.

Your video is very symbolic.

Could you explain the vision behind it?

The vision?

I think it's Panavision. I'm not sure.

Hey, mate, what are you doing? Why aren't you in your gear?

Because I don't want to look like a gearbox, that's why.

Well, if you don't wear the costume, it won't make sense.

It won't make... Hey, man, this whole video don't make sense.

It don't have to make sense. It's a bloody video.

Well, I'm not wearing it, man.

Hey,

man.

What's happening here?

We're making a video.

A video?

That's right, and we got to the gym for 30 minutes. 30 minutes? Listen, we're

going to play some ball, and we don't care whether you're here or not. Well,

look, we got to the gym for 30 minutes, so clear out.

tomorrow.

I will give it the gong.

tomorrow and leave me alone

You know, like, this is, like, the first time I ever directed anything by

myself, you know? So, like, I think the most important thing you have to have,

like, as a director, is a sense of direction, you know? You got to know

you're going.

Hey, man, I'm lost, man. Can you tell me where the ocean is?

Yeah, that way.

See, like, if you know where you're going, well, then, like, the rest of the

crew, you know, like, they look at you, and then they get, you know, what

was I talking about?

What was your name again?

Darcy. What do you do?

I'm the AD.

Is that like BC, AD?

Assistant Director, sir.

Oh, oh yeah.

What are we doing now?

We're doing a beat scene.

What am I supposed to be doing?

Directing.

Oh.

What's your name again?

Julie. Are you married?

No.

Are you fooling around?

What's your name again? Deborah.

What are we doing in this scene?

Don't you know? I don't.

I don't. Yes.

No, I don't. Who are you?

You married?

No, are you?

What's your name again? Sherry.

Sherry. Yeah.

And what was your name again?

David. And what do you do? I'm lean on.

Lean on?

Yeah. What do you lean on?

You lean on me. Don't you remember? You were leaning on me the other day when

you were tired.

Oh. How much do you get paid?

Oh, about $4 a day.

Oh.

It's all right. It's all right. I mean, everybody else will hire me because I'm

listening to my top lip. You know, it's hard to get a job.

Oh, okay. Well, I'll get back to you, man. Okay.

Where are you from? What's your name again? Dad.

Oh, wow.

Oh, zoom in.

It's a house.

Right, that's the shot.

Hey, forget that.

Hey! Zoom in, zoom, zoom.

Zoom!

I don't want to.

I want to talk to girls.

I just want to talk to girls. I don't want to work.

Now, let me ask you this.

Off the record.

Is it true what they say about how they, uh...

smoke a lot of, you know, reefer?

It's absolutely not true.

Plus, the word reefer doesn't mean anything to me.

Have you ever seen Cheech and Chong, you know, smoke pot?

No. I've never seen them smoke at all.

No,

definitely not.

I haven't seen them smoke any.

No, not at all. I haven't seen nothing.

Well, inside of the...

Innocent -looking grip truck. I think I've found my story.

Hard evidence.

What looks like an ordinary megaphone, but could it be a bong?

Giant -sized roach clips?

Looks to me like it's big rolling paper for that big habit of theirs.

There goes the ice cream truck, remember, in Nice Dreams?

And how do you think they sold the contraband in Nice Dreams?

Well...

Looks like life is imitating art, or is it art?

Wait a second.

Wait.

How's it going?

Hi, Robert Walters, investigative reporter.

Tell me, is this really an ice cream truck, or is it just a front for drug?

Okay,

let me put it to you this way.

Have you ever, or are you now, selling any contraband inside of this truck?

Have you seen Cheech and Chong before?

Cheech and Chong, yeah.

Do you know, did you ever see the movie Nice Dream?

A movie,

yeah.

Did you like it? Yeah, sure, I like it.

Which one did you like the best?

I like it every time I listen to good

movies and news like that.

And the part where they were selling the drug, was that real or was it just a

put -on?

Sell it?

Well, apparently I was wrong.

There's no evidence of drugs or marijuana on this set whatsoever.

It was obviously just a vicious rumor started by someone who doesn't care for

the humor of Cheech and Chong.

Do you smell anything?

See, the funnest thing about directing is, like, working with actors, you know?

See, what you got to do is you got to find out what they do best, you know?

then you, like, got to inspire them, you know, so they can do it for you.

Okay,

see, like, your motivation for this scene is, like, okay, man, like, you're

the agent's office, see, and you're going to go to the Bahamas, man. So,

envision in your mind like beautiful white tropical sand beaches you know and

like beautiful blue ocean you know and like you're floating along in the ocean

beautiful girls and palm trees all around you can't hardly wait to get

look forward to do the thing uh okay rest up man because we want a lot of

on the clean man okay we're in there next let's go

the checks in the mail too, huh?

Hey, listen, I'll have your girl call my girl. We'll get together and we'll

talk.

better Cheech or Chong?

The one with the mustache.

Cheech? That's a good question. I always get the names confused.

Hi, I'm Cheech.

I'm the other one. I don't know his name.

I can't answer that one. I don't know which one it is. They both have

Right, they both have mustaches.

He's Cheech today.

Him. That one.

I think it's Cheech.

Chong is the short one with the long hat, with the mustache.

My name is Cheech Marine.

My name is Cheech Marine.

My name is Cheech Marine.

I'm the tall, handsome, debonair, sexy guy.

And I'm the guy that has to listen to all this shit.

I'm Cheech.

He teaches me a really good thing.

I'm not Cheech, I'm Chong.

No, no, no, you're Chong.

Cheech.

Chong has a beard, man. You can't fool me.

No, you're Tommy Chong, man. I'm Cheech. I'm Chong.

I'm Chong.

Can you give us your impression of Cheech?

Hey, man, let's go do a movie right now.

Let me get a joint, man. Hey, man, like, hey, man, we're all messed up today,

man. Gigi's a cool man, man.

Oh, man.

Hey, baby.

Hey, man.

Hey, you guys, what you doing there?

No, no, don't do it that way. Do it this way. No, no, don't do it that way. Do

it over there.

Can I have your impression of Chong?

Oh, man.

Hey, man.

The bird, man!

The bird!

I can't hear him! What the fuck is that?

All right, man, that was a great hit, man.

I'm good, and I know it.

Oh, I don't want to do this video, man.

What would you most like to see Cheech and Chong do?

A western.

Dance? Me and the thikers, like, walk in a tightrope or something like that.

I'd like to see Cheech do something dramatic.

Yes, I would. I would like to see Cheech do something dramatic.

Is it the king is dead?

Cut.

Wait, wait.

Let me get that.

I forgot my line.

The king is dead.

What?

Dead? The king?

No shit.

Alas, poor jerk.

I choose to know the vato well.

But life is like a fleeting shadow.

It goes by like a fart in a dust storm.

Don't I say anything else besides the king is dead?

No, my girlfriend.

Because that ain't right, man, because I should have more lines than that. God,

God. Tell me, how did you two meet?

Which one do you want to tell him?

Actually, he was my gardener when I first met him.

Him and his dad, you know, were cutting shrubbery and stuff like that.

Cheech was a lazy little bugger, you know, would never work, so...

I got to talk and find out he could speak English, you know.

He's quite a funny guy.

Actually, we met from an ad in the LA Weekly.

I put an ad in there, learn the joys of rubber clothing.

Negroes and excessively hairy men need not apply, and Chinko showed up, you

know. That's not true, man.

Oh, yeah? Well, then how did we meet? We met in jail, man.

Yeah. And, like, I was in the holding tank, and when you're in jail in

California, you need to find a Mexican to be a friend with really quick.

My car stalled in East L .A., you know, and I needed some jumper cables.

And Cheech was selling them on the corner.

A few years ago, man, I was in the Mr. Universe contest.

And Cheech was, you were going to be in the Mr. Olympia contest, right? Yeah,

yeah, I was going to be in the Mr. Olympia contest. I shaved off my

then they couldn't tell.

He won Mr.

Tijuana and he was heading up. And I promised him a white girl. He said, oh,

okay, I'll be right there.

Well, actually, you know, before Cheech come along, there really wasn't Cheech

and Chong.

So... Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah. It really only... And that wasn't there,

and I know.

It really only began when we got together.

Do you ever argue?

No. Yeah.

No, we just... Yes.

We don't argue. We argue. We discuss. We argue.

We don't argue, we discuss.

He says discuss. We yell at each other. We quit talking to each other. He starts

pouting. I pout. He goes away. He goes to France.

But we don't argue. We argue all the time. We don't argue all the time. All

time. He's always trying to be taller than me.

He's trying to be taller than me. He's always looking down on me.

And seeing bald spots.

But we argue.

We don't argue.

We discuss.

We do so.

We argue. We don't argue.

Freaking not. Freaking not. Freaking not. Freaking not. Freaking not.

Freaking not. Freaking not.

Freaking not. Freaking not. Who would you rather have sex with, Cheech or

Cheech.

Harry Belafonte.

He's the one here. I've seen his body.

Cheech and Chong are so sexy.

What's the funniest thing you ever saw Cheech and Chong do?

Try to sing.

What's the funniest thing you ever saw him do?

Okay, okay, she's fat.

I'm talking 280 pounds.

We're not home right now.

What's been the hardest stumbling block for the two of you as performers?

Trying to lose our Jewish accent.

He laughs about it now, man, but he couldn't say wheelchair.

You know, wheelchair, wheelchair.

I'm not going to bite you with a Chinese man if you say wheelchair, you know. We

went to speech classes and everything. That's how we came up with the headband,

man. Tighten it a little more.

Wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheel, wheelchair.

Man, finally got it out of us, squeezed it out of us, man.

It's a very special thing with me, the headband.

Because, see, you need the right head. First of all, you need the right head

there, you know, because it's very important.

Because the color can change your mood, you know, how you act.

And most of all, I like this one.

Most of all, man, headbands help me, you know, become a doper.

Okay, so what I do, I put a headband on.

And what it does, it... stops the circulation of the blood to the brain,

And so then the brain sort of dies a little bit, you know, not too much. It

depends on how stupid you want to be.

I'm too stupid. Let's loosen it up.

You got to control the flow of the blood very carefully, you know, because if

you get too stupid, you know, you're just useless. So you got to stay sort of

semi in between stupid and dumb.

And that's what headbands do.

And it helps you act.

Because you notice, man, if you ever talk to anybody who wears a headband,

they're usually pretty stupid.

How do you pass the time?

TV.

People have said that your comedy is crude.

How do you respond to that?

How do you feel about your critic?

I like critics. I think they're cute, man. You know, like when they sing, you

know, like in that Pinocchio, man?

No, critics. When you wish upon a star.

Not crickets, man.

Critics. People that talk bad about you.

Yeah, why do you say man so much?

Because we get paid for every man, you know? It's like, they say we're like

gross to half a billion dollars, man. You know, but what the deal is, man, is

that every time we say man, you know, man, we get like 17 and a half cents.

That's our royalty, man. You know, so like we try to get as many men as there

are. Man is as we can. Is that right, man?

That's right.

Man. 17 and a half cents. I forgot what I was supposed to say there for a

minute. Man.

Man. See? And 17 and a half cents. So that's like what?

35 cents just like that.

Man. Man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man. See?

That's how we made a half a billion dollars.

Remember me?

Yeah.

Command module to mothership, over.

We have concluded our observations of the planet called Earth.

We find them to be in a steady state of development congruent with the universal

mode, except for one aspect called love.

It's me.

I bet you couldn't get.

Hey, listen, I was just sitting around wondering what you're doing tonight.

Would you like to go out?

Oh, you have to wash the hair. Yeah.

Well, how about tomorrow night?

Oh, you've got to drive.

Well, how about next week?

Next month?

How about next year?

When do you want to go out?

Oh, okay. Well, when hell duckery's over, where do you want to go?

Nothing strange.

When you get it, you'll never be the same.

Uh, hi.

It's me again.

Hey, I forgot to ask you, where would you like to go to eat?

Because I know this great Mexican restaurant. You know, it's like it's

new, you know? And like on Wednesdays, they've got all the tacos you can keep

down for a dollar.

Oh. You don't like nice junk food.

Oh, you don't like nice junk food.

Well, I can make it. How about a pizza place? I know a great pizza place that

has peas, anchovies, garlic, licorice, and peanut butter pizza.

I ate two the other week, man. It was great.

Oh, you're on a diet.

Oh, you're on a diet?

Oh, yeah?

What color is it now?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Is that you?

Oh, thank God I got a hold of you. You know, the last time we were talking, one

thing got cut off or something, and I tried to call back and the line was

When they said you changed your number and it was unlisted.

Thank God my mother works at her own company.

Anyways, I just want to say one thing to you.

And it might come as a big surprise, but I'm in love with you.

No, no, really, I'm really in love with you. I mean, you're the only girl I

could ever be happy with. I mean, I think of you day and night. You're the

one who... What?

You got married?

Oh, that's cool.

You know that girlfriend of yours? You know, the blonde with the big hair?

What's her name?

Harriet. Oh, yeah. You got a Harriet number?

Oh, she's so fine.

I mean, especially when she works for a black living. Girl, huh?

Hello?

Hello?

You got a Harriet number?

Oh, no.

Hello, Harriet?

Is this the Harriet with the big hair?

Oh, yes, it is.

Hello? Hello?

Harriet! Wait a minute, my Harriet! I'm in love with you! You're the only one I

could ever love!

Oh,

man,

am I wasted.

Yeah, me too.

If you ever said, let's do videos, man, kill that guy.

It's your idea. Hey, I kind of dig it now, man.

Oh, man.

All you do is talk to models all day.

That's hard work, man.

Oh, yeah. You don't know what it's like, man. You know, trying to get up to

their mental level is really tough for me, man.

They know a lot of things live from reading everything, man.

I get up at 5 o 'clock and I come home at 10 o 'clock, 11 o 'clock, man. Hey,

when's lunch? I'm hungry.

Oh, man.

I'm going to grab a couple minutes, please.

Wake me up when we've got to do something. Pete, I've got to talk to you

the budget.

Huh?

I've got to talk to you about the budget. What's the matter with the

We are way completely over.

Well, what's wrong? What happened? Well, okay.

With Tommy, the extra girls that Tommy's put on, that's $10 ,000.

The ones before, we were already $20 ,000 on the ones before.

Now we've got $35 ,000. $35 ,000?

Food, putting up your family, per diem.

And then we have to buy shopping goods. What?

Man, there's a dynamite chick out there.

We can use you in the video. No, we got enough. You got to see her, man. We got

enough. You got to see her, man.

I don't want to see her. I'm lying. I'm lying.

There's two of them. There's two of them.

I told him yes already, man. We'll use him in the scene somewhere. We'll stick

him in the background. No, absolutely no. Okay, I told him yes, okay? No, man,

tell him no. Okay, good.

No, we got time.

And now, okay, limousines.

Limousines? $6 ,500 for limousines. How much are we over?

Champagne. How much are we over?

$50.

$50 ,000?

$50 ,000, and that's it. Well, we're going to get the money. We can't get the

money from anywhere.

What about MCA?

I talked to them. They said, forget it. Excuse me. Hey, it's okay, man. I fixed

it. Okay, man. I fixed it. Okay. I told her that we couldn't afford anything,

and she said, it's okay. As long as we pay her per diem, and she gets to keep

her wardrobe, and her mom's going to work on the set, too. Okay? No. No. And

sister and her friend. And they'll do it for less than scale. Okay? No, man. We

can't. Hey, it's worth it, man. Really, man.

Really. They need her mom because they're underage.

But, oh, they're dynamite, man. They've got legs that go all the way up to here.

No, no, no.

I already said yes, man. Come on.

What are we going to do? I don't know. Listen, I wish there was something that

could do. I believe in this production. I would do anything that I could for it,

but I've done everything that I can think of, and I can't think of anything

to do.

I've got an idea.

Well, we're like a little bit in the hole right now, but we hope to, like,

our head above water pretty soon and, you know, like, break even with this

thing.

Joe or Sandra Mingalia?

Menanglia?

Hi, this is Cheat.

Cheat. Like, Pete.

No, Pete.

No, no.

Pete.

Yeah, that's close enough. Hey, listen, we're making a video, man. You want to

be in it?

Oh.

No, no, no, no. I'm not from a church or nothing.

Never mind.

I'll call you back later. Thank you.

Well, see, like, I think the most important thing to have, like, when

making a video, man, is a good crew.

Like, if you have a good crew, man, like, you hardly don't even need to do

anything yourself, man. They just, like, take the ball and run with it for you,

man, you know? So, like, you got to put a good crew together, man, you know?

And, like, and pay them a lot, you know?

Oh, yeah. No, I can be there tomorrow.

Yeah, no problem.

We're finished here. We're basically finished. I mean, there's nothing else

do.

And what's the budget like?

Oh, fabulous.

Hey,

kid.

Yeah, Chief.

How's the editing coming, man? Oh, it's great.

It's really great. Bob's got a great concept. He's working on it right now.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, well, keep on it, man. You're doing good.

Oh, yeah, you're going to like it a lot.

That's it?

We worked all night at triple overtime and that's it?

I just have a lot to work with, Cheech.

That doesn't make sense. I'm just standing out there in my underwear at

Cheech, I think there might be a problem on the scene outside the gym.

Did you have people talking?

Yeah. There's no sound.

I think they're now moving, but there's no sound.

There's no sound at all?

Well, sometimes there's sound, but then there's no picture. On that shot where

you're standing outside there, all you have is the close -up of the back of

head. And that just doesn't work. The union said we've got to quit.

Where's the beer?

It's out of the truck, man. Go help yourself.

Take a look at this one. See if that works for you. Not working, not all day.

Check this out.

Sheesh. We've got to stop.

Finished. We're out of money.

What do you mean we're out of money? We're out. It's over. Completed. They're

pulling all the plugs on the phones, on the equipment. These guys are finished

at 5 o 'clock. It's finished.

Is there nothing I can do?

Oh.

Oh, and Tommy. Oh, I forgot. Tommy's on line one, okay?

Hey, man, where are you?

You're in Greece?

What are you doing in Greece?

Oh, man, look, we got one more video to do, man. We still got 20 minutes left to

fill up, man.

Do anything, man. We'll just get back here, all right?

He's in Greece.

We got anything to eat around here?

I think we're out.

I'm going to go to the store. You want anything?

Another beer.

This is something we can do, okay?

Yeah.

Hey, let's go.

Hit the floor.

I got one thing to ask you and nothing more.

So answer in English, if you can.

Where were you born, man?

Huh? Where was I born? That's right. I said, where were you born?

Hey, are you one of those dudes that do horrors, ghost, man? Hey, I'm a cancer

with a bad moon. Right here, Elfago. Watch my lips. Where were you born?

I was born.

Yeah, you're born in East L .A. Well, let's see your green card, huh?

Green card?

I'm from East L .A. All right, well, then who's President of the United

Oh, that's easy, man. That guy that used to be on Death Valley Days, John Wayne.

All right, let's go. Come on.

Don't start in the same town.

We used to play a club called the Three O 'Clock Club in Fort Lauderdale,

Florida.

Who's watching this tape?

Oh.

The best time I had was watching Tommy Dunn.

Tell me, what's it like directing one another?

It's horrible, man. Because when one of us is directing, the other guy's over

making out with the chick.

So you got one eye on the scene and one eye on the other guy, man.

It's a drag.

Yeah. Especially for the guy directing.

Yeah. It's really a drag.

Well, those are all the questions that I have to ask for you. Is there anything

else that you'd like to tell our audience, our viewers?

What do you want to talk about, man? I don't want to talk.

You know, like, that's the trouble with this world. Everybody's talking, man.

Why don't they just start shooting?

That's my philosophy, you know. Let's just shoot.

Or, like, what we're trying to say is...

Nuke them if they can't take a joke.

I think our comedy, to me, is like a big black dildo.

You know?

Some people get off on them, and some people... Some people run from them, you

know?

Some people go, yeah, and other people go, oh, my God, you know? That's

cheating.