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You know Michael and I are on an eternal quest

for many perfect things.

One of them is perfect corned beef hash in a diner.

We have found something about as close to perfect

as I've eaten in the last ten years,

not far from our house in Grafton, Connecticut

at the Laurel Diner.

I think there's something to be said about Zen

and the art of the perfect corned beef hash.

Oh, there's a lot to be said.

Because so many gourmet-style restaurants

screw up corned beef hash by adding

the most god-awful ingredients.

The Laurel Diner serves the classic workman-style

corned beef hash made from scratch.

And it's fantastic. In fact...

That's us, Jane and Michael Stern.

You may know us from the magazine column we write

or from the books we've written together--

35 and counting-- or from our radio show, or from TV.

Everywhere we went, people would always say,

"God, I wish I had your life.

"You got a great job, a great-looking husband.

"You get to eat what you want.

"You get to travel to all these fabulous places.

You've got the perfect life."

And I did.

Would you like to sign the book? I would love to.

Kind of... but not exactly.

And I let you in because, well,

housewives can get awfully bored sometimes.

You're too smooth, honey.

You're much too smooth.

Of all the primates...

Jane?

Jane!

...wide variety of habitats...

The fact was that I was having

a sort of midlife event.

That was the producer in Minneapolis on the phone.

We fly out there on the 10th,

in case you're interested.

And the flames quickly spread,

burning the entire house to the ground.

You know, the station's arranged a bus trip

for us with listeners to a little restaurant

that's about three hours into the country.

So, uh, what have you been doing?

Watching TV.

Oh, Jane!

Don't go away, we'll be taking your calls

as our canine fashion show continues.

Hm.

Well, I'm going to the barn.

Michael had been sober for a little over a year,

and now he had started spending

more and more time at AA meetings

or out at High Lonesome Stables with his horse.

I didn't have to take care of him anymore,

not the way I had.

After you ride, are you coming straight home?

I think.

Kirby, come.

Well, be careful.

If K.T. starts acting spooked...

Jane, I'll be okay.

Easy! Whoa! Whoa!

Michael, wear a helmet!

What's that Jane girl up to today?

Sitting in front of the TV in her bathrobe.

She sick?

Not exactly.

More like impossible to be around right now.

You know, there's-- there's a saying in AA, Pete.

Spouses get better much slower than we do.

I knew Michael had reached a point

where he was frustrated with me and my phobias.

I've always had fears about just about everything.

You name it.

Now, fear was taking hold of my life

and I just couldn't do anything about it.

Jane?

Oh! Hi!

I haven't seen you in a while. What have you been up to?

Oh, work. Working. Some new projects.

Have you seen the display?

Well, make sure you do.

Ha-ha!

Working?

You're working on trying to get out of bed in the mornings.

Why don't you tell her that?

Can I get a picture, please?

Welcome to Minneapolis!

Bye! We're really glad to be here!

Michael, I can't do this.

Jane, Jane. The idea of being trapped

with a group of strangers for three hours

on a bus going who knows where

driven by somebody I don't even know.

Hi. I mean, does he look like

the kind of bus driver that would stop the bus

if I asked him to? Jane.

These people paid 100 bucks apiece to meet us.

You think they'd let me drive the bus?

No.

You? No.

Jane, you said you might wanna ride in the car with me.

Yes!

It'll be okay.

I'll talk to all the listeners when we get to the restaurant.

Let's go.

This is the final boarding call

for Flight 387...

They loved the food.

Excuse me.

They loved the tote bags.

I don't know why we couldn't have eaten

someplace in Minneapolis.

They live in Minneapolis.

Well, there are plenty of great restaurants in town

we wouldn't have to take a bus to.

Well, the point for them was to go

on an adventure somewhere new.

I think that's stupid.

Some days I'd be so down in the dumps,

I could barely leave the house.

Michael told me about the sign that was always up

at his AA meetings-- "You are not alone."

But I was.

Being a writer was not like having a job-job.

It's a weird, unstructured life.

Stretches of time went by now when I saw no one but Michael.

It was hard to find the energy to get dressed.

Why get dressed? There was no pressing need to.

No pun intended.

Oh.

Oh, oh.

Jane?

Jane, what's the matter?

No... I'm okay.

Okay.

Oh, oh, oh!

I don't know what's with me.

I got all panicky and couldn't do it,

I couldn't ride.

So, you got off and you walked.

It's no big deal.

Pete, you know me, I love to ride.

I've ridden since I was a little girl.

Michael's changed.

Every day, he gets up, works two hours,

goes to his meeting at 7:00.

Some days he goes to three meetings.

And then he comes out here, just to get away from me.

I know it.

Oh... I don't think that that's the case.

Has he said anything to you?

No, I guess he wouldn't.

Michael's still Michael.

Look, if you want, I'll go out there with you

on the trail next time.

I'll walk ahead of you and Piegan, I'll lead you.

You would, wouldn't you?

Well, I said I would.

I'm just thrilled to be working with you guys.

Us too.

You know, we really like the region by region idea

for the new edition.

Aren't you in Chicago next week?

Uh, yeah, we're gonna try that new steak place

that you mentioned.

You will love it! Oh, you'll love it.

Anyway, the book.

Yeah, it just seems to make more sense

to break it down that way

in case somebody's using it on a road trip,

you know, instead of state by state.

Mm, this meatloaf rocks.

So, how do you guys work?

Well, in the old days we'd sit down together.

Mm, in the old days, we did everything together.

But now, I pretty much do a draft,

and then Jane takes it and she does a draft,

and then we-- we look at it together.

Mm.

Because we'd like to have this for our spring list.

Shouldn't be a problem.

Shouldn't be.

Michael, where are you going?

I'm just gonna get something to drink.

Jane, please.

Please what? You just...

You're so needy.

I am not!

You know, you've become this anxiety-riddled recluse

because you don't have anybody to micromanage anymore.

Okay, let's just...

Can you get me a Danish or something?

You know, you've micromanaged me all these years,

you wanna know the truth. Would you stop it

with that word? I hate those words,

it's like "empower" or "proactive".

Jane, it sucks being the center

of somebody else's life.

I'll be right back.

Ladies and gentlemen, the tower has just directed us

to a different runway.

Please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened.

We should be airborne shortly.

Are you okay?

Yeah...

as long as it's moving in the direction

it's supposed to be going.

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

it looks we're gonna be sitting here for a while.

The tower seems to be having some traffic control problems.

I'll let you know when we're cleared for takeoff.

This thing is like an MRI machine with wings.

Why isn't there an update from the pilot?

It's been, like, two hours.

Oh, God.

Do you have any snacks?

Sorry, there's nothing to eat on this plane.

I need something to eat, man.

I don't know what we're gonna do.

Last time, he passed out.

It's an emergency.

Would you like this? It might help.

Thanks.

You should've... No, seriously, seriously.

You should have seen your face, man.

Oh, man.

It looks like you saved the day.

I guess I did.

I couldn't stop thinking about the boy on the plane.

It made me look at everything I knew about myself

that I wanted to be different.

So, right then and there, I made a decision.

I decided to take control of my life.

You?

Lady, I don't think this is for you.

Oh, well, I sure would like to give it a try, yeah.

You're talking car accidents.

You have to be prepared to deal

with all sorts of unpleasant sights.

And I mean some pretty damn grisly ones.

Oh, oof, well, I-- I would imagine.

Death and disfigurement?

I mean, some of us end up heaving our guts out.

You can't help it.

Oh, I hate vomit.

Loads of vomit.

I try-- I try never to vomit.

They'll vomit all over you, I guarantee you.

Cooped up in the back of an ambulance.

Cooped?

Racing down some bumpy road.

If you haven't kept in shape...

I understand.

Thanks, though, for your time.

Yeah, sure.

Hey.

Oh.

Just trying to get a feel for it in here.

What it feels like for the horses.

You know, all cooped up?

Is this a writer's thing?

R-right. Research.

Piece of... cake.

Can I look inside the ambulance?

Do these doors open from the inside?

Yeah.

Oh.

What is it exactly that you're, uh, looking for?

Oh, nothing.

Really, I've just never been inside an ambulance before.

Huh.

Good.

I mean, you're not trapped in here...

with the sick vomiting person.

You know what?

I really wanna sign up for that class.

Brother.

Hey. Where were you?

The Grafton firehouse. Mm!

Guess what? What?

I'm gonna be an EMT.

I'm not kidding, Michael!

Who said you were? What do you do as an EMT?

Well, you pull dying people from car wrecks,

stuff like that.

Jane, you're 52 years old,

you're not gonna be a fireman.

EMT. EMT.

You know, the other day, helping that kid on the plane,

that was one time in my life when I didn't feel

like the whole world was collapsing around me.

Yeah, but come on, Jane,

I mean, you're not gonna be an EMT.

Every twinge you get is like a brain tumor or MS.

Well... Or stroke.

Look at my family, I mean, every one of 'em, they...

they wouldn't fly, they wouldn't take boats,

they wouldn't talk on public telephones.

They wouldn't eat in restaurants

'cause they were afraid they would be poisoned.

I mean, I'm just like 'em.

My whole life, I've just been paralyzed by my fears.

Well, number one is admitting that you're powerless.

I know, I know. 12 steps.

But this is not like that.

I've done powerless.

Just doesn't cut it. Not anymore.

Don't loiter in the lobby!

Don't park in the spaces in the parking lot

reserved for police cars.

Okay, people! Listen up.

Let's get started.

Now, you will be volunteers.

Your training will be the same as the paid professionals.

I'd like to assist her.

You will know how to insert airways

to allow the patient to breathe.

You will assist paramedics.

You must insert needles into chest cavities.

If the patient's lungs collapse...

Hi, I'm Jane.

Dot.

When the paramedic has to administer morphine,

you will spike the bag and set it up,

so that instead of a bone-jarring ride

to the hospital,

the patient will feel like they're a baby...

in its mother's arms.

As an EMT-B, you will be smack in the middle

of the emergency care hierarchy.

This is the most stressful job of all.

Know the warning signs of stress, people.

Anxiety, guilt, indecisiveness, insomnia.

I already have all of those.

How will I know when the job's getting to me?

BSI-- Body Substance Isolation.

BSI, I'm number one!

BSI, I'm number one!

You are an EMT.

You do not even think about touching a patient

without at least a barrier of rubber

between you and them.

I'm number one!

I'm number one!

You are important to yourself

and to the rescue unit!

If you arrive on a scene and someone

is pointing a gun at you, the house is burning down,

toxic fumes are clouding the air,

or some psychotic is telling you the Martians

have ordered him to kill you now,

you do not attempt to be a hero.

You run for cover and get help.

That's what being number one is all about.

BSI! I'm number one!

BSI! I'm number one!

Louder!

BSI! I'm number one!

Louder!

BSI! I'm number one!

Jane?

Are you all right?

Michael, this is it.

This is the other side of what happens

if you ever have to call 911.

I won't ever have to.

Yeah, but if you do.

Ed-- he's our teacher--

he's this professional EMT from over in Bridgeport.

You wouldn't believe some of the stuff he's seen.

And next time, he's gonna teach us

how to cut people's clothing off really fast

and look 'em over for bullet wounds

that have entered and exited.

Honey, are you gonna get undressed?

When there's an emergency, you gotta be able to jump

in your clothes and get out the door

in a split second, day or night.

Oh, boy.

Mwah!

This stuff is amazing!

Good, good, let's just-- let's go to sleep.

Scapula, maxilla-- I love these words.

"Cyanotic" means blue from lack of oxygen.

Huh, I didn't know that.

Oh, my God.

You have to look at this. I'll pass, thanks.

No, you-- you have to look at this.

His-- his...

The skin's been peeled off like a glove.

I can't do this.

Oh, they're probably just showing the worst case scenario.

Huh.

Save it from choking.

You killed him.

Maybe mine's defective.

Mm-hmm.

And go.

Oh!

Wait a minute. Lift!

Oh!

Lift, lift.

Stern?

You've killed him.

He had a heart attack and now...

he has fatal head trauma.

Stern?

Huh?

Rescue Randy is not a bean-bag chair.

Michael, slow down!

This is a metal cage waiting to kill us

in a dozen ways I never even knew about.

Oh, great.

You can get trapped inside underwater,

seat belt could crush my intestines.

Oh, here we go. A little bit of knowledge

of something else to get nuts about.

You can hit your head on the dashboard,

send your brain bouncing around inside your skull.

You know, it's not just cars, Jane.

Dogs have big teeth and cause severe puncture wounds.

Oh, just shut up.

Bees can sting ya,

you can go into anaphylactic shock.

Stop!

I take this horse and I walk him around back,

and I stand there for a minute.

And then I bring him out again.

Same horse? Oh, sure.

Same damn horse.

And he looks it up and down.

"How much?" I tell him 20,000.

And Joey starts peeling off the bills.

Ahh. I gotta go.

I'm gonna be late.

You go get 'em, ambulance girl.

See you guys.

Hey, Pete, listen. I told Jane

that the next time we go out to Wyoming

or the Dakotas on a research trip,

I want you to come with us too.

Oh, I'd love to see that country.

Yeah. Yeah, just the two of us,

we'd, uh... we'd go out there for a couple days

and ride out and get lost.

You remind me to tell Jane about the mare in heat,

and my stallion going right at it

with me hanging on for dear life.

Yeah, that's her kind of story.

That Jane's a great girl.

Listen up, people.

We need to walk through this together.

One out of 20 of you has a main artery

that is congenitally faulty,

and will at some time hemorrhage.

If you're lucky and it is found in time,

you will not die.

Stern, take your hand off your carotid artery.

You are stopping blood supply to the brain.

Ah... ah-ah.

O-o-ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it, you're hurting me.

Ah!

Machinery's not my strong suit.

Clearly.

Your... your blood pressure's very high.

It's true.

"P" is for provocation--

what makes the condition better or worse.

I can't for the life of me remember how many liters

of oxygen are in an M-sized O2 tank.

That's important? Yes!

Sometimes I think I'm too stupid

for this class, and other times...

Some of the lectures are like,

"Do not try to replace someone's organs

if they are hanging from their body."

They say this with a straight face.

Who would do these things?

What's that?

It's called "Pass EMT".

If there is an impaled object in the neck, do not remove it.

I'm gonna watch it twice a day until it soaks in

and I pass my boards. Well, just be careful.

You're not exactly Lance Armstrong.

I have to start working out every day.

I'm gonna do this, Michael. I think it's good, Jane.

You do? Well, yeah.

You're doing your own thing, it's good to see.

Looking at the eyes, do they respond to light?

Are they equal? Do they move symmetrically?

Without moving his head, we'll have the patient

follow our index finger as we move it side to side

and up and down.

If eye movement is restricted...

On almost every call, you will be responsible

for lifting and moving patients without aggravating...

I may be more than twice his age, but I don't care.

...knowledgeable about proper methods of lifting and moving

to prevent injury to yourself.

So, flex at the knees, using your legs like this

to save your back.

Straight up. And right back down.

Well, who wants to help me out up here?

Uh...

Spencer and I will now hoist the patient in the air

and place her in the stair chair.

How much do you weigh, Stern?

I never volunteer that.

You're unconscious, Stern.

Hi. I'm Jane.

I'm an EMT.

Hi, Jane.

Do not touch anything.

Do not talk to the firemen.

Do not ask them questions.

I feel like a second grader going to a museum.

Stern!

Yes, sir!

Stair chair-- a folding chair used for carrying someone

in a sitting position down the stairs.

You be the patient.

Come on.

Yeah.

Don't worry, I'm really strong.

On my count of three. One, two, three.

I have to stop.

Stern, maybe you should take

the foot part, it's a little lighter.

I don't do backward, even at home.

Stern!

I'll tell you when to step off.

Lift.

Step.

Step, just don't let him hang in the air.

Uh...

Keep both hands on the chair or you will drop him.

Oh, that hurt.

Fail.

Stern? Huh?

See me after class.

Can't call 911. You're all here.

I couldn't even walk down a flight of stairs

without holding on.

I'd trust you to carry me.

Well, you'd really have to be out of it.

Besides, that's what the cops and firemen are there for,

to help you lift people.

Ooh, big hunky men at my command?

Now, I feel better.

You're sure you don't mind if I use you as a guinea pig?

I love playing doctor with you.

Normal.

That's a gorgeous saddle.

There's nothing you can't do.

Michael and I wish you had been our father.

That would've made you some kind of perverts.

Okay, then.

You can be Michael's father.

My father... my father had a steel plate in his skull.

Did I ever tell you that? No.

He... he'd just go off, you know,

on these uncontrollable rages. It was something about him

playing on the trolley tracks when he was a kid.

His forehead caved in and then came out again

kinda weird I guess where the plate was.

I used to have these nightmares

about Frankenstein's monster chasing me.

When I was eight, my mother packed me up

and ran away with me while he was out walking our dog.

She studied to be a concert pianist,

and when we finally found a place,

the only thing she brought was her grand piano.

So, we ate our meals on top and then we slept underneath.

That's a vision. Yeah.

Well, he never forgave her for leaving.

He threatened to kill us both.

I was-- I was afraid to leave the house.

When was this?

How long ago?

Well, it was when I...

it was a long time ago.

Yeah. Long time ago.

Let me see if I can find my old binoculars

so I can see back that far.

Suppose I should wait until I even pass my boards.

Of course, I'm gonna pass my boards.

They have all these cool websites

where you can order this EMT stuff.

Oh! Damn it!

Apply pressure! I'll call 911.

No, you won't. It's not that bad.

What are you so happy about? I'm not!

Well, you don't exactly inspire confidence.

Apply more pressure! Yeah, I got it.

Do you want me to do that? No.

Here. No-- Jane.

Jane, please, stop.

Elevate it. Look, easy.

I'm not exactly Rescue Randy.

I know, Rescue Randy lets me help him.

Please.

Oh... ooh, I think you should go to the ER.

Let me drive you.

No, I'm gonna go out to see K.T.

What?

Keep applying pressure!

Heel.

Michael, at least let me take a look at it!

No, this EMT stuff is making you

even more of a control freak!

Kirby, up!

Hey.

You should get some stitches in that, boy.

You need to get to a doctor.

What...

What?

Dr. Leeds, please report to Physical Therapy.

Oh...

Ooh! Shh.

Oof!

Jane, why don't you just go wait outside?

Oh... Just go wait outside.

Okay. You gonna be okay?

I'll be fine. Okay.

Sometimes life is a waiting game.

Now, all I had to do was pass my boards.

I'd have to wait six long, agonizing weeks

until the National Registry of EMTs

gave me a thumbs up or down.

Those weeks crawled by, and then one day, I heard.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, God.

"Congratulations!" I got it!

Michael? Hey.

I passed! Michael!

Way to go, Jane!

I passed the National Board!

I more than passed, I did exceptionally well.

Look! My EMT certification.

And my wallet cards and...

Look, patches I can sew on.

Aw, I'm-- I'm proud of you, honey.

Wow.

I'm an EMT.

Hi, Jane? I'm Audrey.

Hi. Congratulations.

Thanks. This is for you.

Wow. See?

It flashes the date and hour in military time.

You're gonna need that when you fill out

the ambulance run sheets.

This is so terrific.

Do you know Vince Milnik from the gas station, our chief?

And his brothers Frank, and Joey, Walter.

And this is Grant. He is gonna give you

your radios and your pager.

Nice to meet you. Hey.

You're gonna come with me. Okay.

♪ Let's don't take no chance

♪ Let's not be L-7

♪ Come and learn to dance

♪ Wooly bully wooly bully ♪

♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully...

There's a... a huge decal on the hood of your car.

It's the Star of Life. I put it there.

I'm in love with my sticker!

It's like this great bonanza of stuff they give you.

To keep the blood and debris out of my eyes.

They gave you all this stuff?

Some of it.

Some of it I ordered off the Internet.

I am G-65.

That's my number. Huh.

Is this too much?

I don't care. I love it.

Okay, I wanna know something.

What's that?

I'm gonna put this in my ear.

Where is your heart? I don't know.

I have to check your heart to see if you have a heartbeat.

♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully wooly bully ♪

♪ Watch it now, watch it, watch it, watch it ♪

Grafton ambulance personnel,

number six, Perkins Road.

Elderly woman fallen, possible broken hip.

Come in.

Um... um... she...

Ooh-- ow.

G-56 responding, G-56.

Jane, G-56 is already assigned on the call.

You're G-65.

I mean, G-65.

So paranoid I was gonna do that, and I did it.

You're supposed to be like Joe Friday over the radio,

not some...

...yenta on the telephone.

She tripped.

I think she may have broken her hip.

What is your mother's name?

Muriel Bergman.

Muriel...

Hi, I'm Jane with the Grafton ambulance.

Don't worry, Missus... we're gonna fix you right up.

Okay.

Missus, on a scale of one to ten,

how bad is the pain?

Ten.

Um... I'm gonna take a quick peek,

and I'll try to be as gentle as I can.

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

Um... I'm gonna take your blood pressure.

My mother's had a mastectomy.

Which side?

I can't take a reading on the side that's had the surgery.

On both sides.

Sorry.

Let's get a pulse, okay?

Okay...

What happened? She fell.

Did you get a pulse and a BP?

No.

Jane, do you wanna ride with us?

Not now.

I have, uh, company at my house.

I wanna thank you for all your help.

Good night.

I got lucky I didn't kill her.

Kept calling her "missus" like I was the cleaning lady.

That Audrey, boy, she's the real deal.

I mean, she knows what to do in an emergency.

I only know what to do on paper.

Jane... Then I couldn't even get

in the back of the ambulance.

But if I had, they would've had another patient on their hands.

This whole thing has been a huge mistake.

I'm going back to bed.

I gotta get out of this before I do some real damage.

Hey, Jane. Hi.

You're late, young lady.

Work detail every Saturday morning,

10:00 sharp.

Um, I... I went on a call last night.

I read your report.

I came down here to resign.

I don't think I have what it takes to handle this.

What can't you handle?

Dead people.

Um... puke, feces.

Amputations.

Nobody can...

until you have to do it.

Grafton ambulance personnel...

Okay, Jane, go to the rig and get the frac pack.

Frac pack.

Frac pack, frac pack.

Frac pack, frac pack, where's the... fracture pack.

Here you go. Easy. It'll be okay.

His leg. You want me to?

Splint the guy, yeah.

His right leg's twisted badly, it's broken.

Didn't have any strength left.

Set it next to his leg.

Right. Right.

Get the shoe off first.

It's stuck. I don't know if I...

You're doing good.

That's it, that's it.

Is this okay? Should I keep going?

Just keep going.

Cut his pant leg high enough so you can get the splint on.

You're all right.

Two, three, up we go.

All right, he's good.

Go! What?

Let's go!

Clear!

Cut his jacket off.

Okay!

By the way, my name is Jane.

Newtown, this is paramedic unit 787, do you copy?

Get away from me, you bitch!

Don't touch my leathers!

Get the jacket off! Okay.

Male patient, 36 years of age,

involved in a motorcycle collision.

Obvious fractured right tib-fib,

fully immobilized. My leathers.

My leathers!

Don't do that! Don't cut his leathers!

Get back.

Blood pressure has not been obtained.

Respiration's 16.

Copy, 787, waiting your arrival.

Good job, Jane.

Double delta or burgers, ladies?

Donuts? Donuts.

How scary can this be if you get to have donuts afterwards?

These guys! I love them.

It's like their favorite things to do are smoke, drink.

Eat pizza. Curse.

Put out fires. What else is there?

What else is there?

And they have no idea

what I do in my other life.

Yeah, they do, in a vague sort of way.

But they don't care!

I never used to pay attention to the Milnik brothers.

They were always just mechanics.

Filled my gas tank, took my credit card.

Well, on a one-to-ten scale of gregarious,

they're about a two.

But they're the best.

It's so soothing here.

What?

I did it.

I was able to sit in the back of an ambulance and not freak.

That's great. It was really good.

'Cause his leg was, like, snapped like a chicken leg,

and twisted. I got it.

But I was so busy with what I was supposed to do,

I-- I didn't have time to utz about my own stuff.

Well, I stopped by the vet's today

to pick up Kirby's pills.

Oh.

Jim Maguire says the Milnik brothers like you.

They do?

God, Vince Milnik. He's incredible.

You should've seen the way he got the area secured,

the two of 'em off to the hospital.

Guess I'm not your type anymore, huh?

Oh, silly!

The book.

Remember our book "Roadfood"?

Great. Great.

They like me?

When it comes to fried chicken,

which might be the universal all-American food,

Stroud's Restaurant in Kansas City, Missouri is truly

head and shoulders above the rest.

Here's why it's great.

Basically, you can't screw up fried chicken that much.

I mean, even the worst fast food fried chicken,

I can eat a bucketful of, no problem.

However, what makes Stroud's fried chicken perfect

is that the crust is...

Don't worry. You can't hurt him now.

See, this is my idea of chicken heaven.

It started as an old roadhouse dating back to the 1930s.

Helen Stroud started it as a fireworks stand.

Then she decided the fireworks business

isn't so good, "I'm gonna start frying chicken."

God bless her. God bless her, she did.

And since the '30s, Stroud's has been known

as the fried chicken place in Kansas City,

which is a very serious fried chicken town in general.

Have a look at Blanche and Bill's Pancake House.

I made a couple of changes in that one too.

Grafton ambulance personnel,

crisis intervention, 2946 Ridgefield Avenue.

Please respond.

G-65, G-65 responding.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are-- whoa, Jane, Jane.

What are-- what are you doing?

I'll be right back. We'll finish.

We have a deadline, we got-- we got a trip coming up.

You resent this, don't you?

Oh, okay. No, you do.

The intrusion of other people's emergencies.

Well, yeah... when we sort of have one of our own, right.

This isn't just about you anymore, Michael.

Thank God.

No, it's about our work, which is us,

which you aren't doing anymore,

because being an EMT is...

I mean, how can saving lives even begin to compare

with writing about chili?

Go ahead. Go ahead, Jane.

Go be a hero.

This is so idiotic.

What are you even talking about?

I can't even tell what you're talking about!

I know you can't.

God!

Oh, Jane!

In the beginning, when the radio tone

would go off, I'd get terrified

before I'd pull it together and say, "I'm okay, it's okay,"

because you never know what horrors you'll find

behind those strange doors.

This time, it was my own guest room.

Michael?

Think I'm coming down with something.

Well, I'll keep the radio on low.

No, I just need to...

I just need a good night's sleep.

I'll be okay.

Are you feeling any better?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go to my meeting.

See you around noon.

Oh, Jane.

Has Michael been here?

He came and he went. You missed him.

You two haven't been around here much lately.

Not together.

Whoa!

I haven't been able to keep much of a schedule these days.

Yeah, horses need that.

Yeah, people too.

Well, everybody's different. They need different things.

Sometimes, they just don't know it.

Seems like you lucked out.

Yeah.

I always dreamed of having a big family.

Now, I feel like I do.

Whole firehouse full of 'em.

Vince, hey!

There's Vince and Rosemary. Hi.

Jules, this was pretty terrific.

I'm glad I saw you.

Grant and Audrey say they'll take care

of the photocopying for the training session on Monday

if we buy the pizza.

Sounds good to me.

Jane. Hm?

The fish stew was perfection, I loved it.

Oh... She really did like it.

I mean, the mussels and the clams

and the shrimp and the scallops,

I mean, there was, like, every kind of fish in there.

It was absolutely amazing. And the stock!

It's an old family recipe.

Its secret... at the end, a stir of brandy.

Brandy? Ah.

I am in the restaurant business all my life,

and I believe our fish stew beats any fish stew anywhere.

Great with French bread there, Jules.

Michael's a big dunker.

Thanks.

Merci.

Great place, huh?

I'd like to stop at that firehouse

we passed coming into town.

Why, do you know them? No.

I just wanna get a picture out front.

Wherever we travel to across the country,

you always have to check out all the AA meetings.

That's different. Yeah?

How? Look, we have some revisions

we have to make this afternoon.

Jane, we're seeing Sarah in New York on Thursday.

We need to reschedule that.

She thinks she's getting the book.

You-- you've been working on it, haven't you?

It's gonna be ready, isn't it? I hope.

Wait, wait, wait. Jane, look.

Why don't you just give me what you've done

and I'll finish the rest?

No! I'm doing all the work anyway

while you're out on the fire truck.

That's not exactly fair.

You bet it isn't.

I can do this, Jane. Let me just do this,

and let's just stop all this pretending.

You pompous...

I don't need you anymore.

Not like this.

It's like pulling teeth to get you to pay attention.

Oh, get over yourself. You are so full of yourself.

Oh, I... where do you think you're going?

I'm not getting in the car with you. Oh, come on, come on, Jane.

Poor Michael.

All these years I've been on your back.

Nothing but this huge neurotic weight

around your neck. No, no, not all these years.

Just since I've been sober.

And now that I'm not, you can't handle it.

Now you know what it feels like.

This is about getting back at me?

You can't handle that I don't need you like that anymore.

No! What I can't handle is the fact

that I've lost my partner,

and not just my writing partner.

You're right, I can't handle that.

Grafton ambulance personnel,

woman needs transport to hospital,

number six, Gordon Road.

Oh, Jane!

The AIDS hospice. I have to go.

Yeah, I guess you do.

She had a seizure?

You don't need that, nobody here is gonna hurt you.

Well, it's for the protection of the patients as well as us.

Whatever.

AIDS, TB, thrush, hepatitis.

Brain surgery?

She should be dead ten times over.

Up here.

Mavis, Mavis Cotter, 33.

It's just, uh... they put hobbies on here.

Sewing, gospel singing.

I really like Shirley Caesar.

I like her too.

My husband, he likes the Clark Sisters.

His name is Michael. We're writers.

Both of you are?

We write together, yeah.

What about? Food.

We've always loved food.

Discussing it is like this primal thing with us.

He's the smartest man I've ever met.

I'm very fortunate.

One of my top-ten wishes would be to sing

like Mahalia Jackson.

♪ Soon it will be done

♪ Trouble of the world

♪ Trouble of the world ♪

♪ Trouble of the world

I know, I suck.

♪ Soon we will done

♪ With the trouble of the world ♪

♪ Trouble of the world

♪ Trouble of the world

♪ How soon we will be done ♪

♪ With the trouble of the world ♪

♪ I'm going home to live

♪ With God

You were up late.

I, uh, left the sections I finished on your desk.

I'll wrap up the Great Plains this afternoon.

They called from Nicky Rivers.

They want us in Chicago on the Fifth for the taping.

What?

So, what's the deal?

Are you staying in there?

Uh... for now.

I really think we should see someone...

talk to somebody professional.

Michael.

This is important.

I think we should too.

Here, sweet boy.

You want a little something? There you go.

Grafton ambulance personnel,

baby floating face-down in swimming pool,

145 Columbia Heights.

G-65, G-65 responding.

Baby floating in swimming pool.

Oh, Jane.

It's terrible.

My baby.

What the hell? A dog?

Please save him!

Called 911, said his baby fell in the pool.

This mutt weighs a ton.

When we got here, he was floundering around.

He probably had a heart attack.

I don't know what we're supposed to do with it.

We're not gonna put him in the ambulance.

Jane, come on, we called the animal warden.

Aah!

You okay?

Winston!

What's wrong with the doggy?

He's asleep. He's dead.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Jane, what are you doing?

He's alive.

He's alive.

He's alive!

My baby!

Winston!

Oh, no, it's Rhonda from animal control.

False alarm.

You sure you don't want to put something else on?

No, I'm fine. It's drying.

Quite an episode.

Yeah, there have been many. Jane saves lives.

My own.

I saved my own life when I became an EMT.

Michael's angry because I don't need him

to prop me up anymore.

Is that right, Michael?

Well, I don't really have this need to have

someone to take care of, I never have,

if that's where you're headed.

Where are you headed?

He doesn't need me anymore. He thinks I don't need him.

That's not exactly how I'd put it.

Don't you begin to hate the person

that you cling to the most, isn't that true?

Go to hell!

You go to hell!

I hate you so much.

You know something?

You would never talk to Vince Milnik like that.

You'd treat him with respect.

And just because we're married, it doesn't give us license

to muck all over each other.

I first saw Michael when we were in college.

I said, "Are you a Scorpio?"

I knew he was a Scorpio too.

We were born one day apart.

We went to Kenosha, Wisconsin once

and had matching Scorpios tattooed on our legs

by these Hells Angels guys.

We've been incredibly close.

Married 33 years.

We're acting like we don't know each other.

Incredibly close.

Ever since we started writing together,

we've always been a foot away from each other in the car,

we have a double byline.

That constant...

Michael.

We don't have any kids,

and uh... we just have each other, and the animals.

And the work... and I love that.

I love it too.

But I don't love it now.

I don't love it now.

I got an extra room here.

I'm just saying, in a pinch.

For either of you.

Yeah. Thanks, Pete.

Just might take you up on that.

I don't know, Pete.

I try to be...

you know, encouraging about all this EMT stuff.

I just keep coming off looking like the bad guy.

If I was you, I'd be into the scotch by now.

Yeah, well, that's just it.

It was good for all those years.

It was good for her too 'cause she knew exactly where I was--

passed out in the chair.

But then, I got sober,

and I wasn't in the chair anymore.

I wake up every morning, I wonder where I've been

for the last 30 years.

Jane? Huh?

Let me.

Got enough room?

Yeah, I got it.

You're gonna be fine.

Take it easy.

That's it, you'll be fine.

Here we go, you'll be fine. You're all right.

Yeah, we're gonna get you to the hospital.

Sir, I'm just gonna buckle you in here, okay?

Okay.

Hello?

Jane, it's Audrey.

You seemed a little out of it.

I'm sorry, I just had to come home and lie down.

I was feeling a little w-weird.

Jane, are you okay?

No.

Careful... 'cause I will burn you.

I know a good EMT.

I cry all the time.

In the car, Michael drives and I cry.

I cry every time I see couples our age together.

Every restaurant we go into, every motel room...

I'm crying.

Every couple goes through this.

I mean, you stay together this long...

Yeah, yeah, I know all that.

I've seen those movies too.

It's just that Michael and I...

I love him, and he says he loves me too.

We just don't like each other.

God, I hope this is nerves and not Parkinson's.

And we're back with Jane and Michael Stern.

Okay, Jane, Michael, tell me, do you ever have time

to just stay home and cook?

Yeah, people think we live out of doggy bags,

but when we're not on the road, we're very passionate cooks,

and we're passionate about kitchenware as well.

Oh, are there pieces you just can't live without?

Well, my favorite thing I have to have

is a really good cheese grater.

Okay, tell me, what kind do you like?

Well, Jane and I actually have a battle royal

going on about cheese graters, we each have our own.

Yeah, Michael hides his cheese grater.

That's because you don't clean yours properly.

Really?

Jane prefers the boxy type.

I'm so humiliated!

I have this great fabulous flat one.

It's old, I love it, I know exactly how to hold the cheese.

Yeah, Michael is anal retentive.

He hides his cheese grater.

He thinks I don't know this,

but the cheese grater and his coffee beans... Uh-uh, not true.

...are hidden somewhere where he thinks I don't know

where they are.

Oh, I think I've struck a nerve here!

Yeah, this naturally leads me to talking

about the knives that we own.

Yes, well, I don't like you thinking

about knives, Michael, when you're annoyed

with my kitchen habits.

I think I'm gonna have to see about getting a group rate

on a marriage counselor.

I think so too.

Oh!

Whoo!

- Nicky? - Tristan...

That was great. You're terrific.

I had a ball. I know.

Thank you very much. Good to see you.

Appreciate it.

God, that was... that was amazing.

I know. Yeah.

Even now, hm?

Michael? Hi.

I've got the information on that barbecue place.

What time is the flight?

3:16.

Why can't they just call it 3:15 or 3:20?

Is there a stop? Non-stop.

What time do we get home?

5:30.

What did you mean when you said "even now?"

It was amazing, "even now."

With everything falling apart.

I'm so afraid.

Jane, we're only gonna be in the air for an hour.

I'm afraid nothing can be the same again...

that we aren't gonna be Jane and Michael Stern anymore.

With everything that gets splattered or sneezed on me,

I could get AIDS or SARS or the flu or...

This is 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

There are times when I ask myself why,

why am I doing this?

I mean, I became an EMT because I thought

it would be a way to get out of my head

and force me to think about other people's problems.

But it's not working anymore,

and-- and I'm-- I'm letting Michael down.

The better I get at this...

I don't know what to do except quit.

You exhaust the hell out of me.

Mm.

I exhaust me too sometimes.

Just ease up.

You don't have to go out on every call.

You know, when I first met you, I thought, oh,

here we go, another damn do-gooder.

I was so scared of you.

You mean, you're not anymore?

I thought that you'd be the last person on Earth

to stick it out. Me too.

But you did. I know one thing.

If I was ever trapped in a burning building,

I could count on you to run in there and get me.

Did I wake you?

No, no. No, I was awake.

What you're saying is you don't wanna be married to me anymore.

I love you, Jane.

I'll always love you.

But you don't wanna be married to me anymore.

Okay.

Jane. Enough.

What do we do?

I mean, I know what we do,

but what do we do about our work?

Michael... if we're that miserable...

I don't know what I am anymore.

We're incredibly miserable with each other,

and we both know that this is it for us.

We both know.

Pete has a spare room.

I know.

There's an apartment for rent behind Milnik's garage.

I know that too.

We worked so hard for this place.

I hate the thought of leaving it.

Well, you know, we...

we have, uh, certain obligations to work,

and I-- you know, I don't-- I don't see that...

I'm sorry.

You know... maybe...

maybe we can get little houses next to each other, huh?

I wonder what it would take to wall this place in half.

Well, we, uh...

we don't have to figure everything out tonight.

I know what's gonna happen.

You're gonna end up out back of Milnik's garage.

Motion was passed that the 75th anniversary

of the Grafton Volunteer Fire Company

would be held on June 23rd.

That's Greg's birthday for any of you who don't know already.

Parade at 3:00 following the chili cook-off

with celebrity judges.

Listen, I hope we don't have any unfortunate incidents

like last year.

I mean, who would've known that a gas barbecue

could cause that much damage.

Young lady? I wanna talk to you.

Two things.

What did I do?

Uh, we were wondering about asking Michael

to be a celebrity judge at the chili cook-off.

What do you think? Oh.

Audrey says that the two of you wrote a book about chili.

Yeah, we did. It's called "Chili Nation".

Ah. Um...

I could ask him.

Good, good.

Uh, now, second thing.

You're not still considering quitting, are you?

Every day.

We were wondering if you'd take over

as firehouse secretary.

Ken Rapp's term is up.

Me?

You write every damn thing down anyway,

you never miss a meeting.

Might as well put you to work.

Now, don't start up on me.

Yes. Absolutely.

I would be deeply honored.

All right, then. I'll talk to the chief.

Oh!

Michael?

I'm on my way now.

Michael, what happened?

He was, uh... he was in the barn

and he was cleaning out the stalls.

And, uh... his brain hemorrhaged.

He had a massive stroke.

People have shown up all morning just to help out.

I keep expecting to see him sitting there

like he always is when you come in from the ride.

He's always there.

Taught me everything I know about riding.

About everything.

I know he did.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do for him.

You know, the other day,

we were talking about what we were gonna do

and our-- our logistics.

I couldn't stand the thought of losing you.

I went upstairs, and I had this picture of you

in my head as a little girl.

No, I didn't mean it like that.

That-- that sounds stupid.

No, it doesn't.

No, it... what I meant was...

I saw myself as the same, as not a bad person.

And... I know that you're not a bad person.

And I know that you wanna be a good person with me too.

And I... I want that too.

Michael...

I felt the same way too. I don't wanna lose you.

You know, I-- I guess what I had...

were these feelings for our relationship.

And, uh...

when you looked at me,

I knew I could never leave you.

As horrible as it's been?

Yeah, as horrible as it's been.

It's not worth throwing away.

There's something really worth saving here.

We've been eating at Mom's.

Actually, it's called Mother's.

It's one of our favorite restaurants in New Orleans.

Well, it sure ain't my mother's home cooking.

I wish my mother had cooked like this.

My mother unfortunately was not a soul food cook,

and this is great New Orleans soul food at its best.

Which means red beans and rice,

a length of really, wonderfully-taut sausage...

Since I was a little girl,

I'd been afraid of losing people.

The fact is, one way or the other,

eventually, you just do.

As a working person's café...

The thought of losing Michael frightened me so much

that I almost did lose him.

But in the end, figuring out how to be together

and still allow each other our own separate lives

made us even closer.

At the last meeting for the Grafton Volunteer Fire Company,

the meeting came to order...

I also learned something else.

Becoming part of a firehouse and working

side-by-side with the men and women

of the Grafton Volunteer Fire Department

was the hardest thing I've ever done,

and the most rewarding.

And it helped me figure out

something really interesting about fear.

Fear is like a hologram.

It seems real, filled with substance.

And then, when you go beyond it,

you realize it's just an illusion.