Original subtitles

Used all my options, worked off my dues.

Played all the cards, now there's nothing to lose.

Don't want tomorrow to be like today.

That's why I'm breaking away.

Not trying to run, not trying to hide.

What can I win if I'm losing my pride?

Falling tomorrow.

like today.

That's why I'm breaking away.

Breaking away.

Got to find a better way.

Till the time you fall down again.

I'll be today.

Look, man.

That Eric do now, man, he's spread them like marge when it should be spread like

butter.

Here we go, lads.

Another Friday afternoon lecture on the deficiency of German workmanship.

I'm just making a comment, aren't I?

You know, I was a craftsman, like.

No, you're not. You just can't stand bloody Germans, man. Yeah, what was it

week, Capaldon?

Shuddering. Scotland took me to you.

Look, man.

All I'm saying is, I wouldn't like to live in them houses when they're

I mean, in a couple of years' time, the walls of them will have more holes in

than Newcastle United's back four.

Well, in which case, there'll be a little bit more mobile, won't there?

where the term jerry -built comes from, you know. Oh, get away, my rubbish.

It is, man.

That's common sense, isn't it? Jerry -built.

Built by Germans.

Craft quality.

Substandard. We did a pretty good job with that Berlin wall, Oz.

Dividing the city overnight.

Aye.

Can't argue with that one.

Aye.

Ah, but that was lads from the east, wasn't it?

Union labour.

Not untrained scabs like what we're working with here. Shush, man. Keep it

I'm right. I'm right. I know I'm right, man.

Here. Here's a bloke who'll know.

Buddy.

No, buddy.

Settle an argument, will you?

You know the term jerry -bills?

Well, I see that comes from the fact that Crowsville's such crap -holders.

you could put him straight, Paddy, would you?

Matter of fact, I can, don't you?

The term jerry -bills has actually got a biblical source.

Biblical? Where do you get that from?

Westborough's in districts only better than Squid Lake, mate.

Hot cats in there, I tell you, for two years already.

Would have made three, you know, but... No, I mean, I was used to that. But not

one of the children of the Methodist hierarchy.

Denzel Robinson, his name was.

Made me sick in it. He was always off the more position as captain.

But, oh, no, he got it in the end because he was the bloody Virgil's son.

it significant, doesn't he? Let's get the point for you. Go on, go on.

Now,

it's all to do with the war with Jericho, sir.

What about him?

Now, Jericho was a city in ancient Israel, aren't you?

Now, Joshua and the Israelites were laying siege to it, right? Because it

been captured by somebody else. I can't remember who it was. Anyway, one day,

Joshua got a hot tip from our Lord, right?

And proceeded to march his men round and round the city walls, right?

Round and round they went for seven days, right?

And at the end of that, they ring the city walls, right?

and gave an almighty blast on their trumpets.

And the walls fell down.

Trumpet? Well, was it the Jewel House Orchestra? No, no, listen, listen,

The combine noise of those trumpets, right, caused this amazing sonic

which caused the walls to collapse, right?

Hence, built like Jericho, it's a term of abuse, right?

Hence, we have the term... Jerry built.

There you go.

You can't argue with a Bible scholar.

Well, them walls couldn't have been very strong in the first place if a few

blasts of a trumpet knocked them down, could they?

Probably built by a German firm.

Aye, there they go.

Off to their nice, comfortable home.

Aye. They'll have a big tea waiting for them.

Bath of home and beer.

Clippers warmed by the fire.

Feet up in front of Coronation Strassen and a quick bit of the old leg over on

the city.

Is that all you think about, Wig?

Second. Only when I'm awake, Muxy. At night when I'm dreaming, I think of

carpentry, don't I?

Right, what's it going to be tonight, boys, then?

A nice bit of gourmet cooking out the hut and then a couple of gals will be at

the club, eh? That's a good idea, Ros. We haven't done that for 24 hours.

Actually, Dennis, is it on a very serious point here, you know?

I've been reading this book recently about health food, see, and I reckon our

dietary habits leave a lot to be desired, I don't mind, especially from

point of view of roughage.

What's roughage?

Roughage? It's my look.

Well, how can I put it?

Look, if your bowels were jerry -card, roughage would be a trumpet.

Oh, centipede drink.

No, not quite. No, it's thinking more on the lines of...

Brand? Order?

Nah, nice vegetable curry.

Ah, it's a pretty one, isn't it, Boris? Still, you could always nip out to

Bradford for a takeaway.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Buttwedge, come, please, telephone.

For me?

Come on, Bummer. For me little ones, you've won the jackpot.

That'll be my luck, I ain't.

Let my money with you now.

Aye, sure.

Hey, Bummer!

You're part of your family, man. That's going to make a big noise of any Indian

restaurants.

Ah, there.

I'll leave you alone. It's your wife. My wife?

Hello, Patsy.

What's the matter, girl?

You know something, Wayne?

They're truly disgusting, they do.

That's increased.

There's nothing wrong with sausages, Barry.

You know, of course, I do need a lot of meat to keep the old pecker up.

So I can understand why you two don't appreciate their final point. Any

aphrodisiacal qualities that those bangers may possess can be equally well

obtained from various herbs and spices.

Oh, you mean like that, you know, ginseng stuff?

What's up, Moxie?

Ginseng. China's magical root.

Yeah. What do I want ginseng for when I can get a magical root with free gin and

oranges?

Cheap sexual innuendo can't destroy my argument, Wayne.

Fancy one, Mox? Oh, yeah, great.

Fat, grease, gristle equals acne and heart attacks, Moxie.

Maybe not, then, mate.

Anybody got any spare coins, lads? I'll be phoning Brenda later.

Aye, there's some there on the check number.

Cheers, Dad.

Go on.

Here.

Get the bones out.

I don't know why I'm coughing up.

Don't go along with all this soppy behaviour.

It isn't soppy, Oz.

It happens to be a gesture of affection between two people who are reluctantly

parted, that's all.

I don't expect you to understand that.

What do you mean by that, like?

You know fine well what I mean. What?

Well, the only time your marjorie ever gets a phone call out to you is when

you're wanting money sending.

That's not true.

I rang on Monday to find out the FAA cup draw, didn't I? Oh, pack it in, man,

will you? It's like bloody sin. Trinny's in here some nights.

I'm sorry. It's him I'm talking to, man, not you.

It would be me, wouldn't it? Oh, I'm sorry, Oz. It's me, man.

It's just Friday nights I get really pissed off, you know?

I mean, you work every hour that God sends to try and scrape together a

few quid, and the only way you can get through the boring bloody weekends in

this horrible hut is to blow all the money you've earned.

Ah, you're right, Lee.

It's a vicious circle, that's what it is.

What you need is a good skimple of beer, eh?

That'll soon cheer you up.

I'm going over to the club for an apple juice. Anybody come in? Yeah, as soon as

me barnet's ready, yeah.

Hello.

Hey, Wayne.

You want that last baguette?

I thought the idea of a scouser on health food was a bit unlikely.

Help yourself, sir. Oh, great. Cheers.

Oh, wait.

Go on, Cole.

How much is this going to cost, Brenda?

How much?

No, no, I'm not complaining, Brenda.

I think what the doctor's trying to say is we live now and play later, is that

it? That's the way it works. Yes, we live today without the consequences of

tomorrow. You're right, you know, Wayne. All that searching you get up to. Take

it so one day, you know, your body will be wracked with antisocial diseases.

Well, if it is, mate, I'll cop for a bit of compensation, won't I? Well, I

hardly think the clap counts as an industrial injury.

I don't know. I don't know. I work hard enough for it, don't I? All right.

I'm off, lads. I'll see you tomorrow.

Got to find a young lady down in the old town now, all right?

Hey, don't go by, little one.

She makes you pay now and live later.

All right.

Bye, man.

Hello, bro.

Looks like it.

Okay, Pat.

Poor little bud, he must be working overtime tonight.

Well then.

Oh, sorry, I already played at an Indian restaurant on the Hofburgstrasse the

other night.

Oh, no, no. Hey, never mind about the restaurant, man. What about the phone

call?

Oh, it was nothing. Pat didn't play for me at all that time. She was just

wondering if I knew where he might be.

Nothing? Nothing?

Bloody long phone call to play hunter's slipper, wasn't it, eh?

What's business, my noise? Well, you've just... It's Bummer's business, eh?

What, you're a guy from Currie, then? Yeah, aye, man.

Aye, I'm going, all right.

What about you, Bummer?

He thinks I'd give it a miss, actually. Then we West Country folk don't go much

on East Country, Rob.

Well, go on for a curry and have it coming.

Oh, no, I can't, lad. Sorry.

Brendan's putting a squeeze on us around.

Oh, man.

I've got to think of some way of saving more money. All right.

What's the after now?

Some bit of a bloody difficulty.

My wife's domestic priorities are between me and her, all right, Moxie?

lads, lads, man, lads, this is getting ridiculous, this, man.

I mean, what happened to the musketeer spirit?

Yeah, I would all turn into a lot of greedy little bastards, ain't we? Look,

boys, I'm sure in the normal circumstances, both Bummer and Neville

to accompany us to the restaurant, right?

But tonight it's just not possible, OK?

Well, I think their behaviour is downright antisocial.

Where do you say the restaurant was, Bob?

We're going to be stuck with Buddy and Moxie, aren't we?

Hofburgstrasse, near the library.

The Clever, I think it's called. The Clever, right.

Is that the name of the restaurant or the library?

No.

Would you believe it, eh?

Home from home.

Flockwall paper.

Tiger.

You ain't got any on guitar?

No.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Good evening.

Four tables, please.

How, please?

Table for four, please.

Four.

Oh, a table for four people.

Take them, please. Ah, that's it, that's it. Do you not speak any English?

Do you speak any English?

Wait a moment.

Would you credit it, eh?

Indian waiter? What, can't I speak English?

Aye, well, we are in Germany, Oz.

Exactly. So why isn't he speaking English? I mean, he's one of us, isn't

I mean, this is a curry house, isn't it?

Can't I get much more British than that, can you, eh?

Oz, how many times have I been out for a curry with you in England?

I don't know. I hope it doesn't. Aye, on each occasion, no matter where we've

been, you call the Indian waiter and say, that's a boo.

Or gunga din, you know?

But now we're in Germany, you expect us Indian lads?

To treat you like some long -lost brother.

So what, like?

You would have made a great imperialist, you would.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Please.

I don't believe it.

The whole menu's in German.

There's only one word I understand here.

Biryani.

I don't even know what that is in English.

What's, um, what's Bombay car topping?

Here, here, give it, give it, give it. I'll handle it.

Oh, Sabu, come here.

Yeah? Never mind, um, look, we want two beers, right?

Swine beer?

Yeah.

Jug of water for these two.

Yeah, a bit of water.

Yeah, sorry. And, uh... Four chicken curries with rice.

Curry rice? Aye, curry rice. That's it, my chicken. You know, chicken.

Yeah, yeah, I used to say that, Les. Right.

Sounded, eh?

Spoke English all the time.

Cheers, Bob.

Cheers, Neville.

There must be some way I can save a bit more of me money.

Aye, this is it. Sitting in at night, feeling bloody miserable.

Working man's entitled to his leisure, Neville.

Shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I know, I know.

It's just, if I earned a bit more, you know, I wouldn't feel so guilty about

going out with a lad.

Don't be so sure.

Bomber's first law of economics is the more income he gives me, the more I live

beyond it.

Perhaps you could do the little spare time job.

Bit of moonlighting.

Fuck chance.

Anyway, what are you doing in at night, Bom?

You're not saving as well, are you?

Not exactly.

Bommer just needs to think about that's all.

I don't want to pry, Bom, but, well, if there's any problem, you know.

She's a problem.

Tracy, my 16 -year -old.

What's the matter, like?

She ran away from home.

Oh, no.

Might be nothing. Of course she left a note.

Didn't say she ran off with a used car salesman or some big group.

So what are you going to do?

Phone the police?

We've already did that this morning.

I've heard nothing by Sunday.

I'll have to go back.

I'll have a word with the lads and we'll have a whip round for your plane ride.

Oh, thanks, Neville, but don't do that.

Don't want everyone on faces, do we?

No, I suppose not.

Hey, do you fancy a beer over the club?

I thought you were trying to save your money.

Well, I am, but it doesn't seem that important now.

Don't cry.

The thing about Indian food is, Roger, it's very, very, very low in

carbohydrates.

So that, combined with the various herbs and spices used in the cooking process,

it all makes up for a very, very healthy diet, you see. All right.

So how come that house so skinny, then?

Skinny? Well, where are we, Manderley? Whip it.

That's what you'll be like without that ale, Gus.

Hey, hey, this is all muscle, this, son.

You know, like the stuff between your lugs.

Well, here we go.

Oh, steaming that chicken curry.

Far be it from me to cast aspersions on your undoubted talent as a mame artist,

but that's not chicken.

It's prawn.

Prawn? Ah, you know, man. Prawn?

What, you laughing at?

Oh,

here comes the curry brigade.

I thought you had a quiet night in.

Ah, well, we're in here. It's quiet, isn't it?

How'd it go? All right? Good going? He never spoke any English, man. None of

them. Just German.

Never got one damn thing asked for. I told him, like, I said, look, we're not

coming back here until you get a waiter on who can speak the King's English. I

know, but he didn't speak English, did he? So that was a waste of time. He

hadn't started clapping your hands with him like an hysterical owl. I wouldn't

have dead guts now. Well, I noticed you never left none. I've got some sides,

cocked for some sides from the herb garden I'm going to grab.

Percy throwed it us all off.

Yeah, how do you know what the seeds are if they couldn't even get the food

right? I'd like to end up with a good big beanstalk.

Go on Mark, I don't care.

Beanstalk!

Hey!

Hold on lads, man, there's a man outside.

Had a curry last night.

What do you reckon the soil's like?

I'll let you know when I find some, shall I?

It's all industrial slurry, this is, you know.

Oh, very reminiscent of Tipton.

Our family had an allotment back home, you know.

Yeah?

That's very important, that is, you know. Yeah, traditional right of the

working class, that is.

What sort of things did you grow? Oh, I didn't grow nothing.

Dad used it to bury all the Gary, Nick from Ford's.

Oh, I see.

So you're telling me one day... A little Cortina Mark 3 will sprout forth.

Hello.

Who's died in the night, then, eh? The original one, yeah. Only the fifth

to make that remark in the last ten minutes. All right, all right.

So, what you doing, eh? Come on.

We all found a curry elf last night. Give us some seeds.

Put one in the nave garden.

Oh, yeah, well, listen, son.

Put me down for a couple of sprigs of the old bulb. I haven't had a decent

since I've been out here, have I? Typical, that is, isn't it, eh?

Here we are, trying to produce life -enhancing vegetation.

All you can think about is mind -destroying drugs.

Oh, well, please yourself, son. Listen, I wouldn't go playing up the whole site,

you know.

They might want to build on it. It is theirs, after all, you know. Well, if

that's the case, we'll make a personal plea to Herr Grunwald, won't we?

Aye.

Ask him to change his plans in the interests of conservation.

Hey, Nev, I'm going down for a beer. Have you found someone down the club?

No, thanks, mate. I'm on a bit of an economy drive.

Oi, keep off the grass.

All right, lads?

Hey, Nev, Nev, Nev, herb garden.

Oh.

How's it going, then? Oh, great.

We're almost ready to put the seeds in. Do you want to give us a hand to plant

some seeds?

No, I can't, Barry. Got to go into town, plant a few seeds in me one.

What do you mean by that?

What's your after dinner?

Radio 2, family favourites. It's all changed now, you know.

Divvy David on Sunday lunchtime.

Ah, sod that.

Hey, what happened to the sultry voice of Jean Metcalfe? Eh?

BFP or Düsseldorf would do her.

Part of the great British Sunday, if she was.

It was a beer haircut, wasn't it? Well, how were you, lad?

How did you win?

I couldn't find anybody to play with, could I?

I could win for everybody, mate. A Turk man has shied off.

Set up some sort of religious holiday or something.

What, like a Sunday to me? Aye, so we just had to give him a three -podge

game at the side of the hut.

Hey, I hope you didn't trample over that air, Jan.

Was that real, boys? I thought it was a secure part.

Aye.

No more Jean Metcalfe.

Part of my grown -up process, she was.

The sound of her voice, the smell of beef roasted in the kitchen, it'd go

in hand.

A glass of shandy with Grandad.

Then into the parlour for our Sunday dinner.

Then a hot bath where we'd sing something simple.

Then pretend to do homework while Pickle the Pops was on.

Ah, Sundays were really bloody boring when I was a kid.

Any kind of lad, they're going to make a big call.

Oh, what am I doing telling me? You're getting all soppy and slavish, aren't

you? Oh, dear me, you're in good mood to laugh along, aren't you?

Hooray! How's it going, lads? How's it going, mate?

I've got three marks of associate in strike violence and sex. Ah, it's not

a football, eh?

Well, lads, one, three, one, are we there?

Hey, us, us, what are Emma's do, eh? Er, one, one, come with me.

Four, one again, Moxie. Oh, great.

Three, no, no, please.

Stopping them, is it?

Oh. Oh, man, you know what you've went with, don't you?

These are the pretty Scottish editions, man.

I'm going to read them all out to you and don't tell your pillock. Oh, great,

great, yes. I don't want to trap the two of you.

Give me bloody nosepipes.

Great.

Hello, Patsy.

Right,

OK, then, my love.

I'll see what I can do.

It might have to be the train, though, because I'm a bit strapped at the

I'll call you again later from wherever I got.

Okay. Bye -bye.

What's this look?

It's towards your flight home from the lodge.

Nothing? Palmer.

Oh, Palmer.

I'm so glad to see you.

All right, girl, all right. Is there any news at all?

No, nothing.

Oh, the police come round last night after you phoned. They wanted a photo of

her. Well, they're on to something.

No. It was just routine, they said.

Oh, come on.

Some keen -eyed young couple's probably spotted her even now.

Oh, God, I wish they had.

Oh. I wish they had.

He'll be all right.

What about a nice cup of tea, huh?

The young 'uns gone to school?

Yeah, you just missed them.

They said they'd come back at dinner time to see you.

Well, go on, then. Sit yourself down.

I'll make the tea.

Right. Watch it. This man's near my bones, mate.

I couldn't get the bed off my fucks this morning.

I don't want to go on with it.

Never usually this bad of a Monday morning. What time did you come in last

night? I must have been late because I was in bed at midnight. You weren't, eh?

Just as well, isn't it?

Always the last way to talk.

Just answer the question, eh?

Half one.

Half one?

Huh? We don't do half one.

No?

No?

Walking late.

Walking late?

Aye?

Ah, well, I suppose it's one way of saving up money.

Aye, I'm keeping fit.

Hey, how is that bull come of yours?

Odd?

Who's that bull come of?

Come on over here.

You fall out the wrong side of the coffin.

Aye, well, you see, Odd reckons that you're letting the hood spirit down by

going off on your own.

So as a matter of his disapproval, he sent you to Coventry.

Or whatever the German equivalent of Coventry is, Dresden.

Thanks, my love.

What did this note of Tracy say, then?

She said... Nobody cares about me here, so I'm going somewhere else.

Don't worry.

What does she mean, nobody cares?

I don't know.

The two of you haven't been rucking, have you?

Bummer.

We hardly see enough of each other to say hello, never mind have a ruck.

I'm so busy, we only meet in the kitchen at breakfast and tea time.

Evening, she's doing her own work, and I'm asleep in this armchair from

exhaustion.

If she had something on her mind, I'd be a fat lot of use to her.

But then I'm the only one she's got at home now.

Oh, I thought this would wind up my end of the table.

And why shouldn't it?

If you'd been here instead of in Germany, none of this would have

I'd have been here instead of in Germany if there wouldn't be any here. The

bloody bailiffs have had us all out by now.

You don't think I enjoy working abroad, do you? Not much.

Being separated from you and the kids is the price I have to pay for keeping our

heads above water. Life of Riley, that's what you lead out there, Bomber. Don't

think I don't know that.

Patsy, for pity's sake.

Our daughter's gone missing and listened to us.

Now, I know you've got a lot on your plate, girl.

Grace knows it.

But if I were to come back here to go on the dole, I'd drag you all under with

me.

I'm so worried I've got to take it out on someone.

I know, girl.

I know.

All right, boy?

I'm right, sir.

Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah.

Well, why do we ordinary mortals have to put up with a cup of coffee in a bar of

Toblerone?

Wayne's idea of tippy is entirely different.

Yeah, well, son, she's been hanging around here for half an hour, so she

want something, eh?

I've heard of rock groupies, Wayne, but never cement groupies.

There, Barry, I'll use that as my opening line.

I wonder if you can grow bromide.

Good and tug?

Huh?

Here you go.

Sorry, I don't speak German.

Hey, you're a long way from home, aren't you?

What is it? Netball tour of Europe or something, darling? No.

I come to see my dad. He works here.

Oh, yeah?

Bummer, but he's cold.

I'm Tracy.

Oh. Got news for you, Tracy.

He's not here, is he?

No, he took off last night. Back to Bristol to try and find you.

Well, bugger it.

Yeah.

Um... Well, look, you can't hang round here, love. There's loads of randy turds

on this site. You'd better come up then.

Take this. Now, there's a bar down the road. You can get a nice cup of coffee

and a game of pinball.

Uh, if you hang on there till one o 'clock, me and some of your dad's mates

come and sort it out, all right? Oh, stop.

What's your name, then?

Wayne, isn't it?

Thank you, Wayne.

See you at one, then.

Mind how you go, love.

Where's your fancy gal tonight?

Dennis?

Every day you ask the same daft questions. Look, man, it's 11 o 'clock

morning, man. So what, mate? Why can't we not just get through the day before

start thinking about the night, eh? Well, that's the only way I can get

the day, man, thinking about the night, you know.

It's like the carrot and donkey principle, isn't it?

Beer and donkey more like. Shut your face, you.

All right.

Mine and Dennis' social activities have got nothing to do with killjoys.

I'm not a killjoy.

I've just got to change my priorities for a couple of weeks or so. Aye, aye. I

don't suppose they include coming out on the drink with your mates, do they? Are

you talking to us now, are you?

What's Brenda got you serving up for that's so important, eh? Must be bloody

important if you ditch your own good -working mates, are it? I thought I was

supposed to be in company.

Are you good?

Omin's daughter's here.

Eh? We're here.

And between you, me and the gatepost, mate, she's the right piece of jailbait.

Where is she?

Hello, Wade. Hey, Phil.

Do you want to know who's dead?

Um, Tracy, these are Sonny and Dad's mates. That's Neville, Oz and Dennis.

Hello. Hello, look.

Right then, come on, let's go and have a sit down, shall we?

OK, over here.

That's it. Right.

See what you mean about jail, bit.

Oh, get the beers in, will you? Right, right, yeah.

Can you have a Coke or a 7 -Up? Oh, I'll have another William Schnapps, please.

My dad told me all about it. Nice, isn't it? Right.

Coke. Well, she's just said she wants... So, how did you get here, then, Pat?

I hitched, got a jug nut from Swindon right over to Bremmerang.

He was called Wayne, too, only that was his last name.

Now then, I take it that you know your dad's not here, Tracy?

Yeah, silly, so I've gone back home.

Well, I mean, he only did that because he was worried about you, you know.

There was no need to worry. I'm 16.

I'm old enough to look after myself.

Mm -hmm.

Um, what are you going to do then, love, eh?

Well, uh, obviously I think we should phone Bomber and let him know that

safe. In the meantime, I think you should stay with us.

Now then, uh... I know you're a big girl, Tracy, but this is a foreign

you see.

Does that mean I can stay in your hotel?

Hotel? Yeah, my mum said that's where you all live.

It's got a bar and video games. The pool's empty just now, Pat.

Hey, how are we going to get her in past the Erics, eh?

I mean, we can't leave her here all afternoon, can we?

Did any of you ever see Albert or Anne?

Seen Albert Bennett?

Oh, what a centre forward he was.

Right, never listen.

Look over and warn Barry and Moxie we've got a lady guest, right? That means no

swearing, no swanning around bare arsed, no breaking wind, right? Unless it's

one of these, the shoots, OK?

All that applies to you, Oz, in fact, especially to you.

All right, all right, I know how to go on, man. In another thing and all, let's

have all those pornographic pinups off your locker, right?

That's not pornography, Dennis, that's art. But throw in October's art!

Look, I'm going out the phone bombery. Just get them off.

It's a bit rummy in here, isn't it?

Basic like.

Yeah, that's just how the estate agent described it. Loved basic.

Still, it's nice that the company gives you somewhere to rest during the day.

Save going back to the hotel, I suppose.

Dennis. Dennis.

Oh, thank God for that. She's safe.

What? Yes.

Yes. Oh, I think that's the best as well. Oh, bummer.

I'll head straight back there now. Come on.

Cheers, Dennis. Bummer.

And thanks.

Whatever's happened. You'll never guess what. Tracy turned up there this morning

looking for me.

In Germany?

Yeah, all the way over there by herself.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Will she be all right?

She'll be fine, don't worry. She's standing up with Dennis and Neville.

Huh.

And Wayne.

And Oz.

Hey, Dennis, have you thought about where this lass is going to chip?

Ah, yeah, I think we should put Bomber's bed into the storeroom by the night.

It's out of the way from the rest of the home.

I'll put her in there, man. It's full of dirty old bags of cement and plaster.

It's filthy, man.

It's you I'm putting in there, man, not her.

Ah, did you catch up with Barry and Moxie? Aye.

Hey, should I have seen Barry's face? He blushed bright pink.

The mucky's away down the town to get him to sell a new pair of pyjamas.

Well, I can't see what I'd fuss about, mate. Look, man, it is for the one

Nobody's fussing.

We've just got to make this lass welcome, you know, make sure she doesn't

into any trouble.

Yeah, make sure she doesn't go to the sack.

Mr. Pepperson.

Oh, James.

This is a pleasant surprise.

What can we do for you?

You can tell me where Boss Wedge is.

Well, Mr. Bushbridge, you had to go back to England to sort out a...

Little domestic problem, but he'll be back in time for work tomorrow.

Why was this not reported to me?

Well, we didn't think it was necessary for the one night, like, you know.

But I might have wanted to make a replacement.

You must keep me informed. I need to know everything that happens on the

Don't worry, Mr. Ulrich. We'll not not tell you about anything else.

I hope so, Oswald. I hope so.

Oh, one other thing.

There are strange happenings at the hut.

What sort of happenings?

A patch of earth has been dug up and cordoned off.

Why? Oh, that's just a few of the lads making a little garden for themselves,

you know.

Try and brighten the place up a bit, like.

Oh, yes, I've heard of this English passion for gardening, but I did not

to see it on the German building site.

Well, this is our little home now, Harold Rick.

We've got to make the best of it. Well, you may continue with your work.

Very kind of you.

Kind? Probably thought we were digging a tunnel, me.

I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed your walkman.

You help yourself, darling. You all right?

You be faulty, eh? Do you like them, dear? Yeah, them and Martin.

And Kim Wildacott.

Do you like her?

Likes putting it mildly, innit? And her records ain't too bad, either.

I borrowed one of your magazines as well. Oh, you'll go blind, you will.

So, you been all right?

Do you cope all right in here, hmm? Yeah, but I'm going to go to the toilet.

You must be, mustn't you? Well, look, if you can hang on for five minutes,

darling, we'll organise something, because, er, they'll have to be back in

minute.

Oh, that's a pity.

Yeah, right, well, um, first one in always brews up.

I already made a pass.

I was expecting to see.

You're a proper little housewife, you are, aren't you?

Oh, a cup of tea with him, will you?

Oh, me throat is dry as a vulture's pot.

Oh, I mean, I'm very thirsty.

Come and say hello to Tracey.

Oh, Tracey.

Very pleased to make your acquaintance.

Hello.

Wayne was wrong about you. You don't have a bad complexion at all.

No, no, no. That's my mate, Moxie.

Right there.

Yeah, yeah, that's me, yeah.

Here, Den, Tracy would like to make use of the facilities, you know.

Oh, of course, Peck.

Yes, the thing is, we'll just have to make sure that they're not occupied. You

see, this is a men -only site, you see.

Oz! What?

Escort Tracy down to the amenities hut, will you?

What amenities hut's this?

The car's a yaburg.

And once you make sure it's empty, make sure it stays empty, right?

Guard the door.

Right. Now then, there. Yes, you'd better put your disguise on, OK?

Now then, there shouldn't be any management about.

Work here and have a look, you know.

OK, then?

Right.

Straight ahead.

Straight up there.

I reckon we should go down to the club.

Yeah, hold on. Hold on, what are we going to do about Tracy, eh? We can't

her down to the club, apart from six geezers and one bird looking a bit

mate. She can probably drink us right under the table, eh? Yes, I know, I

That's exactly why you're going to stay here and look after her. Me?

Wayne? Yes, Wayne. I mean, look, man, you've got much more in common with her

than anybody else.

I mean, things like music and hair, earrings.

Hold on, Dennis. I don't mean to be rude, but is Wayne really the right

babysit a 16 -year -old girl?

Yeah, a little bit like putting the rat in charge of the chaise, Lord.

I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted by you lot. Look, I can't do

it, can I? I mean, I'm nearly old enough to be a father.

I mean, Neville, he'd be the obvious choice.

But he's grown out again, hasn't he?

I mean...

I mean, Barry and Moxley, I mean, they'd bore the poor girl to death with a herb

talk, wouldn't they?

And Gardner bogged doors about the limit of Oz's responsibility.

So that just leaves you, son.

Yeah, well, I can see your reasoning then, but look, you can't have helped

notice that Tracey's a bit of a... You know, she's a bit of a come -on, isn't

she? Yes, I know.

And who better to cope with her than a man of the world like you, Wayne?

I got it.

It's like them American TV films in here, you know, where they get an ex

go after the bad guy.

Cos he's the one who knows how they think.

Moxie, you've just hit the nail right on the head, son.

Oh, well, thank you for that tribute, Moxie.

So you all trust me, then, is that it?

Of course we trust you.

Look, I mean, you know that she's Bomber's daughter, don't you? And you

that we've put our complete trust and faith in you.

And you know that if you lay so much as one finger on her, we'll have your plums

on a skewer.

No, no, he can't get it.

It's kaput. It's kaput and nothing.

Back, you lot have gone back. No, no, no, back, back.

Just me when you get excited about it, man, you blokes. I only get one bath a

year. Just me, Shaquille.

What, today's the day, is it?

Oh, yeah.

Thanks a lot, mate.

Here we go, love.

The perfect TV dinner. All we need now is a TV.

I did not. They have McDonald's in Germany.

Oh, yeah, they're everywhere, love. Today, Germany. Tomorrow, the world.

Right, that's Ina Grotha. Mac, meat, French fries, curtsy. I buried a radish

his delivery bike. Oh, child.

I, uh... Oh, I did not set him calling him back.

Ah, you're all right, love.

It was used to a lot worse.

Don't I get one?

What would your dad say, eh? Get stuck in, girl, I should think.

All right, then. Just the one, though, eh?

I suspect you think I'm a right prat going on about that hotel.

I just didn't twig that you all actually lived in here.

Er... No.

We find it a bit hard to believe ourselves, love.

That was my mum's fault, see?

She told me Dad was over here having a whale at the time.

Eh? Well, now you're no different, don't you?

I mean, we'd go out for the odd drink and the occasional meal and that.

That's only so as we can get out of this place, though.

Suppose you see a lot of girls.

No, not really.

Well, in just three or four a week, you know.

I reckon it's the earring and the accent they go for, you know.

Well, it can't be anything else, can it?

Oh, I don't know.

I think you're very attractive.

Yeah? I don't think you should be talking to your babysitter like that,

Don't you fancy me that?

Yeah, of course I do.

It just so happens you're the daughter of a much -valued workmate.

And I'm under oath, aren't I?

Apart from the threat of castration to behave myself.

Nobody would know, though, would they?

Look, Tracy, can we drop this, love?

Drop what?

This Lolita act.

Not now!

Of course it is. I know when a bird's for real or not. And your line is

out of Tracy or my guy, whatever you call them teenage magazines.

What I'm trying to say is, love, you're a 16 -year -old schoolgirl.

I mean, you're not a raver.

You're not an heavy drinker or a foul -mouthed slagget. So why come on like

now? Just eat your chips.

Because it helps me get noticed.

My mum's too busy with the other kids to listen to me and my dad's never around.

What am I supposed to do? Grow up by myself?

Look, Tracy, none of us is here to get away from our families, you know.

Well, Oz is, and there's, you know, Dennis' problem to a certain extent, but

Bomber.

He's doing it all for you, sweetheart.

And, well, you could make it all worthwhile, couldn't you, by making him

proud of you.

I know.

I don't really want to hurt him. He's a great bloke.

I suppose I just want to be sure he still cares about me.

Yeah, all right.

I don't think they'd make a doubt about that.

It's Tracy.

Hey,

now you tell your dad exactly what you told me, eh? And I'll see you down the

bar for a quick lemonade. Oh, thanks, Wayne.

Anytime, son.

It'll be two apple juices, please.

How's your willpower getting on, Moxie? He looks as though he's had enough

ridicule to me, son.

Have a smell of that.

He's going, he's going.

I'm sorry, Barry, but that's a murder of pain.

I think that'll be just a one -up.

You know what you are, don't you, Moxie? You're a Judas.

Ah, that was the word I was trying to think of tonight.

Aye, well, it's your Bible again, you see. It's not your strong point. I was

wanting to call Neville that.

What's Neville done to incur your wrath then, eh? Well, he's not here, is he?

Three nights running this year now.

I'm not coming out. I want to go for a walk.

That's because the man is trying to save up some money, my lord.

And considering that's where most of his money goes, that's the best place to

make economy.

Personally, I'd maybe as well follow me.

But what's that got to do with him not coming out on a drink?

Here they are, the happy wanderers. What are you going to have?

How about you, Tracy?

Coke, please, please.

We'll get us nuts down you go.

No, thanks, Dad. I'm only 16, remember?

The coke will be fine.

I'm putting this young lady in a hotel tonight so she can catch the first train

back in the morning.

Any of you lads fancy the bait to eat in town?

Milky bars are on me.

Oh, no, hey, mate.

Hey, that's just what we need.

Celebration, right. Well, we're going to go anywhere that flogs state or DME.

How about you, Big Mac?

Can I make a suggestion? Can I make a suggestion that in order to avoid the

outbreak of a civil war like... No.

Can I suggest that, you know, try to...

It's all right. Good idea. What do you think, madam?

Well, I know they sound silly, but I'd really like a curry.

I don't think they have them in Germany, though.

That's just where you're wrong, actually, Tracy. No, actually, that's

you're wrong.

Good night.

Oh, table for seven.

Seven, huh? Seven.

Moment.

Just pull it to you.

Very nice.

Very nice. Hey, I'll tell you what, we should get Barry a Vindaloo, eh? I'll

him back on the old beer. Get him back on the port -a -loo, you know.

Very funny.

Great, listen, I shall handle it this time, OK? We don't want your give -us -a

-clue routine upsetting the waiter.

All right, Lionel? All right, all right, all right. Oh, well, let's get out.

Hey, Sabo!

Bloody hell, it's Clive of India.

I've heard of the North West frontier, but never the North East.

That's the way you've been doing it. Go on, get them all over the way. Oh, I

should think we've only just started, by all.

Just because I show a bit of initiative and get myself a part -time job.

What on earth is Brenda saving for to reduce you to this, eh? Well, you must

know it's our fifth wedding anniversary later this year. I thought it'd be nice

if we had a second honeymoon.

Trust me on that. Lovely.

Give it a rest, Wayne, man, will you? So where were you thinking of going? New

Delhi?

That's probably the same as the first time, Minocca.

I still don't know where Minocca is yet. Well, how do you think I feel? Neither

do I.

How much do you need then?

Oh, that's just it. I've nearly got enough, Dennis. I'm just seeing out the

week. I never thought you lot would find out.

Well, I tell you what, you'll get your order right tonight. Well, I'll put a

good tip in, won't I, lad? Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Look, now that we've

got that sorted out, come on, we're going to... Come and get it.

Hey, have they got any chicken?

You know, chicken on the... Hey,

buddy.

Moxie. You better get outside.

The birds are eating all the ass seeds.

Go on.

Moxie.

Moxie, Moxie.

Quick, Moxie.

Stroller, look, really, could have killed a lot of it.

Working on the sign in the morning tonight That's living all right, that's

living all right

What the...