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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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HE GRUNTS
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SHE GASPS
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VARIOUS GASPS
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Shut up!
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Oh, be care... Oh.
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ALEX GROWLS
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello!
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Welcome, everybody.
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I'm Greg Davies,
and this is Taskmaster.
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Lazy journalists often ask me,
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"Hey, Greg, what would you be like
as a competitor on Taskmaster?"
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And my answer is always the same.
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"Does your mum like being kissed
with that dirty mouth?
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"Huh?! Does she?!"
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I'm the Taskmaster!
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00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,920
Before every series,
I spend six months training
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with Shaolin monks in
the hills of China.
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What should I use my jacked body
to throw toilet paper
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00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,640
around Gatwick airport?
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Should I use these skills to throw
cottage pie through a big pipe?
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Ahh!
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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I doubt it!
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Fortunately for you,
there are five people here
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who will take on such challenges.
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They are Dara O Briain...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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..Fern Brady...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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..John Kearns...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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..Munya Chawawa...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,720
..and Sarah Millican.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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And next to me, the man who has
the answer to the question,
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"What do you get if you cross
a really boring chemistry teacher
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"with another really boring
chemistry teacher?"
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HIGH-PITCHED: It's...
little Alex Horne!
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Thanks, everyone. Hi, Greg.
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Hello.
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Ooh! I love spending time with you.
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Banter time. Let's do it.
Let's do one.
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L-Let's just play a game of, erm,
of minds, noughts, and crosses.
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Do you want to do that?
Could you? Would you?
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Sure. OK. I'm noughts.
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OK.
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LAUGHTER
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Is it my go? Uh-huh.
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I wouldn't have done that.
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LAUGHTER
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It's your board.
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OK.
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Oh, no. Yeah.
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WHISPERS: Alex?
Yes, Greg?
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I've got an erection.
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LAUGHTER
Oh.
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Right! On with the prize task.
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Well, this week,
you've asked them to bring in
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the best fancy dress.
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Greg will judge the best fancy
dress, and then, the winner of
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the episode will take home
five very fancy dresses.
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Simple as that. Right. Fern.
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I am dressed as an alien
dressed as a Scottish man.
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Yes, this is Fern's fancy dress.
Have a look.
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LAUGHTER
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Oh-ho, my God!
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You know when you get these, like,
educational films for children?
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This was a film where -
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there's a Scottish book called
The Cone Gatherers
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about two brothers.
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And for some reason,
I was an alien that inhabited
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the character of the book.
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But I'm not what people
would call a thespian,
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and I got shot dead in the end.
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Right. Wh-Why was the alien shot?
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I was shot cos I wasn't meant to be
gathering cones in the forest.
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I feel like possibly
my drinks have been spiked.
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Incredible. Good luck, Dara.
LAUGHTER
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I brought in a, er,
plague doctor's mask.
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This is Dara wearing
his plague doctor's costume.
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Ooh, I find that
immediately unsettling.
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00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,880
We have got a close-up of the mask.
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That's the actual mask,
the plague doctor's mask.
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But the plague doctors mask
has no air holes in it,
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so really quickly,
the windows steam up, er,
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and you have to keep reaching your
hand into it and windscreen wiping
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the little glass windows.
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So that was bad.
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I then started lifting it up
onto my head, so people go,
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"What, are you a unicorn?"
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That's genuinely creepy.
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It's quite a thing. John.
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Do you like fancy dress?
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I don't enjoy it at all.
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Neither do I.
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So, what I do is I bring
in my pocket...
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..an inflatable walking stick.
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LAUGHTER
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You can be Charlie Chaplin...
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..Willy Wonka...
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00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,040
..the bloke from Up.
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I don't like giving you one point
in this round, do you know that?
102
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,280
Well, I don't think it deserves
one point, even though
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00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,760
it clearly says "one" up there.
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LAUGHTER
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Munya. Yes?
I feel good about this. OK.
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So, I have brought in
the most accurate replica of
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a space suit ever made.
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Accurate.
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LAUGHTER
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00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,240
And just to try and tip you
over to five points,
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I've actually got
a video of me in the suit.
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LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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It's not bad, Munya.
It's not bad. Sarah?
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So, from the age of 16 to 21,
I worked at WH Smiths.
115
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And every Christmas Eve,
we were allowed to get dressed up.
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And then, one of the years,
nobody else wanted to -
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apart from me and my friend.
118
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,240
So, we decided to do bad taste...
Oof.
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LAUGHTER
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..and borrowed some clothes
from my friend's mum.
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Sorry.
122
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And we wore them.
123
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And nobody noticed.
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LAUGHTER
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We just looked like
we were from South Shields,
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which is where we were.
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I don't think it's that bad.
I'd wear that.
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All right, then, scoring time.
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The trouble is,
I like the spirit of John's -
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but it's obviously the worst
fancy dress, isn't it? Oh, my miles.
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Yeah, by a country mile.
Give him one point.
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I don't think Sarah's dress
is that fancy.
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I'm going to give her two points.
134
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,640
Because Dara's and Munya's are
shop-bought fancy dress,
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I'm going to give them three points.
Three points each?
136
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Yes, because we all know there's
got to be a gulf between anything
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and that...bloody alien boy.
LAUGHTER
138
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All right. Five points. Five points.
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00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:54,040
Yes, finally!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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OK, what does
the first task involve?
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It involves dash, dot, dash, dot,
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dash, dash, dash, dash,
dot, dot, dot. Dot.
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Hello, John. Yeah.
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Fern. Hiya.
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Dara. Ooh!
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Excuse me. Yes, do the table.
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Nothing your side? No.
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Nothing this side.
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00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,720
Is everyone well?
Yeah, you know. Straight in.
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00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:37,320
"Come up with a secret language
that doesn't use words.
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"You have ten minutes, after which
one of you must go to the lab.
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"Your time starts now."
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MUNYA: What if we had, like,
broader categories,
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so this could be, like, punch?
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Why is that your first word?
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So, punch... No! No.
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I'm not going with this.
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So, that can be "yes".
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Oh, that could be "no," yeah.
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You, me, us, hard, yeah...
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SHE LAUGHS
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..hard, medium, gently.
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One of my key words in my life
is not "gently"!
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You know, the most common word
in the world is, er...
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Right, what're we going to do?
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It's very difficult when you don't
know what you'll be talking about.
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Yeah, it is actually, yeah.
Use common words.
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It's like "ergh" or something.
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Oh, Jesus.
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Do, or noun?
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What, you and me, nouns now?
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A to E is yellow.
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I'll give you an instruction. So...
SHE LAUGHS
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So...
BELL DINGS
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I.
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Verb.
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00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,760
Oh, no, you named it.
I, verb, medium.
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What you, then do is you get
these sticks, and you use that
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for the subject matter.
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00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,440
There's literally no
fault in this method.
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SHE LAUGHS
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DARA: A, B, C, D, E, F...
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
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00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,640
And then, for the letter you use.
184
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,080
..T, U, V. So...
You use the number.
185
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You add a stick.
186
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,600
I don't know if you're
a genius or a madman.
187
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If we get this right,
then it means the code works, OK?
188
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If we get this right,
it'll be a bloody miracle.
189
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WHISTLE BLOWS
190
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,640
Munya, please go to the lab.
Oh-ho-ho, good luck!
191
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:22,480
APPLAUSE
192
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,040
The team of two. Mm. Yeah?
193
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,080
The first word was suggested by
Munya was the word "punch".
194
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,760
Yeah, out of all the words...
That was his first word.
195
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,440
That's his first word -
and he followed it up with "lick".
196
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,400
Yeah, but most situations can be
solved by a punch or a lick.
197
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,440
Tell me any situation. Now?
198
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,920
Actually, you're right.
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There you go.
200
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,600
What's this, John,
201
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"The most commonly used word
in the world is 'ergh'..."?
202
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:56,040
I, er, I heard it on the radio.
LAUGHTER
203
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And... And everyone anywhere in
the world understands "ergh".
204
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MUNYA: What?
I-I don't understand it now.
205
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,480
Let's see it in action, come on.
206
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:12,080
Yeah, let's see the "I-verb-medium"
team. It's Sarah and Munya.
207
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,440
"Secretly give this instruction
to your team mate.
208
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:18,600
"You may not say or write
any other words in the instruction.
209
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:19,800
"Fastest wins.
210
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,080
"Your time starts as soon as
you walk through the door,
211
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:26,560
"and stops when the instruction's
carried out by your team mate."
212
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:27,800
Should be easy.
213
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,360
Time has started.
214
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,440
You. Mm-hm.
215
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,560
Verb.
216
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,440
Mouse? Er, speak?
217
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,480
Shout? Eat?
218
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,200
You...you feed!
219
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,240
Mm!
220
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:50,680
Noun.
221
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,600
God, I hope there's a "hard"
or a "gently" coming up soon.
222
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,480
You feed...the cat?
223
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,720
You feed...a giraffe?
224
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,760
Ohh! You feed the giraffe.
225
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:07,240
You feed the giraffe - oh,
and...this is horrifically working.
226
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:10,160
Is there punch coming up?
Because I know that one.
227
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,800
You feed the giraffe and...
228
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,680
..elephant.
HE CLAPS
229
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,280
Is that it?
230
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,960
Three.
231
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:23,320
You feed the giraffe and elephant
232
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,040
down along three times...
233
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,280
..in the clown's mouth?
234
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,280
Jesus Christ!
235
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,720
We done it!
236
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,880
Yeah? OK.
237
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,400
Three.
238
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,600
I've stopped the clock.
Oh, my God! Well done!
239
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
240
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:51,400
I was a bit disappointed that
no-one got fed hard or punched.
241
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,520
but what looks like absolute
chaos worked a treat.
242
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:58,280
I'm still surprised that it worked,
and I was there.
243
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,080
Right. Find someone to spoon
for five minutes,
244
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,880
because we're going to have
an advert break. Alex!
245
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,520
LAUGHTER
246
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
247
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,960
Hello! Welcome back
to Taskmaster -
248
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,560
where there's a code-creating
task on the go.
249
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,240
No, I don't think so, Greg.
250
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,360
I'm just kidding, there is!
251
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,640
The team of two's unorthodox
codes seem to work.
252
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:36,480
In the end, they fed three giraffes
and an elephant to the clown.
253
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,840
Let's see how Dara, Fern,
and John got on.
254
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,240
B-B-A.
255
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,280
F.
256
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,040
Yes!
257
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,080
BELL RINGS
258
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,280
Right I think that's B.
259
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:03,920
C!
260
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,080
THEY LAUGH
261
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:10,120
What? Why are you holding
two sticks?
262
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,000
Is it A? Is it B?
263
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,240
Is it C? Is it D?
264
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,360
Is it E?
265
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,360
It is!
Oh, I think the next letter is D.
266
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,800
B, B!
267
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,800
I don't understand.
268
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,800
I don't know what is it!
269
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,200
T. OK we're back, we're back,
we're back, we're back,
270
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,560
we're back, we're back. H!
271
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,800
Is it R? Yeah.
272
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,000
Is the next one E?
273
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,040
Yeah, E.
274
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,240
Feed...three...
275
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,480
Ducks?
276
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,720
Sheep?
277
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,840
E that means E. Yeah.
278
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,640
There's been, so far, five Es. X!
279
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,600
Well, that can only be L, M, or N.
280
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,000
Elephant.
281
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,200
Ooh, maybe. That's a P.
282
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,360
Is it elephant? No, he can't
say that, we have to...
283
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,320
N, so the language works.
284
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,320
The language does work.
Save three elephants, and...
285
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,600
Oh, giraffe. Oh, here we go.
286
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,960
Next word, please.
287
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,360
A.
288
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,400
C. How is it C? I-I...
289
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,000
How was it C? Cos it is.
290
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,520
Oh! L. It's clown!
291
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,320
"Feed three elephants,
and a giraffe to the clown?"
292
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,240
DARA: Christ Almighty.
293
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,600
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
294
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,920
My impression formed
of you non-dingers -
295
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,960
Fern was of more used to you
on this occasion.
296
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,880
Fern was a joy to work with,
a pleasure to be around.
297
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,440
we were on the same wavelength,
we worked really, really well.
298
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,240
Yeah, that's all I want
to say about that task. Er...
299
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,280
LAUGHTER
300
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,680
And if you wanted to go to
a fancy dress with one of them,
301
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,040
you'd go with her right?
I would, I would. I mean, and...
302
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,000
You wouldn't take some prick with
a blow-up walking stick.
303
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,920
LAUGHTER
304
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,280
John, anything you want to
say in your defence?
305
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,040
My brain doesn't work like that.
306
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,600
It doesn't work.
307
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,880
LAUGHTER
308
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,640
APPLAUSE
309
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,040
Oh, never mind.
310
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,560
Maybe there's some points to be had.
311
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,640
Well, as you saw, Fern and John
fed three elephants and a giraffe
312
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,480
to the clown, but Sarah fed one
elephant and three giraffes
313
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,760
to the clown.
So, only one of them's got it right.
314
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,280
Whichever team turn out to have fed
the correct animals into the clown
315
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,360
will get five points, and if they
fed the wrong animals to the clown,
316
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,360
there will be no points.
No points.
317
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,400
AUDIENCE GASPS
318
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,960
What?! Cos the task wouldn't
have been completed.
319
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,160
Feels harsh.
But I don't know who did it.
320
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,040
You could still be a nicer person.
321
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,840
LAUGHTER
322
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,200
APPLAUSE
323
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,280
So, the team of three
thinks it's three elephants.
324
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,680
If they're right, they win.
325
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,240
"Feed three elephants
and a giraffe to the clown."
326
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,600
DARA: "Feed three giraffes
and an elephant to the clown."
327
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,480
Which means the team of two win
five points each! Oh, wow!
328
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:14,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
329
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,960
That's crushing.
DARA: That is tough.
330
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,720
That is, er, entirely my fault
331
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,640
and I apologise about everything
I said about John. Er...
332
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,440
LAUGHTER
333
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,840
Let's have the scoreboard.
334
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,960
Yes. Munya, of course, yet to win
an episode, as has Fern -
335
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,800
but they're both in with
a shot in this one.
336
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,120
Fern is on 5, Munya's in the lead
with 8 points! Yes!
337
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:40,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Come on!
338
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,960
Right, what is next, please?
339
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,680
Well, there's something
pretty alluring.
340
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,040
Mm!
341
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,880
Hi. Hi, Sarah. Hello.
342
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,800
Hello, Fern.
Can I walk in like that?
343
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,200
Wow, that was really nice.
344
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,440
Right.
345
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:16,720
"Pin an alluring tail on the
alluring animal while blindfolded."
346
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,200
"Pin the tail on the donkey."
347
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,720
"You have 15 minutes
to find the alluring animal."
348
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,520
Ooh, "Make an alluring tail."
349
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,480
"Put your alluring tail
on the tail station,
350
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:29,840
"and prepare to pin your alluring
tail on the alluring animal."
351
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,240
Blindfolded!
352
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,000
"Starting from here. Fastest wins."
353
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,240
ALEX: You have to now try to
find the alluring animal.
354
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,120
What animals do you find alluring?
355
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,760
The Cadbury's, er, bunny.
356
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,880
It's out the front!
357
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:47,480
Aha!
358
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,520
SARAH: Is it him?
359
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,160
So, that's the alluring animal?
360
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,840
ALEX: Is it alluring?
361
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,200
No, I'm not a pervert.
362
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,320
So, now we need an alluring tail.
363
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,920
So, the tail station is that circle
in the middle of the lawn.
364
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,960
What's in here that might be sexy?
365
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,480
I mean, that's quite
an alluring tail in itself.
366
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,840
What about flowers up its butt?
367
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,920
That's lovely.
368
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,600
I'll use this.
What is it, a toilet brush?
369
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,800
It looks kind of used.
370
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,160
No, don't sniff it.
371
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,240
APPLAUSE
372
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,800
The Cadbury's bunny, yeah?
LAUGHTER
373
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,080
Well, she's fictional,
so that's all right.
374
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,400
So, it's pin the tail on the donkey,
375
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,560
but we gave them 15 minutes
to prepare their tail.
376
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,840
But that's really a distraction
from preparing their route
377
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,120
from tail to tiger.
378
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:48,240
Good. Let's begin with good ol' Dara
and good, young Munya.
379
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,600
Alex. Yes?
380
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,200
Do you know what I'm going to do?
381
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,800
No. I'm going to make a long path.
382
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,280
Right, OK.
383
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,600
I need to keep to
the right-hand side of this.
384
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,280
Take this as far as you can.
385
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,680
OK, stop. All right.
386
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,040
Drop. Drop? Right, I'm ready.
387
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,680
Right. I have to go back and
sit down, don't I? Yes, please.
388
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,440
When I blow the whistle,
you must pin your alluring tail
389
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,600
on the alluring animal.
BLOWS WHISTLE
390
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:34,560
Just need to find the door.
391
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,880
OK. Corridor...
392
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,040
..and then, out here.
Now it's the steps.
393
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,120
OK. Whoa.
394
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,440
I can hear my voice
pinging off some sort of dome.
395
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,080
Turn 90 degrees.
396
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:50,960
One, two, three...there.
397
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,920
Ohh, not quite.
398
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,200
That's how this has to happen.
399
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,840
Aha! Right.
400
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,440
It's about keeping
a low centre of gravity, Alex.
401
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,920
I can see that.
402
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,960
Like a coiled hedgehog.
403
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,760
Piano, piano, piano.
404
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:19,960
Yes! Ready? Push!
405
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,840
Yeah! Stop the clock.
406
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:26,120
The head of alluring animal,
bum of alluring animal. Saucy.
407
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,840
I've stopped the clock.
Thank you, Dara.
408
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
409
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,480
I'm not sure how alluring
Munya's tiger was
410
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,160
after it had been violently tailed.
411
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,640
Let's have a look at his alluring
tiger after it had been tailed.
412
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,680
No, but the thing is,
in my defence,
413
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,760
if that is a toilet brush...
414
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,400
Toilet brushes go near bottoms,
which are alluring.
415
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:58,200
You know you don't clean your bum
with a toilet brush, don't you?
416
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,080
And you certainly don't
clean your bum with
417
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,840
a toilet brush that deeply.
418
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,520
You were on your feet
most of the time, Dara,
419
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,320
and I hope you don't take what
I've written down as an insult here.
420
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:14,680
I'm clearly about to have to
take that as an insult, but go on.
421
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:19,200
I've put, "Dara has a very upright,
dainty walk for a big man."
422
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,280
Full stop. "Like one of those
Spanish horses that can dance."
423
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,840
LAUGHTER
424
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:29,360
You got some times?
I do. Dara, three minutes exactly.
425
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,680
Munya, two minutes and six seconds.
426
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,000
In the lead at the moment,
so well done, Munya.
427
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
428
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,480
OK, Fern and Sarah now.
429
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,080
So, can I just go in here
and be blindfolded?
430
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,680
Yeah, when you come out, though,
you'll be coming out the front.
431
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,160
Did you want to - are you having
a practice? What are you doing?
432
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,680
Huh? Do you just want to start?
433
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,440
Yes! OK, I'm coming.
434
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,080
What are you waiting for?
435
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,920
What are we waiting for? Yeah.
436
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,120
Your time starts...now.
437
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:06,440
Do be careful.
438
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,480
I don't have very good spatial
awareness when I'm not blindfolded.
439
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:12,640
Right.
440
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,400
Ah, there we go there's the door.
441
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,080
Oh! No, that's not the door.
442
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:25,360
So, this was where the 18 started.
So, one, two...
443
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,000
Ohh-ho-ho, no!
444
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,560
What's your system now, Fern?
445
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,920
I just have to keep waving my arms.
446
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,080
Right.
447
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:37,760
Oh, there's the globe.
448
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,160
Is the house there?
I don't think so.
449
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,600
If the hedge is there...
450
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:44,280
Is the hedge there? No.
451
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,480
So, there's a wagon wheel,
and then, it's four steps.
452
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,000
I'm going to shuffle till
I hit it with my feet.
453
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,440
SHE GROANS
454
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,200
Feels minging.
455
00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,600
Oh! OK, OK, OK.
456
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:02,920
Oh! I found my tail.
457
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,240
I should've counted how many steps.
Why didn't I do this bit?
458
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:07,880
Am I going to walk into anything?
459
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,200
Where do you think you are?
Near the piano.
460
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,120
Right. Am I not? No.
461
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,760
Where is it? Where is it?
462
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,400
Ooh.
463
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,080
Argh, God!
464
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:25,720
Oh, that's the cow!
465
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,600
Ooh, hello. Are you here?
466
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,280
Where is it? Where is it?
467
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,840
Ah, there he is!
468
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,120
I'll feel the heat of its body.
469
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:38,840
Argh! Done.
470
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,240
I've stopped the clock.
471
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:43,640
There we go. Done.
472
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,280
I've stopped the clock, Fern.
473
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:46,520
You...oh.
474
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,680
APPLAUSE
475
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,760
Two very contrasting styles.
476
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,680
Sarah used a step-counting system
to complete the task
477
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,920
with reasonable efficiency.
478
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,600
Fern stumbled around waving
her hands in front of her
479
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,240
whilst shouting, "Where am I?"
LAUGHTER
480
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,920
You're following this narrative
that I don't have systems,
481
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,120
and I just flounder around.
482
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,840
What was the system, then?
483
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,600
Well...there might not
have been a system.
484
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,200
LAUGHTER
485
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,120
I was going to use the one
that bats do, where you, like,
486
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,600
make a clicking sound.
487
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:31,200
And I would've been far kinder
in my summary if you had.
488
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,320
OK, well, Sarah's method
sort of worked.
489
00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:35,880
She just felt her way there in
nine minutes and 40 seconds.
490
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,280
OK. Yeah, not good.
491
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,920
Not great,
but comparatively not bad.
492
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,960
Fern, you took 13 minutes
493
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,760
and 53 seconds to cover 25 metres.
494
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,560
If you did the marathon
at that rate,
495
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,320
it would take 16 days
and eight hours.
496
00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:53,080
Three, two, one, advertising!
497
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
498
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,000
Hello! Here we are again,
for the third part of the show.
499
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,280
Ooh, nice work, Greg.
Someone's been practising.
500
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,240
Before the break, the five
competitors were trying to plan
501
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,040
how best to pin a tail on an
alluring animal once blindfolded.
502
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,840
Fern Brady does not make plans.
503
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,840
Now finally,
what will John Kearns do?
504
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,440
You think a blindfold's
going to do me?
505
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,680
In we go.
506
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,760
Your time starts...
WHISTLE BLOWS
507
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,600
Right, now I've planned for this.
508
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,280
I don't remember it
being this far away.
509
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,280
Well, I left it here.
510
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,840
Have you moved it? No.
511
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,360
No. "No," he says.
512
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,560
It's there, John. It's not there.
513
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,680
Where am I there? I'm at the door!
514
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,920
Well, it's there. Well, OK.
515
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,400
It's right there.
Well, pick it up, then.
516
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,280
Aha! Oh.
517
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,520
Where's the string?
518
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,880
Where's the tail?
519
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,200
The tail was on top of
the tail station.
520
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,520
Yeah, it still is.
The bits of...no, it's not.
521
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:33,240
It's not because I just picked up
the tail station.
522
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:36,920
You soiled my planning!
523
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,320
I tell you, I thought I was doing
this in under a minute or something.
524
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,720
Is that the piano? Yes.
525
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,680
HE CHUCKLES
526
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,120
Stop the clock. Well done, John.
527
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
528
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,720
I don't quite know what went wrong,
cos it looked really promising.
529
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,840
It...the...I don't know, I...
530
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,200
It just disappeared.
531
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,960
Then I accused the team of...
532
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,160
Yeah, you were very cross.
533
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,640
You thought we'd moved your tail.
You were convinced, yeah.
534
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,240
I got a bit angry, I apologise.
For a couple of hours.
535
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,920
I think that,
once you did find the tail,
536
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,280
you walked away like
a grandfather in a sitcom.
537
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,640
Could be wrong.
Let's see if he did.
538
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,080
LAUGHTER
539
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,320
APPLAUSE
540
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:36,800
Tell me some times.
541
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,920
Yes, well, 1 point to Fern,
with her 13 minutes, 53. Oh, no.
542
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,600
2 points to Sarah,
543
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,400
then it was John, with his
eight minutes and 12 seconds.
544
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:45,800
Dara, of course, three minutes -
545
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,880
but the fastest by quite
some distance was Munya.
546
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,760
He gets another 5 points! Wow.
547
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
548
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:54,480
Wow. Right, another one.
549
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,480
OK, yes, and I have an extremely
handy one ready now.
550
00:27:58,520 --> 00:27:59,800
So, let's see it.
551
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,840
GHOSTLY WHISPERING:
That's my hand...that's my hand...
552
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,120
WHISPERING MULTIPLIES
553
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,280
That's my hand.
554
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,920
OK, this is sinister.
555
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,320
Munya. I brought a little, er,
comfort animal along.
556
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:28,480
I've abducted him.
557
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:34,840
Place your hand on the table.
558
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,720
Ooh! Ergh.
559
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,360
"Find the back of your hand."
560
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,040
Oh, no!
561
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,280
SARAH: "Fewest wrong guesses wins."
562
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,920
"You have a maximum of 20 minutes."
563
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,760
MUNYA: "And your time starts
when Alex does a hand pun."
564
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,600
I think I should be able to do it,
565
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,760
cos I have really big, weird hands
566
00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:59,960
that look like a roofer's.
567
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,360
All hands on deck.
568
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,080
Just to reassure you,
you are in safe hands.
569
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,520
Was that a pun? Yeah. OK.
570
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,360
You are going to have
to do it single-handedly.
571
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,280
APPLAUSE
572
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,880
Just explain what they have to do.
573
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,760
Yes, so on the very first day
they arrived in the house,
574
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,400
I took a polaroid of their hands.
575
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,960
Yeah. In that garage,
there were 3,000 other hands.
576
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,240
Hands of our viewers, in fact.
577
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,400
Thank you for sending
your hands in, if you did.
578
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,240
The first people we'll see
have some very similar hands -
579
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,480
all four, lovely and soft,
it's Dara and John.
580
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:46,880
I remember, erm,
someone's dessert island discs
581
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:48,720
who's playing the piano.
582
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,120
He was looking down at his hands...
583
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,000
..and he realised he was
looking at his fathers' hands.
584
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:59,800
You know, I'm looking for not just
my hands, but my dad's hands.
585
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,800
I don't think your dad's
hands are here.
586
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,240
Oh, Jesus Christ.
587
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:08,560
Is there any clue?
588
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,280
"For sale - reject boards.
100 guesses."
589
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,920
So, I can tell you which
boards it's not,
590
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,280
but it will cost you
100 guesses for each board.
591
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:19,760
That's not a good deal. OK.
592
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,560
There's got to be something clever
with this, there's got to be
593
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,040
some other way of doing this.
594
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,400
What's that?
Oh, I wouldn't touch that, but...
595
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,160
What'd you say?
I said, "I wouldn't touch that."
596
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,320
It's that hand,
so there'd be no ring on it.
597
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,680
Place your hand there, please.
Your left hand.
598
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,560
ECHOING: It's that hand,
so there'd be no ring on it.
599
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,640
ECHOING CONTINUES
600
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,080
Whose hands are those?
601
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:44,600
Is that your first guess? Yeah.
602
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,000
Wrong. Fu...
603
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,400
Right, eliminate two boards.
604
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:52,760
Well, there's a dog there.
605
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,840
These are all wrong fingers,
if you want to dip in there.
606
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:58,400
Yep. These two.
607
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,040
Left pinky, right pinky.
608
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:01,760
200 guesses.
609
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:04,600
That's half your time gone.
610
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,960
How many boards are there? Eight.
611
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,280
I want to get rid of seven.
612
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,240
Here's what we'll do, two more.
613
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,440
Gone! I'm not on there,
I'm not on there,
614
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,400
I'm not on there, I'm not on there.
615
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:15,880
Not on there...not on there...
616
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,640
I'm there. You now have 701 guesses.
617
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:21,440
That one.
618
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,560
No.
619
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:24,880
Is it that one? No.
620
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:26,680
Right, you're saying "no" quickly.
621
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,800
It can't be somewhere where you're
stood over there, and you can go,
622
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:31,320
"Yeah, it's that one."
623
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:32,760
Is it that one? No.
624
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,440
Is it that one? No.
625
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,400
Ah, you paused there.
It's around here.
626
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:38,840
You have 30 seconds.
627
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,720
I'm going to go mad,
staring at these.
628
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,200
AUDIENCE OOHS
629
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,440
That. No. That. No. That. No.
630
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,400
That. No. That. No.
631
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,360
It's around here. You started...
632
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,800
..pissing yourself around here.
AUDIENCE OOHS
633
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,200
Is...that one?
634
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:57,240
Come on!
635
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:58,760
That. No.
636
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,160
That...that.
637
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,640
Is it that one?No.
BLOWS WHISTLE
638
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,760
Too many hands.
639
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,520
ECHOING: They all look the same.
640
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,800
Where is my hand?
641
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,200
Thank you, Dara.
642
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,000
QUIET SOBBING
643
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:17,120
It's not fair...
there's so many hands.
644
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,840
LAUGHTER
645
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,800
APPLAUSE
646
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,720
John, you know that whole
"dad's hands" thing? Yep.
647
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,560
Yeah, what were you on about?
LAUGHTER
648
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,480
Er, Russell Watson. Yeah.
649
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,320
So, he said he was playing the piano
one day, and then, he looked down,
650
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:34,840
and he was like,
"God, I've got my dad's' hands."
651
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:39,200
What you're saying is the opera
singer Russell Watson...
652
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:40,840
LAUGHTER
653
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,920
..said in an interview you saw
with him, he realises his hands
654
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,520
looks like his dad's,
655
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,760
and that affected your system
here of looking for your hands
656
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,320
when you had your own fucking
hands in front of you?
657
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,000
LAUGHTER
Why bring your dad into this at all?
658
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,720
It's easier to look for
your dad's hands than your own.
659
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,240
Dara, you hampered yourself
by picking the wrong hand.
660
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,120
See, I made the mistake,
I was looking for my auntie's hands.
661
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:07,600
LAUGHTER
662
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,800
Because Placido Domingo
said to me once...
663
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:18,040
John, at one point, I'm fairly sure
that you chose a Black hand.
664
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,560
LAUGHTER
665
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:25,400
Those were my dad's.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
666
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,920
APPLAUSE
667
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:31,680
Advert time!
668
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,800
If your partner is off making
the tea and they've got PJs on,
669
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,680
why not sneak up behind them and
pull their PJs down and shout,
670
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,520
"Look, kids, the moon is
disgusting tonight!"
671
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,280
LAUGHTER
672
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,000
It's your break,
do what you want.
673
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,000
We'll see you in a minute.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
674
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:57,000
Hello, everyone!
675
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,320
Welcome back to the
closing part of today's show.
676
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,880
There was a creepy task in play,
I believe. You're right, Greg.
677
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,080
I got pictures of loads of hands,
stuck them on a wall,
678
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,480
and then, locked the competitors
in the garage with them.
679
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:07,640
I'm so weird.
680
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:11,400
Next to try and find their hands
amongst over 3,000 other hands
681
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,480
are Munya and Fern.
682
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:16,000
High five.
683
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,440
Oh, yeah.
684
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,560
Hey, wait a minute!
685
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,880
Ooh.
686
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:28,200
So, we're looking for
a fat, square palm...
687
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,560
Ooh, that hand's horrible!
688
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,920
That's like a demon's hands.
689
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:38,720
So, there's two mirrors - one has
a little square in it, one's plain.
690
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:42,320
So, surely, I need to ping it off
the second mirror, don't I?
691
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,200
Now if I get it at just
the right angle,
692
00:34:44,240 --> 00:34:47,040
it will point directly at my hand.
693
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,160
Yes, there you go.
694
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:50,880
That ain't my hand.
695
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,360
"For sale - reject boards."
696
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,320
Yeah, can you do that?
697
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,600
Left, middle, and right pinky.
698
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:00,480
Oh, you lot think you're smart.
699
00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:03,560
Aha!
700
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,280
Because I'm stretching, is this
boiler suit giving me a camel toe?
701
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,760
Yo, hey, don't pan down, man,
what are you doing?!
702
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:12,080
Would you like to rule out
any more boards, Fern?
703
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:13,480
Yes, left wedding.
704
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,680
Right, middle. Left index.
705
00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:18,040
OK.
SHE SIGHS
706
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:24,760
What in the hell?
707
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,520
So, now I've gone from
having to look for my own hand
708
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:30,000
to a tiny pinprick of laser.
709
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,640
This one? That's not your hand.
Yeah, too fat.
710
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,680
Aha, yes!
711
00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:42,120
You know what? This is my hand.
712
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:43,360
I've stopped the clock.
713
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,960
This one! This hand.
714
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,840
That is your hand. That's my hand!
715
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,720
Come on!
716
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
717
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,840
Really dug out
one hand in particular,
718
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,680
but it was a strange-looking
hand, to be fair.
719
00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:03,640
Yeah, so I insulted a
lot of the hands,
720
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,760
but that's just speaking as
a person who hates my own hands.
721
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,880
Yes, she was looking for a
hand that was dehydrated.
722
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:10,800
She said, "What face does
my hand make?"
723
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,320
and, "My hand doesn't bulge."
724
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:13,960
LAUGHTER
725
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,000
Did I say that?
Uh-huh, and then, you asked,
726
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,360
"Who invented right and left,
and what's it for?" I did!
727
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,320
LAUGHTER
728
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,960
Munya, I thought watching you
in action was like watching
729
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,120
an episode of CSI, right up until
the point you announced
730
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:30,360
you had a camel toe.
731
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:37,240
When I used to go to
Laser Quest, in Norwich,
732
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,400
every time I used to go,
it was full of, like, ex-Marines.
733
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,600
So, I'd always just be
killed instantly.
734
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,480
So, what I had to do is I had
to learn to get into little corners
735
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,320
and look for reflective surfaces,
736
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,400
and then, ping them off
the top like that.
737
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,120
So I walked into there
and I've gone,
738
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,800
"This is what the training was for."
739
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,840
Munya took one guess, got it right.
740
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,880
Wow!So, it'll be tough to beat.
APPLAUSE
741
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,520
How many guesses did Fern take
to find her big old hands?
742
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,800
So, she used 504 guesses.
743
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,960
Oh, right. Who's left?
It's Sarah Millican.
744
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,640
I know how I had
my hand photographed.
745
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:15,680
How was that?
746
00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:19,240
Everybody else is going to do that,
so I'm going to do that.
747
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,360
OK.
AUDIENCE GASPS
748
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,840
That should help.
It should help, shouldn't it?
749
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,600
Cos it should stand out more...
750
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,080
..than all the losers who've just
put their hand normal.
751
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,400
No, OK.
752
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,920
It's weird how hands don't
look like hands any more
753
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,200
when you look at them so much,
754
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:39,120
and now, some of them just look
like loads of parsnips.
755
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,800
Ah! Found it.
756
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,320
It's correct.
SHE GIGGLES
757
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:51,560
I don't know what say, it's just
some sweet forward planning.
758
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,160
But obviously I didn't know
what the task was going to be,
759
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,640
and I genuinely just thought
it was funny to look like
760
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,440
I was wanking a cock.
761
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,440
I was just going for the joke.
762
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,120
Well, Sarah and Munya both
just a single guess,
763
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:08,120
so they both get 5 points.
Fern 4, the others 0.
764
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,560
Sarah and Munya are the winners!
What a blow, well done!
765
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
766
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,280
Let's have a quick look
at the scores.
767
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,600
Right, well,
John rock-bottom with 4 points,
768
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,120
Munya rock-top with 18 points!
769
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:24,240
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
770
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:29,960
Please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show!
771
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,840
CHEERING
772
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,680
Who will be reading out
the final task?
773
00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,200
Dara O Briain. Hit it.
774
00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:46,800
"Guess the fully-extended length
of the extendible item.
775
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:50,000
"Closest to the fully-extended
length wins."
776
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,560
Sounds pretty high-octane. Oh, yeah.
777
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:54,960
OK, so it's a team task.
778
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,440
We have little markers -
if you make your guesses as a team,
779
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,560
but one of you can go out on
the Knappett and put down
780
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:00,840
where they think it will go.
781
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,840
The other person has
to stay on their spot.
782
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,400
And are we allowed
to lie down to measure things?
783
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,480
Is that how you normally
measure things?
784
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,440
LAUGHTER
785
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,400
We're going to start with
the feather duster,
786
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,400
and Dara, you go first. OK.
787
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,400
I don't think you want me
to do my catchphrase.
788
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,880
I want you to do your catchphrase.
Let's smash it.
789
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,840
JOHN: I think Fern agrees
with that, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
790
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,320
I agree with it, as well, yeah.
791
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:28,840
Happy with that team? Yeah.
792
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,400
Right, so I want you to see -
how many ridges has it got? Seven.
793
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,120
That's a lot, isn't it?
I think further. Further?
794
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,880
Than they've got, yeah.
Yeah, cos the thing is you've got
795
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,240
to get those extra-high cobwebs,
no-one's getting a short cobweb.
796
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,960
Team of three has gone shorter,
team of two further.
797
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,040
Are you going
to invite me to extend?
798
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,360
LAUGHTER
799
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:57,400
Please use your own hands to extend.
800
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,160
He's off. Oh-ho-ho, he's off!
801
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,360
DRAMATIC MUSIC
802
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,160
The team of two get
the first points.
803
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,360
APPLAUSE
804
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:14,600
Now moving onto the dog lead -
805
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,840
and it's Sarah to measure first.
806
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,480
I think it's really long.
807
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,720
That's too far, because if you
need to pull it back suddenly,
808
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:23,200
you shouldn't be having to do this.
809
00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:25,520
No, I do that all the time,
it's like pulling in the end of
810
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:27,120
a hoover and me dog flies back.
811
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,880
All right, go on, then, I trust you.
812
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,000
I've got it, I'm going
to go quite far.
813
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,560
Are you s...? OK. Yeah.
Just pull it back just a little bit.
814
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,040
WHISTLE BLOWS
No, she can't.
815
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,600
FERN: So, I really don't want
to fall off this.
816
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,880
No, I don't want you
to fall off this.
817
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,800
Here? Yeah, you go with your gut.
818
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:45,840
Let's extend.
819
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,880
Let's extend, straight to it.
OK, here we go.
820
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,200
Ooh, look at that lovely
confident extending.
821
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:51,680
Yeah, it's way longer.
822
00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:53,520
What a brave boy. No, no.
823
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,880
CROWD GASPS
Ah, you jester.
824
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:00,240
MUNYA: Ah, so it can go over.
Over, I didn't know.
825
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,600
FERN: T-Too far.
826
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,040
The team of three.They take it.
APPLAUSE
827
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,480
We're moving on to tape measure.
828
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,600
A tape measure is meant to measure
everything in the house.
829
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,160
So, that's going to go...so far.
830
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,960
LAUGHTER
831
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,040
What have you seen, John?
Two times-ness.
832
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:24,880
What?
833
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:26,800
I'm tempted to not even move that.
834
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,480
Would it help if we got some
Russell Watson played in?
835
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,200
No, nearer!
WHISTLE BLOWS
836
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,840
It's a jumbo one, this.
837
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:38,760
All right, so it's the team of two.
838
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,800
MUNYA: How about this?
How about this?
839
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,640
Yeah, make sure it's
in front of the thing, yeah.
840
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,360
Blocking them.
841
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:46,640
Let's extend.
842
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:50,640
TENSE MUSIC PLAYS
843
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,400
AUDIENCE OOHS
844
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,240
Such a silly man.
845
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,400
That is it. Really?
846
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,280
Yes. Well, it does say
"two times NES."
847
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,680
Two times NEs, so that's, of course,
two times Noel Edmonds's.
848
00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:07,840
THEY LAUGH
849
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,080
All the information was
on the tape measure.
850
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,880
So, the team of two gets
another point. Congratulations.
851
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,520
I'm pretty excited about the ladder.
852
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,880
Is it the ladder now?
It's ladder time, guys. Yeah!
853
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,320
MUNYA: Do you think that is
the size of a house? I don't know.
854
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,040
I don't know a thing about ladders.
Go over the thingy.
855
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,280
Go over the Knappett.
856
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:30,240
Right on the brink! Do you think?
On the brink. On the brink?
857
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:32,920
I don't think its going to go
that tall. Four seconds.
858
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:34,760
Can I move it in?
Yeah, there, there.
859
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:36,400
There, there, there. There! OK.
860
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:38,920
WHISTLE BLOWS
Oh, wow.
861
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,280
What a rush!
SARAH GIGGLES
862
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,240
Team of three,
you do need to win this one.
863
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:47,400
FERN: Every section of that
extends about that.
864
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,520
If we could lay Dara end-to-end...
865
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:51,560
That's a big if.
866
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,400
I think Dara's using his own system.
867
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:57,440
I just heard someone say,
"Oh, no, up there."
868
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:00,560
Let's extend.
869
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,640
It's going to go way past both,
is my prediction.
870
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:06,280
MUNYA: Ah, yes.
871
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:07,960
Oh, ooh, hello. Hello.
872
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,000
Oh, we're at the end. Oh, what?!
873
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:14,600
I think it's perfect.
874
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,880
APPLAUSE
Team of three!
875
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:21,640
OK, so next one wins, Greg.
876
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,880
It's the red vacuum cleaner.
877
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:27,760
This time, it's being measured
to where its face gets to.
878
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,120
Oh, so it's using the lead?
879
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,360
Exactly, we're measuring
the extension lead. Ooh-wee!
880
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:36,000
Hello. I'm pissed with anticipation.
881
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,040
LAUGHTER
882
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:39,480
Team of two, you're going first.
883
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:43,240
MUNYA: I reckon this man is
long enough to get to the edge.
884
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:44,880
Yeah. What do you think? I agree.
885
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,880
We have to commit.
I-I feel like off the edge.
886
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,720
All right. Cool, there we go.
887
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,600
Bold. So bold.
888
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,000
Brave.
889
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:59,080
Well, cleaners use this,
it's not for normal households.
890
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,360
LAUGHTER
891
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,640
He's found his marker.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
892
00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:12,880
Just on the edge.
CROWD EXCLAIMS
893
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:17,120
Oh, he's gone bold.
Three seconds. Are you happy, John?
894
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:18,320
WHISTLE BLOWS
895
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:19,360
CROWD EXCLAIMS
896
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,080
MUNYA: Oh, yes! Come on!
897
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:22,920
Yes!
898
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:27,520
Two things -
it was an act of madness.
899
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,200
And secondly, who'd have
thought someone would make
900
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:31,800
this game genuinely exciting?
901
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:33,920
LAUGHTER
902
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,720
But when the whistle went...
903
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:37,760
AUDIENCE OOHS
904
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:40,720
..the team of three were
on the floor. Ooh.
905
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:43,240
I did see where you placed it,
906
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:46,280
and I think I've been true to that.
Let's extend.
907
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:50,760
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
908
00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,800
It's a short one. That's it.
909
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:01,920
CROWD EXCLAIMS
910
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,680
MUNYA: Does that mean we win?
The team of two win!
911
00:45:04,720 --> 00:45:07,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
912
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,760
What's he talking about?
That's as far as it goes.
913
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,760
Let's add that up and see
how it's affected the final scores!
914
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:18,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
915
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,240
FERN: I've never heard
of that before.
916
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,120
APPLAUSE
917
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:26,560
Oh!Well, all right, everyone's
a bit cross about the trick vacuum.
918
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,040
Yeah.
919
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,160
LAUGHTER
920
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:35,960
In the end, the team of two
get three points.
921
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,600
The team of three get two points.
922
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,440
So, well done, Sarah and Munya!
923
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:42,400
Wow.
APPLAUSE
924
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,680
Shall I tell you some scores?
Yes, please.
925
00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:49,160
Well, in the series - oh, wow,
926
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:52,840
Fern and John have exactly
the same number of points, 113,
927
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:54,760
Munya 118 now,
928
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:56,880
Sarah on 141,
929
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,720
Dara on 142!
930
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,000
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
931
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,040
APPLAUSE
932
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:06,560
In this episode,
John has 6 points.
933
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:07,840
LAUGHTER
934
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,120
Dara 9, Fern 12, Sarah 17,
935
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,320
Munya Chawawa has 21 points!
936
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
937
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,880
At last, Munya wins!
938
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:20,760
Please go and party
with your fancy dress!
939
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
940
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:26,720
There's just two shows left,
but just one winner tonight.
941
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,400
It is Munya Chawawa!
942
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:32,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
943
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:56,960
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