Original subtitles

[♪]

[indistinct announcement over PA]

[door rattling]

[door shuts closed]

[chain jangling]

[board member] Mr. St. Germain,

you've served 30 years of a life sentence.

Do you think you've been rehabilitated?

And are you ready to be a productive member of society?

[door buzzing, rattling]

This too.

[paper rustling]

[somber music playing]

[door clicks open]

[♪]

[Whitney scoffs]

[engine rumbling]

[machines rumbling loudly]

[horn blaring]

[engine stops]

[siren wailing]

["Wings" playing]

♪ I wish I had wings ♪

♪ Take me away ♪

♪ From all that I see ♪

♪ And all the trouble I've made ♪

♪ I wish I could fly ♪

♪ High above everything ♪

[can hisses]

♪ Oh, I ♪

♪ I wish I had wings ♪

[engine rumbling]

♪ I'd dance with the angels ♪

♪ Cut through the clouds ♪

♪ Never look back ♪

♪ Never come back down ♪

♪ Drunk on the wind ♪

♪ And the high it brings ♪

♪ Free once again, It never ends ♪

♪ Oh, I wish I had wings ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I wish I had wings ♪

♪ Instead of All these memories ♪

♪ Oh, I ♪

[reporter] Retired US Marine veteran Brian Patton,

who spent 19 years at the factory.

Well, now, reality is kicking in

in the factory's final days.

Brian, bring us back to when you first heard about the closure.

From you guys, that's how we found out.

Now you're painting a picture

of what the future is like without us?

We've been loyal to America,

and we want that loyalty reciprocated.

The man took away the factory,

but he didn't take the people with...

[water running]

-[water splashing] -[Calvin sighs]

-[engine rumbling] -[baby crying]

[paper rustling]

[Calvin] Frightened?

What are you-- what are you talking about, frightened?

[woman] [indistinct].

-He actually said that? -[woman] How do you expect to get hired?

I don't know, you're the headhunter, you tell me, I'm just...

[phone clicks]

-[phone ringing] -[can hisses]

-Hey, Tommy. Tommy. -[Tommy] I'm back.

-What's going on, brother? -Yeah, what's good, brother?

[Tommy] [indistinct]. I haven't heard from you in years.

[sighs] You know, just, uh...

just-- just in between gigs, yeah.

[Tommy] Cool, [indistinct].

Demo, sure.

Just-- let's go-- let's go fuck up some shit

like the old days, man.

-[Tommy] Cool. [indistinct]. -Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, just-- just text me the info.

Yeah, I'll-- I'll grab some thermals on the way.

[Tommy] Okay, yeah, I'll talk to you later.

Bye, man.

[pills clattering]

[somber music playing]

[groans in pain]

[gentle music playing]

[Troy's wife] Oh, my God, Mom. Look.

It's Alice's ex.

Troy used to play hockey with him.

Must be a real [indistinct].

He's homeless now.

Troy always said he was a nice kid.

But the war fucked him up wicked bad.

Can't imagine living with all that guilt.

[♪]

[somber music playing]

[sighs]

[bag rustling]

[hangers clattering]

[till beeping]

[whistle blowing]

[gentle music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[whistle blowing]

[dramatic music playing]

[whistle blowing]

-[Calvin] Hey, man. -Hmm?

Do I know you?

No, I don't think so.

-Yeah, you don't know me? -No.

You just fucking smiling at me like that?

-[sighs] No, man, I, uh-- -You fucking know me.

-You know me, look at you, your fucking smile on your face. -Troy.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, Troy here's just playing fucking peek-a-boo

-from the fucking panty aisle. -[Troy's wife] What?

I think there's been a misunderstanding.

No, there's no misunderstanding.

Hey, Mom, Mom, you don't have to be afraid here.

-Hey, Dude-- -Don't put your fucking hands on me.

-Take it easy. -Don't put your fucking hands on me.

-Take it easy. -Why don't you go ahead and blow your whistle?

Come on, Troy, blow your fucking whistle for your wife, Troy.

-What's your fucking-- -[groans in pain]

-Troy, knock it off! -[both grunting]

Hey, get off him!

-[indistinct shouting] -[whistle blowing]

-[taser crackling] -[Calvin exclaims]

[indistinct announcement over PA]

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

Wakey, wakey,

eggs and bakey.

Coach O?

Once a Shamrock, always a winner.

[Calvin chuckles]

Why are you dressed like a fucking cop?

Sergeant O'Riordan.

Montague PD.

Jesus Christ, you look like a beast, man.

Wait, are you still competing?

Only if it's a pie-eating contest.

[Calvin laughs]

[door clicks closed]

Do you even know where the fuck you are?

The VA Medical Center.

Oh, shit.

It's the only way that they could get me back in this place.

-[handcuffs jangling] -Am I under arrest?

This seems a bit fucking dramatic.

[Coach O sighs]

What, were you afraid I was gonna run away?

We can start with the fact that you're lucky to be alive.

There was a lot of shit in your system this morning

when I collared you for assaulting an innocent man

in front of his wife and baby girl.

Do you remember any of that?

There was this guy. He looked familiar.

He was following me around the store.

He was, uh...

He was blowing this-- he was blowing a whistle.

He looked familiar because his name is Troy Baker.

He played defense with you on our hockey team.

And that wasn't a whistle.

It was a vape pen.

I think you got your wires crossed.

[door clicks open]

I'll be outside when you're done.

It's too early to know if the multiple

traumatic brain injuries you sustained during deployment

exacerbated the incident.

And your epilepsy test came back negative.

Epilepsy?

I had a seizure?

Environmental factors can induce seizures

in patients with similar brain injuries.

Stress, lack of sleep, drug and alcohol abuse.

Well, how about getting fucking tased?

Can you recall any prior episodes?

[dramatic music playing]

[engine rumbling]

[indistinct police radio chatter]

[paper rustling]

-What's this? -Get yourself into a program, okay?

Pre-trial. Help reduce the sentence.

I'm having fucking seizures, and you're giving me a pamphlet?

That's not how the judge is gonna see this.

Not with your priors.

-Not with all the drugs and booze that was in your system. -Okay, so what?

I gotta-- I gotta join a circle jerk of whining fobbits

who've duped their doctors into thinking that they're basket cases

just so they could get 100% benefits?

Do you know what the fucking VAs put me through?

-It's gonna be a one-on-one. -No, no, no.

-I'm not doing that. -Well, you're gonna do it.

No, I'll do the fucking time before I do that.

Okay, tough guy. You're gonna do this, all right?

If you have a brain in your fucking head,

you're gonna listen to me right now.

-I'll think about it. -Yeah, you better think hard.

Because the next time you try to provoke a lethal response from law enforcement,

you might not have an angel sitting on your shoulder.

Well, lucky for me I got a fucking angel then.

What are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing?

Did you ever know me

to treat one of your classmates different than the next?

No, sir.

This isn't my some of the time.

This is my all of the time.

And this?

This is on my time.

If you're struggling,

and I can help, I'm there, no question.

That's real fucking tender.

That's nice. That was good. I felt it right here.

-[Coach O laughs] -I felt it right in my heart.

-Right-- Hmm. -Get the fuck out of my car.

-Are you serious? -Go, now.

-No. -Get the fuck out!

-Are you fucking serious? -Out!

Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm just-- I'm joking.

The arraignment's tomorrow, asshole.

-Thanks for the flyer. -Grow the fuck up!

[car door shuts closed]

[engine revving]

Shit.

[somber music playing]

Hey!

Buddy, let's go.

Off my property.

I'm sorry.

My-- my apologies.

Um-- [sniffles]

I'm looking for Alice St. Germain.

-This is her... -[paper rustling]

It's her last listed address.

She doesn't live here anymore.

Well, you know where she might have moved to

or how I might find her?

Your guess is as good as mine.

She's my daughter.

Are you Calvin?

Is that you?

Gunnery Sergeant Whitney St. Germain.

Alice and Brandon's dad.

"PS, you never did tell Alice and I what you...

"did to leave us so many years ago.

"But I will forgive you.

"And I hope you can forgive me.

"Maybe that's a story you can share with Calvin.

"First drink's on me.

"Your son, SPC

"Brandon St. Germain."

That's a--

That's a really nice letter your son wrote.

I've been meaning to visit him at the cemetery.

You know, it's-- it's not too far from here.

Look, man, I just got out of the hospital.

You know, I got this wicked bad headache.

My head is throbbing and I haven't showered in a couple days.

You know, my arm's busted. I just...

Can I-- can I call you? Um...

maybe we can go for a drink.

I understand. [clears throat]

[Whitney sniffles]

You have children?

You should know that...

your daughter, Alice and I, we-- we don't speak anymore.

You know, we've been separated for years.

Look, I really don't have much more for you

than that right now, you know?

Okay.

[Whitney clears throat]

Sure, I'm gonna have that drink?

Yeah.

[heartfelt music playing]

["Say No More" playing]

♪ We always had A real attraction ♪

♪ But we ain't never Crossed the line to explore ♪

♪ 'Cause we both had Our situations ♪

[Alice] I can't believe I slept through my alarm. I'm gonna be wicked late.

If I'd have known, I would have woke you up.

[Alice] You already did that when you came home last night.

-Twice. -Whoops.

Look, just-- just take my truck

and-- and I'll walk the girls to school.

It's fine.

Why does mommy sleep on the couch?

Because she was up late studying, honey.

She was sleeping on the couch even before your last deployment.

Wow. Thanks for the reminder, Squid.

Girls, after today

we're gonna be calling mommy Nurse Alice.

-Honey, where's your other sock? -[Izzy laughs]

[Alice] You lost another one, sweetie?

He's a snuff

and he moves slow...

Hey, boo.

Where's my sugar?

-Are you fucking kidding me? -What?

So we're back to morning drinking now?

You've got Sidney's PTA for fuck's sake.

I just had a nip to get the motor clean.

Okay, we're starting in front of the children now.

-I'm sick and tired of this shit. -Oh, my God.

It's your big day. I thought we were celebrating.

-You've done enough celebrating for this whole family. -Okay. All right.

-Okay, Mom. -[Darryl] Good morning.

Oh.

Look at this sight for sore eyes.

What the hell happened to bowling

and just a pitcher of beer?

[Darryl] I mean, it's not for lack of trying.

Hey, thanks to whoever's toothbrush this is.

Real classy, Darryl.

So does your wife know her man-baby of a husband

moved his entire family across the country

just so he can get into bar fights

and have slumber parties with his drinking buddy on school nights?

You know, I think she's just happy to have me out of the house.

-Do you want to hear me blow my whistle, Uncle Darryl? -[Darryl] Yes, sure, I do.

-[whistle blowing] -Just shave and put on a collared shirt.

Okay, I got it.

[Sydney] Why do we even have to go to Catholic school?

-We don't even go to church. -[Alice] Well, whose fault is that?

We used to-- [grunts] I am not doing this right now.

Can you be any more annoying?

-God, I hate this stupid family. -Hey!

Do you want to end up like these two knucklehead grunts on a permanent ripper?

Find yourself another family. The door's right there.

[door shuts closed]

Hey.

You know your mother loves you.

We're the knucklehead grunts here.

[Darryl farts]

[both laughing]

[Darryl laughs]

Was that you? Was that you? Who was that?

[Darryl] That was you.

That was Uncle Darryl.

[Darryl] No, I would never.

[somber music playing]

[engines rumbling]

[siren wailing in distance]

-[beer bottle hisses] -[pills clattering]

[sighs]

[sniffles]

[heartfelt music playing]

[Sydney] We're going to be late to school.

-Again. -[Calvin] Okay.

I'm just gonna make one pit stop.

Like I said, I'm always quick. You know I'm always quick.

Are you at least gonna shave?

-Wow. -Don't shave.

I like your beard.

-It's the best part of you, Dad. -Oh, thank you, Izzy.

What if I keep it just for you? Yeah?

You want me to keep it just for you?

All right, let's get you ready, girls.

Come on.

[♪]

[tapping on table]

Should we reschedule this?

[door clicks open]

Sorry, long line to take a leak.

[door clicks closed]

Nice shirt, Cal.

There it is.

Your Honor, at the time of the altercation

-and subsequent assault on the victim-- -[knocking on door]

Excuse me, Your Honor.

Sergeant Clarence O'Riordan, badge number 1922.

I'm the arresting officer.

[Judge Chatman] Have a seat.

And lock the door.

[door clicks closed]

Your Honor, at the time of the altercation

and subsequent assault on the victim,

the defendant had antipsychotic drugs in his system,

Seroquel and Risperdal,

antidepressants Zoloft and Paxil,

in addition to Oxycodone and Valium.

Does the defendant have any priors?

He certainly does.

May 2014, public intoxication, DUI.

June 2015, resisting arrest, assault.

September 2017, pink-papered,

put on suicide watch after a neighbor found him in the garage,

passed out, with the vehicle running.

Your Honor, my client has served this country honorably.

He has been awarded a Purple Heart

and a Bronze Star Medal for his combat service.

May I remind counsel that this is not a Miss Universe pageant?

[Coach O] Your Honor, if I may.

I have Mr. Cole's medical records

dating from his first traumatic brain injury

to his fifth in 2013.

[public defender] Your Honor, Mr. Cole's records show

that he suffers from memory loss,

persistent migraines and seizures,

all of which he is prescribed medication for

by the state of Massachusetts.

We would request a deferred adjudication

based on his medical history,

with post-traumatic stress from military service

as a mitigating factor.

[indistinct chatter]

Your Honor, my client is willing to drop the charges

contingent upon the defendant agreeing to attend rehabilitation.

[Judge Chatman] Is the defendant agreeable?

Yes, Your Honor, he is.

[uplifting music playing]

I'm ordering you to undergo

a 60-day outpatient rehabilitation program.

You will report back to the court each week.

If you fail to abide by these terms,

the court will hold you in contempt and you will be prosecuted.

Thank you for your service and good luck.

[gavel thuds]

[♪]

[Miss Consolino] Can I have your VA card, sir?

Wow, I'm going to have to put this on the wall of fame.

Welcome back, Gunny.

-[Whitney chuckles] -Card's expired.

You'll have to come back in the morning when the registrar's open.

Get it renewed.

Actually, I'm just here to see my daughter,

Alice St. Germain.

-Is she a patient? -No, she works here.

She could also be under the name of Alice Cole.

St. Germain...

Is she expecting you?

She's on nights this week.

If you want to come back after 10:00 p.m.

Or I could take a message.

No, I'm just saying hello.

It's been a number of years. Uh...

I'll wait for her.

[heartfelt music playing]

[keyboard clacking]

[road din]

Mr. St. Germain?

Gunny? Sir?

[Whitney clears throat]

I'm sorry, but your daughter is unable to see you this evening.

Oh, okay.

I-- I can wait or come back any time.

Alice says that this is not the proper place for a reunion.

She said that?

Well, if I could just talk to her, maybe--

I checked our system and based on the condition of discharge on your DD-214,

you are not considered a veteran.

-What? Who says? -I am so sorry, sir.

But I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

[somber music playing]

[car horn honking]

[Calvin grunts]

[TV show playing in background]

[sighs]

[door clicks open]

It's about fucking time.

Let's go.

Jesus Christ.

You're not one of them, uh...

pervy coaches

who's, like, secretly in love with one of his players, are you?

I hate to disappoint, but I'm not into dudes

who get their beards out of a trash can at a Brazilian wax shop.

We're gonna be late.

And you reek like a fucking gin mill.

[Calvin exhales]

You ready?

Yeah.

Once a Shamrock, always a winner.

[indistinct chatter]

[Miss Hazel] Miss Knox?

You're late.

Sorry.

What's this?

I baked a little something for the class.

Anyone ever tell you you never feed the animals at the zoo?

Good luck.

Thanks.

[Coach O sighs]

[Coach O slurping]

Are you kidding?

I just got my teeth whitened.

Mr. Cole, we're ready for you.

"John works the night shift at a factory,

making $10 an hour.

As he heads out the door,

he notices that his car has a flat.

-He goes back inside--" -No, no, no.

Are you kidding me?

Ten bucks an hour?

It just sounds like John's being exploited.

Calvin.

You just have to repeat the story to the best of your ability.

Good morning.

Welcome.

Uh, my name is...

Dr. Elecia Knox.

I am a combat trauma specialist in training,

and I also volunteer at the Veterans Crisis Hotline.

Um...

truth be told, this is my first day, too,

so it kind of gives us all something in common.

And I brought some freshly baked muffins,

my mother's recipe.

You're welcome to--

Good, good. Thanks.

Um...

Okay. [chuckles nervously]

All right.

Wow.

I never thought I'd see you here.

Never thought I'd see you anywhere. [chuckles]

I'm really glad you had a change of heart.

You know, just walking through that door

can be the longest road travelled.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Hey, did you know that your father got out?

Because he stopped by the house.

He's making his rounds.

[Alice scoffs]

I always knew when he got out,

he'd come for Brandon's death benefit.

If you see him, just tell him not to ask for me.

And if he comes back here, he will be arrested.

He's a dangerous man, Calvin.

Be careful.

He didn't know we had kids.

I gotta get back to work.

Take care of yourself, Cal.

[Sydney] Miss Diaz's head is going to explode.

That woman grows horns when she gets mad.

-Daddy? -Yes, honey?

When can I blow my whistle?

Well, how about you blow it right now?

-[whistle blowing] -There we go.

I'll write you a note. They always work.

-Are they good at detention? -Really?

-My notes always work. -"Oh, please excuse Sydney.

"She had diarrhea and her boots leaked."

Okay, that was not my best, but did it work?

"Oh, no, Sydney had her first menstrual cycle.

"And due to her emotional distress, she couldn't come to class."

Okay, that was a little edgy, but were you complaining

when you were at the prize counter for Dave and Buster's?

I haven't even had it yet, Dad.

-Had what? -Nothing.

[intense music playing]

Hey, Patty, give me forty on Keno,

a roll of quarters for the girls,

and I'll take a pint of lager.

-[Patty] Sounds good. -You girls give me your bags?

Thanks.

[Dr. Knox] Oh, no, Mom. Please tell me you didn't.

No, I'm-- yes, I'm sure her son is consistent,

but I told you that I'm not ready to date yet.

I need to focus on my work and on Cody, and I--

Oh, I gotta go, okay? I love you, Mom. Bye.

-Good morning. -Hi. Um...

I'm here to see Dr. Elecia Knox.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Hi.

Um, I guess I'm supposed to give you that.

Oh, yeah.

Please, make yourself comfortable.

[Dr. Knox sighs]

Okay.

Oh.

Oh, actually, those are temporary.

My grandson and I have...

craft nights on Mondays.

That's reassuring.

You even certified?

Well, I have a work-study program,

until they find a placement for me.

Why don't you sit down?

Oh, that's what my mom would call

my wall of very expensive art on layaway.

A little late in the game to be taking a whack at it, don't you think?

Well, why don't we get started?

Now, I love this stuff.

Sort of takes away the tension.

-Why don't you try it? -[Calvin scoffs]

Something funny?

I just...

I just let the courts think that you're gonna fix me.

Well...

I hate to disappoint you, but I can't fix you.

You probably wanna change your sales pitch there.

Even if I could fix you,

it would take away your ownership

of the problem, the solution, and the moving on.

That's your job, not mine.

Who said I had a problem?

Maybe you don't.

But you're the only one here under a court order.

Now, I've scheduled you

for an EMDR session today.

But what I'd like you to do is spend an hour

writing out a timeline of...

difficult memories in your life.

Memories that caused you pain,

fear, discomfort.

You can start at childhood.

Yeah, that, uh-- that sounds like a real hoot.

Um, listen, I'm happy to shoot the shit with you here.

We can talk about the Sox blowing it this year

or whatever teen novel's getting you hot,

but you can't sit there and pretend like you have any fucking clue

what it's like to be in combat.

No. I can't.

But what I do know

is this field of work that I've dedicated my life to has helped a lot of people.

You're not alone, Calvin.

So take your time.

All right?

And bring this back to me in about an hour.

[heartfelt music playing]

Yo, Darryl.

Oh, were you waiting outside with binoculars?

Well, it's a little warped, but I think it adds character.

All right.

-Honey. -Hey.

-[Darryl] It's your grumpy Uncle Tiger. -Hi, Uncle Tiger.

Hey. Wow.

She really did take everything in that divorce.

[Darryl] Yeah, no shit. She even took the curtains.

At least she let you keep the bird.

Mm.

Hey, you want a beer?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, what's his name?

Bill.

Bill the bird.

Hi, Bill.

[Calvin grunts]

-So how'd the interview go? -Ugh, I'm 0 for seven.

Here you go.

Oh-ho, so you finally met your match.

-Yeah. -Cheers, brother.

Cheers.

What are you feeding this guy? Look at this.

[Darryl grunts] What do you want? I did four tours.

Of the Cheesecake Factory.

Oh! [Calvin laughing]

[Darryl] You're gonna do me like that?

-Okay. -Little spicy. Little spicy.

[Darryl] That's a nice one, Tay.

Why are you so grumpy, Uncle Tiger?

Is it 'cause you broke your arm?

Um... no.

No, I'm not grumpy.

I kind of should be grumpy, though.

Having just lost the National Arm Wrestling title

to Nikolai Volkov.

No way. What happened?

The wrestler from the '80s?

I was competing in the Sam Adams Stroganoff

National Arm Wrestling Championship.

It comes down to me and the filthy Ruski.

All right?

And I'm right-handed, so that's my go-to.

And I'm thinking, all right, but he was five steps ahead of me, this guy.

So I switch it up last minute.

I go to the left.

You see here, see how my thumb's bigger right there?

So I'm thinking I'm going to go over the top,

you know, and just... [growls] ...like that.

But he already had his own bag of tricks.

So what'd you do?

I ate his guts.

Just like this. [growling]

[Darryl]] All right, all right, all right. That ain't it, bro.

-Come on, you're making a mess. -[Calvin] All right, I got to hit the latrine.

I'm gonna grab another beer.

[Taylor] Daddy?

Do you think you and Uncle Tiger are going to hell?

Why would you ask that? Did someone say that to you?

Mommy said you both killed people.

She said that?

Jesus fucking Christ.

What your mom seems to forget is they were really bad guys.

And Daddy and Uncle Tiger, we didn't have a choice.

They were gonna kill us.

You won't go to hell for it?

No, I don't think so.

I mean, I hope not.

I hope not either.

Mommy said that you can't be saved.

[somber music building]

[Calvin] Hey, brother, I gotta bounce.

[indistinct]

-Already? -Yeah, I got a few things I got to do.

It was good to see you, Tay.

Good to see you too, Uncle Tiger.

I guess I'll walk you out.

-Hey, thanks for coming by. -Yeah.

-[indistinct] -Of course.

Yeah.

Uh, hey.

Okay.

All right.

Getting little jolly [indistinct] Santa Claus.

[Darryl chuckling] [indistinct]

[♪]

Hey.

Hey.

Uh...

Sorry I'm late.

This was a lot harder than I thought.

That's okay.

Why don't you come in and sit down?

[faint office din]

Let's get to it, shall we?

Okay. Are you ready?

[Calvin] Yeah.

Okay.

[low droning sound]

Now can you tell me what you're hearing?

It's like, uh...

a beeping going back and forth into my ears.

[Dr. Knox] And what are you feeling?

Mmm.

It's a, like, a buzzing in my hands.

Okay.

Now, if it's all right with you,

can we begin this one that says rotten apple?

Yeah. Uh...

So that was around the time that my mom

first got sick with cancer and...

and my parents were going through a pretty bad divorce.

And I was just trying to do something nice, you know, so...

on my way home from school one day,

I picked this apple off a tree, and I polished it all nice, and...

When I got home, I gave it to my dad, and...

He took a bite out of it...

And he said, "Huh.

"It's rotten.

"Just like you."

All right, now I'm going to turn on the light. Okay?

-Okay. -All right?

[faint, rhythmic thudding]

All right.

That will help balance both sides of your brain.

Now just slow your breathing.

I'm right here.

[faint thudding accelerates]

[Calvin breathing slowly]

All right, now I'm going to turn it up higher.

[faint, rapid thudding]

It's all right.

Keep watching.

Now, can you see that little boy?

Yeah.

And how does he feel?

[faint, rapid thudding continues]

Worthless.

Like it's...

It's all my fault that they're getting divorced.

-[Calvin exhales sharply] -It's all right.

[faint, rapid thudding continues]

I'm right here, Calvin.

Fucking tripping [indistinct] fucking bullshit on me.

-Calvin, no, listen now. -This is a fucking amateur hour.

-[indistinct] -I ain't your fucking science experiment, bitch.

Oh, you disrespect me like that one more time,

and I will bounce your ass back in front of a judge so fast,

you'll spend your life looking for a box full of fucks that I don't give.

[office din]

[bell tolling]

If I wanted a friend, I would've bought a goldfish.

I went to see my daughter.

Yeah, I know.

Not a good move.

You talk to her?

You tell her about her brother's letter?

Yeah, she already spoke to him before he passed.

Look, she doesn't want to see me,

and she definitely doesn't want to see you.

So don't go into her work again

unless you want to go back to prison.

Look, I think if we just talk to her.

No, no, no, not we. You understand? Not we.

I'm not going to help you con your daughter

out of your son's death money.

Is that what you think this is?

I don't want no damn money.

I just want my family back.

-I think you'd best be on your way. -Be on my way?

I am on my way.

To get my family back.

You know what, I think maybe it's time we took

a little walk into the lake of you.

Might be surprised what we find lying in the bottom.

Good luck with that.

You don't know what it's like...

to lose everything you ever had, everything you ever wanted,

everything you ever loved.

Your family, your job, your home.

Your dignity.

To see your best friend evaporate into pink mist.

Women, children, burned alive.

We came back, and they spat on us at the airport.

Threw rocks at us.

"Exit out the back, Jack.

"Your medals are in the mail."

No homecoming parade, no celebrations,

no fancy names for shit.

No fancy programs.

You know what they called it?

Shell shock.

As in man the fuck up, nigga.

You got no wound? Huh?

Well, suck it up, buttercup.

And they tell me I'm not a veteran.

I, me, I'm not a veteran!

I did the job they asked me to do.

All we wanted was a welcome home.

That's it.

Shame.

The shame.

Hey, don't you turn your back on me.

Turn around and face me like a man.

You knocked up my daughter...

and leave.

Where were you when my son fighting for his last breath?

-Huh? -[Calvin gasping for air] I was--

I was right there with him.

You ain't no killer.

You're a tourist.

[both groaning and grunting]

Just do it. Do it.

[Calvin gasping and groaning]

[both panting]

Hey, [indistinct] you don't knock it off, I'm gonna call the fucking cops.

Get back in your fucking house right now.

Bunch of assholes.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's so cold.

It's so cold.

-Hey. -Oh, God.

[both panting]

Hey, Gunny.

Where you been staying?

Bus shelter.

Park bench.

Blew through all the money that...

Brandon left me, that's all I had.

You're welcome to stay here, okay?

But, uh...

There's gotta be some house rules.

You understand?

I don't know how it was in the bucket,

but you try any weird fucking prison shit with me, you're out.

[emotional music playing]

Bathroom's first door on the left.

Help yourself to the fridge.

[♪]

[music fades]

How'd it go with Mr. Cole today?

I'm... encouraged.

If you can reach the boy, you can heal the man.

Night, Ms. Knox.

[sighs]

[tentative music playing]

[Troy] Come on, that's it? That's all you got?

-Give me some kisses. Give me some kisses. -Come on.

-Cole! -Oh, Joe.

Get the fuck out of here.

-How you doing? -Once a shamrock, always a winner.

Yeah, look at that. I wore it on all my deployments.

That's awesome.

-Wow, it's been forever. -Yeah.

I remember looking for you at the graduation,

but the guys said that they, uh...

they said you got sent out on a quick ship right out of base.

Right to the front of the Ebola catcher. That's a good memory.

Right on.

How you been, man? You still skating?

Uh, you know, I'm just kind of in between gigs, you know?

Just, uh... playing Mr. Mom,

you know, while my wife is finishing her residency.

Hey, uh, let me buy you a drink.

-I know, it's all right. [indistinct] -No, come on. Have one.

-Have one. -We're having wings and sodas.

You know, if the girls need a ride, you can, uh...

We're on foot. It's okay.

I run a shinny league. Wednesday nights.

Come down, you strap 'em on again.

Door's always open.

Yeah, I'll think about it.

Good to see you.

Better luck next time.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Cole.

Thank you for your service.

[bar din]

Thank you for your fucking service.

[pinball machine whooshing, beeping]

[phone ringing]

[indistinct announcement over TV]

-Great job. -Thanks.

His name is Armando Flores.

He's an RN, and he works with your wife.

[somber music playing]

[pinball machine beeping distantly]

[♪]

-[bell rings] -[man] Order up.

[upbeat music playing over speaker]

Okay, ladies, here we go.

All right, I don't do house calls,

so this better be a fucking treat.

I mean, how did you find me?

It's on your apron.

[co-worker] Is everything all right?

[sighs] It's okay.

All right.

You've got five minutes.

-Thank you. -[Calvin clears his throat]

I don't know anything about you.

[scoffs]

I was born on the Cape to loving parents.

-I have a sister named... -No.

I want emotional collateral.

You know, this isn't about me.

This is about you.

And if you want to get well,

you've got to take your treatment seriously or stop wasting my time.

There's two of me.

There's Calvin,

and there's the monster that was created over there.

You lose your morality when you go to war.

And part of that teaches you how to kill...

and another part helps you survive.

And the hard part is coming back to a civilian...

society that doesn't have any idea

what's going on in your head.

Now, the rage, the drugging, the drinking...

that's normal.

And I know you don't feel normal.

But it is normal.

It's the trauma that wasn't.

And all the noise in my head?

Okay.

I'm going to give you a little exercise.

It's called tapping.

Now, when you get triggered

and you get unwanted thoughts in your head,

you take two fingers on both sides

and you just tap...

on the outer meridians of your head.

Just like that.

Just gently.

And it will calm down the way your brain is working.

I know it seems simple.

Just try it.

Yeah, just like that.

Mm-hmm.

All the way around.

[indistinct whispering]

-I feel stupid. -No, don't feel stupid.

You can also do it on your hand.

It's right there.

There you go.

Just like that.

Simple.

Listen.

-When you're ready... -[paper crinkling]

maybe you can tell me why your timeline ends four years ago.

When you are...

I'll be there to listen.

Okay?

I'm sorry about earlier today.

Yeah.

So am I.

[quiet music playing]

Hey.

Whenever you're ready.

[♪]

Where'd you say you got this piece of shit from?

Uh, an old friend of mine owns this place.

He said if we unload

some stuff for him, he'd give me a job.

Maybe I can buy that truck from him.

-This frozen banana? -[Gunny laughs]

Yeah, it is a little bright, ain't it?

I'm getting a sunburn from this thing.

What, you don't like the color?

You get a job digging ditches in them chukkas?

What are you talking about? I love these things.

Hey, look, every real Marine

drives these black Cadillacs.

You look like Saturday Night Fever in those things.

Well, I don't know how you Army grunts do it,

but every real Marine takes a walk on the wild side.

[both laughing]

[train horn honks]

What's she like, my daughter?

She's one of the most wonderful people I've ever met in my life.

Yeah, you don't speak, you don't see your children.

Still wearing a wedding ring.

Yeah.

I think that's the way she kind of likes it.

And what about you, you know, all that time away from your family, locked up.

Was that worth it?

It was my last week running drills at Parris Island.

Me and Gloria were set to move back here

with the kids, be closer to our family.

And there she was.

my old nurse from De Nang--

working as a desk clerk.

She was coming, I was going.

So we agreed to meet off base.

Had a few too many drinks trying to figure out what this thing was.

When a couple of locals followed us outside.

Next thing I know, I'm getting stomped by five guys.

-[Calvin exclaims softly] -Yeah.

So she tries to stop 'em.

Gets hit. I get up, push one of them off.

He falls back over his own damn feet.

Splits his head open on the parking curb.

Died instantly.

Now you gotta understand, back then in the South...

dealing with somebody outside your own race...

[scoffs]

...Oh man, that was dangerous.

Especially for a married man.

Judge never saw it as a hate crime.

I get court-martialed.

Stripped of all my medals.

I get 25 years to life.

[exhales sharply]

Yeah.

25 years in the Corps.

Another 30 locked up in Leavenworth.

And they ask me, am I rehabilitated?

[sorrowful music building]

My pain is relative, son.

Sometimes we gotta fall apart...

to find ourselves all over again.

[♪]

[spooky music playing]

[decoration laughing]

You just had to ask her.

I'll be the greatest hero to lead Scotland to freedom.

And you and Uncle Tiger can be ballet dancers.

Whoa, whoa, hold on, dude.

Did she say ballet dancers or ballerinas?

Because I'm pretty sure the ballet dudes,

they don't wear tiaras and tutus.

Oh, shit. My bad.

-Oh, God. -[Darryl chuckling]

You know, Crystal's at it with the lawyers again.

She got me doing couples therapy so they know

every card to play in court.

She garnished my wages and took my connection pay.

[Darryl shudders] They're talking full custody now.

Full custody based on what?

They're saying I'm not medically fit to take care of her needs?

-[Calvin scoffs] Not medically fit? -Yeah.

How many guys you know that take a blast

from a 70-year-old Russian frag

and fucking live to tell the story.

Yeah, and I'm still finding shrapnel in my morning crispies.

[both] Snap, crackle, pop.

-[Calvin chuckles] -Boom.

Okay, I'm gonna take Taylor up a couple more houses.

Then we gotta go home and rehearse this dance number for a talent show.

-Peace, brother. -All right.

Come on, girl, let's go get our dancing shoes on.

-[girls laughing] -[Sydney] Stop!

-Your costume's so dumb. -Yeah, what even is that?

-[Calvin] Hey, stop. -Oh, my God, someone's coming.

-What are you doing? -Let's get out of here.

Hey, stop!

Are you okay?

Here, let me help you.

Dad?

Sydney?

No, no, no, no. Please, stop.

-What do you want? -I just want to talk to you, please.

-You ruined my life. -I know, and I'm so sorry.

We should have went to school.

-I know. I-- -We stayed at the bar.

I know, and I live with that regret every day. You have no idea.

You're not the only one who has to go through this.

Please, come here. Come here.

I hate you, I was so mean to her that morning.

Your sister loves you, and you know that.

-Please. -You're such a piece of shit.

I'm so sorry.

Leave me alone.

Whenever you're ready.

I was never idealistic, you know?

I never watched Saving Private Ryan

or Full Metal Jacket and was like, that's me.

Like, I gotta do that.

You know, I...

I think I just wanted to be one of the good guys, you know?

Just go over there and protect my brothers.

To be fair, you know, most of us were broke,

had shit going on, you know?

When you ain't got nothing, you ain't got nothing to lose.

Were you...

Were you afraid?

Fuck yeah.

You know, you don't go hopping through people's backyards in my hood

in the middle of the night unless you want to get shot, so I figured, you know...

I mean, like, why should this be any different?

And the thing is, is that

nobody thinks it's gonna be them.

I mean, certainly not until the...

Gate on the bird comes down and you see the terrain

and you feel the heat on your face, smell the air.

It becomes pretty fucking real.

It's just...

it's just not what you think it's gonna be like,

and maybe that's just life,

but it couldn't be further from those glossy commercials

of be all you can be, you know?

But look, I...

I didn't want to kill anybody...

If that's what you're thinking.

That never crossed my mind.

[Calvin sighs]

It was one of our first missions as a unit.

And the intel from inside the village was that there was 20 known targets

trying to hide caches of large weapons,

you know, in these tunnel systems.

It was like Viet Cong shit.

It was fucking scary.

So we dropped flyers on all the villages, homes and...

and any military-age man that was left behind would be suspect.

By the time we were boots on the ground,

we had lost 0-dark-hundred, meaning that our plan

to get in and out before sunrise had gone to shit.

So this was gonna become very dangerous very quick for us.

Uh, we breached the first few homes.

It was just mostly women, children,

some elderly people, you know.

And I think we started to think, like,

maybe we are winning their hearts and minds.

Maybe-- maybe all this time that we've been in this country...

meant something.

And that's when I...

Came upon this six-foot cinderblock sheep pen wall, and...

[exhales sharply]

I knew we weren't all coming back.

Why is that?

There was this two-foot crack in the wall.

And within those two feet...

I knew it was gonna be bad.

It was just...

Evil.

Ominous, you know.

Just...

You could feel it in your soul,

just, like, sucking it like a vacuum.

I...

I continued on, breaching doors.

Got to a few more village homes,

and that's when Third Squad took contact.

We rushed to their position, and sure enough, there was Brandon,

trying to get into that pen to get to our guys.

Our comms weren't working well that day,

so I didn't have a signal, and I had to call out to him,

and I said, "Don't go in there."

And he just-- he just turned to me...

And there was this...

This look on his face.

And it was like...

it was like the entire reason that he was put on this Earth

was to go into that pen after his men.

And that's when he went through that two-foot crack in the wall,

and he never came back.

Did my son suffer?

[gentle music playing]

A father's got to know.

I can only imagine it a thousand times worse.

Brandon took ten AK rounds and was grenaded by the enemy

who were hiding under that thatch in the sheep pen.

When we got in there, we smoked them pretty good.

Deacons and admins were KIA, but...

Brandon was still alive.

I-- I performed life-saving tourniquet,

quick clot, to stop the bleeding, but he hadn't worn his plates that day,

so he had sustained massive trauma to his upper torso

and lower right side from the shrapnel.

Your boy wasn't scared, Mr. St. Germain.

He knew he was loved.

[♪]

Brandon died...

right here, in between these two village homes.

Six thousand miles away from here.

Sorry I couldn't bring your son home, sir.

I think I'll have that drink now.

[door bell ringing]

Buying or selling today?

Oh, I, uh...

Just these.

Are these yours?

Yes.

Under the Stolen Valor Act, we can't buy these.

I tell you what.

How about I hang on to them

and whenever you're ready, you come back and get 'em.

How much for this?

-[upbeat music playing] -[faint buzzing]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not too much, all right?

Don't take too much off.

I don't want to look like a jarhead.

-[Calvin chuckles] -All right. Come on.

-Just relax, okay? -Okay, okay.

I did all the shape-ups in the bag.

All right, you know, I'm just a little nervous.

-I know. -Yeah, God.

My parole officer's coming in a minute.

He put in a word for me at the credit union.

I'm gonna take over the payments for the truck.

All right. Okay.

[Gunny exhales sharply]

-Just a sec. -Okay.

♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪

-All right. -All right.

Thanks. Thanks.

Got married in this thing.

I still got it or what?

Huh? How do I look?

-Like you're playing for keeps. -[Gunny laughs]

All right, Mr. St. Germain.

If you could just sign here, here,

and here, we should be all set.

The loan will be approved pending the appeal of your discharge status.

Okay. [sniffles and clears his throat]

I didn't want to say anything, but you wouldn't happen to be

related to Alice St. Germain, would you?

Yes, yes. That's my daughter.

I just want to extend my sincerest condolences to you, sir.

I know it's been some years now.

Oh. Look...

It's okay.

Brandon died doing what he loved to do.

I'm sorry.

I meant Alice's youngest daughter, Isabella.

[knocking]

Darryl?

[bird chirps]

["Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky, music box version]

Darryl?

[music stops]

[door latch clicks, door squeaking]

You gonna take that drink, soldier?

Or you gonna try door number two?

Either way, same result.

[somber music playing]

Oh, I've seen that look.

This is it.

All or nothing.

I bet you wonder...

where's my tribe?

Man, I ain't talking about no friendship, neither.

I'm talking about brotherhood.

The willingness to give your life

for the one to your left or to your right.

To put the welfare of the group over your own and know...

they'd do the same for you in an instant.

Where you gonna find that back here?

There's no greater love or intimacy.

Not for flag, not for country...

for glory.

Just for each other.

Semper fi.

Always faithful.

[♪]

[cartridge clattering]

I know about my granddaughter.

That was a big one to keep from me.

But I kept my secret for 30 years, so...

I'm gonna give you a pass.

But just like me, I know you're seeking redemption.

I can see it in your eyes.

You've walked through the portal.

Seen the world unfiltered.

It's both a blessing and a curse.

But we hold the line, son.

And whatever this is, you have me.

Because I found my tribe.

And I ain't giving up on it.

[♪]

Welcome to the awakening.

[Calvin] You know, my Ma used to say that the will of God

won't take you where the grace of God won't protect you.

And in that moment,

I was praying to a God I hadn't spoke to in a long time.

I think I'm ready to talk about Izzy.

[pinball machine jangling]

Hmm. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Just wait until I finish this level.

I've never gotten this far.

Yes!

Hey, coach!

I just won ten grand. How's that for good luck?

[man] There you go, kid.

Next round's on Target brand Matt Damon.

-Dad! -Cash me out?

Dad! Dad!

I can't find Isabel.

She needed to go to the bathroom

and I told her she could wait while

I play my game, but she's not here.

No, no, no. It's okay.

She's gonna be somewhere. We'll find her.

Don't worry.

Just stay right here, okay?

Just stay right here. Just sit right there.

Izzy?

Isabella!

[wind chime jingles]

Izzy!

Izzy!

Have you seen a little, she's girl about this tall,

she's got a pink jacket on?

[horn blares]

Izzy!

[whistle blowing]

[horn blares]

Izzy!

[whistle blowing]

[whistle blowing]

[whistle blowing]

[sirens blaring]

[somber music playing]

[sobbing]

Hi.

I'm Armando.

Alice and I are in the same nursing program.

I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances.

Why don't you take a break?

Sydney's upstairs in her room.

Can I make you a plate of food?

Can I come in?

Can you at least speak to me, Squid?

[Sidney exhales]

I have nothing to say.

[tearfully] Don't call me that anymore.

[Armando] You're going through a lot right now.

-You just need to stay calm. -No, no.

I need to figure this out now.

[sobbing] Let me go.

[woman] Just calm down.

I think she just needs some space, bro.

-What? -I think she just needs some space.

Hey! Hey! Hey! No!

She's my wife!

What the is wrong with you?

-Let go of me! -[Alice] Calm down!

Just let me fucking speak!

[breathing heavily]

When Brandon didn't make it home...

I weathered that storm with you.

You gave me no choice.

So I put aside my own grief,

my own suffering of losing my brother...

the only family I ever had.

I did that for you. [sobs]

And you too.

And your Tammy Faye wife.

And no, sweetie, Jesus ain't getting you out

of this ratfuck fuck mess either.

I thought that was hitting bottom.

When you got back from your last deployment...

I realized there was no bottom.

Something was different.

It wasn't that you'd changed.

You'd been replaced.

You refused to talk to me.

[sobs]

Or anyone else for that matter.

Every night you would moan in your sleep.

You'd-- you'd walk around the house talking to yourself.

You can't hold down a job.

If they don't fire you first for being such a fuck-up.

And a danger to you and everyone around you.

Do you know what it's like...

to be paralyzed every time the phone rings...

hoping it's not the coroner

'cause they found your dead body?

And then that call came.

[sobs]

But it wasn't you.

And I prayed to God it was.

And no one in this room would disagree.

[Dr. Knox] What are you grateful for, Calvin?

Have you not been listening to me?

[Dr. Knox] You said that a friend came over and saved your life last night.

Do you feel grateful to them for being there

when you needed them the most?

Yeah.

[Dr. Knox] Good.

What else?

I don't know. I guess I'm...

I'm here with you.

[chuckles]

Yeah, you are.

What else?

Well, there's guys I served with that I...

that I really miss.

You know, that I want to see.

Well, I bet they'd like to see you, too.

I bet they miss you.

I mean, can you feel that?

Calvin, gratitude.

You can see it everywhere.

And it's there for you.

Just for you.

It's a gift.

I mean, it doesn't really feel that way.

Well, do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?

I mean, what is it that you truly want, Calvin?

I just want to know that it wasn't all for nothing.

Hmm.

I-- I just want to--

I don't know, wake up in the morning and matter.

I want a relationship with

my daughter and her mother, and I just...

I just want to wake up in the morning and feel something.

Do you feel that you deserve that?

No.

[Dr. Knox sighs]

I want you to imagine a 52-year-old freshman in college...

waiting tables at night, cleaning hotel rooms

on the weekends,

so she can come home and take care of her grandson...

who's so heartbroken that he asks her...

"Why didn't my daddy love me enough to live?"

And you know what she's got?

"I don't know."

See...

My grandson, Cody...

His father was my son, Michael.

And his suicide...

[sighs]

...wasn't to end things for getting worse.

What it did was it eliminated

the possibility of things getting better.

It took everything that I had

to forgive him, but I did.

And I did because...

I had so much gratitude for Cody.

He's a gift.

And because of him, I started to...

look around in my life for other gifts.

And what I found was abundance...

and the strength to learn how to take care of

other little boys and little girls,

so their parents could come home

and say, "Baby..." [sobs]

"...you are more than worth it."

[Dr. Knox sobs]

You see, this place...

This place is meant to take you from minus five to zero.

But what if you could live on a higher level,

net positive.

PTG.

Post-traumatic growth.

You see, with loss,

traumatic loss...

is so painful.

And the pain leads to anger.

The anger leads to grit.

And with grit, you can survive just about anything.

And you and I both know about that.

Now, Calvin, you were willing to give your life for your country.

Now maybe you can try living for it.

Thanks.

-I'll see you tomorrow? -Yeah.

Okay.

[bright music playing]

[♪]

You wanted to see me?

This isn't a daycare.

I need you to be careful with how much personal time

and emotional investment you give a patient.

You're only here to provide the tools, nothing more.

If you have patients believing that you're Dumbo's feather

and you develop compassion fatigue

and they drop the feather, where will that leave you?

Where will that leave them?

I guess...

I become the system.

-Having lost your son... -Wait a minute.

He has nothing to do with this.

He has everything to do with the way you're treating Mr. Cole.

I just want him to know he's got a chance.

That there's hope.

Hope is the only thing these men and women have,

and if you take that away, they will become a statistic.

Oh.

Okay.

What's this?

These are all of Mr. Cole's brain scans,

dating all the way back to his first head trauma,

sustained during deployment.

I had neurology compare his scans

with his neuropsych tests.

They were able to identify

the degenerate, systematic patterns

that we now see in deceased NFL players with CTE.

Difficulties with impulse control,

decision-making, volatile behavior,

symptoms we know conclusively as a CTE diagnosis.

A diagnosis that can only be made post-mortem.

When it's too late.

[indistinct chatter]

[phone ringing]

Hey, Cal, you getting that?

[phone ringing]

Hello? Cole residence.

[Alice over phone] Hi, is Calvin there?

Um, no, he's indisposed at the moment.

Can I take a message or have him call you back?

[Alice] Whitney?

Is that you?

Uh...

yeah, yeah, this is him.

[Alice] One of our friends passed.

-Yeah. Very sad. -[Alice] I just...

I just wanted to know if there were any services planned.

Yeah, there's gonna be a service, um...

Friday at noon.

Uh, St. Patrick's over on...

[Alice] Yeah, I know where that is.

Just please let him know. I hope it's okay.

We'd like to pay our respects.

Okay. I'll let him know.

I'm sure he'll be glad to hear you coming.

-[Alice] Thanks. -Right. See you then.

Listen, we're having a reception after...

[dial tone]

[bell tolling]

[inaudible speaking]

[somber music playing]

[inaudible speaking]

[inaudible speaking]

[inaudible speaking] [music swells]

[inaudible speaking]

[music fades]

Hey.

Um...

can I come in?

Your father wanted me to give you these.

It plays really pretty music, a little ballerina.

You just wind it up right there.

He also wanted me to give you these.

These are his medals from his service.

They only give those to people who do something really brave.

Your father was a brave man.

He begged my mom to move this year.

He told everyone so I could go to a better school,

and maybe that's true.

But I think he needed to be closer to you...

to feel safe.

Why are you doing that?

I just, um...

I just do it when I'm anxious or when I'm scared.

It just helps to calm me.

I want you to know that I loved your father very much.

If there's anything that you ever need...

I'll be there.

["Stay" by Charly Lowry playing]

♪ Is it too much to ask To have this dance? ♪

♪ I want to see The moonlight in your eyes ♪

♪ Stay, stay, Stay a little bit longer ♪

So I'm thinking I'm probably gonna head out next week

after the court signs off on my last session.

Good. Signs off on what?

Oh. It's probably a conversation for another time.

I was just gonna...

head out onto the open road,

you know, see some of the country,

some of my guys, just kinda...

Get right with myself.

I was just thinking we should probably talk.

Seems like that's what we're doing.

Hey, you got a plan, I understand.

I'll be out by the time you get back.

No, that's not what I'm saying.

I was actually gonna ask you if you were okay with...

you know, holding the fort.

Sure. [laughs]

Sure. Um...

When you coming back?

Probably before Christmas.

Gotham still needs its duo on that track.

[Whitney laughs] Great.

Gives me a chance to work on my holiday flan from the clink.

[Calvin] I'll be on the edge of my seat.

[laughs]

[art therapist] Painting your authentic self.

Let the brush become an extension of your hand.

Finding your inner self.

Let each stroke... [voice fades]

[soft music playing]

[♪]

You told me I'd find you in here.

[chuckles] What did you do, wrestle a unicorn?

That was always your joke with the girls...

competing in arm wrestling tournaments.

Yeah, I, uh, I did an intro to dance,

so I decided to pick up a brush.

Wait, wait.

Dancing and painting? Who are you? [chuckles]

Is that yours?

Might be.

-Yeah, it's top secret. -Okay.

So...

how you been?

Uh, good.

Good, good. Yeah, um...

learning a lot about myself, you know.

They, uh, they said that the army

primed my noodle for combat, but not for the civilian world, you know.

They told me that I have...

no use for my frontal lobes,

which is the, uh, the Bruce Banner part of the brain,

you know, which has the, um, inhibitory thoughts

to stop you from doing crazy shit, which is the Hulk part.

But I guess that's, uh...

I guess that's why I could never decide on a flavor

when we took the girls for ice cream.

That, and you'd threaten to kill the kid

behind the counter if you got impatient.

-Sorry. -No, no, no, it's, it's okay. It's-- that's fair.

So, yeah, I was thinking I'd do

some more courses here and try to get my GED.

-Maybe use the GI Bill. -That's great.

Mm, I keep rambling.

No, no, it's okay. It's-- it's good.

It's the most you've talked in years.

I see you're still hiding.

So what about you? I mean, how's work going?

[sighs] You know, it's really fulfilling, actually.

I just, uh, took a transfer to a VA in Vermont.

It's a promotion, actually.

Wow, congrats. That's great.

-Thanks. -Vermont.

Yeah. I think it'll be good for Sydney.

You know, everything here still reminds her of...

-[sighs] -Yeah.

We'll be closer to Josh's firm.

Uh, Josh, I...

oh, I, uh, I didn't know.

Congrats on that.

That's great. Yeah, that's great.

Thank you.

We're just gonna do something small in the backyard.

-You know? -Yeah.

How about you?

Seeing anyone special?

-Oh. -Hopeful romantic.

In time.

You know...

thank you for showing my father kindness.

He saved my life.

Listen, I was gonna swing by and just,

you know, pick up some of Isabella's things.

Okay.

Yeah, um, any time. Yeah.

Okay.

Sydney wanted me to give you this.

She's also been in therapy.

Can you tell her that I love her?

She knows.

And I will.

[♪]

[upbeat music playing from inside building]

[♪]

Let's give it up one more time for the amazing Melody.

Isn't she incredible?

Maybe she will tell us her secrets.

What do you think?

[off-key flute playing]

[off-key trumpet playing]

[overlapping conversations]

-Hey. -You're finally here.

We have to go put on our costumes and do our makeup.

Costumes? Makeup?

Just remember what I taught you. And try not to step on my feet.

You got this, Uncle Tiger.

[announcer] We have a very special guest for you next,

who is here in honor of his best friend, Daryl.

So let's give a warm welcome to Mr. Calvin Cole

and Miss Taylor Sparks.

[cheering and applause]

["Don't Kill The Magic" by MAGIC! playing]

♪ If you want space ♪

♪ You could have it ♪

♪ If you want change ♪

♪ I'll make it drastic ♪

♪ Sleep on your bed ♪

♪ I'll be your mattress ♪

♪ Bullet to my head ♪ ♪ You could blast it ♪

♪ Oh, if you want love ♪ ♪ I'll be tragic ♪

♪ The way that you love ♪ ♪ I can match it ♪

♪ If you want time ♪ ♪ I'll be elastic ♪

♪ I'll tell you no lie ♪ ♪ You could have it ♪

♪ No lie ♪

♪ Just don't kill ♪

♪ Don't kill the magic ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Just don't kill, Don't kill the magic ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪ ♪ I'm not ready To give up just yet ♪

♪ We can stay Until we both forget ♪

♪ So baby, don't kill, Don't kill the magic ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

[music fades]

I was thinking about something Whitney said.

He said sometimes we have to fall apart...

to find ourselves all over again.

What does that mean to you?

Sometimes the only way out is through.

Hmm.

And...

part of the healing is letting go.

But I think mostly...

I just have to be okay not being okay.

Good.

What about now?

[chuckles]

I'm okay.

[chuckles]

I guess I should, uh...

I guess I should give you this.

I'm a free man.

Well, I've been talking to your doctors,

and they attribute your improvement

to your willingness to do the work.

But it's imperative that we continue to study

your brain health when you come back.

All right. [chuckles]

This is goodbye only for now.

For now.

Thanks.

Um, Cal, uh...

I made this for you.

It's your schedule for when you return.

When the real work begins.

I don't know what to say.

Thank you.

I'm so proud of you, Calvin.

You matter.

-[woman] Dr. Knox? -Oh, you must be Jordan.

Come on in. Have a seat.

Well, I guess I didn't screw you up too bad.

You got this.

Okay, Jordan. You like Play-Doh?

I love this stuff. It lets out all the tension.

I know this is going to sound a little heavy...

[indistinct chatter]

[bright music playing]

[♪]

Just remember, I never drove you here.

[door clicking]

Sorry. I knocked, I--

I just-- I was going to...

I was just going to give you these.

[sighs, chuckles]

I won that at a bake sale.

I guess it's a family heirloom now?

[both chuckle]

It looks better on you.

[soft music continues]

[Whitney] Physical pain...

reminds us that we're alive.

But it's the mental pain...

that tests whether or not we're going to stay that way.

Whether it's the warrior's thousand-yard stare on the battlefield

or the cosmonaut who breaches the unknown.

Our pain is relative.

Sometimes we've got to fall apart...

to find ourselves all over again.

[music fades]

[bright music playing]

[♪]

[♪]

["Wait For Me" by Loryn Taggart and Joe Moralez playing]

♪ Hmm ♪

♪ Hmm, hmm ♪

♪ Figuring out how to get out ♪

♪ Of this numb reality ♪

♪ Tearing me down, Dust on the ground ♪

♪ From this innocence in me ♪

Nigel, you've gone to war.

Why did you get involved in this?

My grandfather was a POW of the Second World War.

He was a Polish farmer that was captured

during the Nazi takeover of Poland

and enslaved on his own land.

And Matt?

Originally, when I came onto this project,

Stephen had kind of pitched to me just to--

he wanted to make a film about soldiers

transitioning back into civilian life.

And at the beginning, I thought, "Yeah, that sounds cool,"

but it just took me sitting down in front of our first veteran

for it to become very personal.

No matter your political background, no matter your religion,

we would just sit there and listen.

And I think that that has got us as far

as why we're sitting in front of you today.

According to a RAND study,

20% of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans suffer from PTSD.

Half don't seek treatment. Why?

Essentially, the military is able to strip you down to build you back up.

And that's what keeps you alive, but it also is what allows you to kill.

You come back home, and the biggest challenge

is trying to assimilate back into a civilian populace

that doesn't have the same thoughts and feelings as you do.

But what you went through was abnormal.

But you are normal.

♪ Here comes the day that ♪

♪ [indistinct lyrics] will meet me at the door ♪

♪ I'll be home if I can ♪

♪ Just promise me that We will stay ♪

♪ Then we'll move on, And then we'll move on ♪

♪ Thoughts running, Haunting my head ♪

♪ You'd rather Walk away instead ♪

♪ You just got to wait ♪

♪ You just got to wait ♪

♪ Yes, you can ♪

♪ You just have to wait ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪ ♪ Wait for me there ♪

♪ Wait for me there, Wait for me ♪

♪ Wait for me there, Pray for me there ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪ ♪ Yes, you can ♪

♪ Wait for me there, Wait for me there ♪

♪ Wait for me there, Pray for me there ♪

♪ Just wait for me, Wait for me there ♪

♪ And pray for me ♪ ♪ Yes you can ♪

♪ Wait for me ♪ ♪ Pray for me there ♪

♪ Just wait for me there, Wait for me there, please ♪

♪ Wait for me there ♪

♪ Hmm ♪

[music fades]

[bright music playing]