Original subtitles

C'mon boys we ain't got all day.

Hey baby doll!

Baby doll!

Now what's next?

Sweet Carl's.

Ten dollars.

Ten bucks?

Loan delinquent, two weeks.

Break... fingers.

This has gotta be a mistake!

Maybe a couple of zeros missing or something.

I mean break fingers! For ten bucks?

I don't see what you're so upset about, George

I mean it ain't like we get to keep the money.

So, what's the difference if it's ten dollars or million?

The idea is to work ourselves up into the organization not down.

How we gonna it by collecting milk money?

I guess...

What's next?

Pickup Mr. Aorta's underwear at the cleaner's.

What the fuck!

Just kidding, George.

Hey! George...

What can I do you for?

A manicure... what can you do me for? You know what we want.

No... not really.

Let me refresh your memory.

On October 14th you borrowed money from Mr. Aorta.

I did?

No, he did. Yea, you did!

Mmm, October 14th... October... 14th.

The date rings a bell... Oh yea!

Yea, I, my old ladies birthday.

I borrowed ten bucks to take her out to dinner.

Hold on.

Ok...

Here. Here's four

I'll get you the rest on Friday.

No, you're past overdue.

Break his fingers.

Hey... hey!

You're gonna break my fingers for a ten dollar loan?

You gotta be kidding...

What do I look like a "Borges belle comedian?"

Wait! George! I've... taken you fishing!

I gave you lobsters!

It was a very good lobster, George.

Yea! I can't mend nets with busted fingers.

You bust 'em my family don't eat.

For God sake, it was only ten bucks!

Alright, alright.

Aww, thanks!

You're a true friend.

Ow! God, you broke my fucking nose!

George...

Well now he can fix his nets!

George! Dip!

Hi, Ruffo.

DeMarco, he's dead.

What you talking about?

He died about an hour ago. In some kind of accident.

Poor DeMarco.

Why you smiling?

Why am I smiling?

Because I just got my acceptance letter to medical school.

Dip...

DeMarco's dead.

I know he's dead.

I just don't know why that would make you smile.

First, he was an asshole, so he should rot in hell.

Second, he was conciliary to Aorta for you non Italians.

He's number two on the totem pole.

So...

Don't you get it?

It's my turn at bat!

My turn to move up.

What's so funny?

"Concigliary" Gianfranco...

Yea...

Come on George...

Think of all the guys ahead of you.

Glasso, Madariaga, Revell...

Well those guys are pieces of shit.

And I'd stop laughing if I were you, McKenzie, before I bust your Irish ass!

I'm better than those jerks.

I deserve the job.

I know that George.

No disagreement here.

Well then let's go celebrate.

Beat it beefcake!

Ay, look.

It's my cheapest, rudest, customer.

Ah gee, Carol, why do you always have to be so vague?

Get off it, Jorge.

You're the only jerk I know who tries to pay me in installments.

Like I'm a toaster oven from Hershman's.

You know we love to chat with you but Dip and I...

We don't come here for conversation.

Sorry, Jorge, I don't accept your checks no more.

I got cold cash!

Ok.

But I go with, Dip.

You can have my beautiful new partner, Glorice.

Just arrived on the dock.

C'mon, Dip.

No, no, no.

I ain't getting stuck with your so-called beauties anymore.

What are you talking about?

Does the name Henrietta Harry Hopkins mean anything to you?

Or Teresa Two-Ton Tompkins?

Relax, Jorge.

This Glorice, she's a looker Papi.

No... I ain't buying.

Dip my boy... your turn to fall on the grenade.

Glorice!

We got customers.

I'd like to introduce you to Dip.

Hi.

Dip's with chicka.

My name's George.

George.

What baby?

We can't. We can't.

Well there are certain female functions which occur once a month.

I coulda had Chicka, why didn't you tell me?

I don't believe it.

For one I thought I thought you were cute.

Cute!

A bunny rabbit's cute.

George Giafranco...

Is good looking.

And two, I thought I could please you in other ways.

Like what?

I'm sure you all know why I called this meeting.

Earlier today

an accident down at the docks involving a crate filled with tuna fish

resulted in the death of Richie DeMarco.

Conciliary DeMarco was a brutal man,

who killed without conscience.

A man who never once felt sympathy for those he terrorized.

In fact... he was never happy unless

another human being somewhere in this world

was suffering.

It was because of these endearing qualities

that conciliary DeMarco will be missed by us all.

A moment of silence, please.

Ok, now on to some weekly business matters.

Happy birthday Mr. Aorta!

For he's a jolly good fellow,

for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow

which no body can deny.

Count 'em boys they're all there.

For once I wish you boys would have shortchanged me.

Oh course we've got some presents for ya.

Ah guys, you shouldn't have,

but since you already bought them I might as well open them.

Why didn't you tell me it was his birthday?

I'm sorry George, I completely forgot.

It's a .45 silver plated.

Custom made.

Nice...

Very nice.

You two don't have a present?

Is that something you deduced all by yourself?

Good luck getting the new position.

Personalized brass knuckles, Boss.

I had your name inscribed backwards,

so you could leave your name on your victim's face.

Very thoughtful, Ruffo.

Well Boss since you're a special guy.

Dip and I got you a special gift, very special.

And uh, it's not here now but uh it's a date.

I think you're gonna like it.

Trust me.

What's her name?

It's uh... Glorice.

Good day ladies!

Listen cheapskate, nobody shortchanges my friend after she wets his wick.

What the hell are you talking about? >> It's ok Chicka, let him go.

The money you paid me was counterfeit, George.

It was? Really? Awe, I'm sorry I didn't know.

Here.

Hey, hey, I got it at the bank this morning, it's good.

I sweat to God.

Something gives me the feeling you're not just here to chat.

Glorice... uh...

We was wondering if you could perform your oral specialty.

On which one of you?

No, no, it's not for us. It's for our boss, Mr. Aorta.

It's his birthday.

That's Joey "The Heart" Aorta! The mob boss?

He runs this town... forget it Glorice! The man's a murderer.

Let me get this straight, you want a blowjob certificate?

Yea.

$50 dollars up front and no funny money.

$50 bucks for a lousy hummer?

Too much!

It's high... but if you went to the trouble

of finding me you must really need me.

$30.

Alright, $50,

but you better be sucking harder than Dorothy's tornado.

Where the hell is this broad of yours? >> Oh she'll be here soon.

Boss... you're gonna love her.

Gianfranco, how could I possibly love her

when I've never even seen her?

I just know.

Georgie, things going good?

Things going good?

Glorice ain't here and Aorta's holding me responsible,

things couldn't be worse!

Hey! Hey!

Chow mein!

What are you doing!

Believe it or not wop asshole, it's called cooking.

No, no, no, this is a Sicilian restaurant we don't want fried rat.

Hey let go!

I'm the cook. >> Says who?

Says Mr. Lucizzi.

Mr. Lucizzi hired me because I'm a good cook.

I work hard for the money. Sicilian food...

So you leave me alone. Don't call me names.

I'm gonna make your boss the best Sicilian food he ever had.

Alright, that must be her. I guess we're stuck with you

well make it good. And no sweet and sour spaghetti.

Please!

You real funny man!

Yea... I'm a fucking joke a minute.

Glorice is here.

You're late!

Um... she had a problem with the taxi, Boss.

Gianfranco, let the broad make up her own damn excuses.

First of all I'm a woman not a broad.

And second I would hardly call 45 extra

minutes for a woman to make an arrival, late.

How's things going out there, George?

Terrible, they haven't said a kind word to each other.

Food's ready.

This better be good. Or I'm gonna kill your entire family.

I have feeling you very unhappy child.

The cook...

Yea? >> What part of Sicily is he from?

The East. The far east.

I could tell.

The man has talent.

We'll let him know Mr. Aorta.

Hey you. Give me some of that bread.

The name's Glorice, not "Hey you."

Gianfranco...

The wine, the food, the place, first rate.

But the broad...

You know Mr. Aorta,

I know who you are and what you do but I'm not afraid of you.

Do not call me a broad!

I'm the man here!

I make the rules.

And I'll call you anything I want. Broad!

And I wanna talk to you... and to you!

You're the first woman to stand up to me.

Me... I like that.

Incredible.

I almost couldn't believe it neither, George.

I think he really likes her.

Ben, you mick bastard... two more.

Hey.

Two more it'll be.

Thank you, Ben.

Oh, Georgie...

There a problem?

George Gianfranco with a problem?

You are looking at the man who set up the boss with a number one broad.

Glorice.

Cheers.

Conciliary...

Conciliary.

Conciliary...

The first thing... the first thing I'm gonna do is.

I'm gonna buy some new "minolian."

And then I'm gonna get... George, look who.

It's the bosses girlfriend.

Why don't we invite her to join us for a drink.

Is it really such a big deal?

What are you talking about?

Why don't we just tell Mr. Aorta?

I know he seems tough.

But I think deep down he's an understanding kind of guy.

You're kidding.

Maybe honesty is the best policy here George.

Mr. Aorta...

We cannot tell a lie...

We accidentally set you up with a man dressed in women's clothes.

You know, a he-she.

No problem!

Forget about it...

Yea sure. Why not?

I mean the guy's got a sense of humor.

It'll all end up as a great joke.

Something we can all laugh about.

I can't believe it.

I have found the missing link.

What?

What are you saying?

What am I saying?

You are the missing link.

I mean no primate can talk, no human being can be so naive.

You wanna hear about Mr. Aorta's sense of humor?

He's giving us some shoes two sizes too

big to see which one of us sinks fastest.

That ain't so funny.

Just a second.

George, Dip, come on in.

Um... we wanna talk to you Glorice about Mr. Aorta.

Right, in fact I'd like to thank you boys for

introducing me to your generous friend.

Actually we don't think you should be going out with him again.

I'll uh... just let me put it this way...

We don't think you're uh woman enough for him.

I was woman enough for you wasn't I, George?

You ain't gonna get your $50 bucks.

What $50 bucks?

You know the 50 bucks we was

gonna give you for going out with him again.

What's so funny?

Look Dip, Joey sent it over to me this morning.

Must be worth over 1000 bucks.

I'm gonna milk your mob boss for everything he's worth.

Bye boys.

When Ipsum wrote an "Enemy of the People" he

intended for Doctor Stockman... you

to represent individualism and virility.

Uh excuse me Mr. Kirk but ain't this Doctor Stockman a man?

My dear...

In Shakespearean times the female roles were played by men

eliminating the jobs of thousands of actresses.

Well I'm trying to right a wrong by giving

you actresses the chance to play all the roles!

Understand? >> I guess.

Well now, try it again but with feeling.

The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.

Good enough.

Now give those customers a show!

Well now come on then gentleman, make yourself at home.

Sit down there.

Little nectar...

For the soul.

There we go!

Cheers!

Cheers. >> Cheers.

We got a problem.

Ah, Gregory Kirk, problem solver.

We set our boss up with some broad we don't think she's right.

I take it your boss is a man of some power?

Yea. >> Yea.

You see we don't know so many women but

seeing as how you run this strip joint we thought maybe you could...

My dear boy Theatrum Amitorius is a reperatory theater which

does erotic adaptions of the classics... Not a strip joint!

Yea but that woman was naked.

Dip sees tits and he thinks stripper.

You need to use your reasoning and intellect not your base instincts.

Don't worry there's hope for you yet.

We wanna set up our boss with some actresses.

We have talented thespians from a variety of backgrounds...

You wouldn't imagine the competition necessary to become a classical actress.

Tremendous competition.

Yea it must be rough.

Excuse me Mr. Kirk? Yes, Captain Horster?

What's a fuhjord?

Oh...

That's a fjord my dear.

What ever.

But I like Glorice.

If you like Glorice you're gonna love these women.

And they're beautiful. Right, Dip?

Not interested.

One's got legs... to there.

I don't think so.

Boss, these women are nice, some of them they even tell jokes.

A man and a duck they walk into...

And one's got the perfect shaped jugs...

They defy gravity...

And a rear end like a piece of ripe fruit.

And Dip, Dip! What's the name of the one who

vacuums in the nude?

Then again, Glorice and I ain't exactly married, right?

Well you two just wasted about two hours of my time.

Now if you'll excuse me I've got a date with Glorice.

Boss...

What was wrong with them?

I can't say exactly,

but Glorice has got something these other women don't.

I got it... balls.

Glorice got balls.

Here you go boys, bon apetite.

Thank you, Maria.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to figure out a solution to our problem.

No, no I mean right now.

I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake so fucking what!

Maybe we should say you're trying to drink a chocolate milkshake?

Cause you ain't able to.

Look, George.

I know this may not be the right time to bring this up but I

gotta idea that could make us a million bucks easy.

You know in case this mob thing don't workout.

What is it?

Why couldn't you drink your milkshake just now?

It's too thick, I don't know.

Or the straw is too thin, yea?

What are you saying?

Your standard straw is only one eighth of an inch in diameter.

So.

So. It is designed for a milk or a lemonade or a soda not a milkshake.

Are you gonna give me this million dollar idea before I die of old age?

Wide straws.

Designed especially for thick milkshakes.

And get this, the best part... guess what I call it?

I give up.

The "shrtaw."

The "shtraw?"

Yea, yea you know, like a shake and a straw.

Together.

So what do you think?

Dip...

There's one thing you didn't think of. And it's called...

The spoon.

When it's too hard to suck people use a spoon.

Oh yea?

So how come you didn't use a spoon just now?

Maybe it's because he enjoys sucking.

Hey you better back off before I crown you.

What is it they say? We often hurt those who we love the most.

No actually what they say is we often kill those we hate the most.

Oh I love it when you get mad. Kinda gets me hot.

Boy you're really disgusting.

I don't think my little Joey would appreciate you talking to

his girlfriend in that demeaning tone.

Girlfriend?

Since when are you his girlfriend?

Since he told me last night.

Bye boys.

Why didn't you tell me!

But it ain't true!

I tell you the short position got no room for fruits like you.

This here's Brooklyn. Listen to me, it ain't true!

Now get out of here before I kill you. Don't even think on coming back.

Boss, please, no! Son of a bitch.

Are you ok, Ruffo?

Yea.

Gianfranco, Dip, get in here!

With Ruffo it was obvious things weren't exactly kosher.

If you get my drift.

He lacks the kind of desire for women's flesh that most of

us would consider to be natural.

Boss. How'd you know that things were un-kosher with Ruffo?

We went out to get some drinks at Alfie's...

Ruffo ordered something called the Pink Panties.

And when the waitress brings it, it's got this little umbrella sticking out of it.

An umbrella?

Yea... one of those little paper ones.

But what's worse is, Ruffo doesn't even take it out of his drink.

That's all he did? That's all he had to do!

Cause if anyone could tell you who's a softy,

if you get my drift, it's Joe Aorta.

So...

You boys got this week's protection money?

Thanks.

Hey!

And I wanna talk to you about introducing me to Glorice.

I saw her last night...

And she's quite a woman.

And notice please how I do not refer to someone as

special as Glorice as a broad.

I've dated quite a few broads in my time. But now

I've finally met a woman.

And I owe it all to you Gianfranco.

No, no, no you don't owe me anything Boss.

You would have met her in Brooklyn bowling or something.

Bullshit. If it wasn't for you.

I would have never met her. George, stand up.

I said stand up! >> Right.

Gianfranco, this is for setting me up with such an incredible woman.

Now be in my office tomorrow at noon. For a special surprise.

You wanna bite?

Hey George. Something wrong?

My life is gonna end tomorrow at noon.

I think that qualifies as something wrong.

What are you talking about?

Aorta gave me the kiss of death.

That wasn't the kiss of death. That was the kiss of thanks.

That's the way you Italians are you're always kissing each other.

I've been around long enough to know the kiss of death.

It all adds up, Aorta goes out with her...

Tries to go to third base reaches down, comes up with a frankfurter.

I think you're getting little paranoid here Georgie.

Easy for you to be casual...

You weren't asked to go to Aorta's office tomorrow at noon.

Remember when the boss kissed you last Easter?

Yea.

So how come you didn't cry out then about the kiss of death?

Last Easter he didn't have a reason to have me iced.

Now he does.

Gianfranco, glad you made it.

I want you to meet Micky.

Hey George, nice to meet you.

Micky's here as a sort of a temporary helper.

Oh yea?

How you gonna be with us?

I should be done in 15 minutes of so.

Micky!

As long as it takes for you to finish the job.

I don't like to brag but I can work pretty fast.

Enough girl talk... Micky...

Surprise!

Congratulations to my conciliary.

You bought it hook line and sinker.

And to think Micky's only a baker.

Hey George I'm sorry if I scared you.

You got me.

I think the desk is better over by the door.

Why?

Well you'll get more fresh air coming in through the hallway,

it's something to think about in case of a heat wave.

Yea but if I'm by the door people might think I'm Mr. Aorta's secretary.

But you are... >> Conciliary!

Which means?

Which means I'm Mr. Aorta's personal advisor.

His confidante, his problem solver.

I make sure everything goes smoothly.

Sounds like a secretary to me.

Only broads are secretaries! I'm a conciliary! There's a difference!

I see.

Now if you don't mind, I got work to do.

Nice tush.

Hey, get the fuck out of here!

George, I don't know what you're so angry about.

I mean you get the job of your dreams plus you have a

fabulous time with me which must be like icing on the cake.

I did not, I repeat.

I did not have a good time.

So you were faking it, but you seemed so convincing.

Especially the end.

Coffee? >> Please.

I need a shrink.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Hey Doc... if it ain't beating don't let me know.

I don't like bad news.

Breath. Again.

Have you been smart lately?

My friend here just set me up with a sweet little dame.

I got a reason to live now.

I ain't lit up for four weeks.

Mr. Aorta, your heart is better, slightly better.

Keep taking the medication, stay off those

stogies and avoid too much excitement.

Hey Doc. Maybe I should take up knitting.

Fine, Mr. Aorta.

George, I was serious what I said to him about Glorice.

I really like her.

No she's a beautiful woman.

Tonight...

Tonight?

Tonight...

What do you mean Boss?

You know, the birds and the bees.

Are you sure about that?

Yea. I mean I love her.

That's for sure.

Well then maybe you should wait, you know, not for nothing.

Women you like you sleep with, a woman you love, waiting it better.

I know... but I can't help it!

I'm impatient.

What about what the church says?

The church?

Gianfranco, you think it makes a difference to the guy upstairs?

I've already broken every commandment there is.

I don't think one small indiscretion is gonna make one whole hell of a difference.

Do you?

Well what about what the Doc says? You know not too much excitement...

Gianfranco, is there something wrong with her?

No... I just want this to work out for you two.

Oh ok.

You know my father Joe "The Boss" used to say...

There's only two things you say to a woman, get over here, and get out of here.

Well, get over here.

Oh Joe you're such an animal.

Oops.

Hey Boss, Marciano's fighting at The Garden

you wanna take Glorice to see the fight?

Gianfranco, can't you see we're busy?

If I want the sports calendar I'll read the paper.

Just checking.

Hey Boss. >> Now what is it?

You want me to drive so you can take Glorice to dinner?

That's it, Gianfranco, out of the car! I wanna talk to you.

Gianfranco, what is it with you?

What do you mean? What do I mean?

You keep interrupting us every 10 seconds. I thought you were a friend here.

I am but I've never been conciliary, I wanna make sure things go right.

You ever consider that shutting up might be what I need from a conciliary!

Hey look, I'm sorry, don't worry about it, I know you're

trying you're best, maybe you should just wait out here

and things will work out better.

Besides...

It's a little tough getting it up with another guy around.

You know?

Where were we?

What's wrong!

Well Joey, it's a female thing.

Oh... I get it.

I'm sorry, it's not your fault.

I guess.

Just bad timing.

But maybe there is something I can do.

Gianfranco, guess what?

I don't know.

Glorice and I we're getting married!

You sure about this?

After Rita, God rest her soul I didn't think I could do it again,

but Glorice...

She makes me feel like a kid. I see things in color now.

The green trees, the smell of the air, can you smell it?

Yea.

C'mon, really smell it with me! Breath in, breath out.

Breath in, breath out.

I think I'm ready for more.

Where were we?

I'm gonna miss you.

Oh Joey, you're only gonna be gone an hour.

45 minutes. But it's still too long.

My sweet little cannoli.

Gianfranco, I'll be back soon.

Boss.

I was talking to Glorice.

Why do I get the feeling... you're gonna tell me you're in love now?

I can't believe it, you still haven't figured it out?

I think I overestimated you George.

As soon as I become Mrs. Joey "The Heart" Aorta I'm going to blackmail your boss.

And what do you think Mr. Aorta is gonna do when he

finds out you're blackmailing him?

He's going to p. A. y.

Babycakes, no he's not. He's going to k. I. L. l.

No... because if he tries any funny stuff everything will

go straight to the Brooklyn newspapers.

You see I've worked out this little system with safety

deposit boxes and friendly reporters, smart huh?

And what about me?

I mean what happens to me after the wedding?

After you so cleverly blackmail Mr. Aorta.

Well George, to be quite honest I haven't really thought about that one.

Attractive lady.

It's gotta get done in 48 hours. >> Yea, Mr. Briles by Friday.

It ain't hard, you just line her up and kill her.

It ain't what?

It ain't hard, it ain't not too hard. Yea.

What I do ain't easy.

It's an art.

And it can't be rushed.

Think Michelangelo had to punch a clock when he painted the Sistine Chapel?

Just make sure she ain't breathing when it's done.

There's more to it than that.

What happens if a witness recognizes me?

And alibi's, I provide an alibi for each one of

my customers in case something goes down.

I never thought of that stuff before Georgie.

And it's always something different, another challenge.

You heard of Chaulky Brigamo?

You whacked Chaulky Brigamo?

The guy was guarded around the clock, never alone.

Except for every day at noon when he used the time to

catch up on the sports page in piece and quiet.

While sitting on his throne.

Cause he thought it was safe there.

After two weeks of research I designed a bullet that

bounces off lead pipes but penetrates human flesh.

And that was the end of Chaulky Brigamo.

Incredible.

Really incredible.

His wife and kids didn't think so.

But hey... that's his problem.

Get that fucking thing outta here.

But George... give it a try.

It works. >> Now!

Are you sure that... a hitman is really necessary?

Dip, we went over this. Now I don't like killing neither.

It's Glorice's fault, I mean she's making it necessary.

That's not what I meant.

I've been thinking about our problem here.

And it's based on the theory that Aorta would flip out if he

found out that Glorice was a man... but consider this

maybe Aorta knows.

Are you implying that Joey "The Heart" Aorta prefers men over broads?

Something to think about. You're gone!

He's the straightest man I know.

Well show me proof. He was married!

Yea, yea for like a year or something, big deal.

The man's a complete womanizer! >> Yea so we heard.

But have you ever seen him with a woman?

A million times!

Um, two months ago when uh... that Las Vegas show girl was visiting Brooklyn.

Ah man that Vegas show girl she was a gift from Stumpy La Tierra.

And the boss gave her to Revella who did her himself.

A broad can get laid by more than one guy.

Yea well how about Annie LeDoux? You remember her?

Annie LeDoux... had a serious case of The Clap, you

know a smart man Confucius say, 'Don't put nose where it don't belong.'

George, will you listen to yourself.

You're using a fortune cookie to defend the boss's manliness.

Look, I know what I know. And The Boss is a straight shooter.

Yea but maybe there's something there.

Deep down, you know something waiting to surface.

And one day, he changes.

He ain't gonna change...

And that's the way it is, no more to say!

You worry too much.

Well I wouldn't worry if the wedding

was next month or next week but it's tomorrow.

There's still time. Frank Briles always completes the job.

Understand? >> Oh... oh, oh...

Mr... Mr. Misunderstood, Mr. Artiste, Mr. Pablo Picasso with a hitman.

I should have known. >> Hey.

Do you know what my kill percentage is?

What do I look like? A statistician?

100% 47 contracts, 47 kills.

It don't get any better than that. >> It couldn't.

I don't think...

Right, Dip.

I have a perfect record.

No arithmetic here, that shit's in the past.

In every case I've ever taken there always comes a break.

Take the example of Robby Castellano the most paranoid gangster of all times.

I mean this guy was just waiting to get whacked.

Kept a piece under his pillow... that was the opening I needed.

I snuck into his house stole the gun, made a small adjustment...

That night I just tapped on the window

and let that fat fuck's paranoia take over.

Don't worry George, I guarantee you the job will be done.

We've got pastrami, salami, turkey, beef tongue,

chicken salad, chicken liver, chopped chicken

Sam, just give us the best.

And make sure there's enough for everybody.

Oh I can do something spectacular but it may cost you a pretty penny.

Ain't nothing too expensive for Glorice's wedding honey.

She's going to be the most beautiful bride in the whole world.

Like a modern day Helen of Troy.

Hey, I got your information right here, how about I have

one of my workers deliver a complete meal over to your

place... salad, main course, the whole works, tonight?

About six

I'll be looking forward to it.

How you doing this wonderful day!

Roast beef on rye.

Make it bloody.

George... I caught a break.

And?

Six o'clock tonight your problem will be solved.

I hope so. I'm getting tired of this fucking sauna.

Let me get that for you.

Thank you.

I wanna congratulate you on your win tomorrow.

You are coming aren't you?

Oh I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm the best man.

Is something wrong? Why you asking?

Well you're smiling.

George is so bad he smiles when there's something wrong?

I have an idea.

The good stuff.

A toast.

To what?

To uh... your wedding

to my promotion...

To us.

George, why aren't you being a jerk?

That was the old negative George,

now I know everything works out in the end.

What's meant to be is meant to be.

That's beautiful.

Salud.

Who is it? Delivery from Friendly Sam's.

Oh just a second.

Thank you for coming. Yes, mam.

There you go. >> Thank you, would you sign here please?

Do I know you from somewhere? Uh, I don't think so.

Uh, put the date in there please.

I know, I know you. Maybe from the deli.

No not that. You seem so familiar.

I got it!

Frank's the name, but I don't have any nieces.

Oh well I used to be one of your nephews.

It's me Gary, Gary Calshime.

I don't buy it lady. Googoo.

Excuse me? You used to call me Googoo.

You took me to the Dodger games, you taught me.

"Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the park."

Googoo!

It is you!

Oh! Oh! Here he is!

The hired help. The contract killer.

Grim Reaper. >> Michelangelo of the murderers.

George, I gotta talk to you.

Have some bubbly. George, listen to me.

You're going to relax! George, there was a problem!

Who is painful?

Let's say I'm only 98% effective now but there's a good side to this.

I got what you call... a money back guarantee.

George, take it easy.

George, somebody could get hurt. >> I'll kill you!

But I don't fuck up!

Fucker.

Mr. George Gianfranco, put your hands in the air!

Now take a step forward, slowly!

Now tough guy!

Ooh, my balls!

My balls!

You should have thought of your fucking balls

before you put your piece in the back of my head.

Don't shoot, don't shoot!

Don't shoot, don't shoot? Why? You gonna take my birthday away?

You'll go straight to the chair in Sing Sing.

For what?

Hey, hey I don't mean to hurry you but I got a wedding to go to.

Sgt. Mark Ellesberry, draft detective.

United States Navy. You shoot a federal agent and you'll get the chair for sure.

What do you want from me?

George Gianfranco, Brooklyn,

wanted for evading service with the United States Navy.

Hey I went for my physical two years ago and I was classified 4F.

For what!

Flat feet.

What?

Flat feet!

Well!

I don't believe it, you wanna see 'em? >> Draft dodging is a serious crime!

Alright already.

Oh... oh, ok.

Well it ain't a flower it's a flat foot!

Alright, put 'em away!

Ok. Ok.

Right, sir. Well I think we can straighten this whole thing out.

You better.

Gun, please.

Oh, uh, one more thing. I need to know if you recognize

any more of the suspects in my book.

Hey, do I look like a rat to you?

You know we might have to go before

the judge to straighten this whole thing out.

Alright, I got you. Alright.

No.

No.

No.

No.

N...

What's the rap?

Good luck Mr. Aorta!

The recipe... for all great marriages is the same.

It contains two very special ingredients.

A man and a woman.

Those two ingredients are necessary for the recipe to work!

Without them you don't have anything at all!

Now.. Today.

I will be the cook for the recipe of Aorta pie.

I offer those those uh... of you who don't understand my metaphor.

I will officiate the marriage of Joseph Carlo Aorta,

and Glorice Pearl... uh... Coushime.

Now, let's all rise... and welcome the beautiful bride.

Mr. Joseph Aorta?

Ladies and gentleman, Glorice and I would

like to thank everybody for coming today...

Glorice had a family emergency so the

marriage will not be performed at this time.

We will however be rescheduling the wedding in the near future.

Sorry.

Thanks for coming.

I don't know... maybe her mother passed away or something.

Things happen.

Yea, what's the point?

You might as well know the truth.

Boss?

Dear Joey, I'm afraid I cannot marry you because I have found another man.

I'm leaving Brooklyn forever, Glorice.

G... B... A... G... L...

Wait, what's GBAGL?

It's goodbye and good luck.

You know she probably didn't have enough money for the

telegram so she shortened the ending. You know?

Who do you think the guy is?

It's not important.

What's important is... is you go on, you find another woman.

Hey... you deserve better.

C'mere.

You're a true friend Gianfranco.

I gotta tell you Dip, I used to think happy endings was

just for the pictures not for real life.

I guess things worked out ok, huh Georgie boy?

Ok? Try fantastic.

I'm gonna be conciliary of Brooklyn, you'll be my assistant

by next week and due to my handiwork with that fucking

draft detective, Glorice is gonna be spending a stint in the

US Navy... maybe it will make a man out of her.

Cheers.

Cheers.

To Glorice.

Wherever he or she may be.

Oh woops... nature calls.

Taking wee willy winky for a walk?

I'll be back in a Flash... Gordon.

Hey cream puff what the fuck are you looking at?

Since when did pissing become a... spectator sport?

You know I... I'd like to join uh... whatever club you're in but uh.

I gotta run.

Oh that didn't hurt.

That hurt.

That's enough boys.

You're back.

George?

George!

George...

Are you ok?

Get your big fat ugly mug outta my face.

George...

What happened!

Where's Glorice?

I don't know... I thought she was in the Navy.

George?

Nice toss, Boss!

Who was it?

It was nobody, Joey I just got nervous. That's all.

I was nervous too! But I didn't leave you at the alter.

I don't know how I can ever make it up to you.

I could think of a thing or two actually. >> Stop it!

How do I know you won't do it again?

Leave me up there facing everybody I know.

I won't I promise. But how can I know?

We get married now.

You mean today? I mean right now.

We go straight to the church and Father Doyle.

I don't think so.

Then we go on our honeymoon.

And you know what we can do then...

Gianfranco, glad you made it.

I wouldn't miss it for the world. What happened to your face?

What?

Your face!

Oh this? >> Yea that.

Oh I uh... I uh... I went to the racetrack, I saw this great

horse, 3:1 shot, I stood behind it... it reared up, kicked me in the face.

Boss...

Where's the beautiful bride to be?

Good day Sister.

Nice outfit, George. A little conservative but it looks good on you.

This is the end, Glorice, I don't wanna do it but you made me.

I'm making you kill me?

Please, at least be honest about what you're gonna do.

You're telling me about honesty. Your whole life is a lie!

Why?

Why!

Because... you got, you know... and you dress like a woman.

Well so are you. >> Well I had to to get past your goons!

The only reason for my body guards is

because you turned me into the draft police!

I turned you in because you wanna marry my boss.

Why can't I marry who I want?

Because.

Why? >> Because!

Why? >> Because!

He's not right for you.

Well who is, George?

Glorice in there? Yea, with some nun.

A nun?

What the fuck! Oh boss, no I can explain.

I can't believe it! Joey, please.

My best friend and my fiance?

You must be the other man from the telegram.

No! No! I'm not! I trusted you!

Nobody does this to Joe Aorta.

Give me your piece.

Now what do you gotta say for yourself you miserable ungrateful little prick?

It's true Mr. Aorta, I stole your woman.

So shoot me.

But don't hurt Glorice, it was my idea. She did nothing wrong.

Joey, wait. Glorice, please.

This is between George and me.

I think there's something you should know.

What the...

You set me... but you!

But you!

And then you!

In the car!

E nomini patri... e fili... espiritu santi.

It's uh... rather unfortunate we are gathered here today

to bury our friend Mr. Joseph Carlo Aorta.

I was there when our boss breathed his last breath.

There was nothing I could do to save him.

All I could do was hold him in my arms,

and listen to his final words.

And he said to me, George

it's your turn.

Take care of the men

take care of yourself,

but most of all

take care of this beautiful woman.

I know... nobody

could fill the shoes of this wonderful man,

but I'm gonna do my best.

Goodbye Mr. Aorta.