Original subtitles

Hey, what is happening here?

Your mother just stopped by for a chat.

No one's yelling.

We are both adults. We can have a civilized conversation.

Is that booze in them cups?

Have a seat.

Actually, I should go say hi. She's a pet.

Yes, ma 'am.

That was good. Thank you. May I? Please. You cannot go pitting us against each

other to get what you want. We are... I would never. Don't you interrupt her.

Yes, ma 'am.

I will no longer be the good cop to her bad cop.

I wouldn't say bad cop. I would say responsible cop.

Don't be so sensitive.

So now I'm a sensitive cop.

I'm on your side.

Are you? Because it seems like you're trying to make me the bad guy.

You don't need my help for that.

I'm confused. Are y 'all still mad at me? Yes.

How am I the bad guy when you keep trying to take Cece's pacifier away?

Fine, then you can pay for her braces.

Well, then you can pay for her therapy.

Therapy? Are you even Texan?

How dare you?

CBS Next Thursday and streaming on Paramount+. Oh joy, a new episode of

is here. CBS Next and streaming on Paramount+.

Is

that a fag?

What's going on?

The sass has been posting up on that bench for three days, pathetically

for Joan. She said she'd be back November 28th. That's the day the lovers

steamboat rom -com finally kissed.

But unlike the plucky heroine and choppy waters, this woman clearly has no

intention of returning.

Someone needs to just set him straight. We can't have him sitting out on that

bench all day.

I know. Poor guy.

No, I mean, he's in direct view of my pondering window. I don't want to be

looking at that sad sack while I ponder.

Agreed. We should say something.

Um, hey, guys. Hey, Seth. There's our slugger. I'm starting to worry that

not coming back, that maybe she doesn't like me anymore.

Uh, is that crazy?

No. He's obsessed with you.

Great. So should I go back out there and wait, or...? Absolutely.

Okay.

You should try waiting at the bench at the back of the house. If memory serves,

I believe last time she arrived from the south.

Yeah, good call. Okay.

Thanks, guys.

Poor Schmuck. Somebody should really say something.

Oh, man, last night was rough.

Well, the dishwasher broke at Mahesh, and then Sass came into my dreams to

about Joan again.

Sass is in here.

Oh, boy. Ah, sorry for bending your ear, Jay.

Oh, also, Natalie Portman was in his dream last night. Again?

You know, Seth, now that Jay has so callously brought it up, it does seem

Joan might not be coming back.

Yes, it's obvious. I'm sorry.

I know that's difficult to hear.

Oh, you guys are right. I'm such an idiot, and why is love so hard?

Guess who's getting married?

Oh, my God. Eric proposed?

No, but he's going to imminently get this. He called me, asked me if my nails

were done, and said he's coming to visit tomorrow. And last week, he asked me

for my ring size.

I'm so happy for you. Oh, let me also note that there are no employee or

discounts for weddings at the mansion.

Jay, Kayla, I'm so excited for you.

It is kind of a bummer I know what's coming, though.

I guess I just always imagined that my proposal would be a surprise.

Your proposals don't always go the way you expect them to go. When I proposed

Sam, it was a bit of a mess, but ultimately it didn't matter because it's

about the proposal.

Uh -huh.

That tells us that, too.

So, have you given any thought to a maid of honor?

You know what's crazy?

I've never even been one.

Seriously, Sam.

So thirsty.

Yeah, I don't actually know if we're going to do wedding parties. Incredible.

That question was so uncomfortable, it caused Bailey to abandon wedding parties

completely. Oh, I would be so born to be a ghost in the house of a socially

adept living.

We are lucky.

Life's hard in the basement, Peter.

Those freaks sleep standing up. Well, no one's forcing you to live down there.

I have to establish residency.

I lost the upstairs primary.

Now my only chance at winning the ghost representative election lies in my

securing the nomination of the Bateman Cards.

How do you sleep standing up? I don't.

I haven't. And the only thing worse than the nights are the days with the wall

-to -wall water heater talk.

You heard that gurgle? Ooh, that's a pretty good gurgle.

Isaac, why are you doing this to yourself?

Even if you win, the position doesn't even mean that much. It means

Peter. I'm an elected official who's never won an election.

Maybe you can get Sam to move a cot down there for you.

No, no, no, no, no. If I am to win their vote, I need to show that I am one of

them. A man of the people. You see, Peter...

Isaac.

Isaac. Yeah, gurgle.

Heard the gurgle.

And the order for the new dishwasher has been placed, which is the least

exciting thing I've ever spent money on. My dishwasher slept with my husband.

Quit your complaining.

I'm such an idiot.

What happened?

Eric's not coming. There's no engagement.

I got completely sasapeased.

What was that?

Sasapeased? Some people are using it as a sort of catch -all for experiencing

profound romantic disappointment.

What's going on? Eric just called and said he's canceling his trip.

He said he had an architecture emergency.

This term made the leap to the living?

When something's catchy, bro, you should be flattered.

And get this. The reason he asked my ring size is because he's getting us his

and hers bowling balls.

Well, you know... Oh, no, Jay's terrible at silver lining. It's almost the

weekend. That ain't even connected.

What is wrong with him? I can't believe I thought he was gonna propose.

I just paid a woman $100 to put snail mucus all over my face.

snail mucus jay in my day we powdered our faces with lead and arsenic we

know we didn't care we looked incredible i'm gonna go watch some bowling

tutorials because that's my life now just a sad bowling lady with great skin

a well -fit ball tgif just stop She's going to be so surprised.

Wait, what are you talking about? Eric didn't cancel. He just pretended to

cancel so he could surprise her. I called him and gave him the idea.

Babe, I don't think this is something you should be getting involved in. Oh,

come on. I just want Bella to love her proposal. It's something that only

happens once. It's a big deal.

Does this have something to do with our proposal?

No. That's a yes. Okay, first of all, obviously I wasn't planning on doing it

the tarmac at JFK after a baby puked in your lap. What the hell? I was gonna do

it in the Bahamas, but then I pulled out a napkin from my pocket and also

accidentally the ring, and then you saw the ring. And then you said a bunch of

swear words, and you said, I guess you know I want to marry you. And I love

that's our story, Jay. I really do.

But we have the chance to give Bela one that makes her really happy.

So why not try?

Okay.

You know, what I had planned was pretty cool, by the way. Mark, the contractor,

he proposed in a right eight, so... Now he's just listing worse proposals? This

is not where you want to be, bro.

A gal goes out for an evening cheese sniff, and what does she find?

A stinker. I can explain.

Oh, you're not one of us. You're a lay -down cushion boy, and you're never

to be our ghost representative.

No. I'm a man of the people.

Oh, you're a man of the couch.

Oh, Nancy, wait.

I was just resting my eyes. I loathe being prone.

I'm Seth.

Seth? What are you doing here?

I can go into people's dreams. Not a big deal. But it is a tier one power.

Anyway, I just came to check on you. I heard about the whole engagement

disappointment. That's really nice of you.

Look, I get it. I've been going through kind of a tough time myself.

Thanks.

Tomorrow is going to be so fun. I can't wait to see the look on Bela's face.

Yeah, I just...

I hated seeing her so upset.

Jay, it's one night. Then she'll have the rest of her life to be happy.

Nothing bad is going to happen because of one night of disappointment.

I mean, maybe he'll never propose.

Well, he'd be an idiot.

Because you're awesome.

Oh, you're awesome.

I'm so lonely. Me too.

Ghosts. But what really matters is I get to spend my life with the most

wonderful man in the world.

Good morning, babe.

Anybody get engaged yet? All Eric would say on the phone is that it's definitely

happening today and it's going to be incredible.

Hey, uh, Sam, can I talk to you? Absolutely.

Seth isn't here.

Um, okay. Don't really know how to say it, so I'm just going to come out with

it. I hooked up with Jay's sister.

What?

How?

What's happening? In her dream, I went in there to commiserate and, you know,

one thing led to another.

Sass and Bela hooked up in her dream. Oh, God.

That crazy bitch did it. She finally hooked up with a ghost.

This is bad.

This is very bad.

Well, hold on.

Nothing really happened. It was just a dream.

Interesting.

Okay, I want to go on this journey with you because it makes my sister less

crazy. And mitigates his Natalie Portman problem. But I also have to point out

that none of this would have happened if you hadn't meddled in her engagement.

What is he talking about? What engagement?

Bela said that Eric's not proposing.

Bela was mistaken because our friend Sam engineered a delay in the proposal for

the purpose of setting up a surprise.

Oh, my God. I'm a homewrecker. From virgin to homewrecker in a matter of

What a journey.

I'm sorry, Jay and Sass, but...

I do believe we have a bit of a loophole, some moral wiggle room, if you

with the whole hooking up with a ghost in a dream thing.

Okay. I can't believe I wasn't the first ghost to hook up with a living. It was

my destiny.

But what if Baylor feels guilty and tells Eric? That'll blow up the whole

proposal. So let's get ahead of it.

We'll talk with Bela and reassure her that she's done nothing wrong.

Wrong? No. Weird. Yes.

And then everything will be back on track, and Bela and Eric will be

and I'll be the maid of honor, and I'll push for a fall wedding because I'm an

autumn.

Her eyes went black when she said that. It was terrifying.

All right, Isaac.

We discussed your situation and came to a decision.

There was a large contingent that wanted to kick you out of the basement.

But we think you deserve a chance to prove yourself.

Of course. Anything.

Name it. Okay.

If you want to stay in the basement, then you've got to participate in one of

our most cherished rituals.

Fight Club.

Fight Club? You don't know about Fight Club?

It's the best.

I'm sorry you've been, Peter. Yeah.

I never miss it.

Finish him!

God, I love Bloodsport.

So, are you in?

I... Yeah, sure.

I am in. I will watch Fight Club and cheer with Grape Herbert. Oh, you're not

watching, buddy. You're fighting.

What?

Hmm, so this is a new dishwasher.

Yeah, apparently it has Wi -Fi.

Why?

I don't know.

Uh, Bela, we wanted to talk with you about something.

We know about what happened with you and Sass.

And we don't think you should feel bad about it. Though it's fine to feel bad

that the hookup was with your backup ghost.

I actually don't feel that bad.

I mean, the way Eric canceled on me yesterday, he clearly doesn't care.

Yeah, about that. Eric didn't actually cancel on you. He just pretended to

cancel. Why would he do that? Because Sam is a psychopath.

Because he wanted to surprise you.

I can't believe this.

So I cheated on Eric?

With my backup ghost?

Oh, yeah. Suck it, Sass. Here's the thing. We think what happened between

and Sass falls in this dreamy, ghosty, gray area.

So wait, Eric's still coming to propose?

Yeah. And you don't think I need to tell Eric about this whole hooking up with

Sass thing? We just feel like it's going to hurt him. It does. It hurt.

Eric? I'm in the box.

Surprise. Wait, where's the dishwasher?

Oh, I installed it for you. Oh, damn it. He's a good guy.

I just got an email from the dishwasher.

Said it's starting the rinse cycle.

Yeah.

Programmed it.

I can't believe you hooked up with a ghost the night before I was going to

you to marry me.

Past tense. Not looking good, Samantha.

I was upset.

I was expecting a proposal, and then it seemed like you weren't coming.

Eric, please. I don't even care about sass.

I felt like we shared something, but I understand you're making a point.

Babe, the dishwasher's asking if we have any rinse aid.

I'm sorry, Bella, but your attraction to ghosts is really triggering for me.

I need some space to think.

Hmm. So what am I telling the dishwasher?

Rage demon.

Yeah, well, what if you don't have one of those?

And in this corner, it is a drone!

I thought he was a support column.

Now fight!

Yeah, I can't do this. I can't do it. What? I can't do it. I just, I just,

I just, what? You don't have to worry about how you surrendered in this battle

with that battle. Huh? But if these people are going to fall...

And you need to be a leader. And I know there's a leader in you.

You got this.

Thank you, Peter.

I guess it's true what they say, huh? The bigger they are.

Mr. Tree.

And we'll give you a happy little friend there.

That's nice. That's very nice.

Wow, I love what you're doing there.

Oh, great.

It's Seth.

But you know what?

Now these are all sad little trees.

I don't know what that means.

But what do you want, Seth? You're interrupting my Bob Ross dream. I want

forgive Bela.

Okay, so she had a meaningless hookup in a dream.

Is that really so threatening? Very much so.

Some women are into pool boys and personal trainers.

Well, mine's got it bad for ghosts.

Eric, don't throw away something just because of a misunderstanding.

Okay? You can still save this.

Well, why do you care so much?

Because I'm in love with this roamer ghost named Joan, and all I want to do

tell her how I feel, but I can't because I'm stuck here.

I'm sorry, man. That's tough.

It is.

But you can go for what you want, and that is such a gift.

So if you want to marry Bayla, go for it.

Oh, honey.

It's beautiful.

You show real promise.

Oh, this is my mom. Mom, this is a ghost who hooked up with my girlfriend.

Nice to meet you.

Pleasure.

How you feeling?

Humiliated. Defeated.

Embarrassed. A failed politician.

The reject of a group so reviled. They were locked away and left to die.

That's us.

Little tip.

If a man's opening a door for you, but holding a hammer and shouting, get in

pest house, that is not chivalry.

What are you doing here, Nancy?

Look, Isaac, obviously you didn't win, but you showed guts.

Literally. At one point, you ripped out your spleen and held it up like a

trophy. That was so cool.

The drunk's a showman, you know?

Did you just come here to glory in my defeat?

I came up here to tell you, you earned my respect. You earned everyone's

in the basement.

I did? Sure, the trunk wiped the floor with you, but you took them on.

And you never gave up, which is what being a basement ghost is all about.

How so?

I don't know, man.

Do you want to keep living down there or not?

I do. Well, then, enough laying around on this poofy princess pad. Let's get

down to the basement. Your public awaits.

Did you hear that, Peter?

I have a public.

I'm happy for you.

So, what did I miss today?

Ooh, there was a big gurgle earlier.

We think it may have been Sam shaving her legs in the shower.

Out time, right?

Yeah, winter months are lean, gurgle -wise.

Bela?

What are you doing here so early?

I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd just start work.

Diving into labor to avoid emotional pain. This is why our best workers were

orphans. I'm so sorry, Bela.

I just can't believe I have to start all over again.

Even if I met someone tomorrow, then what? The year before we move in

and then another year before we get engaged, then we have to plan the

and then it's like three more years before we have kids.

I just don't want to be back at the starting line.

I hear you.

But in all that, I didn't hear you mention Eric's name once.

What do you mean?

I get that it's scary to start over, but if avoiding that is the reason you want

to marry Eric, maybe...

You're settling, maybe, with an interview.

What if I was settling?

Is that so bad?

Yes, it is, Bela, because you're the best, and you deserve the best.

Oh, Jay.

Oh, it's too bad these two are siblings.

If they were cousins, I'd really be rooting for them.

I guess I have to officially break up with Eric.

Oh, that's not going to be a fun conversation.

I'm here again. Oh, hell no!

Oh, I'm not produce.

I'm so sorry, Eric.

Eric, what do we do?

Do we just stay in here?

Are your parents here?

Yeah, I flew them out for the proposal.

Surprise. Hey, guys.

Good to see you out and about, Steve.

So, sweetie, what do you want me to do about the hot air balloon?

We should probably let the company know.

I've seen bodies get cut to tiny pieces and dumped in the East River.

This is more painful to watch.

Jay, what is all this?

It's a do -over.

We're in the Bahamas, and we're drinking this.

Okay.

I miss drinking.

Right? A cocktail and some of my roommate's ADHD pills.

Pretty nice little Tuesday.

Okay, I think this is going to take too long.

Um, we finish it, and there's a ring at the bottom.

And you're like, oh, my God.

Would she be like that, or would she be passed out on the floor?

Okay, so I had to dig deep into my old Yahoo account to find my original

proposal. Come on, buddy, we're rooting for you. We may not have found a

Charmander in Pokemon Go, but I found something even better in real life.

A Samander.

And unlike Tom Brady's football in the AFC Championship game,

My love for you will never deflate.

I forgot how reference -y this was. Let me just skip to the end.

I love you, Sam.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

And this is the proposal that I had always dreamed of.

What really matters is I get to spend my life with the most wonderful man in the

world.

Jay, you got fireworks?

Yep. They were Eric's, but he forgot to cancel them.

Anything for you, babe.