Original subtitles

Hey, Seth.

We wanted to talk to you about Thanksgiving.

Obviously, we normally go to Jay's parents.

Yeah, but this year they're going on a cruise. Apparently, my mom wants to see

Alaska more than her baby boy.

He is a 40 -year -old man.

Anyway, we just wondered how you might feel about us doing a small Thanksgiving

here. And why are you asking me specifically?

Um, Jay?

I don't know what's being said.

Relax, I'm just messing with you.

Well, first off, I appreciate that you guys even thought to ask.

And yeah, if you want to have a dinner to express gratitude with friends and

family, like, I'm all for it. He says it's okay.

But I would maybe ask that we take some time to remember the atrocities that

were committed against my people.

And that you make that marshmallow yam thing.

So, Sarpies, all this friend, both in agree it's important not to gloss over

difficult history, all of which happened long.

And to Thor's time.

So you're just distancing yourself.

Didn't you, like, murder thousands of people?

Yes, but in Europe, so... Clean hands. Okay, this is a disgraceful display, and

I, for one, am disgusted, especially as an Irish person who was also oppressed.

You didn't even know you were Irish.

I'm pretty sure that during the first Thanksgiving, my ancestors were being

chased out of the shtetl by the Cossacks, so... Pete?

I'm from the 80s. I drove a Datsun. Look, I think the point is, you were all

taught this idyllic story about Thanksgiving, and obviously there's much

it. Right. Well said, Sasapi. And really, all we can do now is learn and

better, because none of us were actually there.

Well... I wasn't there either.

Maybe you're a colonizer.

I'm gay.

Is that anything?

What about our Puritan friend, Patience? Where is she?

Patience!

Heavy to Chicago for your first book signing. This is very exciting.

I once made it as far west as Michigan, but I did not have the confidence in my

French to continue on to Illinois.

I'm a little nervous. I mean, the publisher says we still haven't gotten

sales numbers, and what if nobody shows up to my signing?

Then it shall be both our failures, though far more humiliating for you

you'll be there and are alive and everything.

It's gonna go great, babe, and we're gonna celebrate with Thanksgiving

which you promised you'd be back in time for and not abandon me like my parents

did. You pay taxes, you own a home, cut the cord, Jay.

Are you kidding? Our first Thanksgiving together in our own home?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Samantha, have you reminded Jay about turning on my sound machine while you're

gone? I know that I was born before electricity, but now I cannot sleep

the soothing murmurs of the rainforest.

And I need him to turn on the History Channel tonight at 6 p .m. There's an

American Revolution marathon, and dare I say, it will be the first marathon Ben

Franklin's ever been a part of. Also, Thor needs Smallman to turn on

For flour, though not at all worried about monsters under bed.

Don't worry, guys. I have given Jay a comprehensive list of ghost tasks.

You'll be well taken care of. Yeah, guys, don't worry. I promise to turn

Alberta's magazine page every 12 minutes. Oh, you tell him to double that

any more related content.

Your girl likes to save us. Let's go, go, go. We gotta get a move on, Sammy.

Whoa, relax, Pete. The flight doesn't leave for three hours.

Which leaves just enough time for you to get through security and for me to find

your pilot and make sure he's sober.

That Denzel movie? Scary accurate.

Okay, this is unacceptable.

Trevor, I asked you 15 minutes ago to have Jay open the curtain so that I

stare out my staring window. He is not responding to any of our tech, Teddy.

He's not even checking list.

I am hitting send on a very sternly worded warning in which we threaten to

Sam that he's not doing our bidding.

You see how you like this?

Okay, you can tell Sam whatever you want, because here's what I'm telling

I'm not doing any of this.

This is actually really healthy for you. You guys have gotten spoiled with Sam

kowtowing to your every need.

Well, guess what? There's a new sheriff in town, one that plays by his own set

of rules.

I don't like this.

I don't like this at all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go upstairs and

watch whatever the hell I want on TV.

Okay.

He is diabolical. We need to do something.

What if we text Sam saying the house burned down? She come running back?

She might check in with Jay first. Otherwise, perfect plan. No notes.

Thor think Thor have idea.

If we can't have Sam, we can't have Sam's man. Maybe we can have man Sam.

Wait, I speak Thor. I think he's talking about Kyle.

Yeah, that's what I say.

Hold on. Kyle, the living who can see ghosts, who hit on Sam last time he was

here? I don't think Jay's going to be doing backflips over us inviting Kyle to

the house.

Yeah, that's a good point. Although, when you think about it, here is the one

place we know Samantha is not. So, in a way, by having Kyle come here, Jay

should be put at ease.

How? Well, if Kyle is here, then Kyle cannot be out there potentially bumping

into an unshopper on Samantha.

So you're saying we're not just bringing Manson to be butler.

We're actually potentially saving Sam and Jay's marriage.

Oh, we are good people.

Now let's text Kyle pretending to be Jay and we'll deal with the fallout when he

gets here.

Oh, yes.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Not quite done.

And almost there.

Okay, you can turn it.

Wait a minute.

Who's Derek?

Can you go back a few pages?

Pete, are you sure you don't want to stretch your legs for a bit before we

board? It's kind of a long flight.

Not a bad idea. Maybe I'll go sample some of the smells over at the old

Cinnabon. Dang, that's fun to say.

Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Cinnabon, bon, bon.

Okay. You know, the Cinnabon was actually a keychain hut a while ago, and

was a guy named Phil that ran it, and Phil went to Ithaca College.

True story.

Why would I think it was fake? Well, it's a pretty good college, and Phil was

not the best student.

Yeah, and I didn't know any of those things, Pete. Well, now you do.

Cinnabon, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Ithaca. That's another fun one to say.

Ithaca. Ithaca.

Wait,

who is Derek?

Hey!

I'm here. That Thanksgiving traffic is brutal.

Okay, first of all, thank you so much for coming. Second, please accept our

apologies. For what? What the hell are you doing here? For that.

I'm confused.

You invited me.

Why would I invite you? You made a move on my wife.

Well, guys, we invite you. Now finish up saying hellos and commence cooking food

for us to smell.

Ah, the ghosts are saying they invited me.

Seriously, guys? I tell you I won't be your butler, so you call my nemesis?

nemesis is a far cry from this reconciliation text I got, which I'm now

realizing must have come from Trevor due to the late 90s Bud Light gif. What

the... Okay, I'm... This is...

So embarrassing.

Jay, I will get out of your hair. No, please don't go. What about Momoa? I'm

sorry, guys. I can't help you. What are they saying? They're just doing their

typical ghost begging.

Well, we didn't want it to come to this, Kyle, but please tell Jay that if he

doesn't allow you to stay, we're going to tell Sam of how he's been eating

she's been away. He's an adult. I'm sure Sam doesn't care what he eats. Wait,

what are they saying?

Well, that doesn't sound so bad.

No, that can't be possible. For breakfast?

Oh, no.

In the bathtub?

Four big deal double smashers in one sitting.

It was a feast, but not a celebration reeked of shame.

Is this about the Sonic?

It's about the Sonic.

Okay, fine, you can stay and help with ghost stuff, but you stay out of my way.

And the bathroom is supposed to be off limits.

Off limits, ghost? Was it heady? Yeah.

Victorian perv.

Really? They tricked Kyle into coming?

I'm so sorry about that, Jay.

Whatever. Ghosts are gonna ghost.

How'd the book signing go?

It was okay. I don't really want to talk about it.

Honestly, the hardest part has been... Pete, I've just never spent this much

-on -one time with him. He's been very...

Annoying? Well, it doesn't sound like my boy.

Although, to be fair, I've never once interacted with him. Here he comes. I

gotta go.

Hey, deep breaths, babe. Just a quick flight home and then our Thanksgiving

feast awaits.

I can't wait to see you.

Oh, I can't wait to see you either.

I'm gonna go shower with my bathing suit on.

Please hurry back.

Love you.

Love you.

Hey, Sam.

I just met a really nice ghost over at the Hudson News. I told her you'd look

her nephew to see if he ever became a dentist.

Seriously? It's going to take some time, too, because she died in 1905, so the

nephew's also long dead. How expensive is Ancestry .com?

One short flight.

What's that?

Due to an unresolved labor dispute, all ground crew were on strike. Effective

immediately. All flights are canceled at this time. What? No.

Fish.

But, look on the bright side, Sammy, you and I are about to spend a whole lot

more time together.

Check.

All right.

Road trip time.

This is fun.

Good, clean fun.

Uh -huh. I think we can make it in 13 hours, which puts us back at Woodstone

just in time for turkey.

Great. And that's even allowing for several brief stops for the one of us

still needs to pee.

Now, if we really want to shave some time... Pete, I've already said no. I'm

wearing a diaper.

Damn it, why won't this stupid phone connect?

Just put in the cup holder facing me. I'll keep my eye on the map, you keep

eye on the road.

Now, do you have a preference in terms of navigation voice?

Crikey, turn left in 300 meters.

The Australian accent will be in metric.

Or I just use my regular voice.

Yay.

Okay, Seth, your pizzas are on the way. Pepperoni, extra pungent? I did ask for

that. They seem confused, but we'll see what arrives.

Thank you. Time! On it.

Hedy and Isaac, I know Jay's watching football on the TV, so I downloaded the

latest season of Bodices and Barons for you to watch on the iPad.

And you'll watch it with us? Sure, Liz.

Yeah, sure.

But not the shirtless thing.

Man, Sam is true boom to the house.

Too bad small man hate his guts.

Seriously, it'd be great to have you ghosted us whenever Sam goes out of

Agreed. Because even my tier one ghost power has limits.

I can poke, but I can't grab.

It's probably for the best. It wouldn't be fair.

Grabbing would make me a god.

Yeah, well, unfortunately, I think this might be the last time I'm here.

Tom's a bummer. I really enjoy being around livings who know my secret.

And Jay seems like a really nice guy.

Well, what if we were able to help you mend fences with Jay?

Fence man day? No, there's a shirtless activity if you've ever heard one.

What do you mean, Seth?

Well, I mean, you got a bunch of people right here who basically know everything

there is to know about Jay. What if we helped you... Make inroads with him. I'm

listening. Are you? I said turn light two minutes ago. Oh, sorry.

Good little butler boy doing what we say.

What? I said let's help you win over Jay.

I don't understand. This doesn't even look like a road.

Is this what the GPS said? If GPS stands for good Pete's suggestion, then you

betcha. What are you talking about?

I'm saying the robot is no match for a travel agent. This thing was sending us

straight into holiday traffic. It didn't even know about State Road 81.

Trust me, this is a huge time saver.

Crikey.

Hey, what you doing? You, uh...

Watching football?

Yeah. Cool.

I love football.

NFL.

You got a team in this?

Nope. I'm just hoping the Cowboys lose. Oh, yeah, me too.

Big Giants fan.

Those 80s teams were just the greatest.

You know, Mark Bavaro, Phil Simms. And the linebackers, LT, Pepper Johnson. And

the linebackers, LT, Pepper Johnson.

Oh, Kyle, you really know your stuff.

Who don't like the Vikings?

Does Boston have a team? What's their mascot?

An alcoholic?

How about that 1990 season when Sims got injured in, like, the last game?

Hostetler came in and led the G -Men on an epic Super Bowl run.

Hostetler. Unforgettable. Talk about the best mustache since Magnum P .I.

Say it.

Trust him, dude.

He's gone you this far.

Talk about the best mustache since Magnum P .I.

Hell yeah.

Men required.

That's tenuous ground for Frederick.

Hey, man, you want to sit down and watch the game? Did LT end Joe Theismann's

career on Monday Night Football?

Did LT end Joe Theismann's career on Monday Night Football?

Oh, that's dark, Kyle.

But I like it.

Go Vikings!

So loud.

Come on, pick up.

I counted 38 rings. I don't think they're answering.

It's the last tow company in a 50 -mile radius.

You know, I can't help but feel partially responsible.

You don't say.

On the other hand, you did sort of force me to look for a shortcut because you

refused to wear the Huggies pull -ups, as I suggested.

Was it because they had dinosaurs on them? Because those can be for gals,

Just shut up.

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Okay. I can't take it anymore. The tips and the quips and the stories in every

town we passed. You knew a guy who worked at a place who did a thing.

Just trying to be a good travel buddy. The only thing that you have done

get us stranded in the middle of nowhere is annoy the crap out of me. I wish you

weren't even here.

Well, looks like you might get your wish.

Oh, no.

We have to get you home, Pete.

Like you even care. I didn't mean what I said. I was stressed out, and I took it

out on you. Oh, yeah.

Travel's stressful.

That's why people turn to qualified professionals, or at least they used to.

it's just... It's not just the travel or your stories. It's... I don't know. The

book.

I know it's just a YA novel, but for me, it's a big deal.

Nobody showed up at the signing.

I still haven't heard anything about the sales numbers, which doesn't seem like

it bodes well.

There were a few people there.

Remember that one guy that ran in so excited and he asked you that question?

He wanted the bathroom code.

He thought I worked there. Look, it makes total sense that you're stressed.

But no matter how the book does, you already won. You're a published author.

And I couldn't be prouder of you.

Thank you.

And if this is how it ends...

Next to a broken -down rental car outside of Dunbridge, Ohio.

I'm just glad it's with you, Sam.

Wait a second. Did you say Dunbridge, Ohio?

I remember a long time ago you told me a story about that place.

Yeah, I get it. I tell too many stories. No, Pete, who was the guy you knew who

worked in Dunbridge, Ohio?

He had some sort of tour company?

Shane Johnsonbaugh.

Good man.

Scratch golfer. I remember his mother had a wooden eye. Pete, look.

Johnsonbaugh Tour Company.

They're still in business.

Maybe they could help us. I mean, Shane's probably long gone.

It's worth a shot.

I know, right?

Walter Payton gets all the love, but Otis Anderson was the man. But how do

teams stack up against Eli Manning's Super Bowl teams?

Oh, uh, that is after my time.

Uh, yeah, Manning, he was good.

Okay, here's a fun one. If you could take one receiver from that team to

new franchise with, who are you going with?

Just say an extremely common name.

Archibald. Or Sven.

Miller.

Miller? Who's Miller?

A receiver.

Oh, this is hard to watch. Just say goodbye to our shirtless butler dreams.

Kyle, name any giant from 2001 to 2020.

Andre. You were using Trevor?

Do you even know anything about football?

Not in the way I think you're using it, but I am a really big soccer fan.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

I just thought that maybe if we bonded over something, it would help smooth

things over.

Not cool, man.

And, Ghost, I'm not surprised, but I am disappointed.

Nice workout, but, uh... How is this on me?

That is what you should be saying about your hat.

Come on.

Answer the phone.

Hello? Hi.

My name is Sam.

Is this Shane Johnsonbaugh who founded Johnsonbaugh Tours?

Uh, no. That was my dad, Shane Senior.

Oh, okay. Well, my car broke down on State Road 81, and no one in the area

help me. I was hoping... Lady, it's Thanksgiving.

And what were you doing out on 81? That hasn't been a road in 20 years.

Rub it in.

Sorry. I knew it was a long shot.

It's just...

I'm a family friend of the late Pete Martino. Pete Martino? Forget it, Sam.

gone and clearly forgotten.

He was friends with your dad.

Man, I haven't heard that name since my dad passed away ten years ago.

He loved that guy.

Said he always had the best stories.

I'd have to agree with that.

So wait, you said you're stuck?

Yeah, I just need a lift to the nearest bus station. I'm trying to get back to

the Hudson Valley.

Bus station?

You know, for a friend of Pete Martino's, I think I can do you one

that.

Helicopter. Car is a land ship, but you know helicopter?

It's what sky flies in Paw Patrol, so yes.

Full familiar.

The house smells incredible.

Oh, soft hands. Jay's been cooking up a storm.

Hey, Sam. Hey, Pete.

Hi, Guy. Hi, Kyle. Thanks for babysitting the goat.

Jay, I just want to say I'm, again, sorry for everything. I don't have a lot

friends in my life because of the, you know, freak thing, but...

Yeah, I'm gonna get out of your hair. I think Blimpie is open till six on

holidays, so. What a sad history that knowledge implies.

Are you okay if I invite him to stay?

If you're comfortable with that.

Kyle, wait. I overheard what you said, and yes, I'd love to stay.

Yes, man's down back in the fold.

Let's all go freshen up.

Kyle looks like he could use a long, steamy shower.

Hattie, I can see you. I can see you, too.

Scrub -a -dub -dub, my little boy.

I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to the Sassapis and the Lenape people.

So I prepared what the Lenape referred to as the three sisters.

Corn, beans, and squash.

Kind of a long -winded way of saying you didn't make my yams and marshmallows.

And now, as promised, the coup de grace.

Yams and marshmallows.

Yes! The fourth and fifth sisters!

Oh, let's go!

Oh, this is so lame.

Why are we at the kids' table?

We're the newest ghosts.

Hey, should we choreograph a dance and present it to the grown -up? We're all

grown -ups, Pete. We're post -grown -ups. We're dead.

I would like to say something.

Thanksgiving is about family and friends, and sometimes those are the

annoy you the most.

But they're also the people who you would miss the most if they weren't

We're only in each other's lives for such a fleeting amount of time.

Not that fleeting.

And it's easy to get caught up in reaching a goal or getting to a certain

destination.

But what matters is who you're on the journey with.

Right back at you, Sammy.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Even Isaac, who was a colonizer.

A gay colonizer.

All right, I'm going into the dirt to find Paisley.