Original subtitles

Oh my god, I can't believe this.

Why was this stripper parachuting in?

It was the... It's raining men package.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Chris.

Extra sad for us.

Young hotties.

Taken in our prime.

Eh, that's how it goes.

Watch the footy ball.

You never know what way it's gonna bounce.

Man, I gotta say, his physique is great, but his attitude's even better.

Oh, it's not gonna be good for business.

And poor Chris.

It is tragic, but he seems to be handling it well.

Wait, Chris is now a ghost?

So there's just some hot, invisible Australian guy hanging around now?

I mean, he's okay.

You're all right. He's still plump. Are you blushing? No.

As if.

I cannot believe this. The dinosaur -loving stripper of my dreams just

on our property.

Here he comes. Time to dazzle him with the old Higgintooth charm.

Hey, name's Chris. You two are ghosts, right?

Yep. I'm Flower.

And what's your name, mate?

I... I... Your name is Ice.

Iceberg. Some people call me Ice.

Right on, Ice.

See you guys around.

That was tough to watch, and I once watched a bear eat my corpse.

The cubs were cute, though, when they joined in.

Who's the guy dressed like Frasier?

That's Jay's cousin, Sunil. He just got dumped by his girlfriend, and he's here

to bro out with Jay.

Yeah, so unfortunately, you won't see the restaurant up and running this

weekend. Because of the stripper that crashed through the roof? Yeah, it's

tragic, but it kind of puts things in perspective.

Maybe makes you feel not so bad about Courtney breaking up with you at

She thought I wasn't going to make a scene in front of a seven -year -old's

birthday party?

She was wrong.

God, I miss making a scene.

Everyone watching you scared.

Saying, Alberta, put the gun down.

It's a great way to get attention.

Sunil, I love Courtney, but the truth is, she sucks and you can do better.

Hey, Sunil. Oh, hey. So glad you could make it.

And happy St. Patrick's Day.

Sam did one of those ancestry websites.

It turns out I'm 10 % Irish.

And more Neanderthal than you'd expect, but they didn't have a T -shirt for

that. Oh, uh, Mark wants to see us in the barn.

He has an estimate for the roof repair. He said he could email it, but he wanted

to see the look on our faces.

Do not like the sound of that.

Hey, Sunil, um, you want to come? The police tape's still up. Maybe I could

a picture of you in the chalk outline.

It's really nice of you, Jay, but I... I think I'm just gonna sit here and

finish my breakfast.

This poor cousin.

I was going to make a joke about how bad things are when a 500 -year -old virgin

is feeling sorry for you, but then I restrain myself.

Thank you, Alberta.

It's very thoughtful.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Today, my people celebrate by getting very drunk instead of just the normal

amount. I can make those jokes now.

Yeah, you were really holding back before.

Wow, everyone really seems to be in the St. Paddy's Day spirit around here.

Were you talking to me?

Well, I mean, there's no one else in here.

Oh, my God, he can see her. What is happening?

Are you a guest?

No, I am not a ghost.

He's a guest.

Oh, yes, I am a guest, not a ghost.

I'm Sunil.

My name is Henrietta.

But they call me Hedy.

Could I offer you some coffee? This is so freaking weird.

No, thank you.

It goes right through me.

Anyway, bye. Yeah, bye.

Okay, my initial overture with Chris left something to be desired, but it is

new day, and I have crafted the perfect opening line.

Hello,

Chris. My name is Isaac, and we are soulmates.

All right, bud, you're going to have to take it down a notch.

Remember, as far as this guy knows, you guys just met.

Imagine if someone that you just met told you they broke off their engagement

for you.

Hmm. Perhaps it is a bit forward.

Yeah, you just gotta play it cool.

People don't like death, right? That's why Neil Young always went home alone.

Play it cool?

Perhaps I play it cool as Ice, which is what he thinks my name is.

Up, Chris?

How is it hanging?

Want to talk pterodactyl?

Yeah, I wouldn't bring up dinosaurs right away either.

Yeah, but we both love dinosaurs.

Again, it's creepy that you know that.

Let him tell you that he loves dinosaurs, and then you can nerd out

dino facts or whatever. I'm going to tell him that the Spinosaurus is the

fastest swimmer.

But first, I'm going to let him come to me, because that's how the Iceman knows

things.

I wouldn't call yourself the Iceman either.

The Iceman hears you.

Eh? is incredible.

You can be seen by the living. Wait, can you touch stuff?

No, I'm sadly unable to interact with the physical world, which I discovered

moments ago after attempting to access Samantha's pill cabinet.

But why?

Why can she be seen now after all these years?

What if it's because it's St. Patrick's Day and you're Irish?

Interesting, but then why has this never happened before?

Maybe because you never saw the Irish as people before, but now that you do, you

can also be seen?

I wonder if this is permanent or if this is just like for the day. That'll go a

long way. to determining which tier ghost power this is. What's this? There

tiers to ghost powers? Seemed insensitive to mention before we knew

but yes, there's tier one, the godlike powers. That's me and Trevor.

Excuse me. My dream thing is also tier one.

Adjacent. Then there's tier two. That's Flower and Thor. Sort of neat, but not

really that useful.

And then there's tier three, which is very useful in some highly specific

situations. Eddie.

Hello.

Sunil.

Hello. I just wanted to tell you that your gown is stunning.

I feel like nobody dresses up anymore, and I think it's a real shame.

Excuse me? Is it totally on? Well, you look rather dapper yourself.

She used the D word. It is on.

I was going out for a walk. Would you care to join me?

Oh,

you're not planning on leaving the property, are you? I don't think so.

Then absolutely, I would love to.

If ghosts can go through walls, why don't we just pull through the floor? We

believe that the spectral plane on which we exist consists of two core elements.

Vertical material, or what we call wall, is permeable to ghosts, whereas

horizontal material, or floor, supports our weight. There's also well, which you

should avoid.

Hey. Hey there.

Hi, it's Roy.

How you going? I'm cool, as my name would suggest.

The Iceman.

Pete, let's get back to the ghost rules.

Yeah, why don't we? Okay, let's talk ghost boundary, that mysterious force

keeps ghosts from leaving the property.

Yeah, rules don't really apply to me.

Oh, so you can leave the property.

No, but I don't have a bedtime.

Okay. Iceman is having a meltdown.

Damn it, why didn't I think of that? Nice one, Flower.

Sam, you're not going to believe what just happened.

You're not going to believe what just happened.

I just went on a walk with the most fascinating creature. A woman of true,

refined, elegant, and perfect posture.

True throwback. Aside from some wildly progressive views on recreational drug

use. Who are you talking about? Your guest.

Sunil, we don't have a guest. Of course you do. Her name is Hedy.

Hello.

Come on, that was good, right?

Oh, my God. Good afternoon.

Hi. Oh, right.

That guest.

How is this happening?

We think it had something to do with it being St. Patrick's Day and Hedy's

recent realization that she's Irish, having unlocked her ghost power. It's

very interesting. I would love to discuss it more. But Sunil and I are

to be having lunch shortly.

Sure, I can't eat, but I can drink in his beautiful house.

Why do the ghosts always want to date my family?

I'm not sure lunch is such a great idea, Hedy. Yes.

It's a terrible idea.

Sunil's in a very fragile state, and it's not going to go anywhere because

you've been dead for 150 years.

Oh, Jay, never talk about how long a lady's been dead.

Come on, it's just lunch, Jay. Let her live a little.

The ghosts are saying you should let me live a little. Oh, that's fun. I feel

like Samantha. I'm sorry. I'm with Jay.

What good could come from this?

Well, good.

You forget that I have never been on a proper date before. I was part of a land

deal because I was the only non -mustachioed sister.

Also, you're worried about Sunil being fragile.

Don't you think it would hurt his feelings that Hedy just didn't show up

lunch? Yeah, this guy's only recently back out there. That would be

Listen to the virgin. He is an expert on pain and rejection.

I was backing you up. Wait, who's a virgin? That's obvious.

You mean like when he was alive?

We don't have to talk about this. It doesn't matter. Jay, maybe the ghosts

right. It seems like it's really important to Hedy.

Please, Jay, it's just one lunch, and it would mean the world to me.

And it's harder to say no to them when you can see them and hear them.

It is what I've been telling you.

Which is why if you want to suck the hard candy, you have to do so directly

Carol's fingers.

So, that about wraps up orientation.

Any questions?

Yes, mate. How do we watch the telly if we can't actually press the buttons?

I'm not much of a TV man myself.

I prefer book.

Long ones, no pictures.

So, the rumors are true. We have a new ghost on the property.

Welcome. I'm Lieutenant Colonel Nigel Chesson. Name's Chris. Good to meet you.

Your tattoo, that wouldn't be the skull of a Pachycephalosaurus, would it?

Oh, good eye.

Look at those, they're dinos.

Just breathe, man. Stay cool.

What about you, Knight? You got a favorite dinosaur?

Oh... I would have to say Spinosaurus.

He is, after all, the fastest swimmer. I like Spinosaurus.

Okay, you were Dino Man as well. I'm the Dino Man. Nigel's only into dinosaurs

because I was into dinosaurs.

Isaac, don't. Now, you know what the hell is it?

Enough games, Chris.

You know that empty chair you were dancing for?

That was me.

We exchanged a series of sensual and erotic Dilophosaurus clicks.

And not only that, our connection opened my eyes. Sorry, our connection.

Yes. We both love dinosaurs and hate Alexander Hamilton. And my ghost power

fart smell. And you lack the ability to smell. My point is we're soulmates.

And fortune has shined upon us in the form of your untimely death.

Okay. I need some air. Hmm?

Yeah. Okay. So we're soulmates.

Soulmates!

That was tough to watch, and I once watched a bear eat my corpse.

The cubs were cute, though, when they joined in.

You know, I never had... Where do you live?

Nearby.

Quite nearby.

Excuse me.

You know, you haven't taken your phone out once.

You are so present.

Yeah, my ex was always on hers, taking selfies and photos of her smoothies.

Exes. Mine was always bedding the maid and monopolizing the local rail system.

Sounds like an old -timey robber baron.

You bet he wasn't. That puts that to bed.

Good save, Hattie. This is so nice.

I love that we met organically.

You know, texting or swiping.

Truthfully, I detest the modern dating scene.

Maybe I was born in the wrong century.

I know exactly what you mean.

They're bonding.

I am rooting for these two.

Are your lamb chops okay?

You haven't touched them.

No, I ate one.

You did?

When you were on your phone.

Where's the bone?

I consumed it.

Wake not, want not.

You truly are one of a kind, Eddie.

And you bought it.

I don't know what the endgame is, but God love you. You are pulling it off.

I think I've come to apologize.

I feel as though I may have played a part in your implosion.

It's a word I've heard bandied about.

Look, later on, Chris and I got to chat further, and we got to know each other a

little bit, and dare I say we hit it off.

What do you mean, hit it off? Well, to make a long story very short...

We smooched.

It wasn't quite a snog, but it was certainly more than a peck.

I didn't want to hear it from someone else.

Hmm. Smooch, huh?

You must be quite elated.

I don't need to tell you these last few months have been difficult, but maybe

this is the light at the end of a very long dark tunnel, and it's just nice to

have a little bit of hope again. That was a thing that was in very short

of late for me.

Well, I'm glad you're happy.

And those pecks.

My God!

He can make them dance at will.

And when you press on his chest, your hands don't go in. They stomp against it

like marble.

I think this conversation's run its course.

I mean, I watched The Gilded Age, but you truly know a lot about that era.

I had no idea Mamie Fish had such loose morals.

Oh, she was a two -bit ankle whore. There wasn't a gentleman in Newport who

hadn't seen those sock puppies.

Okay, and you know this how?

I read that on the Internet, which is something that a lot of people who are

currently alive do.

Hattie, I really have had such a great time getting to know you.

I don't want it to end.

Where is this going?

This is crazy.

But what if we met up again next weekend?

We could go to Newport, tour the mansion.

I, of course, am flattered.

I just don't think we should rush into things.

But doesn't it feel...

Good to rush in. All that ankle talk got him all hot and bothered. The man truly

is a throwback.

Let others play games while we seize the moment.

What's wrong?

I just... I can't do this.

Hetty.

What the... Yeah, he's gonna think that's weird.

Excuse me.

And that's not helping.

I really have enjoyed our time together.

I'm sorry.

Samantha, something terrible happened with Sunil. Oh, no. Hedy

said something terrible happened with Sunil. I can hear her. This is so

confusing. He tried to kiss me, and I walked through a door. Tale as old as

time. I told you this was a bad idea.

Poor Sunil. He's just trying to get back out there, and the dating world is

weird enough as it is, and now this?

Oh,

you okay, bud?

Sunil, stop.

What are you?

I am Heddy Woodstone.

I built this mansion and died here in 1895 on this very property. What are you

saying?

I'm a ghost.

Oh, my God. A ghost?

That's a lot to process.

Because as a normal person, I don't believe in ghosts.

We just thought you were a paying guest. What a bummer. And scary.

So, Neil, I know I should have told you sooner, but I, too, didn't want our time

to end.

And I just want to thank you.

For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I feel seen.

I mean, it wasn't...

casual thing with another ghost, but that was mostly physical and sort of a

rebound, actually, from a washing machine. You got to get this thing back

track, Eddie. The point is, I will cherish our time together.

I know you feel out of step with the modern world, but please remember that a

wonderful man never goes out of style.

Those are wise words, Sunil.

Don't be so scared that you forget those wise words.

You will find someone worthy who appreciates you.

And is alive and can touch stuff.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Sunil.

Oh, my God! The wall!

Ah! Ghosts are real!

Awesome work, guys.

Way to sell it.

Oi, mate!

Hey, Ice.

How you going?

Where did you come from?

You won't believe what happened.

What? The hell was that?

Well, I was mucking about with my chute, trying to figure out why it didn't

open, and then... Boo!

Off I went.

Reckon it's my ghost power.

I'm sorry, flying is your ghost power?

Yeah, and it seems like I can go anywhere I want.

Sort of a Mary Poppins situation.

Oh, and that ghost boundary Pete was on about? It doesn't seem to apply when I'm

airborne.

Of course it doesn't.

So, I guess I'll be going then. Wait, what do you mean? You're leaving?

Yeah, yeah, big footy match in Melbourne this weekend.

I'm going to watch it from the pitch.

But what about Nigel? Who? The British fellow with whom you've grown close.

going to feel so rejected again.

Ah, right, Nigel. Good, good bloke. But, you know, I've got the whole wide world

out there, so... Give him my regards. Yes, but... Well, that is me gone.

Hang in there, mate.

One minute till midnight.

Well, here we are.

These may very well be my final few moments on this plane.

We're going to miss you, Hedy.

I can't believe you're turning into a leprechaun. It's so sad.

I want to thank you, Hedy. Even though I can't believe another one of my family

members fell in love with a ghost, I think you gave Sunil the confidence to

settle. And at the very least, it is good to know that, oh, how do you say

us who got it.

Ten seconds.

Goodbye, Jay. See you later, Hattie. Till next St. Patrick's Day. Perhaps.

That's how this works.

And it's midnight.

Well, what's happening?

Am I gone?

I can still see you.

It can't be.

It wasn't just for one day. I am visible to everybody.

I am the most powerful ghost in the whole world.

Tier one.

Tier one.

And she's gone.

That's right. This clock was a bit off.

Damn it.

Megan Toot, have you seen Chris?

He had plans to walk around the pond.

I've looked all around, but I can't seem to find him.

Nigel, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Chris left.

What do you mean he left?

Yes, I was right there when it happened. He... He what?

He got sucked off, Nigel.

Really? Yep. The white light, the going up, the whole shebang.

But he just got here.

What? How did it happen?

Well, actually, he was talking about you and how you two connected. And up he

went. Meeting you must have been exactly what he needed.

I see.

I won't lie. I shall miss him. But my time with Chris has given me hope.

Good things can happen.

Like a wonderful man falling to his death right out of the clear blue sky.

Indeed. Hey, maybe Sam can bring him back next Halloween with one of those

seances. I can't think of a reason why not.

Well, see you around.

That's an anxious problem.