Original subtitles

You can go home, Mike. I'll finish closing up.

Fortunately, there's not much to do since there were barely any customers

tonight. Sure, things have slowed down a little since the restaurant opened, and

maybe they did get some bad press from briefly becoming the Hudson Valley's top

mafia hangout, but on the bright side...

Oh, no.

Pete can't find a bright side.

This is bad.

I don't get it.

I'm serving great food. Meanwhile, Connor's place is packed every night.

just did a write -up on him in New York Magazine. Connor is this guy Jay hates

from culinary school.

I bet he hired a publicist.

What a douche.

Jay, you're a great chef. You just need to focus on you.

Not as I hate to admit it, I agree with Samantha.

The truth is, my own life is a tragic tale about how an obsession with a

can derail one's own promising career.

I'm, of course, referring to my infamous rivalry with Alexander Hamilton.

Can I be honest, Isaac? I've never really understood what Hamilton actually

to you. Weren't you just kind of jealous of him? I've never shared this with you

because I was embarrassed, but that man...

ruined my chance to become someone history remembers.

It is a painful story to tell.

But since it might help, Jay, I'm willing to share it. Ooh, dinner and a

like it. Buckle up.

For tonight, I shall tell you the tale of why I hate Alexander Hamilton.

The year is 1776.

It is?

No, in the story.

Oh. Our tale begins at a men's haberdashery where I'd gone to pick up a

an ornamental but obligatory garment I needed for an important event I was to

attend that evening.

Earlier in the week, I had received an invitation from my mentor, John Jay, to

attend a dinner party at his Manhattan estate, but this was to be no regular

soiree.

Excuse me. I'll be with you shortly.

God, this infernal weight.

Give me service or give me death.

Oh, my God.

Beatrice, look.

It's Alexander Hamilton. We met at James Madison's Easter party and had the most

thrilling exchange of ideas.

Alexander, hello.

Yeah, I've already been helped. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's me.

It's me.

Isaac Higgintoot.

We met at James Madison's Easter party.

Right. Of course.

You were the talk of the event. Oh, really?

Yes! Yes, you ate that rotten pork pie and yacked in his carriage.

He couldn't get the scent out. It was a total write -off.

Well, um, I will see you at dinner tonight?

Oh, yeah, I don't think so. No, I'm going to John Jay's house to discuss a

important matter.

Yes, I will be there, too.

Really?

Oh, I kind of assumed it was an exclusive.

It is an exclusive event.

Huh.

You sure you're not thinking about Albert Jay's party? I heard he's hosting

chili dump.

Maybe... Is that... Is that the party maybe you're attending?

No. John Jay's. To discuss the Declaration of Independence.

Hmm. Oh.

Excellent. Well, you shall be the voice of the common man.

I'll see you there.

Now... How can I help you? Yes, Isaac Higgins, too, picking up my shirt

Unfortunately, we're all out. What?

I reserved mine two weeks ago.

Well, it's not here.

It's possible that someone else picked it up. But it was under my name.

Is there one at another store? I doubt it. It's sort of peak ruffle season.

I could order one in. It would take at least a week. But I'm going to John

house tonight.

I heard that was an exclusive event.

It is.

Tune in next week for an ice -cold elimination on He's Getting Hot.

You don't believe Victoria P.

sleep with Austin, then send him home same night.

Victoria P. is going to hell.

I'm back.

Oh, my God. Not again.

Elias, what are you doing here?

Come now, Henrietta. That's no way to greet your husband.

Greet you?

visited you tried to drag peter to hell never mind all that i come to you today

with an opportunity we're not interested in anything you have to say now now

hear me out you see my boss was very impressed that i returned to hell

voluntarily there's not a lot of that what with all the flaying and the

and the bad wi -fi so now i am on the management track and i am one soul shy

of a big promotion oh and you expect One of us to volunteer to give you our

soul? I do. If you accept my offer and commit your soul to hell, you will join

me on the management track.

Instead of having your toenails pried off daily, well, you could be doing the

prying or supervising the prying. You wouldn't even have to return with me

We could work out a time, even years from now, that your cushy sentence could

begin. But refuse my deal and risk an eternity of pain.

And suffering.

Elias, it's a no from us. The ones you go try to peddle your nonsense on some

other ghosts.

Oh, I specifically came to talk to you for. You see, we've kind of had our eyes

on you.

Well, I don't like that.

I'm going to be fine.

I'll have you know, when I was alive, I gave a lot of money to charity.

Charity was a dancer, of course.

One last thing. This offer expires at midnight. So, the only question is...

Are you willing to roll the dice?

Jay, pay attention.

I can't hear or see him.

Anyway, as I was saying, that evening I journeyed to John Jay's house eager for

the opportunity that lay before me, but terrified by how my ruffled chest would

be received.

I get it. Neckwear was very important to us pine cone troopers.

Although, given the second chance, I would have gone with Kevlar and not your

standard cotton neckerchief.

So what happened when you got to John Jay's house? We're still not at John

house. As I was saying, I entered the residence hoping my peers would focus

on my ideas than my garments.

That hope was quickly dashed.

What the hell is wrong with you, Isaac?

I can see the whole naked bib of your shirt. It's disgusting.

It wasn't my fault. There was a mix -up at the shop, and then it's like trying

to find it last -minute ruffle at Manhattan in March.

I mean, while I'm at it, why don't I just look for the Northwest Passage?

You are my protege, Isaac. When I invited you to this dinner, I was

neck out for you, and you didn't have the decency to decorate yours for me?

who's here.

Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Sam Adams.

I will not have you embarrass me in my own house.

I don't know what to say.

If you want me to go, I'll go.

I think I have a spare.

It's not quite the current style, but it'll suffice.

Come with me.

nice of him, so everything worked out. Yes, Samantha.

I'm telling you the story because everything worked out.

Let's just say that this particular ruffle turned out to be worse than no

at all.

My God, Higgintooth, what are you wearing? It's a loner.

I know it's not the delicate, finely pleated ruffle that's currently all the

rage. It looks as though you're being attacked by a swan. It's enormous.

It's a wonder you're not toppling over.

I mean, you're more top -heavy than Catherine the Great.

You seen paintings of her? Oh, it's not.

Are you kidding?

I can't get enough of them.

You know me, I love looking at a nice set of plump...

duckies. But what I love even more is the fine tailoring at Henry's

haberdashery, which is why I had reserved my ruffle there. I'm talking a

normal size, modest even, with a fine hand -sewn center pleat.

Oh, sort of like Hamilton's.

Alexander, you made it. Happy to be here.

There he was, Alexander Hamilton, and he was wearing my ruffle.

Did you just gasp at your own reveal?

I did.

I'm so confused. How did you even know it was your ruffle? Are you serious? I

ran into him at the haberdashery just when my ruffle was supposed to be ready.

And then he shows up wearing one that's identical to the one I reserved?

He must have given them my name because he wanted the trendy ruffle.

I could not just let this injustice stand.

I mean, Angelica is definitely the prettiest. Yeah, sure.

You know, but Eliza just, she just seems so gettable. Man, a Schuyler sister.

I wonder if I could get one. I mean, perhaps Peggy.

Good evening,

Alexander.

Lovely ruffle.

You must have preserved it quite some time ago, what, considering how slammed

all the haberdasheries have been this ruffle season?

Yes, yes, ruffle season certainly has been hot, hot, hot.

Which is why I reserved mine with Mr. Henry two weeks ago.

Oh, you know a funny thing. I also reserved mine with Mr. Henry two weeks

But when I showed up today, mine had gone missing.

And yet, here you are, wearing an identical piece.

How interesting.

And another interesting fact.

I had my ruffle monogrammed on the inside of the collar.

Monogrammed, you said?

Indeed.

Gentlemen, let's convene the meeting. I'd like to polish off the rest of this

draft tonight so we can get on with the signing.

The signing.

Hot stack of Johnny cakes. You really were going to sign the Declaration of

Independence.

Really looks like it. So what happened?

So let's talk about these unalienable rights.

So far I have life and liberty, but it feels like there should be a third.

What about beer?

Thank you, Sam.

I'm not going to write that down, but that doesn't mean that it was a bad

Either way, we need to make it clear that these rights were given to us by

I think Hamilton took it.

Here, here.

What?

My raffle.

The one I reserved at every song.

Who cares? We're founding a nation. Just drop it, man.

Now, the people should have the right to alter or even abolish government if

abused. But at the same time, government... Do you think he bribed

Bride to who?

A haberdasher. Are you not listening? I'm trying to listen. To Jefferson.

Just leave me alone.

And we can no longer tolerate the forced boarding of foreign mercenaries in our

homes.

This is the timing of the specials.

John? Yes? John?

John Jay?

Yeah.

Did you have something that you would like to contribute to this particular

concept?

I, um...

Yeah, I like it. It's good. And what was it?

I don't know.

Captain, man, you are blowing this.

There are many benefits.

Sometimes I even get to come to Earth as a living human, otherwise known as a

demon. While here, I'm whining, I'm dining, I am tricking innocents into

me their souls. It is a blast.

And all on the underworld dime.

Honestly, it sounds a lot like my time at Lehman Brothers.

Any of you could be having fun like me. All you have to do is accept my deal. A

simple handshake will do.

Oh, get that hand away from me. I ain't taking the deal. Nor should any of us.

Aside from possibly Thor.

What Thor do.

What Thor do?

Didn't you kill, like, thousands of people?

Yes, but only to pillage the land for resources and treasure.

Also, must remember, most of those were Danes, so Thor think Thor in. Clear.

Danes are people too, Thor.

She's not wrong, my wolf urine -soaked friend. You see, in the eyes of hell,

nationalities are seen as equal.

I was surprised, too.

But Thor killed... many.

Many Danen also eat best friend Oscar, who was Squirrel. See, the equating of

those two things also isn't great.

Think I have a live one. What do you say we make it official?

Oh, that's enough, Elias. He doesn't want your deal. None of us do. So open

hole and go back down from where you came.

Well, you all have another hour on the clock. If you change your minds, I will

be around looking for livings to walk through and make horny.

Okay, that guy sucks.

But you've got to admit, the ghost power rocks.

Men, I do believe that we have done something important here tonight.

And now it is time to sign.

There I was, mere inches away from

signing the Declaration of Independence, from the monogram collar of my ruffle.

And now it's you.

You stole my raffle.

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm trying to be in the middle of

something. Well, let me see the collar.

What? No, let me see it. No, let me see it. No. What is wrong with you? Isaac,

what are you doing?

My God, man.

I can save it. No, no, no.

No, no, no.

My finger.

Phew. That was close.

You destroyed it, Higgintoot.

No, no. I mean...

Honestly, we were going to have to do it over anyway, because all those S's look

like F's.

Oh, my goodness.

You destroyed the Declaration of Independence?

Just the first draft.

But, yeah.

So you destroyed the first draft of the Declaration and squandered your own shot

at history. At least there's a silver lining.

Damn it, Pete.

Don't start one unless you got it. I spilled a glass of wine on Paul Simon's

white couch once. Took Garfunkel a week to get the stain out. Oh, man.

Timothy Chalamet's eating at Connor's restaurant.

I'm sorry.

Is he even listening to my story?

Jay, Isaac wants you to focus up. I am focusing, but there's a lot of downtime

between updates.

Where was I? Oh, yes.

Fine. Not my finest moment. But all is not lost. Jefferson, you seem to have a

pretty good handle on things. How about you take another run at the draft?

And then we'll all meet back here same time next week for some beers and

cyanaroonies. I'm sorry, Higgintoot, but you're out.

Me?

If anyone should be out, surely it's Hamilton.

And why is that?

Because he stole my waffle.

He's spiraling. He's totally lost it. Who invited... this guy?

I think he just showed up.

Egentoot, it is time to leave.

Fine.

I'll leave, but not without regret.

Nothing would have made me happier than to contribute to this great cause.

But alas, Alexander interfered with my pursuit of happiness.

Because of the whole ruffle kerpuffle.

Get out!

Adding insult to injury, Hamilton volunteered to lead me to the door,

my exit one final twist of the knife.

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

Oh, and, um, Higgintoot, you were right.

I stole your ruffle.

Hamilton admitted to stealing Isaac's ruffle.

So Isaac was right. Hamilton did do it. Yes, Jay.

But the truth is, that's not what matters.

The only thing that matters is that my blind obsession with proving that caused

me to miss out on being a part of history.

Jay, this restaurant is your shot at making history.

Don't let it pass you by.

Isaac's saying he should have just let it go and not worried about it, because

he missed his chance to make his mark.

Isaac's right.

I need to stop sitting around and complaining and start doing everything

power to make my restaurant a success.

This might be way too late to be asking, but what is a ruffle?

Honestly, I gotta say, I knew hell was bad, but it sounds really bad.

Totally, except for the contemplating of Chumbawamba, which is objectively

awesome. So, do we have a deal?

Thor, no!

You don't want to do this, big guy.

But Thor may be going to hell anyways.

Why not take deal and make things a little more comfortable?

Trust me, he does not want to start on the ground floor. I mean, for one, that

floor is made of snakes.

Thor, think about it. You've been here a long time.

If you were going to go down on us, don't you think it would have already

happened? What do you mean?

I'm saying yes.

You've done some bad stuff, but you've been making efforts to improve yourself.

And maybe the universe has taken note. You remember two years ago when Bela's

boyfriend Eric was electrocuted and you saved his life using your ghost power.

Thor, that's one life back in the plus column. You do that a couple more

thousand times, you're pretty much even.

Don't listen to them. We're hell buddies.

And you remember all those years as a ghost when you watched over me as a

girl, comforting me in my times of need. Maybe we've all been given a chance to

learn from our mistakes and become better people.

And no one's done that more than you.

Sorry, life.

But Thor decided to take...

Those chances.

Fine, but know this.

I will not rest until I reap one soul from this house. Believe me when I say

have not seen the last of me.

Morons!

That is the cue. That is always the cue. You have not seen... I get knocked

down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down. God,

it's such a good song.

Isaac.

Something you said got me thinking.

Did you ever actually read the final version of the Declaration of

As a matter of fact, no.

Once I blew my chance to be a part of it, I couldn't bear to look at the

Right, because there's a phrase you said in the story, pursuit of happiness.

Yes, it was something I said in the heat of the moment.

They can't all be winners.

Well, they used it right at the beginning of the Declaration.

What?

Really? Certain unalienable rights.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I used my words.

So I guess you did make your mark on history in kind of a big way.

I guess I did.

What about Russell Kerfuffle? Did that make it in? I'm pretty sure no.

Okay, well, still, Isaac won, Hamilton zero.

Well, I mean, he's on the $10 bill.

Yeah, okay, then it's a draw, which is the best Hamilton's ever done in a duel,

am I right?

Yeah, he died.

Yes, he did.

The wimp.

Whereas I am immortal.

My words live on.

I have to tell the others.

Everyone, I'm famous!

Whereas Hamilton bled out in a field in New Jersey.

Bet he was really ruffled about that.

Can't endorse the pettiness, but love the pun.

If I'm being honest, part of me isn't sure about hiring a publicist.

I know I'm a good chef. Shouldn't that be enough?

Everyone needs a little help sometimes.

I don't know.

It kind of feels like I'm selling my soul.

I completely understand.

You know what?

I'm going to have to think about it.

Take as much time as you need. And when you've made your decision, you know how

to get in touch with me.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.