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[BIRDS CHIRPING]

CONCENTRATION...

[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]

64...

NO REPEATS...

OR HESITATION...

I'LL GO FIRST.

I'LL GO SECOND.

THE TOPIC IS...

THINGS ON A BEACH.

VOLLEY BALLS.

TOWELS.

CRABS.

ALGAE.

SUNGLASSES.

LEMONADE STAND.

SANDCASTLES.

OCEAN.

OCEAN.

SHOOT.

MY SISTER KARENA ONCE TOLD ME

THAT GOD LEAVES A MARK ON EVERYONE.

THE SMALL DENT ABOVE YOUR LIP IS MADE BY GOD'S FINGER

GENTLY PUSHING YOU INTO THE WORLD.

GOD TOUCHES EVERYONE IN DIFFERENT WAYS.

GOD GAVE MY FATHER CROOKED FINGERS,

SO HE HAS NO LUCK.

IF HE HOLDS HIS HAND UP TO THE SUN,

BEAMS OF LIGHT

SHOOT THROUGH THE GAPS BETWEEN HIS FINGERS.

HE CAN'T HOLD ON TO HIS MONEY.

[SPIRITED CONVERSATION IN CANTONESE]

BUT MY UNCLE #8

WAS BORN WITH PLUMP SAUSAGE FINGERS,

AND HE HAS A GOOD-LUCK MONEY FACE.

LUCK IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR MY GRANDMA.

EVERY MORNING, SHE POURS THREE CUPS OF TEA

FOR A GOD WHO NEVER SEEMS TO BE THIRSTY.

I WAS BORN IN 1966 IN THE YEAR OF THE FIRE HORSE,

WHICH OCCURS ONCE EVERY 60 YEARS.

I WAS LUCKY TO BE BORN AT ALL.

A LONG TIME AGO IN CHINA,

NOBODY WANTED A CHILD WHO WAS A FIRE HORSE

BECAUSE OF THEIR STRONG WILL.

SO TERRIFIED WERE THE PARENTS

THAT WHEN THE FIRE HORSES WERE BORN,

THEY WOULD DROWN THE BABY IN THE RIVER.

THE RIVER SWELLED

WITH THE SPIRITS OF UNWANTED HORSES.

[FAINT WHINNYING]

[AXE THUNKING]

AS FOR MY MOTHER,

SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SPIRITS OR SUPERSTITION,

BUT TO THIS DAY,

SHE CAN'T EXPLAIN THE DARK SPIRIT

THAT POSSESSED HER TO PICK UP THE AXE.

[WOOD SPLINTERING]

[MEN SINGING]

WHEN THE NEWS OF MY MOTHER'S PREGNANCY

SPREAD IN THE COMMUNITY,

NOBODY COULD STOP THE OLD LADIES

WHO WERE WHISPERING ABOUT THE TREE CHOPPING.

"WHEN YOU SEVER THE TREE, YOU SEVER THE CORD," THEY SAID.

WHICH ONE MEANS IT'S A GIRL AGAIN?

IT'S A BOY.

MY MOTHER WAS FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT

WHEN MY GRANDMA'S 70th BIRTHDAY CAME.

[PLAYING SCRATCHY CHINESE OPERA MUSIC]

MY AUNTIE #8

ALWAYS MAKES SHRIMP FOR HAPPINESS,

DUMPLINGS FOR LUCK, AND NOODLES FOR LONG LIFE

ON SPECIAL CELEBRATIONS.

WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY ANYTHING BAD

ON THESE DAYS,

OR ELSE WE'LL BRING ON BACK LUCK.

HEY.

THERE ARE ACTUAL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD

WHO NEED MORE FOOD THAN THE GODS.

LIKE HOMELESS PEOPLE.

COLLEEN...

PATTY HEARST'S KIDNAPPERS

ARE DEMANDING THAT HER FATHER GIVE $40

TO EVERY HOMELESS PERSON IN THE CITY.

HE'S SO BOURGEOIS.

OF COURSE HE WON'T DO IT.

WHO CARES ABOUT PATTY HEARST?

[SLURPING]

[UNCLE #8 COUGHING]

[COUGHING]

[WOMAN ON P.A.]: DR. BRUCE, TELEPHONE, PLEASE.

DR. BRUCE, TELEPHONE.

AFTER MY AUNTIE #8 CURSED OUR FAMILY,

MY SISTER AND I WERE WAITING FOR SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN.

...ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN...

[BELL RINGS]

HAVE A GREAT SUMMER.

DON'T FORGET TO WATER YOUR SEEDLINGS.

OH, LOOK, IT'S P.W.T.

AT LEAST MY DAD HAS A JOB.

YEAH, TO PAY FOR ALL THE BOOZE.

HEY, HERE HE COMES!

KNOCK THE TURBAN OFF, MAN. KNOCK IT OFF.

IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL TURBAN.

IT'S JUST A TRAINER TURBAN.

A TURBAN WITH TRAINING WHEELS!

COME ON, LET'S GET HIM!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY SALLY DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.

SHE'S GOT LONG, BLONDE HAIR.

IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S P.W.T.

WHAT'S A P.W.T.?

"POOR WHITE TRASH."

ARE WE POOR WHITE TRASH?

DON'T BE STUPID.

WE'RE NOT WHITE.

IF YOU BREAK A TREE, YOU CAN BREAK A BABY,

BUT IF YOU PLANT A SEED...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M HELPING MY MOM.

IS IT TRUE

YOUR MOM CHOPPED DOWN THE APPLE TREE?

SHE DID.

WHY?

ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET.

I'M SERIOUS.

WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE HIRED A LUMBERJACK OR SOMETHING?

EVERYBODY IN CHINA

CHOPS DOWN THEIR OWN TREE.

THAT'S JUST THE WAY THEY DO IT.

WE'RE NOT IN CHINA.

[KNIFE CHOPPING]

[MOANS SOFTLY]

OH!

[CRIES OUT]

OH!

[SHOUTS IN CANTONESE]

MY BROTHER WAS ALL LIQUID

WHEN HE SHOWED UP IN THIS WORLD.

OVER THE SUMMER,

MY MOTHER COULD BARELY GET OUT OF BED.

SOMETIMES SHE WOULD STARE OUT THE WINDOW

AT THE STUMP.

IT LOOKED LIKE A FIST.

WHERE'S MOMMY?

BUT SHE SAID SHE WOULD BRAID MY HAIR

FOR PICTURE DAY.

BUT SHE PROMISED.

SHE SAID SHE WOULD BRAID MY HAIR.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO IT. I WANT MOMMY TO DO IT.

I DON'T WANT MAH-MAH!

IS IT MOMMY?

WE FORGOT MAH-MAH'S SWEATER.

WHY CAN'T WE GO INSIDE?

BUT I WANT TO TALK TO HER.

I FORGOT

TO GIVE MAH-MAH THE LUCKY CANDY.

IT'S STUPID TO GIVE HER CANDY

ANYWAY.

SHE CAN'T EVEN EAT IT.

WHY NOT?

WHY CAN'T WE GO INSIDE?

SUPERSTITION.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[EVE'S FATHER ANSWERS]

[SOBBING]

[♪]

♪ UNDERNEATH THE STARS I'LL MEET YOU ♪

♪ UNDERNEATH THE STARS I'LL GREET YOU ♪

♪ AND THERE BENEATH THE STARS I'LL LEAVE YOU ♪

♪ BEFORE YOU GO OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL ♪

♪ GO GENTLY ♪

SHE'S GOING TO SMELL.

ALL CORPSES SMELL,

NO MATTER HOW CLEAN YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE ALIVE.

ALL CORPSES ROT AND SMELL,

AND WORMS CRAWL OUT OF THEIR EYES.

SHUT UP.

YOU SHUT UP.

MAH-MAH...

I CLEANED YOUR ROOM FOR YOU.

MY FAMILY BURNED PAPER MONEY

FOR MY MAH-MAH TO SPEND IN THE AFTERWORLD.

I WANTED TO BURN MY BIRTHDAY MONEY,

BUT MY FATHER WOULDN'T LET ME.

YOU CAN'T BURN REAL MONEY.

BA-BA...

CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE GOLDFISH?

IS IT TRUE THAT PEOPLE GET REINCARNATED INTO GOLDFISH?

BA-BA...

CAN I HAVE A GOLDFISH?

YOU'RE SO SELFISH.

DON'T YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT MAH-MAH?

I CARE.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU CRY?

YOU DON'T LOVE MAH-MAH.

[WATER TRICKLING]

[SCRUBBING]

MAH-MAH?

MOMMY...

I SAW MAH-MAH.

BUT I SAW HER.

SHE WAS DOWNSTAIRS.

NO, IT WAS FOR REAL.

SHE WAS WASHING BA-BA'S SHIRT.

DOES MAH-MAH HATE ME?

BUT IT'S BEEN SEVEN DAYS TODAY.

DOES MAH-MAH HATE ME?

[♪]

BYE-BYE.

[CAR RECEDES]

[STEAM HISSING]

[STATIC HUMMING]

♪ GONNA WALK ♪

♪ THROUGH THE STREETS ♪

♪ THROUGH THE STREETS... ♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[DOOR OPENS]

THANK YOU, MOMMY.

I PROMISE.

[GURGLES LOUDLY]

[SCRATCHY CHINESE OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING IN CANTONESE]

EXCUSE ME.

I THINK THIS IS YOURS.

YOU DROPPED IT A WHILE BACK.

THAT'S NOT MINE.

THIS IS THE TIBETAN BOOK OF THE DEAD.

IT TELLS YOU WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU DIE.

YOU COULD BE REBORN AS ANYTHING,

SO YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE NICE

TO YOUR GOLDFISH,

BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW

IF IT WAS SOMEBODY'S GRANDMA ONCE.

THESE ARE THE GODDESSES.

WHEN EVERYONE'S ASLEEP, THEY COME ALIVE,

AND THEY DANCE WITH WILD ABANDON

ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT.

[♪]

AT THE FIRST SIGHT OF DAYLIGHT, THEY FREEZE IN MID-MOTION,

AND THEY STAY FROZEN UNTIL THE FOLLOWING NIGHT.

YES. VERY GOOD, EVE.

VERY...

EXOTIC.

EVE HAS GENEROUSLY SHARED WITH US

SOMETHING ABOUT HER COUNTRY.

THANK YOU, EVE.

OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO START THE LESSON

FOR TODAY.

GODDESSES ARE COOL.

THANKS.

[♪]

HELLO, MA'AM, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

UH...

WAIT A MINUTE.

YEAH?

[SPEAKING CANTONESE]

YES?

OH, WELL...

UM, MY NAME IS FRED.

THIS IS JEFF.

WE'RE GOD'S WITNESSES.

HAVE YOU EVER OPENED YOUR HEART

TO THE LORD?

NO.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO OPEN YOUR HEART

TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR, JESUS CHRIST?

WE'RE NOT BUYING.

SORRY.

OH, WELL, WE, UH...

WE DON'T WANT TO SELL YOU ANYTHING.

IN FACT, WE HAVE A FREE GIFT FOR YOU.

UH, NO, I HAVE TO GO.

WE WANT TO GIVE YOU A BOOK.

A BOOK?

IT'S YOURS TO KEEP.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE.

IS THIS WHAT HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE?

EXACTLY.

[♪]

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ♪

♪ YOU LIVE IN THE SAME WORLD AS I DO ♪

♪ BUT SOMEHOW I NEVER NOTICED YOU... ♪

MY BOOK IS CALLED

LIVING TOGETHER IN HEAVEN ON EARTH.

AUTHOR, GIDEON PUBLISHING.

REPORT BY KARENA ENG.

I LIKED THIS BOOK VERY MUCH,

BECAUSE IT TELLS YOU THAT THERE CAN BE PEACE ON EARTH

IF WE ALL BELIEVED IN JESUS CHRIST.

IF WE ALL BELIEVED IN HIM,

THEN THERE WOULD BE NO MORE WARS,

NO MORE DISEASE,

NO MORE MEAN OR PREJUDICED PEOPLE

IN THE WORLD.

ALL THE BAD PEOPLE WILL BE CAST

OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH,

AND ALL THAT'S LEFT

WILL BE THE GOOD PEOPLE

TO INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

♪ WEREN'T AFRAID THEY'D LAUGH AT ME... ♪

[BELL RINGS]

KARENA...

CAN YOU COME OVER, PLEASE?

THAT'S A VERY INTERESTING BOOK REPORT.

DO YOU HAVE THE BOOK WITH YOU?

HAVE YOU BEEN CARRYING THIS BOOK AROUND WITH YOU?

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

IT WAS A GIFT.

HAVE YOU READ THE ENTIRE BOOK?

YES.

SORT OF.

RELIGION IS A VERY COMPLEX THING.

IT'S NOT ABOUT

CARRYING A BOOK WITH YOU.

IT'S ABOUT FAITH.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT FAITH IS?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO CHURCH?

NO.

I SHOULDN'T REALLY DO THIS,

BUT MY DAUGHTER GOES TO THE SUNDAY SCHOOL.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD

ASK YOUR PARENTS ABOUT IT.

[MEN SINGING IN CANTONESE]

USUALLY, THEY SHOW THE MOVIE AROUND EASTER TIME.

IT'S WHEN CHRIST WAS RESURRECTED

AFTER HE WAS CRUCIFIED,

AND THEN PEOPLE STARTED TO BELIEVE IN GOD

BECAUSE HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD.

IT'S THE HOLIDAY,

WITH THE CHOCOLATE RABBITS.

[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING ON SCREEN]

THAT WAS AMAZING.

IT WAS OKAY.

YOU KNOW WHEN MOSES JOINED THE RED SEA,

AND DROWNED ALL THOSE SOLDIERS?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GOD DROWNED ALL THOSE HORSES TOO.

THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.

[CAR APPROACHING]

[♪]

♪ JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW ♪

♪ FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO ♪

♪ LITTLE ONES TO HIM BELONG ♪

♪ THEY ARE WEAK BUT HE IS STRONG ♪

♪ YES, JESUS LOVES ME ♪

♪ YES, JESUS LOVES ME ♪

♪ YES, JESUS LOVES ME ♪

♪ THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO ♪

NOW, GIRLS,

I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO WELCOME

KARENA AND EVE.

IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME AT SUNDAY SCHOOL?

YES.

WELL, WELCOME.

HAVE YOU GIRLS BEEN BAPTIZED?

NO.

WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO ARRANGE

FOR THOSE AT SOME POINT.

I CAN'T SWIM.

[GIGGLING]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW

HOW TO SWIM, DEAR.

NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU GIRLS LIKE TO LEARN AT SUNDAY SCHOOL?

TO BE A GOOD PERSON.

I WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HEAVEN.

WELL, HEAVEN

IS PARADISE, EVE,

AND IF YOU'RE A GOOD CATHOLIC, YOU'LL GET TO GO THERE ONE DAY.

OR ELSE I COULD GET REINCARNATED INTO A GOLDFISH.

NO, NO.

CATHOLICS DON'T BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION, DEAR.

IS BUDDHA A GOD AS WELL?

UH, BUDDHA IS NOT A GOD.

CATHOLICS ONLY WORSHIP OUR SAVIOUR,

LORD JESUS.

IT'S A SIN TO WORSHIP ANY OTHER GOD.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

OKAY, TODAY I'M READING THE BOOK OF PSALMS,

PSALM I.

"BLESSED IS THE MAN

"THAT WALKETH NOT IN THE COUNSEL OF THE UNGODLY,

NOR STANDETH IN THE WAY OF THE SINNERS."

ARE THE BUDDHA AND JESUS

FRIENDS, MOMMY?

BUT IN THE BIBLE,

IT SAYS ALL BUDDHISTS ARE GOING TO HELL.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HELL?

[CAR PASSING LOUDLY]

IT'S LIKE THIS.

YOU HAVE TO BE ON YOUR KNEES.

YOU HAVE TO GO LIKE THIS.

YOUR FINGERS HAVE TO BE STRAIGHT,

AND THEY HAVE TO BE POINTING TO HEAVEN,

LIKE THIS.

YOU HAVE TO BOW YOUR HEAD.

LOOK DOWN, PAST YOUR HANDS,

ONTO THE FLOOR.

NO, YOU CAN'T TOUCH YOUR HEAD

ON THE FLOOR LIKE A BUDDHIST.

YOUR HEAD HAS TO BE UP,

AND YOU CAN'T MOVE YOUR LIPS

WHEN YOU PRAY.

[♪]

♪ OH, BLESS THE LORD, MY SOUL ♪

♪ HIS PRAISE TO THEE PROCLAIMED ♪

♪ AND ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME JOIN ♪

♪ TO BLESS HIS HOLY NAME ♪

♪ WHOA, YEAH... ♪

I'M SHOT! I'M SHOT!

THEN I FALL TO THE GROUND,

AND I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE,

BUT THEN I FEEL THE BIBLE IN MY FRONT POCKET.

THE BIBLE SAVES MY LIFE.

THE BULLET MAKES IT

ALL THE WAY INTO THE NEW TESTAMENT,

THE BOOK OF PSALMS.

AND THEN THE BIBLE GROWS WINGS,

AND IT FLIES YOU TO MARS.

DON'T BE DUMB. THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

GOD SAVED THE SOLDIER.

♪ PROLONGS THY FEEBLE BREATH ♪

♪ FEEBLE BREATH ♪

♪ HE HEALS THINE INFIRMITIES ♪

♪ AND RANSOMS THEE FROM DEATH ♪

♪ OH, BLESS THE LORD MY SOUL ♪

♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, BLESS THE LORD MY SOUL ♪

♪ HE CLOTHES THEE WITH HIS LOVE ♪

♪ WITH HIS LOVE ♪

♪ UPHOLDS THEE WITH HIS TRUTH ♪

♪ WITH HIS TRUTH ♪

♪ AND LIKE AN EAGLE HE RENEWS... ♪

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[♪]

[♪]

STUPID CHINK!

GET OUT OF HERE, CHINK!

[WATER TRICKLING]

STOP COMPLAINING THAT IT'S TOO COLD.

YOU'RE TOO SKINNY.

[DOOR OPENS]

SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I SAW A VISION.

I SAW MOTHER MARY.

[♪]

THIS IS THE FIRST MEETING

OF OUR NEW CLUB.

THE MISSION OF THIS CLUB

IS TO DO GOOD IN THIS WORLD.

HAIL MARY, FULL OF GRACE,

THE LORD...

AND SO IT CAME TO PASS

THAT MY SISTER AND I BECAME THE GIRLS OF PERPETUAL SORROW.

THE GIRL OF PERPETUAL SORROW WILL DO HER BEST

TO BE SORROWFUL ENOUGH TO BE WORTHY OF THIS TITLE.

WHEN A GIRL OF PERPETUAL SORROW RIDES THE NUMBER 14 BUS,

SHE WILL GIVE UP HER SEAT TO AN ELDERLY PERSON.

A GIRL OF PERPETUAL SORROW

WILL WATCH ALL 14 HOURS THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON,

AND SHE WILL DONATE ALL HER BIRTHDAY MONEY.

SHE WILL WASH THE DISHES WITH HOT WATER,

THE HOTTER THE BETTER, AND SHE MUST NEVER COMPLAIN.

SHE WILL PRAY

FOR ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

SHE WILL SPEND HER WHOLE LIFE DOING GOOD FOR OTHERS.

SHE WILL BECOME A SAINT.

WAIT!

WE HAVE TO SAY GRACE.

BLESS US, O LORD,

AND THESE, THY GIFTS

WHICH WE'RE ABOUT TO RECEIVE

FROM THY BOUNTY.

THROUGH CHRIST, OUR LORD, AMEN.

DAD, HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS OF THE LORD?

JESUS IS GOOD.

♪ IMMACULATE MARY ♪

♪ YOUR PRAISES WE SING ♪

STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP.

EVE, YOU'RE MOVING AROUND TOO MUCH.

BUT I FEEL LIKE IT.

WELL, THIS IS A CHOIR,

AND YOU'RE HERE TO SING.

YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR BODY STILL.

IT HELPS YOUR BREATHING.

OKAY, AND AGAIN.

♪ IMMACULATE MARY ♪

♪ YOUR PRAISES WE SING ♪

♪ YOU REIGN NOW IN HEAVEN ♪

♪ WITH JESUS, OUR KING ♪

♪ AVE, AVE, AVE MARIA ♪

♪ AVE, AVE MARIA ♪

I MOVED A LOT ON MY FIRST DAY TOO.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I'M GOING TO BE A FAMOUS OPERA SINGER ONE DAY,

AND I CAN MOVE ALL I WANT.

IN FACT, MY GRANDMOTHER

ONCE SANG FOR THE EMPEROR OF CHINA,

AND HE FAINTED

BECAUSE HER VOICE WAS SO POWERFUL.

IT'S A SIN TO LIE, YOU KNOW.

IT'S ONE OF THE 10 COMMANDMENTS.

I'M NOT A SINNER.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

WE'RE ALL SINNERS,

ESPECIALLY YOU, BECAUSE YOUR NAME'S EVE.

THE BIBLE IS SACRED.

SEE?

JESUS' WORDS ARE IN ALL RED.

IF YOU TOUCH THE BIBLE,

IT CAN READ ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS,

GOOD AND BAD.

JUST THINKING ABOUT DOING SOMETHING BAD

IS A SIN.

WHAT'S HELL LIKE?

PEOPLE GET BOILED ALIVE

IN A GIANT WOK.

IS MAH-MAH IN HELL?

NO, SHE'S IN LIMBO.

WE HAVE TO INTRODUCE HER TO THE LORD.

WE HAVE TO DO THIS BY DOING GOOD DEEDS.

THAT'S GOING TO BE OUR FIRST MISSION.

JESUS, MEET MAH-MAH.

MAH-MAH, MEET JESUS.

MAH-MAH IS A VERY NICE WOMAN,

AND SHE DESERVES TO BE IN HEAVEN.

SHE'S FLOATING IN SOME LIMBO FISHBOWL

RIGHT NOW.

I HOPE YOU CAN MEET HER ONE DAY.

AS PART OF THE MISSION

OF THE GIRLS OF PERPETUAL SORROW,

YOUR SECOND GOOD DEED

IS TO LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR.

THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO LOVE MR. WICKER.

WHY MR. WICKER?

BECAUSE HE'S OUR CLOSEST NEIGHBOUR.

HE LIVES RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

EVERY NIGHT, YOU HAVE TO PRAY FOR HIM,

AND YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM THE LOOK

THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF THE EVIL EYE.

HOW DO I DO THAT?

SHOOT GOODNESS AT HIM, THROUGH YOUR EYES,

LIKE THIS.

ONE, TWO, THREE...

I CAN'T.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IT. IT'S AGAINST THE BIBLE.

NO, IT'S WRONG.

IT'S A MORTAL SIN!

I ONLY PRAY TO ONE GOD,

AND THAT'S CHRIST, THE GOD ALMIGHTY.

KIM'S MOTHER DOESN'T MAKE HER

BOW TO HER STUPID GOD.

DEAR JESUS...

I'M A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PERSON.

I DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED.

WHY CAN'T I BE PERFECT LIKE YOU?

[SNORING]

KARENA...

I CAN'T SLEEP.

GO BACK TO BED.

YOU'LL WAKE UP MOM.

I WANT TO SLEEP HERE TOO.

IF I TOLD YOU A STORY, WILL YOU GO BACK TO BED?

OKAY.

TELL ME THE STORY OF ADAM AND EVE.

ADAM AND EVE USED TO WALK AROUND NAKED

IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN.

THEN, ONE DAY,

THE SERPENT TRICKS EVE

INTO EATING AN APPLE FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE,

EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO,

SO NOW EVERYBODY HAS TO WEAR CLOTHES

BECAUSE OF HER.

IS EVE A BAD PERSON?

YES, EVE IS A BAD PERSON.

CAN ANYBODY ELSE THINK OF A MIRACLE

THAT JESUS PERFORMED?

YES, BECKY.

HE TOOK TWO FISHES AND A LOAF OF BREAD.

HE TURNED IT INTO ENOUGH FOOD TO FEED THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT OTHER MIRACLES DID HE PERFORM?

A MIRACLE HAPPENED TO MY DAD.

WELL, EVE, WE'RE TALKING

ABOUT MIRACLES BY JESUS, OKAY?

IT HAPPENED IN CALIFORNIA,

AND THAT'S WHY

WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GO BACK THERE,

EVER AGAIN.

WHY NOT?

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY?

TELL US, TELL US.

IT HAPPENED, NOT SO LONG AGO,

THAT MY FATHER WORKED AS A CHEF

IN A WORLD-FAMOUS RESTAURANT IN SANTA CRUZ.

ONE STORMY NIGHT

WHEN HE WAS DRIVING HOME FROM WORK,

A TREE FELL ON HIS CAR.

PEOPLE WERE HELPLESS TO GET HIM OUT,

BUT SUDDENLY, THE DOOR FELL OPEN,

AND MY FATHER EMERGED

WITH BARELY A SCRATCH ON HIS BODY.

THE PEOPLE THOUGHT

THEY'D WITNESSED A MIRACLE.

NOT LONG AFTER THE ACCIDENT,

MY FATHER LEFT CALIFORNIA,

BECAUSE HE KNEW THERE WAS NO MORE LUCK FOR HIM THERE

ANYMORE.

HE HAD USED IT ALL UP.

SINCE THEN,

MY FATHER'S TRAVELLED TO A GREAT MANY PLACES,

BUT HE WILL NEVER SET FOOT IN CALIFORNIA,

EVER AGAIN.

EVE...

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LUCK AND MIRACLES, OKAY?

NOW, CAN ANYONE ELSE TELL US ABOUT A MIRACLE PERFORMED...

BY JESUS?

I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL THAT STORY ANYMORE.

BUT IT'S THE TRUTH.

[LAUGHING WILDLY]

[♪]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

♪ OH, HO, HO, IT'S MAGIC ♪

WHOO-HOO!

♪ YOU KNOW ♪

♪ NEVER BELIEVE IT'S NOT SO ♪

♪ IT'S MAGIC, YOU KNOW ♪

♪ NEVER BELIEVE IT'S NOT SO ♪

♪ NEVER BEEN AWAKE ♪

♪ NEVER SEEN A DAY BREAK ♪

♪ LEANING ON MY PILLOW IN THE MORNING ♪

♪ LAZY DAY IN BED... ♪

THANK YOU, LORD,

FOR GIVING OUR DAD A NEW CADILLAC.

I KNOW IT'S BECAUSE OF US.

WE MADE IT HAPPEN.

WE WILL CONTINUE

TO DO GOOD IN THIS WORLD.

WE PROMISE.

AMEN. AMEN.

SONGS SONG OF SOLOMON.

"THY LIPS ARE LIKE A THREAD OF SCARLET,

"AND THY SPEECH IS COMELY.

"THY TWO BREASTS

"ARE LIKE TWO FAWNS,

"TWINS OF A GAZELLE

"THAT FEED AMONG THE LILIES.

"LET MY BELOVED COME INTO HIS GARDEN

"AND EAT HIS PLEASANT FRUITS.

"YOU HAVE RAVISHED MY HEART WITH A GLANCE OF YOUR EYES.

"LET HIM KISS ME

"WITH THE KISSES OF HIS MOUTH,

FOR THY LOVE IS BETTER THAN..."

YOU'RE SO EMBARRASSING.

I NEED TO GIVE YOU A NEW MISSION.

[KNOCKING]

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

THIS IS FOR YOU.

IT'S COOL.

COME IN.

I CUT THEIR HAIR MYSELF.

I WANT TO BE A HAIRDRESSER

WHEN I GROW UP.

CAN I CUT YOUR HAIR?

NO, THANKS.

CAN I BRAID YOUR HAIR?

[CHINESE OPERA PLAYING FAINTLY]

ALL DONE.

LET'S SEE.

NO. I FEEL SICK.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I DON'T KNOW.

I FEEL WEAK, LIKE SAMSON.

LIKE WHO?

I SHOULD GO HOME.

[CLUNKING]

[EVE]: WHY AREN'T YOU DANCING

WITH WILD ABANDON?

[CLUNKING]

THIS HOUSE...

IS DEPRESSING ME.

THERE'S SO MUCH GUILT.

I'M SORRY.

I KNOW,

BUT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND

HOW I DON'T MUCH FEEL LIKE DANCING.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

WELL, IF I'M NOT DANCING,

I MIGHT AS WELL BE PRODUCTIVE.

WHY DOES BA-BA HAVE TO DO IT?

CAN'T THEY FIND SOMEBODY ELSE?

GOD WILL PROTECT DAD AND UNCLE #8

IF WE DO MORE GOOD IN THIS WORLD.

WE HAVE TO SPREAD THE NEWS OF THE LORD,

AND WE HAVE TO CONVERT SOMEBODY,

AND WE HAVE TO KEEP PRAYING.

[SWITCH CLICKS]

♪ ONWARDS, CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS ♪

[KNOCKING]

♪ MARCHING AS TO WAR ♪

♪ WITH THE CROSS OF JESUS GOING ON BEFORE ♪

♪ CHRIST, THE ROYAL MASTER ♪

♪ LEADS AGAINST THE FOE ♪

♪ FORWARD INTO BATTLE ♪

♪ SEE HIS BANNERS GO ♪

♪ ONWARD, CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS ♪

♪ MARCHING AS TO WAR ♪

IS ANYBODY ELSE COMING?

♪ WITH THE CROSS OF JESUS GOING ON BEFORE ♪

HAW FLAKE?

WHAT'S IT MADE OUT OF?

HAW.

NO, THANKS.

♪ ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS... ♪

YOU HAVE A LOT OF JESUS STUFF.

I HAVE AN EXTRA BIBLE.

DO YOU WANT IT?

NO, THANKS.

HAVE YOU EVER OPENED YOUR HEART

TO THE LORD?

NO.

WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO OPEN YOUR HEART

TO OUR SAVIOUR, THE LORD JESUS CHRIST?

I'M SIKH.

THAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

I'M NOT INTO JESUS.

BUT YOU CAN HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE.

NO, THANKS.

I CAN HELP YOU.

♪ ...WITH THE CROSS OF JESUS GOING ON BEFORE ♪

[EVE]: WHY DOESN'T THE BUDDHA DANCE WITH JESUS ANYMORE?

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES.

TRUTHFULLY,

WE TIPTOE AROUND JESUS

MOST OF THE TIME.

HE LIKES TO THINK

HE'S THE ONLY ONE HERE.

WILL MY DAD BE OKAY?

IT DEPENDS.

YOU GIRLS BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR MISSIONS?

WELL, KARENA COULDN'T CONVERT SURINDER.

IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD FOR BA-BA.

IS MY MAH-MAH STILL IN LIMBO?

PERSONALLY,

I DON'T GO FOR ALL THAT FIRE AND BRIMSTONE CRAP.

BUT IF YOU'RE REALLY WORRIED,

YOU SHOULD TAKE SOME OF THAT PAPER MONEY

AND BURN IT FOR YOUR GRANDMA AND YOUR DAD

SO YOU CAN BARGAIN WITH THE DEVIL.

YOU SHOULD DO IT IN A CHURCH, IN THE HOUSE OF WORSHIP.

"TRUST IN THE LORD, AND DO GOOD,

"SO SHALT THOU DWELL IN THE LAND AND VERILY THOU SHALT BE FED.

"DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD,

AND HE SHALL GIVE THEE THE DESIRES OF THINE HEART."

VERY GOOD, GIRLS.

NOW LET'S TURN TO PAGE 275.

[GIRLS TALKING AND LAUGHING]

[♪]

SISTER AGNES!

THIS IS GOD'S HOUSE, EVE. WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?

YOU KNOW

YOU MUST NEVER PLAY WITH MATCHES.

SHE'S SORRY.

WELL, THERE'S NO REAL DAMAGE DONE,

BUT YOU MUST NEVER, EVER PLAY WITH MATCHES AGAIN.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

EVE IS A TROUBLEMAKER.

EVE IS A TROUBLEMAKER.

I AM NOT.

EVE IS THE MOTHER OF ALL SINS.

GO AWAY.

SHE'S A BIG LIAR.

I'M NOT A LIAR.

YOU LIE ALL THE TIME,

ABOUT YOUR GRANDMA BEING AN OPERA SINGER

AND YOUR FATHER'S ACCIDENT.

HOW SHOULD WE PUNISH HER?

WE'LL MAKE HER SWEAR ON THE BIBLE

TO NEVER LIE AGAIN,

AND IF SHE DOES,

GOD WILL PUNISH HER.

DO IT, EVE.

JUST DO IT, EVE.

DO IT, EVE.

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

REPEAT AFTER ME.

I, EVE ENG...

I, EVE ENG...

SWEAR ON THE BIBLE...

SWEAR ON THE BIBLE...

I WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIE...

I WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIE...

OR ELSE...

IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING SERIOUS.

OR ELSE YOU WON'T GET ANY PRESENTS

FOR CHRISTMAS.

IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE SERIOUS.

OR ELSE...

YOU'LL DIE

NEXT YEAR.

IS THAT YEAR STARTING IN JANUARY,

OR CHINESE NEW YEAR?

WHEN'S THE CHINESE NEW YEAR?

FEBRUARY.

SAY,

"OR ELSE I WILL DIE NEXT YEAR,

STARTING IN FEBRUARY."

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

OR ELSE I WILL DIE NEXT YEAR, STARTING IN FEBRUARY.

NOW, EVE, TELL US THE TRUTH.

DID YOUR FATHER

REALLY HAVE AN ACCIDENT IN CALIFORNIA?

NO.

SEE?

IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH.

[SOBBING]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[DOOR CREAKS]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

BYE-BYE.

BYE.

[♪]

WHICH WINDOW IS IT?

I WANT TO GO HOME.

DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE BA-BA?

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

IT'S MY FAULT THAT MAH-MAH DIED,

IT'S MY FAULT THAT BA-BA IS IN THE HOSPITAL,

AND I SWORE ON THE BIBLE THAT I WOULDN'T LIE.

I KNOW.

I TOLD A LIE.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

[♪]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

HELLO?

YEAH?

OH.

OH.

[KARENA]: IS SOMETHING WRONG?

IS DAD OKAY?

[WATER RUNNING]

YOU HAVE TO DO THIS.

YOU HAVE TO BE BAPTIZED.

I KNOW.

AND YOU HAVE TO BE SERIOUS ABOUT IT.

HOW LONG SHOULD I STAY IN THE WATER?

THE LONGER, THE BETTER.

I PURIFY YOU WITH THIS HOLY WATER.

LET YOUR SINS WASH AWAY.

[SPUTTERS]

STOP IT, EVE.

YOU HAVE TO BE SERIOUS.

YOU HAVE TO STAY DOWN.

[♪]

THAT NIGHT, I SAW THE FIRE HORSES,

THOUSANDS OF FIRE HORSES THAT DROWNED IN THE RIVER.

THEY CAME TO ME.

THEY WERE TALKING TO ME.

THEY WERE COMFORTING ME.

[ORGAN PLAYING A HYMN]

[CHOIR SINGING IN LATIN]

WE HAVE CALLED YOUR CHILD KARENA

TO THIS CLEANSING WATER

THAT SHE MAY SHARE IN THE FAITH OF YOUR CHURCH

AND HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.

BY THE MYSTERY

OF THIS CONSECRATED WATER,

LEAD HER TO A NEW AND SPIRITUAL BIRTH.

WE ASK THIS THROUGH CHRIST, OUR LORD.

AMEN.

AMEN.

AMEN.

THIS IS OUR FAITH.

THIS IS THE FAITH OF THE CHURCH.

WE ARE PROUD TO PROFESS IT

IN CHRIST JESUS, OUR LORD.

AMEN.

AMEN.

THAT NIGHT I DIED IN THE BATHTUB,

KARENA TOLD ME THAT GOD FORGAVE ME OF MY SINS.

SHE SAID IT DIDN'T MATTER IF I DIED FOR AN ETERNITY

OR FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

I BAPTIZE YOU,

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER...

IT STILL COUNTED.

AND OF THE SON...

AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

AND HE ANOINTS YOU WITH THE CHRISM...

OF SALVATION.

[♪]

I'VE PUT ON CHRIST,

AND IN HIM, YOU ARE NOW BAPTIZED.

SOMETIMES,

MY SISTER WILL ASK ME ABOUT THE NIGHT I DIED.

SHE ASKS ME IF I SAW GOD.

I TELL HER I SAW LIGHT,

AND IN THAT LIGHT, I SAW A FACE.

I KNEW IT WASN'T THE FACE OF JESUS OR THE BUDDHA

OR ANYTHING THAT I'VE SEEN BEFORE.

ALL I KNOW

IS THAT I SAW A BRIGHT, WHITE LIGHT...

AND THE LIGHT WAS KIND AND GOOD.

[CHINESE OPERA PLAYING]

[♪]