All language subtitles for 05-Qu

Hollywood.

I'm really standing here at the
crossroads of the movie world.

Hollywood and Vine.

Hollywood, where all the movie stars
live.

And me, Candy Christian.

I'm really here.

Oh, gosh.

It's Christian.

Who? Who are you?

And how did you know my name?

I am compelled to introduce myself.

My name is Johnny Door Opener.

Everyone calls me J .D.

Sally, Mr.

Door Opener.

How did you know who I was?

My business is to know people.

Step inside the restaurant and I will
explain all.

I don't know.

I really shouldn't.

Ah, come on, Miss Christian. We have
been introduced.

Well, okay.

Two more coffees, honey.

Candy, let me introduce myself to you
properly.

Jay Dorfner, sex therapist.

Oh, oh, Megan, former profession.

Oh, read this.

Johnny Doroble, actor's agent and star
maker.

Star maker, that's me.

Gosh. Tell me, Candy, you must be a
model, aren't you?

No, I just got... Well, if you're not a
model, you must be an actress, right?

No, I'm not either.

I just got off the bus from... Candy, do
you realize that fate has brought us

together at this particular...

Thank you. That's service, right?

Candy,

do you realize that fate has brought us
together? This is destiny.

Now, you're a smart chick, right? Right.

So this won't go over your head.

Now, this planetary vibrational force
has been tugging at me to bring us

together this very time and place.

Gee.

This very day.

The 4 ,048th day of the zodiac calendar.

By the way, what month were you born?

June. June. I knew it. I knew it.

The minute I saw you, I said to myself,
you were a Gemini.

Right. This could only happen once in 2
,000 years.

2 ,000 years.

I got something in my eye. Wait.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah. Wait one second.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Candy, let me explain.

You're destined to become a big star.

I can see it all now. I can see the
headlines.

Candy wins Academy Award.

Now I'm the man that's going to make
that possible.

Really? Me?

Oh, gosh.

See, you have plenty of talent.

Look, my office is near. We'll drop by.

Well, okay.

I guess it'll be all right. That's the
spirit, kid. This is the stuff dreams

made of.

Keep the change.

What change?

What are you trying to do? Make me look
bad in front of the bride, huh?

Turkey.

See that?

Sarah Dawson. I made her a star in two
weeks.

Golly. Just two weeks?

I opened those quickly.

In here.

Where are we going?

In here.

Your office isn't here. Yeah?

Hey, I'm not like those other schmucks.
I like to stay close to my talent.

Come on, no one's going to bite you.

Miss Newt America.

Shadow Neva.

Made her famous, too.

Come on, Rob. Let's see this way.

Wait.

Golly, do you know all these people?

These are the people I made famous.

See that guy there?

He used to be a big actor.

Now he's making dirty movies. He started
one last summer. He's still not done.

Here, have a seat.

Tell me, Candy, have you ever heard of
the Dong Show?

No.

Well, it's an amateur show where
newcomers get their start.

Why, uh... Ruth Mall did a first
impression there.

Dinah Snore sang her first song.

Really? This could be your big break.

With a face like yours and such nice,
uh... teeth.

Well, can you sing?

No.

Well, um... I mean, I never really tried
before.

Well, look.

Let's hear a scale.

Do, re, mi, fa, so.

That's great, kids. That's great. Now
let's see if you can dance.

Yes.

Terrific. Natural.

Hello, Chuck.

Look, Chuckie, this is J .D. I got a
girl here who can really sing.

You gotta put her on your show.

What a set of lungs.

Mamma mia.

You can?

Tonight?

That's fantastic. It's great. Hey, no
problem. Look, I'll have her there.

All right. Bye.

Now we gotta practice.

I am a qualified hypnotist.

J.

Door opener.

Used cars?

Johnny Door Opener.

Qualified hypnotist. That's me, kid.

Excuse me, Mr. Door Opener, but... J
.D., kid. J .D.

Right. J .D.

J .D., I really don't see how being a
hypnotist and all can really help

me. I mean, what? With candy.

Your voice needs training. Normally it
would take weeks and much money.

But I can put you under hypnotic trance
and accomplish the same thing in a

single lesson.

Golly, do you really mean it?

Hey, look, it's the Pope Jewish.

You will be a veritable Barbra Streisand
in minutes.

Can we start right away?

Yeah, sure. Here, go right to the couch.

Now, oh, one thing before we start.

Yes? What's your favorite ice cream?

Vanilla. Oh, great.

Now, just relax.

I want you to focus all your attention
on my watch.

I want you to begin counting backwards
from 100.

Now, your eyes will become heavy. Don't
resist.

Let them close.

Listen only for the sound of my voice.

Do exactly as I say.

Now, begin counting.

100.

99.

98.

97. 96.

5.

4.

Some straw stuff.

I have a big vanilla ice cream cone for
you, Candy.

Johnny knows how much you like ice cream
cones.

Now, stick it in your mouth.

Stuck on it.

Isn't that good?

You gotta sing.

You gotta sing.

Let me hear you.

Yeah,

louder, louder.

Louder.

Louder.

You're a marvelous singer, Candy. You
have a great vocal cord.

You love to suck on my... I mean, you
love to suck on my ice cream cone, don't

you, Candy?

I love your ice cream cone.

You love, love, love it in your mouth.

I love it in my mouth.

It's so big, it fills up your whole...
It's so

big, it fills my whole mouth.

Let me hear you hum again.

Thank you.

Um, did you, uh, did you, um, like, uh,
my,

uh, ice cream cone?

I loved your ice cream cone. You did?

It was, uh, vanilla, your favorite.

It's delicious.

Now, candy.

Clap my hands.

You'll have a voice as sweet as candy.

I'm going to catch him.

Shoot me one, Wendy. Come on. I'm going
to catch him.

Do it. Do it.

Almost. Almost. Give me another one.

Give me another one.

Come on, Wendy.

Come on. We can do it.

We'll get one. We'll get one.

That's it.

J .P. Organ has done Wendy Williams.

You rascal.

Why'd you do it, J .P.?

the wrong show. She belongs in
Yellowstone Park.

Thank you, Wendy Williams.

Hey, Wendy,

come on. You gotta leave the stage.

Great stuff. Come on.

You gotta leave the stage.

Okay, now, our next act is a little girl
from Michigan State University with a

voice so fine we call her Granulated
Sugar for short.

Folks, welcome Candy Christian!

The minute

you walked in the joint, I could tell
you...

A man of distinction.

A real big spender.

Good looking.

So fine.

Say, wouldn't you like to know what's
going on in my mind?

So let me get right to the point.

I don't pop my cork for air.

Just because you have such nice ass,
Chucky baby, I'm giving her a big,

succulent 69.

You know what I mean, Chucky?

69? 69 is just so... Okay, Jamie, what
do you got?

Boy, I'll tell you what.

I sure would like a piece of that candy,
so I'm giving her a great big 69

inches. Oh, that was 69, folks! Can you
believe it? That's a high score. Watch

out now. Here comes the killer.

J .P. Organ, what did you do?

What a set of lungs.

Anyone who could sing that much on her
chest deserves a big 69.

the result of bad taste.

My goodness.

You just keep smiling for TBR.

You just keep smiling and the whole
world...

Good stuff.

Good stuff.

Oh, it's the best act in the show.

It's not even in the show.

Mr. Fairass was so nice, he let me spend
the night at his place.

That's great, kid.

You were sensational on the show.

Thanks, J .D.

And thanks also for offering to take
care of my check for me so nobody robs

What are agents for, kid?

I really don't know.

Well, they're to protect their stars.

And you're going to be a star, and I'm
your agent.

Besides, I got another show for you.

Really?

Already? Mm -hmm.

Johnny Parson saw you on the dong show,
and Chuck Brass told him you were dying

at night.

Johnny Parson on the last night show?

The one and only, the man himself.

He's got a spot for you on his show
tonight.

This is the big time, kid.

Before you know it, you'll be in the
movies.

Golly, Mr.

Door Opener, what'll I do?

I don't know another song.

J .D., kid, J .D.

All you have to do is talk.

But what will I talk about?

Anything that comes into your head.

Whatever you like.

But remember, just follow Farson's lead
and do whatever he tells you to do.

Shut down.

Got it, J .T.

Here's the address.

It's in Burbank.

Be there at 7 .30 tonight.

Thanks, J .T.

Oh, J .T., won't I need some cab fare?

Summer, kid.

An agent's duty is to protect his
client's money.

I can't have you wasting it on needless
things like cats.

Gosh, you're right, J .D. I sure am
lucky to have you watch out for me.

Forget it. Just be there promptly at 7
.30. I'm on my way.

Give it all she's got, she's headin' on
the top, she's makin' it big, makin' it

big. Hollywood, she's makin' it big,
makin' it big.

Hollywood, she's makin' it big.

Well, hello, honey. Need a ride?

Gee, yeah.

Well, hop in.

So, where are you going to, honey?

I'm going to Burbank.

I'm going to be on the Johnny Carson
show.

And am I nervous.

Well, I can sure see you got what it
takes.

My name is Samantha. My friends usually
call me Sam.

I'm Candy, Christian.

Nice to meet you, Candy.

Say, what time do you have to be there
anyway?

7 .30, promptly.

Oh, yeah.

You've got lots of time.

Let's go by my place. You know, I used
to be in pictures myself.

I could show you a few tricks, so to
speak.

Nice to meet you.

My pleasure, Candy.

Wow,

Samantha.

You sure do have a beautiful apartment.

Let me fix you a drink, Candy. What will
it be?

Oh, golly. No thanks, Samantha.

I don't drink.

Oh, but everyone in Hollywood drinks.

This is the way you sort of warm up for
the big show, and it, uh... Kind of

helps you get over your nervousness.

Let's toast to your success.

Go on, honey. Drink it all down.

This is what everyone does in Hollywood
when they want to get together and be

friendly. It's kind of an old showbiz
tradition.

Well, then I guess I'll just have to get
used to it.

That's right.

Why don't you come and make yourself
comfortable?

How about some music?

Sure, Samantha, that sounds good.

Gee, Samantha, the music sounds great.

Why don't you sip some more of your
drinks?

Make yourself comfortable.

Gosh, Samantha.

I feel real warm and oozy.

Why don't you come and lie down?

It'll make you feel much better.

That's a good idea.

Oh, but first maybe take your dress off
so you don't wrinkle it for the evening.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Why don't you let me help you?

Let me massage you.

It'll make you feel more relaxed.

Do you like this candy?

Oh my, yes.

That feels nice, Samantha.

Here, why don't you lift up, Candy?

It'll make you feel better.

Make you feel more relaxed.

You'll really enjoy this candy.

This will help you to feel relaxed
candy.

Does this feel good to you, Candy?

It feels nice, Samantha.

Why don't you rest a while now, dear?

I'll awaken you in plenty of time for
the show this evening.

No

need

to worry, Candy. We'll rehearse
everything first.

You just follow my lead.

Gosh, thanks, Mr. Farson.

Fifteen minutes till showtime, Johnny.

Thanks, Eddie. This way, Candy. We'll
rehearse in my dressing room. Was that

the man?

It sure was. I'll introduce him to you
later.

Gee, a real dressing room with a real
star on the door.

I've never been in a real star dressing
room before.

Someday you'll have one of these of your
own, Candy, if you play your cards

right, that is.

What cards, Mr.

Farson? Oh, I'm speaking metaphorically,
Candy.

You have natural assets that will help
you go far.

Your smile, your natural warmth.

My warmth?

Yes, you're becoming part of a great
family, the family of show business.

one big family, every one of us. Men,
women, boys and girls, all part of a

tradition. Gee.

We have a duty, Candy.

And that duty is to serve our fellow
man, to bring a little light into his

a little cheer.

Gosh, Mr. Barson, I never realized how
noble and unselfish show business was.

It kind of... chokes me up.

A little bit.

It often gets me up, too.

Let me propose a toast to you.

The first night of your new career.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Parsons.

I have an outfit here that I want you to
wear tonight.

You do?

Drink up.

What size are you, Candy?

Seven.

Oh,

I think you look lovely in this.

Why don't you try this on, Candy?

Thanks, Mr. Farson.

But where will I change?

Right here.

Right here?

In front of you?

Big star?

Oh, sure.

This is showbiz. Just ignore me. I see
chorus fills changing all the time.

Here, let me help you.

Well, that looks lovely.

The panties, too.

This outfit has its own.

But... I think you're just right.

Mr. Farson, these panties don't have any
bottom in them.

It's the in thing here in Hollywood,
Candy.

Go ahead. Try them on.

That is nice.

I think you'll be a smash on the show
tonight.

Now, Candy, there's an old show business
tradition we need to pay homage to.

There is?

Yes. Just don't move.

Mr. Farson. This is a nice tradition.

I think I like show business.

That feels nice, Mr. Barson.

Now, Candy, you do me.

Oh, that's nice candy.

So good at that.

Oh, that is nice.

A little faster.

Go on.

You gonna be a star yet, kid?

Why don't you lay down?

You'll be more comfortable there, can't
you?

Just make yourself comfortable.

To give from one's breast fully,
Kennedy, is not merely a duty prescribed

outmoded superstition.

It is a beautiful and thrilling
experience.

Gee, Mr. Farson, that sounds exciting.

Yes, I've seen the wonders of the world,
Candy, but none of them compare to the

human breast.

It is the breast that prepares man for
the turmoil of the world.

Golly, do you really mean it?

Yes, Candy. Now hold them closer and
tighter together so I may feel your

warmth.

Like that?

That's good.

That's a little tighter.

That's... Oh, that feels good.

Boy,

you're going to be great on the show,
Candy.

A little bit tighter.

I know someone who can do something
really big for you.

He'll get you on every show in the
country.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, that's good.

From beautiful downtown Bergen, it's The
Last Night Show starring Johnny Farson.

I met the man here with Doc Reppinson.

And now, here's Johnny.

Here's Johnny.

I'm coming.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Certainly exciting.

And... Oh!

Hey!

Here's Johnny!

There I came. I mean, I'm coming.

And because they were running late, I
didn't get on the show.

Ah, don't feel bad, kid.

After all, Farson must have liked you.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked you to

spend the night at his penthouse, right?

Hmm. Maybe you're right.

He did give me this dress.

See? I have nothing to worry about.
That's my job.

I'll get you on the show again.

Besides, we have other things that are
more important today.

I've got you an audition with Samuel
Golddicker, Hollywood's biggest

What's he produce?

Movies, sweetheart, movies.

Haven't you ever heard of Gone with the
Wind?

He produce that?

Nah.

Turn that down. That's how big of a
producer he is.

And he knows talent when he sees it,
too.

He used to be a big actor himself one
time until some smart -ass kid came

from one of those method acting schools
and took his place.

Anyway, he's making this movie, see?

And it's sure to be a big hit.

And he says a part there calls for a
girl of your dimension.

And he wants you to come right over.

Right now?

But, J .D., what'll I do?

Don't you think I better go over the
script or something?

I'm not prepared.

Now, don't worry about a thing. I don't
want to go over the lines with you

personally.

Here. Here's this card.

Now, scoot.

Traffic's late at this hour.

Okay. I'll pick you up later.

He must be Johnny Door Opener's new
discovery. Step right in.

Gosh, all you Hollywood people have such
big homes. Yes, well, step right this

way.

The movie you'll be auditioning for is
called Something's Got to Happen.

And you'll have the starring role
opposite Dean Martin.

Dean Martin?

Really?

Yes, it's a big part.

And you'll have to do a nude scene.

Mr. Golddicker, I don't know.

Well, it'll be shot in a swimming pool,
and no one will be able to tell that

you're naked.

It's no big thing.

However, for the purposes of makeup, I
must ask you to take off your clothes.

But, but, Mr. Golddicker, I feel so, so

embarrassed. Surely you've auditioned
before.

Stand to procedure.

Every star that's come before you has
done it, and they will continue to do it

long after you are gone. So, let's get
on with it.

Young lady, my time is valuable, and I'd
be getting too tired, so

please, please.

nice candy.

Very, very nice.

Spread these legs a bit here.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, yes, I'm sure you'll be very
photogenic.

Well, now that we've passed this test,
let's go on to the screen test.

I don't think... I don't think I've ever
had one of those before.

Well, it's really quite simple,
actually. You see, those video cameras

up to record all the action.

Just like real movie cameras.

This way I can see just how well you
come off on screen.

Oh, now I understand.

Yes, okay, so let's take a seat over
here.

Move back just a bit, please.

Thank you.

Okay, you play the girl's part, page 92.

Back just a bit.

Is that good?

I must.

You are the only man for me.

No man can ever be handsomer.

No man can ever be stronger.

No man can ever satisfy me the way you
do.

Oh, Dicker.

The script, Pandy, the script.

Oh,

Sam,

you're so big.

You're so fulfilling.

all the way?

More emphasis, Candy.

More desperation in your voice.

Tell me how bad you want me.

Tell me how much it hurts.

Oh, you love it, Candy.

Tell me how much you love it.

Yes, but I love... Remember, Candy, the
cameras are rolling.

Don't mess up this scene.

all the way. What?

get the part?

Absolutely.

Hi.

How's the test?

Great, great.

Good.

I'm not supposed to do this.

That's the best broad I ever brought
you. Come on.

I've got to confer with my accountant on
this.

Fuck your accountant.

I already did, and she was... Come on,
give me, give me, give me, give me.

Here,

have a toothpick.

Hey, it's a perfectly good toothpick.
What's the matter?

Bye, Mr.

Golddigger.

Sweetheart, you're gonna be a big star.

That side really is my best side.

Well, I hope you were nice to Mr.
Golddicker.

He said I got the part, J .D. He did,
huh?

Hey, that's great. See, everything's
happening for you.

Now look, tonight we're going to a big
Hollywood party.

Big Hollywood party. Everybody's ever...

Heard about in the movies or seen on TV
will be there. Everybody. Big party.

Maybe I ought to get your hair done.

Gee, J .D., a real Hollywood party?

The biggest.

Champagne, your dirt, everything?

Yeah. And everything?

See this guy's place?

I got him his first big break on TV.

You did?

Yeah. Here's a couple of bucks.

How about it?

I got some auditions at the office.

Now just take your time. When you're
done... Walk over to the office. It's

around the corner.

Okay. See you later.

Hasta luego.

He sure is a hard worker.

Yeah, oh Sensational sweetheart, I'm
gonna show you some moves every good

every great singers gotta have great
moves

Sweetheart, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Close your eyes.

Now open them.

Oh,

you have great moves, kid. Great

moves.

Great moves. Great legs.

He'd be in another Julian house before
he knew it.

Good grief!

Candy cover your eyes!

I'm auditioning here.

Did I dance all right, Mr. Door Opener?
Just fine, just fine.

Don't forget, the address of the party
tonight, 830 Sharpe.

Okay.

Candy, you look beautiful.

I should send you to that beauty parlor
every day.

Hey, we're gonna go to this party
tonight. You're gonna meet all the big

all the big shots. You're gonna be in
the movies before you know it. All the

people you want to meet are gonna be
there today.

Oh, gosh.

We're gonna have so much fun.

You mind? Oh, come on.

Please.

uh huh

Thank you.

Okay.

Oh.

Thank you.

Better run. Better run. Get it. Stop it.

Thank you.

uh uh

Thank you.

Come on.

Wow.

What?

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

Oh.

Thank you.

Go to rest.

Good. Great.

Pay no attention.

This is an old Hollywood tradition.

Cast and friends get together before a
big shoot. Come on, let's have a drink.

Come on, come on, come on.

Isn't that Rocky Stallion, the big
Academy Award winner over there?

That's him. Hey, Rock, a little bit.

Hey, J .D., what's happening?

Oh, it's empty. Here.

Isn't that Johnny Farson from the last
night show?

That's him. He gets around. Is he with
him? Sarah Gossett. The one you made

famous in two weeks? Two weeks, two
weeks.

Is that Chuck Beres from the gong show?
How's it going, Johnny?

Oh, pretty good. How's yourself?

All right.

I haven't heard from you in quite some
time.

Well, I've been busy, you know.

Yeah, we'll see. Busy season.

Well, I think I'll go to the powder room
and enjoy your drink.

I'll be back.

Don't buy any fish.

I don't have any intentions to.

Who was that?

I don't know. I think she works here.

You'll excuse me, Johnny.

I have to go to the powder room, too.

No problem. Hurry back.

Is that Ed, the man?

Yeah, out cold.

Hurry back.

I see you came in with Johnny Door
Opener.

Yeah. He's helping me with my career.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. He got me this fabulous part.

Up as a Dean Martin in Samuel
Golddicker's new movie.

You're full of shit, honey.

I got that part.

Well, you're both wrong because I got
that part last week. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I got a part there, too.

Well, you can kiss that part goodbye
because when I get through with you...

Wait, wait.

Girls, there's no sense in this.

I'm sure Mr.

Door Opener can straighten it all out.

Yeah. Let's go have a little talk with
Mr. Carter. Yeah, right now.

There he is.

You too, Tom. Who got that part in the
gold digger's picture?

Well, you got the part, baby.

She got the part? Yeah.

No, you got the part. I screwed him
twice for that part.

Yeah.

a year.