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1
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,598
And they wonder why
those of us in our twenties...
2
00:00:24,798 --> 00:00:27,096
refuse to work
an 80-hour week...
3
00:00:27,296 --> 00:00:30,492
just so we can afford
to buy their BMWs...
4
00:00:30,527 --> 00:00:32,555
why we aren't interested...
5
00:00:32,590 --> 00:00:35,088
in the counterculture
that they invented...
6
00:00:35,287 --> 00:00:38,284
as if we did not see them
disembowel their revolution...
7
00:00:38,319 --> 00:00:40,749
for a pair
of running shoes.
8
00:00:40,784 --> 00:00:43,330
But the question remains...
9
00:00:43,365 --> 00:00:45,842
what are we going to do now?
10
00:00:45,877 --> 00:00:49,972
How can we repair all the damage
we inherited?
11
00:00:50,007 --> 00:00:53,968
Fellow graduates,
the answer is simple.
12
00:00:54,003 --> 00:00:55,367
The answer is...
13
00:01:06,456 --> 00:01:08,404
The answer is...
14
00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:10,352
I don't know.
15
00:01:20,042 --> 00:01:22,040
Good save, Lelaina.
16
00:01:23,139 --> 00:01:26,186
I'm not a valedictorian,
but I play one on TV.
17
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:29,232
We all know you slept your way
to the podium.
18
00:01:35,326 --> 00:01:38,088
My favorite part about
graduating now would be...
19
00:01:38,123 --> 00:01:41,120
dodging my student-loan officer
for the rest of my life.
20
00:01:41,155 --> 00:01:42,584
He will be in cahoots...
21
00:01:42,619 --> 00:01:44,617
with the Columbia
Record and Tape Company guy...
22
00:01:44,652 --> 00:01:48,413
who's been after my ass
for years.
23
00:01:48,513 --> 00:01:51,110
Troy Dyer, I brought you back
a souvenir.
24
00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:52,109
Ah...
25
00:01:52,209 --> 00:01:55,106
You know, you can still go back
next year and graduate...
26
00:01:55,206 --> 00:01:56,604
still get your BFA.
27
00:01:56,704 --> 00:02:00,600
Oh, can I? And then I can hang
this on my rearview mirror...
28
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:04,097
to brag to all my good buddies
back home that I graduated.
29
00:02:04,197 --> 00:02:06,794
Well, I through
with the whole life drama.
30
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:12,488
Well, I know
this sounds cornball...
31
00:02:12,688 --> 00:02:17,983
but I'd like to somehow make
a difference in people's lives.
32
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:23,577
And I... I would like
to buy them all a Coke.
33
00:02:24,576 --> 00:02:27,538
And you wonder
why we never got involved.
34
00:02:27,573 --> 00:02:30,070
Three words... November sixteenth
nineteen-ninety...
35
00:02:30,105 --> 00:02:31,886
Oh, totally drunk
and out of my mind!
36
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,793
It would have been
a poetic experience...
37
00:02:33,828 --> 00:02:36,244
if I weren't such a gentleman,
which I am.
38
00:02:36,279 --> 00:02:38,662
Just let it go, Dyer.
Surrender the fantasy.
39
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,658
Hey, Sammy,
what's your goal?
40
00:02:42,692 --> 00:02:44,356
My goal is to...
41
00:02:45,654 --> 00:02:48,152
Like a career or something.
42
00:02:55,644 --> 00:02:58,641
Lainie, I think the moment
has been appropriately captured.
43
00:02:58,676 --> 00:03:01,638
Would you please take your face
out of the camera?
44
00:03:01,673 --> 00:03:04,136
Come on.
It's for my documentary.
45
00:03:04,171 --> 00:03:05,534
Her...
46
00:03:07,532 --> 00:03:08,931
Documentary.
47
00:03:12,028 --> 00:03:13,826
Think fast.
48
00:03:18,821 --> 00:03:20,619
Here's the deal.
49
00:03:20,719 --> 00:03:23,116
I'm going to take Sam
against his will...
50
00:03:23,216 --> 00:03:25,664
and straighten him out
because I truly believe...
51
00:03:25,699 --> 00:03:28,111
that if we can get two women
on the Supreme Court...
52
00:03:28,146 --> 00:03:30,409
we can get at least one
on you, Sam.
53
00:03:32,706 --> 00:03:34,704
I'm Superman.
54
00:03:35,703 --> 00:03:37,701
-I can fly.
-She's toast.
55
00:03:37,736 --> 00:03:38,665
Aah!
56
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:41,098
Quick, Vickie.
What's your social security?
57
00:03:41,198 --> 00:03:45,094
Uh... 851-25-9357.
58
00:03:45,194 --> 00:03:46,992
Very impressive.
59
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:49,989
It's the only thing
I really learned in college.
60
00:03:53,186 --> 00:03:57,246
Sometimes I get that
"not so fresh" feeling.
61
00:03:57,281 --> 00:04:01,177
Conjunction junction,
what's your function?
62
00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:05,140
Hooking up words
and phrases and clauses
63
00:04:05,175 --> 00:04:09,670
Conjunction junction,
how's that function?
64
00:04:09,705 --> 00:04:14,164
Got three favorite cars
that get most of my...
65
00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:31,147
Honey, honey. No, no, no.
66
00:04:40,038 --> 00:04:42,101
Is yours good?
67
00:04:42,136 --> 00:04:44,134
It doesn't seem fresh.
68
00:04:44,169 --> 00:04:45,932
I'm sorry.
69
00:04:50,627 --> 00:04:52,990
Well, I guess
it's about time...
70
00:04:53,025 --> 00:04:55,322
for me to give you
your graduation present, huh?
71
00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:59,083
Your... gas card.
72
00:04:59,118 --> 00:05:00,817
I'll pay that bill for one year.
73
00:05:01,016 --> 00:05:04,113
And since Helen Anne's got
herself a brand-new Infinity...
74
00:05:04,213 --> 00:05:06,111
we're gonna give you
her old BMW.
75
00:05:06,211 --> 00:05:08,409
You can pick it up
at our house.
76
00:05:08,444 --> 00:05:12,670
-BMW? BMW?
-Yeah.
77
00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:15,701
Tom, didn't you listen
to her speech today?
78
00:05:15,736 --> 00:05:17,766
She didn't want a BMW.
79
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:19,762
Mom, I'll handle this.
80
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,261
I'm not gonna sit here
and listen again...
81
00:05:21,296 --> 00:05:23,793
to some strange ethical argument
about a damn car.
82
00:05:23,993 --> 00:05:25,741
Now, it's got four wheels.
It runs well.
83
00:05:25,776 --> 00:05:27,489
And, little darling,
after you've been...
84
00:05:27,524 --> 00:05:29,005
in the real world
for a while...
85
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,451
you're gonna appreciate
that car.
86
00:05:30,486 --> 00:05:32,584
Yeah. Just think of all those
starving children in Africa...
87
00:05:32,784 --> 00:05:34,582
who don't even have cars.
88
00:05:34,782 --> 00:05:36,480
Troy, does your father
give you gifts like that?
89
00:05:36,515 --> 00:05:37,544
Mom.
90
00:05:37,579 --> 00:05:40,077
Well, actually, my father's
dying of prostate cancer...
91
00:05:40,276 --> 00:05:42,674
so I don't really trouble him
much for gifts.
92
00:05:46,570 --> 00:05:48,633
See, Tom.
93
00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:51,515
You don't want a BMW.
Tell him, Lelaina.
94
00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:54,327
Charlane, she can
make up her own mind.
95
00:05:54,362 --> 00:05:58,458
Dad, don't talk to her that way.
She's not a child.
96
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,156
Well, she married one.
97
00:06:02,454 --> 00:06:03,453
What?
98
00:06:05,451 --> 00:06:08,448
All right. Excuse me.
Come on, come on.
99
00:06:08,483 --> 00:06:10,446
Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW...
100
00:06:10,546 --> 00:06:13,443
until I can afford to buy
a regular car myself, OK?
101
00:06:13,478 --> 00:06:15,358
OK, Mom?
102
00:06:15,393 --> 00:06:17,204
Please?
103
00:06:17,239 --> 00:06:18,837
Mom, please, come on.
104
00:06:27,828 --> 00:06:30,525
Get a Ford.
105
00:06:58,796 --> 00:07:03,541
SINGING:
Just to float on the sea
106
00:07:03,576 --> 00:07:08,287
Find myself on a page of history
107
00:07:09,785 --> 00:07:12,582
You know, as I ride along
108
00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:15,744
I can always hear the song
109
00:07:15,779 --> 00:07:21,273
about you
and where you're meant to be
110
00:07:22,772 --> 00:07:26,218
Well, you're gonna
tell me the answers
111
00:07:26,253 --> 00:07:29,665
I'll know when you
come back to me
112
00:07:41,153 --> 00:07:47,547
If we should fall,
love will catch us every time
113
00:07:47,646 --> 00:07:51,243
I hear you call, I will run
114
00:07:52,741 --> 00:07:58,435
And if the magic
of the adventure overcomes
115
00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:03,231
We won't cry,
because it could be fun
116
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:09,524
Well, I'm gonna
tell you the answers
117
00:08:09,559 --> 00:08:13,520
You'll know when you
come back to me
118
00:08:29,404 --> 00:08:34,564
Gonna be all right
119
00:08:34,599 --> 00:08:37,196
When you come back to me
120
00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:20,217
Good morning!
121
00:09:20,252 --> 00:09:22,250
Good morning!
122
00:09:22,285 --> 00:09:24,613
Ha ha ha ha!
123
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:27,245
Yes. Good morning,
ladies and... gentleman!
124
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,642
I see a gentleman
right over there!
125
00:09:29,677 --> 00:09:31,705
Good morning!
126
00:09:31,740 --> 00:09:33,703
Good morning!
Boy, I tell you...
127
00:09:33,738 --> 00:09:36,485
it is a good morning
with this audience.
128
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,125
Ha! Well, today,
for all you dieters...
129
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,730
guiltless goodies
from chef Skinny Ninny.
130
00:09:41,765 --> 00:09:44,692
Whoa. Mmm!
131
00:09:44,727 --> 00:09:46,690
And we'll also be visiting
with a man...
132
00:09:46,725 --> 00:09:50,122
right here from Houston
who is battling Alzheimer's.
133
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,517
A beautiful
and touching story...
134
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,079
of the triumph
of the human spirit.
135
00:09:57,114 --> 00:10:00,111
He's so cheesy, I can't
watch him without crackers.
136
00:10:00,311 --> 00:10:02,409
Now let's take a peek
inside our "Video View"...
137
00:10:02,609 --> 00:10:06,005
and see what we have
in store for today.
138
00:10:08,203 --> 00:10:09,567
It's a special report
139
00:10:09,602 --> 00:10:12,898
on children's
birthday party themes...
140
00:10:12,933 --> 00:10:14,362
taped on location...
141
00:10:14,397 --> 00:10:16,460
at 8-year-old
Davy Robbins' party...
142
00:10:16,495 --> 00:10:20,291
exclusively for our
"Video View" collection.
143
00:10:20,326 --> 00:10:22,653
Ha ha ha!
144
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:26,185
So... come sit with me.
145
00:10:26,385 --> 00:10:29,781
Relax.
Have a cup of joe.
146
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:33,477
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
147
00:10:34,776 --> 00:10:38,972
Well, anyway, it's gonna be
a good day. Good morning!
148
00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:42,468
You're beautiful.
149
00:10:47,663 --> 00:10:49,361
We're clear.
150
00:10:52,858 --> 00:10:54,256
Am I here to amuse you,
Miss Pierce?
151
00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:55,820
Am I here to make you laugh?
152
00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:57,353
Is that the real reason
I'm on this show?
153
00:10:57,388 --> 00:10:58,819
Mr. Gubler, when I prepare
your note cards...
154
00:10:58,853 --> 00:11:00,351
you're supposed to get
your own espresso.
155
00:11:00,386 --> 00:11:01,816
Didn't you get
my "espress yourself" memo?
156
00:11:01,851 --> 00:11:03,247
I don't have time
for your little mind games.
157
00:11:03,282 --> 00:11:04,810
I'd like to remind you...
158
00:11:04,845 --> 00:11:06,808
that we're laying people
off around here.
159
00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:09,840
I can find an intern who will do
your job for free like that.
160
00:11:18,731 --> 00:11:21,029
SINGING:
I been locked out
161
00:11:21,064 --> 00:11:23,292
I been locked in
162
00:11:23,327 --> 00:11:27,287
But I always seem
to come back again
163
00:11:27,322 --> 00:11:30,484
And the view, when I look
from my window...
164
00:11:30,519 --> 00:11:32,717
Oh, that's a much better size.
That looks great.
165
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,814
That would go really well
with the EZ-Fits.
166
00:11:35,849 --> 00:11:38,811
So... Oh, buttoning it up.
That's even better.
167
00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,906
Yeah, roll 'em right up.
168
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,903
It's liberating, isn't it?
169
00:11:49,899 --> 00:11:52,796
I bought
a toothbrush, some toothpaste
170
00:11:52,896 --> 00:11:55,194
A flannel for my face
171
00:11:55,294 --> 00:11:57,791
Pajamas, a hairbrush
172
00:11:57,891 --> 00:12:00,089
new shoes, and a case
173
00:12:00,124 --> 00:12:03,253
I said to my reflection
174
00:12:03,288 --> 00:12:06,383
Let's get out of this place
175
00:12:07,481 --> 00:12:10,279
Past the church and the steeple
176
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:12,277
The laundry on the hill
177
00:12:13,375 --> 00:12:16,472
Murder, there's one committed
each 7 seconds.
178
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:21,467
Hello. I got cut off.
I'm sorry.
179
00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:25,363
Tempted by the fruit of another
180
00:12:25,398 --> 00:12:26,262
Waa waa
181
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,659
Hello? What?
182
00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:33,255
Tempted, but the truth
is discovered
183
00:12:37,851 --> 00:12:40,448
No, no, no.
Listen, he needs us, OK?
184
00:12:40,483 --> 00:12:43,045
If he makes videos,
we show them, OK?
185
00:12:43,145 --> 00:12:45,942
It's symbiotic. It's like
a "chicken or the egg?"
186
00:12:45,977 --> 00:12:48,640
It's both of them
working together.
187
00:12:48,739 --> 00:12:51,736
Yeah, uh-huh.
Well, let me tell you something.
188
00:12:51,836 --> 00:12:54,134
No, no, no.
I'm not scared of...
189
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:55,682
Jesus!
190
00:12:55,717 --> 00:12:57,131
Aah!
191
00:12:57,231 --> 00:12:59,129
MAN ON TELEPHONE:
Michael, don't laugh at me.
192
00:12:59,229 --> 00:13:00,128
What?
193
00:13:00,228 --> 00:13:03,824
No, I'm in an accident.
I got in an accident.
194
00:13:03,859 --> 00:13:05,322
Yeah, I'm fine.
195
00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,121
No. I'll call you back,
all right?
196
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,484
I'm gonna call you...
197
00:13:08,519 --> 00:13:10,417
When you said
you would sue...
198
00:13:10,452 --> 00:13:12,280
Well, it's not
really my idea.
199
00:13:12,315 --> 00:13:14,713
It's just I got my lawyer guy
telling me, you know...
200
00:13:14,748 --> 00:13:16,676
something, like,
about my rates or...
201
00:13:16,711 --> 00:13:20,507
Right. You mean, like sue
in a courtroom for money?
202
00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:21,706
I don't even know...
203
00:13:21,806 --> 00:13:23,304
because I've never really
done anything like this before.
204
00:13:23,404 --> 00:13:24,503
I mean, do you have
a lawyer or something?
205
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:27,700
No, I don't have a lawyer.
I don't have a dentist.
206
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,297
I'm... You know, I make
four-hundred dollars a week.
207
00:13:30,332 --> 00:13:32,060
What do you do?
208
00:13:32,095 --> 00:13:34,792
Well, at the moment,
I'm working...
209
00:13:35,891 --> 00:13:37,490
I'm sorry.
I just... I got to...
210
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:40,986
Hello.
211
00:13:42,185 --> 00:13:43,948
Yeah. What is it?
212
00:13:43,983 --> 00:13:45,546
You know, I don't care...
213
00:13:45,581 --> 00:13:47,779
if she does twelve books
of herself naked, OK?
214
00:13:47,879 --> 00:13:48,943
It doesn't...
215
00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:50,976
That's Dr. Zaius
from "Planet of the Apes. "
216
00:13:51,011 --> 00:13:52,474
Oh.
217
00:13:52,674 --> 00:13:54,173
I'm sorry. No.
Someone else is in here.
218
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,971
Yeah? Well, let her
say that to me.
219
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,867
-No, don't do that.
-Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
220
00:13:59,902 --> 00:14:01,582
No, no. You can...
That's all right...
221
00:14:01,617 --> 00:14:03,263
I was... Go ahead.
You want to touch it?
222
00:14:03,298 --> 00:14:04,462
It's all right.
Yeah. No, go ahead.
223
00:14:04,497 --> 00:14:06,325
No, I was talking to...
224
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:10,156
Look, can I talk to you later?
Can we... When? OK. OK.
225
00:14:10,191 --> 00:14:13,353
Um... OK.
226
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,752
Um... uh...
227
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:19,212
You know what?
Just forget it.
228
00:14:19,247 --> 00:14:21,045
Really, just forget
the whole thing...
229
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,808
because it was probably
my fault anyway.
230
00:14:22,843 --> 00:14:25,341
And I'll get in trouble,
and it just doesn't...
231
00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:27,304
And you seem very sweet.
232
00:14:27,339 --> 00:14:29,437
And you seem to like Dr. Zaius.
233
00:14:29,537 --> 00:14:30,935
Oh. Ha ha.
234
00:14:32,234 --> 00:14:34,132
-Oh, no.
-That's...
235
00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:36,994
I'm sorry.
236
00:14:37,029 --> 00:14:40,126
That's... He was just
a collector's... No big...
237
00:14:40,161 --> 00:14:41,489
Well, we can...
238
00:14:41,524 --> 00:14:43,188
-You know what?
-No, here's his head.
239
00:14:43,223 --> 00:14:46,919
It's really... you know...
I think he's gone.
240
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:50,016
I'm, like, ruining
your whole life here.
241
00:14:50,116 --> 00:14:52,278
No, no, you're not. Really.
242
00:14:52,313 --> 00:14:54,511
Just don't... Just don't
touch anything else...
243
00:14:54,611 --> 00:14:56,409
and I think we'll be fine.
244
00:14:58,008 --> 00:15:01,005
Michael Grates, vice president
regional programming...
245
00:15:01,039 --> 00:15:03,019
"In Your Face" TV.
We've seen it.
246
00:15:03,054 --> 00:15:04,965
It's like MTV,
but with an edge.
247
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,398
-Yeah. So, is it a date?
-Yeah, yeah.
248
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:09,296
-Dinner?
-Coffee.
249
00:15:09,396 --> 00:15:12,293
-Coffee or cappuccino?
-He ended up saying decaf.
250
00:15:12,393 --> 00:15:15,290
Oh, no. Early night.
Is there any precoffee activity?
251
00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:16,689
Um... I don't think so.
252
00:15:16,788 --> 00:15:19,286
Did he ask you to go out
or to hang out?
253
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:20,684
Go out.
He definitely said go out.
254
00:15:20,784 --> 00:15:22,483
Hey.
How are you doing?
255
00:15:22,518 --> 00:15:24,645
-Oh, shit.
-What?
256
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,078
I forgot to tell you something.
257
00:15:27,113 --> 00:15:29,041
Are you out of your mind?
258
00:15:29,076 --> 00:15:31,374
Oh, my god. Lainie, he just got
fired from the newsstand.
259
00:15:31,409 --> 00:15:33,671
He needs a place to stay
till he can find a new job...
260
00:15:33,706 --> 00:15:35,170
and get his own place.
261
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:37,268
Vickie, that's the American
dream of the nineties.
262
00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:38,831
That could take years.
263
00:15:38,866 --> 00:15:40,864
Look at it like a built-in
security system.
264
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,227
We'll have a man
around the house.
265
00:15:42,262 --> 00:15:44,760
We'll have a hall monitor.
That's what we'll have.
266
00:15:44,795 --> 00:15:47,257
I don't even know if this is
allowed in the building.
267
00:15:47,292 --> 00:15:49,855
It's not like Mr. Roper's
gonna burst in.
268
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:51,818
I'll just stay on the couch.
269
00:15:51,853 --> 00:15:54,850
Vickie,
he will turn this place...
270
00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:57,647
into a den of slack.
271
00:15:58,746 --> 00:16:00,244
What the hell is your problem?
272
00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:04,740
I have to work around here,
and unfortunately, Troy...
273
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:07,602
you are a master
at the art of time suckage.
274
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:09,734
Oh, well, I'm sorry, miss poster
girl for the workers party...
275
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:12,332
but until I get that toehold
in the burger industry...
276
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:13,695
I got a little time to suck.
277
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:16,727
I'd rather check into a shelter
than deal with her shit.
278
00:16:16,827 --> 00:16:19,524
I know how much you
love to mainline in misery here.
279
00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:20,688
But you don't have to.
280
00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:24,719
I can get you a job interview
at my dad's plant.
281
00:16:24,754 --> 00:16:26,617
What is that?
Part of my lease agreement?
282
00:16:26,717 --> 00:16:29,015
It's either that
or a credit check.
283
00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:31,113
It's cool, Troy.
You can stay.
284
00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:32,476
Welcome to the maxi pad.
285
00:16:32,511 --> 00:16:34,474
Yeah,
with the new dry-weave...
286
00:16:34,509 --> 00:16:38,305
it actually pulls moisture
away from you. It's good.
287
00:16:40,004 --> 00:16:41,802
You won't even know
I'm here.
288
00:16:44,199 --> 00:16:45,598
Should I get married?
Should I be good?
289
00:16:45,698 --> 00:16:47,096
Should I astound
the girl next door
290
00:16:47,196 --> 00:16:49,144
with my velvet suit
and my Faustus hood?
291
00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:51,057
And not take her to movies
but to cemeteries
292
00:16:51,092 --> 00:16:54,089
and tell her of werewolf tongues
and forked clarinets?
293
00:16:55,588 --> 00:16:57,086
What
"Hey, That's My Bike"...
294
00:16:57,186 --> 00:16:59,584
would like to do eventually.
as a band...
295
00:16:59,683 --> 00:17:01,881
is travel the countryside
like Woody Guthrie.
296
00:17:01,916 --> 00:17:03,744
Or Richard Simmons.
297
00:17:03,779 --> 00:17:05,577
You know how,
in his commercials...
298
00:17:05,677 --> 00:17:08,375
how he travels around,
surprises people jogging.
299
00:17:08,475 --> 00:17:12,071
As you can see,
I have the occasional run-in...
300
00:17:12,171 --> 00:17:15,417
with an anti-
"Hey, That's My Biker. "
301
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:18,664
And to those people,
I say nobody...
302
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:22,760
Nobody can eat fifty eggs.
303
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,222
-Lainie?
-Whatie?
304
00:17:25,257 --> 00:17:28,154
The next time you make
microwave brownies...
305
00:17:28,189 --> 00:17:31,051
I'd really consider
using a microwave.
306
00:17:31,086 --> 00:17:33,414
It's just a thought.
307
00:17:33,449 --> 00:17:35,447
You know,
I finally figured out...
308
00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:37,312
what your problem is, Dyer.
309
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,108
What's that?
I'm not a Pepper?
310
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:41,641
You suffer from the philosopher
groupie syndrome.
311
00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:45,102
You're this guy
with, like, a 180 I.Q...
312
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:47,635
ten units away from
a degree in philosophy...
313
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,831
and you always fall
for these dumb groupie types.
314
00:17:50,866 --> 00:17:52,595
Now... they are not all dumb.
315
00:17:52,629 --> 00:17:55,591
Most of them
are just very, very depressed.
316
00:17:55,626 --> 00:17:58,623
Do you find me attractive,
sitting here, eating brownies?
317
00:17:58,658 --> 00:18:00,621
You do. You're strangely
attracted to me right now.
318
00:18:00,656 --> 00:18:02,584
You're oddly, oddly
attracted to me.
319
00:18:02,619 --> 00:18:04,617
It turns you on, doesn't it?
You like to watch, don't you?
320
00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:07,614
Come on.
Come on! Aah!
321
00:18:07,649 --> 00:18:09,078
Here. Ha ha ha!
322
00:18:09,113 --> 00:18:11,610
Don't! Come on.
It's not funny. Give it back.
323
00:18:11,645 --> 00:18:12,974
-Give what back?
-Give it back!
324
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,007
Give what back?
Give the brownies back?
325
00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:17,469
-Aah!
-Brownies, brownies.
326
00:18:17,504 --> 00:18:19,502
Oh, I love brownies.
My name's Lelaina.
327
00:18:19,537 --> 00:18:21,200
Hey, don't!
Hey, watch the camera.
328
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,798
Don't throw it at me.
That's not nice.
329
00:18:33,088 --> 00:18:35,586
Mr. Gubler, do you have time
to take a look...
330
00:18:35,686 --> 00:18:37,084
at what I've done here?
331
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,082
I need my questions.
332
00:18:39,182 --> 00:18:41,580
Oh, well, here's
the research that I did.
333
00:18:41,679 --> 00:18:43,078
You might want to read it...
334
00:18:43,178 --> 00:18:45,775
because this guest has
quite a history in politics.
335
00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:47,673
Just give me my questions.
336
00:18:58,163 --> 00:18:59,761
Excusez-moi.
337
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,657
-You all alone?
-Not anymore.
338
00:19:03,757 --> 00:19:06,254
If I could bottle
the sexual tension...
339
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,151
between Bonnie Franklin
and Schneider...
340
00:19:09,186 --> 00:19:12,048
I could solve
the energy crisis.
341
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,712
Excuse me.
342
00:19:13,747 --> 00:19:18,007
Don't bogart that can... man.
343
00:19:18,042 --> 00:19:21,139
-Are you retarded?
-No. I'm rhyming.
344
00:19:22,338 --> 00:19:25,435
It's not easy.
Sure, I make it look easy.
345
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,331
You guys
better not be inhaling.
346
00:19:29,431 --> 00:19:30,595
Hi.
347
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:35,824
Lelaina, Vickie was just
promoted to manager of the Gap.
348
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:38,422
-Shut up.
-It's not even a big deal.
349
00:19:38,457 --> 00:19:40,836
The old manager
tried to kill herself...
350
00:19:40,871 --> 00:19:42,943
by eating a whole pot
of poinsettias.
351
00:19:42,978 --> 00:19:44,980
Still, I'm so proud of you.
Wait.
352
00:19:45,015 --> 00:19:48,062
I'll be making four-hundred
dollars a week, though.
353
00:19:48,097 --> 00:19:51,109
We're never gonna
have rent problems again.
354
00:19:51,144 --> 00:19:53,072
Troy, aren't you excited?
355
00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:55,904
I'm bursting with fruit flavor.
356
00:19:56,004 --> 00:19:57,902
You guys,
I just thought of something.
357
00:19:58,002 --> 00:20:00,099
I'm manager of the Gap.
358
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,596
I'm responsible
for all those t-shirts...
359
00:20:03,696 --> 00:20:07,492
French-cut, v-necked, ribbed,
what have you.
360
00:20:07,527 --> 00:20:08,756
Dude, I'm in trouble.
361
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,754
No, you're not, Vick.
I know you can do it.
362
00:20:10,789 --> 00:20:14,085
I just do not understand
why this moment...
363
00:20:14,185 --> 00:20:15,549
has to be Memorexed.
364
00:20:15,584 --> 00:20:17,247
Sammy, don't you realize?
365
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:21,078
This is your one opportunity
to play a small part...
366
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:23,576
in what is destined
to be greatness.
367
00:20:23,675 --> 00:20:26,273
Lainie here
is gonna revolutionize...
368
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,571
"Good Morning, Grant. "
369
00:20:27,671 --> 00:20:31,068
Oh, my god! I'm so sorry!
I had no idea!
370
00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:33,565
Look who's mocking.
All you do around here, Troy...
371
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:36,962
is eat and couch
and fondle the remote control.
372
00:20:37,162 --> 00:20:39,959
I am not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
373
00:20:39,994 --> 00:20:41,874
Well, then what good are you?
374
00:20:41,909 --> 00:20:43,755
You're a pathological optimist.
375
00:20:43,855 --> 00:20:45,218
You're pathological.
376
00:20:45,253 --> 00:20:48,150
Oh, would you two just do it
and get it over with?
377
00:20:48,185 --> 00:20:49,649
I'm starving.
378
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,108
Oh!
379
00:20:55,143 --> 00:20:58,040
Hello. You've reached
the winter of our discontent.
380
00:20:59,439 --> 00:21:02,136
Uh... hold on.
It's some Michael character.
381
00:21:02,171 --> 00:21:03,635
Oh.
382
00:21:05,633 --> 00:21:08,095
-Who's Michael?
-Let's order a pizza.
383
00:21:08,130 --> 00:21:11,127
Lelaina, if we promise
to pay you back...
384
00:21:11,162 --> 00:21:12,626
will you spot us a pizza?
385
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:14,089
Don't have any cash.
386
00:21:14,124 --> 00:21:15,622
Dominoes takes checks.
387
00:21:15,657 --> 00:21:16,821
OK, great.
388
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,419
OK. Bye.
389
00:21:19,818 --> 00:21:22,216
The owner of Dominoes
supports Operation Rescue.
390
00:21:22,251 --> 00:21:24,613
Oh, please. No one
gives a shit right now.
391
00:21:24,648 --> 00:21:26,678
We're starving.
392
00:21:26,713 --> 00:21:28,709
Oh, wait. Wait.
393
00:21:31,107 --> 00:21:34,503
-Ta-da!
-We're going to eat gas.
394
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,563
Ah!
395
00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:41,596
Who's this Michael guy?
396
00:21:41,696 --> 00:21:42,760
Um...
397
00:21:42,795 --> 00:21:45,092
Hey. Vickie just figured
something out.
398
00:21:45,192 --> 00:21:47,090
-What?
-Something wonderful.
399
00:21:47,190 --> 00:21:51,586
Ha ha ha! Evian is naive
spelled backwards.
400
00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:54,383
Uh! Could you
turn this up, please?
401
00:21:54,483 --> 00:21:57,080
Please?
You won't be sorry.
402
00:21:58,179 --> 00:21:59,578
Thank you.
403
00:21:59,678 --> 00:22:03,673
RADIO:... When you gonna give me
some time, Sharona?
404
00:22:03,708 --> 00:22:07,187
Ooh, you make my motor run,
my motor run
405
00:22:07,222 --> 00:22:10,631
Gun it comin' off
of the line, Sharona
406
00:22:10,666 --> 00:22:13,963
Never gonna stop, give it up,
such a dirty mind
407
00:22:13,998 --> 00:22:17,260
Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind
408
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,157
My, my, my, i, yi, woo!
409
00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:21,755
Hey!
410
00:22:21,855 --> 00:22:23,553
M-m-my Sharona.
411
00:22:26,650 --> 00:22:29,847
Come a little closer, huh?
Ah, will ya, huh?
412
00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:33,043
Close enough to look
in my eyes, Sharona
413
00:22:33,078 --> 00:22:36,605
Keeping it a mystery,
it gets to me
414
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:40,036
Running down the length
of my thighs, Sharona...
415
00:22:40,536 --> 00:22:43,832
Good times,
any time you need them, baby
416
00:22:43,867 --> 00:22:47,094
Good times,
ain't no time to be afraid
417
00:22:47,129 --> 00:22:49,127
Thelma's husband Keith has got
vodka hidden in the toilet.
418
00:22:49,162 --> 00:22:51,425
Vodka in the toilet.
That's a good one.
419
00:22:51,525 --> 00:22:53,073
Um... boom boom.
420
00:22:53,108 --> 00:22:54,587
James Dice.
421
00:22:54,621 --> 00:22:56,120
That's a two-parter, man.
You can't do that.
422
00:22:56,155 --> 00:22:58,083
J.J. works in the chicken shop.
423
00:22:58,118 --> 00:23:00,116
He works in a chicken shop.
We did that.
424
00:23:00,151 --> 00:23:02,114
It's the same one
when he has that cape on.
425
00:23:02,149 --> 00:23:03,577
Drink up, man.
426
00:23:03,612 --> 00:23:06,110
You hate to see that
happen to the rookie.
427
00:23:06,145 --> 00:23:07,608
Um... Alderman Davis
judges a...
428
00:23:09,606 --> 00:23:11,005
Oh, my god.
429
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,403
Hi.
430
00:23:12,503 --> 00:23:14,901
Are you a collection agent?
431
00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,964
Lelaina!
432
00:23:16,999 --> 00:23:20,895
Oh! Yeah, I'll be right there.
433
00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:26,154
Oh.
434
00:23:26,189 --> 00:23:28,986
If you ain't
the most hardheaded woman...
435
00:23:29,021 --> 00:23:30,385
Great!
436
00:23:30,485 --> 00:23:31,883
Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
Oh, it's me!
437
00:23:31,983 --> 00:23:33,382
Willona dates a deaf guy.
438
00:23:33,482 --> 00:23:34,845
-Good one.
-Willona dates a deaf guy.
439
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,428
How about the one
when Gary Coleman comes on...
440
00:23:37,463 --> 00:23:39,975
and he's like the little...
like, guy doing that...
441
00:23:41,074 --> 00:23:43,272
-Yeah, we did that one.
-He was cute, though.
442
00:23:43,307 --> 00:23:45,570
-J.J.'s prom date.
-Gotta go. Gotta go.
443
00:23:45,604 --> 00:23:47,133
-Hey. Hi. Hello. Hi.
-Hi.
444
00:23:47,168 --> 00:23:51,464
Um... everybody, this is Michael.
This is...
445
00:23:52,462 --> 00:23:54,960
Prom date. Prom date. Go.
446
00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:56,458
You know, we should...
We should... Yeah.
447
00:23:56,558 --> 00:23:57,657
So, I'm gonna go.
448
00:23:57,757 --> 00:23:58,721
Bye.
449
00:23:58,756 --> 00:24:00,220
Michael throws a party.
Sammy, let's go.
450
00:24:00,255 --> 00:24:03,851
Lelaina, you know the punishment
for premature evacuation.
451
00:24:07,148 --> 00:24:10,544
Penny! Willona adopts Penny!
Shit!
452
00:24:12,442 --> 00:24:14,740
I'm making
this documentary...
453
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,538
about my friends,
but it's really about...
454
00:24:16,638 --> 00:24:19,200
people who are trying to find
their own identity...
455
00:24:19,235 --> 00:24:22,832
without having any real role
models or heroes or anything.
456
00:24:22,866 --> 00:24:26,393
Wow. That...
That sounds great.
457
00:24:26,428 --> 00:24:28,925
It seems like your friends
would be perfect for that.
458
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,691
Like, um...
Like that guy Troy...
459
00:24:30,725 --> 00:24:32,422
-Troy, yeah.
-You all done here, sir?
460
00:24:32,457 --> 00:24:33,885
Uh, yeah. yeah.
461
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,419
You don't want to finish that?
Because I can...
462
00:24:35,454 --> 00:24:37,916
No, no, no. I'm fine.
I had a late...
463
00:24:37,951 --> 00:24:39,879
So, Troy is...
You guys just...
464
00:24:39,914 --> 00:24:42,412
It's like you guys living there,
just the two of you?
465
00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:44,075
No, no, no, no, no.
466
00:24:44,110 --> 00:24:47,556
It's me and Vickie,
but he got fired from his job...
467
00:24:47,591 --> 00:24:51,003
and so he needed a place
to crash for a couple weeks.
468
00:24:51,038 --> 00:24:54,799
They caught him
stealing a Snickers.
469
00:24:54,834 --> 00:24:57,996
He stole a Snickers bar?
470
00:24:58,031 --> 00:24:59,894
Yeah. Ha ha ha!
471
00:24:59,994 --> 00:25:02,391
Somehow he can rationalize it...
472
00:25:02,491 --> 00:25:07,386
like the establishment
owes him a Snickers.
473
00:25:07,486 --> 00:25:08,785
Right, right.
474
00:25:08,885 --> 00:25:11,482
Well, I mean...
I guess... you know...
475
00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:20,173
You know, you're very beautiful.
476
00:25:22,271 --> 00:25:24,369
I mean... I mean, um...
477
00:25:24,404 --> 00:25:26,467
Seriously, you're...
478
00:25:27,466 --> 00:25:34,858
I'm, uh... I'm, uh... not really
good with compliments.
479
00:25:35,957 --> 00:25:37,455
Um... but, uh...
480
00:25:37,555 --> 00:25:40,952
Um... Ha ha!
Are you religious?
481
00:25:43,449 --> 00:25:46,112
Um... Ha ha ha!
482
00:25:46,147 --> 00:25:48,809
Ha ha ha!
I'm sorry.
483
00:25:48,844 --> 00:25:53,040
I guess I'm...
I guess I'm, uh...
484
00:25:53,074 --> 00:25:55,037
a non-practicing Jew.
485
00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:57,435
Hey, I'm
a non-practicing virgin.
486
00:26:02,630 --> 00:26:04,393
Who's this again?
487
00:26:04,428 --> 00:26:05,926
Frampton.
Peter Frampton.
488
00:26:05,961 --> 00:26:07,390
Frampton...
489
00:26:07,425 --> 00:26:08,923
I can't believe you
don't remember...
490
00:26:08,958 --> 00:26:10,387
"Frampton Comes Alive. "
491
00:26:10,422 --> 00:26:13,384
That album, like,
totally changed my life.
492
00:26:13,419 --> 00:26:19,213
The most profound, important
invention of my lifetime...
493
00:26:19,313 --> 00:26:21,211
the Big Gulp.
494
00:26:21,311 --> 00:26:23,209
And because, see...
No, listen.
495
00:26:23,244 --> 00:26:24,672
You get one in the morning.
496
00:26:24,707 --> 00:26:27,504
I'm talking forty-four ouncer,
not this thirty-two wimpy...
497
00:26:27,539 --> 00:26:30,518
-Wait a minute. Forty four?
-Yeah. Forty-four ounce.
498
00:26:30,553 --> 00:26:33,225
How can you ingest
forty-four ounces of anything?
499
00:26:33,260 --> 00:26:35,896
How can you ingest
forty-four ounces of anything?
500
00:26:35,931 --> 00:26:37,359
You get one.
501
00:26:37,394 --> 00:26:39,892
You have your essential vitamins
and nutrients...
502
00:26:39,992 --> 00:26:41,390
for the entire day.
503
00:26:41,490 --> 00:26:44,387
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
I'm sure you're totally covered.
504
00:26:44,587 --> 00:26:46,385
-You do.
-Well...
505
00:26:46,585 --> 00:26:49,882
I guess it really doesn't
take much to make me happy.
506
00:26:50,081 --> 00:26:52,879
Hey, I'm not
materialistic, either.
507
00:26:52,978 --> 00:26:56,375
I mean, I think I'd be working
even if I wasn't getting paid.
508
00:26:56,475 --> 00:26:59,871
And I don't, like, want to get,
you know... a big house.
509
00:26:59,971 --> 00:27:02,868
I just want, like,
a nice house.
510
00:27:02,968 --> 00:27:05,865
I'm not into cars and stuff.
511
00:27:05,965 --> 00:27:08,428
I mean, I like my car.
512
00:27:08,463 --> 00:27:11,460
You're probably not
really not into, like...
513
00:27:11,495 --> 00:27:14,456
expensive, snazzy
Italian suits, either.
514
00:27:14,556 --> 00:27:16,554
-Oh, come on.
-I'm just kidding.
515
00:27:16,589 --> 00:27:18,270
-No, no, no.
-I'm just kidding.
516
00:27:18,305 --> 00:27:20,127
Wait a minute.
I'm not like that.
517
00:27:20,162 --> 00:27:21,949
I'm really not.
I mean... I mean...
518
00:27:21,984 --> 00:27:24,911
I'm... I'm... I mean...
519
00:27:24,946 --> 00:27:27,243
I know why the caged bird
sings and everything.
520
00:27:27,278 --> 00:27:29,007
Oh, yeah? Why?
521
00:27:29,042 --> 00:27:32,238
Because he was... in a cage,
and he was...
522
00:27:32,273 --> 00:27:35,435
I don't know.
He had high hopes or something.
523
00:27:35,470 --> 00:27:37,250
OK, I dropped out of school...
524
00:27:37,285 --> 00:27:38,858
before we got to that,
all right?
525
00:27:38,893 --> 00:27:40,395
I should have stayed
in college...
526
00:27:40,430 --> 00:27:42,428
and got a degree
in astronomy or something.
527
00:27:42,463 --> 00:27:44,243
-Oh, god, I love astronomy.
-Really?
528
00:27:44,278 --> 00:27:45,989
Yeah. I just...
The math, though.
529
00:27:46,024 --> 00:27:48,422
It was the math that just,
like... got me every time.
530
00:27:48,457 --> 00:27:50,420
I loved astronomy, too,
and I got into class...
531
00:27:50,455 --> 00:27:51,983
and it was like...
it was like...
532
00:27:52,018 --> 00:27:57,413
everything was three-squared
times pi equals the root of pi.
533
00:27:57,448 --> 00:28:00,010
Yeah. And I just wanted
to look at the stars.
534
00:28:00,045 --> 00:28:02,907
-It was so...
-Same here exactly.
535
00:28:03,906 --> 00:28:06,903
I remember being so happy
on the roof of our old house...
536
00:28:06,938 --> 00:28:09,001
just staring up at the stars.
537
00:28:09,036 --> 00:28:10,464
Mmm...
538
00:28:10,499 --> 00:28:13,996
I want to do that again.
I want to just...
539
00:28:14,031 --> 00:28:17,492
look up at the stars
and take the time to...
540
00:28:17,527 --> 00:28:20,489
smell the...
541
00:28:20,589 --> 00:28:21,888
everything.
542
00:28:24,585 --> 00:28:27,882
Because it's like... do you ever
have those moments in life...
543
00:28:28,081 --> 00:28:30,879
where everything is OK?
Do you know what I mean?
544
00:28:31,078 --> 00:28:33,476
Just for, like, one moment,
everything is great.
545
00:28:33,576 --> 00:28:37,472
Not since I graduated, no.
But yeah... yeah.
546
00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:41,368
When you, like, catch yourself
in a moment...
547
00:28:41,568 --> 00:28:44,365
and you're saying, wait,
I'm happy here in the moment.
548
00:28:44,465 --> 00:28:46,962
Right. And then it
just goes away really quickly.
549
00:28:47,062 --> 00:28:49,360
-Gone.
-It just... It's...
550
00:28:49,460 --> 00:28:51,458
I know I've had
a couple of those, you know.
551
00:28:51,493 --> 00:28:53,456
I always forget them,
but I know I've had them.
552
00:28:53,490 --> 00:28:55,054
Oh, me, too.
553
00:28:59,350 --> 00:29:01,847
Like right now... is one.
554
00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:06,742
Yeah... like now.
555
00:29:10,538 --> 00:29:12,536
SINGING:
Clouds are stalking
556
00:29:12,571 --> 00:29:15,034
Islands in the sun
557
00:29:16,532 --> 00:29:19,529
Wish I could dry one
558
00:29:20,528 --> 00:29:22,226
Out of season
559
00:29:23,825 --> 00:29:25,523
But don't
560
00:29:26,821 --> 00:29:28,720
Hesitate
561
00:29:30,218 --> 00:29:32,715
'Cause your love
562
00:29:34,014 --> 00:29:36,362
Won't wait
563
00:29:36,397 --> 00:29:38,674
Hey, hey, hey
564
00:29:38,709 --> 00:29:42,006
Ooh, baby, I love your way
565
00:29:42,041 --> 00:29:43,504
Every day
566
00:29:45,403 --> 00:29:48,499
Want to tell you I love your way
567
00:29:48,534 --> 00:29:50,497
Ooh, ooh, ooh
568
00:29:53,594 --> 00:29:55,992
TROY, Ooh, baby,
I love your way
569
00:29:56,027 --> 00:29:57,455
Every day
570
00:29:57,490 --> 00:29:59,288
I want to be with you
night and day
571
00:29:59,388 --> 00:30:00,487
Shh!
572
00:30:00,587 --> 00:30:02,485
So, you've been up all night?
573
00:30:04,083 --> 00:30:08,779
I am picking up some
very strange vibes in here.
574
00:30:08,814 --> 00:30:13,474
They're of the...
"I just got laid" variety.
575
00:30:13,973 --> 00:30:15,272
Did he dazzle you...
576
00:30:15,372 --> 00:30:18,169
with his extensive knowledge
of mineral water?
577
00:30:18,269 --> 00:30:22,265
Or was it his in-depth analysis
of Markie Mark...
578
00:30:22,365 --> 00:30:24,128
that finally reeled you in?
579
00:30:24,163 --> 00:30:26,860
I just would have liked
to have been there...
580
00:30:26,895 --> 00:30:28,823
to watch
how you rationalized...
581
00:30:28,858 --> 00:30:31,555
sleeping with a yuppy-head
cheeseball on the first date.
582
00:30:31,590 --> 00:30:32,919
He's not a yuppy.
583
00:30:32,954 --> 00:30:35,452
He's the reason
why Cliff Notes were invented.
584
00:30:36,850 --> 00:30:38,813
Well, that pales
in comparison...
585
00:30:38,848 --> 00:30:41,146
to the tweaked-out
little skanks you date.
586
00:30:42,245 --> 00:30:43,608
To hell with it.
What do I care?
587
00:30:43,643 --> 00:30:46,041
What do you care?
And why are you acting...
588
00:30:46,241 --> 00:30:48,438
like a jealous boyfriend
all of a sudden?
589
00:30:48,473 --> 00:30:51,835
I am not acting like anything.
590
00:30:51,870 --> 00:30:54,432
I am calmly reading.
591
00:30:55,731 --> 00:30:58,793
God. If something's
bothering you that much...
592
00:30:58,828 --> 00:31:01,125
I wish you could just be man
enough to talk to me about it.
593
00:31:02,824 --> 00:31:04,622
All right, Lelaina.
594
00:31:17,908 --> 00:31:19,706
I am really in love with you.
595
00:31:25,301 --> 00:31:28,797
Is that what you want to hear?
Is it?
596
00:31:28,832 --> 00:31:32,194
Well, don't flatter yourself.
597
00:31:35,790 --> 00:31:37,388
Go to hell.
598
00:31:50,375 --> 00:31:52,738
Since I've been
manager here...
599
00:31:52,773 --> 00:31:57,268
our gross has increased
over twenty percent.
600
00:31:57,303 --> 00:31:59,865
So...
What?
601
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:02,827
OK. OK. Um...
602
00:32:02,862 --> 00:32:04,261
I guess I'm proud of that.
603
00:32:04,361 --> 00:32:06,923
Oh, please.
Look at this sweater.
604
00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,655
People don't know.
They don't know what it takes.
605
00:32:09,690 --> 00:32:12,018
I've never been
a good example before...
606
00:32:12,053 --> 00:32:15,749
and, um... I've never been good
with responsibility.
607
00:32:15,849 --> 00:32:18,446
So, uh...
I blame my parents, though.
608
00:32:18,546 --> 00:32:21,344
I think I was conceived
on an acid trip.
609
00:32:22,742 --> 00:32:27,302
My parents got divorced
when I was 5 years old.
610
00:32:27,337 --> 00:32:30,834
And I saw my father about
three times a year after that.
611
00:32:32,432 --> 00:32:34,830
And when he found out
that he had cancer...
612
00:32:34,865 --> 00:32:36,793
he decided to bring me here...
613
00:32:36,828 --> 00:32:39,325
and he gives me
this big pink sea shell...
614
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:40,789
and he says to me...
615
00:32:40,824 --> 00:32:43,821
"Son, the answers are all
inside of this. "
616
00:32:43,856 --> 00:32:45,419
And I'm all, like, "What?"
617
00:32:45,519 --> 00:32:47,817
But then I realized
that the shell was empty.
618
00:32:47,851 --> 00:32:49,315
There's no point
to any of this.
619
00:32:49,350 --> 00:32:50,813
It's all just a...
620
00:32:52,012 --> 00:32:54,310
A random lottery
of meaningless tragedy...
621
00:32:54,345 --> 00:32:56,707
and a series
of near escapes.
622
00:32:58,805 --> 00:33:02,302
So I take pleasure
in the details, you know.
623
00:33:02,337 --> 00:33:05,598
A Quarter-Pounder with cheese.
624
00:33:05,698 --> 00:33:07,761
Those are good.
625
00:33:07,796 --> 00:33:13,590
The sky about... ten minutes
before it starts to rain.
626
00:33:13,690 --> 00:33:17,187
The moment where your laughter
becomes a cackle.
627
00:33:18,685 --> 00:33:23,780
And I sit back, and I...
I smoke my Camel straights.
628
00:33:25,878 --> 00:33:28,540
And I ride my own melt.
629
00:33:28,575 --> 00:33:30,773
Come on. Come on.
No lagging.
630
00:33:30,873 --> 00:33:32,771
The free clinic A.I.D.S. test.
631
00:33:32,871 --> 00:33:35,468
The rite of passage
for our generation.
632
00:33:35,568 --> 00:33:37,766
We're so lucky.
Come on.
633
00:33:37,865 --> 00:33:42,261
So, Vick, why are you
getting tested?
634
00:33:42,361 --> 00:33:44,659
One of my friends
tested positive.
635
00:33:45,957 --> 00:33:49,354
To be on the safe side...
you know.
636
00:33:54,349 --> 00:33:55,847
Vickie Miner.
637
00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:02,640
WOMAN, LOUDER:
Vickie Miner.
638
00:34:07,036 --> 00:34:08,599
You can forget it.
639
00:34:08,634 --> 00:34:10,832
Come on, Grant.
That... It's incredible.
640
00:34:10,867 --> 00:34:13,095
It's junk.
Depressing junk.
641
00:34:13,130 --> 00:34:14,928
You know my rules
for the "Video View"...
642
00:34:15,028 --> 00:34:16,426
light and perky.
643
00:34:16,526 --> 00:34:20,822
Look, Lelaina, maybe I should
talk to Grant alone about this.
644
00:34:23,819 --> 00:34:25,817
Look, she's got real talent...
645
00:34:25,852 --> 00:34:27,780
and I want to put her on staff.
646
00:34:27,815 --> 00:34:29,812
I will not have
Miss Pierce on staff.
647
00:34:29,847 --> 00:34:31,810
I will walk out of here
if that happens.
648
00:34:31,845 --> 00:34:33,274
You watch.
649
00:34:33,309 --> 00:34:36,006
OK, calm down.
It's no big deal.
650
00:34:36,041 --> 00:34:37,769
We don't have to have her.
651
00:34:37,804 --> 00:34:39,268
Besides,
having to look...
652
00:34:39,303 --> 00:34:41,301
at that girl's pointy
little face all day...
653
00:34:41,336 --> 00:34:42,816
it would make me ill.
654
00:34:42,851 --> 00:34:44,263
Just get rid of her...
655
00:34:44,298 --> 00:34:46,595
like I asked you to do
in the first place.
656
00:34:53,988 --> 00:34:55,486
...I'll get there.
657
00:34:55,586 --> 00:34:58,283
If I don't know where to go,
I'll get there.
658
00:34:58,318 --> 00:34:59,982
If I don't know...
659
00:35:05,476 --> 00:35:06,775
Ten seconds...
660
00:35:06,875 --> 00:35:09,272
nine, eight, seven...
661
00:35:09,372 --> 00:35:12,769
six, five, four...
662
00:35:22,359 --> 00:35:24,522
Is this a good morning or what?
663
00:35:24,557 --> 00:35:28,917
Ha ha ha! Well, with us today
is Libby Kumbaugh...
664
00:35:28,952 --> 00:35:32,748
the author of this book...
"Mommy, Why Do I Hate Myself?
665
00:35:32,848 --> 00:35:35,446
"Self-Esteem
for Parent and Child. "
666
00:35:35,545 --> 00:35:38,043
-Good morning, Libby.
-Good morning, Grant.
667
00:35:38,143 --> 00:35:43,338
Good morning! Now, Libby...
I'm concerned with self-esteem.
668
00:35:43,372 --> 00:35:45,435
Personally, I've always had
an odd preference...
669
00:35:45,470 --> 00:35:47,833
for very, very young girls.
670
00:35:50,830 --> 00:35:51,929
I...
671
00:35:54,426 --> 00:35:57,423
Being a total prick...
672
00:35:59,621 --> 00:36:03,517
...Iy pear, I...
673
00:36:03,617 --> 00:36:07,013
Why don't we welcome
this audience again, huh?
674
00:36:07,113 --> 00:36:08,112
Good morning!
675
00:36:10,710 --> 00:36:13,272
I make more of a mess
than Ruby does.
676
00:36:13,307 --> 00:36:15,305
Hi. You guys, we have to have
a family meeting.
677
00:36:15,340 --> 00:36:16,604
Something's happened.
678
00:36:16,703 --> 00:36:18,502
Oh, no! They've discovered
Nutrasweet causes you...
679
00:36:18,537 --> 00:36:19,765
to grow a third eye.
680
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,299
Let me just say that
everything's gonna be fine.
681
00:36:21,334 --> 00:36:22,814
Yeah,
it's not a big deal.
682
00:36:22,849 --> 00:36:24,322
She'll just wear
a patch over it.
683
00:36:24,357 --> 00:36:25,759
I'm working out a plan.
684
00:36:25,794 --> 00:36:27,293
Yeah, there's
a surgeon in Paris.
685
00:36:27,328 --> 00:36:28,756
He'll just remove it
for free.
686
00:36:28,791 --> 00:36:31,239
-Just don't panic.
-It's not contagious.
687
00:36:31,274 --> 00:36:33,686
Would you shut up?
I just got fired.
688
00:36:34,685 --> 00:36:35,584
Yeah.
689
00:36:35,684 --> 00:36:37,782
Oh, my god.
What happened?
690
00:36:37,817 --> 00:36:40,279
You got fired?
691
00:36:40,379 --> 00:36:43,276
I mean, that just screws up
my whole idea of good and evil.
692
00:36:43,376 --> 00:36:46,573
It's not like I had
a hysterectomy or anything.
693
00:36:46,608 --> 00:36:49,770
I just... I got fired. I'll find
something else, you know.
694
00:36:49,870 --> 00:36:51,768
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
695
00:36:51,868 --> 00:36:53,631
You're hired.
696
00:36:53,666 --> 00:36:55,664
I need a part-timer.
You need a job.
697
00:36:55,699 --> 00:36:56,763
That would be so cool.
698
00:36:56,863 --> 00:36:58,761
It's only, like, five dollars
an hour. No big deal.
699
00:36:58,860 --> 00:37:00,259
But it's a pretty good
opportunity.
700
00:37:00,359 --> 00:37:01,758
Yeah,
it's a dream come true.
701
00:37:01,857 --> 00:37:03,256
It is.
702
00:37:03,356 --> 00:37:05,753
You know, Vick,
I said I'm working out a plan.
703
00:37:05,853 --> 00:37:07,252
Yeah.
So, what's the plan?
704
00:37:07,352 --> 00:37:10,249
I'm not gonna work
at the Gap, for Christ's sake.
705
00:37:10,349 --> 00:37:11,847
OK?
706
00:37:12,846 --> 00:37:16,742
-No. I mean...
-Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
707
00:37:16,842 --> 00:37:20,638
Oh, how stupid of me to try
to drag you down to my level.
708
00:37:20,673 --> 00:37:24,335
-Vickie, you don't do this, OK?
-Shut up.
709
00:37:24,369 --> 00:37:26,699
Come on.
This is just...
710
00:37:26,734 --> 00:37:29,030
You know I didn't mean it.
Vickie.
711
00:37:52,306 --> 00:37:54,304
You see, this is
where Troy was fired...
712
00:37:54,339 --> 00:37:55,767
from his eleventh job.
713
00:37:55,802 --> 00:37:58,300
He was an illustrious
office cleaner.
714
00:37:59,299 --> 00:38:00,762
Now if you'll come
this way, please...
715
00:38:00,797 --> 00:38:03,195
we will continue our short
but happy walking tour...
716
00:38:03,230 --> 00:38:05,193
of the career
of Troy Dyer.
717
00:38:05,393 --> 00:38:08,754
And here we have
the newsstand...
718
00:38:08,789 --> 00:38:11,786
where Troy dared
to ask the question...
719
00:38:11,821 --> 00:38:13,784
Are employee snacks subsidized?
720
00:38:15,183 --> 00:38:17,480
The answer... tragically, no.
721
00:38:17,515 --> 00:38:19,743
In total, he has been fired...
722
00:38:19,778 --> 00:38:22,275
from... yes, count them...
twelve jobs.
723
00:38:22,375 --> 00:38:23,774
Twelve? Ouch.
724
00:38:23,874 --> 00:38:26,271
So you shouldn't feel so bad.
725
00:38:26,371 --> 00:38:29,268
One of these mornings, I'm going
to wake up before noon and...
726
00:38:29,368 --> 00:38:31,266
Ha ha. Yeah, right.
727
00:38:31,366 --> 00:38:34,263
And I'm gonna turn on the TV...
728
00:38:34,363 --> 00:38:36,261
and there Bryant Gumbel
will be, and he'll say...
729
00:38:36,361 --> 00:38:38,424
"Today we have with us...
730
00:38:38,459 --> 00:38:42,355
"the Pulitzer Prize winning
documentarian Lelaina Pierce.
731
00:38:42,390 --> 00:38:46,251
"Lelaina, after your first film,
Why Barbie Is Bad... "
732
00:38:47,749 --> 00:38:50,147
"You seem to have forgotten
all about...
733
00:38:50,347 --> 00:38:51,945
"your best friend, Troy Dyer. "
734
00:38:51,980 --> 00:38:53,908
Troy who?
735
00:38:53,943 --> 00:38:55,442
What was that name again?
736
00:38:55,541 --> 00:38:58,139
Oh, right through the heart.
737
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,836
I'll probably be working
at the Whole Foods...
738
00:39:00,871 --> 00:39:01,800
playing warehouses...
739
00:39:01,835 --> 00:39:03,733
hanging around places
like the Radio Shack...
740
00:39:03,833 --> 00:39:05,431
screaming that
I used to know you...
741
00:39:05,466 --> 00:39:07,247
and you'll be there
in the lights...
742
00:39:07,282 --> 00:39:09,028
and you'll be all beautiful
and shit.
743
00:39:09,128 --> 00:39:12,324
Oh, Troy. No, no, no.
That'll never happen.
744
00:39:12,359 --> 00:39:15,321
They would never hire you
at Whole Foods.
745
00:39:17,319 --> 00:39:20,466
You see, Lainie,
this is all we need...
746
00:39:20,501 --> 00:39:23,613
a couple of smokes,
a cup of coffee...
747
00:39:25,011 --> 00:39:27,409
And a little bit
of conversation.
748
00:39:27,509 --> 00:39:29,807
You and me and five bucks.
749
00:39:29,842 --> 00:39:31,305
You got it.
750
00:39:32,803 --> 00:39:35,301
-You know what?
-Hmm?
751
00:39:41,794 --> 00:39:44,092
-No, no, no.
-What?
752
00:39:44,192 --> 00:39:45,456
Troy, I can't. I can't.
753
00:39:45,491 --> 00:39:47,389
Why not?
You never thought about it?
754
00:39:47,489 --> 00:39:49,786
Well, yes, of course
I have, but I...
755
00:39:49,821 --> 00:39:50,950
But what?
756
00:39:50,985 --> 00:39:52,748
I can't not be friends
with you, OK?
757
00:39:52,783 --> 00:39:54,781
I don't want that. That's not
what I'm talking about.
758
00:39:54,816 --> 00:39:58,777
I'm talking about a...
you know, evolving.
759
00:39:58,812 --> 00:40:00,275
I just can't handle
this right now.
760
00:40:00,375 --> 00:40:02,773
I can't evolve right now.
761
00:40:02,873 --> 00:40:05,270
Why not?
Because of Michael?
762
00:40:05,370 --> 00:40:06,769
No.
763
00:40:08,467 --> 00:40:11,364
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
764
00:40:23,152 --> 00:40:25,749
My parents got divorced
when I was fourteen.
765
00:40:25,849 --> 00:40:27,912
My dad... the dog...
766
00:40:27,947 --> 00:40:31,244
he remarried six months
after the divorce.
767
00:40:31,344 --> 00:40:33,741
Wow. That's quick.
How did everybody react?
768
00:40:33,841 --> 00:40:38,636
Um... my mom threatened
to kill herself in front of me.
769
00:40:38,736 --> 00:40:40,699
Patty got drunk in her closet...
770
00:40:40,734 --> 00:40:42,732
every morning
before junior high school.
771
00:40:42,767 --> 00:40:44,430
And you?
772
00:40:44,530 --> 00:40:47,293
Well, um...
773
00:40:47,327 --> 00:40:50,924
Somebody had to remember
to take out the trash...
774
00:40:50,959 --> 00:40:54,387
sign the report cards,
buy the milk.
775
00:40:54,422 --> 00:40:57,817
So, um... that kind of ended up
being me.
776
00:40:57,917 --> 00:40:59,315
I don't want to get married...
777
00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:01,278
because I see
how my parents are.
778
00:41:01,313 --> 00:41:04,775
And they've been together,
like, 26 years...
779
00:41:04,810 --> 00:41:07,507
and they're like brother
and sister at this point.
780
00:41:07,542 --> 00:41:10,204
My mother goes to the bathroom
with the door open.
781
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:11,768
That's "A."
782
00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:13,601
And "B"...
It's disgusting.
783
00:41:13,636 --> 00:41:15,364
I don't want any part of that.
784
00:41:15,399 --> 00:41:17,796
I want first kisses.
I want passion...
785
00:41:17,831 --> 00:41:19,660
the whole way through.
786
00:41:19,694 --> 00:41:24,090
It's better than having to kiss
your husband's ass all the time.
787
00:41:24,190 --> 00:41:25,653
Yeah.
788
00:41:25,688 --> 00:41:27,751
I think that your documentary...
789
00:41:27,786 --> 00:41:29,584
would be perfect
for "In Your Face. "
790
00:41:31,283 --> 00:41:32,646
-See? Forget it.
-No.
791
00:41:32,681 --> 00:41:34,679
You're probably thinking more
like, you know...
792
00:41:34,714 --> 00:41:36,243
P B.S. or something.
793
00:41:36,278 --> 00:41:38,675
No. No. You know
what it is, though?
794
00:41:38,710 --> 00:41:41,372
It's that I.. Boy.
795
00:41:41,472 --> 00:41:43,270
OK, when I made this thing...
796
00:41:43,370 --> 00:41:45,768
I kind of made
this promise to myself...
797
00:41:45,868 --> 00:41:47,166
that I wasn't going
to think about...
798
00:41:47,266 --> 00:41:50,563
where it was gonna end up
because I didn't want to...
799
00:41:50,663 --> 00:41:53,160
unintentionally
commercialize it.
800
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:54,759
No,
I think that's great.
801
00:41:54,859 --> 00:41:56,757
I mean, I think
you should definitely...
802
00:41:56,857 --> 00:41:58,155
not unintentionally
do anything...
803
00:41:58,255 --> 00:41:59,754
that you're
not comfortable with.
804
00:41:59,854 --> 00:42:01,752
I mean, not that I would
intentionally...
805
00:42:01,851 --> 00:42:03,650
Well, plus
it's not done yet, you know.
806
00:42:03,849 --> 00:42:06,147
Right. I know. I know.
It was just a stupid...
807
00:42:06,247 --> 00:42:08,645
You know... I got to go
to New York on Wednesday...
808
00:42:08,744 --> 00:42:11,641
for this huge
network meeting thing...
809
00:42:11,741 --> 00:42:14,738
which is totally...
God, you would hate it.
810
00:42:14,773 --> 00:42:17,301
I hate it. I just...
I just thought...
811
00:42:17,336 --> 00:42:19,299
that they would freak out
over your tapes...
812
00:42:19,334 --> 00:42:21,731
because they never see anything
that's really smart...
813
00:42:21,766 --> 00:42:26,327
and has real...
you know, quality and is...
814
00:42:26,361 --> 00:42:28,190
good, like you and your work...
815
00:42:28,225 --> 00:42:32,221
and I know
I'm being selfish and...
816
00:42:32,255 --> 00:42:35,182
Michael, um...
817
00:42:35,217 --> 00:42:38,679
That is literally, literally...
818
00:42:38,714 --> 00:42:42,960
the nicest thing
that anyone's ever said to me...
819
00:42:42,995 --> 00:42:47,205
the sweetest thing that anyone's
ever said to me.
820
00:42:54,198 --> 00:42:57,695
So, what are you doing
for the rest of your morning?
821
00:42:57,729 --> 00:42:59,692
What am...
Oh, what am I doing?
822
00:42:59,727 --> 00:43:01,655
What am I doing?
823
00:43:01,690 --> 00:43:03,938
Ooh. Well, I have
a job interview.
824
00:43:03,973 --> 00:43:06,186
Lelaina, this thing
is from 1988.
825
00:43:06,221 --> 00:43:08,149
I know. Ha ha ha!
826
00:43:08,184 --> 00:43:11,580
So you're, like...
six years late.
827
00:43:19,073 --> 00:43:21,570
I thought the ad said
that this was a job...
828
00:43:21,605 --> 00:43:23,433
for a production assistant.
829
00:43:23,468 --> 00:43:27,164
Yes. You will be
assisting me...
830
00:43:27,264 --> 00:43:31,160
in the production
of videotapes, all right?
831
00:43:31,260 --> 00:43:36,055
You're going to make
copies for me... many copies.
832
00:43:36,090 --> 00:43:40,851
Oh, is this like a...
like a pirate operation?
833
00:43:40,885 --> 00:43:43,847
Do I look like a pirate to you?
834
00:43:46,245 --> 00:43:48,643
Now, radio
is all instinct, Lelaina.
835
00:43:48,742 --> 00:43:51,140
Do you know where
all the radio comes from?
836
00:43:51,175 --> 00:43:53,438
The gut.
It's all in the gut.
837
00:43:53,538 --> 00:43:55,536
Because when you think
on your feet...
838
00:43:55,570 --> 00:43:56,999
got to go from your gut.
839
00:43:57,034 --> 00:44:00,031
And my gut is telling me
that, uh...
840
00:44:00,066 --> 00:44:01,494
this isn't gonna work out.
841
00:44:01,529 --> 00:44:04,626
Maybe your gut's just saying
you're hungry or...
842
00:44:04,661 --> 00:44:07,723
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's telling me that, uh...
843
00:44:07,823 --> 00:44:10,121
you're overqualified
for this job.
844
00:44:10,156 --> 00:44:13,417
I'm really not that smart.
845
00:44:15,215 --> 00:44:17,413
No offense, sweetie,
but you don't have...
846
00:44:17,448 --> 00:44:19,576
any experience on a newspaper.
You're TV.
847
00:44:19,611 --> 00:44:23,008
Well, I'm trying to make my
transition to print journalism.
848
00:44:23,042 --> 00:44:24,471
Ah. Why?
849
00:44:24,506 --> 00:44:26,504
Well, newspapers are
the last watchdogs...
850
00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:27,967
of our... our government.
851
00:44:28,002 --> 00:44:29,801
They enforce
the checks and balances.
852
00:44:29,836 --> 00:44:31,599
And one half-hour of TV
only adds up to...
853
00:44:31,634 --> 00:44:33,397
OK. All right.
854
00:44:33,432 --> 00:44:35,794
Define irony.
855
00:44:35,994 --> 00:44:38,092
Irony. Uh...
856
00:44:38,127 --> 00:44:39,556
Irony.
857
00:44:39,591 --> 00:44:41,054
It's a noun.
858
00:44:41,089 --> 00:44:43,986
It's when something is...
859
00:44:44,086 --> 00:44:45,550
ironic. It's, uh...
860
00:44:45,584 --> 00:44:48,881
Well, I can't really
define irony...
861
00:44:48,916 --> 00:44:50,579
but I know it
when I see it!
862
00:45:13,056 --> 00:45:15,219
Hey. Hey.
863
00:45:15,254 --> 00:45:17,552
Oh, my god.
I've never been so glad...
864
00:45:17,652 --> 00:45:19,550
to see anyone
in my entire life.
865
00:45:19,650 --> 00:45:21,548
This day has been
the biggest nightmare.
866
00:45:21,648 --> 00:45:23,546
I mean, these
job interviews, Troy...
867
00:45:23,646 --> 00:45:26,543
the word vivisection,
a staggering understatement.
868
00:45:26,643 --> 00:45:28,805
Can you define irony?
869
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,138
It's when the actual meaning
is the complete opposite...
870
00:45:31,173 --> 00:45:32,836
from the literal meaning.
871
00:45:32,871 --> 00:45:36,433
Yeah. My god.
872
00:45:37,631 --> 00:45:40,628
Where were you
when I needed you today?
873
00:45:40,728 --> 00:45:42,591
I... I should go.
874
00:45:42,626 --> 00:45:46,123
Oh, come on. Isn't there
some statute of limitations...
875
00:45:46,158 --> 00:45:48,221
for embarrassing incidents?
876
00:45:50,718 --> 00:45:52,916
Your bravado was embarrassing.
877
00:45:56,312 --> 00:45:59,174
Hey, Troy, come on.
878
00:45:59,209 --> 00:46:01,507
You can stay with me
for one cigarette.
879
00:46:01,607 --> 00:46:04,704
I know you can stay with me
for one cigarette.
880
00:46:04,739 --> 00:46:07,801
You, me, five bucks,
good conversation.
881
00:46:07,901 --> 00:46:09,399
Right?
882
00:46:11,297 --> 00:46:12,496
Lainie...
883
00:46:14,594 --> 00:46:17,541
Troy, you haven't been home
in four days.
884
00:46:17,576 --> 00:46:20,488
I mean, where have you
been sleeping?
885
00:46:23,185 --> 00:46:24,783
I got to go.
886
00:46:31,476 --> 00:46:35,173
Mom, I need to talk to you
about a loan.
887
00:46:40,667 --> 00:46:42,265
Is it for drugs?
888
00:46:44,463 --> 00:46:47,061
No. No, it's not for drugs.
889
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:50,058
I was f...
I lost my job.
890
00:46:51,156 --> 00:46:52,555
But you shouldn't have
any trouble...
891
00:46:52,655 --> 00:46:54,253
finding another job,
sugar bugger.
892
00:46:54,288 --> 00:46:55,917
No. See, I tried.
893
00:46:55,952 --> 00:46:58,549
I applied for every single
opening in my field...
894
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,945
but there's just...
There's nothing right now.
895
00:47:03,144 --> 00:47:07,340
Hmm. Well...
then I hate to say it but...
896
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:08,838
times are hard.
897
00:47:08,938 --> 00:47:10,836
You're just gonna
have to swallow your pride.
898
00:47:12,635 --> 00:47:15,631
Why don't you get a job
at Burgerama? They'll hire you.
899
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:17,694
My lord, I saw on the TV...
900
00:47:17,729 --> 00:47:21,625
they had this little retarded
boy working the cash register.
901
00:47:21,660 --> 00:47:25,087
Because I'm not retarded, mom.
902
00:47:25,122 --> 00:47:28,019
I was valedictorian
of my university.
903
00:47:28,119 --> 00:47:32,714
Well, you don't have to put that
down on your application.
904
00:47:39,607 --> 00:47:41,570
Miss Pierce,
do you have any idea...
905
00:47:41,605 --> 00:47:45,066
what it means to be a cashier
at Wiener Schnitzel?
906
00:47:45,101 --> 00:47:48,898
Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders
and making change, and, uh...
907
00:47:48,932 --> 00:47:50,061
"thank you. "
908
00:47:50,096 --> 00:47:51,760
No. It's a juggling act.
909
00:47:51,795 --> 00:47:56,290
A juggling act? You mean,
like, metaphorically?
910
00:47:56,390 --> 00:47:59,087
No. I mean, you got people
coming at you from the front...
911
00:47:59,122 --> 00:48:01,585
coming at you from the back,
from the sides...
912
00:48:01,684 --> 00:48:03,583
people at the condiment
exchange...
913
00:48:03,682 --> 00:48:06,779
people at the drive-thru,
kids on bikes...
914
00:48:06,814 --> 00:48:09,077
and they're all
depending on who?
915
00:48:09,177 --> 00:48:10,575
-Me?
-Yeah.
916
00:48:10,675 --> 00:48:13,073
You got time to lean,
you got time to clean, buddy.
917
00:48:13,173 --> 00:48:14,436
All right?
918
00:48:14,471 --> 00:48:16,569
You got to be 150 percent
on your toes...
919
00:48:16,669 --> 00:48:18,168
150 percent of the time.
920
00:48:18,268 --> 00:48:21,065
There you go, sir.
And have a 'tude, wiener dude.
921
00:48:21,165 --> 00:48:22,663
All rightie.
922
00:48:23,662 --> 00:48:26,060
OK. I'm going to throw
a few numbers out at you...
923
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,857
and you put them together in
your head as quick as you can.
924
00:48:28,892 --> 00:48:29,921
-OK?
-OK.
925
00:48:29,956 --> 00:48:31,454
Eighty-five and forty-five. Go.
926
00:48:32,653 --> 00:48:33,852
One... forty?
927
00:48:33,887 --> 00:48:34,651
Nope.
928
00:48:34,751 --> 00:48:36,914
-One... fifty?
-Nope.
929
00:48:36,949 --> 00:48:39,546
-One-sixty?
-It's not an auction.
930
00:48:39,646 --> 00:48:44,341
Miss Pierce, there's a reason
I've been here six months.
931
00:49:02,722 --> 00:49:04,121
WEATHERMAN:
For the entire summertime...
932
00:49:04,156 --> 00:49:05,385
occurring in one day.
933
00:49:05,419 --> 00:49:07,417
Then last night we had
snow reports in Utah.
934
00:49:07,452 --> 00:49:08,916
Today reports of I-70...
935
00:49:12,612 --> 00:49:14,076
Royalton Hotel.
936
00:49:14,111 --> 00:49:15,609
Oh, hi.
Is this the Royalton Hotel?
937
00:49:15,644 --> 00:49:17,073
That's what I said.
938
00:49:17,108 --> 00:49:18,571
Oh, sorry.
I didn't hear you.
939
00:49:18,606 --> 00:49:21,103
I'm looking for a guest there.
His name is Michael Grates.
940
00:49:21,138 --> 00:49:23,002
Hold one moment, please.
941
00:49:25,799 --> 00:49:27,162
That guest is out.
942
00:49:27,197 --> 00:49:29,060
Would you like
to leave a message?
943
00:49:29,095 --> 00:49:31,293
Oh... no. That's OK.
I'll just try again later.
944
00:49:31,328 --> 00:49:32,592
Thanks.
945
00:49:37,587 --> 00:49:41,083
Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode
and welcome to "Wedgie"...
946
00:49:41,183 --> 00:49:42,582
the world of hip couture.
947
00:49:42,681 --> 00:49:45,079
This week, we're
in south-central Los Angeles...
948
00:49:45,179 --> 00:49:47,077
at the intersection
of Florence and Normandy...
949
00:49:47,177 --> 00:49:49,075
the flashpoint of fashion.
950
00:49:49,175 --> 00:49:51,772
The phattest gangsta trend
will increase your peace.
951
00:49:51,807 --> 00:49:53,570
This bandanna by Donna Karin...
952
00:49:53,670 --> 00:49:56,068
is blue for Crips,
red for Bloods...
953
00:49:56,168 --> 00:49:57,866
and only costs
seventy-five dollars.
954
00:50:27,636 --> 00:50:29,634
Lainie, have you seen
a pack of guitar strings?
955
00:50:29,734 --> 00:50:31,731
I have to bring them
to the club.
956
00:50:31,831 --> 00:50:33,395
You know,
I hope he knows...
957
00:50:33,430 --> 00:50:36,626
that he still has to
pay some rent around here.
958
00:50:36,661 --> 00:50:38,589
I mean... Ha ha.
959
00:50:38,624 --> 00:50:41,422
I don't know where he thinks
he's spending his nights, but...
960
00:50:42,820 --> 00:50:44,319
Do you know?
961
00:50:46,616 --> 00:50:49,813
I'm late for a jean-folding
seminar. Let's locomote.
962
00:50:56,406 --> 00:50:58,604
Now you can call
your own personal psychic...
963
00:50:58,639 --> 00:51:00,602
anytime 24 hours a day...
964
00:51:00,702 --> 00:51:03,799
thanks to the nationwide
Psychic Discovery Network.
965
00:51:03,834 --> 00:51:05,714
You can pick up the phone
and talk directly...
966
00:51:05,749 --> 00:51:07,595
with an established
professional psychic...
967
00:51:07,630 --> 00:51:09,693
in the privacy of your own home.
968
00:51:09,793 --> 00:51:12,790
I was unhappy in my career,
and I needed a change.
969
00:51:12,825 --> 00:51:14,553
But I didn't know what to do.
970
00:51:14,588 --> 00:51:18,783
It's just that nothing
is going down according to plan.
971
00:51:18,818 --> 00:51:21,581
I mean, my best friend...
972
00:51:21,681 --> 00:51:24,078
I feel like I've
lost him forever...
973
00:51:24,178 --> 00:51:28,573
and he was like
my touchstone, you know.
974
00:51:28,673 --> 00:51:30,072
WOMAN ON TELEPHONE:
This man...
975
00:51:30,172 --> 00:51:32,335
does his name start
with the letter "N"?
976
00:51:32,370 --> 00:51:37,065
Because I'm getting
a very strong "N" vibration.
977
00:51:37,165 --> 00:51:39,562
Newsstand.
"N," newsstand.
978
00:51:39,662 --> 00:51:41,061
He used to work
at a newsstand.
979
00:51:41,161 --> 00:51:42,559
Uh-huh.
980
00:51:42,659 --> 00:51:45,157
Oh, god.
This is unbelievable.
981
00:51:45,192 --> 00:51:47,619
Honey,
that's not all I'm getting.
982
00:51:47,654 --> 00:51:50,651
There are people
I know from high school...
983
00:51:50,686 --> 00:51:54,647
who are already married
and having babies.
984
00:51:54,682 --> 00:51:57,709
I mean, babies, OK?
985
00:51:57,744 --> 00:51:59,392
I can't even take care
of a Chia Pet.
986
00:51:59,427 --> 00:52:01,040
Well, honey,
I didn't have kids...
987
00:52:01,140 --> 00:52:03,038
until I was on
my third husband.
988
00:52:03,138 --> 00:52:04,537
Oh, really?
989
00:52:04,572 --> 00:52:05,935
All Geminis.
990
00:52:08,133 --> 00:52:10,231
You know
what I think, Tanell?
991
00:52:11,230 --> 00:52:13,378
I think you still
really love Monty.
992
00:52:13,413 --> 00:52:15,526
Yeah,
you're probably right...
993
00:52:15,626 --> 00:52:17,024
but it don't matter now.
994
00:52:17,124 --> 00:52:19,022
Oh, yes,
it does, Tanell.
995
00:52:19,122 --> 00:52:23,018
I know you're afraid,
but you've got to find him...
996
00:52:23,118 --> 00:52:26,115
and you've got to tell him
how you really feel.
997
00:52:26,215 --> 00:52:28,912
Find him? I got...
998
00:52:28,947 --> 00:52:30,410
Lelaina.
999
00:52:31,409 --> 00:52:33,108
We need to talk to you.
1000
00:52:36,304 --> 00:52:38,702
Hold on, Tanell.
Hold on.
1001
00:52:38,802 --> 00:52:40,665
I'm on the phone.
1002
00:52:40,700 --> 00:52:41,999
Yeah, I can see that...
1003
00:52:42,099 --> 00:52:44,496
and we have a four-hundred
and six dollar phone bill...
1004
00:52:44,531 --> 00:52:47,710
mainly due to some calls
to a 1-900 number.
1005
00:52:47,745 --> 00:52:50,855
Lelaina,
I'm so seriously troubled...
1006
00:52:50,890 --> 00:52:52,888
Listen, we'd help you
out, but we're broke, too.
1007
00:52:52,922 --> 00:52:54,885
And you know we can't afford
a new deposit...
1008
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,283
if the phone gets shut off.
1009
00:52:59,780 --> 00:53:02,977
Maybe you could borrow
the money from Michael.
1010
00:53:03,012 --> 00:53:05,375
No, Sammy. Jesus.
1011
00:53:05,475 --> 00:53:07,637
Lainie,
what are you doing?
1012
00:53:07,672 --> 00:53:10,270
What are you doing?
You lay on that couch all day.
1013
00:53:10,370 --> 00:53:11,868
Those pajamas
are like your uniform.
1014
00:53:11,968 --> 00:53:14,266
You run up a four-hundred dollar
phone bill.
1015
00:53:14,301 --> 00:53:15,929
You watch TV.
You chain-smoke.
1016
00:53:15,964 --> 00:53:17,862
You don't go outside.
You don't do anything.
1017
00:53:17,897 --> 00:53:20,424
Man, you are in the bell jar.
1018
00:53:20,459 --> 00:53:26,353
Look, this is my apartment.
I signed the lease.
1019
00:53:26,453 --> 00:53:29,850
I let you move in here when you
had no job, no money...
1020
00:53:29,950 --> 00:53:31,848
and you sponged off me
for two months!
1021
00:53:31,948 --> 00:53:33,411
Sponged? Uh-huh.
1022
00:53:33,446 --> 00:53:34,945
And now Miss Big Power Marm...
1023
00:53:35,045 --> 00:53:36,343
Miss "I'm manager
of the Gap now"...
1024
00:53:36,443 --> 00:53:38,441
you think you can just come
in here and push me around?!
1025
00:53:38,541 --> 00:53:40,504
She's not being pushy.
1026
00:53:40,539 --> 00:53:44,235
Sammy, what are you even
doing here? You don't live here!
1027
00:53:44,270 --> 00:53:46,398
Hey, my little
unemployed waif...
1028
00:53:46,433 --> 00:53:49,230
you're the one who's looking
for work now, OK?
1029
00:53:49,265 --> 00:53:52,027
God, you're really
enjoying this, aren't you?
1030
00:53:52,062 --> 00:53:53,391
You're high.
1031
00:53:53,426 --> 00:53:56,023
Why don't you go take a walk
outside and get some fresh air?
1032
00:53:57,621 --> 00:54:00,319
You've been waiting for this
since the day we met.
1033
00:54:00,419 --> 00:54:02,616
Who told you that?
Your psychic partner?
1034
00:54:06,113 --> 00:54:08,910
I'll tell you the problem
with your generation.
1035
00:54:08,945 --> 00:54:10,373
You don't have any work ethic.
1036
00:54:10,408 --> 00:54:12,371
Now, you take your friend Troy,
for example.
1037
00:54:12,406 --> 00:54:14,904
I went out of my way to set up
an interview for him...
1038
00:54:14,939 --> 00:54:16,902
and he didn't even
bother to show up.
1039
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:21,647
That wasn't his fault.
He asked me to call and cancel.
1040
00:54:21,682 --> 00:54:24,859
And everything was going on.
And it slipped my mind.
1041
00:54:24,894 --> 00:54:28,140
And I'm... sorry, but, you know,
I have a work ethic, dad.
1042
00:54:28,175 --> 00:54:31,779
I have a very strong work ethic,
you know. Ask anyone.
1043
00:54:31,814 --> 00:54:34,597
Then all you got to do
is show some ingenuity, hmm?
1044
00:54:34,632 --> 00:54:37,381
Darling, I love you, and I hate
to break your plate...
1045
00:54:37,416 --> 00:54:39,344
but you got to grow up sometime.
1046
00:54:39,379 --> 00:54:43,375
Now, I want you to go out there
and show me some ingenuity, hmm?
1047
00:54:59,558 --> 00:55:02,455
Let me talk
with you, my baby
1048
00:55:02,490 --> 00:55:04,820
It is bad to say
that maybe
1049
00:55:04,855 --> 00:55:07,152
It is time for you
to say we
1050
00:55:07,187 --> 00:55:09,448
Came to share
a point of view
1051
00:55:09,483 --> 00:55:11,346
Living in the never-never
1052
00:55:11,446 --> 00:55:14,493
Dropping out of here together
1053
00:55:14,528 --> 00:55:17,540
I could spend some time
forever
1054
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,437
With a girl like you,
let me hear you say
1055
00:55:20,472 --> 00:55:24,333
Let's go, ooh
1056
00:55:24,433 --> 00:55:29,927
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah
1057
00:55:29,962 --> 00:55:32,690
Let's go
1058
00:55:32,724 --> 00:55:34,687
Ooh, ooh, ooh
1059
00:55:34,722 --> 00:55:38,718
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah
1060
00:55:38,753 --> 00:55:41,615
Right here on earth.
1061
00:55:41,715 --> 00:55:45,312
Looking for tomorrow
1062
00:55:47,410 --> 00:55:50,406
Can you see us one day?
1063
00:55:52,404 --> 00:55:55,002
Beg or steal or borrow
1064
00:55:57,399 --> 00:56:00,296
We could live forever
1065
00:56:01,995 --> 00:56:04,592
Never to say never
1066
00:56:04,627 --> 00:56:07,189
You will be for me
1067
00:56:07,289 --> 00:56:10,586
I will fight for you, now
1068
00:56:10,686 --> 00:56:12,549
Let's go
1069
00:56:12,584 --> 00:56:14,482
Ooh, ooh, ooh
1070
00:56:14,582 --> 00:56:18,678
You want to turn it in,
turn it into heaven, yeah...
1071
00:56:22,973 --> 00:56:24,871
Well, that solves
our first problem.
1072
00:56:24,971 --> 00:56:26,869
Rent's due this week.
1073
00:56:30,266 --> 00:56:31,729
Well, well.
1074
00:56:31,764 --> 00:56:35,560
Look who finally decided
to grace us with his...
1075
00:56:37,059 --> 00:56:38,422
Presence.
1076
00:56:38,457 --> 00:56:40,755
This is...
This is, uh, Jean.
1077
00:56:40,855 --> 00:56:41,919
Janine.
1078
00:56:41,954 --> 00:56:46,949
Uh, Janine. Janine.
It's a little loud in the club.
1079
00:56:47,049 --> 00:56:48,447
Excuse me.
1080
00:56:49,946 --> 00:56:51,344
Can't stay here, Troy.
1081
00:56:51,444 --> 00:56:53,842
I'm just gonna
pick something up.
1082
00:56:53,942 --> 00:56:55,240
Well...
1083
00:56:55,340 --> 00:56:59,236
Mission accomplished.
Now leave.
1084
00:56:59,336 --> 00:57:01,099
I think maybe
I'm gonna wait...
1085
00:57:01,134 --> 00:57:03,432
Always the mistress
of etiquette, huh, Lainie?
1086
00:57:03,467 --> 00:57:04,895
Just out of curiosity...
1087
00:57:04,930 --> 00:57:07,028
why are you suddenly acting
like a jealous girlfriend?
1088
00:57:07,128 --> 00:57:09,626
All right. We're just
trying to pay bills here, OK?
1089
00:57:09,661 --> 00:57:11,888
So, Troy, if you got
any money...
1090
00:57:11,923 --> 00:57:15,520
Money? Oh, but what's
money to an artist?
1091
00:57:15,555 --> 00:57:19,116
To a philosopher?
It's just green-colored paper...
1092
00:57:19,216 --> 00:57:21,379
that floats in and out
of his life like snow.
1093
00:57:21,414 --> 00:57:23,811
It's nothing you actually have
to, I don't know, work for...
1094
00:57:23,846 --> 00:57:25,010
is it, Troy?
1095
00:57:25,110 --> 00:57:26,708
No, not if you have
daddy's little gas card.
1096
00:57:26,743 --> 00:57:28,172
You shut up!
1097
00:57:28,207 --> 00:57:30,804
You shut up! I busted my ass
to find a job, any job!
1098
00:57:30,839 --> 00:57:33,019
You don't even bother
showing up for interviews!
1099
00:57:33,054 --> 00:57:35,200
What is it that you want
from me? Huh? What is it?
1100
00:57:35,299 --> 00:57:36,698
You want me to get a job
on the line...
1101
00:57:36,798 --> 00:57:38,361
for the next 20 years,
until I'm granted leave...
1102
00:57:38,396 --> 00:57:40,744
with my gold-plated watch
and my balls full of tumors...
1103
00:57:40,779 --> 00:57:43,092
because I surrendered the one
thing that means shit to me?
1104
00:57:43,127 --> 00:57:44,555
Well, honey,
you can just exhale...
1105
00:57:44,590 --> 00:57:47,487
because it's not gonna happen,
not in this lifetime.
1106
00:57:48,486 --> 00:57:50,484
All right, fine!
You don't want to work, fine!
1107
00:57:50,519 --> 00:57:51,948
Lainie, goddamn it!
1108
00:57:51,982 --> 00:57:54,480
You want to be a band,
then be a goddamn band!
1109
00:57:54,515 --> 00:57:55,978
Rehearse every day!
Play every night!
1110
00:57:56,013 --> 00:57:57,442
Play three times a night!
1111
00:57:57,477 --> 00:58:01,473
Don't just dick around the same
coffeehouse for five years!
1112
00:58:01,573 --> 00:58:04,470
Don't dick around
with her or with me.
1113
00:58:04,570 --> 00:58:06,468
I mean, try at something,
for once in your life!
1114
00:58:06,568 --> 00:58:08,531
Do something about it,
but you know what?
1115
00:58:08,566 --> 00:58:10,963
You better do it now,
and you better do it fast...
1116
00:58:11,063 --> 00:58:13,560
because the world
doesn't owe you any favors...
1117
00:58:13,595 --> 00:58:15,024
and whether
you know it or not...
1118
00:58:15,059 --> 00:58:17,257
you're on the inside track
to Loserville, U.S.A...
1119
00:58:17,292 --> 00:58:19,554
just like him.
1120
00:58:29,444 --> 00:58:31,942
OK. It's just
too psychotic in here now.
1121
00:58:31,977 --> 00:58:34,439
All right, Lelaina,
let's go for a walk.
1122
00:58:35,738 --> 00:58:36,737
Fine.
1123
00:58:38,235 --> 00:58:41,032
Come on, man.
Let them go.
1124
00:58:43,530 --> 00:58:47,226
With pleasure, my friends.
With pleasure. Ha.
1125
00:58:47,326 --> 00:58:49,524
"With pleasure"? You know
who I really feel sorry for...
1126
00:58:49,559 --> 00:58:50,822
is that poor girl.
1127
00:58:51,022 --> 00:58:53,170
Oh, how about when he sneaks
his laundry in with ours?
1128
00:58:53,205 --> 00:58:55,318
It's like I'm pulling
that stuff out of the dryer...
1129
00:58:55,353 --> 00:58:56,816
and there's five pairs
of his boxers...
1130
00:58:56,851 --> 00:58:58,280
I just washed unknowingly.
1131
00:58:58,315 --> 00:59:00,063
No, I'll just throw it
back in his face.
1132
00:59:00,098 --> 00:59:02,203
Yeah, like I'm gonna
do his laundry. Yeah.
1133
00:59:02,238 --> 00:59:04,309
He's weird. He's strange.
He's sloppy.
1134
00:59:04,344 --> 00:59:06,372
He's a total nightmare
for women.
1135
00:59:06,407 --> 00:59:09,304
I can't believe
I haven't slept with him yet.
1136
00:59:10,602 --> 00:59:12,201
Do you ever wish
you were a lesbian?
1137
00:59:13,399 --> 00:59:16,197
Don't you think it would be
so much easier?
1138
00:59:17,695 --> 00:59:20,158
Sometimes, but...
1139
00:59:20,193 --> 00:59:22,440
Nah. I couldn't
go through with it.
1140
00:59:22,475 --> 00:59:24,730
I'd start laughing
or something.
1141
00:59:24,765 --> 00:59:26,986
But it's such a shame...
1142
00:59:27,185 --> 00:59:29,233
because I am
so through with men.
1143
00:59:29,268 --> 00:59:31,273
If one more guy
walks out on me...
1144
00:59:31,308 --> 00:59:33,244
I don't even know what.
I swear.
1145
00:59:33,279 --> 00:59:35,377
What are you
talking about...
1146
00:59:35,412 --> 00:59:37,475
Walk out on you?
You walk out on them.
1147
00:59:37,575 --> 00:59:38,938
I've seen you.
1148
00:59:38,973 --> 00:59:41,071
You're out the door
before the condom comes off.
1149
00:59:42,070 --> 00:59:44,568
Listen to me, I'm just
beating them to the punch.
1150
00:59:44,603 --> 00:59:45,766
OK.
1151
00:59:48,863 --> 00:59:51,760
You don't even know
I'm sitting here...
1152
00:59:51,860 --> 00:59:53,359
maybe...
1153
00:59:54,857 --> 00:59:56,655
Probably dying of A.I.D.S.
1154
01:00:03,648 --> 01:00:06,645
And I'm totally alone.
1155
01:00:10,741 --> 01:00:12,239
Vickie...
1156
01:00:13,738 --> 01:00:15,701
Well, uh...
1157
01:00:15,736 --> 01:00:17,434
you're not alone.
1158
01:00:19,432 --> 01:00:23,228
Hey. Look, I'm sorry
for everything I said...
1159
01:00:23,263 --> 01:00:26,542
and I'm sorry
for being such a bitch...
1160
01:00:26,577 --> 01:00:29,698
but I have to tell you,
you're not alone.
1161
01:00:29,733 --> 01:00:32,773
You're not, and you're not
dying of A.I.D.S.
1162
01:00:32,808 --> 01:00:35,815
You don't understand.
Every day, all day...
1163
01:00:35,850 --> 01:00:38,313
it's all that I think about, OK?
1164
01:00:38,348 --> 01:00:39,776
Every time I sneeze...
1165
01:00:39,811 --> 01:00:42,808
it's like I'm four sneezes away
from the hospice.
1166
01:00:42,843 --> 01:00:44,973
And it's like it's not even
happening to me.
1167
01:00:45,008 --> 01:00:47,104
It's like I'm watching it
on some crappy show...
1168
01:00:47,304 --> 01:00:48,602
like "Melrose Place"
or some shit, right?
1169
01:00:48,637 --> 01:00:49,866
And I'm the new character.
1170
01:00:49,901 --> 01:00:51,365
I'm the H.I.V.-A.I.D.S.
character...
1171
01:00:51,399 --> 01:00:53,497
and I live in the building,
and I teach everybody...
1172
01:00:53,532 --> 01:00:55,595
that it's OK to be near me,
it's OK to talk to me...
1173
01:00:55,695 --> 01:00:57,094
and then I die...
1174
01:00:57,194 --> 01:00:59,092
and there's everybody
at my funeral...
1175
01:00:59,192 --> 01:01:01,689
wearing halter tops and chokers
or some shit like that.
1176
01:01:02,988 --> 01:01:05,650
Vickie, stop, OK?
Just stop.
1177
01:01:05,685 --> 01:01:07,833
You're freaking out,
and you know what?
1178
01:01:07,868 --> 01:01:09,946
You're gonna have to deal
with the results.
1179
01:01:09,981 --> 01:01:11,779
Whatever they are, we're gonna
have to deal with them...
1180
01:01:11,814 --> 01:01:13,544
just like we've dealt
with everything else.
1181
01:01:13,579 --> 01:01:15,275
This isn't like
everything else.
1182
01:01:15,310 --> 01:01:17,473
I know that, all right?
1183
01:01:17,573 --> 01:01:20,270
But it's gonna be OK,
you know?
1184
01:01:20,305 --> 01:01:21,968
I know it's gonna be OK.
1185
01:01:26,763 --> 01:01:30,260
"Melrose Place"
is a really good show.
1186
01:01:38,352 --> 01:01:40,849
WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER:
Lelaina Pierce.
1187
01:01:42,148 --> 01:01:44,945
Is there a Lelaina Pierce here?
1188
01:01:47,842 --> 01:01:49,141
Yeah.
1189
01:01:56,233 --> 01:01:57,732
Hello.
Lelaina?
1190
01:01:57,767 --> 01:01:58,931
Ha ha! Hi!
1191
01:01:59,031 --> 01:02:00,529
Look, I had to
call you right away.
1192
01:02:00,729 --> 01:02:02,227
Listen, listen.
Don't kill me, OK?
1193
01:02:02,262 --> 01:02:03,426
What? What?
1194
01:02:03,526 --> 01:02:05,024
I took the tape,
and I showed it.
1195
01:02:05,224 --> 01:02:06,688
No.
1196
01:02:06,723 --> 01:02:09,320
Wait, wait, wait. Listen.
They freaked out.
1197
01:02:09,355 --> 01:02:10,818
They want to buy them.
1198
01:02:10,853 --> 01:02:12,684
-No.
-Yes.
1199
01:02:12,719 --> 01:02:14,480
They liked it?
1200
01:02:14,515 --> 01:02:17,012
No, no. I mean, they, like,
psychotically loved it.
1201
01:02:17,047 --> 01:02:19,510
They want to pay you for it.
1202
01:02:19,610 --> 01:02:21,473
I know this isn't P B.S.,
but is this OK?
1203
01:02:21,508 --> 01:02:24,305
Yes! I was this close to selling
fruit at intersections.
1204
01:02:24,340 --> 01:02:26,268
Well, don't, all right?
Don't.
1205
01:02:26,303 --> 01:02:27,901
Just hang on, and I'm gonna
get you some money...
1206
01:02:27,936 --> 01:02:29,599
and I'm gonna be down there
in a few days...
1207
01:02:29,634 --> 01:02:30,863
and I just...
I'm just, like...
1208
01:02:30,898 --> 01:02:32,696
I'm thinking about you
every second here.
1209
01:02:34,195 --> 01:02:35,858
Hello! Hello! Hello!
1210
01:02:35,893 --> 01:02:37,391
Hello! Can you hear me now?
1211
01:02:37,426 --> 01:02:39,389
Where are you?
1212
01:02:39,589 --> 01:02:40,853
I'm in a phone booth.
1213
01:02:40,888 --> 01:02:42,951
Why are you
on a cellular phone?
1214
01:02:42,986 --> 01:02:45,383
I don't know.
I have no idea. I'm just...
1215
01:02:45,483 --> 01:02:48,980
Michael, Michael, Michael,
I... I really miss you!
1216
01:02:49,015 --> 01:02:51,277
I really miss you, too.
I love you. Oh! Whoa!
1217
01:02:51,312 --> 01:02:54,274
I mean... I mean...
you amaze me.
1218
01:02:54,309 --> 01:02:56,139
No! You amaze me!
1219
01:02:56,174 --> 01:02:57,822
Hello?
1220
01:02:57,857 --> 01:02:59,434
Can you hear me?
1221
01:02:59,469 --> 01:03:01,467
Michael, I'm losing you.
1222
01:03:01,567 --> 01:03:04,264
I'm gonna call you back.
Wait. What?
1223
01:03:08,360 --> 01:03:13,255
Pay phone outside...
always amazes me.
1224
01:03:13,754 --> 01:03:14,853
Hey.
1225
01:03:15,852 --> 01:03:17,850
"Try me. I'm free. "
1226
01:03:20,348 --> 01:03:22,346
Good mag. Good mag.
1227
01:03:24,643 --> 01:03:28,140
-Negatory.
-Yeah! All right!
1228
01:03:28,339 --> 01:03:30,637
Did you hear that?
Negative!
1229
01:03:30,837 --> 01:03:33,534
Here. Let me see that.
1230
01:03:33,569 --> 01:03:36,196
Hey, hey! All rightie!
1231
01:03:36,231 --> 01:03:38,229
Thanks
for the help, Lainie.
1232
01:03:38,264 --> 01:03:40,227
A celebration zoom.
1233
01:03:40,262 --> 01:03:42,989
OK. Enough.
1234
01:03:43,024 --> 01:03:45,222
-Ma!
-I'm right here, son.
1235
01:03:45,257 --> 01:03:47,185
-Ma.
-Yeah?
1236
01:03:47,220 --> 01:03:51,516
I have to tell you
some... thing.
1237
01:03:51,551 --> 01:03:56,810
I am... a... homo... sexual.
1238
01:03:57,809 --> 01:04:02,305
Oh, Christ. Is there a support
group that I can join...
1239
01:04:02,340 --> 01:04:05,801
to help me come to terms
with my own homophobia?
1240
01:04:05,836 --> 01:04:07,764
Yes, there is...
1241
01:04:07,799 --> 01:04:10,262
a group which is named
P F L.A.G....
1242
01:04:10,297 --> 01:04:15,192
Parents and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays.
1243
01:04:16,191 --> 01:04:19,153
Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G.
1244
01:04:19,188 --> 01:04:22,484
I'm beginning to like
the sound of that.
1245
01:04:24,982 --> 01:04:27,679
What you've just witnessed here
is a preenactment...
1246
01:04:27,714 --> 01:04:30,476
of events that are
about to take place.
1247
01:04:32,774 --> 01:04:39,467
Well... I came out to her, and...
1248
01:04:39,567 --> 01:04:43,263
she's still
a little bit upset.
1249
01:04:43,463 --> 01:04:45,261
But you know...
1250
01:04:46,859 --> 01:04:49,257
You know, I think
the real reason...
1251
01:04:49,357 --> 01:04:51,520
that I've been celibate
for so long...
1252
01:04:51,555 --> 01:04:55,251
isn't really because I'm
that terrified of the big "A"...
1253
01:04:55,351 --> 01:04:57,848
but because I can't really
start my life...
1254
01:04:57,883 --> 01:05:00,346
without being honest
about who I am and...
1255
01:05:02,344 --> 01:05:04,641
SAMMY ON TAPE:
I want to be in there, too.
1256
01:05:04,841 --> 01:05:09,636
I want to feel miserable
and happy and all of that.
1257
01:05:09,836 --> 01:05:11,634
I mean, I...
1258
01:05:11,834 --> 01:05:13,632
I want to...
1259
01:05:15,930 --> 01:05:18,727
I want to be let back
in the house.
1260
01:05:29,216 --> 01:05:32,812
Hello. Oh, hi.
1261
01:05:33,012 --> 01:05:35,275
Um... sorry.
1262
01:05:35,310 --> 01:05:38,307
Just... the door was...
1263
01:05:38,342 --> 01:05:39,506
So I just, um...
1264
01:05:40,804 --> 01:05:42,802
Yeah, she's getting dressed.
1265
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:45,899
Great.
1266
01:05:55,889 --> 01:05:57,387
I'll just...
1267
01:06:06,178 --> 01:06:08,176
Oh, I, um...
I don't know if she told you...
1268
01:06:08,211 --> 01:06:09,640
but I just came back
from New York...
1269
01:06:09,675 --> 01:06:12,772
with the tapes that she made,
and the stuff of you...
1270
01:06:12,807 --> 01:06:14,935
it's really...
it's really great stuff.
1271
01:06:14,969 --> 01:06:18,266
Really. That whole...
that whole thing about...
1272
01:06:18,301 --> 01:06:21,763
"Nobody can eat all the eggs,"
that was...
1273
01:06:21,798 --> 01:06:23,226
that was really...
1274
01:06:23,261 --> 01:06:25,259
I was quoting
Cool Hand Luke.
1275
01:06:26,957 --> 01:06:29,904
Yeah. That's OK.
I mean... That's... I know.
1276
01:06:29,939 --> 01:06:32,851
It's... I mean... You know...
It's still... It's...
1277
01:06:33,451 --> 01:06:35,349
Hi.
1278
01:06:35,449 --> 01:06:37,746
-Hi.
-Hi.
1279
01:06:37,846 --> 01:06:40,044
What happened
to your normal clothes?
1280
01:06:40,144 --> 01:06:42,192
Wow!
Lelaina, look at you.
1281
01:06:42,227 --> 01:06:45,231
You look...
Where'd you get that dress?
1282
01:06:45,266 --> 01:06:48,236
Oh, um... I don't know.
I just bought it.
1283
01:06:48,335 --> 01:06:50,933
But I think I'm gonna
go change because...
1284
01:06:50,968 --> 01:06:52,231
No, don't.
You look beautiful.
1285
01:06:52,331 --> 01:06:54,629
You look like...
You look like...
1286
01:06:54,664 --> 01:06:56,128
A doily.
1287
01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:02,186
-I'm gonna change.
-No, don't change.
1288
01:07:02,221 --> 01:07:04,419
And don't go thinking
for yourself either, Lainie.
1289
01:07:04,519 --> 01:07:06,617
Hey, what is your glitch, huh?
1290
01:07:06,652 --> 01:07:08,415
My "glitch"?
1291
01:07:08,515 --> 01:07:11,277
You know what?
We're already late.
1292
01:07:11,312 --> 01:07:13,560
No, no, no, no.
Hang on a second here.
1293
01:07:13,595 --> 01:07:15,849
Do you have, like, a problem
with me or something?
1294
01:07:15,884 --> 01:07:18,193
Because if you do, let's just
get this out, all right?
1295
01:07:18,228 --> 01:07:20,913
Seriously, is there, like...
I mean, have I, like, uh...
1296
01:07:20,948 --> 01:07:23,600
stepped over some line in
the sands of coolness with you?
1297
01:07:23,634 --> 01:07:25,363
Because.. Because...
No, no, no. Excuse me...
1298
01:07:25,398 --> 01:07:27,496
if somebody doesn't know
the secret handshake with you.
1299
01:07:27,595 --> 01:07:29,593
There's no secret handshake.
1300
01:07:29,693 --> 01:07:33,390
There's an I.Q. prerequisite,
but there's no secret handshake.
1301
01:07:34,988 --> 01:07:36,751
I... This is... You... No...
1302
01:07:36,786 --> 01:07:39,633
This guy... you've got this whole
thing with the world.
1303
01:07:39,668 --> 01:07:42,480
Don't you? Huh? That's great.
That's really wonderful.
1304
01:07:42,515 --> 01:07:44,079
But guess what.
I'm a human being, OK?
1305
01:07:44,179 --> 01:07:46,042
We're human beings,
people, OK?
1306
01:07:46,077 --> 01:07:50,272
We're not, like, intelligence
quotations or whatever.
1307
01:07:50,307 --> 01:07:52,270
-Just ignore him.
-No!
1308
01:07:52,305 --> 01:07:53,469
Done.
1309
01:07:56,766 --> 01:07:58,764
Come on. Let's go.
You don't need this.
1310
01:07:58,864 --> 01:08:00,662
You don't know
what she needs.
1311
01:08:02,859 --> 01:08:05,557
I think I know what she needs
in a way that you never will.
1312
01:08:11,351 --> 01:08:12,949
Let's go.
1313
01:08:18,843 --> 01:08:21,241
Baby, tell me
that my love ain't good
1314
01:08:21,341 --> 01:08:26,735
I don't treat you right,
I don't do you like I should...
1315
01:08:26,835 --> 01:08:29,233
Listen,
that's got to be back here, OK?
1316
01:08:29,432 --> 01:08:30,931
-Hi.
-Hi.
1317
01:08:31,930 --> 01:08:33,393
So, you ready?
1318
01:08:33,428 --> 01:08:35,226
Well, what's it like?
I mean...
1319
01:08:35,326 --> 01:08:36,925
It's great. It's great.
1320
01:08:37,025 --> 01:08:38,723
I mean, I haven't actually
seen it yet...
1321
01:08:38,823 --> 01:08:41,070
but we had our best guys
working on it...
1322
01:08:41,105 --> 01:08:43,710
and, you know, we just put
some titles on...
1323
01:08:43,745 --> 01:08:46,315
and shaped it a little bit.
It's gonna be great.
1324
01:08:46,350 --> 01:08:47,581
OK.
1325
01:08:47,616 --> 01:08:49,163
OK, OK.
1326
01:08:49,198 --> 01:08:50,711
OK. Thanks.
1327
01:08:51,710 --> 01:08:54,772
OK, everybody,
it's a special night...
1328
01:08:54,806 --> 01:08:56,804
because, as you know,
we're entering into...
1329
01:08:56,839 --> 01:08:58,303
a new phase
here at the channel...
1330
01:08:58,338 --> 01:09:00,266
real programming.
1331
01:09:00,301 --> 01:09:02,798
And our first step
is this remarkable piece...
1332
01:09:02,833 --> 01:09:04,197
by Lelaina.
1333
01:09:08,193 --> 01:09:10,091
So hang on, because
this is going to change...
1334
01:09:10,191 --> 01:09:11,889
the face
of "In Your Face. "
1335
01:09:40,959 --> 01:09:42,358
What's this?
1336
01:09:42,458 --> 01:09:44,855
It's just transitional stuff.
1337
01:09:45,755 --> 01:09:50,849
MAN, SINGING:
La la la-la la
1338
01:09:50,949 --> 01:09:57,243
The story of my life
1339
01:09:57,343 --> 01:09:58,307
We're finished!
1340
01:09:58,342 --> 01:10:02,203
SINGING:
School's out forever
1341
01:10:02,238 --> 01:10:05,434
I am not under any orders to
make the world a better place.
1342
01:10:05,534 --> 01:10:08,232
And you wonder
why we never got involved.
1343
01:10:08,267 --> 01:10:10,929
SINGING:
School's been blown to pieces
1344
01:10:10,964 --> 01:10:12,744
SINGING:
Love can make you weep
1345
01:10:12,779 --> 01:10:14,525
I don't want to get married...
1346
01:10:14,625 --> 01:10:15,924
because I see
how my parents are.
1347
01:10:16,024 --> 01:10:18,221
-My parents got divorced...
-My parents got divorced...
1348
01:10:18,256 --> 01:10:19,985
-When I was fourteen.
-When I was five years old.
1349
01:10:20,020 --> 01:10:22,917
My mother actually goes to
the bathroom with the door open.
1350
01:10:29,110 --> 01:10:31,808
I swore to myself
I'd never get married.
1351
01:10:31,843 --> 01:10:32,707
I want passion.
1352
01:10:32,807 --> 01:10:35,803
Let's talk about
sex, baby, let's talk about...
1353
01:10:35,838 --> 01:10:38,566
Turns you on, doesn't it?
Brownies!
1354
01:10:38,601 --> 01:10:42,896
Would you two just do it and get
it over with? I'm starving.
1355
01:10:42,931 --> 01:10:44,794
Oh, my god.
1356
01:10:44,894 --> 01:10:46,193
LELAINA, ON VIDEO:
But the question remains...
1357
01:10:48,291 --> 01:10:51,088
How can we repair
all the damage we inherited?
1358
01:10:51,188 --> 01:10:53,386
I was told there'd be
no math on this exam.
1359
01:10:53,421 --> 01:10:54,851
Can I change my answer?
1360
01:10:54,886 --> 01:10:56,248
The answer is simple.
1361
01:10:56,283 --> 01:10:58,580
We're on a road
to nowhere
1362
01:10:58,615 --> 01:11:00,743
Jesus.
1363
01:11:00,778 --> 01:11:02,676
The answer is...
The-the-the answer is...
1364
01:11:02,776 --> 01:11:03,875
Pizza!
1365
01:11:03,910 --> 01:11:04,939
Pizza.
1366
01:11:04,974 --> 01:11:06,572
Pizza. Ha ha.
1367
01:11:16,362 --> 01:11:17,861
Oh...
1368
01:11:19,859 --> 01:11:22,256
-It's, um...
-Yeah, right.
1369
01:11:22,356 --> 01:11:25,353
We're on a road
to nowhere
1370
01:11:25,453 --> 01:11:28,350
But here we go
1371
01:11:28,385 --> 01:11:30,048
Lelaina.
1372
01:11:38,440 --> 01:11:40,837
Lelaina, look. I'm sorry,
all right? I didn't know.
1373
01:11:40,937 --> 01:11:42,835
That was not my work, Michael.
That's not what I did.
1374
01:11:42,935 --> 01:11:44,833
That's not what I want.
It had nothing!
1375
01:11:44,933 --> 01:11:46,831
I can't believe
I trusted you!
1376
01:11:46,931 --> 01:11:48,829
I had no idea!
I didn't see it!
1377
01:11:48,929 --> 01:11:51,326
I mean, look. I guess it was
probably a little slow...
1378
01:11:51,426 --> 01:11:52,825
and they cut it up
a little...
1379
01:11:52,925 --> 01:11:53,824
Cut it up?
1380
01:11:53,924 --> 01:11:55,887
They cut up everything
that meant anything to me!
1381
01:11:55,922 --> 01:11:58,419
I mean, I don't even think
you realize what you've done.
1382
01:11:58,454 --> 01:12:00,417
You don't get it.
You just don't get it!
1383
01:12:00,452 --> 01:12:02,380
I do get it!
Look. It just...
1384
01:12:02,415 --> 01:12:04,413
It's, like, you have
this great piece of work...
1385
01:12:04,448 --> 01:12:06,376
and we have this audience,
these kids...
1386
01:12:06,411 --> 01:12:08,409
and it's like trying to feed
them meatloaf or something...
1387
01:12:08,444 --> 01:12:09,873
and they don't want to
eat it, right?
1388
01:12:09,908 --> 01:12:11,656
So you have to give them, like,
"Here comes the plane.
1389
01:12:11,691 --> 01:12:13,404
"It's coming into the hangar.
Open up the hangar. "
1390
01:12:13,439 --> 01:12:14,503
But it's still meatloaf.
1391
01:12:14,603 --> 01:12:16,251
It was never meatloaf!
1392
01:12:16,286 --> 01:12:17,841
That's a bad...
I just...
1393
01:12:17,876 --> 01:12:19,363
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
1394
01:12:19,398 --> 01:12:20,896
They were just trying
to market it.
1395
01:12:20,931 --> 01:12:22,395
And I wish I could
be perfect, OK?
1396
01:12:22,430 --> 01:12:23,858
I wish I could be like Troy...
1397
01:12:23,893 --> 01:12:25,891
riding on his melted
cheese sandwich and everything.
1398
01:12:25,926 --> 01:12:27,407
Don't you dare bring Troy
into this.
1399
01:12:27,442 --> 01:12:28,853
Hey, I wish
I could be like him.
1400
01:12:28,888 --> 01:12:30,387
I wish I could live
off of creeds and mottoes...
1401
01:12:30,422 --> 01:12:31,850
and all that shit,
all right?
1402
01:12:31,885 --> 01:12:33,883
But I'm in the real world
here, OK?
1403
01:12:33,918 --> 01:12:36,346
And I have ideals also.
1404
01:12:36,381 --> 01:12:40,177
They're that I...
I care about you...
1405
01:12:40,277 --> 01:12:42,374
and I want
to make you happy...
1406
01:12:42,409 --> 01:12:43,873
and I'm...
1407
01:12:45,871 --> 01:12:47,319
I just...
1408
01:12:47,354 --> 01:12:48,768
Look...
1409
01:12:51,365 --> 01:12:54,262
I'll make them take
the pizza thing out, OK?
1410
01:12:58,358 --> 01:13:01,605
I'm just a bill
1411
01:13:01,640 --> 01:13:04,851
Yes, I'm only a bill
1412
01:13:04,951 --> 01:13:10,845
And I'm sitting here
on Capitol Hill
1413
01:13:10,945 --> 01:13:15,341
Well, it's a long,
long journey to...
1414
01:13:22,034 --> 01:13:24,432
How'd the big premiere
turn out?
1415
01:13:27,329 --> 01:13:28,527
Fine.
1416
01:13:36,020 --> 01:13:39,017
They were just
videotapes, right?
1417
01:13:40,515 --> 01:13:42,713
Who cares? Ha ha.
1418
01:13:45,510 --> 01:13:50,705
I just worked
so hard on them, you know?
1419
01:13:53,002 --> 01:13:55,500
I worked so hard.
1420
01:13:56,998 --> 01:13:59,461
Ah, forget it.
I just sound pathetic.
1421
01:13:59,496 --> 01:14:02,193
No, you don't.
You don't sound pathetic.
1422
01:14:03,492 --> 01:14:05,989
You know, I know
it sounds stupid...
1423
01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:08,487
but it really meant
something to me.
1424
01:14:09,885 --> 01:14:14,480
I know it wasn't gonna,
you know, end world hunger...
1425
01:14:14,515 --> 01:14:16,945
or, you know,
save the planet...
1426
01:14:16,980 --> 01:14:19,375
but it just meant
something to me.
1427
01:14:22,672 --> 01:14:24,470
I just don't...
1428
01:14:26,968 --> 01:14:30,164
Understand why things just can't
go back to normal...
1429
01:14:30,199 --> 01:14:32,427
at the end
of the half-hour...
1430
01:14:32,462 --> 01:14:34,860
like on "The Brady Bunch"
or something.
1431
01:14:37,457 --> 01:14:40,254
Well, because Mr. Brady
died of A.I.D.S.
1432
01:14:44,250 --> 01:14:46,548
Things don't work out like that.
1433
01:14:48,546 --> 01:14:54,040
I was really gonna be something
by the age of twenty-three.
1434
01:14:55,339 --> 01:14:59,535
Honey, all you have to be
by the age of twenty-three...
1435
01:14:59,569 --> 01:15:01,133
is yourself.
1436
01:15:05,129 --> 01:15:08,326
I don't know
who that is anymore.
1437
01:15:08,361 --> 01:15:09,724
Well, I do.
1438
01:15:12,122 --> 01:15:15,418
And we all love her.
I love her.
1439
01:15:16,917 --> 01:15:18,915
Uh...
1440
01:15:20,213 --> 01:15:22,511
She breaks my heart
again and again...
1441
01:15:22,546 --> 01:15:24,010
but, uh...
1442
01:15:25,308 --> 01:15:27,006
But I love her.
1443
01:16:27,545 --> 01:16:31,041
I've wanted you like this
for all these years.
1444
01:17:14,097 --> 01:17:15,196
Hey.
1445
01:17:15,296 --> 01:17:18,593
Hi. Ha ha.
Where are you going?
1446
01:17:18,628 --> 01:17:20,591
I have rehearsal.
1447
01:17:22,289 --> 01:17:25,586
At 8:24 in the morning?
1448
01:17:25,621 --> 01:17:27,384
Yeah. Ha ha.
1449
01:17:32,578 --> 01:17:34,442
-So... that's it?
-No.
1450
01:17:34,476 --> 01:17:36,774
No, that's not...
It's not it.
1451
01:17:36,809 --> 01:17:39,072
I just... I, uh...
I have to go.
1452
01:17:55,955 --> 01:18:00,550
Got a party mama,
got a cokehead dad
1453
01:18:04,246 --> 01:18:09,741
I'm the ultimate inversion,
the American man
1454
01:18:12,638 --> 01:18:17,632
Don't feel good,
but don't feel bad
1455
01:18:18,631 --> 01:18:22,128
It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'
1456
01:18:27,622 --> 01:18:30,020
I ain't left, I ain't right
1457
01:18:30,120 --> 01:18:31,683
I feel so alone
1458
01:18:31,718 --> 01:18:35,814
Before I was born,
I was all gone
1459
01:18:35,914 --> 01:18:39,510
Don't even make sense
that I wrote this song
1460
01:18:39,610 --> 01:18:40,874
'Cause...
1461
01:18:40,909 --> 01:18:43,306
Tell me it's not true.
1462
01:18:43,406 --> 01:18:46,603
TROY, SINGING:
It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'
1463
01:18:48,101 --> 01:18:50,599
I'm nuthin'
1464
01:18:52,797 --> 01:18:54,695
Nuthin'
1465
01:18:55,794 --> 01:18:57,292
That's me
1466
01:18:59,490 --> 01:19:01,588
I'm nuthin'
1467
01:19:07,981 --> 01:19:13,076
Lainie, sex is the quickest way
to ruin a friendship.
1468
01:19:13,111 --> 01:19:14,375
Come on.
1469
01:19:18,570 --> 01:19:20,818
Thank you.
We'll be right back...
1470
01:19:20,853 --> 01:19:23,066
with a new American cheese
snack idea.
1471
01:19:25,064 --> 01:19:27,461
You got a phone call.
1472
01:19:30,558 --> 01:19:31,757
Lelaina.
1473
01:19:31,792 --> 01:19:32,856
-Hi.
-Hi.
1474
01:19:32,956 --> 01:19:34,219
Don't say anything, all right?
1475
01:19:34,254 --> 01:19:36,517
Look, I screwed up, all right?
I know.
1476
01:19:36,552 --> 01:19:39,049
I should have protected
you and your work...
1477
01:19:39,084 --> 01:19:40,515
and I didn't,
and I'm sorry.
1478
01:19:40,550 --> 01:19:41,946
I'm so sorry that I didn't.
1479
01:19:42,046 --> 01:19:44,144
And I want to make this
up to you, OK?
1480
01:19:44,244 --> 01:19:46,042
You mean so much
to me, Lelaina...
1481
01:19:46,142 --> 01:19:47,741
and I just...
1482
01:19:47,840 --> 01:19:49,788
Look, two tickets,
all right, New York.
1483
01:19:49,823 --> 01:19:51,629
We go, and we give them
a presentation...
1484
01:19:51,664 --> 01:19:53,435
of the show
the way you want it done.
1485
01:19:53,470 --> 01:19:54,634
Michael, I don't...
1486
01:19:54,733 --> 01:19:56,532
I know. I know,
but this time is different.
1487
01:19:56,632 --> 01:19:59,529
I mean, who's the boss, huh?
Huh? Tony Danza? No.
1488
01:19:59,628 --> 01:20:01,127
I don't think so.
It's you.
1489
01:20:01,227 --> 01:20:02,326
It's your show,
and I just...
1490
01:20:05,023 --> 01:20:07,520
I just... you know,
feel like maybe...
1491
01:20:07,620 --> 01:20:10,118
I deserve another shot here.
1492
01:20:15,113 --> 01:20:16,611
Well, hi, Lelaina.
1493
01:20:16,646 --> 01:20:18,075
Hi.
1494
01:20:18,110 --> 01:20:19,608
What, is there a frog
in your throat...
1495
01:20:19,643 --> 01:20:21,107
or are you just glad
to see me?
1496
01:20:21,206 --> 01:20:23,105
Hi, Mike. Thanks
for coming down, man.
1497
01:20:23,139 --> 01:20:24,703
No hard feelings.
1498
01:20:32,495 --> 01:20:34,293
Lelaina, you're looking
a little peaked.
1499
01:20:35,592 --> 01:20:36,855
Yeah. Are you OK?
1500
01:20:36,890 --> 01:20:38,554
She's fine.
She's fine.
1501
01:20:38,589 --> 01:20:40,187
She's just had
too many Diet Cokes today.
1502
01:20:40,287 --> 01:20:42,685
Yeah, this girl
is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
1503
01:20:42,784 --> 01:20:44,083
Ha.
1504
01:20:45,781 --> 01:20:48,079
So, are you gonna
tell him, or am I?
1505
01:20:59,567 --> 01:21:03,563
Could you excuse me?
Could I talk to you?
1506
01:21:09,557 --> 01:21:10,856
Hi.
1507
01:21:14,352 --> 01:21:16,550
You want to tell me what
the hell he's doing here?
1508
01:21:16,585 --> 01:21:18,648
I wanted to talk to you.
1509
01:21:18,748 --> 01:21:20,511
What the hell do you care?
1510
01:21:20,546 --> 01:21:22,544
You totally bailed on me
this morning.
1511
01:21:22,579 --> 01:21:24,042
I panicked. It happens.
1512
01:21:24,142 --> 01:21:26,540
I thought we could
work it out, you know.
1513
01:21:26,640 --> 01:21:30,336
I mean, I don't know if now
is the right time for us.
1514
01:21:30,371 --> 01:21:34,032
Look, I meant everything
that I said to you last night.
1515
01:21:34,132 --> 01:21:35,496
Don't look at me like that.
1516
01:21:35,531 --> 01:21:38,028
Don't look at me like that.
That's not what I'm saying.
1517
01:21:38,063 --> 01:21:40,526
I'm not saying I...
1518
01:21:40,625 --> 01:21:43,188
Look, you are the only woman...
1519
01:21:43,223 --> 01:21:45,021
that I could ever
commit myself to.
1520
01:21:45,121 --> 01:21:47,518
So what?
Do I get a medal?
1521
01:21:47,618 --> 01:21:50,615
I win the big commitment
cook-off, and you just run away?
1522
01:21:50,715 --> 01:21:53,512
I knew this was gonna happen!
I knew this was gonna happen!
1523
01:21:53,612 --> 01:21:55,610
I don't want to lose you.
1524
01:21:55,710 --> 01:21:59,207
I've never been in an experience
like this before.
1525
01:22:00,605 --> 01:22:04,301
I've never had sex with somebody
that I loved before.
1526
01:22:05,700 --> 01:22:08,162
Oh, well, congratulations,
Troy Dyer.
1527
01:22:08,197 --> 01:22:10,495
Welcome to the world
of the emotionally immature.
1528
01:22:10,530 --> 01:22:12,658
It's a really nice place
to visit.
1529
01:22:12,693 --> 01:22:14,955
Hey, you may run into Michael.
He lives here.
1530
01:22:14,990 --> 01:22:17,088
Oh, yeah, right. Michael.
Michael. He's so mature...
1531
01:22:17,123 --> 01:22:19,403
because he lets you navigate
that entire relationship.
1532
01:22:19,438 --> 01:22:21,684
Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina,
but you can't navigate me.
1533
01:22:21,719 --> 01:22:23,699
I might do mean things,
and I might hurt you...
1534
01:22:23,733 --> 01:22:25,680
and I might run away
without your permission...
1535
01:22:25,714 --> 01:22:27,143
and you might hate me forever.
1536
01:22:27,178 --> 01:22:29,326
And I know that that scares
the shit out of you...
1537
01:22:29,361 --> 01:22:31,474
because I'm the only
real thing that you have.
1538
01:22:33,172 --> 01:22:36,668
Yeah? Well, that ain't
real much.
1539
01:22:36,703 --> 01:22:39,166
One, two, three, four.
1540
01:22:40,664 --> 01:22:42,362
Hey, Troy, man, you're on.
1541
01:22:52,153 --> 01:22:53,516
Michael, I'm sorry...
1542
01:22:53,551 --> 01:22:55,449
Listen, I'm sorry, all right?
That's what this is all about.
1543
01:22:56,648 --> 01:22:58,046
This one's for you, Lainie.
1544
01:23:12,632 --> 01:23:14,630
Why can't I get just one kiss?
1545
01:23:14,729 --> 01:23:16,692
Why can't I get just one kiss?
1546
01:23:16,727 --> 01:23:18,825
You told me there'd be some
things that I wouldn't miss
1547
01:23:18,860 --> 01:23:20,324
But I looked at your pants
1548
01:23:20,359 --> 01:23:21,523
And I need a kiss
1549
01:23:21,622 --> 01:23:23,570
Why can't I get just one screw?
1550
01:23:23,605 --> 01:23:25,518
Why can't I get just one screw?
1551
01:23:25,718 --> 01:23:28,081
Believe me, I'd know
what to do
1552
01:23:28,116 --> 01:23:30,014
But something won't let me
make love to you
1553
01:23:30,049 --> 01:23:32,611
Why can't I get just one ah?
1554
01:23:32,711 --> 01:23:34,809
Why can't I get just one ah?
1555
01:23:49,194 --> 01:23:51,192
Oh, nice job. Very well done.
Really good.
1556
01:23:51,227 --> 01:23:53,655
I don't want to hear it
from you.
1557
01:23:53,690 --> 01:23:56,687
Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not
qualified to talk to you.
1558
01:23:56,722 --> 01:23:58,550
I'm sorry I can't be Mister...
1559
01:23:58,585 --> 01:24:01,182
Hey, look at me.
I'm Buddha on the mountaintop.
1560
01:24:01,282 --> 01:24:03,680
You know what you are, man?
You what what you remind me of?
1561
01:24:03,715 --> 01:24:06,642
You're like that guy,
you know, with the...
1562
01:24:06,677 --> 01:24:09,174
with the hat and the bells
and the little, you know...
1563
01:24:09,209 --> 01:24:10,473
The court jester.
1564
01:24:10,573 --> 01:24:12,670
Yeah, right. Where everything's
so easy to laugh at...
1565
01:24:12,705 --> 01:24:15,667
from a safe distance
back in Clever-Clever Land.
1566
01:24:15,702 --> 01:24:18,330
You know what happens to him?
1567
01:24:18,365 --> 01:24:20,662
They find his skull in a grave,
and they go...
1568
01:24:20,697 --> 01:24:23,959
"Oh, I knew him,
and he was funny. "
1569
01:24:24,059 --> 01:24:28,155
And the guy, the court jester,
dies all by himself.
1570
01:24:29,653 --> 01:24:31,851
Where'd you hear that,
a Renaissance festival?
1571
01:24:37,145 --> 01:24:39,843
Besides, everyone dies
all by himself.
1572
01:24:47,735 --> 01:24:49,633
If you really believe that...
1573
01:24:51,231 --> 01:24:53,928
Who are you looking for
out here?
1574
01:25:13,508 --> 01:25:19,402
SINGING:
You say you want
1575
01:25:19,502 --> 01:25:24,297
Diamonds on a ring of gold
1576
01:25:24,332 --> 01:25:29,457
You say you want
1577
01:25:29,492 --> 01:25:34,537
Your story to remain untold
1578
01:25:34,572 --> 01:25:39,582
But all the promises we make
1579
01:25:39,682 --> 01:25:44,976
From the cradle to the grave
1580
01:25:45,011 --> 01:25:52,968
When all I want is you
1581
01:26:00,361 --> 01:26:05,920
You say you'll give me
1582
01:26:05,955 --> 01:26:10,800
A highway with no one on it
1583
01:26:10,835 --> 01:26:15,787
Treasure just to look upon it
1584
01:26:15,822 --> 01:26:20,740
All the riches in the night
1585
01:26:20,775 --> 01:26:26,734
You say you'll give me
1586
01:26:26,933 --> 01:26:31,828
Eyes in a moon of blindness
1587
01:26:31,863 --> 01:26:36,241
A river in a time of dryness
1588
01:26:36,276 --> 01:26:40,620
A harbour in the tempest
1589
01:26:40,719 --> 01:26:46,513
But all the promises we make
1590
01:26:46,613 --> 01:26:52,208
From the cradle to the grave
1591
01:26:52,243 --> 01:26:59,101
When all I want is you
1592
01:27:25,873 --> 01:27:26,972
Hello.
1593
01:27:28,571 --> 01:27:30,034
Hello?
1594
01:27:30,069 --> 01:27:37,561
SINGING:
All I want is you
1595
01:27:37,596 --> 01:27:42,823
All I want is you
1596
01:27:42,858 --> 01:27:48,051
All I want is you...
1597
01:28:11,227 --> 01:28:14,124
-Hey, Lainie. This is Lance.
-Hi.
1598
01:28:14,224 --> 01:28:18,120
Um... I just need to know
if he's OK.
1599
01:28:18,220 --> 01:28:19,718
Huh?
1600
01:28:21,217 --> 01:28:25,113
OK. All I know is
he went back to Chicago...
1601
01:28:25,213 --> 01:28:26,711
alone.
1602
01:28:29,209 --> 01:28:32,206
I'm not supposed
to know that, am I?
1603
01:28:56,781 --> 01:28:58,179
Shit.
1604
01:29:18,359 --> 01:29:20,157
Shit.
1605
01:29:28,149 --> 01:29:29,847
Hi.
1606
01:29:30,047 --> 01:29:33,144
I was wondering if I could talk
to you for a minute...
1607
01:29:33,179 --> 01:29:34,642
before you go.
1608
01:29:39,637 --> 01:29:44,232
See, the thing is that, um...
1609
01:29:47,729 --> 01:29:49,692
Well...
1610
01:29:49,727 --> 01:29:51,690
my dad died.
1611
01:29:51,725 --> 01:29:53,523
Oh, god, Troy. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1612
01:29:53,723 --> 01:29:55,421
No. It...
1613
01:29:56,919 --> 01:30:00,181
What happened was that, um...
1614
01:30:00,216 --> 01:30:06,210
I kind of got this arcane
glimpse at the universe.
1615
01:30:06,310 --> 01:30:10,705
And the best thing
that I can say about that is...
1616
01:30:17,299 --> 01:30:19,296
I don't know. I...
1617
01:30:23,792 --> 01:30:28,287
I have this...
this planet of regret...
1618
01:30:28,322 --> 01:30:30,285
sitting on my shoulders.
1619
01:30:32,283 --> 01:30:37,278
And you have no idea how much
I wish that I could go back...
1620
01:30:37,313 --> 01:30:40,075
to that morning
after we made love...
1621
01:30:40,110 --> 01:30:42,872
and do everything different.
1622
01:30:44,271 --> 01:30:47,468
But I know that I can't, so...
1623
01:30:48,766 --> 01:30:52,263
I thought that I would come here
and tell you something.
1624
01:30:53,761 --> 01:30:56,758
And what I wanted to tell you...
1625
01:30:56,793 --> 01:30:58,721
was that I love you...
1626
01:30:58,756 --> 01:31:02,852
and, uh... just wanted to
make sure that that was clear...
1627
01:31:02,887 --> 01:31:05,350
so that there wasn't
any confusion.
1628
01:31:11,244 --> 01:31:12,742
Um...
1629
01:31:13,741 --> 01:31:16,738
So, anyway, uh...
1630
01:31:18,236 --> 01:31:19,900
Where are you going?
1631
01:31:19,935 --> 01:31:23,331
I was going to look for you.
1632
01:31:24,830 --> 01:31:26,328
What for?
1633
01:31:29,825 --> 01:31:34,919
Just... wanted to see
if you were OK.
1634
01:31:41,413 --> 01:31:44,709
Well, I had
a shitty week, you know.
1635
01:32:23,070 --> 01:32:25,967
A froggy went
a-courting, and he did ride
1636
01:32:26,067 --> 01:32:30,363
With a sword and a pistol
by his side
1637
01:32:30,398 --> 01:32:35,358
Uh-huh, uh-huh, mmm-hmm-hmm
1638
01:32:36,856 --> 01:32:39,853
Well, he rode right up
to Miss Mousie's door...
1639
01:32:42,850 --> 01:32:44,314
TROY ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
At the beep...
1640
01:32:44,349 --> 01:32:46,347
please leave your name, number,
and a brief justification...
1641
01:32:46,381 --> 01:32:47,810
for the ontological necessity...
1642
01:32:47,845 --> 01:32:49,843
of modern man's
existential dilemma...
1643
01:32:49,878 --> 01:32:52,305
and we'll get back to you.
1644
01:32:52,340 --> 01:32:54,139
Uh, Lelaina,
this is your dad.
1645
01:32:54,238 --> 01:32:56,087
Give me a call
when you get this.
1646
01:32:56,122 --> 01:32:57,900
I need you to explain something.
1647
01:32:57,935 --> 01:33:00,832
I just got a nine-hundred-dollar
bill on my gas card.
1648
01:33:03,329 --> 01:33:09,723
If we should fall,
love will catch us every time
1649
01:33:09,823 --> 01:33:13,419
I hear you call,
I will run
1650
01:33:15,017 --> 01:33:20,412
And if the magic
of the adventure overcomes
1651
01:33:20,512 --> 01:33:24,408
We won't cry,
because it could be fun
1652
01:33:24,508 --> 01:33:26,406
What I'm trying to do is
constantly find those people...
1653
01:33:26,506 --> 01:33:29,303
find out what makes them
the best and bring that...
1654
01:33:29,502 --> 01:33:30,801
Tired of getting razzes
for being bald?
1655
01:33:31,001 --> 01:33:32,300
I'm only a young man.
1656
01:33:32,499 --> 01:33:34,497
No more dates
where I've been called old man.
1657
01:33:39,492 --> 01:33:42,090
Roy, why are you
doing this to me?
1658
01:33:42,190 --> 01:33:43,653
I know we can be happy together.
1659
01:33:43,688 --> 01:33:46,535
You'll chill in time.
Right now, I need someone...
1660
01:33:46,570 --> 01:33:49,382
who understands what my music
and the band mean to me.
1661
01:33:49,417 --> 01:33:51,580
But it's just music, Roy.
1662
01:33:51,680 --> 01:33:54,477
I'm a human being
with deep feelings...
1663
01:33:54,512 --> 01:33:57,574
who feels things deeply.
1664
01:33:57,674 --> 01:33:59,936
Music is feeling, babe.
1665
01:33:59,971 --> 01:34:02,469
The band may be a small dream,
but it's the only one I've got.
1666
01:34:02,504 --> 01:34:04,467
I'm Audi 5000.
1667
01:34:07,264 --> 01:34:09,961
Please don't let him
get drunk and drive.
1668
01:34:09,996 --> 01:34:12,825
SINGING:
Won't be very long
1669
01:34:12,860 --> 01:34:15,655
Till I'm going, going, gone
1670
01:34:28,942 --> 01:34:30,940
You say
1671
01:34:31,939 --> 01:34:34,936
I only hear what I want to
1672
01:34:40,630 --> 01:34:42,928
You say
1673
01:34:44,126 --> 01:34:46,924
I talk so all the time
1674
01:34:47,023 --> 01:34:48,422
So?
1675
01:34:52,418 --> 01:34:55,315
And I thought
what I felt was simple
1676
01:34:55,350 --> 01:34:58,212
And I thought
that I don't belong
1677
01:34:58,247 --> 01:35:01,174
And now that I am leaving
1678
01:35:01,209 --> 01:35:03,507
Now I know
that I did something wrong
1679
01:35:03,607 --> 01:35:05,205
'Cause I missed you
1680
01:35:07,403 --> 01:35:11,598
Yeah, yeah, I missed you
1681
01:35:16,593 --> 01:35:18,691
And you say
1682
01:35:20,090 --> 01:35:22,053
I only hear what I want to
1683
01:35:22,088 --> 01:35:24,585
I don't listen hard,
I don't pay attention
1684
01:35:24,620 --> 01:35:26,183
To the distance
that you're running
1685
01:35:26,283 --> 01:35:27,847
Or to anyone, anywhere
1686
01:35:27,882 --> 01:35:30,679
I don't understand
if you really care
1687
01:35:30,779 --> 01:35:34,575
I'm only hearing negative,
no, no, no, no
1688
01:35:34,610 --> 01:35:36,538
No...
1689
01:35:36,573 --> 01:35:40,069
So I turned the radio on,
I turned the radio up
1690
01:35:40,104 --> 01:35:42,532
And this woman
was singing my song
1691
01:35:42,567 --> 01:35:45,813
The lover's in love,
and the other's run away
1692
01:35:45,848 --> 01:35:48,503
The lover is crying
'cause the other won't stay
1693
01:35:48,538 --> 01:35:51,158
Some of us hover
when we weep for the other
1694
01:35:51,258 --> 01:35:54,255
Who was dying since
the day they were born, well
1695
01:35:54,290 --> 01:35:57,252
Well, this is not that,
I think that I'm throwing
1696
01:35:57,287 --> 01:36:00,513
But I'm thrown
1697
01:36:00,548 --> 01:36:03,046
And I thought I'd live forever,
but now I'm not so sure
1698
01:36:03,081 --> 01:36:05,044
You try to tell me
that I'm clever
1699
01:36:05,079 --> 01:36:07,242
But that won't take me anyhow
1700
01:36:07,277 --> 01:36:11,038
Or anywhere with you
1701
01:36:13,036 --> 01:36:16,033
You said that I was naive and
1702
01:36:16,068 --> 01:36:18,995
I thought
that I was strong, no
1703
01:36:19,030 --> 01:36:22,027
I thought, hey, I can leave,
I can leave, though
1704
01:36:22,126 --> 01:36:24,025
But now I know
that I was wrong
1705
01:36:24,124 --> 01:36:26,022
Because I missed you
1706
01:36:28,220 --> 01:36:32,716
Yeah, I missed you
126334
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