All language subtitles for Mr. Funny-Bone (1976) _ 老夫子 _ Full Movie _ Shaw Brothers Cinema_High

The Funnybone's face, Funnybone's clothes

I look like a gentleman

Gentleman, a perfect gentleman

Funnybone's moustache, Funnybone's cap

You'll laugh and feel relaxed
when you look at me

Funnybone's look, Potato's face

You know us by our strange outfits

Strange outfits...

I have a body like a wax gourd,
and very short

Three pieces of hair on top of my head

Funnybone & Big Potato

We make the best of partners

When there's you, there's me

Having such a great time

Laugh out loud

Think positive

If you are troubled, lighten up

Too much worry will make you a fool

Hate her look

Hate her attitude

Keeps dropping her handkerchief
on the ground

0.270833333333333

Potato, what's wrong with you ?

What is it?

Damn it, you keep farting in your sleep

Bloody hell, there you go again !

Smelly bean curd

Smells so good

Some sauce would be better

Chili sauce will do the trick

A little of that

Great, tasty and hot

Why did you bite my toes, Funnybone?

I was eating smelly bean curd in my dream

You mean my toes smell as bean curd?

Chili sauce?

Clean this up for me

I love you, baby

You're my precious babe

What are you doing?

Why did you bite me?

I dreamt of the fat girl,
just wanted to kiss her

You dreamt of my cousin

It's 6:30 a.m.

Time to get up, it's bright sunlight

Why did you draw up the blinds?

How can I sleep?

It's time

Get up, Potato

Let's go for the morning exercise

No way. You go ahead yourself

I want to sleep in

Damn it

Let me use the UV light...

to cure your stinky feet

It works miracles

It hurts

Morning Exercise

The dragon

The dragon

The tiger

The crane

Crane

The snake

Not like this. Observe

Did you see me? Like this

Like this

The shoulder

And ... doggie

Nice

What are you doing?

Let me help you up

Don't be shy, miss

Are you harassing her?

None of your business

Snake

Crane

Tiger

You have guts. Come here

What's this? The Dog?

I invented this style, I'm Funnybone

Help... stop it

Get out of here

He doesn't look very kind

We might get ripped

He seems a puny little thing

Let's bully him

Having fun

Pay up

Fine, I will pay you. Don't hurt me

Here you go

What about you?

He gave you already. I have no money

Thanks

Don't make any noise

Why did you let him?

Funnybone

He robbed you of 200. Think that's funny ?

That's the stage prop bills used in movies

What's so funny?

I'm laughing because...

we got robbed

Sorry?

Then what's that to be so happy about?

You don't know

The two hundred dollars I gave him...

are props

That's why it's funny

Props

It's true

Of course

I've got some more, look

Look

It looks so real... here you go

Where do you keep the real thing?

Underneath my cap, of course

Freeze

Move your head over

Hold this

These are real, thanks

Why are you so stupid?

Why did you tell him?

How did I know ...

Hey, you forgot your gun ...

Shoot him, Funnybone

You'll only be charged as a murder suspect

Right

Freeze

It's a water pistol

Where are you going?

It's such fun

Cousin

It's you

Baby, I love you so much

You love me? I'm scared of you

I love you

Let go of me

Will you marry me?

Absolutely not

I love you, dear cousin

Help

Marry me, dear cousin

Why are you pulling me?

I like you

I've told you I don't like you

Cousin

Who'd wanna marry you, shortie !

Cousin

Where are you going?

Cousin

Where to?

Let go of me

Cousin

Where are you going?

You're heartless

Fat girl

Where are you?

Potato

Why are you hiding in a garbage can?

Has she gone?

I don't see her anywhere

Thank God !

Introduce her to me

Sure, I will

You must, thanks

Forcing your way onto the bus

All in order

Here's the bus

Wait for me

Wait for me

Get up

Let him sit here

Nice cap

Stop pushing

Hey, get in line

We don't have to queue

Why not?

Go

We're getting off, don't block the exit

Wait for me

Wait for me

Hey, didn't you see me?

What?

What are you doing?

Hey, didn't you see me?

How could you stop here?

Damn it

Hey, I haven't gone on the bus yet

Why do you close the door?

Wait

Here's the bus

Stop pushing

You think I can't make it?

I'm Funnybone, the resourceful one

Old man, you've to pay.
Don't try this again

So? Are you alright?

Do you want me to call an ambulance?

Young man, you've a lot of nerve

There're so many cars on the road

You dare run into a police vehicle !

Didn't you see the red light?

Sorry

Driver's license

Yes sir

You deserve this

Be nice to the passengers from now on

You deserve this

It's time for work

Nine to Five

Morning

Mister, does this go to the fifth floor?

Yes

Fifth floor

Wait, let the old lady get in first

It's stuck, let me help you

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

No

Get out

I was trying to unhook that

Let's see if you dare do that again !

Manager Chiu

Funnybone, you're 15 minutes late

I'm 14 minutes 59.9 seconds late

If you're ever late again ...

I'll leave

What about this time?

The usual

Get to it then

What are you doing? I'm not done yet

Hey, watch it, Funnybone

Funnybone

Funnybone

What?

You may stop.
The manager is looking for you

Come here, Funnybone

What is it?

Look

How did you calculate this?

Look at it

You smell awful

Did the Manager put you
to the toilet job ?

Is that right?

The stench is getting to me

Perfume

Smells good

Who messed with my stuff?

I'm smelling great now

Funnybone

Miss Chen

You've messed with my stuff again

I'll call the police next time

Return it

Return it

Take it

Return it

Return it

Take it

That's enough

There's no need to be angry, Miss Chen

I'll take you to a movie tonight

I'm busy

Tomorrow night?

Busy

The night after tomorrow?

Busy

Miss Chen

Could you come over?

Type two copies for me

And one copy of this

Sure, I'll do it

Thanks

Be careful

Miss Chen, did you hurt your bum?

Help me out here

Sorry, I moved the chair for you

But then you ...

What are you doing?

Damn it

Damn it

I deserve this

I deserve this

Miss Chen, why the cigarette smell?

Manager...

Do you want a cup of tea, sir?

Hurry

Let go

Manager, I wanted to bring you
a cup of tea

But you know things happen

Who left the mouse trap here?

I did

You're fired

Please don't do that

I have a mother, two fathers

three wives, four mistresses,

... five sons, five daughters

You can't fire me, sir

Please give him a second chance, sir

Move away

Is this yours, manager?

Have this dispatched to the manager
of Yamamoto Co.

Mr. Hiroshi

Mr. Hiroshi ?

Yes

Who's he?

He's Japanese

Japanese

What are you doing?

Oh, got to pull this to open

You think it's strange?

Not all doors are to be pushed in

Pull

Who are you looking for?

The manager

Inside

Hello... he's gone out

Push or pull?

That's right

We're both wrong

The manager told me
to give this to you, miss

You are very young for a manager

You've got it wrong

I'm not the manager, he's inside

Thanks

Push or pull, miss?

Pull, nuts

Pull

What is it?

I'm your dad

Thank you

Many thanks

Thank you

Many thanks

Many thanks

Thank you

Many thanks

Thank you

Many thanks

Thank you

Many thanks

Thank you

Many thanks

Thank you

Hi, many hair

Did you insult me?

The Japanese said so

The Ghost

I'm a burring passion

Light up the whole desert

It's a ghost... please help

Help

There's a ghost

What's the matter with you?

You almost scared me

I've seen a ghost

You are crazy

A ghost during the day?

Don't you believe me?

You'll see one soon

I don't believe you

It's a ghost !

Got Fired

I'm a burning passion

What?

Miss Chen, can I borrow your pen?

Here you go

Thank you

Thanks

Bye, thank you, bye ...

Manager

Bye

Shut up

Do I hire you to work...

or dance here?

Get back to work

Yes, sir

Miss Chen, please come in my office

Funnybone, Miss Chen will be in trouble

Funnybone, after Miss Chen walks in

She won't come out alive

Miss Chen, I admire you

I'd like to have dinner with you

Who is it?

Funnybone

Manager, I need your signatures

Don't worry

Take it

This one

Don't panic, I'm here

And this one...

Also this

Leave them here and get out

Yes, sir

Where were we?

Miss Chen, I admire you

I'd like to have dinner with you

Then we'll go dancing

And we'll go for a night snack afterwards

After that ...

Manager, oh no!

Water bill

Electricity bill

Sauna bill

Get out

Let's continue

Miss Chen, I admire you

I'd like to have dinner with you

Then we'll go dancing

And we'll go for a night snack afterwards

Night snack?

After that ...

We'll go to the Night Pearl Love Motel

Scrub and clean, saves water and energy

Please use the Matchmaker brand...
excuse me

The magic detergent

Scrub

Scrub and clean, saves water and energy

Get out

You! Funnybone!

Go to hell!

You're unbelievable!

You're very busy, sir

Maybe we'll continue later

Don't worry

Continue

Miss Chen, I ...

I admire you a lot

Right ...

Miss Chen, I admire you

I'd like to have dinner with you

Then we'll go dancing

Are you taking down the place?

I can't push this door open

Guess it must be locked

I was worried...

about you two being locked inside

I wanted to take a look

Damn you !

Funnybone, what are you doing?

Fighting over a girl with the manager?

My family jewels

Sorry, I didn't mean it

What was that, Funnybone?

You should be careful

Excuse me, move away, it's dangerous

Sorry...

Funnybone, I know you're heart broken

But you don't need to hurt my bum

I didn't know it'll go that way

I thought it'll go the other way

Truly sorry

Can't believe you

Nothing's working

What now, Funnybone? My foot

Leave me alone

What did I ever do to you?

It's all your fault

What's going on?

It fell from upstairs

Who's trying to kill us?

I won't spare you if I caught you

It won't be that easy

Hot

So cool

What are you doing?

Funnybone

Turn it off

Hey, don't blow the papers away

Turn it off

Turn it off

Why did you hit me?
I didn't tell him to do it

Funnybone

Please don't hurt me

You old fool

You did this on purpose

I will kill you

I didn't mean it, help

Help

Damn it

Sorry, didn't intend to

Oh, you pour it on me

Sorry

I'll get even

I'll get even

My special cocktail

Are you alright, Miss Chen?

I'm fine

Shut up

For you

For you

This is for you

Who started this?

Him ... Funnybone

Not me

It's him

Not me

I knew it, you're fired

You wouldn't dare

Why not?

Because I'll tell your wife, the tigress

Sorry?

What did I say ? Listen carefully

You went to the love motel
with a young lady

Slept in an electrical round bed

How did you know?

Manager, about your little secret

Of course I'd know

Let me tell you

I can tell the sex of a fly

Do you believe me?

You wouldn't dare to tell my wife

I've already told her

Don't bluff

I'm not, she's here

She's here

Hey, give me a hand here

I've dropped everything

She's really here?

Dear

Hurry

Coming

What are you doing here at this hour?

Am I not welcome?

You bum

I'm here to check
if you were cheating on me

Funnybone

Yes ma'am

Is he acting funny...

around the secretary outside?

Tell me frankly

Let me tell you

Go on

He and his secretary

I'll raise your salary, $600 more

That's not enough

Hurry

$1000 more

That's more like it

He's gone out with his secretary Miss Chen

Sorry?

Let me be more specific

The three of us ran into some robbers

At least I know kung fu

I took care of things

No problem

Yes, Funnybone is a kung fu expert

Come here, have a cigar

Funnybone, I'll promote you tomorrow

Now that I remember

I'm broke, but I need to
buy something later

Give me your cheque book

Sure

Your Majesty

Take my stuff back home

Yes

Funnybone

Yes ma'am

Keep an eye on him for me

If he tries anything funny

Give me a call

I'll keep an eye on him

Bye

Manager

You've raised my salary

What do you want me to do?

What? I plan to kick you out

Let go ...

I forgot something

What's that?

My hand bag, that's right

Funnybone, I promote you to be
the Assistant Manager

Assistant?

With a bonus two-month pay every year

Alright, I'll think about it

Here it is, I have a bad memory

Pick me up at the salon tonight

Yes, bye

Fine, I'll take your offer

But on one condition

Miss Chen will be my secretary

Look at him

What's going on?

Funnybone, why are you packing?

I think you got fired

No, I got promoted

To Assistant Manager

Really?

I'll enjoy air conditioning in his office
from now on

Seriously?

Miss Chen, I'm now the Assistant Manager

Can I take you out to tea?

I'll meet you later
at the Botanical Garden

Come to me if any of you want a raise

What's going on?

What?

Are you alright?

So you're not the Assistant Manager

Got fired and got a bump on my forehead

In a Chinese restaurant

Potato, there's a table

Really?

Mr. Chin, there's a table

A table?

There's a table

What a nice guy

Sit

We're lucky

Waiter, clean the table

Yes

Waiter

Not yet, the customer hasn't asked
for the bill

Not asked for the bill?

He's gone to the bathroom

Don't panic, I've a plan

Are you sure?

Sure

What a careless man

You're on fire

What time is it, mister?

Two o'clock

You should head back to work

Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti

Now we have the table

No chairs

Look for chairs

I'll guard our table

You go ahead

Alright

I'll go too

Chair

Another one

Finally

Time to order

BBQ pork buns

Excuse me, miss

Bring us something to eat

Yes

Also ...

We can't eat without tea

Never mind

So what do you want to tell me?

You know about Miss Lin

I don't know how to woo her

I need help

Potato, it's the same case for me
and Miss Chen

Help us out

Here're my special plans for you, one each

Yours

Yours

Don't open it now

Only open it when you really need it

You'll succeed

Tea

Come on

Have some more

Mine

Have some more

The bill please

Twelve fifty together

Ten dollars

Two dollars

Fifty cents

No tips?

What? I've paid

So?

Let's go

Useless buggers

The Mastermind Plan

Miss Chen

Here I come

What's the matter?

You're meeting Miss Lin?

Here?

Why can't I?

Don't do this again

Coming ...

Act according to the plan

Miss Lin, let's go over there

Nice figure

Miss Chen

Why are you staring at Miss Lin?

Is she your date? Or I am?

You, of course

Let's go over there, Miss Chen

There's something ...

that I want to tell you

Go ahead

It's embarrassing

Why?

Go on, only the two of us here, tell me

Please take these flowers

Plastic flowers?

They won't wither

They represent our love

The love will last forever

Miss Chen

I fear that you'll refuse me

I won't, we're friends

Then I've got the courage

I ... I ...

What do you want to say?

It's embarrassing

It's ok, go ahead

I will

Miss Chen, I want to ...

I want to ask you ...

I want to ask you ...

to lend me two hundred dollars for my rent

Funnybone, you asked me out...

so that I can lend you money for rent?

I got fired, you know that

I don't have money for rent next month

Take it

Miss Chen, wait a minute

You have nothing else to say, I'm off now

Miss Chen, I want to speak to you

Please bear with me, Miss Chen

I want to talk to you

Miss Chen, let's have a chat

Sexy

I'm a burning passion

Light up the whole desert

I'm a burning passion

Light up the whole desert

How do you do?

Miss Chen... wait

Miss Chen, don't go

Bye, Miss Chen

Don't be angry

Miss Chen, marry me

I have tuberculosis, 3rd stage

You still want to propose?

It's alright

I've got leprosy, fourth stage

We're the perfect match

Wait

French kiss

French kiss

I'm French

What are you doing ?

French kiss is so exciting

I can't take it

Act lovingly

Miss Lin, look at me

Are you nuts? What's with the face?

You think I'm Brigitte Lin?

Come closer

What's with the pretense?

Miss Lin, you are my sunshine

Miss Lin, you are my oxygen

Kiss me or I will beat you up

My mom said I'm too young to kiss

Damn you

Funnybone, what's wrong with you?

Leave me alone

Miss Chen, wait

Chinese Kung Fu

Enter the Dragon

The Way of the Dragon

The Love Marathon

Get set, ready

What are you doing? I don't want to run

You can run alone

Let's go, Miss Lin

Let go of me

What are you doing ?

Miss Lin, I want to kiss you

I want to love you

I want to cherish you

Go to hell

You think you're Alan Tang?

Kick you good

Take action first and explain later

Hey, sexy lady

What are you doing with the knife?

Don't move

Come with me to the toilet

What for?

Not going to pee

If you don't go...

Then I'll stab you

Didn't you hear ?

Help...

Don't run

Last Tango of Paris

What are you doing?

Let go of me

Help

Let go of me

Let go...

What are you doing?

I'm getting sick

Let go

Stand still ...

Help

You aren't going anywhere

Stand still ...

Come here

It's a disaster

Same here

It's not going well at all

I look like a horny man

We must have swapped the envelopes, oh no

Take this

Take this

That's what happened

What now, Funnybone?

Don't worry, we'll start again

Miss Lin, I love you

Now you're talking

Miss Chen, I'm sorry

I acted like that out of love

Miss Chen, I love you

I want to cherish you

You're precious

Miss Chen, you are my life

You are my soul

Really?

Yes

Cousin, don't run

Poor me

You should listen to me

I love you every day

I love you 365 years

I can't stand it for just one day

Funnybone, you have another woman

It's over between us

Miss Chen

I love you, dear cousin

Litter Bug

What are you doing?

What's wrong with you?

Mrs. Xing, please take a look

There's a fat girl...

running after me

Damn

There's no fat woman

Are you mistaken ?

Which fat girl is chasing you ?

Thank God !

What's the matter with you?

Shouldn't you be glad
if there's a woman after you?

I think other men will be thrilled

You have no idea

My cousin is as big as a mountain

And she's as heavy as an elephant

If I take her as my wife

It would be nice in the winter

But I'll die in the summer

Are you serious?

Have I ever lied to you?

My phone, I'll see you later

Funeral home, did anyone die ?

Sorry, Mr. Chin

I thought it's a wrong number

What? Swimming?

Tomorrow? What time?

Sure, I'll come with Potato tomorrow

See you

Wang, I want a bowl of congee

No spring onions,
two pieces of fried dough

Sure

So many roaches here

Fine, I'll let you go

See where you're going

The roaches breed like rabbits

Take it upstairs to Funnybone

Yes

Funnybone, your congee

Leave it on the table

Sure

Thanks

Eek... Roaches !

People don't have business spirit
these days

I didn't ask for a roach-congee

Wang, here you go

What the hell?

Funnybone, you litterbug

You are so inconsiderate

Look Funnybone

You threw rubbish out on the street

I'm soaked

So?

You should put the rubbish
in the rubbish bin

You are so stupid, Potato

It's the rubbish bin out the window

You are a litterbug

What if I am?

If everyone does that...

then Hong Kong will become Rubbish Central

Potato, you're lucky that...

I didn't throw a bottle out

You think I'm the only one...

who is doing this?

Everyone does that

Let's ask our viewers

Our viewers...

aren't as inconsiderate as you

They won't throw rubbish on the streets

This has gone bad

Again?

Jaws

Stop running

Don't catch me

What are you doing?

You terrible man

I caught the crab for you

It was kindly meant

Thanks

It's done, Jenny

Have some soup

He peed

Beat him up

Stinky

Don't run ...

What's this?

Someone's changing

Are you nuts?

Sorry

What's going on over there?

I wonder

Manager Chiu and his friends

They got bullied

Let's go help

Shark ...

Help, shark

Help

Shark

They are all scared of the shark

So?

You're good, Funnybone

That's right

Thanks, kids

You're welcome

Let's go

You're good, Funnybone

Stop it

I'll treat you to dinner

For real?

Yes

Yes?

Treat us to dinner

When?

Listen

I'll treat you to a shark-fin dinner

Sharks fin dinner

Manager Chiu, you said a sharks fin dinner

What's this? Steamed Shark?

It's better than the garoupa

After you've had this

It's good for your health

Exactly, he is right

If you don't believe me

Let's ask our audience

They've just had fish-ball noodle
outside the cinema

Is that right, friends?

Yes

Everyone agrees

Let's try it

Come on

Eating the shark, it's good for you

Come on

Cheers

Let's start

Let's have a drink

That's more like it

What's wrong, Funnybone?

We're all having a good time

Why are you crying?

I don't want to live anymore

Why not?

You are all in pairs

It's over between me and Miss Chen

Never mind, don't cry

This is a happy occasion

Cheer up, Funnybone

I have a plan

Take a few bottles of Lysol
to Miss Chen's place

Propose to her. If she turns you down...

drink the Lysol and jump out of her window

Sorry?

You want me to commit suicide?

Drink coke as Lysol

Just pretend you'll jump

All women will buy that

Really?

The Proposal

The Funnybone's face, Funnybone's clothes

I look like a gentleman

Gentleman, a perfect gentleman

Funnybone's moustache, Funnybone's cap

Are you alright, Funnybone?

I'm fine

I'm here to propose to Miss Chen

Good luck, bye

Bye

It's here

Miss Chen

What are you doing here?

I'm here to propose marriage to you

Propose? Plastic flowers again?

More economical, can recycle

I love you, Miss Chen

I love you, Miss Chen

I love your heart, I love your lungs

I love your thighs, I love your bum

I love your toes

You're my heater in the winter

My air conditioner in summer

My warm duvet

My soft pillow

I love you, Miss Chen

I love you so much

Will you marry me, Miss Chen?

Oh, it's come to that !

Come here

Yes?

Alright

When's the wedding banquet?

What ? Get out of here

You ...

Oh, Yama... Oh, king of hell

Please don't send me to hell

I've always been a kind person

I donate 10 cents for charity

I take one step in charity walk

Though I've never participated in
community work

Farewell, Miss Chen

Although we can't be a couple
at this lifetime

I'm willing to be your servant
in my next life

Remember Miss Chen

I'm 5'4" in height

4'5" in width

Remember to put a color TV in my coffin

And an air conditioner

Also

Bring Vanda Miss Joaquim

Vanda Miss Joaquim?

The orchid, Singapore's national flower

Funnybone

I don't care if you want to die

It's over...

My precious

I'll see you in my next life time

Cheers

Wait, if you want to die quickly ...

What ?

It's not enough just by drinking Lysol

Pesticides, dish washing liquid

Bleach, DDT

Then you're on your way

Miss Chen

How can you be so cold?

Do you want me to call the emergency line?

Send for an ambulance?

You are terrible ...

You are heartless

You are the ice princess

I'll die now

Heartless

I'll show you

It's high up here

Yes, I promise you

I don't believe you

I mean it

Really?

Yes

Help

Help

Help

Pull me up

Come on

More strength

Get up here

Coming

Get up here

Give it all you've got

Jeez, so high !

Stealing the Groom

Please have a seat

Please have a seat

Let's have a drink

Congratulations, Funnybone

I think I'll take credit for this

Do you agree?

Stop it

Ladies and gentlemen ...

Let us get the groom

Funnybone will tell us about...

his love story with Miss Chen

What do you say?

Yes

Yes or no?

Funnybone, come on

Thanks everyone

Dear guests

With such an applause

Today ...today

Winds coming in from all directions

What's with him?

With occasional showers

Temperature of 66 degrees outside

And 99 degrees indoors

What's that got to do with the weather?

According to the Hong Kong Observatory

Typhoon Princess is reaching
Hong Kong soon

Here's the typhoon

Who are they?

That's my cousin

Cousin?

The more the merrier

Funnybone, introduce her to me

No, I'm afraid

I want to, please

No ...

What are you doing here, fat cow?

To steal your groom

Steal Funnybone?

So?

What?

Step aside

Find Funnybone

Cousin

Help

Don't be so mean, cousin

You're marrying her? No way

Come with me

Marry me

Go

Help

Spare me

My pants

Let me hide first

Damn it

I'm fine

Stop it

It's messier than the United Nations

Dear audience, goodbye,
we'll see you next time

Funnybone, that hurts. Wait for me

A Merry Time

I have a good laugh

You have a good laugh

Let's all have a good laugh

Lighten up if you're angry

Laugh more and you'll live longer

Funnybone is smart

So is Big Potato

We bring you laughter

Clap and hold hands

Laugh more and you'll live longer

We'll resolve more issues next time

我老夫子個樣，我老夫子個相

成個紳士咁個裝

紳士裝，紳士裝

老夫子的鬚，老夫子的帽

望見都開心好笑，認真輕鬆

老夫子個裝，我大蕃薯個樣

大眾都識得古怪裝

古怪裝，古怪裝

似冬瓜個身，有如三寸釘

重有三根黑髮豎係頭上

老夫子、大蕃薯

大家拍硬檔

係有你，就有我

一啤真正爽

笑哈哈，笑哈哈

大家咪亂想

你有弊啽睇開點啦

憂多會變呆

最憎今個款

我最憎咁個樣

又跌手巾一塊賴在路旁上

大蕃薯，有沒有搞錯？

甚麼事呀？

睡覺都放屁呀你

豈有此理，又放屁，算我怕你了…

臭豆腐

真香

香是香，不夠料呀

辣椒，辣椒醬

加點辣椒醬

真香，又夠辣

老夫子，你幹嘛咬我的腳趾頭？

我剛才做夢在吃臭豆腐

你把我的腳趾頭當臭豆腐呀

還抹了辣椒醬呀

你快給我擦乾淨，我不幹…

妹妹，我真喜歡你

你是我的心肝，我真愛你

你想死呀？

把我的腳咬得那麼疼

我夢見肥妞，我跟她親熱一下嘛

你真是神經病，睡覺還想著我表妹

六點半了

起來了，天亮了

老夫子，你開窗幹甚麼？

照著我怎麼睡？

夠時間了

大蕃薯，夠時間了

起來做晨運吧，還睡

運…運個屁，你自己去運吧

我還要睡覺呢

豈有此理

等我用那個紫外光

幫你治好那個香港腳

包你好過那個腳癬靈

疼死我了

龍

龍

虎

鶴

鶴

蛇

不是這樣的，看好了

看見沒有？這樣的

這樣

肩膀

還有…狗

不錯嘛

你想死呀你

你起不來，我扶你起來，我扶你

小姐，怕甚麼醜呀？

你那麼大膽的，調戲女人？

關你屁事呀

蛇

鶴

虎

你還有膽子，過來呀

居然出狗招

這一招是你爸爸我老夫子發明的

我怕…別咬了…我怕

快走，快點走

這個人打匪主意

差點給他剝光了

大蕃薯，這個四眼的就一點點大

我們來嚇唬嚇唬他

過癮呀

快給錢

老兄，我給，千萬別開洞

給了

你呢？

老兄，他不是給你了嗎？我沒錢呀

謝謝了

別出聲

你怎麼那麼隨便就給他了？

老夫子

你給人家搶了兩百塊錢，你還在笑

那些是拍戲的道具鈔票

兩位朋友為甚麼那麼高興？

我笑…

我笑那個箍頸黨搶了我們的錢

你說甚麼？

搶了你的錢還那麼高興？

你不知道

老夫子給他搶的那兩百塊

是拍戲用的道具來的

所以那麼好笑

道具鈔票

真的

那當然了

你看看，我這兒還有一疊

你看看…

好像真的一樣，還給你

那麼真的鈔票放在甚麼地方？

我的真鈔票當然是藏在帽子

別動

把頭給我伸過來

給我拿著槍

這才是真的，謝謝

老夫子，你怎麼那麼糊塗？

你的錢放在帽子裡面你也說給人聽

我怎麼知道他是…

朋友，拿你那一支砰砰…

老夫子，你快開槍打他

頂多判可原諒殺人

對了

站住，砰…砰…

原來是支水槍

哪兒跑？你跑不了

真開心

表哥

原來是你

寶貝，我愛死你了

你愛我？我怕你

我愛死你

放開我

娶我好不好？

不好…

我愛你，表哥…

救命呀，放開我

表哥，娶我，算我求求你，表哥

你拉住我幹甚麼？

我喜歡你

我都說了我不喜歡你，真是

表哥

三寸釘，誰要嫁給你，討厭死了

表哥

你要去哪兒嘛？

表哥

去哪兒？

放開我

表哥

表哥…你上哪兒去了？

你真是個負心的人

肥妹

肥妹，你在哪兒？

大蕃薯

你怎麼躲在垃圾桶裡面

走了沒有？

我找不著她

阿彌陀佛

老夫子，你把她介紹給我認識吧

求之不得了，下次我給你介紹

一定呀，謝謝

都很守次序嘛

來了…

等等我

等等我

站起來

給大哥坐

戴頂小帽挺新潮呀

別擠呀

老兄，排隊上車呀

我們上車還排隊呀

你們上車不用排隊的呀？

去…

我們下車，你還擋道

等等我

等等，等等我

甚麼理由嘛，你沒看見站在那邊

怎麼搞的？

你沒看見站在那邊嘛，你們幹甚麼

喂…你沒看見站在那邊嘛

你怎麼可以在這裡停車呢？

豈有此理的

我…我還沒上車嘛

還有…我還沒上車你怎麼關門了

等等

車來了

別擠…

你以為我搭不到車呀

我老夫子有辦法的

老傢伙，不付款搭車看你敢不敢

怎麼樣？沒事吧

要不要我跟你打電話叫救護車？

你的膽子可真夠大呀

這麼多的車你都不撞

偏偏撞我們警察的車

你沒看見前面是紅燈呀，瞎子呀

對不起

拿執照出來我看看

是

你也有今天哪，兄弟

以後對我們搭車的要客氣一點

你也有今天

到上班的時間了

早…

先生，這電梯是上五樓的嗎？

是呀…

五樓

等一等，阿婆先上，阿婆先上

勾住了，我幫你拿出來

想揩油呀你，缺德

不是呀

滾

我拿東西嘛

看你下次敢不敢

趙經理

老夫子，你又遲到了十五分鐘了

趙經理，是十四分五十九秒九

如果你再遲到的話…

我滾蛋

你滾蛋，那麼這一次呢？

照舊吧

還不快去

老夫子，你搞甚麼？我還沒撒完呢

老夫子，看著點嘛

老夫子

老夫子

甚麼事？

你不要做所長了，趙經理叫你去呢

老夫子，過來…

甚麼事呀？

你看看

這筆帳你是怎麼算的？

你自己看看吧

你怎麼一身騷臭味兒？

一定又讓趙經理罰去洗廁所了

是不是呀？

好臭

香水

真香呀

誰翻過我的東西？

真香，臭臭全沒了

老夫子

陳小姐

你又亂拿我的東西了

下次你再拿，我就拉你去警察局

還給我

還給我嘛

拿呀

還給我嘛

還給我

還給你啦，你自己拿吧

真拿你沒辦法

陳小姐，何必發那麼大脾氣呢

今天晚上我請你看戲

我沒有空

明天晚上？

也沒有空

那後天晚上？

更沒有空

陳小姐

請你過來一下

幫我把這個打兩份

還有這個，打一份就可以了

好，我幫你打

謝謝

真不小心

陳小姐，有沒有跌疼你的八月十五

還不快過來扶我

對不起，我好心端張椅子給你

怎麼知道你又…

你幹甚麼？

該死…

真該死

該打

該打

陳小姐，怎麼你的手都是煙味

經理…

經理，你要不要喝杯茶？

快…

放手呀

經理，本來我想給你拿杯茶的

怎麼會知道，人有失手的時候

是誰把老鼠夾子放在這兒的？

是我，經理

我開除你

經理，你千萬不要開除我

我家裡有一個老母、兩個爸爸

三個老婆、四個妾室

還有五個兒子、五個女兒

千萬不要開除我呀，經理

經理，您就大發慈悲原諒他一次吧

快點走開

經理，這包東西是不是您的？

老夫子，你給我送到山本公司經理

吉村富浪那兒

吉村富浪？

是呀

是甚麼人？

他是日本人

搞甚麼鬼？

原來這門是拉的

好稀奇呀

你以為每扇門都是推的嗎？

不稀奇…是拉的

你找誰呀？

找經理

在裡面

喂，他出去了

你猜這個門，是推的還是拉的？

對了，沒錯

你跟我都錯了

經理，趙經理叫我交給您的

那麼年輕就做經理了

你弄錯了

我不是經理，經理在裡面

謝謝

小姐，這扇門是推的還是拉的？

拉的，神經病

這次不會錯了，是拉的

甚麼事？

我是你爸爸

謝謝

嗨，多毛

謝謝

嗨，多毛

嗨，多毛

謝謝

嗨，多毛

謝謝

嗨，多毛

謝謝

嗨，多毛

謝謝

嗨，多毛

謝謝

嗨，多毛

不要臉，你才多毛

那日本人說的

我的熱情好像一把火

燃燒了整個沙漠

有鬼呀，救命呀

有鬼，救命呀

有鬼，救命

見鬼了你，老夫子

你差點嚇死我

我…我真的碰到鬼了

真是神經病

光天化日的，怎麼會有鬼呀？

我告訴你，你都不信哪？

你總有一天會碰到鬼的

才不聽你的鬼話

有鬼呀

我的熱情好像一把火

幹甚麼？

陳小姐，我要借你的筆用一下

好，我拿給你

謝謝

謝謝

拜拜，謝謝，拜拜…

經理

拜拜

拜你個頭

我出錢找你做事

還是找你來跳舞的？

還不做事？

是

陳小姐，請你進來一下我有事找你

老夫子，陳小姐這一次有麻煩了

老夫子，陳小姐這一進去

骨子都沒了

陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你

我想請你吃晚飯，不知道…

誰呀？

老夫子

趙經理，有重要文件請您簽字

你別害怕

拿去

還有

別慌，有我在這兒你甚麼都不怕

還有…

還有

通通放在這兒，出去

是，趙經理

對了

陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你

我想請你吃晚飯

吃完晚飯去跳舞

跳完舞之後，我們去宵夜

宵完了夜之後…

趙經理，不得了，事情大了

水務局要您交水費

電話公司要您交電話費

三溫暖要您交洗澡費

快點滾出去

繼續寫吧

陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你

我想請你去吃晚飯

吃完晚飯去跳舞

跳完了舞，我們去宵夜

宵夜？

宵完了夜之後

我們直接去夜明珠別墅

擦得亮，更潔白，省水又省力

請用月老牌，對不起呀

清清洗衣粉

擦亮一點

擦得亮，更潔白，省水又省力

你快點給我滾出去

你這個死老夫子

白送給我，我都不要

真讓你給氣死

經理，您現在那麼忙

不如等一會再寫

沒事…來…

繼續

陳小姐，我…

非常之仰慕你

對…

陳小姐，我非常之仰慕你

我想請你去吃晚飯

吃完了晚飯去跳舞…

你想拆房呀？

經理，我怎麼也推不開這個門

我想一定是鎖壞了

我又怕你們兩個在裡面

有甚麼三長兩短的

我想打開這把鎖看看

看你的頭

老夫子，誰叫你八字長得不好

跟經理爭妞，不用說一定是你輸的

我的命根

對不起…我不是有心的

老夫子，你怎麼搞的嘛

你也是，你自己怎麼不看著點呢

謝謝您，走開點，好危險的

對不起…

老夫子，你失戀

你也不要撞我的八月十五嘛

我以為它…它去那邊了

誰知道它往這邊來了

實在對不起

真是的

甚麼都不對了，真是

老夫子，你怎麼回事？我的腳

你又來？別搞我

我跟你又沒有仇

你害得我真苦

怎麼回事？

一定是上面丟下來的

你這個王八蛋，想謀殺呀？

要是給我捉住了，準饒不了你

哪那麼容易捉到我？

真熱

涼快涼快

幹甚麼？

老夫子

關上，快關上

老夫子，你要吹風別吹到我這兒來

老夫子，快點關了它

關

你打我幹甚麼？又不是我叫他…

老夫子

不是我，兩位老兄，放了我

你這個死鬼

故意拿把風扇來吹我的裙子

看我饒不饒得了你，我打…

我不是有心的，饒了我…

饒命呀…

豈有此理

對不起，我不是有心的

好，你淋我

對不起

有仇不報非君子

有仇的報仇，有怨的報怨

七彩雞尾酒讓他嚐嚐

陳小姐，你沒事吧？

我沒事

不要吵

給你

還給你

這是你的

是誰帶的頭？

是他…老夫子

不是我

是他

不是我

我早知道是你，馬上開除

你不敢把我開除的

為甚麼？

因為我會告訴給那個母老虎知道

說甚麼？

說甚麼，你聽著

你昨天晚上跟一個小姐去夜明珠

睡電動圓床

你怎麼知道？

趙經理，你那一套

我怎麼會不知道呢？

告訴你，蒼蠅飛過來

我都知道牠是公的還是母的

你信不信？

我不信，你不敢告訴我老婆聽

我呀…我已經告訴給她了

你用不著嚇唬我

我不是嚇唬你，她已經來了

來了

老趙，過來幫我的忙呀

你看看掉得滿地的東西

怎麼真的來了？

老婆大人

快點過來

這就來了

你怎麼這時候會來的？

我這個時候不能來嗎？

你這個死鬼

我特地來查看你，看你有沒有走私

老夫子

在

他有沒有跟外頭那個女秘書

動手動腳的，亂搞一通？

說給我聽聽

他呀，我告訴您哪

講呀

他跟那女秘書…

我給你加六百塊

太少了嘛

快點講呀

加多一千塊

這還差不多

他跟那個女秘書陳小姐上街去了

你說甚麼？

我說錯了

是我們三個人碰到箍頸黨

好在我老夫子有幾下拳腳

三拳兩腳的

解決了

是呀，老夫子的功夫可真夠厲害

來…抽雪茄，坐…

老夫子，我明天給你升職

我想起來了，我的錢用光了

待會我要上街買東西

把支票簿給我

是…

大人

把這些東西給我帶回去

是

老夫子

在

你幫我看住他

如果他有甚麼亂來的事

馬上打電話給我

我幫您看著他，他不敢亂來

拜拜

趙經理

剛才你加了一千塊錢薪水給我

打算讓我幹甚麼？

幹甚麼？打算叫你滾蛋

我慘了，鬆手…

我好像有樣東西忘了拿了

是甚麼呢？

手袋，對了，沒錯

老夫子，我升你做副經理

副的？

我每年給你十四個月的薪水

這還可以，好了，我考慮一下

原來在這兒呢，瞧我這記性

老頭子，今晚到理髮館去接我

是，拜拜

好了，我就答應你吧

不過我有附帶條件

我要陳小姐做我的秘書

好神氣

甚麼事？

老夫子，你收拾東西幹甚麼？

我看你是被開除了

你猜錯了，我沒開除，升官了

升做副經理

真的？

現在他讓我進去一塊兒享受冷氣呢

真的假的？

陳小姐，我現在做了副經理了

請你喝茶，好嗎？

一會在兵頭花園見面，可記得來呀

誰要是想加薪水就找我老夫子好了

老夫子，怎麼回事？

怎麼了？

老夫子，你沒事吧？

這次連副經理都做不成了

不但做不成了，頭都腫了

大蕃薯，這兒有位子

有位子，真的？

秦先生，那邊有位子

有位子呀？

有位子呀…

這個人真好

坐…

我們運氣真好

夥計，快幫忙把這兒收拾一下

是呀…

夥計，收呀

不能收，這張檯子的客人還沒付帳

還沒付帳？

沒走，進廁所了

對了，不用慌，我有辦法

這樣搞？

好呀…

這個人真是不小心

你怎麼著火了，那麼不小心

先生，幾點鐘了？

兩點

兩點，該上班了

Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti

這回有桌子了

沒有椅子

自己去找呀

我說我在這兒霸住這張桌子

你們去找嘛

好，我們去找

我也去找

有椅子了

我也找到椅子了

這回又有桌子又有椅子了

我說我們該叫東西吃了吧

叉燒包

小姐，過來…

凡是能夠吃的都拿過來

是呀

還有…

沒茶怎麼吃？

湊和嘛

你們把我叫出來喝茶到底有甚麼事

我跟林小姐的事你知道了

每次見面就像老鼠咬烏龜

不知道怎麼下手

大蕃薯，我跟陳小姐也是這樣的

幫我們想個辦法嘛

本山人給你們每人一個錦囊妙計

你的

你的

別打開，天機不可洩漏

到時候打開了，依計行事

包你們成功

鐵觀音

來…

多喝一點

我的

多喝一杯

不喝了…夥計，算帳了

老闆，一共十二塊五

十塊

兩塊

五毛

沒錢學人喝甚麼茶？

怎麼？這不是錢哪？

怎麼了？

算了…我們走了

真丟人

陳小姐

我來了

你怎麼搞的？

你怎麼也可以約林小姐

到這個地方來？

你能約，我不能約呀？

這次就算了，下次可不行

來…

依計行事，大家照做

林小姐，我們到那邊去

身材不錯嘛

陳小姐

你眼巴巴的看著林小姐幹甚麼？

你是等她還是等我？

當然是等你了

陳小姐，我們到那邊去

陳小姐，我有一件事想跟你講

我想了好久了

你有甚麼事就講吧

這件事…我不好意思講出來

有甚麼不好意思嘛

這兒就我們兩個人，你有事就講吧

好，那你就先收下我這三朵花吧

怎麼是塑膠花呀？

塑膠花不會凋謝的

它代表我們的愛情

就跟這三朵花一樣

陳小姐

這件事講出來我怕你不答應

不會的，我們是好朋友嘛

那我就有勇氣講了

我呀…我…

我…你到底想講甚麼嘛

我不好意思講出來，怪難為情的

我說過沒關係，我一定會答應你

那我就講了

陳小姐，我想你…

我想跟你…

我想跟你借…我想跟你借…

借…借兩百塊繳房租

老夫子，你約我出來

就想借兩百塊錢交租呀

我給開除了，你是知道的

下個月我就沒有錢交房租了

拿去

陳小姐，你別走得那麼快

你都沒話講了，我不走幹甚麼

陳小姐，我真的有話要跟你說

你別發火，陳小姐

陳小姐，我真的有話要跟你說呀

陳小姐，我們這邊談談

好性感

我的熱情好像一把火

燃燒了整個沙漠

我的熱情好像一把火

燃燒了整個沙漠

小生有禮

陳小姐…你等等我

陳小姐，你別走

拜拜…陳小姐…

陳小姐，別發火

陳小姐，你就嫁給我吧

我有第三期的肺癆

你還有膽量向我求婚？

不要緊的

我有第四期的痲瘋

咱們這是以毒攻毒

等一下

法國式的接吻

法國式的接吻

法國人來了

老夫子，你瘋了你，幹甚麼？

法國式的接吻那麼刺激的？

我都受不了啦

默默含情

林小姐，你看看我嘛

你有神經病，擠眉弄眼的

你以為我是林青霞是不是？

死傢伙，過來一點嘛

你這個木頭，裝出假正經

林小姐，我愛你入骨

林小姐，我愛你入肺

那你還不親我，我打得你七葷八素

我媽說年紀輕不能接吻

去你媽的

老夫子，你今天見鬼了，那麼下流

我不理你了

陳小姐，等等我

中國功夫

龍爭虎鬥

猛龍過江

愛情長跑

各就各位，預備

幹甚麼？誰跟你跑？

你一個人跑吧

林小姐，走吧

你幹甚麼？放開我

你幹甚麼？

林小姐，我吻你入肉一寸

我吻你入骨二寸

我吻你入心三寸

你這個混蛋，見你的鬼

你以為你是鄧光榮呀

我踢你下三寸

先斬後奏

我說小姐，蠻性感的嘛

老夫子，你拿把刀幹甚麼？

別動…

快點跟我到那邊公共廁所去

幹甚麼？

你以為要你去小便哪，走

要是你不走

我就白刀子進去紅刀子出來

聽見了沒有？

救命呀…

別跑，你跑不了

巴黎最後探戈

你要幹甚麼？

你放手呀

救命呀

你放手，放手呀

放手呀…

你幹甚麼？

我都快散了

你放手

站住…

救命呀

站住，你跑不了

站住

你過來

我碰了個大釘子

林小姐她不吃我這一套

是呀，我也碰了大釘子了

大蕃薯弄得我像個色狼一樣

一定是錦囊妙計調錯了，糟了

收起來

收好

一點都沒錯，真是調錯了

老夫子，這怎麼辦哪？

不用怕，從頭再來過

林小姐，我愛你

對了，這樣才對嘛

陳小姐，我知道錯了

我這樣做無非是為了愛你

陳小姐，我愛你入肉一尺

我愛你入骨兩尺

我愛你入心三尺

陳小姐，你是我的生命

你是我的靈魂

真的？

真的

表哥，你不要再走

我這下可慘了

我不讓你走，心肝，你聽我講嘛

我愛你三百六十五天

我追你三百六十五年

你愛我一天我都受不了

老夫子，原來你還有第二個女人

從現在開始，我們一刀兩斷

陳小姐…

表哥，我愛你嘛

垃圾蟲

老夫子，你幹甚麼？

老夫子，你搞甚麼呀？

成嫂，謝謝你幫我看看

後面有一個胖女人

她…追得我沒命了

活見鬼

老夫子，哪有個胖女人哪

老夫子，你是不是眼花

哪有胖女人追你呀？

阿彌陀佛

老夫子，你怎麼了？

有女人追你還不好？

人家想有女人追都沒有

成嫂，你不知道啊

我的那個表妹像一座獅子山那麼大

像一隻大笨象那麼重呀

如果我要娶她做老婆

冬天還不錯

如果要是到了夏天，我還有命嗎？

是不是真的？

我甚麼時候騙過你

我們家電話響了，回頭見

殯儀館，家裡死人了？

秦先生，對不起

我還以為是人家搭錯線了呢

甚麼？游水？

明天，幾點鐘？

好…明天我跟大蕃薯一塊兒來

就這樣

老王，給我來碗粥吧

不要蔥，順便帶兩根油條上來

好，知道了

住舊樓就那麼麻煩，那麼多蟑螂

走，讓你走

看你往哪兒走

現在的蟑螂生仔跟人一樣快

拿上去給老夫子

好

老夫子，你要的粥來了，趁熱吃吧

放在桌上吧

好

謝謝你呀

蟑螂

現在的人做生意真是沒有公德心

我要碗粥，可這個粥變成蟑螂粥了

老王，還給你

你這個死老夫子真見鬼，亂倒

死老夫子，你這個垃圾蟲

一點公德心都沒有

老夫子，你看看

你亂扔東西到街上

你看弄得我由頭溼到腳

那又怎麼樣？

你應該把垃圾扔進垃圾桶裡面

大蕃薯，你真是蠢

外面就是垃圾桶，怎麼扔都行

老夫子，你這樣就變做垃圾蟲了

是又怎麼樣？

如果人人學你這樣，扔垃圾到街上

香港變成臭港了

大蕃薯，我不扔汽水瓶到街上

就算你運氣了

你以為就我老夫子

一個人扔垃圾的嗎？

人人都那麼扔的

你不信，你問問人家觀眾

人家那些觀眾

不像你那麼沒有公德心

亂扔東西到街上

隔夜的

你怎麼又扔？

別跑

不是我，別抓我

死胖子，幹甚麼？

見鬼了你，老色狼

我幫你抓螃蟹呀

真是好心沒有好報

謝謝

珍妮，快來呀

烹好了，來喝湯

這小子撒尿

揍他

很臭

別跑…

這是甚麼東西？

有人換褲子

神經病呀你

對不起

那邊那麼吵，幹甚麼呀？

是呀

好像是趙經理跟他的朋友

他們給阿飛被欺負

那我們應該去幫忙

大白鯊…

救命呀，大白鯊來了，救命呀

救命呀

大白鯊

有這條大白鯊那些飛仔跑都來不及

怎麼樣？

老夫子，你真行呀

就是

小朋友，謝謝你們

別客氣

走了

老夫子，你真有辦法，真行呀

不要這樣嘛

我請你們去吃飯

是不是真的？

真的

真的？

甚麼，請我們吃飯哪

真的，甚麼時候？

你們大家聽著

我請你們去吃紅燒雞鮑翅

趙經理，你說紅燒雞鮑翅

怎麼來了個清蒸小白鯊的？

吃鯊魚肉好過吃老鼠斑可太多了

我包你們吃了以後

養顏潤肺，滋陰補腎

沒錯了，趙經理說的一點也沒錯

如果你們不信的話

請問問剛才在戲院門口

吃魚蛋粉的觀眾呀

各位朋友，是不是呀？

是呀

各位朋友都說是的

我們大家也嚐嚐

來…

吃鯊魚肉，滋陰補腎

來

來…我敬你

不要客氣

來，我們喝杯酒

這樣才像話

老夫子，你怎麼了？

大家好好的，你哭甚麼呢？

你哭甚麼嘛？

我…我不想做人了

為甚麼不想做人哪？

你看你們大家都是一對對挺高興的

我跟陳小姐吹了

老夫子，算了…不要哭了

大家很高興的聚在一起，你哭幹嘛

老夫子，你不用那麼傷心嘛

我跟你想個辦法

你去買幾瓶拉蘇，去陳小姐家

去向她求婚，如果她不肯答應你呢

你就喝拉蘇，跳樓自殺

你說甚麼？

你要我喝拉蘇，還要我去跳樓？

可口可樂可以當拉蘇嘛

跳樓？只不過是做做樣子

女人是最吃這一套的，包你成功

真的？

我老夫子個樣，我老夫子個相

成個紳士咁個裝

紳士裝，紳士裝

老夫子的鬚，老夫子的帽

老夫子，你有毛病呀？

我沒毛病呀

我是來向陳小姐求婚的

那祝你成功，拜拜

拜拜

是這兒了

陳小姐

你又來幹甚麼？

我向你求婚哪

求婚？又用塑膠花呀？

經濟點，下次還可以再用

陳小姐，我愛你

陳小姐，我愛你

我愛你的心，我愛你的肺

我愛你的大腿，我愛你的臀部

我更加愛你的大腳趾頭

陳小姐，你是我冬天的電暖爐

夏天的冷氣機

睡覺時的大棉被

床上的軟枕頭

陳小姐，我愛你…

我愛你渾身發癢癢

陳小姐，你答應嫁給我吧

這樣嘛

來呀

你答應我了？

行了

那我們甚麼時候請客呀？

請客？你給我滾

你…

閻王爺，閻王爺

千萬不要打我下地獄

善事人人做，我做得最多

公益金我捐一毛

百萬行我行一步

東華三院慈善金我一分都不出

陳小姐，永別了

今生今世無法做夫妻

來生做牛做馬我願意伺候你

陳小姐，你記住

老夫子身高五尺四

打橫四尺五，睡得舒服極

你記得棺材上裝個彩色電視機

還要加冷氣

陳小姐，你記住

清明拜祖記得插胡姬，插胡姬

胡姬？甚麼叫胡姬？

胡姬花，新加坡的國花呀

老夫子，老夫子

你講甚麼我不知，你死是你的事

甚麼都完了，甚麼都完了

我的心肝，我的寶貝

我的肚臍眼，來世再見了

乾杯

等一下，想死得快，等一下…

甚麼話？

老夫子，光是喝拉蘇是不夠的

加點殺蟲水，加點洗潔精

加點漂白水，再加點DDT

這樣你就拿定出世紙了

這…陳小姐

你怎麼可以那麼絕情呢

老夫子，要不要我幫你打九九九

叫好救護車等你呀？

你真是黑心呀，你真是…

你真是無情呀

你這個負心的人

我這次真是死給你看了

負心的人，負心的人

我死給你看

那麼高的？

我答應你了

我不信，你老是騙我

我這次絕不會騙你的

真的？

行了

救命呀，快來救命呀

救命呀，快點…快點來呀

救命呀

你快拉著我，拉著我

快點，用力爬

用力呀

爬上來

來…

上來了

用力

那麼高

請坐…

這邊請坐

各位，咱們喝一杯

恭喜你呀，老夫子

老夫子能成功全靠我呀

是不是？

不要這樣嘛

各位…請大家靜一靜

現在我們就請新郎哥

向大家介紹一下

他跟陳小姐的這個…戀愛史

你們說好不好？

好…

好不好？

老夫子，起來

謝謝各位，謝謝各位

謝謝各位來賓

這麼熱烈的掌聲和捧場

今天嘛…今天就是今天

今天天氣吹東南西北風

老夫子可真是的

偶有陣雨

這個室外溫度是六十六度

室內溫度是九十九度

結婚跟天氣有甚麼關係？

根據天文臺的報告

颱風貴妃小姐就來吹襲本港了

颱風來了

老夫子，這麼多胖子是誰呀？

全都是我表妹

表妹？

肥妹越多越好，炒菜不要用豬油

老夫子，你把她給介紹給我

不行呀，我害怕

我要呀，我要

不…

死肥婆，你來幹甚麼？

我來搶老公

搶老夫子？

怎麼樣？

甚麼？

別擋著我，走開

快給我找老夫子

表哥

慘了，饒命

表哥，你這麼狠心

跟別人結婚不理我了，我不答應

快跟我回去

走，跟我結婚

走

饒命呀，快放了我

饒命，我不回去

不見了，沒褲子穿了

還是先躲起來吧

豈有此理

沒事

肥妹，不要嘛，肥妹

裡面比聯合國還亂

各位觀眾，我們下次再見了，拜拜

我的老二，老夫子，有你就有我

我已開笑口

你已開笑口

大笑一餐包無憂

有邊一個嬲，睇開些咪嬲

大笑一餐包你特別長壽

老夫子夠精

大蕃薯夠醒

望下都開心包無憂

兩家都拍手，兩家拖下手

大笑一餐包你特別長壽

下回分解

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我老夫子

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老夫之個鐘大眾都識得古怪裝置冬瓜

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起身啦天光呀

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猜

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唔該拜拜

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唔該你有一輪呀

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陳小姐我想請你食晚飯你食完晚飯

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食完晚飯

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神奇洗衣粉

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餵你係咪想查口呀

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唔係喎

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你唔夠膽炒我魷魚

你聽住呀你尋晚同嗰個小姐去嘢明珠嗰度呀瞓嗰啲電動你個龍嘢我點會唔知呀話畀你聽呀

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陳小姐

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我考慮下啦

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冇事吖嘛

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餵未走㗎入廁所咋

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油枱

餵冇茶點食呀

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hi hi

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林小姐

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阿陳小姐呀我有件事想同你講我諗咗好耐㗎喇

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同你約我同你同你轉兩百蚊交租

老夫子

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小姐呀你睇下我呀

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我阿媽話細個唔捨得住喎

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[笑聲]

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愛情團考

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阿玲女生得幾kick㗎喎

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我狀曬大阪

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陳小姐我愛你

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你做咩啫

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陳先生

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曱甴

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餵餵餵老夫子呀你睇呀

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[笑聲]

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你好

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你好未呀

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嗰啲咁嘈做乜嘢呀

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離開

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真係好嘢喎

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阿趙經理

今晚老夫子

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老夫子

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又用塑膠花

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呢

度

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唔講嘢呀願望嘢呀千幾唔好打我落地獄人人做我做得最多呀公益金和捐一號百萬行我行一步種牙眨丸

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陳小姐永別呀今生今世做唔到夫妻來世做牛做埋我願意同你嗌陳小姐你記住呀老夫子呀老夫子

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真知冇咁真呀

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成功

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根據天文台嘅報告啦颱風貴妃小姐就嚟吹雜本講㗎喇

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做咩呀

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好嘢呢

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李兆光

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啼笑姻親幫你特別長壽

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