Original subtitles

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

What are you doing?

Waiting to see if that branch of the crack falls.

How long have you been waiting?

23 years, but I think today's the day.

Nothing prepares one for the sheer boredom of endless purgatory.

We could start a rumor. Oh, we haven't started a rumor in a while. Can it be

devastating? Oh, absolutely.

But who should it be about?

Hey, guys.

I just got back from an epic trip. I went to Budapest.

You may know it as Budapest, but in Budapest, it's Budapest.

And it was the Budapest.

Uh -huh. Can't wait to tell Donna all about it. I'm going to see her next

Right, Donna, your island paramour.

Man, this new power has really opened things up for me.

I never realized how bored I was just sitting there for 40 years -ish.

Anyway, nice to see you guys. Good to be back. Good luck with your, uh...

Branch there, Sass.

Today could be the day.

Let me know what happens.

Random thought, but what if we made the rumor about Pete?

Let's make it a doozy.

All right.

Getting your groove back after a breakup. Here we go.

Yes, this article should be the salve to the lingering pain of my separation

from Nigel. Number one, take a trip somewhere fun.

Okay, well, that one is obviously fun.

Number two, reinvent yourself with a bold new wardrobe.

Oh, boy. Guessing that didn't go over well. Wait, let me see.

Enjoy a decadent meal, join a rec league, and meet new people.

Yeah, these aren't helping.

Another great article from the biased living media.

Well, that's it. Looks like I'm going to have to quit my job.

I'm sorry, job?

You have a job?

I was keeping it secret so Mom and Dad didn't freak out. But yeah, I've been

working remotely for the last three months as a financial analyst at

Capital. Apparently, Trapper's been working remotely as some sort of

analyst. What?

How? I got an identity on the dark web, applied online, and got the gig. From

there, it was easy.

Sending in my report, crushing chats on the company Slack.

It's honestly a great time for a ghost to have a job.

So he got an identity on the dark web. How did he even get through an

I said I needed a written interview because I have ADHD, which isn't

true, but I also lied about it in college to get drugs. So there is a

there. So why must you quit this job?

Because my boss is demanding our team attend a mandatory in -person retreat,

which obviously I can't do.

It sucks.

Also, it's just rude. A work thing on a weekend. People have lives.

You're dead.

I'm talking about other people.

Should I get a job? Would that get my groove back?

Now, a good rumor must be surprising, yet plausible.

In life, I once spread a doozy about Mamie Fish having a back nipple. What

Pete's hair?

Maybe we tell people it's a wig. Oh. Or it snaps in place like a Lego piece.

It does look oddly removable.

I guess that's what his island girl Donna's into.

That's it. Donna.

What about Donna?

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

Actually, it's nothing. It's not really meant for you to hear. Thor can keep

secret. Tell no one the Baroness died in season finale of Borders is

Embarrassed. I haven't seen that yet.

It's excellent. You will enjoy.

Now, what about Donna?

Okay, fine. So, rumor has it, Pete's Caribbean girlfriend, Donna, doesn't

Whoa. Peter made the whole thing up.

I can't.

It's very sad.

It's sad.

It's so sad.

But remember, Thorfinn, mum's a word.

Oh, promise.

It's secret.

Sort of like how Baroness died at hands of own sister Penelope. Thorfinn! It's a

great twist.

You will love.

Okay, I have great news. I just slacked with my boss, Brett, and he is down to

have the work retreat.

here at Woodstone. What?

Trevor wants to have his work retreat here. How would that even help? They

be able to see him. True. They won't be able to see me. But they will be able to

see Jay being me.

And now he's suggesting that you somehow pretend to be him.

No.

No way.

How would that even work? Well, they don't know what I look like.

And I can just tell him what to say.

Or tell you to tell him what to say. Yeah, Jay could wear one of those

earpieces. I feel like douchey Wall Street guys do that. Yeah, we do. What

going on?

Why are you so on board? I'm not pretending to be a ghost.

No one is asking him to pretend to be a ghost.

I'm simply asking him to pretend to be the person that a ghost is pretending to

be.

What's going on, gang?

Oh, Trevor's trying to get Jay to...

I'm sorry, what the hell is this?

What? Oh, this?

You know, after you all departed, I finished that magazine article, and I

taken by tip number nine.

New do, new you.

Hey. Hey. Sam. Hey.

Sorry, Isaac did something not important.

Not important?

The old Isaac would be offended by a comment like that.

But the new Isaac says, long hair, don't care.

Sam. Please.

Having this job has made me feel alive again. I love being back in the mix with

my people.

Fun, cool go -getters instead of these dead lamos.

No offense.

No offense taken. All good.

I really hate this.

Jay, this job means so much to Trevor. We could at least try.

Also, I didn't want to make my finance job about money, but if you do this,

split my bonus with you. And he's offering to split his bonus with us.

How much? Enough to repair the fountain. He's talking fountain money, Jay.

Okay. Fine.

Yes! See? It all worked out.

Oh, stop it! But I'm just not sure this sells Trevor Lefkowitz.

I didn't use my real name.

I picked something hard to Google and impossible to forget.

What name did you use?

Hey, guys, it's me, Michael Jackson.

As you all know, my name is Brett, a .k .a. the Brettnator.

I gave him that nickname.

Welcome to our team meeting. I thought it was important for us to get together

IRL, get some FaceTime, to see if Maggie can finally take down Dave. Hey -o!

You guys know I'm engaged.

Nobody cares, Dave. This is happening.

Classic Maggie. I love it. So she's harassing him.

I guess that's progress.

It's all good.

Uh -oh, MJ, you're not on the phone with HR, are you?

Uh, no.

I'm on a business call.

Stop.

Earnings call.

Dollar, dollar bills, y 'all.

And tell him to raise the roof when he says it. That's key.

Earnings call.

Dollar, dollar bills, y 'all. And Trevor says to raise the roof when you say it.

Earnings call.

Dollar, dollar bills, y 'all.

By the way, Michael, thick job with the Dream Tech merger. How did you reach the

valuation?

That is a great question.

How did I come up with the valuation for the Dream Tech merger?

I ran a DCF with a Monte Carlo sim to factor in volatility.

Uh... Hmm.

You know, I ran a DTF down in Monte Carlo.

DTF? Sounds like me this weekend. Am I right, Dave?

Lock your door, Dave. Maggie's had a lot of white wine.

You guys... I got big news.

Did you hear about Pete?

Thor told me that his Caribbean play thing, Donna, isn't real. He made her

What? Why would he do that?

Oh, I'm not that surprised. That's his kink. He likes them fake, huh?

Pete's girlfriend is fake?

Pete's girlfriend is fake. Pete's girlfriend is fake.

Pete? From Compliance?

Yep, that's the one. They have a kid together, I thought.

Nope.

Kink's fake, too.

But I made a major life decision based on Pete bursting into my wedding, saying

how meaningful his relationship with Donna was, and you're telling me he made

all up? Pretty much.

I have to be alone with my thoughts.

Oh.

Yes! Pete with arrow in neck!

He has fake girlfriend!

That is most pathetic, Father.

Yes, he's very embarrassing.

Which is why you must keep secret.

Why would you say that I made up Donna?

Pete, just a rumor going around, everyone saying so.

But the question is, why are you listening to Thor's private yellings

Where is this coming from? Donna is real. She's my girlfriend.

Oh, there you are.

for your wedding day spectacle that was rooted in pure fiction.

I left Nigel at the altar based in part on your tale of this wonderful Donna.

You fooled me with your pitiful fantasy.

Okay, this is escalated.

I may look laid back, but this has my dander up.

I kind of feel like he's stepping on my thing, but you don't have to get into

that right now. Isaac, I would never make up a story like that. Donna is

You've got to believe me.

You've gone too far this time, Peter.

Long hair.

Do you care?

And tell Jay he needs to do a better job selling my anecdotes. Trevor thinks you

could seem a little more enthusiastic about his story. Okay, first of all,

that's way too much salt. And also, you've got to give me something to work

with. That Pauly Shore thing went nowhere.

Nowhere? We shared an ice cream in Montauk.

Who is Pauly Shaw?

A once -in -a -generation talent. And we went split -seas on a pint of rocky

road, and somehow Jay can't even make that interesting. I gotta get back in

there. Hey, do you think I could tell them that the innkeeper lady's into me?

think it might buy me some cred with the gang.

He's not wrong.

Okay, fine. I guess I could be a little lonely up here, running this place by

myself. Your character does not need a backstory, Sam.

Sorry.

Chatting up that hot innkeeper. I think she's got a little thing for me.

Take a number, MJ.

She's been giving me eyes all afternoon.

Really? Is no one safe?

Okay, best restaurant in the city right now. Oh, Le Cirque. Say Le Cirque.

Trevor said it's Le Cirque.

Oh.

Ah, what's he doing?

It used to be Le Cirque.

20 years ago, but now I'd say it's Maxfield, Carbonara, or Tom and Joe's.

but those places are impossible to get into.

Yeah. Not if you know the chef.

Okay, he pulled that off.

But Sam, you gotta come get him. We need the earpiece back in.

Uh, uh, Jay, um, MJ, Michael, Jackson, I can't remember how you said you wanted

your steak cooked.

Medium rare.

Well, actually, could you come show me?

Because... I'm all alone up here, and I don't get to talk to many people since

the mill closed.

Times have been hard.

Is she doing a southern accent?

You don't have a character, Sam.

Sure. I'll be right there.

Oh.

Okay, can I say what we're all thinking?

I am obsessed with MJ.

He?

They like Jay.

Only because I spent the last month laying the groundwork. They don't like

They like Michael Jackson, a .k .a. T -Money. What's crazy is before this

retreat, I expected Michael to be so lame.

What? And old.

His references on Slack were so dated and cringe. I know. He's always talking

about that weird ice skating rom -com, The Cutting Edge.

That's a great movie.

Forgive me for being cultured. I was sure he was going to be like 70.

Totally wrong.

Yeah, it turns out he's not some weird old geezer after all. Yeah.

Geezer? Don't listen to them, Trev.

Four think less suck. Very cool.

Whatever. Screw this.

I got the first course for y 'all.

It's a corn chowder just like Meemaw used to make.

That was before the war.

Before the winds of change swept through our little farmstead.

You know, I was out, but I'm back in.

My girl's painting a picture.

Hey, Thor in Alberta told us what happened. Are you doing okay?

If it makes you feel better, it's not your fault. I'm just really charming and

likable. Jay.

I'm just quoting the Bretonator.

I just feel like such a fool.

I thought this job was my chance to relive my glory days, to pick up where I

left off.

But the truth is, it's too late.

The parade has passed me by. If it helped, parade also passed by Thor.

Did not know there was parade.

Did you see parade?

Well, you still have the job. You could still do your trading and stuff.

It wasn't about the job.

When I was alive, I was on my way to being someone, to making a mark, to

becoming a legend.

But now I'm just some dead guy that nobody remembers.

Look, Trevor.

Here's the thing. He's gone, Jay.

You can just let me make my point. Who does it hurt?

In my day, I've seen many die before that time, such as Agner, who had

intestines ripped out through sphincter, and Gunnhild, who was fed on eyeballs

and beheaded.

I could go on. Please don't.

Feel like posting an update, babe? Trevor feels like he never got the

make his mark because he died so young and... He's starting to realize he never

will. And then Thor tell very relevant sphincter story.

Please convey.

Yeah, I imagine that must be really hard for Trevor.

Oh, man, now I'm feeling bad for the ghost that wanted to sleep with my

I just wish there was something we could do.

I think I might have an idea.

Name of sphincter victim was Agna, in case I had trouble recalling.

Peter, can we talk to you for a moment?

Sure, but I'm pretty cheesed off.

I'm going to figure out what sick, twisted person started this rumor, and

going to slap them with my words, using constructive conversation.

We have a confession to make, Peter.

We were the ones that started that rumor about Donna.

What? Why would you do that?

We were bored, and it seemed fun.

But why me?

Well, to be honest, I think we might... You might have been a little jealous of

your power.

We're very happy for you, but it's not easy hearing about your escapades.

And then the Budapest of it all. Kind of felt like you were asking for it.

Darn it.

I got so caught up in my hectic boundary -crossing lifestyle, I didn't take time

to think about how my travel talk affects the housebound.

That's what I call regular ghosts.

Cool. It can't be easy for Donna either, dating a 100 % free range.

That's what I call myself.

Well, that...

Notwithstanding, again, what we did was wrong, and we are very sorry. And don't

worry, we will tell everyone that you were the ones that spread the vicious

rumor. Yeah, man, I'm sorry.

Thanks, I appreciate it, but I feel like the damage is done. I mean, how can I

prove that Donna's real?

She can't come here.

You guys clearly can't go there.

I'm the only one with the almost magical ability to move between different...

Oh, okay, yeah, I'm hearing it now.

Ooh, this is a great retreat.

From the highs of getting wasted with you all last night...

To the lows of Dave wimping out and staying faithful to his fiancée. Nice

Dave. Do they make that in a men's version?

Maggie called Dave woman in most humorous manner.

I'd like to say a few words.

You're the man, MJ.

Cool. Glad they love Jay.

And just keep listening.

It's true.

I am the man.

But... It's only because I had the best mentor, a legend by the name of

Trevor Lefkowitz.

What? He taught me everything I know about finance and hot chicks and

rom -com The Cutting Edge.

Trevor Lefkowitz?

You mean T -Money?

You know him?

We all know Trevor Lefkowitz.

They do?

You do?

Sorry, can I get you guys anything?

What happened to your accent?

Oh, that was my twin sister, Daisy Mae.

We were separated at birth, but now we run an inn together.

She's a laid -back country gal, and I'm a go -go city slicker, but somehow it

worked. What was this for, Sam?

Anyway, how do you guys know T -Money?

Well, we don't know him personally, but we know the legend.

Back in the day.

Trevor gave his pants to a junior trader named Pincus during a hazing ritual

known as the Run of Fun. True hero move on Trevor's part. And Pincus was forever

grateful. When he started his own firm, he banned hazing and then passed the

story down to his mentees. They passed it down to us.

Tea money changed the game.

That's incredible.

It was hot, too.

It just keeps getting better.

How's that for leaving a mark, Trev? We still do the run of fun to this day, but

now it's a fun tribute to Trevor and his legacy.

They don't like you, Trevor.

They idolize you.

Wait, how could Trevor be your mentor?

Wouldn't you have been a teenager when he died?

Oh, he was a family friend, and I was very advanced. Like, whoo -hoo, the

works. On the count of three.

One, two, three.

Team Money!

Oh,

Trevor

looks so happy.

Good for him.

That shirt really hikes up when it's running, huh?

Wonder if they make that shirt in lady version.

Wait.

I'm going in.

My hair looks too good not to be flowing in the breeze.

Well,

Pete, I did a little research for you, and I managed to find some articles

Donna. She's real, all right. See?

I told you.

Wait, why are there articles about her?

Because she sort of murdered her husband and fled to the Caribbean.

Really?

Oh, shoot.

Yeah, there's actually an episode of a show called Vicious Vixens that delves

into the whole situation.

You guys want to watch?

No, we don't want to watch an episode about Pete's psychotic murdering

girlfriend. Play it.

They called her the Slaying Mantis.

Ooh, that's clever.

A cold -blooded killer.

Whoa, a pitchfork?

Didn't see that coming. Neither did Gerald, apparently.

Do you know Pete?

The guy with the arrow through his neck?

Yeah, what about him?

Rumor has it his hair is actually some type of wig.

Interesting. I would buy that.

Some are saying it may even be made out of Lego.

Did you guys start that rumor, too?

We didn't know if the Donna rumor would get traction.

So we started the hair thing as a hedge.