All language subtitles for Family Guy 15x17 Peters Lost Youth

Hey, guys, I didn't
know you were coming

to the church raffle.

I will confess a mix-up to you.

I thought Donna said we were
going to the "church waffle."

And we're only here for the
fantasy weekend at Fenway park.

Fenway park?

Oh, yeah, the winner and
a friend get to hang out

and practice with retired
Red Sox players

and then play in a real game,
right on the field at Fenway.

Oh, my god, that's always
been a dream of mine!

Well, that and tuning a guitar
in front of a live audience.

This was in perfect tune
when they handed it to me.

Next up, our fantasy weekend
for two at Fenway park.

Oh, man, this is it!

And the winner is...
Peter Griffin!

Holy crap, I won!

Wow, good for you!
Congratulations!

I like it when people
say your name out loud!

How exciting, Peter.

A weekend trip to Boston.

Yeah, and the best part is,

I don't even have
to get on a plane.

I always have trouble
at the airport.

Sir, you're not allowed
to be on the carousel.

Well, then maybe you shouldn't
have named it such a fun word.

Uh, excuse me, excuse me,
I'm not yours.

He's stealing me!

I'm being stolen!

Excuse me, I think
you've got mine.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Oh, hey, quagmire.
Hey, Peter.

So I was just baking
a coffee cake,

and I figured I'd bring it over,

'cause you like coffee cake.

Wow, thanks.

Yeah, yeah, no problem.

So, who are you taking to Fenway?
What?

Well, I was just thinking,
you have that extra ticket,

maybe you'd want to...

Peter, before you answer him,

I've got that murdered jogger's
Discman you wanted last week.

Still bloody.

Hi, Peter.

You know how you like $40 cash?

Well, here's almost $40 cash.

Guys, look, I know
you all want to go,

but I-i need a little more
time to figure this out.

I mean, I-it's a
tough decision.

Like what to do with that
big watermelon I bought.

Griffin, I just wanted
to tell you...

...that's a
great outfit.

Keep it up.

I knew it.

I have to start trusting
myself more.

Man, I don't envy you.

Whichever one of them
you bring to Fenway,

the other two will
be mad at you.

I don't want to bring
any of them.

Those guys are all way better
than me at baseball.

They'd just show me up
and ruin it for me.

Why don't you bring Lois?

She doesn't care about baseball,

and that way nobody gets
their feelings hurt.

Brian, that's a great idea.

Thanks.

Is it new-tennis-ball
great?

It's three-new-tennis-balls
great.

I'm gonna get 'em all,
I'm gonna get 'em all,

I'm gonna get 'em all!

Mom, you're really
going to Boston?

I didn't even think
you liked baseball.

Oh, I'm not going for baseball,

I-I'm going for shopping,
the hotel spa,

and two days of being away

from you
life-sucking turds.

Anyway, be good.

And while we're gone,
Brian's in charge.

Where is Brian?

What's up, bitches?

Oh, come on, mom, really?

I'm in high school,

and you're still putting
the dog in charge?

Believe me, Meg,
you want me in charge.

Stewie can be a
bit of a handful.

He's right, you know.

I'm a total Taurus,
stubborn as they come.

All right, fine, Meg.

While we're away,
you can be in charge.

Come on, Lois,
time to get to Fenway.

Wow, dad, you look awesome.

But I thought you were gonna
dress like a baseball player.

I am, Chris.

I'm the type of player
who arrives at the stadium

in a suit.

With a tie knot
as big as an apple.

That's how you know
I got Mon-ay.

All right, we'll see
you guys Sunday.

Okay, now you heard mom say
I'm in charge,

so I just want to lay a
few ground rules. Yeah.

I promise we're gonna have fun,

but there will be a schedule,
uh-huh.

Just to keep everything running smoothly.
Sure, got to have boundaries.

And I may assign a chore or two,
that's great, Meg.

Because it's actually more fun sounds
like you got it all worked out.

When everyone pitches in.
Hey, by the way...

Ah!

I'm gonna flush your
retainer down the toilet.

Look at this, Lois, the
Fenway park locker room.

All right, Peter, I'm gonna go.

You want to hand me some cash
in front of the other men

so you feel powerful?

Instead, why don't you just
take my minions discover card?

Hey, there, sluggers.

Welcome to Red Sox
fantasy weekend.

Well, who's this?

We've never had a lady
come out for this before.

Oh, no, no, that's my wife,
she's just dropping me off.

Yeah, you're nice,
but I'm not staying.

I don't know the first
thing about baseball.

Look, your spot's
already paid for.

And besides, if you leave,
the teams will be lopsided.

So, as your coach, I insist
you stay and play with us.

Right, fellas?

Well, I don't know.

What do you think, Peter?

What do I think about
sharing fantasy baseball camp

with my wife?

Yeah, come on, let her play.

Wow, 1980s
all-star Wade Boggs!

Hey, would you mind standing
next to a star of today?

Sure.

Man, what happened to our game?

David Ortiz, will you
pick him up like a baby?

It's your weekend.

Now let me put this
baby bonnet on his head

and a cigar in his mouth.

So, what do you say?

Are you gonna let
your wife play?

Absolutely.

Lois, stay here
and play with us.

I can't say no to baby Boggs.

Coochie-coochie-coo...
ah, he bit me.

Oh, my god,
I can't believe I'm here.

Lois, see that wall there?

They call that
"the green monster."

And over there's where I threw a
d-cell battery at Jose Canseco.

All right, let's play ball.

Wow, you must be excited, Peter.

Yep, guess I can cross this
one off my bucket list.

All that's left now is living
the pueblo lifestyle.

Peter, what the hell
did you do to the house?

I know, it seems pretty lame
until you realize I'm 58.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go lick the foot

of a fleshy, pale woman
for real sex 34.

Rupert, what do you think
of this fan fiction I wrote?

"Diego pressed Dora
against the wall,

"her bosom heaving,

"her hot Latina breath
on his face.

For once, Diego was going
to do the exploring."

Whew, just reading it...
Muy caliente.

Okay, Stewie, time for
you to get dressed.

Yeah, a closed door
means "come in," I guess.

What the hell do you
think you're doing?

Let's pick out a
cute shirt for you.

Then I thought we
can go to the park.

Or, how about this?

I press my butt against
the wall and dook on it?

Stewie!

Don't do that!

You're messing with my schedule,

so I'm giving you wall poo.

Stop that right now.

You just earned
a time-out.

A what? Let go of me!

Don't you walk away!

Hey, don't bruise me,
I'm going dancing later.

You listen to me,
you little monster,

I take abuse from
everybody around here,

but I am not gonna
take it from you.

Now sit here until
I say you can get up.

And if you move
one muscle before then,

I'll smack you
in your weird head.

Hey, it's not weird.

Mom says it's distinctive.

Griffin, you're up.

It's always the fat one.

I heard that.

I said it right to you.

You know what?

Let's just get Lois up to bat.

Where's Lois?

I'm right here, coach.

Guess you don't have
a lot of babes out here.

Except for babe Ruth.

Babe Ruth.
Ha!

That's funny 'cause she's hot.

Ah, it's a little like tennis.

Uh, did you see that, Peter?

I'm doing it all!

Damn it. This is supposed
to be my weekend.

Stewie?

What the hell's going on?

Meg's awful!

She gave me a time-out and
she made me sit in this chair.

My god, she put eye
shadow on you, too.

I might've gotten up
from the chair.

Brian, Meg's lost her mind.

You've got to talk to her.

Stewie, Lois put Meg in charge,

and, honestly, once I knew that,

I ate a pot cookie.

So, um, yeah.

So good luck with all that.

Uh, you got any cool DVDs?

Brian, please, I need help.

Totally.

Hey, where's Chris?

I wonder if he'll play
Wii bowling with me.

All right, that's it,
I'm not just gonna sit here

and see what that psycho
does next.

All right, think.

Ah!

I shall fashion
a makeshift ladder

with my diaper genie entrails,
shimmy down to the yard,

and I'm free.

The trick, Chris,
is thinking of the wand

as an extension of your arm.

Wow, I can't believe
I'm pretend bowling

with a dog on drugs!

Ah! Son of a bitch!

Oh, my god, a baby!

My name's Shelly.

I can't have any of my own.

Would you like to
come home with me?

I love you so much.

Ah! Everywhere's a nightmare!

Wow, it's nice they put on
a banquet for you.

It looks like I'm
the only woman here.

Yeah, they're ex-athletes,

which means they're all
divorced.

In fact, their ex-wives are
having a banquet next door

with their money.

Oh, they're having fun.

They're doing a lot
of pointing dancing.

Well, at least somebody's
having fun here tonight.

Oh, you're just nervous
about the big game tomorrow.

I-is it 'cause of how pink
you turn when you run?

A couple guys mentioned
that today on the field.

What? Who said that?

I don't know,
"N-Nomar" something.

You met Nomar?!

Hey, there you are.

We've been saving a spot
at the head table for you

with all the
hall-of-famers.

Oh, thanks.

Finally something's
going my way.

Where should I...
Not you. Lois.

What?

This is the one night
of the year

they let me out
of the scoreboard.

Oh, I don't know if I deserve
to sit at the head table.

No, no, we took a vote.

We all want to sit next to you.

You're the only one
here who doesn't have

a fistful of baseball
cards for us to sign.

I wasn't gonna
have 'em sign 'em.

I was just gonna
tell 'em their stats.

But this is Peter's weekend.

Aw, don't worry about Peter.

Now, come on, Lois,
we've got you sitting

right between Pedro Martinez

and Ted Williams' severed head.

There's a special place in hell

for whoever's responsible
for me ending up like this.

Hey, Meg, is anybody gonna
eat this grilled cheese?

No, don't eat that.
That's Stewie's lunch.

Oh, my god, Stewie!

I forgot, he's been
in a time-out for six hours.

Stewie?
Oh, no, where is he?

He's gone... I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.

I tried to tell you,
watching Stewie wasn't easy.

Oh... aw, man,
this is terrible.

Stewie could be anywhere.

Sorry, I forgot my jacket.

Okay, everybody, we're gonna
do some double-play drills.

Oh, yeah, a little infield.

Let's flash some leather,
huh, guys?

Who wants to play second?

I will.

Lois, why don't you take second?

How could he not see that?

I even held up my arm
with my other hand.

That is the most noticeable way

to raise your hand.

Okay, Griffin, you go out there

and be the base runner.

All right, Peter,
show 'em what you got.

Okay, Lois, catch the ball,

and if your foot
comes off the bag,

just tag Peter
on any part of his body.

How could I miss, right?

It'll be like tagging a barn.

Sorry, Peter, that's baseball.

I'll show you baseball,
you sexually unsatisfied wife!

Oh.

Yeah! Now, that's a
big-league slide, huh, coach?

Damn it!

I think it's broken.

Griffin, what are you, an idiot?

Yeah, an idiot
who's gonna show up

on Sportscenter tonight.

Coming up after the break,

we'll have highlights
of the playoff game between...

Streaking. Unrelated.

Yep, her leg is fractured.

We should get her
to the hospital.

My only medical training
is to say "walk it off."

Can you walk it off?
No!

Oh, well, that's not good.

Okay, I'm gonna go fake-use
the phone in the dugout.

Peter, what the hell
got into you?

Nothing. I was just trying
to play hard, like Pete rose.

Look, I can even do
the Pete rose haircut.

I bet you a thousand bucks
I have a drinking problem.

Guys, we got to get
that leg set.

I guess I should
ride in the ambulance.

You think I'll be back
in time for the game?

What? You're not
playing in the game.

It's supposed to be
a fun day out here,

and you go nuts and
break your wife's leg.

It's not my fault,
I'm all hopped up

on hard baseball card gum.

Mmm, it's like eating
a MasterCard.

Let's get her out of here.

And you, you're done.

Clean out your locker!

Kicked out?
I'm totally screwed.

Like those poor guys
who had to come up

with a new ad campaign
for subway.

Hey, I'm Mike.

I like sandwiches
and people my own age.

Subway... please don't
think of pedophilia.

You know what I'm
getting sick of saying?

"My husband did this to me,
but it's not what you think."

Please forgive me, Lois.
I'm so stupid.

The reason I didn't
bring my friends is

'cause I didn't want 'em
hogging the spotlight.

And then when I saw everyone
giving you all that attention,

I-I guess I kind of lost it.

You did a little.

But of course I forgive you.

I just don't understand
why you went so crazy.

Well, ever since I was little,

I was always the fat,
uncoordinated kid

that nobody wanted
on their team.

And I was excited
that for one weekend,

if I could just step
on that field

and get a hit at Fenway park,

I could erase all that
and feel like a champ

for the first time in my life.

But I'm not a champ,
I'm a fat loser.

No wonder nobody ever picked me.

I picked you, Peter.

And to me and our kids,
you will always be a winner.

Thanks, Lois.

And you know what?
If that's true,

I don't need to play
in some stupid

fantasy baseball game.

Well, guess what.

You're gonna play in that game,

and you're gonna get that hit.

And when you do, we're
all gonna be there

to cheer you on.

Really? Well,
how's that gonna happen?

Peter, these guys have
been sexually harassing me

since the second I got here.

Either you play, or
every one of these Red Sox

are going to jail...
even Ted Williams.

Mmm, new meat.

I think we're gonna
get along just fine.

This is the
number-one fear

of only being a head.

Brian, do you always listen to
the Sirius XM preview station?

Yeah, I'm thinking about
pulling the trigger,

but they make you sign,
like, a two-year...

Guys, who cares about
your dumb radio?!

We can't find Stewie anywhere.

Hello.
Oh, hi, mom.

Hi, honey.
How you doing?

How's Stewie?

Oh, he's great.
Not lost or anything.

How's fantasy camp going?

Uh, your father broke
my leg out of jealousy,

but that didn't ruin
our honeymoon,

and it's not gonna ruin this.

So listen, I want all you guys

to drive up to Boston
this afternoon

to see your father play
in the big game.

Uh, wow, we'd love to...

Mom, but we promised Stewie

we'd perform a puppet show
for him later today.

Oh, you can perform it
for all of us up here in Boston.

The game's in two hours.

Drive safely.

Crap! Now we got to find Stewie
and write a puppet show.

We could repurpose
my one-act farce.

Or we could write
something fresh.

Look, just because it's
already been written

doesn't mean it's not fresh.

What did I just say?
Shut up!

We're in trouble.
I'm in trouble.

Hey, what's this, a
dickweed convention?

Stewie!

Oh, thank god you're home!

Where the hell have you been?

As far away from her
as possible.

I forgot her name, honestly.

Who, Meg? - Yes, yes, Meg.
She's scary and mean,

and I don't ever want her
to be in charge of me.

Are you afraid of me,
little guy?

Oh, Stewie, I'm really sorry
I left you in that time-out.

I love you very much,
and I'm so happy you're home.

You're my little brother.

Can you forgive me?

Well... all right.

Can I have your baby?

Don't let her in!

We're all proud of you, Peter.

N-now, don't be nervous.

I ain't nervous, Lois...
I'm just sweating

'cause I was too embarrassed
to get nude in the locker room,

so I'm wearing all this
over long pajamas.

Ladies and gentlemen,
now batting

for the Boston Red Sox,
Peter Griffin!

Fair ball!
Run, Peter! Run it out!

Peter's brain.

Yeah, uh, this is
the muscle department.

What the hell is he doing?

Uh, apparently,
he's trying to sprint.

Sprint? He got winded
walking to the plate.

And he's been out in the
blazing sun for two days.

Has he had any water?

No. He told his wife
there's juices in the hot dogs.

Well, I'm sorry, I got no choice

but to call for a
complete muscle failure.

Look! Dad's planking,

from, like, eight years ago!

Is there a Neiman Marcus
in Boston?

Peter! Get up!
Get up and run!

Run, Peter!
Come on, dad!

We love you! Copley place.
How far is that?

I ran like a champion that day,
pushing through the pain

of two torn hamstrings
and a ruptured groin,

to leg out the hit
at Fenway park

I had always dreamed of.

But nobody noticed, 'cause
the account manager from B of a

who was playing third base
had a massive coronary

trying to field
my crappy little nubber.

The hit was amazing,
but what made it even better

was that my family was there
to share the moment with me.

And on the car ride home,
they put on a puppet show

that made me laugh so hard
I crashed into a tollbooth

on the mass pike,
totaling the car

and breaking Lois's other leg.

The casts kind of smell,

so I won't let her sleep in
the bedroom till they're off.