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1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:03,568
♪ Men.♪
2
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,181
Hello, Walden.
Good to see you.
3
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:09,357
I would say, "Good to see you,"
but, of course,
4
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:13,404
when I see you, it's usually
'cause things aren't good.
5
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:16,842
Well, if things were
always good with people,
6
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:19,062
I wouldn't have that condo
in Palm Springs.
7
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:21,934
So...
8
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,371
what's going on?
9
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:26,983
Well, I left
the woman that I loved
10
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,593
and thought I was gonna marry
11
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,205
for another woman
who I thought I loved more,
12
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,033
and then...
13
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,730
I lost them both.
14
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,210
So tell me about these women.
15
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:37,994
Well, Kate was my ex,
16
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,214
but the only reason
we broke up in the first place
17
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:41,606
is 'cause she moved to China.
18
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:43,434
Um, she's amazing.
19
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[soft laugh]
20
00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:45,915
She's smart and driven
21
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:50,267
and sexy and beautiful.
22
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,877
Then there's
23
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:55,185
Vivian, who's a girl
who knocked on my door
24
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,753
'cause she wanted
to drink from my hose.
25
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,061
Okay, let's table
the hose part for now
26
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:04,151
and focus on the fact that you
broke up with a woman you loved
27
00:01:04,238 --> 00:01:06,370
for a stranger
who knocked on your door.
28
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:08,459
I know. Romantic, right?
29
00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,940
What the hell's wrong with you?
30
00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:13,203
Isn't that what
I'm paying you to tell me?
31
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,249
Well, if I just
tell you the answers,
32
00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:18,817
I don't get to yell at you. And
this has to be fun for me, too.
33
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:20,863
Let me ask you
something, Walden.
34
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:21,994
Have you ever
been able to have sex
35
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,997
and not fall in love?
36
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,478
Only with myself.
37
00:01:27,565 --> 00:01:30,568
Well, it seems to me
you base your own value
38
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:33,136
on who's willing
to have sex with you.
39
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,007
How do you feel
after you sleep with someone?
40
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,097
Grateful.
41
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:39,273
Happy.
42
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,363
Bashful. Dopey.
Basically all the Dwarfs.
43
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:44,974
Did it ever occur to you
that these women
44
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,150
might also be grateful?
45
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,499
No.
46
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:49,892
Well, why not? You're a smart,
47
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,807
successful, good-looking guy.
48
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:54,853
There are plenty of women who
would love to have sex with you.
49
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,377
Are you flirting with me?
50
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:59,728
Walden, now you're
attempting to forge
51
00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:03,253
an emotional attachment
with your gay therapist.
52
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,516
Is it working?
53
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,997
A little bit.
You're extremely pretty.
54
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,913
But the point is,
55
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,915
you need to break this pattern.
56
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:14,525
How am I supposed to do that?
57
00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:16,092
I'm gonna
write you a prescription.
58
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:19,704
You need to learn
to enjoy sexual relations
59
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,880
without concluding
that every woman...
60
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,186
is the one.
61
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:28,191
"Bang everything that moves."
62
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:31,847
Twice a day, if possible.
Mixing with alcohol is fine,
63
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,327
just not while driving.
64
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,024
Look,
65
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:36,982
if you do this, it's very likely
that the next time
66
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:40,682
you fall in love, the emotions
that you feel will be authentic
67
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,249
and not just
projecting on someone
68
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:45,382
because you shared
a physical connection.
69
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:47,906
But what if the first woman
I have casual sex with
70
00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,125
turns out to be the one?
71
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,996
Wow.
72
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,607
When I'm done with you,
73
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:55,044
I'm gonna be able
to buy a yacht.
74
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:58,656
♪ Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men ♪
75
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:01,920
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
76
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,186
♪ Men.♪
77
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:09,885
So, Mr. Mardirosian,
if-if you don't mind my asking,
78
00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:12,279
uh, how did you hear about
my chiropractic business,
79
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:15,456
Adjustments...
[whispers]: by the Sea?
80
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:16,892
You came into the deli.
81
00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:18,720
You asked to pay
for your baba ghanoush
82
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:20,504
with free back adjustment.
83
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,158
Mm. That doesn't
narrow it down.
84
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:25,161
I made that offer in a lotta
delis in Little Armenia.
85
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,858
Anyway,
why don't you,
86
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,164
uh, hop up on the table
and I'll try to make your back
87
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:30,210
as tender as your kebobs.
88
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:37,260
Oh, my.
89
00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,741
Guess this explains
the hair in my hummus.
90
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,613
Whoa.
91
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,267
Those are balls.
92
00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:47,270
Uh, Alan, can I talk to you
for a second?
93
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,620
Oh, uh, uh, just,
just make yourself comfortable.
94
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:53,668
[dreamy music playing]
95
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,235
[soft chimes]
96
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:57,280
[whispers]: By the sea.
97
00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:05,375
What's going on?Well, I don't know
if you've noticed,
98
00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:08,030
but I haven't really been
working very much lately.
99
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:09,945
You know, now that
you mention it,
100
00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:12,339
I havenoticed that you've been
here literally every day
101
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:14,166
for the past three years.
102
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,778
My point is I-I'm trying to
get my business going again.
103
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:19,824
Ergo, Adjustments...
[whispers]: by the Sea.
104
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:20,999
That's great.
105
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:23,001
And I'm really proud of you.
106
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:26,222
But why's it happening
[whispers]: in my living room?
107
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,833
Because you can charge
$50 more an hour if it's
108
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:29,443
[whispers]: by the sea.
109
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,227
And not
110
00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:34,404
[whispers]:
above a Quiznos.
111
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,580
Okay, this is my house,
not a place of business.
112
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,626
It's just temporary.
I-I just need to
113
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,497
build up my clientele so
I can rent a new space.
114
00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,194
I-I promise, you will
not know I'm here.
115
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,195
I alwaysknow you're here.
116
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,198
Oh, you are so sweet.
117
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,288
This is gonna be a good
thing. You'll see.
118
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:51,378
I'll never see anything
but those balls again.
119
00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:54,250
[sighs]
120
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,301
Of all the places
he doesn't have hair.
121
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:06,393
♪ Men.♪
122
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,700
Hey, Berta, can I ask you
a personal question?
123
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,702
Twice. Once in college and once
124
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,052
with a waitress
from Howard Johnson's.
125
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:16,098
Oh. No, uh...
126
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,840
Do you think it's possible
127
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:21,103
to have sex with someone
without an emotional attachment?
128
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:23,366
Of course.
129
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:26,587
My rule is, "find 'em,
fornicate and forget 'em."
130
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:28,502
Mine is "love 'em, lose 'em,
131
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,286
live the rest of your life
with Alan."
132
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,940
[laughs]
133
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,637
I think yours is catchier.
134
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:35,335
Not as catchy as what I got
from that waitress
135
00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:36,727
from Howard Johnson's.
136
00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:38,163
Thank God for penicillin.
137
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:40,209
[doorbell rings]She should be on TV.
138
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,173
Hello.
139
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:51,351
Is this Adjustments by the Sea?
140
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:52,874
Oh.
141
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:54,789
Actually, it's pronounced
"Adjustments...
142
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:57,313
[whispers]:
by the Sea."
143
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,054
Oh, okay.
144
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:02,971
Well I-I have an appointment
with Dr. Harper at 2:00.
145
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,668
Oh. Uh...
146
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:08,890
Sorry... D-Dr. Harper
isn't here right now.
147
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:10,326
Um...
148
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:11,414
You know what,
why don't you come
149
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:12,633
and have a seat and I'll see
150
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:13,677
if I can reach him.
151
00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,244
Okay. Wow.
152
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:18,595
Ooh, this is quite a place.
153
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,858
Yes, Dr. Harper has made
154
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,382
a tremendous success
of his life.
155
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,167
He's gone from having nothing
156
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,995
to living in a house
on the beach.
157
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:29,040
How does he do it?
158
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:31,347
[rattling, clanging]
159
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,093
[phone ringing]
160
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,225
Adjustments by the Sea.
Please hold.
161
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,489
Your call is important to us.
162
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,405
Please stay on the...Alan, it's me.
163
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,145
You didn't have to yell,
you could've just
164
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,104
hit zero at any time.
165
00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:51,149
You have a client here.
Where are you?
166
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:53,021
I'm stuck in traffic.
There was an accident.
167
00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:55,110
Well, how long
till you get here?I don't know.
168
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:58,156
How long does it take the Jaws
of Life to pry open a Prius?
169
00:06:58,243 --> 00:06:59,375
Just-just keep her busy.
170
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:02,422
How? I'm not a chiropractor.
171
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,772
According to the state
licensing board, neither am I.
172
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,210
I'll be there as soon as I can.[beeps]
173
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:12,170
Ugh. The one time I actually
want him in my house.
174
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:18,220
I'm sorry, he's
stuck in traffic.
175
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,570
I'm Walden.
176
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:23,312
It's nice to meet you.
I'm Tracy.
177
00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:27,055
I have to say, the view here
is very impressive.
178
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,491
Oh, yeah.
179
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,188
The beach is
beautiful, isn't it?
180
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:32,103
I wasn't
talking about the beach.
181
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:33,453
You're not?
182
00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,544
Oh.
183
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:40,155
You're talking about...
184
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:43,201
Thank you. [giggles]
185
00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:44,855
Um... [clears throat]
186
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:49,251
So, Walden, are-are you
a chiropractor, too?
187
00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:50,774
Oh, no. You do not
want these hands
188
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,167
touching your body.
189
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:54,343
I don't have the
proper credentials.
190
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:58,216
I do, however, have
a note from a doctor.
191
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,088
Is that velour?
192
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:03,134
You are adorable.
193
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:06,398
So, how'd you hurt your back?
194
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:10,228
You know, it might just
be easier if I showed you.
195
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:12,970
Easy's... always good.
196
00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:14,798
That's true.
197
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:18,759
Although some things are better
when they're harder.
198
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:21,022
Oh, yeah, like working out.
199
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,374
Or what you're
talking about.
200
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:31,380
I see how you
hurt your back.
201
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,817
I hope I didn't hurt yours.
202
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:36,733
Sorry for the scratch marks.Yeah.
203
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,779
Listen, um,
204
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:40,781
I hope you don't take
this the wrong way...
205
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:44,915
Oh. I think taking it the wrong
way is what fixed my back.
206
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,570
Actually, that was an accident,
but it worked out for everyone.
207
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:49,050
Anyway, I...
208
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:52,619
I recognize that
what we just shared
209
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:56,231
is something
very intimate,
210
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:59,060
and it would only be
natural for both of us
211
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,279
to be experiencing feelings
212
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:02,367
of affection for one another,
213
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:05,022
and perhaps develop a desire
214
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:09,200
to share a meal or a drink
215
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,072
or a couple of years together,
216
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:12,856
but is it
possible that
217
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:15,032
what might be best
218
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,643
is...
219
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,427
for this to remain a
220
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,734
casual encounter?
221
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,562
Sure.
222
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,957
Really?Yep.
223
00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:28,959
'Cause i-if you want
to get a cup of coffee...
224
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,570
Oh, I got to go pick up my kids
from soccer. Thanks, Walden.
225
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,791
Aw. What a good mom.
226
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:40,101
Oh, good, Mrs. Butler,
I am so sorry I'm late.
227
00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:41,276
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's fine.
228
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:43,278
Uh, no, no, no, it's not. Uh,
229
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,193
we still have a half an hour.
Any kinks you need worked out?
230
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,022
Oh, trust me, the next time
I'm feel kinky, I'll be back.
231
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,154
Here you go.Oh.
232
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,416
But I-I didn't...Oh, don't worry about
it. I got to run.
233
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:54,028
Okay, well, c-come again.
234
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,725
Oh, I will.
235
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,469
Sadly, it's not
the first time a woman
236
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,123
has paid me not to touch her.
237
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:08,085
♪ Men.♪
238
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,217
Morning.
239
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,914
I had sex yesterday.
240
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,613
Congratulations.
When's the wedding?
241
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,702
Oh. [mock laughs] No.
242
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:17,094
This was different.
243
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,661
If the kind of sex I had
was a suit,
244
00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:21,229
it would be made of linen,
because it was
245
00:10:21,316 --> 00:10:23,448
so casual.
246
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:25,842
You? Really?
247
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,496
[chuckles]
248
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,367
I know. You believe it?
249
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:31,456
We started having sex,
and I caught myself
250
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,589
trying to make love,
and I said, "No,
251
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,765
no, no."
252
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,985
"This is gonna be
meaningless and empty,
253
00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:40,248
"like two wild elk
254
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:43,468
rutting
on the Siberian tundra."
255
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:47,516
You know, only male elk rut.
256
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:51,476
And only lesbians
who didn't have sex last night
257
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:54,044
point out stupid animal facts.
258
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,438
[doorbell rings]
259
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:57,569
I got it.
260
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:03,575
Hello?Hi. Is this
Adjustments by the Sea?
261
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,970
Oh, uh, actually,
today it's Adjustments by
the Closed Patio Door,
262
00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:09,712
because a, uh, seagull
pooped on my last client.
263
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,975
Uh... I am Dr.
Alan Harper.
264
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:13,498
Uh, do you have
an appointment?
265
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,370
Uh, I do.
But I was hoping
266
00:11:15,457 --> 00:11:18,155
I could see
your associate, Walden?
267
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:21,071
Oh, no, there, uh, there
must be some kind of mistake.
268
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,073
Walden doesn't
actually work with me.
269
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:27,251
According to my friend Tracy,
he worked with her quite well.
270
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:28,862
Um, Tracy?
271
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:31,473
She was here yesterday.
272
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,476
For the... internal massage.
273
00:11:34,563 --> 00:11:37,609
Oh! Oh!
274
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,787
Well... well, I don't...
275
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,963
know what went on
between the two of them,
276
00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:45,400
but this is not that
type of business.
277
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,794
Okay, I get it.
278
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:50,448
Maybe this will help.Oh, no, I'm not
really comfortable,
279
00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:53,103
uh, letting you stand
out in the cold.
Please come in.
280
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:54,583
Um...
281
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,890
Thank you.
282
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:59,196
Now, um, if I want
anything special,
283
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:01,459
should I negotiate
with Walden directly?
284
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:03,157
Oh. No.
285
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,071
No.
286
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:05,768
No, no, no, no.
287
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:09,076
Uh, uh, uh, Walden...
288
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,381
Walden...
289
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:12,122
considers himself
an artist.
290
00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,124
And as far as
he's concerned,
291
00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:15,691
you're just two strangers
292
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,780
meeting in a chiropractic
waiting room.
293
00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:20,652
Uh, any mention of money
would just upset him.
294
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,829
I understand.
295
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,787
Yeah. Oh, and, uh,
here's a diagram
of the human body.
296
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,746
If you'd like, you
can mark the areas
297
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,749
that you'd like him to
give special attention to.
298
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,187
Oh. Oh, my.
299
00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:35,842
Uh, "X" marks
the G-spot.
300
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:40,542
Oh, oh, good, Walden,
uh, you're here.
301
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:43,893
Um, uh, I need your help.
302
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:47,244
Um, could you keep my client
company until I get back?
303
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:48,811
Alan,
304
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:51,118
I'm not here to babysit
your clients.
305
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,119
I can do it.
306
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:53,685
No. Uh...
307
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:55,949
No. No.
308
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,341
This is a man's job.
309
00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:58,560
I-I'll be right back.
310
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:03,913
Hi. I'm sorry.
311
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,047
Uh, Dr. Harper had to
take care of something
312
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,309
really quick.
313
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,354
Is there anything
I can offer you?
314
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,356
Well, that depends.
315
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:15,229
Can I offer youanything...
316
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,448
stranger?
317
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,543
Well, I do see a...
318
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,415
couple things I like.
319
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:29,721
So do I.
[chuckles]
320
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:34,770
You've got a lovely place here.
321
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:38,818
I can't wait to see
every inch of it. [laughs]
322
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,733
That might take a while.
323
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,387
Why?
324
00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:46,390
Is it big?
325
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:49,741
I've been told
that it's quitebig.
326
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,135
[Walden chuckles]
327
00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:54,790
Wait, wait, we're not really
talking about the house, are we?
328
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:55,704
No, no, we're not.Oh. [laughs]
329
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:57,793
Yay!
330
00:13:59,403 --> 00:13:59,839
It's big.
331
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:06,410
Would you like a tour?
332
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:09,849
I think that is
an excellent idea!
333
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:10,806
[Walden mumbles]
334
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,982
[laughs]Oh, um,
335
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,289
by the way,
my name's...Up, bup, bup, bup, bup.
336
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,073
No names.
337
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,641
Today we are just two
338
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,948
wild elk... [exhales]
339
00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:25,734
on the frozen tundra.
340
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:29,694
Ooh, elk.
I can do that.
341
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:33,089
[high-pitched]:
Eee-ohh!
342
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,791
I don't know what's weirder,
343
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,750
that noise or the fact
that it turned me on.[laughs]
344
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:45,188
♪ Men.♪
345
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:51,760
♪ Men.♪
346
00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,283
Hey, sorry about that.
347
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,850
Where's my client?
348
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,199
[exhales]
349
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:59,072
How do I say this, exactly?
350
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,160
I had sex with your client.
351
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:03,380
What?!
352
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:06,993
I know. And it's
not the first one.
353
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,170
My therapist prescribed
that I have meaningless sex
354
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,955
to take care
of my codependency issues.
355
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,696
Oh, my God!
356
00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:16,089
I know. I'm sorry.
357
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:18,265
Well, look, look,
obviously, you know,
358
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:21,224
I can't... condone
this kind of behavior.
359
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:24,010
But, you know, if you...
if you think it's...
360
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,403
helping you, I mean, that's
really the important thing.
361
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:27,839
It is helping.
I feel so free.
362
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,016
Do you know what
it's like to have sex
363
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:32,279
with a woman who never
wants to see you again?
364
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,455
Yes.
365
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,196
Yes, I do.
366
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,937
I appreciate you understanding,
367
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,504
but I'm sure that this has taken
a toll on your business.
368
00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:41,549
I... Here.
369
00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:43,725
Here's... $200.
370
00:15:43,812 --> 00:15:45,727
Oh, oh, no, you don't
have to do that, Walden.No, no.
371
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,555
Take it.No, I'm not taking
your money, Walden.
372
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,774
I insist.No, no, no.
373
00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:51,341
[chuckles]Okay, fine.
374
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:55,998
Thank you.
375
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:58,870
♪ You know, it's hard
out here for a pimp ♪
376
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,873
♪ When he trying to get
this money for the rent ♪
377
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,051
♪ For the Cadillacs
and gas money spent ♪
378
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:08,054
♪ 'Cause a whole lot
of ... jumping ship ♪
379
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:10,752
♪ You know, it's hard
out here for a pimp ♪
380
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:13,189
♪ When he trying to get
this money for the rent ♪
381
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:16,845
♪ For the Cadillacs
and gas money spent ♪
382
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:19,543
♪ 'Cause a whole lot
of ... jumping ship ♪
383
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:22,068
♪ In my eyes, I done seen some
crazy thangs in the street... ♪
384
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:24,896
♪ ♪
385
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,161
Hey.
386
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,467
Think I have
another one for you.
387
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:35,472
I don't know, I think I'm over
the whole one-night stand thing.
388
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:36,386
Come on.
389
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,867
You said you wanted
390
00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:41,261
to get into the casual sex game.
391
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,524
I got you into the game.
392
00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:46,831
Now you're telling me
you're tired?
393
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:50,444
The game doesn't work like that.
394
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,446
Even if I wanted to,
I'm not sure that I could.
395
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:58,017
My penis looks like one of those
dried-out 7-Eleven hot dogs.
396
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:01,237
Look, I'm not gonna
twist your arm or...
397
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:04,023
break a finger or anything.
398
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:07,765
Bottom line, I just want you
to be happy, baby.
399
00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,419
Okay, what-what is
the matter with you?
400
00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:12,988
Why are you massaging me
and calling me "baby"
401
00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,077
and dressed like a gay cheetah?
402
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:18,341
Don't hate the cheetah.
403
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:20,387
Hate the game.
404
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,912
Okay, you know what?
405
00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,783
I'm gonna go talk
to this woman.
406
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:28,395
Mostly 'cause I don't want
to talk to youanymore.
407
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:30,179
Attaboy.
Oh, oh, hang on a second.
408
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,789
Um...
409
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,574
okay, uh...
410
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:38,100
Okay. Now go have fun.
411
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,672
♪ Men.♪
412
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:47,849
Oh... my... God.
413
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,939
That was fantastic.
414
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:54,638
Your partner was right--
you're the best.
415
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,771
[chuckles]: Partner?
What are you talking about?
416
00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:58,816
The weird little guy downstairs.
417
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:00,122
[chuckling]:
Oh, that...
418
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:01,950
He's not my partner.
419
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,386
Oh. Gotcha.
420
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:06,476
Anyway, uh, don't
share this with your...
421
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:07,260
"not partner."
422
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,871
Wink, wink.
423
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:10,872
What's this?
424
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:12,308
Oh, just a little tip.
425
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:15,746
For the big one you gave me.
426
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:19,054
Y-You don't have
to give me a tip.
427
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,752
Yeah, right. Like I didn't have
to pay the guy downstairs
428
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,319
for the "Walden Package."
429
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:27,976
You... you paid him?
430
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,760
It was worth every penny.
431
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:32,154
Alan!
432
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:37,768
Oh, by the way,
I think you might be the one.
433
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,729
WALDEN [calls]:
Alan!
434
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:43,383
I'm your whore?
435
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:45,689
Your whore?!
436
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,343
Oh. What? No!
437
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:49,519
I mean, "whore"
is such an ugly word
438
00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:51,217
for such a pretty man.
439
00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:52,957
How could you!
440
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:55,830
You knew I was using
desperate, horny housewives
441
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,614
for meaningless sex
to improve myself,
442
00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:00,400
and you had to go and turn it
into something ugly!
443
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:03,490
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It just
sort of happened by accident.
444
00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:06,057
It was a one-time thing, and
then you turned into the goose
445
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,147
that laid the golden eggs,
and then into the goose
446
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:09,496
that laid whatever the hell
I told it to.
447
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:13,152
This is a new low,
even for you.
448
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:16,677
Oh, big words coming from
someone having sex for money.
449
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:18,940
Alan...
450
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:21,116
Yeah?
451
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:22,465
Run.
452
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:28,863
[thud, grunt]
453
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:32,040
ALAN:
Ow! My pimp hand!
454
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,172
♪ Men.♪
455
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:39,395
♪ Men.♪[doorbell rings]
456
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:42,920
Hello?
457
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:46,097
Hi. Is this
Adjustments by the Sea?
458
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,100
Yeah. But, uh,
actually, we're closed.
459
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,015
Oh, that's such a shame.
460
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:52,800
'Cause I was really hoping
461
00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:55,281
to see Walden.
462
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:57,631
Oh, I'm Walden.
Please come in.
463
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:00,938
Hey...
464
00:20:01,025 --> 00:20:03,245
um, just to be clear,
465
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:06,509
the way this works
is that I pay you money
466
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:09,164
and in return
you have sex with me?
467
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,165
Yes.
468
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,906
[whispers]:
By the sea!
469
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:15,388
All righty, then,
I have heard all I need to hear.
470
00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:18,434
[laughs]:
Okay. Are you... ready to start?
471
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:20,567
Oh, yes.
But first,
472
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:23,265
you have the right
to remain silent.
473
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:27,400
And you have the right to make
as much noise as you want.
474
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:30,316
Anything you say can and will
be held against you.
475
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:33,014
I'd like to hold those
against me.
476
00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:34,145
Oh.
477
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,626
[laughing]:
Oh, kinky. Okay.
478
00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:38,237
You're being arrested.
479
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:42,153
Yes, I am-- by your
captivating gaze.
480
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,546
Oh, wait, I'm-I'm
really being arrested?
481
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,331
Yeah.Oh, oh, God, no, no,
482
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:46,549
we-we can work this out.
483
00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:48,029
I-I have money.
484
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,726
Walden, Walden, help me.
485
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,293
Walden!
Okay, wait,
486
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:53,252
j-just to be clear,
we're not having sex, right?
487
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:59,258
When are you gonna tell him
that was my acting coach?
488
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:02,652
Probably after
the cavity search.
489
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:05,916
By the sea!
490
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:07,135
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
491
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:09,224
and TOYOTA.
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