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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,085 --> 00:00:06,298 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:10,301 Today, I'm proud to celebrate the opening of a thing I'd never heard of: 3 00:00:10,384 --> 00:00:12,971 a freeway wildlife crossing. 4 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:16,265 Now here is a little girl whose pestering has made this, 5 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:20,103 whatever this is, a reality, Lisa Simpson. 6 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:24,565 This land bridge will allow animals to migrate safely and end the collisions 7 00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:28,027 that have turned our freeways into a carcass-ridden hellscape. 8 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,071 [CHEERING] 9 00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:33,158 - [SQUEAKING] - [LOWING] 10 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,493 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 11 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:37,246 [GASPS] That's it, furry friends. 12 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:41,917 Migrate wherever your little paws, hooves and trotters wish to take you. 13 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,423 [ALL GASP] 14 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:52,261 They're headed towards the pharmaceutical factory. 15 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,179 [♪ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING] 16 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:55,930 - [GLASS SHATTERS] - [SCREAMING] 17 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,058 - ♪ Bobcats on drugs ♪ - _ 18 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,768 - ♪ Frogs on drugs ♪ - _ 19 00:01:00,851 --> 00:01:02,603 - ♪ Coyotes on drugs ♪ - _ 20 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,057 - ♪ Deer on drugs ♪ - _ 21 00:01:08,192 --> 00:01:11,445 - [THUDS] - This is your crane on drugs. 22 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,408 The wildlife of Springfield has gone on a bad trip, 23 00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:17,451 gobbling up several tons of psychiatric medication. 24 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:21,623 Snakes on antipsychotics are befriending rats on Zoloft. 25 00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:24,251 Beavers on beta blockers are building dams 26 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,628 without their usual performance anxiety. 27 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:29,548 Turtles tweaking on Adderall are racing past 28 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,966 chilled-out rabbits on Klonopin. 29 00:01:32,049 --> 00:01:35,429 Look at those turtles go. America's back, baby. 30 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:37,014 Dad, watch the road. 31 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,097 Oh, right, driving. 32 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:39,974 Okay, boy, you know the drill. 33 00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:43,603 I can't get sucked into a conversation with Milhouse's loser dad, 34 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:47,899 so you need to bail out of the car without me coming to a full stop. 35 00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,317 [UNBUCKLES SEAT BELT] 36 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:52,320 Don't push me. I'm trying to time my jump. 37 00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:54,323 - Love you, bud. - [GRUNTS] 38 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:55,740 [GRUNTS, MUTTERS] 39 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:57,908 - [THUDS] - [SCREAMS] 40 00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,076 [TIRES SCREECH] 41 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:02,539 Hey, buddy. Come check out this new sprinkler I bought. 42 00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:05,542 360 rotation, ma friend. 43 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,793 [SIGHS] 44 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,004 Stuck at 90. 45 00:02:10,087 --> 00:02:12,341 It was doing it this morning, I swear. 46 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:13,508 [FOOTSTEPS RUNNING] 47 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,426 [GROWLS] 48 00:02:15,509 --> 00:02:16,802 [ALL SCREAM] 49 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,764 Get in here, or you'll be trampled. 50 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,681 Trampled, eh? 51 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,391 Death or Kirk? 52 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,312 Death or Kirk? 53 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,937 Death, it is. [YELPS] 54 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:31,276 Due to this tragic and not-at-all-my-fault stampede 55 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,985 - of hopped-up wildlife... - [GLASS SHATTERS] 56 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:36,114 ...all citizens are required to shelter in place. 57 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:39,450 At least until the badgers come down from the Ritalin. 58 00:02:39,533 --> 00:02:42,496 Looks like we're having a sleepover. 59 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,872 Boys' night! 60 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:45,956 Yay! 61 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,793 - [DOOR CLOSES] - Nay. 62 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,629 Hope everyone's hungry for spaghetti! 63 00:02:51,712 --> 00:02:52,963 [BOTH] Mmm! 64 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,759 And to wash it down, the pasta water. 65 00:02:57,718 --> 00:02:59,805 - Ooh. - [GAGS] 66 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,765 You drink the water you boil the noodles in? 67 00:03:02,848 --> 00:03:05,394 Doesn't everyone? [STUTTERS] It's got all the nutrients. 68 00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,396 I love my "noody" juice. [SWALLOWS] 69 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:12,150 This family sucks. Everything they do is different and wrong. 70 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,236 May I be excused to go to the bathroom? 71 00:03:15,319 --> 00:03:17,322 Do you need to winkle or make? 72 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,740 [BOTH] Ew. 73 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:22,576 - [GROANS] - [GROWLING] 74 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,497 [CONTENT CREATOR] Today, I show you how to restore full rotation 75 00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:27,915 - on the sprinkler head. - [MUNCHES] 76 00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:30,293 Step one, remove splash plate. 77 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,545 Why aren't you sleeping in your bedroom? 78 00:03:32,628 --> 00:03:36,007 Oh, Luann won't let me sleep in our bed 'cause of my night sweats 79 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:40,637 and night farting and also something I'm too embarrassed to talk about. [MUNCHES] 80 00:03:40,719 --> 00:03:42,764 Uh-huh. Can I get one of those saltines? 81 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,057 Have a whole sleeve. 82 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,561 I get a 5% employee discount at the cracker factory. 83 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:50,521 I took that in lieu of the pension. [CHUCKLES] 84 00:03:50,604 --> 00:03:53,108 [MUNCHES] Marge won't let me eat crackers in bed 85 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,776 because it makes the bed all crumby. 86 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,610 Oh, man. That's how it starts. 87 00:03:56,694 --> 00:04:00,365 Next thing you know, you can't even take your socks off in your own house. 88 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,826 [LUANN] Kirk, socks! 89 00:04:04,326 --> 00:04:05,370 [GRUMBLES] 90 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:12,127 Well, it's been really great having you guys. 91 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,378 We'll finish the jigsaw puzzle next time. 92 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:17,339 - We got the corners! That's the hard part! - [VEHICLE DEPARTS] 93 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:18,425 [SPRINKLER CLICKING] 94 00:04:18,507 --> 00:04:21,218 Well, great. Now it does a full rotation. 95 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,848 And they say "winkle" instead of "whiz." Who says "winkle"? 96 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:30,060 We should. I think it's cute. Winkle. [GIGGLES] 97 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,687 [DOORBELL RINGS] 98 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,691 Oh, no, it's him. I'm not here. 99 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,071 Oh, hi, Kirk. Are you okay? 100 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:43,324 You're not looking your most, uh, sheveled. 101 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,992 Yeah, that's because I haven't slept in a week. 102 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,870 I couldn't stop thinking about how cracker crumbs 103 00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:48,413 are destroying your marital bed. 104 00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:49,872 Who told you that? 105 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,124 - Not me. - Oh, hey, buddy. 106 00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:53,709 I kept wondering about how I could save your sexless marriage, 107 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,047 and then some teens dropped candy apples on my car from an overpass. 108 00:04:57,129 --> 00:04:58,715 They weren't all teens. 109 00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,882 I mean, tell us more. 110 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,052 When the apples hit my windshield, the glass cracked like a spiderweb 111 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,096 but didn't spray any shards. And that is when I had an epiphany. 112 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:09,391 I could use that same technology to make a crumbless cracker. 113 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:12,062 A crumbless cracker? That's madness. 114 00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:15,689 All I had to do was create a new edible polymer and a mouth-safe adhesive. 115 00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:18,360 And after working on that for 96 hours straight, 116 00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:21,612 I came up with this. 117 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:22,947 Take a bite, buddy. 118 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,826 [♪ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 119 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,586 It broke clean. 120 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,711 [THUDS] 121 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:44,427 Kirk Van Houten, you did something incredible. 122 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:48,139 No, Homer, we did something incredible. 123 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,021 This is big, man. 124 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:58,316 It's just hard to wrap my head around the idea of a cracker 125 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,860 that doesn't crumb and a you that doesn't suck. 126 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:01,944 [LAUGHING] 127 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,533 Oh, yeah, I-I used to suck pretty hard, 128 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,202 yeah, but you brought me out of it with your brilliant insight. 129 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:13,206 And now... now I need you to take a leap of faith. 130 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,415 I do like faith. 131 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,043 It is the best way to get out of thinking about stuff. 132 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:22,591 Quit your job and partner with me in a new, cutting-edge cracker company. 133 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,843 Homer? A cracker bro? 134 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,387 Let's take a walk. 135 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,555 Picture something for me. 136 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:33,183 Imagine this street is your whole life. 137 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,103 Whoa. 138 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,899 For a while, your existence was pretty good, 139 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,567 but then things got hard 140 00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:46,238 and life's crackers began to shower you with their crumbs. 141 00:06:47,656 --> 00:06:48,867 The job. 142 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:50,744 The boy. 143 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,245 The hair. 144 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:57,167 All those crumbs you endured were worth it 145 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:01,211 because they led you to a different path. 146 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,718 And after we walk it, you're gonna be a hero 147 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,971 to your family... [CHUCKLES] ...and to the world. 148 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:14,016 I wanna share this journey with you because you're a good man. 149 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,144 I love you. 150 00:07:16,226 --> 00:07:17,978 I love you too. 151 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:23,317 Tell me, do you dare wipe away these starchy particles of shame? 152 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:30,992 Homer, will you join me down this unknown road? 153 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,829 I just have one question. 154 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,956 If there's no crumbs, what's that on your shirt? 155 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,250 Dandruff. 156 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,877 I'm in. 157 00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:47,591 Excuse me, sir, would you like to taste the future of bland food? 158 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,052 [MUNCHES] Mmm. 159 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,721 Not bad. And no crumbs. 160 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,350 Tonight, I'm gonna have the cleanest beard 161 00:07:55,432 --> 00:07:57,685 at the botched meth handoff. 162 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,064 Sisters, you gotta try these. 163 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,733 - Mmm. And no crumbs. - Mmm. 164 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:08,153 It's a crispy habit that won't mess up your habit. 165 00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,738 [ALL] It's a miracle. 166 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,699 [♪ INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING] 167 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:15,661 Listen up, toilet paper hoarders and hot dog cheapskates. 168 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,163 The cracker revolution is here. 169 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,082 [CHEERING] 170 00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:25,170 Yums, not crumbs. Yums, not crumbs. 171 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:29,091 [CHANTING] Yums, not crumbs! Yums, not crumbs! 172 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,761 It's happening! [GRUNTS] 173 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,596 - Ooh. - Oh, my God. 174 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,559 Um, Kirk, as your doctor, I am deeply concerned by your behavior. 175 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,019 [CHUCKLES] I left you a message regarding your... 176 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,356 Not now, Doc. I've gotta change the world. 177 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,525 And no crumbs. 178 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,861 [CHEERING] 179 00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,450 [SHUTTER CLICKS] 180 00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,409 [TIRES SCREECH] 181 00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:57,995 [CLINKS] Good news. 182 00:08:58,078 --> 00:09:02,207 Delta Air Lines just ordered cracker sleeves for their entire fleet. 183 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:08,339 Going crumbless is gonna save them $1.5 million a day in cleaning costs. 184 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,716 - [CHEERING] - All right, Dad. 185 00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:13,635 Uh, Garçon, how much is your most expensive bottle of wine? 186 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,056 Forty bucks. Snoopy's on the bottle. 187 00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,140 Aw, it's not good enough for my friends, 188 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:23,395 which is why I bought this $15,000 bottle at auction. 189 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,898 [ALL GASP] 190 00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:27,524 Uh, sweetheart, isn't that a little pricey? 191 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,027 Honey, if there's one thing I know, 192 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:32,780 it's that there will always be enough money for everything forever. 193 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,493 We are eternity. 194 00:09:37,409 --> 00:09:39,662 Nothing goes away. 195 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,167 Dad, you're being a little weird. 196 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,711 Oh, Milhouse, you're so wise. 197 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,090 And, Luann, you're just so freaking hot. 198 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:55,845 I wish I was that lobster bib, just so damp and all over you. 199 00:09:56,428 --> 00:09:59,432 Does Kirk seem a little bejazzled? 200 00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:02,601 [SHUSHES] We're missing his brilliant insights. 201 00:10:02,684 --> 00:10:06,855 Oh, I just love the feeling of your sweat touching my sweat. 202 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,109 [MOANS] 203 00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:12,528 Oh... Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. 204 00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,197 Oh, let me get a better look at you, baby. 205 00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:16,615 - Come here, come here. - [TABLE CREAKS] 206 00:10:16,698 --> 00:10:18,909 - Be careful! - [GASPS] Honey, please. 207 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:22,080 Oh, come on, baby. Shake your Milhouse maker. 208 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:26,875 I wanna bang the whole world! 209 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,838 Sixteen, 17, 18, 19... 210 00:10:31,338 --> 00:10:32,465 Amazing. 211 00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,926 I don't know what's happening with Mr. Van Houten. 212 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,719 It's like he's on something. 213 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,596 More like he's off something. 214 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,349 You see, Kirk suffers from bipolar disorder, 215 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,934 and he ran out of his meds during the pharmaceutical shortage 216 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:47,312 caused by that horribly ill-advised wildlife crossing. 217 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,648 [WHIMPERS] 218 00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:52,360 And when the drug supply returned, Kirk refused to go back on his meds 219 00:10:52,442 --> 00:10:56,072 because he felt like, quote, "Superman surfing a hurricane." 220 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,658 I'm afraid your friend is now well into a manic phase. 221 00:10:59,741 --> 00:11:03,413 Um, Dr. Hibbert, should you be telling us all this? 222 00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:07,457 Probably not, but I just had five mac-and-cheeseball martinis. 223 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:11,044 I guess doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't stand a chance 224 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,589 against deep-fried gin. 225 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,549 [GIGGLES] I feel terrible. 226 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:20,513 He needs to get back on his medication. Kirk has a serious illness. 227 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:24,350 Marge, you just had a $3,000 glass of wine. 228 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,101 How is that an illness? 229 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,729 Yeah, Kirk rules. 230 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,981 He's like the Joker in those awesome Batman movies where there's no Batman. 231 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,900 According to the DSM-5, 232 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:36,863 "Bipolar disorder type one causes periods of up, elated behavior 233 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,240 followed by down periods of despair and hopelessness." 234 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:41,326 Guys, wait up! 235 00:11:41,408 --> 00:11:43,036 I-I need to tell you something. 236 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,999 Thank you for coming, buddy. [GRUNTS] Really appreciate it. 237 00:11:48,665 --> 00:11:52,169 I don't even live in this direction! [CHUCKLES] 238 00:11:54,087 --> 00:11:55,465 - [WAVES LAPPING] - [BIRDS CHIRPING] 239 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,633 [DOORBELL RINGS] 240 00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:01,638 Hi, Luann. I wanted to talk about Kirk's behavior last night. 241 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:05,057 It seemed a little, uh, unmedicated? 242 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,268 Oh, right. Kirk's "disorder." 243 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,937 It turns out there's a cure: money. 244 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,523 That'll be all, Cashington. 245 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:14,399 But aren't you worried that... 246 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:18,278 That I won't be able to keep him sexually satisfied? Of course I am. 247 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,657 We've made love four times today. 248 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,201 Five if you count the time he took me at Panera Bread. 249 00:12:24,284 --> 00:12:26,120 Why wouldn't you count that one? 250 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:30,166 Listen, Marge, I know you're only here because you wanna sleep with Kirk. 251 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,918 I do not. 252 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,001 Really? 253 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,505 He just became a minority owner of the Calgary Flames. 254 00:12:36,588 --> 00:12:38,633 Oh, they haven't been good for years. 255 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:42,511 Aren't you at least worried about how this could affect Milhouse? 256 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,597 [CHUCKLES] Look at me. I'm Daddy. 257 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,849 [GRUNTING] 258 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,058 - [SCREAMS] - [CRASHES] 259 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,937 [CHUCKLES] That's going to be the boarding school's problem. 260 00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:52,437 [PRESENTER] You're watching CNBC: 261 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,191 The Crackers, Nothing but Crackers Network. 262 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,900 I'm Harper Poppyseed, 263 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,278 - And this is Crunch Time: Live. - [MUNCHES] 264 00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:03,240 Today, we talk with the genius behind the crumbless cracker, Kirk Van Houten, 265 00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:05,284 and his cofounder, Homer Simpson. 266 00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:09,538 Your Kirkers brand now controls 6% of the national saltine market. 267 00:13:09,621 --> 00:13:11,206 What are your plans for expansion? 268 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,958 We don't have a plan for expansion. 269 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,668 We have a plan for domination. 270 00:13:14,751 --> 00:13:16,586 I eat skyscrapers. 271 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,465 Um, what my colleague is saying is that we have a plan 272 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,591 for measured steady growth. 273 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,720 What is this thing? I hate it. 274 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,304 Do you mean the stock ticker? 275 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,597 Oh, look, it's Cheez-Its. [CHUCKLES] 276 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:31,561 Oh, those cheddar chumps turned me down for a job seven years ago. 277 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,313 Hey, Zits, tell me how ma butt tastes. 278 00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,899 Well, that's all the time we have. Thanks for joining us. 279 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:40,903 Mr. Van Houten, your competitors say your product is not all it's crack... 280 00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,697 We really gonna talk about crackers 281 00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:45,033 when humanity is on the verge of extinction... 282 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,826 [CHUCKLING] ...and I am the only one who can save us? 283 00:13:47,909 --> 00:13:49,327 [SCOFFS] Excuse me? 284 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,873 Once temperatures on the Earth's surface become lethal, 285 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,750 we need to transport citizens to the ocean floor 286 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,753 using a high-speed aquatic rocket. 287 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,504 Ooh. Oh, my God. 288 00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:03,592 Mr. Van Houten, your stock has plummeted over 60% since the start of our interview. 289 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:08,472 And humanity needs to plummet 2,000 fathoms to the ocean floor. 290 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,975 Fund the aqua rocket now. 291 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,477 Oh... It's no longer safe for me to be here. 292 00:14:14,102 --> 00:14:16,063 [YELLS] Ow. 293 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,981 It's not a real city. 294 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,359 Homer, I don't feel so good. 295 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,659 Hey, buddy. What you doing? 296 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,162 Checking the weather. 297 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,081 "Gray and cloudy." Refresh. 298 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,000 "Gray and cloudy." Refresh. 299 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,838 You know how some people think you're something called "bipolar"? 300 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:45,426 Not me, but this might be the other pole. 301 00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:48,678 I think I'm gonna stop brushing my teeth. 302 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,100 This is the FBI. We have a warrant. 303 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,772 Why is the FBI here? 304 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,982 Uh, because I stole money from the cracker company 305 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,485 to fund the aqua rocket, 306 00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:06,114 and now we're being investigated by the SEC. 307 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,783 [GASPS] The Salty Edibles Commission? 308 00:15:08,865 --> 00:15:10,826 - No. No, no, no! - [SNIFFS] 309 00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:13,203 Mmm, my hand smells like cheese. 310 00:15:13,703 --> 00:15:15,623 [MARGE] What the hell is happening? 311 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:18,167 Well, Kirk has been stealing money from the company 312 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,003 to fund an underwater super boat that doesn't exist. 313 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,004 Well, everyone is terrified. 314 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:26,466 As soon as the FBI came in, Bart ran upstairs. 315 00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,510 Not the feds, not the feds. 316 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,888 [TOILET FLUSHES] 317 00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:34,182 You know how I was warning you about how Kirk was bipolar? 318 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,687 I was the one... [STAMMERS] You-You didn't... [GRUNTS] 319 00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:40,690 It's okay. It's okay. I forgive you. 320 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,817 I have a plan to make everything right. 321 00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:44,652 What could you possibly do? 322 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,988 I've gotta take the fall for Kirk's crimes. 323 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:49,823 Our family's in ruins! 324 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:53,827 No, no. Look, if Kirk goes to jail, the cracker company is worthless. 325 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:57,831 But if I confess, our shares in the business will make us rich. 326 00:15:57,914 --> 00:15:59,959 No amount of money can fix this. 327 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,668 Not even this much? 328 00:16:01,751 --> 00:16:04,046 Not even th... [GASPS] 329 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,423 I-I-I still don't think you should do it. 330 00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:09,134 Oh, there's another zero. [INHALES DEEPLY] 331 00:16:09,217 --> 00:16:12,846 It doesn't matter. Promise me you won't take the fall for Kirk. 332 00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:16,933 Okay, I promise. I'll think of another way. 333 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:21,062 [HOMER] Dearest Marge, I couldn't think of another way. 334 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,356 - [GASPS] - [HOMER] Please try not to gasp. 335 00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,485 I'll be okay. They'll send me to a white-collar prison 336 00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:29,779 that probably has lots of DVDs in their DVD library. 337 00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:34,201 Kiss Lisa and Maggie and strangle the boy for me. Love, Homer. 338 00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:38,831 ♪ When your day is long ♪ 339 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,751 ♪ And at night ♪ 340 00:16:43,418 --> 00:16:46,838 ♪ At night, you snack alone ♪ 341 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:54,971 ♪ When you're sure your hunger's gone ♪ 342 00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,225 ♪ For this life ♪ 343 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,355 ♪ Well, hang on ♪ 344 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:10,320 ♪ Don't let yourself choke ♪ 345 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:18,496 ♪ Just because your mouth is dry ♪ 346 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,961 ♪ Everybody Kirks ♪ 347 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:30,132 ♪ Crumb times ♪ 348 00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:37,597 ♪ Well, everybody Kirks ♪ 349 00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,643 ♪ At crumb times ♪ 350 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:44,689 ♪ When crackers taste like lies ♪ 351 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:52,904 ♪ Everybody Kirks ♪ 352 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:56,741 ♪ So munch on ♪ 353 00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:00,328 ♪ Munch on ♪ 354 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:05,250 ♪ Everybody Kirks ♪ 355 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,545 Munch on, Kirk. 356 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,337 [♪ MUSIC STOPS] 357 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,799 I need to talk to your husband now. 358 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,053 Oh, look. Kitty needs her ball of yarn. 359 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,221 I see you wore your sluttiest dress. 360 00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:20,432 Whatever. Where is he? 361 00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:26,271 Oh, Kirk, I know you're not to blame for this depression, and I'm sorry. 362 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,106 [GROANS] 363 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,027 But Homer is... Stop eating turkey! 364 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:32,444 Blech. 365 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,279 Wake up. 366 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,449 [GASPS, SCREAMING] 367 00:18:36,531 --> 00:18:39,826 Kirk, you're only supposed to use the pool shower. 368 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:43,413 Sad, Marge. Just sad. 369 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:47,042 Homer is on his way to confess to your crimes. 370 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,878 You have to go to the FBI and tell them the truth. 371 00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:52,381 Milhouse is crying on me. 372 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:56,969 Dr. Hibbert gave me your pills. God love him, but he's so unethical. 373 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,387 If you take these, you'll feel better. 374 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,141 But no one likes me when I'm regular Kirk. 375 00:19:02,223 --> 00:19:05,644 When I stopped taking my meds, everyone liked me. 376 00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:06,770 I didn't. 377 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:11,483 But if you ever cared about your friendship with Homer, take this. 378 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,070 [KIRK SWALLOWS] 379 00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:17,448 Homer's been gone for so long. 380 00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:19,032 There's no time to catch up to him 381 00:19:19,115 --> 00:19:21,951 before he confesses and my family is destroyed. 382 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:25,873 Whoa. Yes, there is. The-The aqua rocket. 383 00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:31,921 There is no aqua rocket. It only exists in your manic, psychotic mind. 384 00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,547 [♪ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 385 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,008 [SCREAMS] 386 00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,141 This is incredible. 387 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,184 Oh, I couldn't even get the color right. 388 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,605 The missiles don't even work. I'm so stupid. 389 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,775 [ENGINE REVS] 390 00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:57,904 Is this what being manic feels like? 391 00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:59,073 Yeah. 392 00:19:59,155 --> 00:20:01,075 Now I get it. 393 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,329 Aqua rocket? 394 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:14,171 But I can't let you go to jail. The world needs you. I need you. 395 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:18,259 The person you need is Manic Kirk, and he's gone. 396 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:22,262 But we were going to walk down the unknown road together. 397 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:26,307 Hey, hey. We'll always have Cracker Con Cleveland. 398 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:35,859 Kirk, never forget. You are the best dude. 399 00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:39,279 [♪ UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYS] 400 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,662 [♪ "SUPERMAN" PLAYING] 401 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:51,584 ♪ I am, I am, I am Superman ♪ 402 00:20:51,666 --> 00:20:55,171 ♪ And I know what's happening ♪ 403 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:03,511 ♪ If you go a million miles away ♪ 404 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:07,348 ♪ I'll track you down, girl ♪ 405 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,809 ♪ Trust me when I say ♪ 406 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:13,897 ♪ I know the pathway to your heart ♪ 407 00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:18,736 ♪ I am, I am, I am Superman ♪ 408 00:21:18,818 --> 00:21:22,530 ♪ And I know what's happening ♪ 409 00:21:24,282 --> 00:21:29,204 ♪ I am, I am, I am Superman ♪ 410 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:33,000 ♪ And I can do anything ♪ 411 00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:39,048 [♪ SONG ENDS] 412 00:21:39,951 --> 00:21:40,965 Shh. 413 00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:46,963 - synced and corrected by sot26 - 31660

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