Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,940
-(CHALK SCRAPING ON BLACKBOARD)
-MS. BERRY: W-O...
2
00:00:56,350 --> 00:00:59,440
R-K!
3
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:01,820
Work.
4
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:06,700
Today we're going to share
what our parents do for...
5
00:01:06,780 --> 00:01:08,660
CHILDREN, WOMAN:
Work!
6
00:01:09,910 --> 00:01:11,950
My mommy is a doctor.
7
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,750
My daddy is a truck driver.
8
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,710
My mom's a teacher.
9
00:01:15,870 --> 00:01:16,960
And your dad?
10
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,960
My dad...
11
00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:24,050
He's a liar.
12
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:28,640
A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.
13
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:32,970
He wears a suit and goes to court
and talks to the judge.
14
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:37,230
Oh! I see. You mean he's a lawyer.
15
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,520
CHRIS: Hey, Fletcher.
How'd it go in there?
16
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,490
-Another victory for the wrongly accused.
-Right.
17
00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:51,285
-(LAUGHS)
-Mr. Reede, great job.
18
00:01:51,368 --> 00:01:52,330
Do you want your coat back?
19
00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:55,000
No, I'm sure you'll be needing it
again and again.
20
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,330
-Do you have a moment?
-I'm late. It's my day to be with my son.
21
00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:01,420
A couple of reporters
want to talk about your big win.
22
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,340
Oh, yeah? How's my hair?
23
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,550
Fabulous. You look great.
24
00:02:15,850 --> 00:02:16,890
(GASPS)
25
00:02:21,110 --> 00:02:22,730
What time is it?
26
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:26,280
I'm sure your dad
just got held up in court again.
27
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,960
-Dad!
-Maximilian!
28
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:43,130
How you doing, creep?
29
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,050
-MAX: Good.
-(FLETCHER SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)
30
00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:49,890
{\an8}Me too, except my arm
has really been bothering me lately.
31
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,890
{\an8}-(CHUCKLING) Oh, no, Dad!
-Oh, yeah!
32
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:55,060
It's becoming a claw!
33
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:58,520
-(GROWLING)
-(GIGGLING)
34
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:02,570
(GASPS)
Nothing can stop the Claw!
35
00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:08,150
Run, boy! Save yourself!
36
00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:11,820
Do the Claw to Mom!
37
00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:12,910
FLETCHER: Uh-oh!
38
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:16,790
You found the Claw's only weakness.
Sub-zero temperatures!
39
00:03:16,870 --> 00:03:17,870
(SQUEALING)
40
00:03:17,910 --> 00:03:19,260
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
-(LAUGHS)
41
00:03:19,830 --> 00:03:22,340
Did you have any trouble finding the place?
42
00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:26,460
I'm late. I'm sorry. I ran out of gas.
43
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,800
The gauge is broken or something.
44
00:03:28,930 --> 00:03:30,260
Rough neighborhood, too.
45
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,600
Good thing I was wearing
neutral gang colors.
46
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,641
I might've had to pull out my nine
and bust a cap.
47
00:03:34,850 --> 00:03:37,530
♪ My mind and my money
and my money and my mind ♪
48
00:03:37,613 --> 00:03:39,978
-(GIGGLING)
-They would never hurt you, Fletcher.
49
00:03:40,061 --> 00:03:41,270
You're their lawyer.
50
00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:44,820
Oh! That was below the belt.
Keep the gloves up.
51
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,570
Mom, Dad's taking me to see wrestling!
52
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:50,610
-(SCOFFS) Fletcher!
-(SCOFFS) Audrey!
53
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:53,950
Why do you have to take him
to see that violent stuff?
54
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,660
The boy must grow to be a warrior.
55
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:58,120
(SNARLING)
56
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,420
Who better to guide him than Rick Rude
57
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:03,500
and Randy "Macho-Man" Savage
in the Cage of Death?
58
00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:05,460
(CAR HONKING)
59
00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:07,610
(FLETCHER MOANS)
Oh, good!
60
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,970
-MAX: Jerry, how's it going?
-JERRY: Hey, Gipper! Look at you.
61
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:14,300
You look like you grow by the minute!
62
00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:17,165
Fletcher, pleasure to see you.
Hi, honey!
63
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,580
-Hi.
-(SMACK)
64
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:23,560
Wow. That was a nice image.
(IMITATES KEYSTROKE) Deleted.
65
00:04:23,810 --> 00:04:25,150
(GROANS)
66
00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:27,860
-I have some more boxes for you.
-Oh! You're an angel.
67
00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,400
-Boxes?
-AUDREY: Yeah.
68
00:04:29,490 --> 00:04:32,570
Remember? I told you
Jerry's moving to Boston on Friday.
69
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:37,120
Oh, right! The job, the thing.
What do you do again?
70
00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:40,000
-Hospital administrator.
-Right!
71
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,500
-The boxes are in my car.
-Oh, those can wait.
72
00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:46,550
I made this young man a promise, didn't I?
73
00:04:47,630 --> 00:04:49,090
Got time to throw a few?
74
00:04:49,170 --> 00:04:51,380
-Sure!
-Come on, then! (LAUGHS)
75
00:04:52,390 --> 00:04:54,640
-I forgot the boyfriend was moving.
-Jerry!
76
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,930
His name is Jerry! And yes, he's moving.
77
00:04:58,020 --> 00:05:01,310
I'm sorry. I hated him a lot less
than your other boyfriends.
78
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,270
-It wasn't serious, was it?
-Semi-serious, yes.
79
00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:07,530
You guys aren't... You know...
80
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:09,240
(GRUNTING)
81
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:13,580
(LAUGHS) I have been
dating him for seven months.
82
00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:16,370
-What do you think?
-Really? Ew!
83
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:19,620
I hoped after being married to me
you'd have no strength left.
84
00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:23,330
When we were married,
I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you.
85
00:05:23,370 --> 00:05:24,710
Ouch!
86
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:26,920
The ref takes a point away.
87
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:31,010
-MAX: You're out, man! Out!
-Max is gonna miss him.
88
00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:34,090
I'll be here.
89
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:38,580
{\an8}JERRY:
Ready? Yeah! Play ball.
90
00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:41,480
{\an8}Max, come on. We've gotta go.
91
00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:45,980
-MAX: Dad, are we really going to wrestling?
-Absolutely, Max Factor.
92
00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:48,480
We just have to stop by the office
for a minute.
93
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:52,280
-Excuse me, sir. Any spare change?
-I'm sorry. I'm all out.
94
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,370
I can't do it.
95
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:58,700
Fred, it's your duty
to present the strongest case possible.
96
00:05:58,790 --> 00:06:01,540
The strongest case possible
consistent with the truth.
97
00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:03,750
Will you let the judge decide what's true?
98
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:07,210
That's what he gets paid for.
You get paid to win.
99
00:06:07,290 --> 00:06:09,920
If you insist that I take it to trial,
100
00:06:10,010 --> 00:06:13,380
I will represent Mrs. Cole
aggressively and ethically.
101
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,760
But, Miranda, I won't lie.
102
00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:20,720
Then we'll have to find someone who will.
103
00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:22,630
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
104
00:06:23,020 --> 00:06:25,440
Twenty-first floor. Men's wear.
105
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,020
(MAX CHUCKLING)
106
00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:32,240
-Hi, Mr. Reede!
-Whoa!
107
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,740
Hey. Did you do something to your hair?
108
00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:38,280
It's a bit extreme, isn't it?
109
00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:42,290
No! That's the thing nowadays, right?
110
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:45,670
-He said it'd accent my facial features.
-That's what it does!
111
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:48,500
It completely accents your facial features.
112
00:06:48,670 --> 00:06:50,710
We're just gonna go to my office now...
113
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,130
(COUGHING)
114
00:06:54,970 --> 00:06:57,010
-Hey, Fletcher.
-Hey, Pete.
115
00:06:57,260 --> 00:06:59,810
-You losing a little weight?
-I don't know. Maybe.
116
00:06:59,890 --> 00:07:02,480
Looks and personality. A double-threat guy.
117
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,060
-Hey, Mr. Reede.
-Hey, man.
118
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:07,020
-It's Randy.
-I know.
119
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,530
-Taking lunch orders. Anything?
-No, thanks.
120
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:15,660
I had so much for breakfast,
I'm ready to pop.
121
00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:19,700
-I mean, I'm full.
-Okay. Great.
122
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,710
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
123
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,080
-Max!
-Hi, Greta.
124
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,760
-What's new?
-My birthday's tomorrow. I'm having a party.
125
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:35,470
Wow! I am sure your daddy
has got you something wonderful.
126
00:07:35,590 --> 00:07:39,100
-Yeah?
-Yeah! You bet!
127
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:41,180
Listen, kiddo.
128
00:07:41,430 --> 00:07:45,190
Play in my office for a minute.
Sue somebody for everything they've got.
129
00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:49,480
Maybe you can send a fax
to one of your girlfriends. Sorry.
130
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:53,280
Damn it! I completely forgot.
131
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:54,740
What a surprise.
132
00:07:55,780 --> 00:07:58,410
You are a saint. I should buy you a gift.
133
00:07:58,490 --> 00:08:02,250
-You did.
-I always do the classy thing. Any calls?
134
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:05,540
-Judge Rollins' clerk needs your filing.
-Say it's in the mail.
135
00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:10,040
You'll do it next week. Mr. McKinley phoned
to confirm your meeting.
136
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:13,670
Strep throat. No, a virus.
What's going around?
137
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,630
-Asian flu?
-Good one.
138
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,390
-And your mother called.
-(WHISPERING) I'm on vacation.
139
00:08:18,470 --> 00:08:21,060
-It's your fifth week.
-Snowed in, phones are down.
140
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,720
Break mother's heart. Done. That's it.
141
00:08:23,810 --> 00:08:25,310
Except Miranda's looking for you.
142
00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:26,600
(GROANS)
143
00:08:26,690 --> 00:08:30,980
How much ass do I have to kiss
to make partner in this place?
144
00:08:31,230 --> 00:08:36,070
-I broke my leg and had to be shot.
-Why don't you tell her yourself.
145
00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:40,160
And then send out a notice of judgment
on my win today!
146
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,910
I'll get right on it.
147
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:47,370
Miranda! I didn't see you.
You look beautiful today.
148
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:50,420
Here! I bought you a gift.
149
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:54,880
Oh! Thanks. I heard about your victory.
Congratulations.
150
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:58,510
You're making quite an impression
on the partnership committee.
151
00:08:59,140 --> 00:09:02,510
That's right! You folks are meeting soon.
152
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,180
I've been so busy,
I haven't even thought about it.
153
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:06,600
(LAUGHING)
154
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,230
Anyway. I have a client in my office.
155
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:16,240
-Better not keep him waiting.
-Something important has come up.
156
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,160
You're not busy tonight, are you?
157
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,210
We're not going, are we?
158
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:46,730
Audrey. You know how there are
moments in life that you know are critical?
159
00:09:46,810 --> 00:09:47,810
Mmm-hmm.
160
00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:49,730
And choices that have to be made
161
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,980
upon which all one's future happiness
will depend?
162
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:53,320
Mmm-hmm.
163
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,070
This is one of those moments.
164
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:59,280
What are you trying to say?
165
00:10:00,740 --> 00:10:02,490
Will you marry me?
166
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,920
-You're moving.
-I want you and Max to come with me.
167
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000
I've been giving this a lot of thought.
168
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:16,550
I'm not prone to wild, spontaneous flights
of romantic fancy.
169
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:20,800
But the thought of us together
just makes too much sense to ignore.
170
00:10:20,890 --> 00:10:24,600
I'm ready. I think you're ready.
I love Max. You love Max.
171
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,810
It's right. It fits.
172
00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:28,520
So what do you say?
173
00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:32,860
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
174
00:10:33,650 --> 00:10:36,190
(KEYS CLACKING)
175
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,650
(SIGHS)
176
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,700
(PRINTER BLEEPS)
177
00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:50,250
Hey, creepy. Happy birthday.
178
00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:52,500
How old are you now, 22, 23?
179
00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:55,750
-I'm five, Dad.
-Okay.
180
00:10:56,010 --> 00:10:58,340
Return the beer keg.
181
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,760
-Cancel the dancing girls.
-(CHUCKLING)
182
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:07,350
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I feel completely unprepared for this.
183
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:10,850
You see, I bought you a present,
but last night...
184
00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:13,810
I accidentally swallowed it.
185
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:16,900
-Dad, it's in your belly!
-Scalpel.
186
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,740
I hope it's not partially digested!
187
00:11:19,820 --> 00:11:21,820
Look out!
188
00:11:22,070 --> 00:11:23,160
Cool!
189
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,120
-Cool!
-What is it?
190
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:28,200
It's a surprise.
191
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:31,170
All right, it's a pony. Just open it!
192
00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:33,580
I'm gonna help, because I can't stand it!
193
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,970
BOTH: Baseball stuff!
194
00:11:40,590 --> 00:11:42,930
Cool! Can we play?
195
00:11:43,090 --> 00:11:47,010
I'll be Nomo. You can be Jose Canseco.
Can we play?
196
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,527
-Absolutely.
-Yeah!
197
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:50,857
(LAUGHS)
198
00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:54,650
Right after your party tonight, we'll do it.
You and me.
199
00:11:56,020 --> 00:11:59,320
I just have to really concentrate
on this right now.
200
00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:01,610
(CLICKING TONGUE)
201
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,790
(PRINTER WHIRRING)
202
00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:20,630
(HONKING)
203
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,390
BOTH: Hi!
204
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:28,220
Hey! Happy birthday.
205
00:12:28,350 --> 00:12:31,140
-Thanks, Mom.
-Happy birthday, Max!
206
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:36,650
One, two, three, four, five.
And one for good luck!
207
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:38,860
He struck the child. Did you see that?
208
00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:42,950
-Look at what Dad got me!
-Whoa! Great!
209
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,570
Hey, I have my glove in the car.
210
00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:48,740
Maybe we can stop at the park
on the way home and play catch.
211
00:12:48,910 --> 00:12:52,500
Tonight we can rub oil in it
and wrap a big rubber band around it.
212
00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:55,170
It'll be great. Great gift, Dad!
213
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:59,590
Thanks, Son. I'm so glad my gift
could bring those two together.
214
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,800
My plan to phase myself out
is almost complete.
215
00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:06,430
Something's come up, and we need to talk.
216
00:13:06,550 --> 00:13:08,850
Come on, Mom. I want to go play!
217
00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:12,020
It's kind of important,
so maybe we could talk tonight?
218
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,060
-Tonight?
-Yes.
219
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:17,060
-Max's birthday party.
-Yeah.
220
00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,730
Sure. Of course. We'll talk then. Great!
221
00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:25,200
-Maximus! I'm outta here.
-Bye, Dad.
222
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:27,410
Jerry, enjoy my wife.
223
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:29,660
(EXCLAIMS)
224
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,040
(LAUGHING)
225
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:48,350
This is good. This is really smart.
226
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,390
-Thank you.
-Only...
227
00:13:50,810 --> 00:13:55,310
It's not true. Does that present a problem?
228
00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:58,730
Mrs. Cole, the only problem here
229
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:02,740
is that after you've provided years
of faithful service and loving support
230
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:05,030
of raising his children... They are his?
231
00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:08,950
Oh, yeah. One for sure.
232
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:13,250
After all that,
your husband is denying you
233
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,630
a fair share of the marital assets
based on one single indiscretion.
234
00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:17,750
Seven.
235
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:22,010
-Pardon me?
-Seven single acts of indiscretion.
236
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,880
Seven acts of indiscretion,
237
00:14:24,970 --> 00:14:27,180
only one of which he has any evidence of,
238
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:30,680
and all of which
he himself is responsible for.
239
00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:33,350
-He is?
-Mrs. Cole.
240
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:38,060
You're the victim here.
The wife of a cold, distant workaholic.
241
00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:41,020
Starved for affection.
Driven into the arms of another man!
242
00:14:41,110 --> 00:14:42,820
-Seven.
-Whatever!
243
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,320
You're not denying him
what is rightfully his.
244
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,120
All you're insisting on
is what is rightfully yours.
245
00:14:48,230 --> 00:14:51,650
-Yeah.
-And maybe a... (PUFFS) fraction more.
246
00:14:51,830 --> 00:14:54,330
I think you're bending over backwards.
247
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,710
I did offer to give him
joint custody of the kids.
248
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,630
He is, after all, a wonderful father.
249
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:04,510
And how does he repay you?
250
00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:08,300
By dragging you through
a painful litigation process!
251
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:11,720
No! This can't happen!
252
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:15,600
With all due respect,
this isn't about you and Mr. Cole anymore.
253
00:15:15,690 --> 00:15:17,480
This is about all women.
254
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,940
Where would Tina Turner be right now
if she'd rolled over and said,
255
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:24,110
"Hit me again, Ike,
and put some stank on it"?
256
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,910
Rolling on the river, that's where she'd be.
257
00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:30,990
But she's beyond Thunderdome,
because she decided to send a message.
258
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,870
Wake up, sisters! There's no
259
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,290
such thing as a weaker sex!
260
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:40,670
(EXHALES)
261
00:15:42,090 --> 00:15:43,300
SAMANTHA: You know what?
262
00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:47,840
You're right, Mr. Reede.
I am tired of getting kicked around!
263
00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:49,430
Good for you!
264
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:54,770
Thank you. I am so grateful
265
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:57,390
to have an attorney I can trust.
266
00:15:57,770 --> 00:15:59,150
(EXCLAIMS)
267
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,030
You are good.
268
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,146
(LAUGHS)
You are very, very good.
269
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:15,290
The Cole case is worth
a truckload of money to this firm.
270
00:16:15,370 --> 00:16:18,670
If you win, I guarantee you'll make partner.
271
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:25,510
In fact, how would you like to make
272
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:27,550
a partner right now?
273
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,510
I don't know. I should...
274
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,100
(GRUNTING)
275
00:16:36,310 --> 00:16:37,850
(MUFFLED GROAN)
276
00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:40,680
♪ Happy, happy, happy
happy, happy, happy ♪
277
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:45,650
♪ Happy
I'm so happy today ♪
278
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:49,122
-♪ I live in the U.S.A. ♪♪
-So honey?
279
00:16:49,205 --> 00:16:53,580
Have you thought about,
you know, what we talked about?
280
00:16:54,030 --> 00:16:55,080
-Yeah.
-Great.
281
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,250
I can't go.
282
00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:58,330
What? Why not?
283
00:16:58,410 --> 00:17:01,790
-Because of Max.
-But he'll love it there.
284
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,000
I'm gonna take him to Fenway Park.
285
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:06,380
There's hiking and camping...
286
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:09,720
Well, really, it's Fletcher.
287
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:12,470
Fletcher? Come on, honey.
288
00:17:12,970 --> 00:17:15,270
He wouldn't even come
unless you reminded him.
289
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:18,140
I know, but when he does come over,
Max is so happy.
290
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:20,310
They have their own little world together.
291
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,110
-The Gipper and I have that, too!
-I know, but it's different.
292
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,190
-How?
-Well...
293
00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:30,070
He does the Claw.
294
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:32,410
-The what?
-The Claw.
295
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,290
You know, it's like this...
296
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,330
I don't... (GROWLING)
297
00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:43,746
(IMITATING FLETCHER) Run for you life.
It's the claw! The claw!
298
00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:45,750
(LAUGHS) Mmm.
299
00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:50,587
I can't really do it well. Anyway...
300
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,700
-The point is...
-(PHONE RINGING)
301
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,720
if they're 3,000 miles apart,
they'll never see each other.
302
00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:57,430
Fletcher won't come to Boston.
303
00:17:57,470 --> 00:17:58,930
(RINGING)
304
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:01,310
Hello.
305
00:18:01,350 --> 00:18:04,770
-FLETCHER: Audrey?
-Fletcher! Where are you?
306
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:07,110
Max won't cut the cake until you get here.
307
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,110
Oh, man!
308
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:12,280
Actually, something has come up.
309
00:18:12,530 --> 00:18:14,660
I've got this problem on a new case.
310
00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:16,450
-What happened?
-Nothing!
311
00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:18,790
I stubbed my toe on the desk!
312
00:18:18,870 --> 00:18:22,420
I'm really sorry, but I just can't make it.
313
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,880
The boss is really riding me.
314
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:28,880
Fletcher, it's his birthday!
315
00:18:28,970 --> 00:18:30,550
I know, I know.
316
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:34,600
I'll make it up to him.
I'll pick him up from school tomorrow.
317
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,810
-You're gonna pick him up?
-Yes!
318
00:18:36,890 --> 00:18:39,850
All right, hold on a minute.
You can say, "Happy birthday."
319
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,820
-No! Gotta go! Good-bye.
-(CORD SNAPS)
320
00:18:44,650 --> 00:18:45,690
Hello.
321
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,890
EVERYONE:
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
322
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:54,710
♪ Happy birthday, dear Max ♪
323
00:18:55,610 --> 00:19:00,650
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪
324
00:19:02,210 --> 00:19:05,130
Okay, birthday boy. Make a wish.
325
00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:11,090
Come on, Max. It can be anything you want.
326
00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:12,930
Anything in the whole world.
327
00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:29,070
Max.
328
00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:33,570
Your father is sorry. He had to work.
329
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:36,740
He said he was gonna be here. He promised.
330
00:19:36,780 --> 00:19:41,120
I know, but he promises
that he is gonna see you tomorrow.
331
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:43,960
He's gonna pick you up from school.
332
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:45,630
All right?
333
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,340
So, come on. Make a wish.
334
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:06,190
MAX: I wish that for only one day,
335
00:20:06,270 --> 00:20:08,320
Dad couldn't tell a lie.
336
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:11,950
(ALL APPLAUDING)
337
00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:39,350
MIRANDA: Mmm. That was incredible.
338
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,480
Was it good for you?
339
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:45,810
I've had better.
340
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:48,520
(GASPS)
341
00:20:53,990 --> 00:20:55,410
"I've had better?"
342
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:57,280
(ALARM BUZZING)
343
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,870
"I've had better?"
344
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:07,540
(CHUCKLES) "I've had better."
345
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,630
(CHUCKLES)
346
00:21:15,130 --> 00:21:16,840
(LAUGHING)
347
00:21:19,630 --> 00:21:21,670
-(SIGHS)
-(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
348
00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:33,400
-Hi.
-Hi.
349
00:21:34,070 --> 00:21:36,990
-New in the building?
-I just moved in Monday.
350
00:21:37,030 --> 00:21:38,160
Oh!
351
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,950
-You like it so far?
-Mmm-hmm.
352
00:21:40,030 --> 00:21:41,700
Everybody's been real nice.
353
00:21:41,790 --> 00:21:44,460
That's because you have big jugs.
354
00:21:44,790 --> 00:21:46,960
I mean, your boobs are huge.
355
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,257
I mean, I wanna
squeeze 'em. (GASPS)
356
00:21:49,340 --> 00:21:50,540
(FLETCHER GASPS)
357
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,760
Mama. (MIMICS SUCKLING)
358
00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:58,640
-(SLAP)
-(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
359
00:22:05,060 --> 00:22:07,440
-Any change, mister?
-Absolutely.
360
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,900
-Could you spare some?
-Yes, I could. (SPLUTTERS)
361
00:22:09,940 --> 00:22:12,230
Will you? How come?
362
00:22:12,570 --> 00:22:14,900
Because I believe
you will buy booze with it!
363
00:22:14,940 --> 00:22:19,820
I am tired of being confronted
by the decay of Western society.
364
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,740
Plus, I'm cheap! (GASPS)
365
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,410
Jerk-off!
366
00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:32,690
(BANGS)
367
00:22:46,690 --> 00:22:48,690
(THUD)
368
00:22:56,530 --> 00:22:58,700
You look like you're having
a rough morning.
369
00:22:58,780 --> 00:23:02,120
Ding, ding, ding!
What do we have for her, Johnny?
370
00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:05,830
-DANA: Fletcher.
-Dana.
371
00:23:06,370 --> 00:23:09,460
How much will it take
to put an end to all this?
372
00:23:09,540 --> 00:23:13,380
-Fifty percent of your estate.
-(SCOFFS) Fifty percent?
373
00:23:13,670 --> 00:23:17,050
With a pre-nup and proof of adultery?
What's your case?
374
00:23:17,130 --> 00:23:19,180
Our case is simply this.
375
00:23:23,990 --> 00:23:26,970
(UNABLE TO SPEAK)
B-- M--
376
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,610
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
377
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,400
-Mmm. (ROARS)
-(EXCLAIMS)
378
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:42,660
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
379
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,540
I can't stand this.
380
00:23:51,740 --> 00:23:54,730
(NONSENSE CONTINUES)
381
00:24:01,510 --> 00:24:03,390
Very funny, Fletcher!
382
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,850
You want to play hardball? I'm game.
383
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,520
(MOCKINGLY)
"You want to play hardball? I'm game."
384
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,190
(WHISPERING) What are you doing?
What is wrong with you?
385
00:24:13,270 --> 00:24:17,530
BAILIFF: All rise for the Honorable
Judge Marshall Stevens.
386
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:19,700
Honorable?
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
387
00:24:20,780 --> 00:24:26,040
Good morning. Call case number BD-09395.
388
00:24:26,370 --> 00:24:28,750
Samantha Cole vs. Richard Cole.
389
00:24:29,210 --> 00:24:32,330
-How are we doing this morning, Counsel?
-Fine. Thank you.
390
00:24:32,380 --> 00:24:33,750
And you, Mr. Reede?
391
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,550
I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode
I had last night.
392
00:24:37,700 --> 00:24:39,445
(SPECTATORS TITTERING)
393
00:24:41,220 --> 00:24:44,720
You're still young.
It'll happen more and more.
394
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:48,270
In the meantime, what do you say
we get down to business?
395
00:24:49,270 --> 00:24:54,270
-First, Mr. Reede, I see that your client...
-I would like a continuance!
396
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,360
This case has been delayed several times,
Mr. Reede.
397
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,570
I realize that,
but I would really like a continuance.
398
00:25:03,740 --> 00:25:06,410
I'll have to hear good cause, Counsel.
399
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,790
What's the problem?
400
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,420
I can't lie!
401
00:25:20,970 --> 00:25:25,600
Commendable, but I'm waiting to hear
good cause. Do you have one or not?
402
00:25:25,890 --> 00:25:28,980
-Not.
-Motion for continuance denied.
403
00:25:29,810 --> 00:25:31,980
Any chance of a settlement in this case?
404
00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:37,650
I don't think so.
My client's offered Mrs. Cole $2.4 million.
405
00:25:37,940 --> 00:25:41,780
-But Mr. Reede has made clear he has no...
-Settle!
406
00:25:41,910 --> 00:25:45,160
-Settle, settle, settle!
-I don't want to settle.
407
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:49,790
Mr. Reede, you convinced me yesterday,
I'm the victim here!
408
00:25:49,910 --> 00:25:53,790
I'm starved for affection.
I'm driven into the arms of another man.
409
00:25:53,830 --> 00:25:55,840
-Seven!
-Yeah, whatever.
410
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,090
With the story you came up with,
I don't think we can lose.
411
00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:03,260
-I want to proceed.
-Mrs. Cole, you don't understand.
412
00:26:03,300 --> 00:26:06,140
Mr. Reede. Do we have a settlement?
413
00:26:06,180 --> 00:26:07,310
(SHOUTS) No!
414
00:26:12,310 --> 00:26:14,980
-No, Your Honor.
-JUDGE STEVENS: There's no settlement.
415
00:26:16,020 --> 00:26:18,320
Trial to commence 1:30 sharp.
416
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,570
(RETCHES)
417
00:26:29,330 --> 00:26:31,040
(YELLS MANIACALLY)
418
00:26:34,660 --> 00:26:35,730
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
419
00:26:37,170 --> 00:26:39,170
It was me!
420
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,180
Hi, Mr. Reede! Like my new dress?
421
00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:47,470
Whatever takes the focus off your head.
422
00:26:50,020 --> 00:26:54,520
-What's up, Fletcher?
-Your cholesterol, fatty! Dead man walking!
423
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,190
-Hey!
-You're not important enough to remember.
424
00:26:57,310 --> 00:27:00,190
-What's it gonna be?
-A pockmark, eventually!
425
00:27:00,230 --> 00:27:03,030
Don't ask! For God's sake, don't ask.
426
00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:06,200
All right. You can beat this.
427
00:27:06,490 --> 00:27:08,870
It's all a matter of willpower!
428
00:27:09,740 --> 00:27:12,200
A test. Something small.
429
00:27:14,290 --> 00:27:15,290
(EXCLAIMS)
430
00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:23,010
Red. Red. All right? Now, focus.
431
00:27:23,510 --> 00:27:25,880
The color of this pen is...
432
00:27:25,970 --> 00:27:27,390
(STUTTERING)
433
00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:29,760
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
434
00:27:29,850 --> 00:27:32,770
The color of this pen is...
435
00:27:32,850 --> 00:27:34,560
(SQUEALING)
436
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:40,650
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
437
00:27:40,730 --> 00:27:44,530
The color of the pen
that I hold in my hand
438
00:27:44,900 --> 00:27:49,740
is royal blue!
439
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,580
(YELPS,
BREATHING HEAVILY)
440
00:27:53,620 --> 00:27:55,920
One lie, and I can't say it!
441
00:27:57,790 --> 00:27:59,380
I'll write it.
442
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,430
(GRUNTING)
443
00:28:10,710 --> 00:28:12,730
(YELLING)
444
00:28:26,780 --> 00:28:29,780
Write it! Write it, or I'll break it off!
445
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,720
(CHUCKLING VICTORIOUSLY)
446
00:28:36,670 --> 00:28:39,920
No! Come on! Stop it.
447
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,690
(SCREAMING)
448
00:28:50,010 --> 00:28:51,930
Boss? What happened?
449
00:28:57,100 --> 00:29:00,610
The pen is blue.
450
00:29:00,650 --> 00:29:03,990
The goddamn pen is blue!
451
00:29:07,150 --> 00:29:08,820
Mr. Reede, are you all right?
452
00:29:09,490 --> 00:29:12,660
-I gotta go home.
-Home? Was the case settled?
453
00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:15,330
No! I have to be in court at 1:30!
454
00:29:15,830 --> 00:29:19,830
-Then how are you going to go home?
-I don't know.
455
00:29:20,710 --> 00:29:24,630
Mr. Reede, Rubin and Dunn called.
456
00:29:24,670 --> 00:29:27,680
They need to know
where the Darvis settlement offer stands.
457
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,720
I just proposed a settlement
to dick with them! (GASPS)
458
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:34,680
"Dick with them." Got it.
459
00:29:35,020 --> 00:29:38,150
Your mother called. You still on vacation?
460
00:29:38,190 --> 00:29:39,520
FLETCHER: No.
461
00:29:39,650 --> 00:29:41,650
-Then you're here?
-FLETCHER: Yes.
462
00:29:41,690 --> 00:29:43,530
GRETA: Thanks for clearing that up, sir.
463
00:29:43,650 --> 00:29:47,740
Audrey called. She wants to know
when you're picking up your son.
464
00:29:47,900 --> 00:29:50,570
I'm such a shit!
465
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,750
(PHONE RINGING)
466
00:29:56,870 --> 00:29:58,370
-Hello.
-Audrey?
467
00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:01,210
Are you still picking Max up
from school today?
468
00:30:01,340 --> 00:30:03,250
Here's the thing. I really can't!
469
00:30:03,380 --> 00:30:07,550
I had a case I thought we'd settle, but didn't.
I have to go to court.
470
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,485
-Right.
-It's true! I really want to see Max today!
471
00:30:10,770 --> 00:30:13,060
(SOFTLY)
How about that. I really do.
472
00:30:13,100 --> 00:30:15,720
Things just keep coming up
at the last minute.
473
00:30:15,770 --> 00:30:18,980
-Yes, but this time it's different.
-I see. How is that?
474
00:30:19,060 --> 00:30:22,980
-Now I'm telling the truth.
-Then what were you doing last night?
475
00:30:23,070 --> 00:30:24,860
Having sex!
476
00:30:26,070 --> 00:30:29,070
Well, I hope that it was
with someone very special.
477
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,240
No! I don't even like her,
but she's a partner.
478
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:37,290
I thought I could help my career
by makin' her squeal. (SCREAMS)
479
00:30:37,870 --> 00:30:39,500
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
480
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,590
What's wrong with me?
481
00:30:44,250 --> 00:30:46,880
I'm getting what I deserve.
I'm reaping what I sow.
482
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,750
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
483
00:30:57,930 --> 00:31:01,600
-Is Dad still picking me up?
-No, Max, he's not.
484
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,690
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna pick you up.
I'll work it out.
485
00:31:07,530 --> 00:31:09,450
I guess my wish didn't come true.
486
00:31:09,860 --> 00:31:14,200
-What wish?
-I wished for one day Dad couldn't tell a lie.
487
00:31:14,740 --> 00:31:16,770
(BELL RINGING)
488
00:31:20,790 --> 00:31:21,920
Max?
489
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,420
I have something important
to talk to you about.
490
00:31:29,130 --> 00:31:30,550
-Okay.
-Okay.
491
00:31:33,260 --> 00:31:34,970
(PHONE RINGING)
492
00:31:39,230 --> 00:31:40,230
Hello.
493
00:31:40,310 --> 00:31:43,400
Let me explain.
Something has happened to me.
494
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:47,400
Something else is about to happen to you.
Max and I are moving to Boston.
495
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,820
-What?
-Jerry has asked me to marry him.
496
00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:52,620
Max and I are going this weekend
to look at houses.
497
00:31:52,660 --> 00:31:54,410
I thought it was semi-serious!
498
00:31:54,490 --> 00:31:57,290
It's just been given
a violent shove into serious.
499
00:31:57,330 --> 00:31:59,830
You can't move to Boston.
I'll never see Max!
500
00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:03,330
You'll have the same relationship
you have with him now, won't you?
501
00:32:03,460 --> 00:32:05,170
-Where are you?
-I'm going home.
502
00:32:05,250 --> 00:32:08,510
When you get there, stay there.
I'm coming over. We have to talk.
503
00:32:08,590 --> 00:32:10,970
-Fletcher!
-I'll be right there.
504
00:32:12,750 --> 00:32:16,680
-Hey, Mr. Reede--
-♪ La, la, la, la ♪
505
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,680
♪ La, la, la, la ♪♪
506
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,720
♪♪ (SINGING NONSENSE)
507
00:32:20,730 --> 00:32:22,730
(BELL DINGS)
508
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:27,360
-Fletcher!
-Holy hell!
509
00:32:31,990 --> 00:32:34,700
You can run, but you can't hide.
510
00:32:36,710 --> 00:32:38,720
(TIRES SQUEALING)
511
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,210
What's your problem, schmuck?
512
00:32:42,330 --> 00:32:44,830
I'm an inconsiderate prick!
513
00:33:04,650 --> 00:33:06,230
(SIREN WAILING)
514
00:33:08,730 --> 00:33:10,190
Shit!
515
00:33:15,070 --> 00:33:16,240
Shit!
516
00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:27,840
-You know why I stopped you?
-Depends on how long you've followed me.
517
00:33:29,250 --> 00:33:32,760
-Why don't we take it from the top?
-Here goes.
518
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:34,760
I sped, followed too closely,
ran a "Stop" sign,
519
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,680
almost hit a Chevy, sped,
failed to yield at a crosswalk.
520
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,770
I changed lanes at the intersection
without signaling
521
00:33:40,850 --> 00:33:43,270
while running a red light and speeding!
522
00:33:43,850 --> 00:33:45,860
-Is that all?
-No.
523
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,280
I have unpaid parking tickets.
524
00:33:51,670 --> 00:33:53,670
(GROANS)
525
00:33:54,410 --> 00:33:55,450
Be gentle.
526
00:33:58,950 --> 00:34:00,540
Audrey! Wait!
527
00:34:04,460 --> 00:34:07,540
Wait, Audrey. Hold on. Wait!
528
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:08,630
Wait!
529
00:34:08,710 --> 00:34:11,960
Wait? I just had an insight into myself.
I'm crazy.
530
00:34:12,130 --> 00:34:15,970
You call and say, "Wait, I'll be right over."
531
00:34:16,140 --> 00:34:18,640
Here's the crazy part, I actually wait.
532
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:22,480
-I can explain this.
-I have missed a department meeting.
533
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,560
-Did you come in a cab?
-Yes!
534
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:26,310
Where's your car?
535
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,280
FLETCHER: Thank you! I can't tell you
how much this means to me.
536
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:35,450
I can. $1,654.11.
537
00:34:35,490 --> 00:34:37,320
How do you sleep at night?
538
00:34:40,330 --> 00:34:42,410
I'm taking this. (INHALING)
539
00:34:43,650 --> 00:34:45,650
(LOUD CRUNCH)
540
00:34:45,650 --> 00:34:48,620
(TIRES SQUEALING)
541
00:34:52,170 --> 00:34:54,010
You scratched my car!
542
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,640
-Where?
-Right there!
543
00:35:00,010 --> 00:35:01,640
Oh, there.
544
00:35:02,430 --> 00:35:04,270
That was already there.
545
00:35:04,350 --> 00:35:06,350
Why, you...
546
00:35:07,190 --> 00:35:08,860
You liar!
547
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:11,980
-You know what I'm going to do?
-What?
548
00:35:12,030 --> 00:35:14,530
Nothing! If I take you
to a small-claims court,
549
00:35:14,650 --> 00:35:19,870
you won't show up,
and if I win, you'll just stiff me.
550
00:35:19,950 --> 00:35:23,330
So I'm gonna piss and moan
like an impotent jerk
551
00:35:23,370 --> 00:35:26,960
and then bend over
and take it up the tailpipe!
552
00:35:27,830 --> 00:35:29,880
You been here before, haven't you?
553
00:35:31,210 --> 00:35:33,550
Well, I can't remember
when I've had more fun,
554
00:35:33,670 --> 00:35:35,840
but if you'll excuse me, I have a class.
555
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:40,220
-You'd marry him 'cause you're mad at me?
-No, that's why I divorced you.
556
00:35:40,350 --> 00:35:43,350
-Wait. I want to talk about this!
-What do you want to say?
557
00:35:43,390 --> 00:35:46,560
Is this guy right for you? He is so not me!
558
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:50,860
-That's one of his best qualities.
-But he's kind of Magoo.
559
00:35:51,820 --> 00:35:56,150
-I'm sorry.
-Sometimes maybe he is a little...
560
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:59,570
-Magoo!
-Yes, but since we've been going out...
561
00:36:00,030 --> 00:36:03,080
-I'm not having this conversation with you.
-You can't go.
562
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,000
-This is not fair.
-Fair?
563
00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:10,500
Let's define "fair."
Last night a 5-year-old boy was crushed
564
00:36:10,590 --> 00:36:14,210
because his father lied to him
about coming to his birthday party.
565
00:36:14,460 --> 00:36:16,220
-Fair?
-Last night...
566
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:19,010
Was none of my business.
567
00:36:19,090 --> 00:36:22,680
Two years ago, it was my business.
But I don't have to care anymore.
568
00:36:22,810 --> 00:36:26,180
That's the magic of divorce.
But it matters to Max!
569
00:36:26,270 --> 00:36:29,480
Everything you do matters,
and everything you don't do.
570
00:36:29,650 --> 00:36:31,560
Now let me tell you something.
571
00:36:31,940 --> 00:36:33,650
I'm a bad father!
572
00:36:36,780 --> 00:36:38,070
I mean...
573
00:36:43,990 --> 00:36:45,700
I'm a bad father.
574
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:52,290
You're not a bad father, when you show up.
575
00:36:52,590 --> 00:36:55,340
What if I come right after court
and play ball?
576
00:36:55,510 --> 00:36:58,630
Then you and I can talk
before you make any rash decisions!
577
00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:00,680
No, we are leaving tonight.
578
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,600
Please. Give me one more chance.
579
00:37:04,060 --> 00:37:06,480
I'm throwing myself
on the mercy of the court.
580
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:11,110
I lost you, but please,
don't make me lose Max, too.
581
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,360
Give me a chance to be the father
I started out to be.
582
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:23,490
(EXHALING)
583
00:37:23,580 --> 00:37:26,700
-You're really coming?
-This is ironclad.
584
00:37:26,790 --> 00:37:30,290
This is the mother of all promises.
What time?
585
00:37:30,550 --> 00:37:32,090
Okay, 6:00.
586
00:37:32,380 --> 00:37:34,090
Ten to 6:00.
587
00:37:34,750 --> 00:37:38,340
All right.
But if I tell Max that you're coming,
588
00:37:38,970 --> 00:37:42,220
and you don't show up
and I have to see that look on his face,
589
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:44,390
that heartbreaking look,
590
00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:46,680
we're going to Boston.
591
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,100
If I don't show up, I'll pack you myself.
592
00:37:50,190 --> 00:37:53,440
I will lovingly wrap your knickknacks
with bubble paper.
593
00:37:53,730 --> 00:37:55,110
I hope so.
594
00:37:57,030 --> 00:38:00,280
Do you know what your son was doing
at 8:15 last night?
595
00:38:01,030 --> 00:38:04,370
He was making a birthday wish
that for just one day
596
00:38:04,450 --> 00:38:06,160
his father couldn't tell a lie.
597
00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:15,380
Oh, my God! That's it!
598
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,130
"I do not like them, Sam I Am.
599
00:38:18,260 --> 00:38:20,800
"I do not like green eggs and ham.
600
00:38:21,380 --> 00:38:23,890
"Would you like them here or there?
601
00:38:23,970 --> 00:38:26,100
-"I would not like them..."
-Excuse me.
602
00:38:26,810 --> 00:38:30,810
Hi. I'm Max's bad father. I'm his father.
603
00:38:30,940 --> 00:38:34,690
-Dad!
-Could I borrow him for just one second?
604
00:38:36,070 --> 00:38:39,950
-Monster Max!
-Dadzilla! You came to play catch?
605
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,070
I'd like to, but I can't. I gotta talk to you.
606
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:47,450
Your mommy told me about that wish
you made last night. It came true, Max.
607
00:38:47,620 --> 00:38:50,330
-You mean you have to tell the truth?
-Yes.
608
00:38:50,410 --> 00:38:52,500
-No matter what?
-No matter what!
609
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,880
-Is wrestling real?
-In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.
610
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,510
Will sitting near the TV set
make me go blind?
611
00:38:58,590 --> 00:39:00,050
Not in a million years.
612
00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:03,140
If I keep making this face,
will it get stuck that way?
613
00:39:03,220 --> 00:39:06,140
Uh-uh. In fact some people
make a good living that way.
614
00:39:09,350 --> 00:39:12,190
Now listen, Max.
You've gotta do something for me.
615
00:39:12,270 --> 00:39:14,810
I need you to take back that wish.
616
00:39:15,190 --> 00:39:17,530
-So you can lie?
-Yes.
617
00:39:17,820 --> 00:39:20,070
But not to you. You see, Max,
618
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:24,780
sometimes grownups need to lie.
619
00:39:26,530 --> 00:39:28,870
It's hard to explain, but if...
620
00:39:30,330 --> 00:39:33,460
Here's a good example.
When your mommy was pregnant with you,
621
00:39:33,540 --> 00:39:36,170
she gained a good 40 pounds.
She ate everything.
622
00:39:36,250 --> 00:39:38,960
Daddy was scared.
But when she asked, "How do I look?"
623
00:39:39,050 --> 00:39:43,260
I said, "Honey, you look great.
You're beautiful. You're glowing."
624
00:39:43,340 --> 00:39:47,220
If I had said she looked like a cow,
it would have upset her.
625
00:39:47,310 --> 00:39:49,850
My teacher tells me real beauty
is on the inside.
626
00:39:49,930 --> 00:39:52,310
That's just something ugly people say.
627
00:39:53,270 --> 00:39:57,230
Max, no one can survive in the adult world
if they have to stick to the truth.
628
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:01,450
I could lose my case, I could lose
my promotion, I could even lose my job.
629
00:40:01,610 --> 00:40:03,410
I need your help, Max. Okay?
630
00:40:03,510 --> 00:40:05,570
(SIGHS) Okay.
631
00:40:07,410 --> 00:40:09,790
Do whatever you did last night,
632
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:14,540
only this time, make it an "unwish."
633
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:24,970
I did it.
634
00:40:25,050 --> 00:40:26,390
Excellent!
635
00:40:27,350 --> 00:40:29,680
Now, I just need a little test.
636
00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:52,370
-Did it work?
-Not like I'd hoped. Did you unwish it?
637
00:40:52,870 --> 00:40:55,210
-Only...
-What? Only what?
638
00:40:55,420 --> 00:40:58,590
Yesterday, when I wished it,
I really meant it.
639
00:40:58,710 --> 00:41:02,470
This time when I unwished it,
I only did it because you told me to.
640
00:41:03,380 --> 00:41:05,590
All right. Do it again.
641
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,600
And this time, mean it.
642
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,010
-But I can't!
-Why not?
643
00:41:10,140 --> 00:41:13,430
-Because I don't want you to lie.
-I explained this.
644
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:16,900
I have to lie. Everybody lies.
645
00:41:16,980 --> 00:41:20,320
Mommy lies. Even the wonderful Jerry lies.
646
00:41:20,610 --> 00:41:22,905
But you're the only one
that makes me feel bad.
647
00:41:23,490 --> 00:41:27,470
-(BELL RINGING)
-MS. BERRY: Max, recess is over.
648
00:41:27,490 --> 00:41:28,910
Come on in!
649
00:41:33,790 --> 00:41:35,540
Mom says we're moving to Boston.
650
00:41:35,620 --> 00:41:38,500
That isn't for sure yet.
651
00:41:39,250 --> 00:41:41,790
She promised we'd talk about it tonight.
652
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,460
I am coming!
653
00:41:45,010 --> 00:41:47,260
You believe me, don't you, Max?
654
00:41:48,340 --> 00:41:50,470
I'll see you later, buddy.
655
00:41:52,490 --> 00:41:54,480
(SQUISH)
656
00:41:58,510 --> 00:42:00,480
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
657
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:04,190
-Fletcher. How's it hanging?
-Short, shriveled and always to the left.
658
00:42:08,650 --> 00:42:12,240
Boss, it's Skull.
He knocked over another ATM.
659
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,820
This time at knife-point.
He needs your legal advice.
660
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,290
(SHOUTING)
Stop breaking the law, asshole!
661
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,880
Boss, are you all right?
662
00:42:34,050 --> 00:42:35,840
My son hates me.
663
00:42:37,430 --> 00:42:42,100
Max loves you. I've seen you together.
You're his hero.
664
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:43,850
Oh, yeah?
665
00:42:45,350 --> 00:42:48,770
Last night at his birthday party,
he made a wish
666
00:42:48,980 --> 00:42:52,270
that I wouldn't be able to lie
for one whole day.
667
00:42:52,900 --> 00:42:55,150
-Kids.
-It came true.
668
00:42:55,730 --> 00:42:57,950
-What?
-Max's wish!
669
00:42:58,650 --> 00:43:00,160
It came true.
670
00:43:06,870 --> 00:43:09,830
GRETA: Maybe you should
just take a few days off.
671
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:14,460
FLETCHER: Didn't it seem weird to you
that I kept telling the truth all morning?
672
00:43:14,580 --> 00:43:16,340
Well, yeah, but...
673
00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:22,010
What are you saying?
That you are incapable of lying?
674
00:43:22,090 --> 00:43:25,340
That's right! I am incapable of lying!
675
00:43:25,510 --> 00:43:29,560
-GRETA: Just for today?
-FLETCHER: Apparently. Till 8:15 tonight.
676
00:43:29,810 --> 00:43:31,810
It's one of those 24-hour curses.
677
00:43:31,930 --> 00:43:33,850
GRETA: Those are going around.
678
00:43:33,980 --> 00:43:36,310
-You don't believe me, do you?
-Of course not.
679
00:43:36,350 --> 00:43:37,600
(LAUGHS)
680
00:43:37,980 --> 00:43:39,400
How ironic!
681
00:43:39,980 --> 00:43:44,030
Ask me something
you think I would normally lie about.
682
00:43:44,150 --> 00:43:48,070
Remember a couple of months ago
when I wanted a raise?
683
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:51,330
-I don't want to do this.
-The company wouldn't give me one,
684
00:43:51,410 --> 00:43:54,620
and I asked if you would give it to me
out of your own pocket,
685
00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:58,870
and you said the company wouldn't allow it,
because it would create jealousy
686
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,000
among the other secretaries.
687
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:05,380
Now. Was that true, or did you just not want
to pony up the dough?
688
00:44:08,590 --> 00:44:10,130
Greta, please!
689
00:44:10,590 --> 00:44:14,970
Judge Stevens, hi! Fletcher Reede.
I have to be in your court in half an hour.
690
00:44:15,100 --> 00:44:18,520
Judge Stevens, I badly need a continuance.
691
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:23,060
Am I ill?
That is the perfect question for you to ask.
692
00:44:23,150 --> 00:44:24,730
Please lie to him for me!
693
00:44:24,810 --> 00:44:29,230
I remember when you bought me
this antique frame from Tiffany's. Tiffany's?
694
00:44:29,820 --> 00:44:32,950
Garage sale. $6.50 marked down from $10.
695
00:44:33,150 --> 00:44:34,570
(SHATTERING)
696
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,200
I'll give you the raise!
697
00:44:38,660 --> 00:44:40,410
Here's your raise.
698
00:44:40,660 --> 00:44:41,870
(GASPS)
699
00:44:42,410 --> 00:44:43,393
Hi, Judge Stevens!
700
00:44:43,476 --> 00:44:45,747
-Yes, I know I haven't given you an answer yet,
-(PHONE RINGING)
701
00:44:45,830 --> 00:44:48,580
but illness could mean so many things.
702
00:44:48,670 --> 00:44:51,550
Can you hold? Hello? Mom!
703
00:44:52,130 --> 00:44:55,380
Hi! I wasn't really on vacation.
704
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,220
Because I didn't want to talk to you!
705
00:44:58,340 --> 00:45:02,317
Because you insist on talking about Dad's
bowel movements, size, color, frequency.
706
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:05,370
I'll call you later!
(PUNCHING BUTTONS) Hello?
707
00:45:05,470 --> 00:45:07,520
Damn it! I cut him off.
708
00:45:07,890 --> 00:45:10,140
I cut off the judge!
709
00:45:10,450 --> 00:45:11,870
(GRUNTING)
710
00:45:15,730 --> 00:45:17,570
Greta! Don't leave!
711
00:45:17,940 --> 00:45:21,150
I'm on my knees in a $900 suit!
712
00:45:22,740 --> 00:45:27,160
Mr. Reede. Several years ago,
a friend had a burglar on her roof.
713
00:45:27,990 --> 00:45:32,750
He fell through the skylight,
landed on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg.
714
00:45:32,830 --> 00:45:36,330
The burglar sued my friend.
He sued my friend!
715
00:45:36,420 --> 00:45:38,590
Because of guys like you, he won!
716
00:45:38,670 --> 00:45:43,170
My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000.
Is that justice?
717
00:45:43,260 --> 00:45:46,220
No. I'd have got him $10,000.
718
00:45:47,890 --> 00:45:50,390
-Good-bye, Mr. Reede.
-Wait!
719
00:45:50,470 --> 00:45:53,180
I didn't understand! Ask me again!
720
00:45:53,270 --> 00:45:55,350
Have a nice day in court.
721
00:45:56,850 --> 00:45:58,810
-Hi.
-God in heaven!
722
00:45:59,150 --> 00:46:02,150
It's nice to see you, too. Are you busy?
723
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:05,320
-Extremely.
-Good. Would you follow me, please?
724
00:46:09,950 --> 00:46:13,410
Did you know Mr. Allan himself
heads the partnership committee?
725
00:46:13,490 --> 00:46:14,490
Uh-huh!
726
00:46:14,540 --> 00:46:18,000
-You used to work directly for Mr. Allan.
-Yeah.
727
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,670
Tell me. What do you think of him?
728
00:46:20,710 --> 00:46:21,920
(GASPS)
729
00:46:22,250 --> 00:46:24,920
He's a pedantic, pontificating,
pretentious bastard!
730
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:29,550
A belligerent old fart! A steaming pile
of cow dung! Figuratively speaking.
731
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,930
Really? How delightful. This way.
732
00:46:33,010 --> 00:46:34,470
(SPLUTTERING)
733
00:46:35,010 --> 00:46:39,850
Pardon me for interrupting your meeting.
Mr. Allan, you remember Fletcher Reede?
734
00:46:40,730 --> 00:46:43,690
Yes! Nice to see you again, Fletcher.
735
00:46:43,770 --> 00:46:46,860
I'll be observing you
in court this afternoon.
736
00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:49,570
I've been hearing
some good things about you.
737
00:46:49,860 --> 00:46:54,570
Fletcher has been telling me
how much he thinks of you.
738
00:46:54,860 --> 00:46:59,030
Tell Mr. Allan. What do you think of him?
739
00:47:06,710 --> 00:47:09,880
He's a pedantic, pontificating,
pretentious bastard.
740
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:14,550
A belligerent old fart.
A worthless, steaming pile of cow dung.
741
00:47:15,380 --> 00:47:16,710
(SIGHS)
742
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,720
Figuratively speaking.
743
00:47:31,310 --> 00:47:32,690
(LAUGHING)
744
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,360
(ALL LAUGHING)
745
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,070
That's the funniest damn thing
I've ever heard!
746
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,280
You're a real card, Reede!
747
00:47:44,610 --> 00:47:46,780
I love a good roast!
748
00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:49,620
Do Simmons!
749
00:47:50,740 --> 00:47:51,750
Simmons is old!
750
00:47:51,790 --> 00:47:53,290
(ALL LAUGHING)
751
00:47:53,910 --> 00:47:55,920
He should've been out
of the game years ago.
752
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,540
But he can't stay home
because he hates his wife.
753
00:48:00,090 --> 00:48:02,090
You've met her at the Christmas parties.
754
00:48:02,130 --> 00:48:05,420
She's the one that gets plastered
and calls him a retard.
755
00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:09,590
You, Tom, you're the biggest brownnose
I've ever seen!
756
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:14,600
Your head is so far up Allan's ass,
I can't tell where you end and he begins!
757
00:48:15,310 --> 00:48:16,730
Priceless!
758
00:48:19,230 --> 00:48:21,940
You have bad breath caused by gingivitis.
759
00:48:22,060 --> 00:48:23,650
You couldn't get a porn star off.
760
00:48:23,770 --> 00:48:26,730
Your hairpiece looks like
something killed on the highway.
761
00:48:26,940 --> 00:48:31,110
I don't know whether to comb it
or scrape it off and bury it in lime!
762
00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:35,950
Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate!
763
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:37,290
Slut!
764
00:48:40,410 --> 00:48:44,920
I like your style, Reede!
That's what this stuffy company needs!
765
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:49,300
-A little irreverence!
-Good! I'll see you later, dickhead!
766
00:48:50,420 --> 00:48:52,300
Dickhead! Priceless!
767
00:48:52,970 --> 00:48:54,340
(ULULATING)
768
00:48:56,330 --> 00:48:59,330
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
769
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,400
(MOANS)
Keep your eye on that boy.
770
00:49:12,820 --> 00:49:14,150
Dickhead!
771
00:49:15,530 --> 00:49:17,490
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
772
00:49:20,340 --> 00:49:22,340
(THUD)
773
00:49:23,660 --> 00:49:25,620
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
774
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,130
BAILIFF: Third District Court
is now in session.
775
00:49:38,260 --> 00:49:41,970
The Honorable Judge
Marshall Stevens presiding.
776
00:49:43,510 --> 00:49:47,720
Afternoon, Counselors.
Are we ready to begin?
777
00:49:47,930 --> 00:49:52,690
No, sir! We are not ready to begin,
because my client has not arrived!
778
00:49:52,770 --> 00:49:54,440
Hurry! Move it!
779
00:49:54,905 --> 00:49:57,410
♪ Here she comes
to wreck the day ♪♪
780
00:49:57,690 --> 00:50:00,070
-Mr. Reede!
-Sorry, Your Honor.
781
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:02,820
Go. Lupe, you keep those kids quiet.
782
00:50:02,900 --> 00:50:04,990
I'm not even close to kidding.
783
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:08,990
(SIGHS) Sorry.
Billy threw up in the car.
784
00:50:08,990 --> 00:50:11,080
You brought your kids to your divorce?
785
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:13,160
-Sympathy.
-It's working.
786
00:50:13,250 --> 00:50:14,960
I feel sorry for them already.
787
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,330
JUDGE STEVENS: Miss Appleton,
you may begin.
788
00:50:18,250 --> 00:50:20,630
From March 6 through June 12,
789
00:50:20,710 --> 00:50:24,000
I surveilled Mrs. Cole
at the behest of Mr. Cole.
790
00:50:24,340 --> 00:50:26,630
During that period, I noted that Mr. Cole
791
00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:29,720
left each day between 7:40 and 7:50.
792
00:50:30,430 --> 00:50:33,390
Thereafter Mrs. Cole
would frequently have
793
00:50:33,470 --> 00:50:37,850
a male visitor arrive and stay
from one to four hours.
794
00:50:38,180 --> 00:50:41,730
I was able to take several photographs
of the male visitor.
795
00:50:41,810 --> 00:50:42,860
(GULPS NERVOUSLY)
796
00:50:42,900 --> 00:50:44,110
I see.
797
00:50:45,690 --> 00:50:49,530
Do you know what Mrs. Cole
and her male visitor did
798
00:50:49,610 --> 00:50:51,990
during these frequent visits?
799
00:50:52,990 --> 00:50:55,870
BRYSON: Well, they were pretty good
about keeping the shades drawn,
800
00:50:55,950 --> 00:51:00,330
but I was able to make a recording
of one such session.
801
00:51:01,910 --> 00:51:04,040
Your Honor, as you are aware,
802
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:06,250
under the terms
of the prenuptial agreement,
803
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:10,250
if Mrs. Cole commits adultery,
she is entitled to nothing.
804
00:51:11,050 --> 00:51:14,580
With your permission, we'd like to play
the following tape recording.
805
00:51:14,663 --> 00:51:16,470
(PLAYBACK BUTTON CLICKING)
806
00:51:17,430 --> 00:51:19,140
(SAMANTHA MOANING ON TAPE)
807
00:51:20,050 --> 00:51:21,930
KENNETH: Here comes Big Daddy!
808
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:23,850
SAMANTHA: Oh, God!
809
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:28,270
-(GRUNTING)
-Do it to me! Harder! Harder!
810
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,420
-(SAMANTHA SCREAMING)
-(GULPING)
811
00:51:31,420 --> 00:51:34,420
(SAMANTHA MOANING, SCREAMING)
812
00:51:34,570 --> 00:51:35,860
Come on!
813
00:51:36,860 --> 00:51:42,450
How can it be proved that the male voice
on that tape is not Mr. Cole?
814
00:51:42,660 --> 00:51:45,660
SAMANTHA ON TAPE: You are such
a better lover than my husband!
815
00:51:46,450 --> 00:51:50,120
-I object!
-And why is that, Mr. Reede?
816
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:53,040
-It's devastating to my case!
-Overruled.
817
00:51:53,130 --> 00:51:54,500
Good call!
818
00:51:55,210 --> 00:51:57,840
KENNETH: I gotta go.
I haven't cleaned your pool.
819
00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:58,960
Your witness.
820
00:51:59,210 --> 00:52:00,630
SAMANTHA:
(PANTING ON TAPE) All right.
821
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:04,840
Mr. Reede, you may proceed.
822
00:52:10,470 --> 00:52:11,560
(SOFTLY) How?
823
00:52:36,580 --> 00:52:40,380
Would the court be willing to grant me
a short bathroom break?
824
00:52:40,500 --> 00:52:42,750
-Can't it wait?
-Yes, it can.
825
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:46,000
But I've heard if you hold it,
you can damage the prostate
826
00:52:46,090 --> 00:52:49,010
making it difficult to get an erection
or become aroused!
827
00:52:49,510 --> 00:52:51,760
-Is that true?
-It has to be.
828
00:52:53,180 --> 00:52:55,760
In that case,
I better take a little break myself.
829
00:52:55,850 --> 00:52:58,770
But you get back here immediately
so we can finish this.
830
00:53:01,460 --> 00:53:04,470
(MURMURING)
831
00:53:05,730 --> 00:53:07,520
(INDISTINCT)
832
00:53:10,190 --> 00:53:11,570
(GROANING)
833
00:53:15,030 --> 00:53:19,530
How am I going to get out of this?
834
00:53:20,450 --> 00:53:23,620
Think. Think.
835
00:53:24,250 --> 00:53:25,460
Think!
836
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:27,790
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
837
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:39,440
(GRUNTING)
838
00:53:42,310 --> 00:53:43,720
(SCREAMING)
839
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,450
(YELLING, GROANING)
840
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:56,820
(GROANING)
841
00:53:58,490 --> 00:54:01,530
(GROANING CONTINUES)
842
00:54:05,460 --> 00:54:07,500
(CRASH)
843
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:12,370
(GRUNTING)
844
00:54:14,490 --> 00:54:17,490
(GROANING)
845
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:23,530
(SCREAMING, CRYING)
846
00:54:24,590 --> 00:54:26,800
What the hell are you doing?
847
00:54:27,260 --> 00:54:31,770
I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?
848
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:36,470
(SCREAMS)
849
00:54:45,490 --> 00:54:47,510
(MURMURING)
850
00:54:52,620 --> 00:54:54,410
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
851
00:54:54,450 --> 00:54:55,790
(ALL GASP)
852
00:54:56,790 --> 00:54:59,096
BAILIFF: I found him like this
in the bathroom, Your Honor.
853
00:54:59,290 --> 00:55:01,210
Somebody beat the hell out of him.
854
00:55:01,330 --> 00:55:03,960
-Who did this?
-A madman, Your Honor!
855
00:55:04,540 --> 00:55:07,670
A desperate fool
at the end of his pitiful rope!
856
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,460
What did he look like?
857
00:55:09,550 --> 00:55:13,130
About 6'2', 180 pounds,
big teeth, kind of gangly.
858
00:55:13,390 --> 00:55:15,690
Have the deputy search the building.
859
00:55:15,773 --> 00:55:18,087
-Yes, sir.
-(SPECTATORS MURMURING)
860
00:55:18,170 --> 00:55:20,560
JUDGE STEVENS: Order! Order!
861
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:22,230
(GAVEL POUNDING)
862
00:55:25,350 --> 00:55:29,150
Under the circumstances,
I have no choice but to recess this case
863
00:55:29,230 --> 00:55:31,650
until 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.
864
00:55:31,990 --> 00:55:35,150
Unless, of course,
you feel you can still proceed.
865
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:40,410
Can you?
866
00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:50,065
(SOBBING)
Yes, I can.
867
00:55:50,330 --> 00:55:52,840
I admire your courage, Mr. Reede.
868
00:55:53,380 --> 00:55:56,550
We'll take a short recess
so that you can compose yourself.
869
00:55:56,670 --> 00:55:58,680
Then we'll get started.
870
00:56:08,850 --> 00:56:10,310
Here you go.
871
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:19,520
-(PHONE RINGS)
-(GASPS)
872
00:56:19,530 --> 00:56:20,801
(PHONE RINGS)
873
00:56:22,530 --> 00:56:23,570
Hello?
874
00:56:23,660 --> 00:56:27,200
-MAX: Dad?
-Max? How's it going?
875
00:56:27,330 --> 00:56:29,870
You know Paul and Emanuel
from across the street?
876
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:33,540
They never want to play baseball with me.
877
00:56:33,710 --> 00:56:36,210
But I told them
I'm playing tonight with my dad.
878
00:56:36,250 --> 00:56:38,540
Now they want to play with us. Is that okay?
879
00:56:38,590 --> 00:56:41,250
Sure. The more the merrier.
880
00:56:41,510 --> 00:56:43,550
Coolest! Do you want to be Jose Canseco?
881
00:56:44,340 --> 00:56:48,430
Who else is gonna hit
that famous Nomo slider?
882
00:56:48,550 --> 00:56:51,930
-Mr. Reede.
-I gotta go now, Max.
883
00:56:52,180 --> 00:56:56,230
-I'll see you in a couple of hours. Bye.
-Bye, Dad.
884
00:56:58,100 --> 00:57:01,520
He's really coming! I'm gonna go change.
885
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:02,560
Go ahead!
886
00:57:02,650 --> 00:57:04,730
(MAX EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)
887
00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:09,780
Mr. Reede!
888
00:57:10,450 --> 00:57:12,740
(MOCKINGLY) "Mr. Reede!"
889
00:57:15,540 --> 00:57:18,910
This is my lawyer. He's a little unorthodox.
You'll get used to him.
890
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,080
Mr. Reede, you remember Kenneth Falk,
the man from the tape.
891
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:25,750
-How could I forget?
-Hey, how you doing?
892
00:57:25,790 --> 00:57:28,920
I've slipped into the seventh circle of hell,
thank you.
893
00:57:29,090 --> 00:57:32,090
Shouldn't we be going over our testimony
right now?
894
00:57:32,130 --> 00:57:35,050
Basically, the plan is,
I walk you through the tape.
895
00:57:35,220 --> 00:57:37,430
Step by step, I ask you questions.
896
00:57:37,470 --> 00:57:40,930
-And we give the explanation you made up.
-Exactly.
897
00:57:41,100 --> 00:57:43,430
So we lie? That sounds simple.
898
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:44,940
Doesn't it!
899
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:48,400
Then I'll finish up
with a dramatic series of questions.
900
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:53,730
Something like: Mr. Falk,
isn't it true that you and Mrs. Cole
901
00:57:53,990 --> 00:57:54,990
have never made...
902
00:57:55,070 --> 00:57:57,780
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
903
00:57:58,570 --> 00:58:00,560
♪ Lo-- ♪♪
904
00:58:05,450 --> 00:58:06,660
I can't do it.
905
00:58:06,790 --> 00:58:10,580
I can't finish the question
if I know the answer is a lie.
906
00:58:26,470 --> 00:58:28,640
You may proceed, Mr. Reede.
907
00:58:42,110 --> 00:58:43,860
Respondent calls
908
00:58:46,030 --> 00:58:47,530
Kenneth Falk.
909
00:59:05,380 --> 00:59:06,720
Raise your right hand.
910
00:59:07,130 --> 00:59:10,510
Do you swear to tell the whole truth,
so help you God?
911
00:59:10,550 --> 00:59:13,350
I do! I mean...
912
00:59:16,890 --> 00:59:18,060
I do.
913
00:59:25,230 --> 00:59:26,400
Mr. Falk.
914
00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:28,030
(CLEARS THROAT)
915
00:59:31,650 --> 00:59:33,700
Do you know my client, Samantha Cole?
916
00:59:34,530 --> 00:59:35,700
Yes.
917
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:43,830
Isn't it true that your relationship
with my client is entirely platonic?
918
00:59:43,870 --> 00:59:45,750
I object, Your Honor!
919
00:59:46,170 --> 00:59:47,590
To yourself?
920
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:50,050
Yeah.
921
00:59:50,420 --> 00:59:54,260
But I would like to rephrase the question.
922
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:56,680
(GROANS)
923
00:59:57,220 --> 01:00:00,350
Mr. Falk, would I be accurate
924
01:00:00,390 --> 01:00:04,680
if I described your relationship
with Mrs. Cole as totally professional?
925
01:00:04,890 --> 01:00:07,230
I object, and I move to strike!
926
01:00:08,020 --> 01:00:10,730
Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on,
927
01:00:10,860 --> 01:00:13,730
but you better get to the point, and quick.
928
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:19,670
-Thank you, sir.
-(MURMURING)
929
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:24,370
Is your relationship
with my client entirely platonic?
930
01:00:24,450 --> 01:00:27,120
Not! Is not your relationship
with my client...
931
01:00:27,410 --> 01:00:29,250
"Bad baby, bad baby!"
932
01:00:29,330 --> 01:00:31,460
Did you ever not make...
933
01:00:31,580 --> 01:00:33,460
Did you... (GASPING)
934
01:00:33,540 --> 01:00:34,670
Mr. Reede!
935
01:00:34,750 --> 01:00:38,760
You had sex with her every time you met,
didn't you? Liar!
936
01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:41,300
-He's badgering the witness.
-It's his witness.
937
01:00:41,380 --> 01:00:45,010
You slammed her! You dunked her donuts!
You gave her dog a Snausage!
938
01:00:45,090 --> 01:00:46,760
You stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey!
939
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,220
(ULULATING)
940
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:54,440
All right, it's true! I humped her brains out!
You happy?
941
01:01:00,900 --> 01:01:02,780
No further questions.
942
01:01:04,700 --> 01:01:07,700
(LOW MURMURING)
943
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:23,420
No questions.
944
01:01:25,460 --> 01:01:27,220
JUDGE STEVENS: You may step down.
945
01:01:31,430 --> 01:01:34,430
Do I dare ask you to call your next witness?
946
01:01:38,100 --> 01:01:40,350
I have no further witnesses.
947
01:01:40,940 --> 01:01:43,770
(WHISPERING) What are you doing? Call me!
948
01:01:44,020 --> 01:01:47,110
You do not understand. I can't lie.
949
01:01:47,190 --> 01:01:50,360
I can't do anything dishonest
until 8:15 tonight!
950
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:53,200
Listen, you bastard! I want my money!
951
01:01:53,360 --> 01:01:56,570
I am not going to end up
a 31-year-old divorcée on welfare
952
01:01:56,660 --> 01:02:00,240
because my scumbag attorney
had a sudden attack of conscience!
953
01:02:01,540 --> 01:02:02,960
Thirty-one?
954
01:02:03,160 --> 01:02:05,870
If Mr. Reede has no further witnesses,
955
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:09,090
then I have no choice
but to rule in favor of...
956
01:02:09,170 --> 01:02:10,590
Your Honor!
957
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:15,510
I call Samantha Cole to the stand.
958
01:02:15,550 --> 01:02:17,760
(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
959
01:02:18,220 --> 01:02:19,430
Order.
960
01:02:20,180 --> 01:02:21,390
Order!
961
01:02:22,810 --> 01:02:25,470
-Knock it off!
-Sit down!
962
01:02:27,270 --> 01:02:29,850
Mr. Reede,
it is out of sheer morbid curiosity
963
01:02:29,940 --> 01:02:32,650
I'm allowing this freak show to continue.
964
01:02:35,570 --> 01:02:38,530
Mrs. Cole. If you dare.
965
01:02:54,210 --> 01:02:55,670
Mrs. Cole,
966
01:02:56,920 --> 01:03:00,550
is this a copy of your driver's license?
967
01:03:02,340 --> 01:03:05,300
-Yes.
-It says here you're a blonde. Are you?
968
01:03:05,380 --> 01:03:06,390
(SCOFFS)
969
01:03:06,470 --> 01:03:08,850
If you don't remember, perhaps Mr. Falk will.
970
01:03:08,930 --> 01:03:11,390
-SAMANTHA: Brunette.
-Maybe it's on the tape.
971
01:03:11,470 --> 01:03:13,060
I'm a brunette!
972
01:03:14,430 --> 01:03:16,480
Thank you. Now, let's see.
973
01:03:16,900 --> 01:03:20,650
"Weight: 105"? Yeah! In your bra.
974
01:03:20,770 --> 01:03:22,690
-I object!
-You would!
975
01:03:22,780 --> 01:03:23,860
-Bastard!
-Hag!
976
01:03:23,940 --> 01:03:26,490
Quiet! Overruled! Weight?
977
01:03:28,650 --> 01:03:30,160
One-eighteen.
978
01:03:30,740 --> 01:03:33,700
All right, fine. I'm 127.
979
01:03:33,790 --> 01:03:36,950
Uh-huh! And it says here
you were born in 1964,
980
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:39,210
but that's not true either, is it?
981
01:03:39,290 --> 01:03:40,710
-Is it?
-No.
982
01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:45,210
Tell me what it says here on
your birth certificate under "Date of Birth."
983
01:03:45,290 --> 01:03:47,840
I object.
What does this have to do with anything?
984
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:50,840
Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
985
01:03:50,930 --> 01:03:52,260
(EXHALING)
986
01:03:52,300 --> 01:03:54,090
"1965."
987
01:03:55,180 --> 01:03:57,470
Now let me get this straight.
988
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:02,310
That would mean that you lied
about your age to make yourself older.
989
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:06,860
But why would any woman want to do that?
990
01:04:07,150 --> 01:04:09,650
I changed it so I could get married.
991
01:04:09,730 --> 01:04:14,530
And the truth shall set you free!
992
01:04:14,950 --> 01:04:17,070
My client lied about her age!
993
01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:20,530
She was only 17 when she got married,
which makes her a minor,
994
01:04:20,620 --> 01:04:22,410
and in the great state of California,
995
01:04:22,490 --> 01:04:24,960
no minor can enter into any legal contract
996
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,670
without parental consent, including...
997
01:04:27,750 --> 01:04:29,210
Prenuptial agreements.
998
01:04:29,290 --> 01:04:32,750
Prenuptial agreements!
This contract is void!
999
01:04:32,840 --> 01:04:36,460
So what if my client has been ridden
more than Seattle Slew?
1000
01:04:36,550 --> 01:04:40,430
Community property applies.
She gets half of the marital assets
1001
01:04:40,510 --> 01:04:43,350
or $11.395 million!
1002
01:04:43,430 --> 01:04:47,520
Jordan fades back. And that's the game!
1003
01:04:47,890 --> 01:04:50,140
Nothing further, Your Honor.
1004
01:04:50,560 --> 01:04:52,520
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1005
01:04:56,110 --> 01:04:57,730
(GAVEL POUNDING)
1006
01:04:58,690 --> 01:05:01,610
Order. Order!
1007
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:06,370
In light of this new evidence,
1008
01:05:06,450 --> 01:05:08,950
the court must rule in favor of Mrs. Cole.
1009
01:05:09,040 --> 01:05:12,160
She is hereby awarded
half the marital assets.
1010
01:05:12,910 --> 01:05:14,330
(EXCLAIMS)
1011
01:05:14,370 --> 01:05:16,880
The son of a bitch pulled it off!
1012
01:05:17,040 --> 01:05:20,800
-I didn't know!
-DANA: It doesn't matter. The contract's void.
1013
01:05:21,420 --> 01:05:25,800
JUDGE STEVENS: Order. Order.
(POUNDING GAVEL)
1014
01:05:25,930 --> 01:05:29,390
I understand both parties
have agreed to joint custody.
1015
01:05:29,470 --> 01:05:31,010
-Is that correct?
-Yes.
1016
01:05:31,100 --> 01:05:32,430
-Yes.
-No.
1017
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:34,520
I'm contesting custody.
1018
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:37,060
-What?
-If I get sole custody of the kids,
1019
01:05:37,140 --> 01:05:39,650
that's another $10,000
in child support payments.
1020
01:05:39,770 --> 01:05:41,560
You just won $11 million!
1021
01:05:41,650 --> 01:05:44,480
Hey, I'm the victim here.
You said it yourself.
1022
01:05:44,690 --> 01:05:47,320
Now I'm gonna hit him where it hurts.
1023
01:05:50,450 --> 01:05:52,990
(SOFTLY) But you said he was a good father.
1024
01:05:53,280 --> 01:05:54,370
So?
1025
01:05:57,120 --> 01:06:02,120
Mr. Reede, do we have an agreement
on custody or not?
1026
01:06:05,380 --> 01:06:06,460
No.
1027
01:06:07,630 --> 01:06:08,840
I see.
1028
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:14,930
In that case, there will be a custody hearing
on the 19th at 9:00 a.m.
1029
01:06:15,220 --> 01:06:17,510
Court is adjourned.
1030
01:06:17,790 --> 01:06:20,840
(MURMURING, CHATTERING)
1031
01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:26,270
-Come on, let's go.
-Daddy!
1032
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:29,310
Stop whining,
or I'll give you something to whine about!
1033
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:31,320
BILLY: I want to go with Daddy!
1034
01:06:31,570 --> 01:06:34,860
Come here, kids.
It's all right. Don't you worry.
1035
01:06:34,940 --> 01:06:38,110
I promise we'll be together,
whatever I have to do.
1036
01:06:38,410 --> 01:06:39,780
It's okay.
1037
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:43,280
For God's sake, will you give me those?
They're mine!
1038
01:06:43,410 --> 01:06:45,080
Let go of Daddy!
1039
01:06:46,080 --> 01:06:49,000
We're leaving now! Lupe, come on!
1040
01:06:49,620 --> 01:06:53,840
Don't you have some checks to write?
You haven't paid for them yet.
1041
01:07:05,930 --> 01:07:08,600
(LAUGHING) I love children.
1042
01:07:08,770 --> 01:07:11,520
They give you so much leverage
in a case like this.
1043
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:14,690
You did an incredible job, partner.
1044
01:07:17,210 --> 01:07:21,150
(LAUGHING) Look at him.
He's stunned. He can't believe it.
1045
01:07:23,860 --> 01:07:26,870
Your Honor,
may I please approach the bench?
1046
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,030
We're adjourned, Mr. Reede.
1047
01:07:29,120 --> 01:07:32,370
I think we've made a big mistake.
1048
01:07:32,660 --> 01:07:35,080
Mr. Reede, I am tired and very cranky.
1049
01:07:35,660 --> 01:07:38,670
I know, but this is just wrong, isn't it?
1050
01:07:39,420 --> 01:07:41,500
I manipulated the system.
1051
01:07:41,630 --> 01:07:45,210
Just because you bought it
doesn't mean I'm right. It's a technicality!
1052
01:07:45,420 --> 01:07:48,550
Young man, having my judgment
mocked in my own court
1053
01:07:48,630 --> 01:07:50,970
is not something I'm prepared to tolerate!
1054
01:07:51,340 --> 01:07:55,520
Tell that to the kids
when they're adopted by the Manson family!
1055
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:59,640
One more word out of you, Mr. Reede,
and I'll hold you in contempt!
1056
01:07:59,730 --> 01:08:02,810
I hold myself in contempt!
1057
01:08:03,020 --> 01:08:04,980
Why should you be any different?
1058
01:08:05,070 --> 01:08:06,610
Bailiff, take him away!
1059
01:08:06,690 --> 01:08:10,200
This man is a good father,
and children are not leverage!
1060
01:08:10,320 --> 01:08:14,530
No, don't do this!
I have a date to play ball with my son!
1061
01:08:14,700 --> 01:08:17,950
I can't be late! It's my last chance!
1062
01:08:18,040 --> 01:08:20,330
I'm Jose Canseco!
1063
01:08:20,410 --> 01:08:24,000
I'm Jose Canseco!
1064
01:08:27,670 --> 01:08:29,840
Phone call!
1065
01:08:29,920 --> 01:08:31,710
I get a phone call!
1066
01:08:31,800 --> 01:08:33,550
I get a phone call!
1067
01:08:34,010 --> 01:08:35,590
(PHONE RINGING)
1068
01:08:36,340 --> 01:08:39,350
-Hello?
-Audrey, it's me. Don't hang up!
1069
01:08:39,470 --> 01:08:42,470
I can't talk right now.
Our flight leaves at 8:00.
1070
01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:46,310
I'm taking Max someplace
where you can't do this to him anymore.
1071
01:08:46,390 --> 01:08:49,020
Wait! The most amazing thing
has happened to me.
1072
01:08:49,100 --> 01:08:53,480
I'm a changed man! Just come
to the courthouse with $1,000 for my bail.
1073
01:08:53,870 --> 01:08:54,848
(SIGHS)
1074
01:08:55,320 --> 01:08:56,650
Hello? Hello?
1075
01:08:57,240 --> 01:08:59,306
-Time's up, pal.
-No, just one more call.
1076
01:08:59,910 --> 01:09:03,850
(GROANING)
1077
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:06,040
AUDREY: Okay. Let's go.
1078
01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:09,330
Ready?
1079
01:09:09,870 --> 01:09:12,210
Will you get the door, please?
1080
01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:14,420
Thank you.
1081
01:09:15,380 --> 01:09:18,510
Mr. Reede, you made bail.
1082
01:09:19,300 --> 01:09:21,880
Greta! Thank God!
1083
01:09:22,180 --> 01:09:24,880
Am I too late?
Have you been sexually molested yet?
1084
01:09:24,970 --> 01:09:27,390
Because I could circle the block.
1085
01:09:29,220 --> 01:09:30,770
FLETCHER: How did you know I was here?
1086
01:09:30,850 --> 01:09:33,180
One of the other secretaries
called me at home,
1087
01:09:33,270 --> 01:09:35,520
said you went all noble in front of Mr. Allan.
1088
01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:37,690
I think I'm fired. Isn't that great?
1089
01:09:37,770 --> 01:09:40,230
Maybe I'll start my own firm.
Do you need a job?
1090
01:09:40,320 --> 01:09:42,690
I don't think you can afford me.
1091
01:09:42,910 --> 01:09:45,920
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1092
01:09:46,780 --> 01:09:49,700
I have to get my car.
Audrey's on her way to the airport.
1093
01:09:49,780 --> 01:09:53,490
I could lose Max forever.
I can't let that happen. I love him!
1094
01:09:53,660 --> 01:09:55,710
This truth stuff is pretty cool.
1095
01:09:55,790 --> 01:09:59,920
I love my son! I love my son!
1096
01:10:00,380 --> 01:10:01,920
I love my son!
1097
01:10:05,250 --> 01:10:07,840
Need some change? Take everything!
1098
01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:11,680
But it's not gonna make you happy.
1099
01:10:11,710 --> 01:10:14,650
-(MUTTERING)
-I love my son!
1100
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:19,480
I love my son!
1101
01:10:21,440 --> 01:10:23,230
-There you are!
-Hi.
1102
01:10:23,310 --> 01:10:25,190
Just in time.
1103
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:28,360
This is the happiest moment
of my entire life.
1104
01:10:28,690 --> 01:10:29,780
Oh!
1105
01:10:30,280 --> 01:10:31,860
Well, mine...
1106
01:10:31,940 --> 01:10:34,530
Well, ours also.
1107
01:10:35,030 --> 01:10:38,330
Hey, Gipper.
I have something for you, young man.
1108
01:10:39,530 --> 01:10:41,910
Watch yourself. It's the Claw!
1109
01:10:42,940 --> 01:10:45,500
(LAUGHS)
Ooh, the claw's comin' at ya.
1110
01:10:45,620 --> 01:10:48,920
You're scared of the Claw.
1111
01:10:50,130 --> 01:10:51,340
AUDREY: Jerry.
1112
01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:54,760
It's okay. You don't have to...
1113
01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:58,090
WOMAN ON PA: Tower Air flight 1511
to Boston is now boarding.
1114
01:10:58,680 --> 01:11:00,050
That's us.
1115
01:11:00,390 --> 01:11:03,100
-Ready to go?
-Yes. You ready?
1116
01:11:04,100 --> 01:11:05,100
Great.
1117
01:11:05,930 --> 01:11:07,920
WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER: Jim Rubing,
please report to Airport Security.
1118
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:11,900
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1119
01:11:13,900 --> 01:11:15,270
Excuse me!
1120
01:11:15,780 --> 01:11:18,820
What gate is flight 1511 leaving from?
It's an emergency!
1121
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:22,320
Gate number 123. You'll never make it.
The flight's already boarding.
1122
01:11:22,410 --> 01:11:24,830
It takes a half-hour to get through security.
1123
01:11:24,890 --> 01:11:25,938
If you want to go to Boston,
1124
01:11:26,021 --> 01:11:28,291
there's another flight leaving
tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m.
1125
01:11:28,330 --> 01:11:30,450
Flight number one-twenty...
1126
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:36,170
FLIGHT ATTENDANT ON PA:
Welcome aboard flight 1511
1127
01:11:36,250 --> 01:11:38,460
from Los Angeles
to Boston's Logan Airport.
1128
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:41,090
We'll be departing shortly...
1129
01:11:42,170 --> 01:11:44,680
-Honey, can I help you?
-I'm fine.
1130
01:11:45,180 --> 01:11:48,100
-Are you sure?
-Jerry, I can open the bag!
1131
01:11:49,930 --> 01:11:52,350
Would you like anything
to drink before takeoff?
1132
01:11:52,430 --> 01:11:55,020
Yes. Anything with alcohol, please.
1133
01:11:55,770 --> 01:11:57,020
Audrey.
1134
01:11:58,800 --> 01:12:01,880
STEWARDESS: If you'll focus on the screen,
we'll be running a safety video.
1135
01:12:02,190 --> 01:12:04,070
How about that drink?
1136
01:12:10,920 --> 01:12:12,980
(GRUNTING)
1137
01:12:26,380 --> 01:12:27,920
Max!
1138
01:12:34,340 --> 01:12:36,140
Wait!
1139
01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:43,920
(GRUNTS)
That oughta do it.
1140
01:12:47,610 --> 01:12:49,860
Thanks! It's running great!
1141
01:12:49,990 --> 01:12:52,960
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1142
01:12:58,450 --> 01:13:00,240
(FLETCHER SCREAMING)
1143
01:13:17,550 --> 01:13:19,680
Max! I'm coming!
1144
01:13:34,730 --> 01:13:36,150
(INAUDIBLE)
1145
01:13:41,740 --> 01:13:44,990
Max, where are you?
1146
01:13:50,410 --> 01:13:51,830
I love you.
1147
01:13:51,960 --> 01:13:54,480
(GASPS)
1148
01:13:54,540 --> 01:13:56,550
Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT)
1149
01:13:57,290 --> 01:13:59,820
That wasn't exactly the answer
I was looking for.
1150
01:13:59,903 --> 01:14:02,413
(SIGHS)
Thank you very much?
1151
01:14:07,090 --> 01:14:10,050
-I'm sorry. It's just...
-Too fast?
1152
01:14:10,140 --> 01:14:12,310
-It was too fast, wasn't it?
-No, it's...
1153
01:14:12,560 --> 01:14:14,640
Chemistry?
Whatever it is, we can work on it.
1154
01:14:14,730 --> 01:14:19,150
-No. It's just that...
-My God, it's Fletcher!
1155
01:14:19,310 --> 01:14:22,820
-No, this has nothing to do with him.
-It's Fletcher.
1156
01:14:22,980 --> 01:14:26,240
-What? (GASPS)
-Dad?
1157
01:14:26,320 --> 01:14:27,650
(INAUDIBLE)
1158
01:14:27,820 --> 01:14:31,280
I made it! I'm late, but I made it!
1159
01:14:32,660 --> 01:14:34,410
What is he doing?
1160
01:14:34,740 --> 01:14:36,990
He came to see us off. Wave.
1161
01:14:39,330 --> 01:14:40,750
(INAUDIBLE)
1162
01:14:41,790 --> 01:14:43,960
I won't let you go!
1163
01:14:52,180 --> 01:14:53,340
Shit!
1164
01:14:54,960 --> 01:14:57,980
♪ Da-da-da-da
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da ♪♪
1165
01:14:59,010 --> 01:15:02,770
Control 19, this is Tower 1511 heavy,
ready for takeoff.
1166
01:15:02,890 --> 01:15:04,310
(SCREAMING)
1167
01:15:10,270 --> 01:15:12,530
-What was that?
-Looked like a shoe.
1168
01:15:13,190 --> 01:15:14,530
Pull over!
1169
01:15:15,150 --> 01:15:17,820
Pull this thing over!
1170
01:15:17,860 --> 01:15:21,870
Control 19, some idiot has hijacked
a flight of stairs. We're stopping this plane.
1171
01:15:21,950 --> 01:15:25,910
MAN ON RADIO:
One-nine Control. We copy.
1172
01:15:26,870 --> 01:15:28,040
Yeah!
1173
01:15:52,560 --> 01:15:54,020
(SCREAMS)
1174
01:15:56,040 --> 01:15:59,980
(JET TAKING OFF)
1175
01:16:02,400 --> 01:16:03,950
(SIRENS WAILING)
1176
01:16:08,020 --> 01:16:09,947
(GRUNTING)
1177
01:16:10,030 --> 01:16:12,500
You people are all doing a wonderful job!
1178
01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:14,710
That's far enough, folks.
1179
01:16:14,750 --> 01:16:17,250
He's my husband... Was my husband.
1180
01:16:17,710 --> 01:16:19,330
All right, go ahead.
1181
01:16:19,420 --> 01:16:22,550
Stay here with Jerry, and I'll be right back.
1182
01:16:23,070 --> 01:16:25,891
-(SIRENS WAILING)
-(CHATTERING)
1183
01:16:25,974 --> 01:16:27,050
-Audrey!
-Fletcher!
1184
01:16:27,090 --> 01:16:28,260
Great news!
1185
01:16:28,680 --> 01:16:31,930
Both my legs are broken,
so they can't take me right to jail.
1186
01:16:32,010 --> 01:16:34,600
What were you doing? Are you crazy?
1187
01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:39,270
No, I'm thinking clear.
I've never been this clear!
1188
01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:42,730
-Dad?
-Creep.
1189
01:16:43,940 --> 01:16:47,280
-He was getting kind of upset.
-Are you all right?
1190
01:16:49,280 --> 01:16:51,450
I'm hurting here, though.
1191
01:16:51,900 --> 01:16:53,570
I'm a dope, Max.
1192
01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:56,200
All this time, you've been here,
1193
01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:58,950
and I could see you anytime, but I didn't.
1194
01:16:59,950 --> 01:17:03,920
Then your mom told me you were moving
to Boston, and I started thinking.
1195
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:06,630
I could be sitting around sometime and
1196
01:17:06,960 --> 01:17:10,800
want to look at you
and hold you and play with you,
1197
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:13,920
and I won't be able to.
1198
01:17:15,470 --> 01:17:18,640
I don't think
I'm gonna do too well with that.
1199
01:17:19,640 --> 01:17:23,100
I love you more than anything else
in the world, Max,
1200
01:17:23,140 --> 01:17:25,140
and you know it's true.
1201
01:17:25,770 --> 01:17:28,810
I couldn't say it if it wasn't true. Not today.
1202
01:17:30,810 --> 01:17:35,320
I love you, and I'll never hurt you again.
1203
01:17:39,820 --> 01:17:42,660
He's telling the truth, Mom.
He's not allowed to lie.
1204
01:17:42,740 --> 01:17:46,500
I made a wish, and anything Dad says today
has to be the truth.
1205
01:17:46,580 --> 01:17:47,660
Max.
1206
01:17:49,670 --> 01:17:51,080
It's 8:45.
1207
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:54,130
You made the wish at 8:15.
1208
01:17:54,460 --> 01:17:57,340
I've been able to lie for the last half-hour.
1209
01:17:57,960 --> 01:18:00,760
-So you weren't...
-No, it was the truth!
1210
01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:04,840
I just wanted to be honest with you.
I always want to be honest with you.
1211
01:18:10,970 --> 01:18:12,350
Mom...
1212
01:18:13,020 --> 01:18:15,190
Do we have to go to Boston?
1213
01:18:20,530 --> 01:18:22,650
No, Max, you don't have to go.
1214
01:18:23,070 --> 01:18:26,020
-Yeah!
-(LAUGHING)
1215
01:18:26,660 --> 01:18:28,530
I, on the other hand, do have to.
1216
01:18:29,530 --> 01:18:31,280
A hospital to run.
1217
01:18:32,870 --> 01:18:35,790
That's an open-ended ticket
if you ever change your mind.
1218
01:18:36,370 --> 01:18:37,710
Thank you.
1219
01:18:41,670 --> 01:18:43,670
(FLETCHER LAUGHING)
1220
01:18:43,710 --> 01:18:46,340
Looks like he's got his father back.
1221
01:18:47,080 --> 01:18:51,020
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
1222
01:18:53,310 --> 01:18:59,152
{\an8}BOTH: ♪ Happy birthday, dear Maximus ♪
1223
01:18:59,235 --> 01:19:03,650
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1224
01:19:05,520 --> 01:19:07,230
Max, make a wish.
1225
01:19:07,570 --> 01:19:08,860
(EXCLAIMING)
1226
01:19:08,900 --> 01:19:11,490
Wait! I don't know if we should do this.
1227
01:19:11,570 --> 01:19:15,570
Oh, Fletcher, come on.
What are the odds of that happening again?
1228
01:19:17,530 --> 01:19:19,410
I guess you're right.
1229
01:19:19,910 --> 01:19:21,500
Max, go ahead.
1230
01:19:29,250 --> 01:19:30,670
MAX: Mom? Dad?
1231
01:19:47,270 --> 01:19:48,940
Max!
1232
01:19:52,610 --> 01:19:55,780
Did you wish for your mom and I
to get back together again?
1233
01:19:56,030 --> 01:19:58,360
No, I wished for Rollerblades.
1234
01:20:02,200 --> 01:20:04,530
Do you want to cut the cake...
1235
01:20:06,790 --> 01:20:07,910
Dad?
1236
01:20:08,120 --> 01:20:09,620
I'd love to.
1237
01:20:10,710 --> 01:20:13,040
But I have this horrible pain in my arm.
1238
01:20:13,120 --> 01:20:14,790
No, it's the Claw!
1239
01:20:14,880 --> 01:20:17,210
No one can stop the Claw!
1240
01:20:17,290 --> 01:20:18,630
(GROWLING)
1241
01:20:18,710 --> 01:20:21,425
-(SCREAMING)
-No one can stop it!
1242
01:20:21,760 --> 01:20:24,800
(MAX AND AUDREY SHOUTING)
1243
01:20:27,640 --> 01:20:30,470
Nothing can stop the Claw!
1244
01:20:31,700 --> 01:20:34,670
(GROWLING)
1245
01:20:39,270 --> 01:20:41,110
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
1246
01:20:46,110 --> 01:20:47,820
(ALL LAUGHING)
1247
01:20:53,330 --> 01:20:57,750
{\an8}If I was a boxer, I would bounce
those things like Sugar Ray Leonard.
1248
01:20:57,830 --> 01:20:58,830
{\an8}I'm sorry.
1249
01:20:58,910 --> 01:21:00,460
{\an8}(ALL LAUGHING)
1250
01:21:01,500 --> 01:21:03,340
{\an8}You brought your kids to your divorce?
1251
01:21:03,460 --> 01:21:05,340
{\an8}-Sympathy.
-It's working!
1252
01:21:05,420 --> 01:21:07,760
{\an8}I feel sorry for them already.
1253
01:21:08,260 --> 01:21:11,010
{\an8}For this you will pay a terrible price.
1254
01:21:11,510 --> 01:21:13,340
{\an8}(ALL LAUGHING)
1255
01:21:14,340 --> 01:21:16,970
{\an8}It's working!
I feel sorry for them already.
1256
01:21:19,350 --> 01:21:21,390
{\an8}(WATER POURING)
1257
01:21:26,940 --> 01:21:28,650
{\an8}(SIGHS IN CONTENT)
1258
01:21:28,690 --> 01:21:30,400
{\an8}(ALL LAUGH)
1259
01:21:30,480 --> 01:21:31,940
{\an8}Mrs. Cole...
1260
01:21:45,540 --> 01:21:46,830
{\an8}A goose!
1261
01:21:46,870 --> 01:21:48,370
{\an8}(ALL LAUGHING)
1262
01:21:50,460 --> 01:21:51,540
{\an8}Including...
1263
01:21:51,630 --> 01:21:53,380
{\an8}Prenuptial agreements.
1264
01:21:53,500 --> 01:21:56,670
{\an8}♪ Prenuptial agreements ♪
1265
01:21:59,720 --> 01:22:01,220
{\an8}(ALL LAUGHING)
1266
01:22:03,310 --> 01:22:05,850
{\an8}No! I'd have got him $10,000.
1267
01:22:06,390 --> 01:22:07,640
{\an8}GRETA: Good-bye, Mr. Reede.
1268
01:22:07,730 --> 01:22:10,230
{\an8}No! Wait!
(STUTTERING) I didn't understand...
1269
01:22:10,480 --> 01:22:11,980
{\an8}(SPLUTTERING)
1270
01:22:14,400 --> 01:22:15,900
{\an8}(ALL LAUGHING)
1271
01:22:20,900 --> 01:22:22,990
{\an8}(SQUEALING)
1272
01:22:34,710 --> 01:22:35,710
{\an8}Oh, shit.
1273
01:22:35,750 --> 01:22:37,250
{\an8}(ALL LAUGHING)
1274
01:22:38,590 --> 01:22:42,420
{\an8}Now, let's see. "Weight: 105"?
1275
01:22:43,550 --> 01:22:44,680
{\an8}In your bra.
1276
01:22:44,760 --> 01:22:46,590
{\an8}-Your Honor, I object!
-You would!
1277
01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:48,550
{\an8}-Overactor!
-Jezebel!
1278
01:22:48,590 --> 01:22:50,100
{\an8}(ALL LAUGHING)
1279
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:54,267
{\an8}(APPLAUSE)
1280
01:22:54,350 --> 01:22:57,060
{\an8}He put me up to it. Tom Shadyac.
1281
01:22:58,600 --> 01:23:01,360
{\an8}Yeah, sure he did.
(LAUGHING)
1282
01:23:02,910 --> 01:23:05,530
Oh, no. They're onto me.
1283
01:23:05,860 --> 01:23:07,870
(ALL LAUGHING)
95745
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tatar
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof