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1
00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:05,657
Alan!
2
00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:06,919
I have to meet Larry for dinner.
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,225
Are you ready yet?
4
00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:11,446
ALAN:
The question is: are you?
5
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,759
[muffled]:
Happy anniversary, baby.
6
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,283
What?
7
00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,552
Six months ago today,
8
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,032
we cheated on Larry
for the first time.
9
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:35,252
So, to commemorate the occasion,
10
00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,907
you donned the traditional
balloon underpants?
11
00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:39,343
Exactly.
12
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:42,781
I have a "heart-on"
for you.
13
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,436
Charming.
14
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,221
Yeah, I was gonna get you
a dozen roses,
15
00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:48,874
but I-I thought
the balloons were cuter.
16
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,093
Cheaper.
17
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,704
Six of one, half off the other.
18
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,142
I'm not sure this is something
we should be celebrating.
19
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:57,840
Come on, you have loved
every chapter
20
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,885
in our book of forbidden trysts.
21
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,018
That magical night in the
handicapped stall at Chili's.
22
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,936
The time we put a scare into
that field trip of sixth graders
23
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:08,068
at the planetarium
when they saw Uranus.
24
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:17,381
That weekend that
Larry went back east
25
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,253
and we went "down south."
26
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:22,169
Alan... I don't have
time for this.
27
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,432
Well, then open your present.
28
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:27,870
Spoiler alert: it's my penis
and two of his friends.
29
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,655
And you can't return it
if it's the wrong size.
30
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:33,354
As fun as all this is,
I only have about ten minutes
31
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:36,008
before I have to go meet Larry,
so we got to make this quick.
32
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,575
Ooh, my specialty.
33
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:40,056
First, I'm getting
rid of these balloons.
34
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,887
Oh. Oh.
35
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:47,498
I-I should've had you
blow them up.
36
00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:50,022
[high-pitched]:
I know what you like, baby.
37
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,851
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
38
00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:55,593
♪ Ah. ♪♪ Men. ♪
39
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:02,470
Hey, bitches.
40
00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:05,386
Hey.
Hey.
41
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,865
What are you guys up to tonight?
42
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,258
Oh, dinner and game night.
43
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:10,173
My ex-wife and I
used to do that.
44
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:13,307
Our favorite game was Life,
until she ruined mine.
45
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,744
Yeah, we're more fans of
Monopoly, Backgammon...
46
00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:17,659
Hungry Hungry Lesbos.
47
00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:20,227
It's like Hungry Hungry Hippos,
but we don't eat balls.
48
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:25,362
How do you know
when you've won that game?
49
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:27,190
Trust me, you know.
50
00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:28,148
Hey, something smells good.
51
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:30,715
Yeah, we play that, too.
52
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:34,023
Hey, you guys want to
join us for dinner?
53
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,285
Oh, no, I can't.
I'm going to the movies.
54
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,548
Oh, Alan, you
want to join?
55
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,160
Is it a porn movie?
56
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:45,513
Why would I invite a guy
to watch a porn in a theater?
57
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,254
So nobody weird
sits next to you.
58
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:52,476
Well, going with you
wouldn't solve that problem.
59
00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,609
Fine. Go watch
your porn by yourself.
60
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,611
I'm not watching a porn!
61
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,178
Uh-huh. And I don't
use your bathroom to poop.
62
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,007
Look, I can't go anyway,
'cause I'm having a drink
63
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:03,357
with my girlfriend's boyfriend.
64
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,620
Why don't you poop
in his toilet?
65
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,143
You're already
banging his girlfriend.
66
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,191
You got a flat tire.I got a what?
67
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:14,455
I noticed it when I was
getting out of your car.
68
00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,718
Why were you in my car?
69
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,154
Taking a nap.
70
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,852
Why were you
taking a nap in my car?
71
00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,159
I was getting high,
and I just went to sleep.
72
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:26,162
Why were you
getting high in my car?!
73
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:30,558
Because you hide
your pot in the car!
74
00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:33,865
Geez! Which one of us
is high, you or me?
75
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:40,872
[groans]
Great.
76
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:42,526
Either of you guys
got Triple-A?
77
00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:46,313
You don't need Triple-A
when you got double D's.
78
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,271
Why don't you just
change it yourself?
79
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:50,186
Eh, sounds like
a lot of work.
80
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,971
I'll just buy a new car.
81
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,713
Or you could use
the spare tire and jack.
82
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:56,148
Oh, there's nothing in there.
83
00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:02,154
Whoa... there's a trunk
under the trunk!
84
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,983
Somebody's never smuggled
anything out of Mexico.
85
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,638
Here, uh, you grab the spare,
I'll loosen the lug nuts.
86
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,597
Wow, you really know
what you're doing.
87
00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:11,251
Yeah.
88
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,253
Well, I had a boyfriend
who was a mechanic.
89
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,603
WALDEN and JENNY:
A boyfriend?
90
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:18,170
Yeah. Well, I went through
a phase where I dated guys.
91
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,259
Huh, I thought
you were a goldstar.
92
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,826
What's a "gold star"?
93
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:24,655
It's a lesbian term for someone
who's never been with a guy.
94
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:28,093
Hey, I'm a gold star.
95
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,139
Wait a second,
what about that story
96
00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,924
about you skinny-dipping
at Boy Scout camp?
97
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,361
Well, I was drowning.
98
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,188
I had to grab ahold
of something.
99
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,929
Just happened to be Roger.
100
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:41,281
So, if you had met Walden
instead of me...
101
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,239
Oh, God, no.
[chuckles]
102
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,719
Wow, great.
103
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,242
I'm getting hypothetical
rejections now.
104
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:48,897
I'm sorry,
you're just not my type.
105
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,465
I was more into,
you know, "guy" guys.
106
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,815
I'm a "guy" guy.
107
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,469
Oh, please.
108
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,862
You made me come in your room
to kill a spider.
109
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,429
I'm allergic!
110
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,170
[chuckles]:
Look, it's not a big deal.
111
00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:02,954
Some guys fix things
and some guys
112
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,305
call the guys that fix things.
113
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,307
You know, right after
they watch Project Runway.
114
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,092
Oh, I didn't see it last night.
Don't tell me, don't tell me.
115
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,615
I rest my case.
116
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,008
You know what, I'll show you.
117
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,096
Here, give me that.
118
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,924
Okay.
119
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,622
Tell me I'm not a guy's guy.
120
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,146
I got "guy"
coming out of my ass.
121
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:24,411
Don't... [scoffs]
You know what I meant.
122
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,890
[groans]
123
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:27,805
God, these nuts
are hard to get off.
124
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,983
Oh, okay, I'll give you
that one. [laughs]
125
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,335
Hey, Jeff.
126
00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,380
Hey, there he is.
127
00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,208
The B-F-F of J-E-F-F.
128
00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:40,514
[both laugh]That's pretty good.
129
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,777
Did you just
come up with that?
130
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,387
What do you think,
I just sat here
131
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,346
jotting down rhymes
before you showed up?
132
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,914
I'll have a whiskey.
133
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,655
Oh, oh, we're doing
the hard stuff. Okay.
134
00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:54,789
I'll have three fingers
of crème de menthe.
135
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:57,400
Yeah, I've just been
kind of in a funk lately.
136
00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:58,401
What's going on?
137
00:05:58,488 --> 00:05:59,446
It's Lyndsey.
138
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,317
Mm, Lyndsey. Lyndsey.
139
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:02,666
I'm sorry, uh,
140
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,364
Lyndsey is...?My girlfriend.
141
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,236
Oh, yes, yes. You know,
I-I can never remember her name,
142
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,281
because, you know,
I never really knew her.
143
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,154
Doesn't matter.
Anyway, she dumped me.
144
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,155
She dumped you?!
145
00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:14,243
[laughs]:
Oh, my God!
146
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,724
Oh, my God.
147
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:19,857
I was so shocked,
my first reaction was wrong.
148
00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:22,730
Yeah, well, it's been
a really rough two weeks.
149
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,253
Wait, two weeks?
150
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,689
You-you guys have been
broken up for two weeks
151
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,517
and this is the first
I'm hearing about it?
152
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:28,779
Oh, I'm sorry, buddy.
I should have told you sooner.
153
00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:31,303
Well, someone
certainly should have.
154
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,610
Anyway, there is
one bright side:
155
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,264
at least now, you and I
are free to hang
156
00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,266
whenever we want.We couldn't before?
157
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,574
Well, I-I didn't really
want to tell you this, but...
158
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:41,357
Lyndsey didn't
like you very much.
159
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:44,578
She said that?
160
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,928
Yeah, she'd go on and on about
your hair and your clothes.
161
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,843
She even said you had
the worst taste in jewelry.
162
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,627
I don't know where she got that.
163
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:52,368
I mean, it's not like
you ever bought her jewelry.
164
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,370
That's true.
165
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:55,893
Although, if I had,
she wouldn't have noticed
166
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,330
unless I put it in
the bottom of her wine glass.
167
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,593
Women.
168
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,943
I know how to
kill this pain.
169
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,118
Bring me the bottle.
170
00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:04,336
Yeah, better make it two.
171
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,250
Ooh, and a little
whipped cream.
172
00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:07,514
[chuckles]
173
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,649
Oh, hey, Berta,
can I ask you a question?
174
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:13,650
Yeah.
175
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,478
I'm a man's man, right?
176
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:18,263
I thought that
when I first met you,
177
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,396
but then I found out
you were married to a woman.
178
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:24,226
No... no, I mean, like...
179
00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:25,270
like, I'm a guy who can...
180
00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:28,796
build things and...
181
00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:33,801
a guy who can get horses
out of mud and...
182
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:37,587
...who, if-if he gets stabbed,
he just rubs dirt in it.
183
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,111
You're talking about
a guy's guy?
184
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:42,853
One of those dudes, like,
in the boner pill commercials?
185
00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:44,028
Yeah, exactly.
186
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,466
Yeah.
You're not one of those.
187
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:47,945
What?
188
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,904
Well, you're more like
one of those guys
189
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:50,905
that gets a mani-pedi.
190
00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,950
Yeah, well, first of all,
191
00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:54,430
there is nothing wrong
with taking care of yourself.
192
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,563
And second of all,
193
00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,523
manicure has the word "man,"
like, right there in it.
194
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,786
Well, now, you calm down
manly man,
195
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,875
or you're gonna spill
your chamomile tea.
196
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:08,139
At least I'm the manliest man
in this house, right?
197
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:09,227
Um...
198
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,273
What?
199
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,927
Really? I'm under Alan?
200
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:16,017
Well, do you want
to be on top of him?
201
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,367
What did Jenny tell you?
202
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:20,456
I was drowning!
203
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,464
'Sup, ladies?
204
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:34,209
Hey, look who it is:
Bob the Builder.
205
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,473
Oh, yeah,
it's pretty manly, huh?
206
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:40,128
The only thing
manlier would be
207
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,783
if you were dressed
as the cop or the cowboy.
208
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:46,830
♪ Why... are you gay? ♪
209
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,791
Is this about
the flat tire?
210
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:51,922
'Cause you have
nothing to prove.
211
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,924
Oh, I ain't provin' nothin'.
212
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:55,360
Just being a guy.
213
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,145
Doin' what guys do,
fixin' things.
214
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,320
And do not expect me
215
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,756
to get in touch with my emotions
216
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:03,107
or ask for directions
anytime soon.
217
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,108
[spits]
218
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:06,763
Is that chewing tobacco?
219
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,287
Yes, it is.
220
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:11,115
And it tastes terrible.
221
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,466
And I'm feeling dizzy.
222
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,469
Wow, very impressive.
223
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,601
[laughs]
224
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:21,517
You ain't seen nothing yet.
225
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,084
That there's a laser.
226
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,347
Badass.
227
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:30,178
Gee, oh, this here table
is two degrees from being level.
228
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:32,528
I got this!
229
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:39,187
There we go,
job well done.
230
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:47,543
I'm gonna need my band saw.
231
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:49,066
You two clean this up.
232
00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:50,894
Ladies' work.
233
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,940
♪ Men.♪
234
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:56,334
All right, I'm lubricated.
235
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,641
Let's do this thing.
236
00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:01,644
So, uh, how was your dinner
with Larry the other night?
237
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:02,645
Fine.
238
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:03,646
Where did you go?
239
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:04,952
La Dolce.
240
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,301
What did you guys have?Salmon.
241
00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:07,781
Did Larry like it?
242
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:11,045
Okay, talking about
my boyfriend eating fish
243
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:13,874
is the world's worst foreplay.
244
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:16,354
Is he still eating
fish, Lyndsey?
245
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:21,446
Is he?
246
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:24,232
All right,
what's going on?
247
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:25,712
I'll tell you
what's going on.
248
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:26,887
Larry told me
you broke up with him.
249
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,366
Mm-hmm.
For the love of God,
250
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,541
you're still seeing Larry?!
251
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,848
As Jeff Strongman?
252
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:33,807
At least one of us
is faithful to him.
253
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:35,417
[scoffs]
254
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,984
Why didn't you tell me?
255
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:39,377
I didn't tell you because
I knew you'd just ask
256
00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:40,509
when you and I are
getting back together.
257
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,729
That's not true.
258
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,165
When are we getting
back together?
259
00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:45,688
Alan.
260
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,255
Oh, this is what
I've been waiting for
261
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,909
for the last six months.
262
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,606
We-we can finally be
together, honestly, openly.
263
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:53,043
I-I can prove to you
264
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,523
I'm the man that
you're supposed to be with.
265
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,090
I love you, Lyndsey.
266
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,831
Great. So you want
to get married?
267
00:10:57,918 --> 00:11:01,399
Whoa, whoa, marriage?
We just got back together.
268
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,097
You're just like Larry.
269
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,403
Neither one of you
are willing to commit.
270
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,754
I'm just saying that maybe, you
know, we should date a while.
271
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,625
I mean, let's be honest,
you are a bit of an adulterer.
272
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,195
This is why I've been
avoiding this conversation.
273
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,023
You don't want to get married,
274
00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,807
and I don't want to be with you
unless we do, so...
275
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,505
if that's the case, I don't know
what else to say, Alan.
276
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:22,507
[sighs]:
Except...
277
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,553
good-bye.
278
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,598
Wow. [laughs]
279
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,949
Okay.
280
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,779
Okay. I mean...
281
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:37,522
Just so you know,
when I walk out this door,
282
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,307
I am never coming back.
283
00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:42,614
This is the last you will see...
284
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,704
of Alan Harper.
285
00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:04,636
[door closes]
286
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,291
[knocking]
287
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,818
Breakup sex?
288
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:20,174
Oh!
289
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,089
♪ Men.♪
290
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:33,056
Hello.
291
00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:35,319
Oh. Sorry about that.
Am I in your way?
292
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,887
The only thing in myway
are those pants.
293
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,150
[chuckles]:
Oh, gee, sorry about that.
294
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,718
About the only crack around here
I ain't put caulk in.
295
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:45,416
[laughs]
296
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,071
All right.
297
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,464
Whoa! Look at that.
298
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,248
Good as new.
299
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,337
Hey, if there's anything around
here that needs fixin',
300
00:12:53,424 --> 00:12:55,209
I'll be the one fixin' it.
301
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,820
So if you see something that's
broke and bothering you,
302
00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:58,647
you just let me know.
303
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:01,476
[sighs]:
Hey.
304
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:05,393
I see something that's
broke and bothering me.
305
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,222
I'm not in the mood, Berta.
I just got dumped.
306
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:09,701
Oh. What happened?
307
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,529
Well, you know,
I confronted Lyndsey
308
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,271
about breaking up with Larry,
and it blew up in my face.
309
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:17,622
Alan, Alan, Alan.
310
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:21,757
You know, relationships
are a lot like woodworking.
311
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,890
There's a certain way
that things fit together,
312
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:28,068
and if you force it,
it splinters and falls apart.
313
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,853
But if you take your time,
follow instructions,
314
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,377
you build something
beautiful and solid,
315
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:34,901
something you can be proud of.
316
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,773
Like this here elegant
cedar birdhouse.
317
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,256
What does this have to do
with me and Lyndsey?
318
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,648
Nothing.
319
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,694
But how cool is it
I built this?
320
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,739
It's even got a guest room
for the Alan birds.
321
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,873
If you listen real close,
you can hear them.
322
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,702
Cheap, cheap.
323
00:13:57,401 --> 00:13:59,795
♪ ♪
324
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,754
[song ends]
325
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,495
Isn't this great?
326
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:07,629
What's cooler than going
to a strip club in the daytime?
327
00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:10,762
The girls aren't always hot,
but the mozzarella sticks are.
328
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,983
[groans]:
Uh... yeah.
329
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,724
You sound like me
two weeks ago.
330
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:18,248
I made that noise every time
I heard the name "Lyndsey."
331
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,120
[groans]
332
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:21,643
Yeah, that's it.
333
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:22,949
What's going on?
334
00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:24,907
To be honest, I, uh...
335
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,257
had a bit of a
breakup myself.
336
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,824
Oh, geez.
Mm.
337
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:29,825
And here I am whining
about myproblems.
338
00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,132
Eh.
I'm sorry, Jeff.
339
00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:33,785
If I have a flaw,
it's that sometimes
340
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,440
I'm not aware of things
that are going on around me.
341
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:40,444
It's actually one of the
things I like most about you.
342
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,229
So, what happened
between you and your girl?
343
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,100
Well, she wanted
to get married,
344
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,059
and I'm just not
sure I'm ready.
345
00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,539
No way! That's the same
reason I lost Lyndsey.
346
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:49,801
It's like we were
dating the same woman.
347
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,370
It's exactly like that.
348
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,720
So, do you miss her?Are you kidding?
349
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,592
I mean, she's the
only one for me.
350
00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:59,942
I mean, she's the one who
brings me up when I'm down...
351
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:03,250
Whoa. Hello, future
Mrs. Strongman.
352
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,382
So, what are you
afraid of?
353
00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:07,689
I don't know.
It's just such a big commitment.
354
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,430
Bottom line:
do you still love her?
355
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:10,822
Yes, I do.
356
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,912
Then you got to
get her back.
357
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,304
Don't make
the same mistake I did.
358
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:15,610
Yeah, maybe you're right.
359
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:16,916
I know I'm right.
Chances like this
360
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,700
only come along
once in a lifetime.
361
00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:20,354
I'm gonna do it, Larry.
362
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:21,921
I am gonna ask her to marry me.
363
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,227
That-a-boy! And when
things work out,
364
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:25,968
I'm gonna be the best man
at you and your girl's wedding.
365
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:31,321
Well... we'll cross that
bridge when we come to it.
366
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,149
Want a private
dance?
367
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,977
Oh, sorry, I can't.
I have a date with destiny.
368
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:38,154
Destiny's off today.
369
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,765
Oh, no, I-I meant, uh, uh...
Never mind.
370
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:43,029
Why don't you take my friend.
It's on me.
371
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:43,943
Oh, I only have a 20.
372
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,467
Uh, you know what?
373
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,730
I think seven's fair.
374
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,953
[machine buzzing]
375
00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:57,957
Walden?
376
00:15:58,044 --> 00:15:58,827
Oh, hey!
377
00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:01,395
Sorry, ladies!
378
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,527
[machine stops]Man at work!
379
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:05,268
Wh-What are you doing?
380
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:09,316
Well, it's a little technical
for the layperson.
381
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,970
What the hell, let me
walk you through it.
382
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:14,060
What I'm doing is
sanding and re-staining,
383
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:17,715
when I recognized some
dry rot and termite damage.
384
00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:18,890
And I thought to myself,
what the hell,
385
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,545
I got a couple hours--
386
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,853
why don't I just rebuild
this bad boy from scratch.
387
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:27,856
[giggles]
388
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:30,250
The bubbles tickle my nose.
389
00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:32,513
Okay, you know what? You got
to stop building things.
390
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,471
I was wrong--
you are so manly
391
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,778
that if I were straight, I'd
totally bang your brains out.
392
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:38,127
Well, of course you would,
sweetheart.
393
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,302
But I'd probably
sleep with you once
394
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,174
and then never call you again.
395
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,480
Hold still, please.
396
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,743
Yep, they're level.
[clears throat]
397
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,704
[machine starts]Ow!
398
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:50,966
Aah! Aah!
399
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:53,534
Mmm.
400
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,015
I'm just gonna rub some dirt
in it and keep going.
401
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,929
Walden! Hey...
402
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,106
What are you doing?
403
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,933
Oh, this? Well,
404
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,371
it's pretty technical
for the layperson.
405
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:05,850
What the hell, let me just...
406
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:07,548
No, doesn't matter,
doesn't matter.
407
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,463
Uh, I-I got big news.
408
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,553
I am gonna ask Lyndsey
to marry me.
409
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,684
Are you serious?
410
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,860
Yeah, I just have to get a ring.
411
00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,384
I got a ring you could have.
412
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,038
The one I proposed to Zoey with.
413
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,822
I don't know,
that ring didn't work.
414
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,171
Neither do you.
415
00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:23,955
[chuckles]:
Touché.
416
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,089
Well, I can't believe my
best friend's getting married.
417
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,135
All right, come on,
bring it in.
418
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:30,353
Man hug.
419
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,702
Oh. Oh. You smell.
420
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,878
Oh, yeah.
It's awesome, isn't it?
421
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,489
I haven't showered in two days.
422
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:38,013
That's what guys do--
we stank.
423
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,147
You smell good...
424
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,365
bitch.
425
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,026
Ladies love flowers.
426
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,376
Um...
427
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,085
Oh, hey, Jeff!
428
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,695
Why are you calling me Jeff?
429
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,871
You must be here to see
your friend Larry,
430
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,873
who is also here.
431
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,180
Jeff? What are you
doing here?
432
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:15,529
[laughs]:
Larry!
433
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:18,314
I-I just, uh, I
came by to-to...
434
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,577
yell at this one
over here
435
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:22,797
for breaking up with
my friend Larry.
436
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:25,495
Can you think of a better
reason for me to drop by?
437
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,976
'Cause I certainly can't.
438
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:30,109
Well, now that you're here, why
don't you have a drink with us.
439
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:33,024
Oh, I-I'm sure Jeff has
better places to be.
440
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,069
Work, nope.
Girlfriend, nope.
441
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:35,984
Taste in jewelry, nope.
442
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:38,726
Here you go.
443
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,423
Bottoms up, Lyndsey.
444
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:43,209
Not the first time
I've said thatto her.
445
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:44,601
[groans]
446
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,125
What's this?
447
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,604
A ring?
448
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,129
What's going on?
449
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:54,655
Yeah, what
isgoing on?
450
00:18:54,742 --> 00:18:57,397
Jeff helped me realize
I don't want to lose you.
451
00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:58,963
These last two weeks
452
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,791
have been the worst
in my life.
453
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:02,097
I don't want to spend
454
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:03,751
another minute without you.
455
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,100
Okay, I think
she's heard enough.
456
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,406
Let's go get some
wings. Come on.
457
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:07,755
Ooh, wings.
458
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,670
Just let me
wrap this up real quick.
459
00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:14,109
Lyndsey MacElroy,
you're my soul mate.
460
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:17,068
Will you marry me?
461
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,592
I can't believe
this is happening.
462
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,811
Yes, yes, I will marry you!
463
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:26,600
So, Jeff, how'd it go
with yourgirl?
464
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:27,514
Uh...
465
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,646
I was too late.
466
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,735
She's marrying someone else.
467
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,216
That was quick.
Wasn't it?
468
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:36,305
I'm sorry.
469
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,742
LARRY: You know what?
Forget her.
470
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:42,442
If she chose some jackass over
you, she's just a dumb whore.
471
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:46,097
Uh, she's-she's
actually really great.
472
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,447
No, she's not.
473
00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:50,667
She and her new man
are both garbage.
474
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:52,103
[groans]:
Uh...
475
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,540
♪ Men.♪
476
00:20:01,025 --> 00:20:02,853
Whoa, look at this.
477
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,160
That's right.
478
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,335
Hey, uh,
479
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,381
who has one and a half thumbs
480
00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:10,513
and built this deck
all by himself?
481
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,646
This guy.
482
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,343
Well, I'm impressed.
483
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:16,302
I would've had
to call a guy.
484
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:18,086
Well, then my phone
would've rang,
485
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,175
because I amthe guy.
486
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,438
Got to admit, I was
wrong about you.
487
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:25,702
That's all right.
We all make mistakes.
488
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:29,358
Oh! That's my spit cup.
489
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:32,579
This thing feels sturdy enough
for us to have sex on later.
490
00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:33,754
WALDEN:
Oh, it is.
491
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,234
But, uh, be careful,
492
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:36,974
'cause I just
stained her.
493
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:40,021
Well, if you hadn't,
we would have.
494
00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:45,418
Ah. Look at that.
495
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:48,769
Looks like somebody
needs a new roof.
496
00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:51,162
Luckily, I know a guy.
[chuckles]
497
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,252
[wood crackling]
498
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,218
Whoa. Walden?
499
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:05,133
WALDEN:
Call a guy!
500
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,700
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
501
00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:08,832
and TOYOTA.
502
00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:09,572
Captioned by
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