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1
00:00:06,656 --> 00:00:09,658
[Bart] Hey, everybody, look what we got.
2
00:00:09,694 --> 00:00:10,893
[Lisa]
A dog!
3
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:13,028
Something to share our love.
4
00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:14,763
And frighten prowlers.
5
00:00:14,799 --> 00:00:15,998
What's his name?
6
00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:17,633
Number Eight...
7
00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:20,869
I mean, Santa's Little Helper.
8
00:00:20,905 --> 00:00:22,805
Look at him.
9
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,840
He's just a Lil Mister.
10
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:26,975
I'm gonna love you
and smooch you
11
00:00:27,011 --> 00:00:28,977
and use you as a pillow.
12
00:00:29,013 --> 00:00:30,045
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
13
00:00:30,081 --> 00:00:31,980
And play with you
and ride you to school
14
00:00:32,016 --> 00:00:33,949
and sic you on my enemies.
15
00:00:33,984 --> 00:00:34,983
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
16
00:00:35,019 --> 00:00:36,652
And feed you healthy food
17
00:00:36,687 --> 00:00:38,687
and give you plenty of exercise
18
00:00:38,723 --> 00:00:41,857
and teach us all lessons
about responsibility.
19
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,893
Yeah!
20
00:00:44,929 --> 00:00:46,862
Absolutely, Marge.
21
00:00:46,897 --> 00:00:49,131
The whole family
will pitch in and...
22
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:51,867
Wha? Oh, my God!
It's your first Christmas.
23
00:00:51,902 --> 00:00:53,802
Here, boy,
have a gingerbread house.
24
00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:54,803
[sniffs]
25
00:00:56,841 --> 00:00:57,973
[laughter]
26
00:00:58,008 --> 00:00:59,675
[Homer, Bart and Lisa]
He loves it!
27
00:01:00,711 --> 00:01:02,711
[Marge]
Family meeting!
28
00:01:02,747 --> 00:01:05,013
Why is the dog
wearing a swim diaper?
29
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,984
It's too cold
to take him outside.
30
00:01:09,019 --> 00:01:10,886
And he loves it.
31
00:01:10,921 --> 00:01:11,987
[both belch]
32
00:01:12,022 --> 00:01:15,023
[Marge]
Family meeting.
33
00:01:15,059 --> 00:01:17,626
So now he's eating
at the table?
34
00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,963
He can't eat under the table
35
00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,799
because that's where
he threw up his waffles.
36
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:24,900
Watch this.
37
00:01:24,935 --> 00:01:25,901
Gobble-gobble!
38
00:01:28,038 --> 00:01:29,705
[laughs]
39
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:30,973
He loves it.
40
00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:35,778
[groans]
41
00:01:35,813 --> 00:01:37,846
Family meeting.
42
00:01:38,883 --> 00:01:40,015
Family?
43
00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:42,684
[Homer and kids laughing]
44
00:01:43,754 --> 00:01:44,920
[tires screech]
45
00:01:46,791 --> 00:01:49,792
Oh, it's Mom.
Back up, back up, back up!
46
00:01:49,827 --> 00:01:50,826
[tires screech]
47
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,761
[Homer, Bart and Lisa]
He loves it!
48
00:01:55,099 --> 00:01:57,065
Nothing calms me down
like making
49
00:01:57,101 --> 00:01:59,768
a fresh batch of ambrosia salad
50
00:01:59,804 --> 00:02:01,837
with plenty of grapes.
51
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,872
Oh, and a plunk of mayo
52
00:02:03,908 --> 00:02:05,741
to make my day-o.
53
00:02:07,111 --> 00:02:08,744
[gasps]
54
00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:09,912
No!
55
00:02:09,947 --> 00:02:11,079
No, no, no, no, no!
56
00:02:11,115 --> 00:02:12,915
Bad boy! [gasps]
57
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,783
Wait. Alexa,
58
00:02:14,819 --> 00:02:17,085
are grapes toxic to dogs?
59
00:02:17,121 --> 00:02:19,688
[Alexa]
What the hell did you do, lady?
60
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,923
[yelps]
61
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,661
You got to help my dog.
62
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,830
Take a number, we'll be
with you as soon as possible.
63
00:02:27,865 --> 00:02:30,032
But he ate a whole ambrosia.
64
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,867
With grapes.
65
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,670
What the hell did you do, lady?
Code Purple!
66
00:02:34,705 --> 00:02:35,737
[alarm blaring]
67
00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:37,706
Give me 30cc's of palastamin,
68
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,908
four heliostic probes,
and the most ultrarealistic,
69
00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:41,810
gory-looking
stomach pump we've got.
70
00:02:41,846 --> 00:02:43,812
Where's the nice mousy intern
who always maintains
71
00:02:43,848 --> 00:02:46,648
her youthful optimism
in the face of constant trauma?
72
00:02:46,684 --> 00:02:48,050
That would be me.
May I say--
73
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,885
Shut up.
We have a greyhound to save.
74
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,821
Who's a good boy?
You're a good boy.
75
00:02:52,857 --> 00:02:54,590
Cram that tube down his throat!
76
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,860
-Mrs. Simpson?
-Yes?
77
00:02:57,895 --> 00:02:59,928
I need you
to answer me honestly.
78
00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:02,631
How many grapes did you put
in that ambrosia?
79
00:03:02,666 --> 00:03:04,633
The recipe calls for two dozen.
80
00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:07,669
24? You gave him 24 grapes?
81
00:03:07,705 --> 00:03:09,872
But one rolled
under the refrigerator.
82
00:03:09,907 --> 00:03:11,640
Oh, thank God.
83
00:03:11,675 --> 00:03:12,975
Then we got 'em all.
84
00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:14,810
We got 'em all!
85
00:03:14,845 --> 00:03:16,044
[cheering]
86
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,814
Your pup
is going to be just fine.
87
00:03:18,849 --> 00:03:21,016
Oh, thank God.
88
00:03:21,051 --> 00:03:24,853
If you'll excuse me, I have
to go to a quiet room and cry
89
00:03:24,889 --> 00:03:26,755
because of what you did.
90
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,725
[sobbing]
91
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,861
Ambrosia!
92
00:03:32,897 --> 00:03:34,997
-There's my little mis... Ooh!
-[barks]
93
00:03:35,032 --> 00:03:36,665
-[panting]
-Hi, my name is Adrienne.
94
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,667
I'm the staff nutritionist
and trainer.
95
00:03:38,702 --> 00:03:41,069
You want your dog to live
a long time, don't you?
96
00:03:41,105 --> 00:03:43,005
[strained]
You betcha!
97
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,774
Then he'll need
to lose a lot of weight.
98
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,943
He's what we in
the canine wellness field call
99
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,111
"Damn, that dog's fat."
100
00:03:51,048 --> 00:03:52,981
The best way to get
a greyhound back in shape
101
00:03:53,017 --> 00:03:54,783
is to get his diet under control
102
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,018
and then
through agility training
103
00:03:56,053 --> 00:03:57,886
and maybe even competitions.
104
00:03:57,922 --> 00:04:00,989
Ooh, I fave videos of those.
105
00:04:01,025 --> 00:04:02,724
Let's see how you do, boy.
Follow me.
106
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:03,792
[blows whistle]
107
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,761
["Far from Over"
by Frank Stallone playing]
108
00:04:09,033 --> 00:04:10,966
[music slows]
109
00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:16,772
[music distorts, stops]
110
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,775
Maybe this isn't for him.
111
00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:21,109
Okay, straight talk?
112
00:04:21,145 --> 00:04:23,879
Your dog is chonky,
but he doesn't have
113
00:04:23,914 --> 00:04:25,781
to become a chonkster.
114
00:04:25,816 --> 00:04:27,816
If you sign him up
for my program,
115
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,085
we can make sure
he's around for a long time.
116
00:04:31,755 --> 00:04:33,021
Let's do it.
117
00:04:33,057 --> 00:04:34,856
[Santa's Little Helper barks]
118
00:04:34,892 --> 00:04:36,858
? Back in the race ?
119
00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:42,931
? I'm movin' in and I am getting closer ?
120
00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:45,901
? I'm diggin' in ?
121
00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:51,673
? I want it more than anything I've wanted ?
122
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:56,011
? Save me, darling ?
123
00:04:56,046 --> 00:05:00,148
? I am down, but I am far from over. ?
124
00:05:00,184 --> 00:05:02,918
[crowd cheers and applauds]
125
00:05:02,953 --> 00:05:05,053
We won again.
126
00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:06,688
Good job, boy.
127
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:07,789
Here, finish my hot dog.
128
00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:08,790
-No.
-Huh?
129
00:05:08,826 --> 00:05:10,625
He has to stay healthy.
130
00:05:10,661 --> 00:05:14,029
He qualified for the nationals
in Philadelphia.
131
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,732
A trip to Philadelphia?
132
00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:18,033
I can see
where the Founding Fathers
133
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,935
signed the Constitution.
134
00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:22,070
And I can crack the other side
of the Liberty Bell
135
00:05:22,106 --> 00:05:23,939
and finish the job.
136
00:05:23,974 --> 00:05:26,942
Philadelphia, my kind of town.
137
00:05:26,977 --> 00:05:29,778
Throwing ice balls
at Santa Claus,
138
00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,713
climbing greasy streetlamps.
139
00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:34,983
The city where Lenny Dykstra
learned to be crazy.
140
00:05:35,019 --> 00:05:38,920
Where every steak is cheesed
and every tush is pushed.
141
00:05:38,956 --> 00:05:40,088
Even though I've never been,
142
00:05:40,124 --> 00:05:43,959
I feel like I was born there
and I never left.
143
00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:45,861
But I'm not gonna die there.
144
00:05:45,896 --> 00:05:48,096
Oh, no, not Homer Simpson.
145
00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:50,699
You'll see. I'll show 'em all!
146
00:05:50,734 --> 00:05:52,734
I guess what
I'm trying to say is:
147
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,736
the Simpsons are going
to Philadel--
148
00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:55,737
[blows whistle]
149
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:56,838
Sit!
150
00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:59,875
This dog is only healthy
because I saved him
151
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:01,777
from your dangerous pampering.
152
00:06:01,812 --> 00:06:05,714
So I'm keeping him far away
from you bad influences.
153
00:06:05,749 --> 00:06:08,850
The Simpson
is going to Philadelphia.
154
00:06:08,886 --> 00:06:10,752
Simp-son.
155
00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,020
[Lisa, Homer and Bart
whimpering]
156
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,609
? ?
157
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,646
[tires screech]
158
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,718
Yo, welcome to
the Hotel Philadelphia.
159
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:30,822
We offer 24-hour room service
from our full Boyz II Menu,
160
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:33,592
and if you need a water
or any other jawn,
161
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,527
just ring the Patti LaBelle
162
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:36,862
and we'll send
a jabroni right up.
163
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,864
So Philadelphia.
164
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,767
Are the beds
made of cream cheese?
165
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,703
The cream cheese ain't got
nothing to do with this town.
166
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,872
It's just a name.
Have some class.
167
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,608
Now, would you like
the Silver Linings Playbook room
168
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,876
or the Fresh Prince suite?
169
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:51,977
Fresh Prince.
170
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,514
We can chill out, max,
and relax all cool.
171
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,681
Right, Lil Mister?
172
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:57,849
[barks]
173
00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:01,520
And where would you like me
to put the Big Mister?
174
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:02,854
[Homer whimpers]
175
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,823
Are we there yet?
176
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,693
You stowed away
for an 18-hour drive?
177
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,729
Ugh, just send him to the room.
178
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,464
Come on, boy.
179
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,832
And I thought I'd surprise you
180
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,801
by coming along
and supporting you
181
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,736
and our furry fella
as he tries to win
182
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,937
the Kentucky Derby.
183
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,706
I swear, I'm only here for you.
184
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,542
[groans]
185
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,943
What is that paper?
186
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,545
Paper?
[gulps]
187
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,679
[muffled]
What paper?
188
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,614
Homer, release.
189
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,782
[grunts]
190
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:35,620
"Awesome things for me
to do in Philadelphia.
191
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:39,724
"Eat cheesesteaks, hoagies,
pretzels, water ice.
192
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,960
Rip off a piece
of Jason Kelce's beard"?
193
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:46,631
Oh, how is a dirtbag tour
of the city supporting the dog?
194
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,567
And what's with these batteries?
195
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,602
To throw at people I don't like.
196
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,672
They do that here instead of
punching people they don't like.
197
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:54,706
But they do that, too.
198
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,975
[growling]
199
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,578
Aw, he loves...
200
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,779
it?
201
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:01,847
[Marge grunts]
202
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,749
We have a competition to win.
203
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,585
If you really want
to support me,
204
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:09,721
stay the hell away
and don't screw this up for us!
205
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:12,791
[groans]
206
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,831
This is it, everything
we've been working for.
207
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,933
It's all led to this,
208
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:24,669
the first of five
qualifying rounds.
209
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,872
Ooh.
210
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:30,508
[announcer]
Next up is a newcomer from Springfield, U.S.A.
211
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,544
Santa's Little Helper. There he goes!
212
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,912
["Far from Over"
by Frank Stallone playing]
213
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,985
With a terrific time, he jumps into the arms
214
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,520
of the woman who made it all possible,
215
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:45,891
his beloved trainer Adrienne Gesstar.
216
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,959
I drove him here.
217
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,829
I don't even wanna do
any of this stuff now.
218
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,564
Being told I'm selfish
219
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:55,901
takes all the fun out of
only thinking about myself.
220
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,636
[knock on door]
221
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,605
Mr. Simpson? We urgently
need to speak to you
222
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,608
on a matter of grave
historical importance.
223
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:04,709
[screams] Nerds!
224
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,678
No, no, my colleagues and I are
225
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,648
the "Historians of
America's Great Inventors
226
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,516
and Enlightened Men."
227
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,785
[Homer]
Ooh, hoagie men.
228
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:16,755
It's true, and one of
the most confounding puzzles
229
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:21,593
in American history
can be solved by your dog.
230
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,695
It's all explained
in this simple diagram.
231
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,698
Oh, interesting.
232
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,533
I see.
233
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,636
You three are nutjobs.
234
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,838
It is imperative
that we locate your dog.
235
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,740
He is a national treasure.
236
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,542
Or, to be more technical,
237
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,811
canis ex machina.
238
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:43,682
The dog's not here, nutjobs.
He's with my wife at the...
239
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:44,749
[Homer thinking]
Homer, think.
240
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:45,917
You can't let these nutjobs
241
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,553
find Marge at the dog show or they'll ruin
242
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,689
everything she worked so hard for.
243
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:51,890
Wait, wait.
244
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,993
This is my chance to actually support my wife,
245
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,629
just like I lied I would.
246
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,900
Um, my wife and dog
are sight-seeing.
247
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,670
Tell me what, you fill me in
on the highly plausible things
248
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,907
your perfectly normal brain
is telling you about my dog
249
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,977
while we look for them
at all these amazing places.
250
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:17,749
250 years ago,
Philadelphia was home
251
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,884
to America's greatest
statesman, diplomat
252
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,020
and inventor:
Benjamin Franklin.
253
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,789
Wow, amazing.
254
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,791
But the thing
about Benjamin Franklin--
255
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,927
-Who's that?
-We just told you.
256
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,695
He play for the Sixers?
257
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:34,666
He had another talent
that only we know about.
258
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:35,834
He was a thief.
259
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:39,838
While pretending to negotiate
the Treaty of Paris,
260
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,940
Franklin stole millions in gold
261
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,842
from the Palace of Versailles.
262
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,977
And smuggled it home
in the brassieres
263
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,780
of his various mistresses!
264
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,015
? Matter of fact, I been keeping it cool... ?
265
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:54,619
He only trusted
one member of his inner circle
266
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,922
to help hide
his ill-gotten treasure!
267
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,792
His beloved greyhound.
268
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:04,596
But wait, Benjamin Franklin
never had a greyhound, you say.
269
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,831
-I do?
-Well, that's where you're wrong!
270
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,934
Franklin hid his connection
to this amazing breed
271
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,804
until we discovered this.
272
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:16,608
It's true. Your dog
is a direct descendant
273
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,010
of Franklin's greyhounds,
and he will lead us
274
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,879
to this very key,
275
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:24,883
which will unlock the vault
containing Franklin's millions.
276
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,919
A vault hidden somewhere here
277
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,988
in the City of Brotherly Love.
278
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,625
Uh, Pittsburgh?
279
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:34,859
[groaning]
280
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,663
I'm proud of you, boy.
281
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,732
You worked so hard today.
282
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,735
Hey, let's have some fun
with other doggies.
283
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:44,903
[dogs barking happily]
284
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,807
No, no, no. No time for play.
285
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,041
We have to stay focused.
286
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,577
Oh, you're-you're right.
Of course.
287
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,013
Come with me, we're going
to a very special place
288
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,649
for only
the most important dogs.
289
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,784
-[blows whistle]
-[whines softly]
290
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,824
Okay, you got your picture
in front of the Rocky statue.
291
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,725
Now let's do the other ones.
292
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:10,628
Look, Homer, your dog
is the key to finding a treasure
293
00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:13,598
that the human mind
can barely comprehend.
294
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:14,866
Do you understand that?
295
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,569
I understood
"barely comprehend."
296
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,738
Take us to your dog!
297
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,540
Yeah, look, nerds,
298
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,875
as much as I love
to keep humoring you,
299
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,009
here's the truth.
300
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,978
You're crazy.
There's no treasure.
301
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,980
My dog's just a regular dog,
302
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,950
and I've spent the whole day
smartly keeping you away
303
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:34,619
-from him and my wife.
-There they are!
304
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:36,688
[gasps]
305
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:37,889
Canis ex machina.
306
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,858
H.O.A.G.I.E.S. roll!
307
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:45,964
Um, Adrienne?
308
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,667
Why did you take us to
a colonial firefighting exhibit?
309
00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:51,736
Marge, do you know who started
310
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,639
the first volunteer
fire company in America?
311
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,741
-It was--
-Benjamin Franklin.
312
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,042
-You.
-You.
313
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,711
-Them?
-[all] Us.
314
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,513
-Marge!
-Homer!
315
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,682
These crazies think our dog
is George Washington's grandson.
316
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,651
I was trying
to keep them away from you.
317
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,520
Well, you did a great job.
318
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,589
That's very kind,
but no, I didn't. I failed.
319
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:12,690
Hey, can I get your help?
320
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,692
These lunatics keep stalking me.
321
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:15,927
We're not lunatics.
322
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,695
That dog is sacred.
323
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:20,565
He's gonna lead us
to Franklin's treasure.
324
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,534
Get outta here, you dirts.
325
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,536
Ugh, dog people, am I right?
326
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,771
[gasps] No, no, no, no, no!
327
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,007
Not our nation's
first fire hydrant.
328
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,875
We don't pee on history.
329
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:34,579
But, Marge, his pee is history.
330
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,681
Benjamin Franklin
bred his greyhounds
331
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,716
to have a special urinary enzyme
332
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:40,952
that could reveal secret
messages he wrote
333
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,555
as to the location of his gold.
334
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,690
Oh, my God.
You're the same amount of crazy
335
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,925
as those other crazies.
336
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,526
Am I?
337
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,730
[Marge]
"Hasten to the first sewer and west,
338
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:55,567
so with the lightning key
be blessed."
339
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,036
That's where we'll find
the key to Franklin's gold.
340
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,771
Let's go, boy.
341
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,640
Adrienne, you're not
going anywhere with my dog.
342
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:03,641
[blows whistle]
343
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:04,776
Betray!
344
00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:06,711
[whining]
345
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,784
He chose her.
346
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,953
[crying]
347
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,922
Adrienne!
348
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,145
Santa's Little Helper chose
that treasure-hunting
349
00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:26,047
canine nutritionist over me.
350
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:29,117
[crying]
I want my dog back.
351
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:33,388
Okay, Marge,
we're gonna get him back.
352
00:14:33,423 --> 00:14:35,390
If we just solve
this piddle riddle,
353
00:14:35,425 --> 00:14:37,358
we'll know
where Adrienne took him.
354
00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:41,029
We'll never figure this out.
355
00:14:41,064 --> 00:14:43,298
Yeah, we're not smart like Lisa
356
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,099
or evil like Bart.
357
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:48,069
[gasps] Family meeting!
358
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,438
Having fun without us?
359
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,441
Oh, that's where Dad is.
360
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:57,211
Smarty, criminal, figure out
what this message means.
361
00:14:57,247 --> 00:14:59,414
"Hasten to the first 'sew-er' and west,
362
00:14:59,449 --> 00:15:03,051
so with the lightning key be blessed?"
363
00:15:03,086 --> 00:15:05,353
It's pronounced "sewer," genius.
364
00:15:05,388 --> 00:15:07,088
[gasps] No, it's not.
365
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,424
"Sewer," as in "one who sews."
366
00:15:09,459 --> 00:15:11,225
It must mean Betsy Ross,
367
00:15:11,261 --> 00:15:12,961
who sewed
the first American flag
368
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:15,163
in Philadelphia in 1777.
369
00:15:15,198 --> 00:15:19,200
That scheming trainer must be
headed to Betsy Ross's house.
370
00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:22,236
[gasps]
That's on 239 Arch Street.
371
00:15:22,272 --> 00:15:24,005
How'd you know that?
372
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,440
I passed it
a bunch of times today
373
00:15:25,475 --> 00:15:28,176
while trying to find
M. Night Shyamalan's grave.
374
00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:30,311
But, in a crazy twist,
375
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,214
he's still alive.
376
00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:35,249
And I know just how
to get us there.
377
00:15:35,285 --> 00:15:38,286
Our next stop on our Segway
through Philadelphia history
378
00:15:38,321 --> 00:15:41,456
is a reenactment of
the Battle of Broad Street,
379
00:15:41,491 --> 00:15:44,425
also known as
the Super Bowl LII riot.
380
00:15:44,461 --> 00:15:49,163
And now, I take you all the way
back to the year 2018.
381
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,331
And...
382
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,200
Eagles win!
383
00:15:52,235 --> 00:15:53,368
[air horn blows]
384
00:15:53,403 --> 00:15:56,304
[people shouting]
385
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,377
? ?
386
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:05,013
We have to go through
that Mummers Parade.
387
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:07,048
No time for a set piece.
388
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:08,316
Double back.
389
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,121
This is it. Where's the dog?
390
00:16:14,257 --> 00:16:16,124
[muffled barking]
391
00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:18,259
The bark's coming
from the direction
392
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:21,062
of this warm 18th-century lever
that looks like
393
00:16:21,097 --> 00:16:22,964
it was recently pulled.
394
00:16:22,999 --> 00:16:24,165
[both shout]
395
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:26,434
[coughs]
396
00:16:31,107 --> 00:16:32,306
Homer?
397
00:16:32,342 --> 00:16:34,208
[Homer]
Stuck! Too fat
398
00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:37,011
for colonial tubes!
399
00:16:37,047 --> 00:16:39,080
[Adrienne]
Ah, just in time, Marge.
400
00:16:39,115 --> 00:16:41,382
Now that my dog has led me here,
401
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,317
he'll retrieve the very key
402
00:16:43,353 --> 00:16:46,320
to unlock
Franklin's lost treasure.
403
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:58,232
You see? This is what
I've been training him for.
404
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:01,302
Time for the real dog show.
405
00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:02,370
[blows whistle]
406
00:17:02,405 --> 00:17:05,106
? ?
407
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,388
The key! [laughs]
408
00:17:20,423 --> 00:17:22,957
You found it! Come!
409
00:17:22,992 --> 00:17:25,393
If he takes another step
on that thing, it'll collapse!
410
00:17:25,428 --> 00:17:26,994
Stay!
411
00:17:27,030 --> 00:17:27,995
Come!
412
00:17:28,031 --> 00:17:29,163
Stay!
413
00:17:29,199 --> 00:17:33,000
Sorry, Marge, but I'm
the one with the whistle.
414
00:17:35,405 --> 00:17:36,971
[inhales]
415
00:17:37,006 --> 00:17:39,207
Ow! What was that?
416
00:17:39,242 --> 00:17:41,175
A D cell, otherwise known
417
00:17:41,211 --> 00:17:43,211
as a Philadelphia handshake.
418
00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:45,279
Game over, lady.
419
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,248
Ha! Nice try.
420
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,185
-[blows whistle]
-No!
421
00:17:51,221 --> 00:17:54,288
Santa's Little Helper,
I'm your mommy.
422
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,125
I introduced you to bone broth.
423
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,292
The whole family wanted
424
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:01,062
to dye you green
for St. Patrick's Day,
425
00:18:01,097 --> 00:18:04,031
and I'm the one who said no.
426
00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:06,067
We need you alive,
427
00:18:06,102 --> 00:18:09,370
so I'm begging you, just stay.
428
00:18:12,075 --> 00:18:15,042
[gasps]
That's my boy.
429
00:18:15,078 --> 00:18:17,211
I'm not leaving here
without that key!
430
00:18:18,114 --> 00:18:19,046
[grunts]
431
00:18:20,116 --> 00:18:22,083
[rumbling]
432
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,223
[yelps]
433
00:18:30,293 --> 00:18:33,094
Go Birds...!
434
00:18:33,129 --> 00:18:35,163
[loud crash]
435
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,237
Lil Mister? Where are you?
436
00:18:45,308 --> 00:18:47,308
I don't think he made it.
437
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,010
This is my fault.
438
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,179
All this crazy diet and training
439
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,381
was because I wanted him
to live longer,
440
00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:55,383
and now he's gone.
441
00:18:55,418 --> 00:18:59,120
I was so stupid.
Having any pet is stupid.
442
00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:01,189
When we got
Santa's Little Helper,
443
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:04,392
we didn't just say, "Yes,
I'd like to rescue this dog."
444
00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:07,061
We said, "Hi, I volunteer
445
00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:09,964
"to have my heart ripped out
of my chest some day
446
00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:13,134
"because no matter how much time
we get to have together,
447
00:19:13,169 --> 00:19:15,136
it will never be enough."
448
00:19:15,171 --> 00:19:16,971
[sobbing]
449
00:19:17,006 --> 00:19:19,974
He's looking down
on us from above.
450
00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:22,310
No, he's not.
I never got him christened.
451
00:19:22,345 --> 00:19:24,378
He's in doggie limbo.
452
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,981
No, real above.
453
00:19:31,287 --> 00:19:32,420
He made it!
454
00:19:32,455 --> 00:19:34,388
Now we just have
to get him down.
455
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:37,158
You just leave that to me.
456
00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:38,226
Gobble-gobble!
457
00:19:43,032 --> 00:19:44,966
[crashing]
458
00:19:47,303 --> 00:19:48,336
-[crashing]
-[glass shatters]
459
00:19:56,045 --> 00:19:57,278
Let's get you home.
460
00:19:57,313 --> 00:19:59,480
You already have
the key to my heart.
461
00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:02,116
Who could possibly
want anything else?
462
00:20:06,356 --> 00:20:07,355
[barks inquisitively]
463
00:20:07,390 --> 00:20:08,422
[sniffing]
464
00:20:20,303 --> 00:20:21,502
[barks]
465
00:20:21,537 --> 00:20:23,404
Yeah, sure, you can drive.
466
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,373
He loves it.
467
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,378
? ?
468
00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:32,380
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
469
00:20:32,415 --> 00:20:34,415
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
470
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,417
and TOYOTA.
471
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:39,020
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
472
00:20:42,557 --> 00:20:44,525
? ?
473
00:21:22,298 --> 00:21:23,531
Shh!
474
00:21:23,581 --> 00:21:28,131
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