All language subtitles for Englg.vtt

Take your gates out of the road.
That's the law.

Figure it out,
or you can spend some time in jail.

I can have my gate.

I don't have to let you through.

I wanted to get away from people.

And then one of the crazies
from out there moved out here.

Those homeowners do not own
the beach to the water.

They're just entitled elitists

that want to call
the beach their backyard.

That beach property might be sand,

but it's no different than your backyard.

If someone were to come and set up a grill

and a boom box without your permission,

would you be upset?

I never expected someone

as far away as they are

to cause me near the amount
of problems that they have.

This whole beach situation

has pit neighbor against neighbor.

Get the fuck off my property now!

Just got a bad neighbor over here.

He's unpredictable.

He's gonna kill someone.

I didn't realize how in-depth
you guys went on this.

-What?
-Apparently, this is a new fort.

That was not the plan
for those cinder blocks, but--

Well, can we keep it as this?

Not forever.

This was kind of the ultimate challenge.

Can I come out here and take a piece
of empty, barren land,

and turn it into a home?

2020, when COVID really hit,
kinda cemented that for us.

Like get away from population centers.

When we first moved out here,

we didn't really expect
to have neighbor problems,

'cause we didn't really expect
to have neighbors.

Hey y'all, can you not do that right now?

Thank you.

Those are my neighbors.

Hi, my name is Seth,
and this is my bug out

that I built, my home.

I moved out here in 2016,

to get out of the crazy
that was going on in Portland.

On the 20th year of each century,
there's been a plague.

So, I told my wife
we need to get out of here

before 2020 hits.

We came out here where we could slow down,
where we can just live our day.

We can work with our horses
where it's quiet.

When I first met Josh,
he wanted to put gates up in the road.

I told him, you can't do that, man.

Horses have been taking
that road for hundreds of years,

you know, since the cowboys
have been out here

and the natives have been out here.

The beef with our neighbors started even
before we actually got to move out here.

Yeah. So, we've got all the pictures of

the listing of what it showed out here.

These beautiful green fields
of luscious grass.

And there's no horses anywhere.

And then, this is what happened
when we actually got out here.

Ha! Hey!

These guys are just nuisances.
They're pests.

If they break my fence, I have to fix it.

If they get in and they eat my hay,
then I have to replace that.

They have food. They have grain.

If you would open your gate,
they could get to it.

I can have my gate.

Especially since
this is not a public road,

this is a private road.

Look, bro, we ain't doing this today.

Get outta here!

You're not allowed to take
a motorized vehicle

and run up on an animal.

That is against the law.

I have never read a law
that says it is illegal

to scare horses with engine sounds.

He was told more than once,
quit chasing the horses.

By us.

By Randall.

My name is Randall Oberg,
and I'm neighbors with Josh and Brittany.

It's against the law to chase the horses.

The gate became a reality shortly after
one of our neighbors, Randall,

threatened to kill me and my wife

for about 15 minutes.

It was the first thing in the morning.

I'm sitting down drinking
my first cup of coffee,

and I see the horses come running.

I know somebody on a four-wheeler
is chasing my horses.

I just called his wife a cunt
on his own property.

I probably would have been upset myself.

What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?

During the confrontation,

he started out very
emotionally high, very violent.

And then he kinda came down a little bit.

From that moment on,
my kids were terrified.

And the gate became
a security blanket for them.

Kind of makes you feel secure.

I feel like he's gonna
come drag my dad outside

and try and kill him.

It's not fun having to have the gate,
but that's the nature of the beast.

What do you expect to happen?
This was your fault.

You moved into a pasture.
You put fences up everywhere.

You started fighting with the neighbors.

They've been out here doing
whatever they wanted for years.

And now I'm standing up for what is mine

and what I have rights to.
And they don't like that.

You bring the country to the town,

but you don't bring the town
to the country.

Leave your city shit in the city.

You want to live like this in the city,
go live in the city.

Right now we're going to Lake Causeway.

It's my typical beach that I go to.

You have a little space of public beach
surrounded by private.

My kids don't want to come here with me
anymore, though.

They are full of anxiety.
The whole time, she's like,

"Mom, do you-- Is he here?
Do you see him?"

She just spends her whole time

looking for the property manager

that always harasses people.

Toddler in action.

Our manager called me.
I'm just down here

to let you know that
you're on private property.

My first altercation with Brent
was when he took pictures of my daughter.

You need to stop recording
my daughter right now,

or I'm going to make this
your worst day ever.

Do you hear me?

My name is Brent Fuller.
I'm a property manager.

I'm there to keep the public aware

that this is private property.

We still have that Sara Day lady
come out here,

harasses the crap out of me
and the owners all the time.

She drives past ten public beaches

to come down here and harass me.

At this point, I think she's,
like, in love with me.

You're a chair boy.

You're a chair boy.
That's all you'll ever be.

Yes, they are trespassing.

And, yes, I video them
and take pictures of 'em.

You're on private property...
You're still on private property...

-You're on private property.
-Quit videotaping me!

-Hey!
-Quit touching me!

Why don't you shut your fucking mouth
and don't say anything?

Put your hands behind your back,
you pussy!

Will you please get off my property?

Will you please leave me alone?

Will you please get off my property?

Will you please leave me alone?

The homeowners have given him

authority to run people off the beach.

They just hired a bulldog
to go do it for 'em.

The private beach that is private today,
was never public.

It was controlled by
the private beach owners

who take care of the beach,
take care of the turtles,

make sure that the holes are filled,
make sure nobody's getting too crazy.

That squelched the rowdiness

and the anarchy that's well known

on public beaches across the country.

People taking our chairs off of our decks,

people actually coming off the beach

and defecating underneath our house.

I am familiar with Eric Wilhelm.
He is a beachfront owner.

Sara got involved. She's extremely active.

This is actually an exchange
between he and I.

"Psychotic, screaming tirades on the beach

by hysterical liberals."

He's just really disrespectful.

I'm sorry if I hurt people's feelings.

This discussion is not
a comfortable discussion.

Let's get it done.

If I can ever find some sane people

on the other side that
are willing to talk to me,

I would search to the end of the earth

to try and solve this problem,
'cause it's a big one.

I need to go check if the gate's open.

See if I can check on my horses
before this storm comes in.

Some people have this
mental blockage in their head

that they just can't get right.

Some obstinate thing that,
you know, "I won't give in."

If there's a lock and a chain,
I'm gonna have to call the cops again.

And the gate is shut.

The dumbass has locked it again.

It's a road!

I need to use the road!

And he just stands there
and stares at you.

He's probably trying
to give me some mad dog look,

thinking that somehow
that I'm the bad guy.

I'm calling the cops again.
This guy is just such a piece of shit.

Picture sound on your TV?

Let's get ready for this.

I heard you.

Court is in session.
This is Robert Collins versus

Joshua and Brittany Alspaw.

They've pushed their easement
into other people's properties.

And it's been 18 months and running.

Even though we're way out
in the middle of nowhere,

we still have a right to a speedy trial.

This is not a criminal case, sir.

The right to a speedy trial
applies to criminal matters.

What he's doing is criminal matters.

You've mentioned mediation.

Your Honor, I think that a mediation
could potentially be successful.

Well, let's do that.

I will schedule a mediation

for as soon as reasonably possible.

Thank you all. We'll be adjourned.

Farewell we call

...to hearth and hall

This is a production of
the "Misty Mountains Cold"

from the Hobbit movies
sung by The Wellermen

and a bunch of other guys, me included.

It currently is at 4.5 million views.

So, I do have a TikTok channel
called The Bearded Bard.

I'm a dude with a phone
who has a lot of people who watch him.

I use that as advertising
for my woodworking

and blacksmithing business.

So I'm over here working on a small batch
of the kitchen axes

and should be done by the end of the week!

And I keep making things
and you keep being happy

watching me make them.

Yeah, let's do that.

Y'all, we are back in--

I love playing multiple characters.

And lo and behold, people loved them.

My name is Todd Grimm.
I am a dwarf cleric.

I'm D'Artagnan the Bard.

I am known as "The Wizard."

Smeagol...

Why does it cry, Smeagol?

Half of his life is a fantasy.

Half of his life is a lie.

And the rest, I have no clue.

Because I only see what I see on TikTok.

Now, Starla, I would ask you
to leave me alone...

See? He calls me by name.

What are you going to do
to keep your horses away

because this is borderline harassment.

The neighbor drama videos

were reaching into
the hundreds of thousands,

if not millions of views.

People like those videos
because they like drama.

And I'll be real,
I probably fed into that a little bit.

Somehow this idiot
has two million followers,

to threaten us over here
that we're doing bad stuff.

"You and your inbred family
are disgraceful cunts."

"Kill yourself, fat cunt."

This comment is from "Ogre,"
which I believe is Seth.

"You can roll play. Great!

Can you Role Play that
you're a decent neighbor?"

"...if you only knew
the real beardedtard."

You're gonna have
to try a lot harder, man.

I'm a fat guy on the internet.

"...but the beardedtard
is the bad guy here.

You must be a liberal
if you believe that idiot."

I'd have to guess that
they were ultraconservative?

That's pretty much the only group
that uses the word "liberal" as an insult.

You know, to my neighbor Josh, you know,

if you did a little research,
you would find out

that all of your fears,
there's nothing to it.

He's not looking into anything he's heard.

What we really need to worry about,
instead of me and my neighbor fighting,

we need to get together as we the people
and do something about this government

and what they do here.

It's an orgy of evidence.
This is a big setup.

So, I just started doing research,
and research, and research,

and finding out the truth of the world,
of what's really going on.

When you go in that rabbit hole,

it gets really scary
because then you see stuff.

It was taken down by explosives.

Oh, my God, my entire planet
is run by a satanic cult.

What they're doing with all the children,

there's adrenochrome harvesting...

...they're doing a lot of sexual stuff.

There is a worldwide conspiracy going on.

I sound crazy when I say it,
but I don't care.

It's the truth.

I'd love to see people wake up.

If everybody else knew what I knew,
and had seen what I seen,

the world would change, like, today.

You need to stop recording my daughter...

When I had the altercation with Brent
I sent that video to Shoreline Defender.

Shoreline Defender came into play
when that person realized

what was actually happening
on the beaches.

They decided that people needed to know.

I understand why Shoreline
might want to remain...

anonymous.

A lot of people in our town are afraid.

Get in.

Get in, get in. Come on.

People have lost their jobs.

They've been blackmailed.
They've been stalked.

They've been followed. I'm hiding my face.

And you can refer to me
as Shoreline Defender.

I started this page

just to monitor
the situation on the beach.

Especially once our
Backstreet Boy moved in.

Things really started getting ugly.

Brian Littrell is suing a Florida county,

accusing the sheriff there of refusing
to keep people off his private beach.

That beach "access" doesn't entitle you
to public beach.

These celebrities and elites
are so terrified of regular people,

they'll hire vendors
who are basically beach Nazis.

And the king of these losers is Brent,

the sunburnt scarecrow.

I never peel.

Shoreline Defender gave me the nickname
"The Sunburnt Scarecrow."

'Cause you can just see
how burnt I am every day.

But it's like all they live for is,
"Let's go harass Brent."

There's some crazy people out here.

They could just read
all this stuff online,

come down and just shoot me,

shoot me in the head.

Yes, that's crossed my mind several times,
but it's part of my job.

I love what I do.

I love protecting private property rights.

I'd do it for free.

The last five years have been tough.
They've been really tough on the family.

My family doesn't feel safe.
People threaten us.

"We should burn their houses down."

There's been pictures of lynchings

of beachfront owners.

There's pictures of guns
on beachfront owners.

How do you know about that?

-Hi.
-Hi.

Do you guys know that
you can sit down here, too?

-No.
-We developed an app

that tells you how much space you have

seaward of the mean high water line,
which is public space

-for everybody. Always.
-Oh, wow. Alright.

This is amazing.

-Shoreline Defender.
-That's a must.

Going to the beach
should not be contentious.

Keep you from getting into
arguments with the homeowner.

Honestly, that's the hope.
Shoreline Defender app. Yep.

-Nice name.
-Yep. Yeah, right?

Today is July 4th.

We're about to throw out
a thousand of these.

On the back of the koozie is a QR code.

We developed an app

that tells people where they
can sit on any of our beaches.

-That is amazing!
-To the feet!

We are telling the public
what their rights are.

It's not a good app. It confuses me.

It took me ten minutes
to figure out how to even make it work.

And I just downloaded the app just now,
just out of curiosity.

It's got me logged in at the beach,
and I'm not even at the beach.

So, it's just gon' make
the sheriff's job harder.

It's gon' make
property manager jobs harder.

This app is definitely
gonna cause total chaos.

I'm here looking for wristbands.
No wristbands.

Have you seen these signs over here,

say you have to have
a wristband to be on the beach?

-Oh, yeah.
-What the hell is that about?

-It's a beach!
-I know, it's nuts, man. It's nuts.

Hey! Hey!

Doing a little audit of all the beaches.

I heard about the Santa Rosa controversy.

It's a free press.

I tell people all the time that

our rights are like muscles.

If we don't exercise them,
we will lose them.

If you can see it, you can shoot it.
You cannot trespass the eyes.

My lovely fiancée and I are
First Amendment auditors.

-That's our job.
-Fuck yourself.

Go fuck yourself!

-Hey, hey!
-Stop taking pictures.

You are not allowed to record me.

You need to shut that off.

Stop taking pictures of you right now?

Yeah, no. That's not gonna happen.

I'm taking photos on a public sidewalk.

And that's what he's arresting me for.

Hmm. Curious.

Stacey and I actually used to be
members of a religious cult.

The Mormons.

I disguised myself

and went back into the cult incognito

with hidden cameras.

And I recorded a lot of
the uber-secret ceremonies

and rituals that they have
in their temples.

I've had numerous people assault me
or threaten to assault me.

Excuse me. Whoa, whoa!

Touch my camera again,

you're getting tased, motherfucker.

Ooh, you gonna hit me? You gonna hit me?

You're a little fuckin' worm.

I've got a taser.

You are touching me. Get away from me!

If it's your time, it's your time.

And if some psycho comes out
and shoots me, you know, it's--

It's my time to go, I guess.

And he died doing what he loved.

Yeah, and I died doing what I loved:

Defending our rights
and exercising my rights.

This whole thing has really put
stressors on our relationship.

We're in the hole.

And money is one of the things
that stresses Brit out the most.

I don't think she'd leave.

But I think she would separate from me.

If I was not doing my job as the husband,
I think she'd basically just say,

"You find a different bed to sleep in,
this one's mine."

So, I've been doing everything I can
to bring money in.

If none of this neighbor stuff
would have happened,

we wouldn't be in this
situation monetarily

that we're in currently.

We wouldn't be in the situation
emotionally that we're in currently.

Which sucks.

Okay. Run for your life.

This is a cave I'm building.

It's my fallout shelter,

slash, science project.

There's really a likelihood
of a world war happening.

Me and my family are gonna
come down here and hide out

and wait for the blast waves
and stuff to stop.

When me and Josh were getting along fine
and there was no issue, and--

Even though he is a shithead,
I would still let him in,

if there was something bad going on

and he needed to get away
and be safe, you know.

I would save him, you know, if I could.

They know they're not
supposed to be over here.

They have been told, "You are trespassed.

You are not allowed to ride through here."

But it looks like they are
simply ignoring that

and doing it anyway, again.

Oh, they're coming straight at us.

Actually, yeah.
We lost that like a year ago.

Thank you, thank you.

I've been wondering where that thing was.

Yeah! Yeah!

-Mm-hmm.
-And they're all riding where they're

-not supposed to be riding.
-Yeah.

Get 'er done, son.

When it boils down
to the end of the day and this mediation,

I don't know, I just really,
really, really pray and hope that

he decides to do the right thing
because that's what neighbors do.

To go good, but how I think it's gonna go?
Not so good.

Yeah. Him bringing the city out here
is never gonna work.

I don't know.
Even gates ain't from the city.

I think he's just stupid.

I love you, kid. We'll work through this.

Hey, everybody!
"KULT News" back again with another video.

Today, we're in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida,

where we heard some local patriots
had to create an entire phone app

just to figure out where
they could sit on the beach

without being harassed.

What you filming today?

Oh, just doing a little beach blog.

Alright, when you say
"It's all private property..."

Don't take this the wrong way, please.

That's the stupidest
fuckin' thing I've ever heard.

This is not my first rodeo, my friend.

You're wrong.
And you're gonna find out the hard way.

You can have the sheriff
come out here and tell me

I'm on private property,
and then I'll leave.

But you're wrong 'cause I've looked it up.

Didn't work out so well
for you, did it, friend?

You think I'm trouble, wait 'til I have

a hundred of my friends
out here on this beach.

I don't care if your kids are out here.
I'm out here too.

Sure enough,
I'm out here for like five minutes

and this loser up here

tries to tell me that
I'm on private property here.

These people have lost
their freakin' minds.

Now they're gonna learn
a valuable lesson today.

You go tell your little Backstreet Boy,
tenant over there,

I said, "I want it my way."

That's where you sing...

I think I just found something
to do for the day on the beach.

Oh, sweet! I could use some shade.
Thanks. Appreciate it. Yeah.

If you touch me with that, I'm gonna--

Hey, you're touching me!

Do not touch my fucking mom.

She's pushing me with that.

I'm gonna pepper-spray you, dude.

Back off! She came over here
and touched me with that.

-You wanna get--
-I did not touch you.

Yes, you did!
You're gonna get pepper-sprayed.

Back off, lady! Back off!

If you pepper-spray me, you're going--

-Back off!
-I didn't touch you.

-You most certainly did.
-Are you a pedophile?

-Are you a child?
-Are you a pedophile?

-Are you a child?
-My kids are out here.

"You must be a pedophile."

No, no, I'm just out here with a camera,

flexing my freedoms.

-Here's a sheriff's deputy
-We asked you not to video.

Why are you recording everyone?

You have lost your freaking mind.

You may wanna call your boss...

-You're gonna get educated.
-You are very wrong.

I will call my boss, sir.

He said he was using the app.

-Oh, my gosh.
-This is really not what we need.

Gosh. Do we know
the precursor to this?

I think this guy is like some
First Amendment type guy.

We gotta do something about this,
because this is just

feeding right into what
the homeowners want.

She rented this house...

...private property!

He knew my name.
I've never seen this guy before,

but he was obviously out of his mind.

Back off!

She came over here
and touched me with that.

Things are starting to escalate.

You're gonna get pepper-sprayed.
Back off, lady! Back off!

Somebody's gonna get hurt.
Somebody is gonna get hurt.

Hi, is this Mike?

So, I am concerned
about your video coming out

and setting us back
for all the work we've done.

They--

I totally agree with you.

Well, and that's, you know,

that plays into their game of,
"they don't feel safe."

That's like exactly what we don't want.

We are not here to incite.
We are here to help educate.

Both our side and the homeowners
don't want that kind of stuff down there.

Well, Eric Wilhelm mentioned,

he wants to sit down and talk with people.

And we could actually
come up with a solution.

You know I have this need
to fix things, right?

I need to solve problems.
So, I've reached out

and tried to get all of these activists

over time to have a discussion with me,

publicly, as you know.

I've finally got one.
Sara has agreed to sit down with me.

Our world today lacks this kind of,

you know, productive debate.

Today, facts don't really
drive the conversation

-more than emotions.
-Right.

And you know me, right?
I don't have emotions.

Yeah, that's true. True.

I don't have any feelings.

-Hello, Sara Day.
-Hey, Eric.

-How are you?
-Good to meet you.

-Good to meet you, too.
-Over here fine?

Long time coming.

Yeah. Sure. Sure.

We have been mismanaged with blurred lines
and misinformation and confusion.

Absolutely, you have.

-And that stops now.
-Absolutely, yeah.

That is something that has to stop.

Absolutely.
Do you know where it's coming from?

-Where is that coming from?
-It's coming from the county.

-And I have--
-Would you agree with that?

-Absolutely.
-Yeah. And that's a problem.

And I have addressed that many times.

'Cause what does that do?
That causes conflict. Right?

Because then there's more defense
and more ropes and more signs.

I hate signs more than anybody hates--
More than you hate signs.

I guess while we're talking about it,

I would like to know your plan
to heal the community.

Well, the first thing that I got to do
is find somebody from the other side

that's willing to work with me
'cause I can't do it myself.

Has that been difficult for you?

It's been impossible
'cause nobody'll step up

because they don't have any logic.

Truly, you just made my next point for me,

'cause you throw names around that are--

Names? What names do I throw around?

Hmm. "Carnival barkers."
"The Liberal Mob."

There's a lot of solution to be had
if we get our heads out of the sand

and quit fighting over semantics.

No, you're not-- You're not
being kind and respectful, Eric.

You are a disrespectful human.

Private beach owners don't want to have
their names drawn up,

stuff taken off their decks,
defecated underneath their decks,

people parking in their driveways.

Saying that people are
afraid for their kids

and afraid for their families.

I don't know that
you're ready to compromise.

Why can't we work out a deal--

What about just open your beaches?

I can't speak for everybody else.

What about you?

So, here's the problem.
You go online and say,

"Wilhelm says go to his beach."

Tomorrow, I'm gonna have
500 people on my beach

with signs, and threatening me
with my video.

The way that it happens
down at Lake Causeway.

I am on that beach a lot.

-Why do you go there?
-Because it's

the closest beach access to my house.

You got six other ones
that are just as close.

You don't get to tell me
where I go to the beach.

-It's such a--
-It's such a what?

It's ground zero, man.

Are you done?

I'm sorry I don't have
the feelings that you--

that you require to have
a discussion with you.

It's actually comments like that
that make you unrelatable.

My thousands and thousands
and thousands of employees

would disagree with you on that one.

-I'm--
-Right? 'Cause I'm a pretty relatable guy.

We can give you a cookie for that.

-I don't know what you want.
-I don't want a cookie.

-I'm not gonna encourage...
-Stop, stop.

...people that live next to beach access--

If you talk over me, I'm done.
If you talk over me, I'm done.

You're welcome to leave anytime you want.

Okay. I think we're done here, folks.

-And this is why, right here...
-No.

...this is why we can't
have a conversation.

You continue to talk over me
and be disrespectful.

And I told you, if you did those things,
I would be done.

You will not talk over me.

So, thanks for coming, Sara.

I appreciate you wagging
your finger in my face.

He wasn't there to listen.
He's there to just talk at someone.

Finding hard solutions
is not a touchy-feely game.

It takes grit, it takes disagreement,
but it takes compromise.

We are one day away from mediation.

It's supposed to be tomorrow afternoon.

I'm gonna do my best to stay calm
but I'm terrified

of what they're going to do.

Maybe I hope mediation will work,
you know.

Just do what we can.
That's all we can do.

Whatever direction we have to go
to make this idiot stop.

Right.

My name's R.J. Dieken.
I'm a mediator.

I was asked to come mediate this dispute.

With this being
my first official mediation,

I think this is gonna be
a test under fire.

I don't feel super confident
about what I'm gonna do.

But how do you eat an elephant?

You do it one bite at a time.

Is there anything that either of you two

would like to say to each other
that has less to do with past

and more to do with a move forward?

-Yeah.
-One thing right here

that I could think of to say to you

that would solve 90% of this issue:

Take your gates off of the road.

I legally own land farther down

-this private easement.
-Okay, it's like this.

You are not allowed to stop people
from going down a public road!

-It's a private road.
-They don't have any legal

ownings back there.

There's no reason

-for them to go back there.
-We have reason!

You have cut off 1,500 acres.

-It is all private.
-No, we have not.

-It's all private
-Owned by individuals.

I'm done,

'cause I'm not getting in
a yelling match with these idiots.

-If they own land, I let them through.
-I'm just done.

I'm really-- I'm trying to make
some ground with you here.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Okay, Josh?

I don't want to really fight with you.

Can I just talk to you
for a second and be a friend?

I'm offering a hand to be a friend
if we can just talk about this.

We know it's your property,
man, but this is a road.

If every single person was living out here

in every single plot,
and every single person

had a gate up on the road,
would we function here?

Yes or no?

-Yeah.
-Yep.

Seriously? I just hope at some point

you'll realize you're the bad guys here.

Would you like to bring up the things
that you said to me online?

Yes, I would.

"Beardedtard. Midget brain."

Yeah. And I heard everything
you said online, too.

What did I say?

And all your two million followers
threatening to kill us.

None of them threatened.

-She sent me the messages.
-Bullshit.

Bullshit. I read--

You called me a liar.
You called me

-all sorts of things.
-I think we're done here.

Get yourself out of here.

I'll knock your fuckin' teeth
down your throat.

-Don't threaten my wife.
-No! Fuck you.

-Don't threaten my wife.
-Quit.

Just control yourself, girl.

Seriously.

Just continued to call me
a liar with no proof.

I knew that this was gonna happen.

So? I'd beat the fuck out
of that portly little bastard.

He just ain't fuckin' worth it.
The law will fix it.

Ivy, come back! Lay down.

Hey! Obey me. Lay down. Please stop.

Move on, then. Then move.

And don't come back.

I'm just trying to figure out
the Eric Wilhelms of the world,

what the problem is.

Just because you have
a beachfront property,

that does not mean
that it is morally right

to keep your neighbors off of it.

My wife and I have spent our life
building this life for our family,

and this is a place of absolute peace
and harmony for us

that we aren't gonna be
willing to give up.

We'll fight for it.

I've been a Dungeon Master
since I was about 12, 13 years old.

It's too bad that the neighbor down there
is the way he is because he plays it, too.

And he says he's a Dungeon Master, too.

Oh, I am definitely a Dungeon Master.

"Dungeons and Dragons"
is really fun because

you get to do whatever you want.

If he was a cool neighbor,

then I would have definitely
already invited him over to play

unless he plays fourth edition.

We'd have probably already
played a lot of times by now.

If you're in a situation like this,

if you can move,

I would.

If you can't,

be ready to defend yourself.

I think your neighbors should be

one of the first people
that you get along with.

If you can't get along
with your neighbors,

that kind of says something about you.