All language subtitles for 10429542107891

Thank you.

Don't the old hag know it's Christmas
Eve?

Nah, it's just another night to her.

Well, only two minutes left to go.

Ten o 'clock.

Another hour in the homicide squad. I'd
be asking my legs for killing.

Mine murdered me two hours ago. I'm
dead.

J .J. Benson doesn't know it, but she's
going to give her annual Christmas

speech to a zombie.

Curfew never rings at Madam Benson's.

It just goes on and on and on.

If this plan doesn't get started soon,
I'll scream.

I've got a date with my father.

The wise baby that knows his own father,
baby. With your mind, you should be

writing publicity for a peep show.

What do you think this is?

What makes you a privileged character?
Why don't you have to wait for J .J.'s

speech? I celebrated my Christmas last
week. Had Roosevelt move it up for me.

You're not leaving, are you, Mr.
Chambers?

My dear Miss Keating. You know very well
no one's allowed to leave until Mr.

Benson has addressed the personnel.

Not even you, Mr. Chambers.

Miss Keating, you've been J .J.'s junior
secretary for two weeks, and you're

getting to talk like her.

You can tell her for me to make a
recording of that speech, and I'll have

sealed in the cornerstone of Kaminsky's
fish market.

Merry Christmas, Ben M. Benson.

Merry Christmas to you.

Ladies and gentlemen.

May I introduce your and my beloved
employer, who has her usual but never

-be -forgotten Christmas cheer for you,
Madam J .J. Benson.

Here we go again.

My dear fellow workers, ladies and
gentlemen. My dear fellow workers,

gentlemen. I shall not bore you with a
lengthy oration. I shall not bore you

with a lengthy oration. First, last, and
always, I believe in hard work. First,

last, and always, I believe in hard
work.

How well I remember in the 90s the white
lace gown created by this firm for the

first lady of the land.

I was, of course, a mere child of 30.

I was, of course, a mere child at the
time.

And just as that honor inspired us then,
may we now be inspired by...

Miss Manahan, you were discharged this
morning. What are you doing here?

I was just wishing everybody a Merry
Christmas.

I've worked with these girls five years.

Three years as a married woman.

Distinctly against my rule.

A rank deception.

I'm sorry.

You are no longer an employee, and if
you are a customer, you should have left

the store at ten.

Sorry. And thanks, Madam Benson, for a
very Merry Christmas.

May we all continue to work in harmony.

And my sincere wishes for a Merry
Christmas.

And... an industrious New Year.

Throw me my robe, will you, darling?

Thanks. Almost forgot.

Merry Christmas, darling.

Oh, Fred.

Didn't we promise not to buy each other
any Christmas presents this year?

That's not fair.

Hmm.

What is it?

Here. I'll show you.

A bank.

Oh, Freddie, beautiful.

Reminds me. I won 30 cents in a craft
game today.

Well, hand it over.

Maybe our luck is changing.

I used my own dice.

Shame on you.

But I'm sure the stork won't object.

I asked for a soprano.

I'd say he's got a voice like a train
announcer.

The neighbors will know how he stands
for a dime.

Well, is it any disgrace to save for a
baby?

Is this around? We can afford to have
little Josephine in no time.

Joseph. Please, darling, if you have any
influence at all, Joseph.

Josephine.

Joseph.

Josephine.

You wouldn't settle for twins?

Yeah, not at these prices.

Special delivery.

Special delivery.

I've got a feeling that you're Uncle
George.

Why Uncle George?

Because the feeling I have is a sinking
one.

Anyway, it couldn't be for much money
this time or he would have sent us a

telegram. Collect.

Seven cents postage due.

It's Uncle George.

Sorry to give you all that in pennies.

I got paid today.

I get it, I get it. I request it.

Well, we're pretty lucky.

He only wants $35.

What for?

He says we wouldn't be interested.

Well, if he wants $35, you take $15.
We'll give him $10.

You think we can afford even that?

No, we can't. But I suppose it's better
than having him live with us.

Well, let's see.

Yoo -hoo! Mrs. Chambers!

Yes, Mrs. Everett.

You must come in to my office before you
go out tonight, Mrs. Chambers.

We're depending on you. And don't you
disappoint us. No, we won't.

No, that's right. Don't you...

$235.

Can Uncle George make $225?

Why don't we start the new year right?
That's about Benson for a raise.

We'd better leave well enough alone.

Let us expect we're married and we'll
both be out of jobs.

At that rate, it'll be ten years before
we can have a baby.

Someday I'll say so.

You could have been ten years old today
instead of three if it hadn't been for

you, Uncle George.

According to the home economic page in
the mirror.

We can have the baby very nicely for
$500.

The journal says $400.

$500, $400. What law says we've got to
have that kind of money? Babies are born

every day without it, and they manage to
grow into good men and women. Look at

me. All my father had was the will and a
chest full of hair.

Darling. You got... I thought you were
tired.

Oh, no.

I want a baby because they... They smell
so nice.

She'll be so soft and gentle and so
beautiful. People will look at her and

her parents must love each other very
much.

So I suppose we're going to that
Christmas show. We ought to get started.

Yeah.

I'm told it's a great show.

I'm dying to see it.

It's going to be a lot of good, dear.

Get dressed up and get out once in a
while.

Mm -hmm.

Thanks, Stingray.

Paint the town.

Do it right.

You bet.

Hello?

Hello. Pardon me, but I had an
appointment with... Pardon me.

Madam Benson's office.

Yes, there's plenty of time, sir.

For that.

Uh -huh.

It's a coat. Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Well, I know.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

4 .30 will be all right. Yes.

Goodbye.

Elementary, my dear Watson. Do you do
this sort of thing professionally?

Or just Sunday school treats and boy
scouting?

Heaven forbid.

Well, then why do you do it?

I'll end up in the jungle. Make friends
with the natives.

Oh, that's an important paper.

Oh, is it? Yeah.

When I finish with it, it'll all be in
one piece again.

It works out the way the man said. Now,
you fold it over here.

And, uh, in like this.

And you fold it over like that.

Now, da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da
-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da
-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da
-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -

Never came out like this before.

Yes,

Madam Benson?

Where is he? Where is that worthless son
of mine? Are you Mr. Benson?

Mr. Ralph Vivian Benson? Yeah, Vivian's
for an old lad of mine. She lost her

shirt in 29.

Right away, Madam Benson.

Your mother's waiting for you.

Oh, yes.

Mother.

Get over that one, old dear.

Hello,

darling. Oh, darling me, you young
wastrel.

You bankless whelp, you shameless
squanderer. Oh, get away. You smell like

10th Avenue bar room.

Park Avenue, darling. I'm still a
Benson. A Benson should know the meaning

industry and dignity.

Now, what about these?

Three checks overdrawn in the last four
days.

You're failing, old girl. Four checks in
three days.

Ralph, Vivian Benson, there's only one
thing left to do with you. You're going

to work.

No, no. Not that. Right here in this
office where I can keep my eye on you.

But... Not another word out of you.
You're going to work.

But... Do you think it's quite decent?

Decent? Am I going to work, I mean?

Making more money?

We have so much now.

You won't be making any more money, my
boy. Merely earning what you get.

Mother, these are changing times. Great
fortunes must no longer be accumulated.

Are you attempting to bore off of
within?

No, I'm just in favor of keeping the
money in circulation.

Don't worry.

Better minds than yours at Washington
are taking care of that.

It will be kept in circulation.

Yes, Madam Benson?

Miss Keating, this is my son, Ralph
Vivian Benson.

How do you do? How do you do?

Miss Keating, my son is joining our
staff. I would appreciate it if you

impart to him the rudiments of
conventional office routine.

I beg your pardon? I would like you to
become his secretary until further

notice. We will put Mr. Benson into poor
old Mr.

Oglethorpe's old office. The one that
Mr. Chambers has been using for his

advertising layout? Mr. Chambers can
move his spring advertising layout back

into his own office.

Now, as to my son's title, we will call
him Manager of Exploitation.

As you will discover, he has ideas.

But what about Mr. Chambers?

Isn't he supposed to be... I doubt if
Ralph will offer him serious

In fact, if Ralph acts as a sort of
catalytic agent to Mr.

Chambers' efficiency, I shall be more
than gratified.

Mother, I can't tell you how I
appreciate this chance. After the way

it's white of you.

Pure white.

And I'm going to make good, too, J .J.

I'm going to hit the line on my toes
with my nose to the grindstone.

I'm going to... You're going to get out
of here. I'm busy.

Yes, Mother.

Isn't mother a dinger?

A little occasion. What do you suppose
that is?

It's a thing that makes something else
work.

Without working itself.

Oh, is it? Under those conditions, I
accept the job.

Here it is.

Poor Mr.

Oglethorpe's old office.

Ah, yes. The home away from home.

Hello, Oglethorpe.

Well, you're quite a young man, aren't
you? The way they spoke, I pictured you

with a long white beard.

Oglethorpe. This is Mr. Chambers, Mr.
Benson.

Mr. Oglethorpe passed away six months
ago.

Well, that's one on me. That's one on
Oglethorpe.

So you're Chambers, eh? Miss Keating
tells me you're very confident.

Thank you. That's most kind of Miss
Keating. Miss Keating is also very

confident. Thank you. Thank you.

Ah, this will never do. You've got the
place looking like a slop shop.

Horrible. Horrible.

But we needed simplicity.

Absolute simplicity.

Would you please tell me what you're
trying to do to my office?

Sorry, my office.

Mr. Benson has just started to work for
the firm, Mr. Chambers.

I see.

Well, look, don't strain yourself. I'll
get the office boy to take my junk out

of here. Good. If you don't mind, Miss
Keating, I'd like you to take a letter.

Would you get your book, please? Oh,
sorry. Miss Kay is my personal

Couldn't possibly spare her.

Perhaps it's lunchtime, Mr. Chambers.

Lunch? That was the old Benson's. No
lunch.

Work right through.

We'll have a tray sent in from Pierre's.

Shove along, will you, Oglethorpe? So
much to do.

Uh, Keating, would you, uh... Pop up on
this couch and get that picture down

before I break out in five.

Big time, Miss Katie.

Oh, a boy's best friend is his mother.

Thank you, Mrs. Everett.

Hello, darling.

Oh.

Here.

Make an honest woman of me, please.

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

You can't pull your maw.

What's burning?

I am.

Once, just once these last few weeks,
you might have come home on time.

Oh, don't scold, darling. Just before
Benson left the office, he told me to

the tailor about his ski suit.

The line was busy for an hour. I thought
I'd go mad.

Of course, Mr. Benson's rompers are more
important than my dinner.

How long have these been around the
house?

Oh, that's the vinegar you smell. Don't
you know how to boil eggs?

You big galook. You're only supposed to
use a few drops of this.

Some of it has soured that big pussy of
yours.

Come on, now.

Tell us.

What's the matter with you?

You know, if your husband were half a
man, he'd quit his job.

J .J.? Yeah.

Walked in at afternoon, gave the old
shrew an idea that's worth at least $100

,000 a year. Yeah? I wanted her to sell
perfume with her clothes.

Had the whole campaign all mapped out.

Wear perfume to match your dress again.
You know how those names are. They'll

buy anything.

I'd leave if you wanted to know if I
thought her customers smelled bad.

You didn't tell her they smelled of high
heaven or something and get fired.

I didn't even get past the first
sentence. She just refused to listen to

I've mumbled something about my having
too many ideas and not enough good ones

and walked out. No, well, she's a
pompadour.

Don't you worry.

I think it's a wonderful idea and I'm
proud of you.

Someday you'll... Give the letter for
me. Why don't you say something about

Oh, it's from Uncle George.

Well, be strong. Tear it up. If you
never know what's in it, we'll save at

ten bucks and your conscience won't hurt
you. Well, you're probably right, but

you don't know what you're asking of a
woman.

Why, you hope -gun philosopher.

Uncle George has started paying off.
Here's a check for 25 bucks.

I don't believe it. Let me see it.

25 dollars for the baby fund that would
have been gone if I listened to you.

Mrs. Chambers.

Yes, Mrs. Everett. Mr.

Everett wants to know if you and Mrs.
Chambers will come to the concert with

Hmm? Hmm.

We'd love it. Fine.

Mr. Everett wants to know if he should
get the ticket.

No, indeed, Mrs. Everett. You took us
last time. Tonight, everything's on us.

Telegram from Mrs. Chambers.

Thirty -five cents. Collect.

Well, shall I tear it up? No, no. Not
until you pay for it, lady.

Hiya. Keep the change.

Thank you.

Please destroy check. No funds in bank.
Letter follows. Uncle George.

hear music, perfect reproduction, just
like being in the first row.

Yeah, that's right. And the fact that
concert tickets cost two dollars a piece

has nothing to do with the case at all.
I understand perfectly.

Isn't it lovely?

Mr. Brahms must have adored his children
to compose such beautiful music.

I'll bet he didn't have to fuss and
campaign for five years before he got

What are you mumbling about?

I said I bet that when the Brahmses
wanted a baby, they just went ahead and

one. Cost of living was cheaper in those
days.

I also have a hunch that Mr. Brahms
managed to provide for Mrs. Brahms all

himself. If you knew anything at all
about music, you'd know there was no

Brahms. Please, children, the music.

You like the music?

Oh, it was beautiful, Mr. Dominic. Just
beautiful.

Oh, that's fine.

Then you're going to buy the record?

We certainly are, Dominic. Just as soon
as we get a phonograph.

Oh, really?

You haven't even got a phonograph?

Mr. Dominic, may we hear a box air for
the G string played by Misha Ellman?

Sure.

Sure.

Anything you like.

Maybe you would like to leave the
Spaghetti and some wine while you're

to the music.

With me, sir?

Yes. With me, sir.

Dominic, that's awfully nice of you.

It's nice of me.

Then go down to the left. Go down the
street.

Go in there.

Go in there.

You can finish dressing in the subway.

We're 12 minutes late now.

Is this Fred Chambers?

Happy birthday from Mr.

Brahms. Oh, darling, how sweet of you to
remember. I'd forgotten all about it. I

have an insurance payment due on your
birthday.

They always send me a reminder.

Oh, they're beautiful.

Yeah, just to keep you out of trouble.

I'll smell so good all day I won't be
able to bear it.

Oh, Fred.

What? Look.

What does he want around here? I don't
know, but I'll get rid of him. You wait

here.

Good morning, Miss Keating. Good
morning, Mr. Benson. Bus now leaving for

Benson. But really, Mr. Benson... Oh,
happy birthday and all that sort of

How'd you know it was my birthday?

I get around. It's common talk along the
waterfront. Oh, really, Mr. Benson? The

subway's so much faster. Oh, come, come,
Miss Keating. We'll be late for work.

Oh, Mr. Benson.

Mel? Well, it's about time you got in.

I want you to explain why we stand to
lose our biggest account in Los Angeles.

What? We'll cancel all orders unless
shipments made this week arrive in

LaGuardia Airport today. Irene Wells.
Well, say something.

Well, I... Ralph, you took the order
yourself, didn't you? Of course I did.

Didn't I? Yes, Madam Benson. April 6th.

Well, Milo? But I told you, Madam
Benson, they delayed shipping the

a month.

Oh, stop cracking your knuckles. But...
How I've stood you for 18 years is

beyond me. But... Go on. Go on. Do
something about it. But... Yes, Madam

Nothing to do now but to undo the harm.

Ralph, you'll take Irene Wells to dinner
and the theater.

Spare nothing.

Now, really, Mother? More business is
transacted on dance floors than at

And be careful of Miss Wells, Ralph.
She's an ex -follies girl who found she

could make more money in clothes than
out of them.

Get her goodwill. Nothing more.

Mother, I don't think Irene Wells is my
job.

Not your job? Well, you've been sitting
around here doing practically nothing.

Oh, no, Mother. Thinking.

Thinking. Thinking what?

Ideas. What ideas? When did you ever get
an idea?

Only this morning I had an idea. That
is, we had an idea.

You have it all in your book, haven't
you, Miss Keating? You know, the perfume

idea. Oh, yes, certainly. I remember it
very clearly.

You said it would definitely pay Benson
& Company to sell perfume to match each

gown. For instance, with crinoline,
westeria, or lilac. With the sport

heather. That's right.

And with a nightgown, you moan, hey.

And with stockings and girdles, just
plain forget -me -not.

Get it, Mother?

My boy, I really think you have
something. I solicitate you. Oh, now,

it's as much Miss Keating's idea as it
is mine. Madam Benson, it really isn't

idea at all. I'm sure you had a hand in
it. You have a very good head, my dear.

I'm grateful.

But really, Madam Benson... Now, now,
we're all working to the same end,

we? Teamwork, esprit de corps.

And get to work on that idea
immediately. We'll have a confidence at

earliest possible moment, my son.

Miss Keating.

Whose birthday is this, yours or mine?

Ah, yes, Mrs. J .P. Malmont.

Don't you think you've done enough for
one day?

Oh, this is the last one. My dear Mrs.
Malmont.

And we shall be here to serve you.

To Benson's office. Miss Keating
speaking.

What's going on in there?

But of course, madam. The delivery will
be made on time.

Cut out the double talk. How long do you
think I can stand this?

Don't you trust us, madam?

Sure, I trust you.

But I'd trust you a lot more if that
pixie wasn't in there with you.

And stop calling me madam.

Stop, madam.

We have years of integrity behind us. We
are very jealous of our reputation.

And any attempt to doubt it will be
strongly resented.

All right. I apologize.

But when we get home tonight, remind me
to show you the half -Nelson and a

hammerlock. They're a girl's best
friend.

It won't be necessary.

The store's motto is, more flies can be
caught with honey than with vinegar.

Honey? Flies?

Hey, what's going on in there?

May we suggest, Mrs. Marmont, in
accordance with your waist measurements,

special essence of elephant hide. And I
might add, in my own opinion, that no

perfume in the world could remove the
stench of your late husband's swindle in

Wall Street some years ago with undying
affection, etc., etc.

Except for Mrs. Marmot, we've done all
right today.

I'd like to go now if there's nothing
else I can do for you.

Oh, but there is.

But my uncle, we're having dinner.

Oh, yes, you are. Of course.

I had an uncle once, J .J.'s brother.

He was the rip -roaringest guy that ever
drank and gambled his way from Maine to

Mexico. We all knew he'd end on the
gallows. And did he?

Well, he fell in love with a
schoolteacher, settled down in Clarinda,

raised six children, and became a pillar
of the church.

He sounded much more romantic before he
met the girl.

He was a lot happier afterwards.

How long have I been here, Joan?

Three months, Mr. Benson.

The name's Ralph?

Yes, Mr. Benson.

You don't think a man can change in
three months, do you?

Careful, Mr. Benson, or you'll end up in
clothing to Iowa.

Oh, Joan, if you just knew how much I...
Saved by the bell.

Don't answer it. It's my mother. If you
don't mind, I'd better go now.

And you won't forget about your wicked
old uncle and have dinner with me?

you forgetting you have a dinner date
with Irene Wells?

Oh, that.

Well, Chambers, you're working late
tonight, aren't you? What are you doing

that's so important?

Writing myself threatening letters.

If you can't find anything more
interesting to do, I have a little chore

you. Yeah?

Irene Wells is in from the coast, and
naturally, she has to be entertained.

Naturally? How would you like to be the
entertainer? That's very wide of you,

Benson, old boy, but I couldn't bear to
deprive you of the pleasure.

Look, old man, I'd do it myself, but
confidentially, I'm after a bigger game

tonight. Lovely girl.

Everything is working out all right, I
hope?

Well, she's a little... stubborn, but I
think she'll break down. That's great.

Good luck.

Really, old man, there's no one in the
world I'd rather take out tonight than

Irene Wells.

Charming woman.

Probably the loveliest account we have
on our books. I'll sell her the store.

There, Miss Keating. That's the kind of
cooperation I like to see around here.

Now we can have dinner together.

You're so right, Mr. Benson, and I
accept.

But I warn you, I'll be ravenously
hungry.

We shall have the works, Miss Keating.
Two kinds of ice cream.

Well, Chandler, get Miss Wells a little
tight at dinner.

After the theater, your time is your
own. Miss Keating will make all the

arrangements about tickets and all that
sort of thing. But not the part where my

time is my own. My friend, more business
can be done in the back seat of a cab

than in the front seat of a con.

I'm sure we'll all have a wonderful
time.

Why don't you speak for yourself, jerk?

Well, is everybody deaf out here?

I thought I heard voices.

Excuse me, isn't your buzzer buzzing,
Mr. Benson?

It couldn't possibly be mine. I left a
full half hour ago, grimy with a sweat

honest toil.

Yes, but you will kindly assure my
mother of that fact.

Yes, Mr. Benson.

If anything important develops, Miss
Keating and I will be at peers. You can

reach me there, but I prefer that you
didn't. Don't worry, I won't.

I'm sorry, Madam Benson. I've been
buzzing and buzzing and buzzing.

didn't hear a thing.

Oh, Wesley, this is my son Ralph. He's
in the firm now.

How do you do? This is Mr. Howard of
Bergson Howard in Cleveland.

Milo, Mr. Howard is leaving first thing
in the morning. I want two models in the

salon immediately.

Well, I'm afraid, Madam Benson, that
it's quite late. Everyone has gone home.

Home? At this hour? Why?

Well, it's customary.

If I can do anything... You're not going
to model lingerie. Not in my

establishment.

Miss Keating, have you ever done any
modelling?

Why, no.

Well, it's not difficult. Quite simple,
in fact.

I'm sure Miss Keating will show our new
numbers most effectively.

I don't think she will.

What's that?

I mean, well, the girl's never modeled
before. It's an art. You just can't

acquire that sort of thing in ten
minutes.

Art isn't necessarily acquired, old man.
Miss Keating has certain natural

advantages that most professional models
don't possess. Really?

I hadn't noticed.

It isn't your place to notice. One can't
help noticing the obvious, Mother Dare.

Well, it's obvious.

The girl's bow -legged.

She's not bowlegged. She is bowlegged.
She's not bowlegged.

Yes, she is bowlegged.

Pardon me, might I make a suggestion?

No one will make a suggestion. Miss
Keating will model.

Anna, you will take her and select the
garments.

Wesley, we will go on in. Come, Milo.
I'll be in presently, Mother.

It's about time I learned all the ifs,
ands, and buts of this business.

And now, my friend, whatever gave you
the idea Miss Keating has bowlegs,

whatever gave you the idea she hasn't.

is splendid.

Even the models couldn't have done
better. Thanks, Anna. But I think I'll

to my typing after this.

Miss Keating, you did remarkably well. I
am very pleased.

Thank you, Madam Benson.

Mr. Howard bought nicely.

And now he wants to see some nightlife.

Buyers always do. I told him that you
would go along with him. Well, I'd like

to. Good nightclubs bore me. You will,
of course, be paid for overtime, but try

to start yawning early.

Hurry now. Mr. Howard is waiting. Yes,
Madam Benson.

Now remember, Chambers, my boy, a woman
is a very delicate instrument.

Something like a violin?

Yes, that's right.

Only to make sweet music, a man must
play a woman with champagne, orchids,

little attention.

My women love me for myself.

An adolescent attitude, Chambers, and
one which may cost the firm dearly.

Be more adult with Miss Wells. Give her
the best of everything. At our expense,

of course. Of course.

A discreet table in a corner, dim
lights, all the props.

And then... And then?

And then, on your way home...

At the psychological moment?

Yes.

Well, just don't let her down. That's
been my system and it's never failed.

It was sweet of you to break your
engagement for me. Not at all. Good

Benson and Mr.

Chambers. We'll have dinner at Pierre's,
shall we?

Well, Nero, looks like you'll have to
get yourself another fiddle.

You certainly don't think I'm looking
forward to doing the town in Benson

clothes, Benson jewels, and with an
imported Benson board, do you?

Why are you doing it? I don't know what
you're so sore about.

I don't think I'm going to stay here all
night while you cart Irene Wells around

from one general to another.

After all, I have to live, too, you
know.

I don't think you can stick me away in
some apartment while you... Some

apartment? Is that all you think of this
place, some apartment?

Two thousand a joint cost me.

Don't call it a joint.

Well, why don't you stay in it and wait
for me?

Why don't you stay and wait for me?

To wait for you.

Oh, somebody plays you like a violin.

Huh? Yes, like a violin.

I have to stand around and listen to it.

Well, how do you like that? My own wife.

Well, this is the end.

Yes, right.

What are you talking about? Your
resignation.

Oh, stop being a fool.

I just have, and you're about to become
a housewife. What about Josephine?

Joseph. All right, then what about it?

Right this minute, all I care about is
us.

What good is Joseph going to be if I
wind up with the Irene Welch and you

up the Benson?

I want to be the father of your Joseph,
not Irene Welch's.

Oh, sweetheart, look at us. Here we are
fighting when we want to love. All

because you want a child with a
finishing school education even before

born. Please.

Now, from now on, I'm the breadwinner in
this family, and what I say goes.

You're quitting the J .J. Benson Company
without the usual two weeks' notice.

But, Fred, we haven't much more to go in
our overtime tonight. I'll cut that way

down and... Right.

Or I'll spill the beans to J .J. in the
morning. You wouldn't do that.

To keep you, I'd spill it tonight.

You do and you won't keep me.

Please, darling. I want to have my child
in my own way. Not yours.

You'd leave me?

Oh, I've hurt you.

Why are you shaking?

Why shouldn't I?

Joseph was almost an orphan.

Come on, Pope. Let's go to work.

Where's Joseph?

Josephine. The tickets are in on the
desk.

They were delivered half an hour ago.

Don't accept any candy.

Good night.

Don't let him drive you home through
Central Park.

We've reached our objective.

Out of the tank, men.

Go right back and bring us some
reinforcements.

Forward!

Mr. Benson, I had a lovely evening.

There we are, safe at home.

Benson's service that is best, rescuing
damsels from boars. Very good customer,

Mr. Howard, but the grandfather of all
boars.

Well, I do appreciate your rescue, Mr.
Benson, but it's quite late.

Good night, Mr. Benson.

Mr. Benson never relinquishes his post
until he's relieved. Call out the guard.

What ho, the guard!

The guard, I think, is in bed.

But you'll have to take over, Joan.
Right shoulder up. But, Mr. Benson...

right shoulder, Miss Keating. Now then,
follow me. Ready?

Forward, march!

It's three o 'clock in the morning. I've
got to get up early.

What? Come to work at noon. Come in at
four. I won't even be there. Ralph!

What's wrong?

That's just what I'd like to know.

If I heard correctly, you called me
Ralph.

Do you realize it's the first time you
ever called me that?

No more guard duty for you, Joan.

I'm going to fire a 21 -gun salute in
your honor.

Just one gun, please.

It's so late.

Just one gun, then.

Very sorry.

It wasn't a good salute.

It'll go right away.

Oh. Oh, dear, sit down.

Hold your breath. I'll get you a drink
of water.

It was the water. I turned on the hot.

Why didn't you warn me you were in here?
You didn't even get me there. I just

thought I was blowing the faces. Is that
what you call entertaining a buyer? He

joined us at dinner. There was nothing I
could do about it. Well, I can.

Fred, where are you going?

I'm going to throw General Burp out of
here. Oh, please, Fred, no. I'll get rid

of him in a minute. Please don't. Well,
make it snappy. And I'd also like a

little explanation about those tickets
you got us last row in the balcony. Fine

place to make an impression.

Here, take a sip.

What is that, water? Uh -huh.

I want some coffee.

Let's make some coffee.

Oh, but Mr. Benson, what is the best
thing in the world for you?

Oh, but Mr. Benson, I will keep you
awake.

Oh, I should sleep. Oh, please, Mr.
Benson.

What you need is a cold towel.

Hmm? Yes, a cold towel on your head.

That's a very intelligent idea.

Hello.

Good morning, Mr. Benson.

Could you please be a little more
explicit?

What morning?

It's Thursday. I spent the night here.

Oh. I suppose I was quite a mellow
fellow and made a complete ass

of myself.

No. You just had a bad piece of ice.

Oh?

And I didn't make a complete ass of
myself?

No. Oh. Oh.

Do you hear sort of a buzzing sound, or
is that just my imagination?

No, I don't hear a thing.

I'd be sicker than I thought.

Is that coffee, Miss Keating?

Yes. The hand that made you fair has
made you good.

Shakespeare.

There.

Isn't that better?

Well, I don't seem to hear that buzzing
sound anymore, but I think I feel worse.

It's getting awfully late, Mr. Benson. I
think you'd better go.

Oh. Don't stand up.

I'll get your coat.

Either take my hand or get me a seeing
-eye dog.

Oh, Mr. Benson, please.

I'm sorry.

I'm afraid I was too optimistic.

That's the next best thing.

You'll be much better off at home.

That's it.

You get a cab and go to the office.
Charge it to me.

I'll go home and laugh this off.

Don't think it hasn't been charming.
Perhaps you'll invite me again sometime,

doubt it.

before somebody walks in and breaks up
this game. Calm yourself, gentlemen.

is the one room forbidden to LaVinson,
and nine is the one point I always make.

I'm out two bucks now, but here's
another buck says you don't. You're

You know, Williams, a man like you in
the payroll department should be above

money troubles. Simply give yourself a
raise.

Yeah, that's easy. Just like flying to
the moon.

All you gotta do to get a raise is to be
in with Ralphie, boy. Like that Keating

dame. Come on, roll him. What about that
Keating dame?

Nothing about her, except I just gave
her a $10 raise, that's all.

J .J.'s orders, on account of Keating,
gave Ralphie Boy some new idea about

perfume. New idea about perfume?

Come on, roll them, will you?

Yeah.

Oh, darling, I can hardly wait to tell
you the most wonderful thing happened.

Yeah, I know. You got a ten -buck raise
for putting ideas in Mr. Benson's head.

Well, let me explain, will you? I tried
to tell him it was your idea, but I

couldn't get a word in edgewise.

Aren't you even listening?

Hmm. Selks are having a convention in
Little Rock. Believe me, darling, I felt

awful about it, but it just got harder
and harder to tell them.

Will you stop sulking and say something,
or is that paper so important?

Well, there's nothing like taking a nice
long walk alone.

Oh! Oh, good evening. Good evening. We
knocked on your wall. Are you coming

us? Coming where?

To the movies. It's Wednesday, bank
night. Well, we go every Wednesday.

playing? I think Frankenstein.

The daughter of Frankenstein. You slept
with the rest of her family.

Oh, did I?

Would you care to go, my sweet?

It's entirely up to you, my pet. I'm
putty in your hands.

Well, perhaps not tonight, my dear.

You see, Mrs. Chambers was up rather
late last night trying out our new

Come along, precious.

Good luck.

Good night. We hope you win. Thank you.
Sorry you can't go with us. What a

charming couple. So loving, so
considerate of each other. Don't you

sickening sort of a way, yes.

Will you please put that paper down and
listen to me? No one's denying it was

your idea.

No one else's. I tried to tell Ralph it
was yours.

What's that? I said I tried to tell
Ralph Benson the truth. No, you didn't.

said Ralph.

Well, what if I did?

You call Madam Benson J .J., don't you?

Oh, that's different.

Look, Joan, don't let's start this
again.

Who's starting it? I merely said that...
All right, I'll confess all.

I'm passionately in love with Ralph
Benson.

I need a double dive.

Every night when you're asleep, I steal
to his side.

That is fine.

Yes. Perfectly.

Then turn out the light, please.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Don't bother, Florence Nightingale.

Oh.

Darling, promise to tell me the truth if
I ask you something?

If it doesn't incriminate me.

Fred, aren't you secretly wishing you
were single again?

With no budgets of worry or scrimping or
lying about ourselves downtown?

Don't you ever get tired of coming to
the same cage every night?

Sure. Once in a while.

And then sometimes at the office I see
this lovely gal walk by and for a minute

I forget it's you and something happens
in my throat.

And then suddenly I realize she's my
wife.

I want to pinch myself because I'm such
a lucky guy.

There's your answer.

Darling. Hmm?

You're doing a wonderful job, but you're
rubbing the wrong leg.

hundred dollars waiting for some lucky
person.

Here it is.

The last two numbers. Number six.

Three. Page six in volume three.

All right. This is it.

H -O -O -5 -H -G. Mr.

Fred Chambers.

Number eight.

No. Telephone him and tell him he's only
got three minutes. Three minutes?

Three minutes? Oh, yeah.

Number 8 -0 -5 -8 -G.

Fred Chambers.

I can't hear you.

I think you got the wrong number.

Listen, listen. You tell Mr. Chambers
that he's just won three minutes.

He's got $200.

$200?

No, I got no $200.

Look, look, you foot -sore bundle of
grief. You run up to the Tivoli Theater.

You run upstairs and tell Mr.

Chambers to get down to the Tivoli
Theater right away. Now, do as I tell

All right, don't get excited.

Go up and tell him.

Downstairs all day long.

Oh, Miss.

Mr. Chambers.

Mr. Chambers.

Yes, yes.

What's up?

Mr. Everett say you have to come to the
Tivoli Theater.

You want $200.

What? He say you only got three minutes.

Three minutes? Where are my pants?

I'll get them for you. Where are my
pants? I'll get them for you. Oh, good

night. Here.

Everything's quiet and peaceful tonight.

Lady, it won't do you a bit of good.

Come on, get up out of there.

Stealing a piece.

Appearing with an officer in the
performance of his duty. And wait till I

that boyfriend of yours.

Don't feel bad, dear. We got the
consolation prize.

I don't see what you

have to laugh about.

You've got no sense of humor.

You won't laugh after you see the judge.

Will they?

No.

I don't get it.

He doesn't get it. This is not a man's
job anyway.

When we're rich, we'll buy all those
electric gadgets.

If they keep on paying $10 fines,
Josephine will get over that in a day.

She'd boil this down and make soup.

Well, Emily Post says, always leave a
little on the plate.

What's on for tonight?

Surprise.

has bought themselves a new phone
address.

No. Yes, and we're all going over to
Dominic's to buy records. Oh, you dive

shot. I think I'll go receive the new
machine.

I'll be back in a minute.

Open up. I command you in the name of
Sweet Charity. Who's that?

Sweet Charity. He wants to come in.

Is anybody home in there?

Yes, Mr. Benson. Wait till I get used to
saying it at the office.

Give me that plate. Oh, you can't do
that.

I can if you don't spoil my aim. Oh, no,
Fred, listen. You go on over to

Everett's. I'll get rid of him in five
minutes, I promise you.

But I promise you, this is the last time
I'm going to be shoved out of my own

home.

Oh,

uh,

I wasn't expecting you, Mr. Benson.

Oh, I just happened to be passing by.

Oh, now, why couldn't I make that sound
more convincing?

As a matter of fact, I've been planning
this visit for weeks.

I, uh... John, there's something I want
to show you. Show her something? What

does he want to show her? Mr. Benson,
I... I have a dinner date and... Well,

expecting someone any minute.

And I'm the someone.

Keep your head now, Freddie.

I got it over at Francois' on the avenue
just a few months ago.

Great. It's an engagement ring.

It's beautiful.

He's trying to marry my wife.

I'm afraid that's a compliment.

J .J., practically be your mother -in
-law.

I got it on approval.

I told Francois I wasn't quite sure
whether I'd need it.

In fact, I'm not quite sure at all.

It's beautiful.

Francois assured me I had nothing to
worry about.

A man like you, he said, a girl would be
crazy to turn you down.

Naturally, he's anxious to make a sale.

These days, people aren't buying much
jewelry.

Money isn't everything, I'm quoting
Francois.

Still, it's nice to have a rich mother
who gives you an allowance of 500 a

And, he added, that ain't LeFouin.

French for hay.

Yes. I took two years of French in high
school. I'm going in there and spike

that marginal land of his. You're going
to stay here and keep your job? Yeah,

and my job, too. You do as she tells
you. I've got an idea.

What are you going to do? Oh, never mind
what I'm going to do. I've never failed

in an emergency yet, have I?

Lots of girls would give their right eye
to marry, Francois told me.

And then he shook my hand and said, in
fact, if I were a girl, I'd marry you

myself.

What do you think?

Does Francois know what he's talking
about?

Beautiful.

And when you leave, I'll cry.

But it's impossible.

I'm in love, Mr. Benson.

Desperately in love.

Could you at least stop calling me Mr.
Benson?

Please, Ralph.

Someday you'll find a girl, a very
lovely girl, I'm sure, and you'll be

happy.

This is my first proposal.

At least with wedding bells ringing in
my ears.

I'm sorry, Ralph.

Well... I guess this will teach that
Frenchman not to be overconfident.

Come in, dear.

Congratulations, old man.

A fellow named Francois you ought to
meet.

That's Damon Rubber.

If Milo'd only had enough brains to be
turned my lead.

I couldn't, my dear. I had a singleton.
You always have a singleton, but never

have clumps. Well, can I help it if I
have bad cards? If you held a grand

you wouldn't know what to do with it.
How do you expect a man's mind to

when he's being kicked under the table?

Oh, nothing short of dynamite could
change your luck. Remember the old

unluckiest cards, luckiest love, you
know. I make it $320.

$320. At a hundredth of a cent a point,
that's 32 cents, Milo. Couldn't you take

it out of the house money? Certainly
not.

It was time we were getting along.

Well, good night, everybody. Good night.
Good night.

Milo, the next time I leave the tennis
club... According to Culbertson, my

Culbertson, you can't even spell it.

A -U -L... Oh!

Thought that'd never go.

Won't be long now.

Nope. I don't think he'd get in bad
cards if my crapshoot mom holds out.

and if you haven't been putting slugs in
there again.

Listen to that little angel. His
stomach's so full, he's purring.

I dream of Jeannie with the light brown
hair.

Born like a bird.

That's enough.

Who do you suppose that is?

No matter who it is, I'm not getting out
tonight.

I've been on that far escape so much the
pigeons are building nests in me.

Oh, just a moment.

Mrs. Benson.

Madam Benson.

Pigeons, here I come.

Open the door, child.

Oh, Madam Benson, come in. Good evening.

Won't you please sit down?

Over there would be more comfortable.

Well, I think I'll relax after we've had
our talk.

Sit down, my dear. Thank you.

Well, I'm surprised.

Yes, so am I, in my own fashion.

When did you see my son, love?

Tuesday. That is, I think it was
Tuesday.

Go on.

Well, it was after office hours.

Yes, I know. He came here for a few
minutes and then left.

His chauffeur reports to me
occasionally.

Oh, that's dreadful.

Why, forgive me. I didn't mean to say
that.

What did Ralph want?

Well, he was... He had some idea about
merchandising and he wanted me to get

some data for him.

What is your first name, child?

Joan. Why do you lie to me, Joan?

I suppose you think that I'm a hard
-bitten old woman, don't you? Well,

deny it.

But I've come here humbly. All I want is
the truth about Ralph.

He was with you on Tuesday night.

He has been on a... Well, he's been away
for three days.

I'm not a fool. I can see it was on
account of you, Joan.

What happened?

Well, he... He asked me to marry him.

Joan, it's not a coincidence that since
he's known you, he's been a changed man.

I've been proud of him.

Why did you say no?

Sorry.

Is there another man?

Well, in... In a way.

There's nothing more to be said.

Do you plan to marry soon?

Not making much money right now.

I see.

Well, good night, Joan.

And thank you. Good night.

What's the commotion in Mr. Chambers'
office?

I don't know, but he just had a session
with J .J.

Well, come in, dear. Don't mind the
mess.

You know how it is on moving day. Fred,
what's happened?

J .J. Benson employees' annual excursion
to Bear Mountain.

Funny how we both photographed cross
-eyed.

What did J .J. say to you?

J .J.? Oh, yes, I remember.

Quaint old relic.

I used to work for him.

Fred. But we've nothing to worry about.
We can always fall back on Uncle George.

Darling, he couldn't have fired you. But
why?

Why does Lincoln free the slaves? Why
does St. Francis free the birds?

Madam Benson is a humanitarian.

Even though she did say her son could do
my work more efficiently.

Come on, get your things. Let's get out
of this concentration camp.

Darling, let's think this thing over.

Let's not be foolish.

What's that? Well, one of us has to
work. At least till you find another

Until you start making money again. If I
quit now, it'll set us back for months.

Oh, Fred, let's be sensible. I'm
sensible enough not to leave you here

that misguided Casanova.

You sound like you don't trust me.

It's that weak -kneed Timberwolf that I
don't trust.

Please, darling, I've got to go now.

Joan, don't go.

Joan, the old lady's been buzzing you
all over the place.

Better skip.

Thanks, Mindy. We'll talk it over
tonight, darling. Forget your pride,

But, Joseph...

Hi, Fred.

What'll it be? Plane check. The board in
the back room still accepts strangers?

Sure, Fred.

But look, them boys back there don't
catch hay when they roll them bones.

Them's big stakes.

That's for me.

Get your bets up, boys. Get your bets
up.

Let her ride.

Okay, let him go.

Come on, Dice. A big natural.

Well, we'll lose it if he wins.

There goes the bassinet.

Get your bets down, boys. Get your bets
down.

Okay, let him go.

Unnatural. Unnatural.

Parabase is a loser. The field wins
again.

There goes the baby carriage.

Get your bets up, boys. Get your bets
up.

Coming out.

Don't let Papa down.

Unnatural.

Four's the line.

Come on, little Joe.

Three -eighths. Three -eighths. Come on,
three -eighths.

Seven a loser.

Yeah, little Joe.

Let's shoot it.

Morning. You might have telephoned me
that you were going to be gone all

I waited up for you.

Very considered. Very considered indeed.

What are you looking for?

Pajamas. What you need is a good day's
sleep.

Thanks. I get two.

Where are you going all dressed up? To
work. It's all of nine.

Oh, yeah, work.

I remember now.

Take a note, Miss Keating. Remind me to
look for a job when I wake up.

Well, that's one thing we won't worry
about.

We'll manage.

Well, just explain gently to Josephine
that she'll have to wait a while.

Now what are you looking for?

Well, if you tell me what you want, I'll
find it for you.

The bank book.

What bank book?

You know what bank book, the baby fund.

What are you going to do with it?

That's not your money or mine either.

We can't touch that.

Suppose I told you I've already touched
it.

Suppose I told you I've gambled away
every cent of it and more besides.

And suppose I told you I was going to
change my address to the county jail as

made good the checks I drew.

What would you think of that?

You won't have to change the order
address.

You'd quit yesterday when I asked you.
This wouldn't have happened. Still

harping on that, are you? You and your
ten -cent pride trying to make a noise

like a husband, then going out and
acting like a spoiled brat.

Big, strong home protector, the
breadwinner, the provider.

Too proud to let your wife work, but not
too proud to rob a baby bank. What's

wrong with a man trying to make enough
money so he doesn't have to stand by

watching the whole Benson family make a
love to his wife?

If we'd afford it, I'd have a nervous
breakdown.

Breakdown? That can't be your big ego.

The baby eye in our home can all go as
far as you're concerned.

So long as the chamber's flag keeps
flying in the breeze.

You'll forgive me if I've had enough.

And if you don't forgive me, I've still
had enough.

Coffee's on the top shelf.

No cream.

I'm going to work.

Give my love to the Bensons.

Here's something you overlooked.

Another little drink, sir? Oh, no, no,
no, no. I know my limit.

Well,

just put a head on this.

Where is it?

That is probably with me.

Oh.

Oh, here we are.

Frederick Chambers.

That's me.

Frederick Chambers is summoned to report
to Superior Court.

Plain ordinary court wasn't good enough
for her.

No, she's got to have Superior Court.
Yeah.

Yeah. Before Judge... Eagle... What,
sir?

10 a .m. May 12th. Oh, Freddy, it's
terrible. You know the thought of you

young people bringing up distresses me.

It makes me feel so... Um... J .J.'s not
here. Go ahead and crack your knuckles.

Oh, thank you.

Place is yours, Milo.

Now, here.

Right there.

The greatest cure for distress known to
man. Oh, no, no, no, I've had enough.

I... No, no, I'd rather not. I... Well,
if you insist.

Why, Chambers, am I supposed to
congratulate you on your new job?

Well, why not?

When are you sailing and why?

Hey, Flop, want to come along?

To China?

Not for twice the tea they're giving
you. I once did publicity for a South

American revolution, and that was
enough.

Hey, look.

See that scar?

Oh, a machine gun bullet?

Heck no. A general's wife?

I'll leave the suicidal instincts to you
young fellas. Good luck. Bye.

Thanks, old man. Thank you.

I get it now, sir. That's it.

To get her back, you're going to risk
your neck to make a lot of money

That's the idea, isn't it?

Milo, you've been drenched.

I kind of envy you going to China,
though.

Mysterious Orient.

Must be a wonderful land of adventure,
huh?

Land of 200 bucks a week for six months.

Could last that long.

That settles it. My mind is made up,
Freddie.

I've been in Madam Benson's clutches for
18 years. I'm going with you. Come on,

what are we waiting for? Let's get
going. Come on.

Go without saying goodbye to the madam?
Oh, sure, but we can't do it this

afternoon. She's going to be busy with
Ralph's grand opening of the perfume

department or something.

Did you say grand opening? Yes. Perfume
department? Perfume department. And it's

too bad, too, because we should make a
gesture of farewell. You know, Milo, we

are going to make a gesture of farewell.

What do you mean by that? Let's not
dally. Come on, there's men's work to be

done. Well, what do you mean by that?
I'll tell you all about it, Milo.

Afternoon, Mr. Everett. Yeah, hello,
Joe.

Get the rest of the day off, will you?
Oh, thank you, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you.

Gummy doll.

In combining the popular gown, Blue
Myth, with the excitingly new odor,

Lingering Lotus, Madame Bentham has
again displayed the perfect balance and

taste. Well,

that's... Very novel idea you have here.
Beautiful, beautiful.

What have you got that would go with
Black Lake? I'm interested to know

whether... We Irish are the widow.

Pardon me, please.

Excuse me. My, what a cute little pink
knee.

May I hold him? Oh, yes, yes. But don't
point it at anyone, will you?

Imagine yourself clad in old lace, the
fragrance of lavender drifting through a

moonlit garden.

Something's come into the garden.

And now comes the breeze from the South
Sea. Its exotic odor...

What's this?

Hey! What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Can't a fur coat take a walk? What's the
matter?

Wait, nobody.

Paul! Hello, hello, Vincent.

Had any brilliant new ideas lately? Why
don't you guys get out of here? You

shouldn't talk to a customer that way
now. Listen to your mama. Customer's

always right. How much is this?

$60. $60? 50 cents.

Oh, I slipped. Shock, you know. Listen,
Sanders, if I were in better shape...

$45. Oh, my God.

Oh, I slipped.

$40 for that.

Free country!

Free country!

Free country!

Free country!

Hand me. I'm perfectly capable of
locomotion. I suppose you're aware, Mr.

Chambers, that I could have you put in
jail for a long time.

Leaving a clear field for your son to
marry my wife. Not bad, Madam Benson.

bad at all.

Say that again.

Don't tell me the idea hasn't occurred
to Madam.

I want to speak to these men alone.

Don't you want to prefer charges?

We're holding one of the skunks as a
material witness.

No. Please leave. All of you.

How long have you and Joan been married?

We spent our honeymoon weekend two years
ago working overtime on your fall

inventory sale.

When did you separate?

About 12 hours after you fired me. Any
more questions?

No? Then I'll ask you some.

Madam Benson, has it ever occurred to
you what a wicked old fluff you really

are? If it hasn't, just stop sometime
and find out what people around here

of you.

I don't mean the old foxes who buy your
clothes. I mean the people who sew and

design and sell them. The little people.

Peggy Manahan, the girl you fired
because she was supporting her husband

was out of work.

Milo, who's had everything decent
knocked out of him after working 18

under your thumb.

But one of these days, Madam Benson is
going to fall out of her little niche.

Smack on her million -dollar bustle.

Oh, what's the use? I'd need an anti
-tank gun to penetrate that arm of

Good day. Sorry if I haven't disturbed
you.

Well, Milo, what have you to say to
yourself?

I've been wanting to do that, Madden
Benson, for 18 years.

At last, I'm a free soul.

Master of my destiny. Captain of my
fate.

Sit down.

I will not sit down.

And stop cracking your knuckles. I will
not stop cracking my knuckles. And

furthermore, if I had one ounce of red
blood in my veins, I'd be going with

Going where?

To China, that's where. To risk his neck
at some fool publicity job because

there's $400 a week in it. For his wife.
Not for him, but for his wife.

He's leaving tonight.

And it's a dangerous job, and he might
not come back.

Now, what do you think of that?

Thanks. Thank you for telling me.

Well, I guess that's all so far as I'm
concerned. So I'll pack my things and

go.

Yes, yes, of course.

It's been a terrible 18 years, but I'm
sorry to leave.

Am I going to have trouble with you,
too?

Take tomorrow off and be back to work
Monday morning.

You mean you want me to just ask you...
Yes, yes.

Go on.

Oh, thank you, Madam Benson.

Thank you.

Hello,

Mother. Good evening, Madam Benson.

Kept you so late, darling. Picking up
broken bottles?

Yes, and some other surprises as well.

Your husband and I had a very
interesting monologue this afternoon.

He's a more positive character than I
thought.

I'm afraid I'm not much interested in
his character, Madam Benson.

I was just telling Ralph I'm getting a
divorce.

Oh, really? Well, I'm quite relieved.
And in that case, his going away can't

matter very much to him.

Going away?

Yes, to some outlandish place. China, I
believe.

China? Why China?

Oh, heaven only knows. He's accepted
some idiotic job that will probably cost

him his life.

He's got some sophomoric idea that
making a lot of money quickly will solve

your problems. Well, good riddance, I
say. Come, let's go into dinner.

Wait, Madam Benson.

He couldn't do a thing like this.

Just as I thought.

Look at me, child.

It's bad enough for old fools like me to
make mistakes.

His boat sails in an hour.

Oh, that's great news.

What do you expect Joan to do about it?
I think that's up to Joan.

Can you send for your car, Madam Benson?

Just a minute, Joan. Don't you think
Milo can wave his hanky from the dock as

well as you?

Please, Ralph. He's probably still drunk
and doesn't know what he's doing.

Yes, madame? Tell Simmons to get the car
in front, quickly.

But Simmons is gone for the evening,
madame. Oh, so he has.

Ralph will drive you then.

Oh, Ralph will not.

What did you say?

I'm sorry, darling, but for my part,
Fred Chambers is better off in China,

refuse to be an accomplice in flitting
my own throat.

Please, Ralph.

Do you love him?

No, but I... I don't want him killing
himself over me. Why not?

Ralph, for the last time, will you drive
into Chambers?

Sorry, but I'm going to drink a bon
voyage toast to a departing friend.

Can you drive, child? No, madam, don't.
Very well, I'll drive it myself.

Uh -oh, mother hasn't driven a car in 20
years. You still want to go? Yes.

Good luck, lady. Phone me from the
hospital. I'll send you a basket of

figs.

Where are you going, you palooka?

This operates a little differently from
the electric model I learned on.

You must say it, Fred, that any man who
travels... Fred!

Come on, Joan, dear.

Hello, Andy. Hello, Joan, dear.

Well, good evening, ladies.

Sorry I haven't time to serve tea.

I detest tea. My only person coming was
to deliver it to Chambers. How nice.

You have no business here, have you,
Milo?

Not now, no.

Milo is driving me to the boat. Get the
car in front, will you, Milo? All right,

but my heart won't be in it.

Of course, if you need anything, either
of you.

Why, young man, perhaps you'd explain
this little jaunt of yours.

Just the call of spring that makes me
want to send picture postcards with X

showing my room.

I long for a land where they never heard
of fashion trends.

You can understand, Madam Benson. I
cannot, and I hate stupidity.

Furthermore, I hope that you meet
several antagonistic submarines.

I'll wait for you outside, Joan.

Why do you always have to make things so
tough?

You can't pack.

You never could.

Now that we're alone, you might tell me
the truth about this China business.

Do you suppose you'd recognize the truth
if you heard it? I know why you're

going. You were probably too drunk to
know what it was all about when you took

the job, and now you're ashamed to back
out.

You ought to know all about drunks.
Being private secretary, they're one of

best. I assure you that Ralph Benson at
his worst would have more brains than to

do anything as ridiculous as this.

And why is the ex -Mrs. Chambers to be
so concerned about what I do? Believe

my sweet, I don't give a hoot what you
do.

I mean, I hate to see a man I once
respected make a fool of himself over

some melodramatic whim.

Don't be reactionary, Mrs. Chambers.

Where would you be today if Cormac's ex
-wife talked him out of traveling?

What about the food over there?

Charmaine always did make you big, yes?

Remember? My stomach's been much better
these last few weeks.

How about this scarf? It's awfully
dirty. I could rinse it out for you.

Don't bother.

I'm going to the land of laundries.

If you're still going, the car's out
front. We have exactly 12 minutes. Here.

I wish somebody else was driving. Oh,
Joan, can't you do something?

Skip the sermon, Milo. I'll be down in a
minute.

Fred, don't go. Look, if I don't get
downstairs in 30 seconds, I'll miss the

boat. Well, miss it then.

Please. Fred, remember what you said to
me. Here we are fighting what we should

be loving.

I remember that.

That's all I do remember, ever since you
went so far away from me. Far?

I've been a couple blocks away all the
time. No, you haven't.

You've been on the other side of the
world, and it's time you came back to

Even if, like your father, you bring
only the will of a chessboard player.

Louder, Emily.

Louder. No, it wouldn't work. We'd be
right back where we started. Sure we

would, with bills and budgets and you
working so we could have a baby with a

silver spoon and a fancy wardrobe.

No, we'll try it my way this time.

answer it. What a ring.

Maybe it's important.

Who's the master of this house?

You are, Nido.

Hello, Western Union calling.

Is Mr. Fred Chambers there?

Yes, this is Mr. Chambers.

We have a telegram for you. Collect.

All right, go ahead.

Please rush $200. My wife is going to
have a baby. Signed, Uncle George.

Take an answer. Collect.

Sorry. So is mine.