Original subtitles

- Hey, Dad.

- What, you miss it so much, you come in on your day off?

- Glutton for punishment.

Hey, Pa-Bear. - Hey.

- I left my backpack in the store room.

Can I have the keys?

- Mom, can you believe what they have at shore side now?

- What? - Bacon ice cream.

- And you didn't bring me some? - Eww.

- Hey, hey, paws off the blueberries.

They're for pie.

No crime was committed here, officer.

- Conrad, you staying for dinner?

- I was gonna hang out with Chris and then stay at Dad's.

- Well, be good, all right?

- When am I not good? - Coco, hug.

- Okay, fine, real quick. Okay, I gotta go.

- See you later. - Bye, see you, guys.

Hail Mary, full of grace, for the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

- Did you notice any change in Conrad

with your separation from his father?

- Uh, he had anxiety.

He had trouble sleeping.

- Is that something that he had prior to the divorce?

- Uh, Coco was always sensitive, you know?

He was, uh--he was quiet.

- And in the year after the divorce,

did Conrad and his siblings go to Florida with their father?

- Uh, yes.

They, uh, went to visit their great aunt and uncle.

- ♪ One time for the pretty little thing ♪

♪ In the back of the club getting the thing ♪

♪ The thing now, Two time that the DJ ♪

♪ Missing hip-hop 'cause the party don't stop ♪

♪ Till the break of dawn ♪

- You all right, Co?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You better dig into this barbecue

while the digging's good, huh?

- Thanks, Dad. - ♪ Take me there ♪

♪ Show me all your secrets love ♪

[Raphael Lake's "You Make Me"]

♪ I'm aware of the power of your touch ♪

♪ Oh ah ♪

♪ You're getting real close to my body ♪

♪ There's a magic in the air... ♪

- ♪ You're making the most of my body ♪

♪ Baby I ain't going nowhere ♪

- You are so smart to get away from the mob.

Hi, I'm Michelle Carter.

I think my grandma's friends with your aunt and uncle.

So, do you have a name and everything?

- Conrad Henri Roy III.

- Wow.

It's very distinguished.

So, uh, do distinguished people like to go to the beach?

Where do you live when you're not on vacation in Florida?

- Depends on the day of the week.

Monday through Friday with my mom in Marion

and then weekends with my dad in Mattapoisett.

- Oh, Massachusetts? - Mm-hmm.

- That's awesome. That's unbelievable.

I live in Plainville. That's, like, 40 miles away.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Wow, is--is that fate, or is that fate?

- I guess that's fate.

- I'm sorry your parents broke up.

- It's probably better that way.

["Standing in this Dream" by My Dear]

- Last one in is a rotten egg.

- ♪ You standing with me ♪

- Oh, my God, I'm so much faster than you!

- ♪ Ooh it's all I need ♪

♪ I'm standing in this ♪

♪ Here comes the time it works better ♪

- ♪ This is the life you wanna live ♪

♪ Here comes the time it works better ♪

♪ This is the life I wanna live ♪

- Why does anybody live any place but here?

- Beats the shit out of me.

- Nice hat. - No way, what?

- If this year's anything like the last,

there's going to be a mass suicide.

- Oh, I know, after the fried chicken drama.

- And the pitching sucked after Daisuke went down

for the season. - Yeah, yeah, tragic.

Yeah, and then we lost Theo. - And Francona.

Double tragic. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, and all the girls liked Jacoby

because, you know, they think he's so cute, but--

But he's not a team player.

- Oh, my goodness. We are, like, the same person.

Wow, that is really crazy.

- You know, my best friend, Carol,

she's also, like, the same person as me,

which means we're all three,

like, the same person as each other.

I really wish you could meet her.

Oh, wait. Actually, you can meet her.

'Cause she is right in my phone.

She's even more like a sister to me than my real sister is.

I mean, I love my real sister, but she's 11, so--

- Hey.

- Hey. - Hey, beautiful.

How's paradise? - It's, uh--

It's really, really good.

Look, there's someone I want you to meet.

Carol Angelica Ford, meet Conrad Roy III.

He's very distinguished.

Hey, Carol. - Michelle, come here.

Come close. He's gorgeous.

Have you kissed him yet?

- I'm going to kill you

so bad when I get home.

- Hey, we're running late. Come on.

Let's go. - Enjoy paradise, love birds.

- Bye.

- Wow.

Uh, how red am I? I'm very embarrassed.

Oh, saved by the Diet Coke.

- Why did you-- why did you follow me today?

- You looked like you were sad about something.

Think you needed some cheering up.

Are you sad about something?

- Me? Never.

Not once the voices shut up.

- The voices?

- Yeah.

They're like, "Hey, stupid.

"Why would anyone wanna talk to someone as stupid as you?

"You see all those happy people around?

"You're never gonna be like them

because you're just too stupid."

- That's what you have in your head?

- It's called, uh, social anxiety.

It got so bad last year that my parents had to put me

in the hospital.

Even in my dreams, I'm depressed.

- Wow.

We are more alike than I even thought.

Um, my parents also had to almost put me in the hospital.

I never tell anybody this, but, um...

I'm actually--I was anorexic.

And I would binge and then starve myself

and binge and then starve myself.

- But you got better?

- I had Carol.

Carol really saved my life. - Mmm.

- Conrad, you...

are such a special person.

You are funny and smart,

and you have everything in the world to be happy about.

No matter what happens, you can always, always,

always talk to me.

- Oh!

Ah, look how beautiful you all are.

Oh. - Oh.

- Didn't we grow up here?

They starved us on the plane. Starved us.

Someone call the FBI. My God.

- He met someone.

- Oh, well, no better medicine than that, huh?

- She's so nice.

- And then we went swimming.

Well, mostly swimming.

I think, actually...

Mmm, thanks, Mom.

- I'm happy you had such a good time.

- It was amazing.

Oh, and, uh, grandma's friends had their family visiting,

and they were the best part of the trip.

- Well, it's the people that make the vacation, honey.

- When can I go to Florida? - Oh, next year, darling.

- I put chopped gherkins in the egg salad.

I know how much you like that.

- Thanks, Mom.

Mmm.

Hmm.

It's delicious.

What the?

Okay, so this one has eight carbs per serving

which is only three carbs of dietary fiber

which is five effective carbs,

and this one has seven effective carbs,

but it's only 150 calories. This one's 145.

Oh...

- Mmm, and those are the five calories that are gonna make

you so obese, you're gonna have to buy

two airplane seats for the rest of your life.

- Ha, ha.

If I knew something was so important to you,

I would not make fun of you.

I only have eight days before Conrad gets here

to make these flaps disappear.

- Look at that. Look at that.

- Oh, hi, Michelle. - Oh, hi, Mrs. Ford.

Wow, that haircut is beautiful.

You're--you're amazing.

- Thanks, Michelle. You're very kind.

- You always wanna keep the lighthouse 5 degrees up the bow

as you pass the last buoy.

- Oh, got it. - All right.

- Okay, Co, take us out.

- Me?

- Who else is he talking to?

- No, I'm-- I'm not ready.

- You're a Roy. You were born ready.

- Take the tiller. Come on, take the tiller.

What, you wanna run us into the rocks?

- Okay, okay.

- Eh, that's it. Flank, then steer.

- Can't believe I'm doing this. - Yeah, believe it.

'Cause you just took the boat that's named after you

out of the harbor.

Whoo!

- Your mother says you're visiting the girl from Florida.

- Yeah. - All right.

What do I always say? - Dad...

- Come on. - Keep it wrapped.

Or keep it Zipped. - That's right.

No little Roys running around before their time.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Let it out a little bit ♪

♪ Throw it back into the clouds just a little now ♪

♪ Take a lawn chair

♪ Come on and take my hand ♪

♪ I feel like, I feel like a classic ♪

100. Oh, my God.

I'm never getting rid of this.

- Why are you laughing?

- How do you know he isn't one of those guys that likes, like,

some flesh to hang onto?

- I just don't wanna feel gross.

- Hey, if you're gross,

then what does it say about me?

Are you kidding me?

You're perfect. You're, like, a Greek statue.

Only softer.

Do you think it's possible for somebody to like

two people really a lot at the same time?

Like, really a lot?

- I guess so.

- ♪ Take a lawn chair ♪

♪ Come on and take my hand ♪

- You know what I need before Conrad gets here?

Practice.

- Mmm, oh, yeah, well, I'm sure he'll give you

plenty of practice.

- ♪ Let it out ♪

♪ Let it out ♪

- It's 2:00 in the morning. Sleep.

Please.

- Do you see the girl that your son met

in Florida here today?

- Yes.

- Could you please point to her and identify

something that she's wearing?

- Uh, she's wearing a pink jacket.

- Let the record reflect that the witness identified

the Defendant as she understands

to be Michelle Carter.

Hi! Hi!

- Hi! Hi!

- Oh!

Look, it's actually true.

Moss only grows on the north side of the trees.

- That's 100% not true. - And how do you know?

- Um, the southern hemisphere.

- And you think you're not smart.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing, just about the worst thing

that's ever happened to me.

Carol dropped me.

- What?

- Yeah.

Her mom thinks I'm some kind of bad influence,

and I called her

and she answered for, like, a second

to say that her mom was watching,

and she hung up, and then I called her back

when I know her mom is at work,

and now she won't answer at all.

So I've just basically been crying every night.

- Well, that's screwed up.

- She was my best friend in the whole world.

- Well, anybody who'd do that to you isn't a friend at all.

- You're right.

You're totally right.

It's forgotten about.

- Great, good.

- Can't believe all I can do is talk about myself.

- How's the new school going?

- I just thought that-- because it was

a smaller school and spiritual--

that it would help.

You know, um, I just thought it would be better for him.

- And while he was there, did he exhibit any signs

that concerned you?

- As we said before, atoms like to be stable.

They feel most stable

when their outer electronic shells become full,

which happens when they have eight electrons in them.

Now, when atoms are floating around

with fewer than eight electrons,

they get crazy and react

until that number gets to eight.

We're not even considering the d.

Only the s and p electrons are involved.

- The more stable an atom is, the less energy it has.

They're most stable when their outer electronic shells

become full, which happens when...

- Um, we took him to Bournewood Hospital

uh, in Brookline, and, um...

We thought we were getting him help.

- I'm so sorry to keep texting,

but I need to talk to you.

I haven't heard from Conrad in forever,

and I'm worried about him and it's making me

really depressed.

Carol, I know your phone is on 'cause you never turn it off.

I know you're getting this.

- Hey.

- Where have you been?

- I'm going to hell.

Nothing anyone says will change my mind.

I tried to drown myself.

I'm so stupid, I even messed that up.

- My God, why didn't you tell me?

Do you still want to?

- No, I'm going to.

I want to make everything better.

I wanna be there for my sisters and I want

to graduate high school.

I wanna be a father someday. I want to smile again.

- You are there for them, babe.

And you will be a father someday and you will have

a perfect wife and she'll be the luckiest girl

in the world.

- I don't wanna harm myself, but there's no other way.

I wanna be with God.

- Conrad, you're scaring me.

Conrad?

- That movie made me totally wanna start

my own a capella group.

But only if I could sing and be Anna Kendrick

- Beverly, it's Michelle. I'm worried about Conrad.

Is he okay?

- Look at what Michelle does here.

She calls for help.

Because that's who she is.

She's not the murderer she's been accused of being.

She's a helper.

- So her behavior later on, Dr. Breggin, was atypical?

- Entirely.

In 30 years of assessing

the psychological condition of defendants,

I've never seen an individual more committed

to being of help to others.

Remember that in high school she was voted

Most Likely to Brighten Your Day.

- He just told me he's going to kill himself

and he's not answering me.

- Thanks. I'm calling my mom.

And the police.

- Conrad? Are you here?

Conrad!

- I forgot to pray.

I forgot Jesus was watching me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- I just--I should have known you were feeling this bad.

- No, you should-- - No, I should--

I should have seen it. - No, you couldn't have known.

You couldn't have known. Don't blame yourself.

I won't ever do this to you guys again, I swear.

I swear I won't ever do it again. I swear.

- Carol.

- Just a sec.

- Hi.

Uh, I really need to talk to you.

- What's wrong?

- Conrad tried to kill himself.

- But he's okay?

- Yeah.

He took pills. It was a cry for help.

I really can't stand this.

Not being able to see you or hang out.

- I'm sorry, Michelle.

You're just too much.

I'm not worth it.

You should get over me.

Okay.

Okay, let's do this.

- It's important when you're making this

to keep the rope straight and even.

Keep the sides of the s-curve the same length

and everything equal distance apart.

- When he was discharged for the second time at Bournewood,

did he once again attend high school?

- Yes. - During that year,

did he ever express to you that he was suicidal?

- No, he was... he was doing good.

- And prior to his passing,

had you met Michelle Carter before?

- Once.

- Where was that?

- Hi, Beverly. Jillian. Hello.

Sorry, do you mind if I just get over--

- Oh, oh, my goodne-- - Oh, boy.

- Oh, I'm so sorry. - No, it's okay, it's okay.

- Hi. - So nice to finally meet you.

You must be Mrs. Roy. - Uh, it's Lynn.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

My God, um...

I know you and Conrad's dad aren't,

uh...

I'm Michelle Carter.

- It's good to meet you, Michelle.

- So, that girl you met in Florida's gonna be here?

- Yeah, she said she was. - Yeah, and after the game?

- My mom is going to take my sisters to the beach, so...

- Whoa. - Yeah.

- Well, you've been practicing on your own since fifth grade.

- You'll be a champ. - Funny guy.

- Well, let's welcome our hometown Bulldogs

to the field. - Okay.

Let's obliterate these assholes.

- It's time to play ball.

- I really want my first time to be with you but...

I'm just--I'm not ready, and...

- We don't have to go all the way.

- Can we just wait?

You know, what's the rush?

- We can do other things.

- If you don't want to, I mean--

- Just-- - We don't have--

- I'm scared.

I love you. Do you love me?

- Of course.

- After that, did Michelle and your brother ever communicate?

- By text. They were always texting.

- So they never saw each other again in person?

They only texted for a year?

- Last night I dreamed I was in Heaven with you.

But then I fell down to Earth and went to Hell.

I was scared.

- Don't be scared. You're going to Heaven, babe.

But I'm going to Hell.

The Devil told me. I see him all the time.

- Me, too.

Satan brought us together.

Maybe Hell's where we're supposed to be.

- Hi.

Unless you wanna get trampled, you might wanna move.

- Sorry.

- Well, don't leave completely.

We could always use a cheerleader.

I'm Lisa Meyerson.

- Do you want to come here on Saturday?

- Um, one second.

Can't, I have rowing.

I'm Conrad Henry Roy III.

- I want to blow you.

- Yeah?

- Let me swallow it, baby.

Let me make you feel so good.

- And I will swallow. I'll make you feel so good.

- I'll come and get you tomorrow.

I can't tomorrow, actually.

I need to lose some weight before I see you.

As I look into your eyes

and kiss the beauty of your smile,

it all makes sense tile by tile.

But all those little things you hate about yourself

will one day vanish and be placed on a very high shelf.

When you need help and you are filled with fears,

I'll always be here to dry your tears.

God gives his battles to his toughest soldiers.

You are a soldier that can move any boulder.

You are the strongest person I have ever known...

- Hey. - And you will never be alone.

- Hey, Conrad, you swore to me.

You know what pot does to you.

Do you wanna go back to being depressed?

- I promise I'll stop, okay?

- Why don't you like me?

- I don't know.

- No one's ever gonna love you like I did.

- Hey, beautiful. - Hi!

- I love this one!

- I was there for you at your all-time low,

and I helped you through it

and you're just gonna dump me now that you're better?

Do you hate me?

- No, I just can't do long distance.

You're wonderful. You're beautiful.

- Beautiful girls get invited to parties

and their friends call and wanna hang out.

Wonderful girls don't spend Friday nights alone.

They don't lock themselves in their room to cry.

I have to go.

- Hey, Michelle. - Um, I'm sorry.

Is it okay if I just barge in like this?

- Yeah, sit. - Of course, yeah.

- Okay. - Have a seat.

- What's up?

- Paula, how would you describe your relationship

with Michelle Carter in high school?

- Just, like, talking in school.

That was the extent of it.

- Wow, Tracy, I am so jealous of you.

If I ate that, that would literally

go straight to my thighs. Like, five pounds instantly.

- I know. - You're like a fashion model.

- Come on. Thank you.

- Sorry, this is, um, my boyfriend.

I gotta answer this.

He's kind of having a tough time.

- Mmm, go for it.

- I'm sorry I can't be what you need me to be.

- I hope whoever she is makes you happy.

Because I love you and I want you to be so, so happy.

- Hey.

- What is that?

Oh, my God. Did somebody hit you?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

- Was it at home?

Did you get into another fight at school?

- I told you. I don't wanna talk about it.

- I love you so much.

You wanna hang out tomorrow?

- Sure.

- No sures. I want a yes or a no.

- Yeah, but we won't.

- Chick from Plainville?

- Yeah.

- I thought you were doing that Lisa girl.

God, why are these girls so hung up?

Seriously. - Don't tell me.

- Remember that Instagram I did last week?

- A picture of you with "Freshly Baked?"

- Mm-hmm.

God, how stupid was I to think that she wouldn't see that?

- See you in Bio, bro.

- This is Conrad Henry Roy III talking to you about what's

been going on inside my head.

I've made a monster out of myself the past few years

because of my depression.

And I think I can either develop as a person,

be more fluid, articulate,

or I can just sit in my sorrows.

Um, you know, I'm, uh--I'm getting my captain's license.

And not everyone does that.

And, uh, I have a loving mother and sisters,

and not a lot--not everyone has that, either.

- Going into that summer-- - Mm-hmm.

- Did Conrad ever express any intent to harm himself?

- No, he was-- he was doing great.

He, uh--he just graduated high school.

He, um...

just got his captain's license.

Things were moving forward, not backward.

- You know it, like, times like these

I'm thinking, like, "Good, good, good, good, good."

And I have to think that way if I'm gonna get

through another week.

I'm just always gonna want--always, always, always

gonna want more.

- And I know that God has a plan for me.

I just don't know what it is.

I was the happiest kid on planet Earth.

And everything-- I loved everything,

and everything was all sunshine and rainbows.

- I'm trying to lose weight, but I just can't.

I skip breakfast and then I eat, like,

an apple for lunch.

Then I always end up losing control on junk food,

and it makes me so upset because I just wanna be--

skinny and perfect like you guys.

- You never skip breakfast, Michelle.

That just leads to binging later.

- Yeah.

- You're so right.

I've been doing this all completely wrong.

- Do you think you guys could, like, maybe help me

make up a meal chart or something?

Yeah. - We could do that.

- You guys are the best. Thank you.

- And my parents love me to death.

And I feel very lucky to have them in my life.

But I don't know. I feel like I failed.

And I'm never gonna get better.

- I'm trying to lose weight, but I just can't.

I'm just not ready to start eating breakfast yet.

But do you think maybe if I eat a salad at lunch like you do

it'll maybe help fill me up more?

- Yeah, take small steps in the right direction.

Get a salad, add some chicken for protein,

and that should fill you up.

- And milk on the side is good, too.

- Yeah. - You're right.

I'm sorry I'm being so stupid about this.

- You're fine.

- I've never felt worse.

My negative thoughts have total control of me,

and I can't stop them.

- Conrad, you're not gonna do anything, right?

- We should be, like, Romeo and Juliet.

- I'd love to be your Juliet.

- But do you know what happens at the end?

- Oh, yeah. Screw that.

We are not dying.

- You don't know how bad the pain in my head is.

I want to die.

- Okay, then what about hanging yourself

or stabbing yourself?

- I have nowhere to do that.

- Yeah, you do. What about sleeping pills?

- I don't have enough of them,

and they're not guaranteed to work.

- Well, if you wanted it bad enough,

you'd find some and try it, right?

I'm proving a point that you don't really wanna do it.

So what are you gonna do?

Keep being all talk and no action?

Or try and get better?

- I don't know. I give up.

I'll text you in the morning.

- Are you gonna be okay tonight?

- Yes.

I won't do anything.

- I love you so much.

- I'm just gonna think.

- Please say you love me back.

- I love you back.

- Okay, so I had this whole new realization.

Like, right now I'm just trying not to eat, like, at all

because I wanna get skinny,

but once I lose weight from not eating,

then I'll be able to eat normally.

Don't you think that makes sense?

- Look, Michelle, I think it's time you talked to your mom

or someone else about this.

I just--I don't think that there's anything else

that we can do to help you anymore.

- Yeah, it's like every time we try to help you

do the right things, you do the opposite.

- Yeah, and we wanna help. Seriously, we do.

But we can't talk to you about every meal

and say the same thing over and over again.

- Yes, yeah. I--you're--you're so right.

Everything you guys are saying is so right.

I'm sorry I'm being such an idiot all the time.

- Please stop apologizing. It's actually getting annoying.

- Do you guys wanna, um, go swimming

at my house this weekend?

It's gonna be so hot and we could just stay in the pool

and never get out.

- It's gonna be a crazy weekend.

We have the early shift at the café on Sunday.

- Yeah. - Sorry.

- Maybe next weekend. - Yeah.

- For months now she's been taking the new medication

her therapist prescribed, Celexa.

This is the source of the involuntary intoxication.

The loss of judgment.

- Dr. Breggin, this is the DSM

in which every currently accepted

psychological syndrome is listed.

Now, could you please open it

and turn to the page where the condition

"involuntary intoxication" appears?

Thank you.

- Thanks.

- Hey, Tracy, order's up.

- Hi, this is Tracy.

I can't talk right now, so leave a message

and I'll call you back.

- I'm sorry I bother you so much.

No one understands.

I stay up at night and think and think and think.

And half the time I don't know what I'm even thinking about.

And I feel too much, and I--I love too much.

And that's my problem.

I love the wrong people who always leave me in the end,

and that makes me think that

there's something wrong with me.

I've always wanted to be one of those beautiful girls

who all the boys liked and all the girls were jealous of.

Because maybe I'd have more friends.

I'm just so lonely.

And I'm so damn tired of it.

Because I never do anything to fix it.

But I need to soon.

Because if I don't, I don't know what's gonna happen.

So please call me.

Call me.

God.

God.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- I can't stop the bad thoughts.

I'll always hate myself. I wish I was someone else.

I have to do it, Michelle. I have to try something.

- Do you think you're actually gonna do it?

- Yeah, probably.

- Really? Or is it all talk?

Because I need to get myself prepared.

- It's like everyone's putting so much pressure on me

to stay alive, like I'm only staying alive for them.

If I didn't have family that loves me,

I would have already.

- You can't live your life for other people

if you're just going to be miserable.

You have to live for yourself and be happy.

And you can't be.

I tried the best I could,

and I can never talk you out of it.

- I don't know if it's bad or good

that you understand me this way.

- It's not that I want you to die.

But you aren't living. You're just surviving.

I don't want you to live this way.

I want you to be happy.

- I don't wanna go to Hell.

I want Jesus to take me with him and be an angel.

- Jesus knows you've never done anything wrong.

He'll take care of you, babe.

You'll be happy and protected in Heaven.

- I worry about what's gonna happen to my mom.

All she wants is for me to be happy.

I don't want my parents to feel like failures.

I don't want my sisters to grieve me.

- Of course your family is gonna grieve you.

I mean, whenever people lose someone they love...

- "They grieve them.

"Your mom will definitely be sad and lost for a few weeks,

"but she will get better and she has support from family

and friends."

- "She will know that you just wanted to be happy,

"and instead of crying for you,

she will smile knowing that you're in a better place."

- Your parents are not failures.

And they will not think they are.

They will be okay. I promise.

I'll even call your mom every now and then to check in.

You might be gone, but your spirit and memory

will never die.

And if this is the only way

you think you're gonna be happy,

Heaven will welcome you with open arms.

You're gonna be the most beautiful angel there ever was

because you're gonna be my angel.

I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Great job today. - Thank you.

- What's up? Come in here.

- Is today the day?

- Yeah.

- Do you know what I'm talking about?

- We hang out?

- No, I mean the other thing.

- Michelle.

Come on, we gotta get these kids changed.

- Be right back, kickball.

- Are you gonna do it tonight?

- I'm gonna try.

- Are you seriously going to try?

Because I don't wanna seem like a fool.

When are you doing it?

- When everyone's asleep.

- So how are you going to do it?

- Duct tape a plastic bag to my head.

- You're just gonna end up ripping it off.

I mean, you can try, but your brain won't let you do it.

- I'll take Benadryl so I fall asleep.

- I'm staying up all night with you until you do it.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

- If you have a son, I want you to name him Conrad.

And you can tell him all about me.

Have him read a lot about tug boats

and introduce him to baseball.

- He's gonna be the star player on his baseball team.

- That makes me so proud.

- What are you doing? - Watching "Glee."

Preparing myself for tonight. You?

- I don't want my mom to be the one to find me.

I was thinking of going to the woods.

- Okay.

There's no turning back now.

No changing your mind because you'll just regret

not doing it and you'll get worse.

- I wish you could be with me holding my hand through it.

- I'll hold your hand and cry with you

and tell you how much I love you.

- Goodnight.

See you in the next life.

- Coco? Coco, come here.

- Does your ear still hurt?

The antibiotics didn't work?

- It's still really bad.

- Oh.

Wanna try to the pain spot?

Does that help?

- Hey, why wasn't I invited to this party?

- Because it's very exclusive.

[Stephen Emil Dudas & Mark G Hart's "Down and Dirty"]

- ♪ I'm a miner looking for gold ♪

- ♪ And I just hit the mother lode ♪

♪ She's rich and I'm ready ♪

- Sorry, the bag tore, and then the Benadryl

put me to sleep. - That's such a lie.

- You said you wanted this bad,

and I knew you weren't gonna try hard,

and I poured my heart out to you thinking that

this was gonna be the last time I talk to you.

I feel played and just stupid.

- Don't.

I'm gonna do it, I just have to figure out how.

- Plastic bag over your head is only a 23% chance of dying.

And the overdose on pills and drugs

can take up to two hours,

so I don't know if that's worth it.

You want something quick.

Gunshots to the head is a 99% chance of working.

- Hanging is an 89% chance.

- Carbon monoxide is an 80% chance,

and pills hardly ever work.

Carbon monoxide is the best option.

If you fall asleep in your car while it's running in a garage

it will kill you. It takes up to 15 minutes.

- And there's no pain.

- Hey.

Going to work today? - Yeah.

- Okay, well, I got some waffles cooking.

Should be ready in about five. - Okay, thanks, Mom.

- Okay.

- My mom just saw my laptop.

The page said, "suicide methods,"

and she looked right at it. - And what did she say?

- She ignored it.

- Maybe she's realizing how miserable you are

and she's accepting that you'll be happy in Heaven.

- I hope so. I wish I was a baby.

- Why?

- So I could live and start over.

I'm dying inside.

- I know. You're completely dead inside.

- I really hope I can do this.

Portable generator. That's it.

I can turn it on in the back of my truck and fall asleep.

- You're a genius.

- I'll find one at work.

And the best thing is my truck doesn't have to be on.

I can park somewhere and croak.

I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Oh, I totally didn't know you guys were working today.

- Hey, Michelle.

- So, I just had this crazy thought.

You guys love camping, right? - Yeah.

- Well, um, do you wanna stay over tonight

and go camping in my backyard in a tent?

Uh, I have a fire pit and a swimming pool

and we can make s'mores and go swimming.

- I told you we have the early shift tomorrow.

- Well, you remember Conrad, right?

- Yeah, the guy from the Cape. Are you still dating him?

- Yeah, he's extremely depressed.

Like, texting me all day long constantly.

I feel like I'm his shrink or something.

I could just totally use an all night of just fun.

- Uh, what time? - Awesome.

Um, okay, just come over at 6:00

and we'll set up the tent. - Cool.

- Great.

- Oh.

See? That's him right now.

Never stops.

- I got the generator.

- So it's tonight?

- Yeah, then poof. Straight to Heaven.

- Guided by God.

- And then I'll be happy again.

- What's something fun to do at sleepovers?

- Watch movies.

I don't know. I hope you're okay.

- I am right now.

But later I won't be.

- Why not?

- Because you're gonna be dead.

Don't forget to bring swimsuits.

- Okay, girls, this fire is ready.

- Specialty of the house. Campfire cones.

- Ooh, and we have to tell scary stories.

- Okay, girls, you keep having an awesome time, huh?

- Have fun. - Thanks.

- Thank you.

- Ooh, I have a really good story.

Can I go first? - Sure.

- Yeah. - Okay.

So, this is super scary because it's true.

- Okay.

- In the 1970s, a plane crashed

in the mountains on a snowy day.

And the people who were in it that survived,

they couldn't find any food.

So they had to kill each other.

And then they ate each other's asses

because it had the most meat.

So they were basically sucking their asses.

The end.

Oh.

- I've got it. It's ready.

- Oh, this is Conrad. I'd better take this inside.

Okay. - I will be right back.

- I'm sorry.

- For what?

- Just doing this and everything.

Like I just have one life and I'm blowing it.

- You're fixing it, though. I love you.

- I love you, too.

- Okay, it's on.

- How long till you die?

- About 15 minutes.

- Wait, so this is serious?

Like, the thing is on and you're gonna die soon?

- Conrad?

Conrad, please answer me right now.

You're scaring me.

Conrad, I love you so much. Please say you love me back.

I'm so sorry. I couldn't save you.

Please come back.

- Honey, you okay?

- Yeah, I'll be right out.

- Okay, see you in a bit.

- It's really good. - Mm-hmm.

- Hi.

- Hey. - Hi.

I like mine when they catch on fire

'cause I'm flametastic.

- Oh, you guys are leaving already?

- Yeah. - We told you we have

an early shift. - Yeah.

- But it so hot out. We could go for a swim.

Can't you guys just change your shift?

- I'm sorry, just not this early on a Sunday.

- Thanks for having us. - We'll see you later, okay?

- Okay. - I'll call you.

- I'm okay.

It started and then it broke.

- I just don't think you really want this.

You just keep pushing it off to another night

and you say you'll do it, but you never do.

- I have another idea.

I can get a water pump from work.

It does the same thing.

- You better not be bullshitting me

saying you're gonna do this and then purposely get caught.

Are you getting it now?

- Not yet.

- Well, when are you getting it?

- My mom's making me go to the beach.

I'll do it after I get home.

- Okay, promise?

- I'm in the worst pain right now.

Like, it's unbearable.

- Conrad, it's time to go. - Okay.

I left my backpack at work.

- Thank you so much for coming last night.

It was so fun.

I'm--I'm working today, but not tomorrow.

You wanna go kayaking?

- Leave them on the counter.

- I love you so, so, so much.

You'll be in my heart forever

and I'll always look up at the sky

and smile at you.

- And I'll be looking down and smiling back

when you accomplish all your goals

and fight your eating disorder.

- When you get to Heaven, will you give me a sign

that you're watching me?

- Yes.

- Guess who's here?

- Who?

- Jesus.

Literally there's a guy walking around

in a Jesus costume.

- It's a sign.

It's meant to be.

- I can't believe in six weeks

I'm gonna be packing up my baby for college.

Thinking about what classes you wanna take?

- Uh, kind of.

- How about psychology? You know?

After everything you've been through and how--

how genius you are with your sister?

- I think you'd be amazing working with kids.

- Mom, I'm not smart the way the kids at Fitchburg are.

- Wha--okay, is that why you got a full scholarship?

Is that why you had a 3.88 grade point average?

Look, sweetheart, if--if you don't think you're ready to go,

don't.

- So I can just, like, work on the boat?

That'd be fine with you? - If you love it enough.

You can do anything you want, angel.

That's Captain Angel to you.

Aye, aye, sir.

- Do you promise to not start crying if I say,

"I love you," right now?

Nope, too risky. Never mind.

I won't say it. - I'm gonna get you, though.

- Whoo!

- I'm a guy! You can't be chasing me!

I'm scared, babe.

- You called me babe.

- I'm serious.

- I guess you aren't gonna do it, then.

All that for nothing.

- I'm gonna eventually.

- See? That's what I mean.

You keep pushing it off.

- I just don't know how to leave my mom and my sisters.

- Say you're going to the store or something.

- No, then they'll know I left them.

- Your parents know you're in a really bad place.

They've tried helping. Everyone's tried.

But there's a point that comes

when there's nothing anyone can do to save you.

Not even yourself.

And I think your parents know you've hit that point.

There's nothing to be scared of.

Jesus is going to hold you in his arms

and rock you till all the pain goes away forever.

- Conrad's so mean.

- Why am I so mean?

- Because you won't take us for ice cream.

- And who said I won't?

- I told you it would work.

- I'll see you at home. - Okay.

- Conrad's missing. They can't find him anywhere.

- This is her dry run, Your Honor,

to see if she gets the attention

that she is so desperate for from these girls

that have pushed her away.

- I told you how depressed he was.

I'm really scared.

- Oh, my God.

Thank you so much for calling me.

- Since when has he been missing?

- Um, since last night.

We were supposed to hang out today.

What if he did something?

- My dad's a cop.

I--He has all kinds of friends out on the Cape

I can get him to help.

- No, no, no, um...

Let me just talk to his mom first and find out everything.

- Keep us posted. Call us every minute, okay?

- Okay.

- Um, can I have Raspberry Cha-Cha

with Almond Joy?

Wait, sorry, no. And frozen pudding.

- I'm gonna get the Double Death By Chocolate.

I'm going for broke here.

- All right, if you want sprinkles, raise your hand.

Me!

- Did they find him? - No.

They're calling the police now, and I'm losing all hope

that he's even still alive.

- Well, be good, all right?

- When am I not good? - Coco, hug.

- Okay, fine, real quick. Okay, I gotta go.

- See you later. - Bye.

- Bye, see you guys.

- Hey. - I'm here.

- Where? - Um, Fairhaven.

Kmart parking lot.

- I'm gonna get some more ice tea.

Is it on?

- Yes.

- I told you I'd be here holding your hand,

and I'm here.

Thank you.

- I love you so, so, so much.

- Wh--What happened?

- Um, I, uh-- I got out of the truck.

I'm too scared.

- Conrad, I know you're just going to do this

all over again tomorrow.

And I can't have you living the way you're living.

I won't let you.

- I just keep--

I keep seeing my mom and-- and my dad

and my sisters crying about me.

- I won't let that happen to them.

I'll always be there for them and help them.

Conrad...

do you remember everything we said

that was going to make you happy?

- Uh, being with Jesus

and having him, um...

rock me in his arms.

- Conrad, you have to get back in that truck.

- If I want to see Jesus.

- I love you.

- If I want to see Jesus.

If I want to see Jesus.

- Conrad?

Conrad, can you hear me?

- It's Michelle.

- Hi, did they find Conrad?

- Oh, my God, Paula.

I am so scared. He just called me.

And I heard a loud noise like a motor,

and then I heard moaning like someone was in pain.

And he wouldn't answer when I called his name.

I stayed on and that is all I heard.

I...

think he killed himself.

- No, I don't think so because he called you, Michelle.

That was his way of not talking

but letting you know that he's okay.

- Oh, my God. I feel so stupid.

The generator he bought the other day,

I think that was the loud noise I heard.

I just looked it up.

They omit carbon monoxide.

- Your Honor, she's pretending that the idea

of the carbon monoxide poisoning didn't come from her.

- I think he poisoned himself with it.

I--This is all my fault. I should have known.

I don't even know what to do right now.

I--I think I have to call his family.

Hey, Beverly. It's Michelle Carter.

I'm dating your brother again.

And he hasn't answered me.

I'm just starting to get a little worried.

Is he okay?

- I think he's at my dad's. I'll ask my mom.

- Conrad, are you getting this?

Beverly told me you're at your dad's.

I thought you actually did it.

I'm scared.

Are you okay? I love you.

Please answer.

- He's not at Chris's, either.

- Did he say anything to Dad about where he was going?

- No, he never went over there at all.

- I can't stand to see you this way anymore.

You can't live like this.

You need to get help whether you want to or not.

- Conrad, can you call me back as soon as you get this, okay?

I love you. I'll see you soon.

- Hello?

- Um, Michelle, hi. It's Lynn Roy.

- Hi.

Uh--Uh, please tell me he's all right.

- He didn't come home last night.

Nobody's seen him. Listen, um....

Did he say anything to you yesterday

about where he might be going?

- Mmm...

No.

Nothing.

I'm so sorry, um,

I'm gonna help you look for him.

Okay? As soon as my mom comes,

she'll take me. - Okay, thank you, Michelle.

Listen, his dad's out looking for him right now.

- Call me if you hear anything. Bye, now.

- Uh, it's a black Ford F-250.

- There's a bunch of stickers in the back window.

- Uh, he's wearing a Boston Strong T-shirt.

It's, uh, bright blue.

- Mom...

- Hey, is Conrad okay?

- He's dead.

They found him in his truck.

- Conrad's dead.

What--What--What happened to him?

- They don't know yet.

I have to go be with my mom.

I'll call you later.

- Okay, um...

- Oh, sweetheart.

Oh.

- I'm sorry, Mom.

I just need, um--I-- I need a minute, okay?

- Of course. - Okay?

Okay. - But I'm right here.

And--And I love you so much.

- Paula, I just talked to his sister.

He's dead. He committed suicide.

Is there any way you can come over?

- Tracy, he's dead. He committed suicide.

Can you come over tonight?

Hi, Tracy.

Excuse me.

Oh.

Sorry.

- Lynn, oh. I'm here for you.

Whatever you need. - Oh.

- Here for you. - Thank you for coming.

- Do you think that maybe I could have some of his ashes

and maybe go into his room and find something

to remember him by?

- Uh, we can--we can talk about that, okay?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Thank you.

- Mom, Dad...

I found something in Conrad's room.

It's for Dad.

- Oh.

"Dad, I love you.

"You may be tough on me, but...

"I understand why.

"I can't take the pain.

"I did this to finally be happy.

"Don't feel any guilt.

"I love you.

"Everyone be happy

"and live life to the fullest.

Shine bright. I love you."

- There's another one.

- Who's it for?

- He left me a note?

- Yeah, it says, uh, "To Michelle."

- Wh--Who else did he leave notes for?

- Uh, just his dad and you.

Would you like me to read it to you?

- Yes, Lynn, thank you.

- "To Michelle.

"You taught me how to be strong and carry on.

"This life has been too challenging

"and troublesome for me

"but I will forever be in your heart.

"And we'll meet up someday in Heaven.

"Uh, I wish I could express my gratitude,

"but I--I feel brain dead.

"Keep your heart beating.

"Keep pushing forward and let the light guide you.

I love you." - Oh, Lynn.

Thank you, thank you.

Um, do you think I could have that?

- Of course.

Just, uh, call and come by and get it any time.

Okay, good-bye. - Good-bye.

- Oh, Michelle. - Come here.

I'm the only one he left a note for.

I was the most important person in the world to him.

- You got the password? - Yeah, from his dad.

Whoa. Check this out.

Looks like this kid had help.

- No way.

- Give me someone in digital forensics.

- Hey, Michelle. How are you?

- I'm okay. How are you doing?

- God, I miss him.

- I know, but just because he isn't there physically,

he's still there in spirit.

He's all around you all the time.

He's the ocean waves and the shining sun.

The wild wind and the pouring rain.

- I just keep--I just keep feeling like I failed him,

you know?

- I never wanna hear you say that again.

If anything,

it's my fault.

It's something I'll never forgive myself for.

You tried your hardest to save him.

Thank you, Michelle. Thank you.

- You're so welcome, Lynn.

Um, I--

I know you must be so overwhelmed right now.

But I was wondering if I could come grab the letter

Conrad wrote to me.

- Oh, uh, I'm so sorry. I don't have it anymore.

The police took it.

- The police?

- Yeah, uh, when they came to get his computer.

Why did they need to do that?

- Uh, they said it was standard protocol.

You know, when there's an unattended death.

- Did they take his phone, too?

- Uh, well, they already had it.

But I will get everything back,

uh, when they finish the routine,

and I will give you the note.

I know he would want you to have it.

- If they read my messages, it's gonna seem like

I wanted him to, but I didn't at all.

I just read this thing online where it said if you agree

with the person then it'll make them realize

how stupid they're being and they'll stop,

but it didn't work.

And if the cops see it the wrong way,

his family will hate me, and--

- Don't worry about it, Michelle.

They'll see how much you cared about him

and how much you loved him.

- And that he was going to do it no matter what anybody said.

- Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.

I'm hoping that they'll see that I didn't bully him at all.

You know what? Time out from all this.

Something you guys have to see.

And I really need a laugh. I think you could use one, too.

- Hey!

- Hey.

- Your funeral was so beautiful.

I wish you could have seen how many people loved

and cared about you.

Maybe then you'd still be here.

I'm sorry I let you do this. I should have stopped you.

I love you so much. You're my guardian angel.

I'm smiling up at you. Do you see me?

You promised you'd send me a sign.

Why haven't you?

What should I do?

I'm realizing I failed him. Tracy, his death is my fault.

Like, honestly, I could have stopped him.

I was on the phone with him.

And he got out of the car...

- "Because he got scared and I told him to get back in

"because I couldn't have him live that way,

the way he was living anymore."

- I couldn't do it. I wouldn't let him.

- Michelle, you know what I'm gonna say.

There's nothing you could do to stop him.

I'll talk to you in the morning, okay?

- Okay. Goodnight.

Thank you.

- A tournament? - Yes.

I wanna call it, "Homers for Conrad."

And we'll sell tickets and every dime will go

to suicide prevention awareness.

Well, doesn't that sound like the best way

to honor his memory?

- Yeah, um, tell me why you're having it in Plainville

instead of here where all of his friends and family are.

- Oh, well, I wouldn't be able to do it from here.

I don't know the fields or the advertisers.

- I'm just curious.

How come he only ever mentioned your name, like, once?

How many times did you actually see him in person?

- Conrad and I were end game, and we both knew it.

He didn't have to tell anybody that.

- Let's go, dude.

- Do the Roys have a team?

- Lynn said she's putting one together.

- Okay, I'll do a Facebook page.

- Well, you're not gonna just take credit for it, are you?

It was my idea.

- Wouldn't think of it.

- Awesome.

Thank you. This is gonna be amazing.

- Conrad Roy was the bright light and the love of my life.

- What happened? - The most genuine

and perfect boyfriend a girl could ever ask for.

No one will ever understand our love story,

and they don't have to.

We were forever, and he was my person.

I'm sorry I couldn't save him.

I never tried harder in my life to save someone

as hard as I did him.

So let's hope the money we raise here today

will help save the next person who needs a helping hand.

For everyone who loved and admired Conrad

as much as I did,

with your love, we will get through this together.

I know that Conrad is up there

smiling down on all of us right now,

so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you so much for coming.

Carol.

Hi. I can't believe you came.

- This is a really great thing that you're doing.

- Thank you. Um, Mom, Dad, look who's here.

- Hi! - Well, hey, stranger.

- How are you?

- Mmm. - Miss Carter?

Hi, Michelle, I'm Detective Spain

with the Fairhaven Police. And this is Detective Duke.

We understand you've been very helpful to the Roy family

and we've certainly seen evidence of that today.

- Thank you.

- We did determine that you probably had

a lot of contact with Conrad

- Uh, yes.

- Maybe even right up pretty close to the time

he stopped having contact with anyone.

- Did you have contact with Conrad the day he passed?

- I think so, yeah.

- Did he tell you he was gonna do it that day

or anything like that?

- Uh, well, actually, he'd been talking about it for a while.

I was trying to tell his mother,

but I--I didn't have her contact at that time.

I only had it after the fact.

- We do have a search warrant for your phone.

- Michelle, what's going on?

- Officer, may I ask who issued this warrant and why?

- May we have your phone, please?

- The case some are calling, "Death By Text"

captures the full attention of the country.

- She faces up to 20 years if convicted.

- Can one person be held legally responsible

for the suicide of another?

- This case is so critical for the rest of the country

and for teenagers and young people alike

to realize how damaging texting can be.

- The text messages and Facebook posts

are extensive and also very disturbing

- She's a teenager, she's got emotional troubles,

and she's taking medication. - Yes, she's evil.

That is her trouble.

- Michelle Carter waived her right to a jury trial.

Now only a judge will hear testimony

and decide if she is guilty of involuntary manslaughter.

- Your Honor, this was a suicide, not a homicide.

Conrad Roy's death was brought about by the physical actions

and thought process of an individual

who wanted to take his own life.

- The police station was less than half a mile down the road.

But she sat there on the phone

and listened to him die and did nothing.

- We're not dealing with somebody

who didn't have the mental capacity to understand

that if I get in that truck...

- And start up that generator,

I will die.

- Conrad Roy, Your Honor, never got to wake up on July 13th.

- Conrad chose to breathe those fumes, Your Honor.

- The last thing that he heard before his death

was the defendant telling him to kill himself.

- In a text to Michelle,

Conrad took responsibility for his own death.

- Michelle told Tracy, "They read my messages

with him, and I'm done."

- He didn't want anyone to feel guilty about it, Your Honor,

because it was his choice and his choice alone.

- She absolutely knew it was wrong

and she absolutely caused the death of this young man.

- I ask you to acquit Michelle Carter.

- And I ask you to find her guilty.

- Thank you, council.

When I have reached my decision,

the clerk's office will inform you

that we will meet the following morning.

For now, we are in recess until I reach my decision.

- All rise.

- This court first finds that the Commonwealth

has not proven that the behavior of Miss Carter

caused the death of Mr. Roy.

It is apparent to this court

that Mr. Roy was struggling with his issues

and took extreme actions on his own to address them.

However, Miss Carter instructed Mr. Roy

to get back in the truck,

having reason to know

that it was becoming a toxic environment,

inconsistent with human life.

She did not notify the police or Conrad's mother or sister.

She did not issue the simple instruction,

"Get out of the truck."

Consequently, this court finds

that said conduct caused the death of Mr. Roy.

Miss Carter, would you please stand?

This court finds you guilty

on the indictment charging you with involuntary manslaughter.

This court sentences you to 30 months

in the Bristol County House of Corrections,

15 months of said sentence

suspended pending observance of the terms of probation.

- Your Honor, Michelle has been fully cooperative

with law enforcement throughout the process.

She has no passport.

Every incentive to stay here in this community with her family.

I move that she be allowed supervised release

pending appeal.

- Motion so granted.

- What? - We are adjourned.

- Hey, babe.

I was thinking about you the whole day today.

I love you and I miss you so, so much.

It's been tough, but I always feel you with me.

Conrad, you're forever in my heart,

my beloved, my person.

Smile down on me.

- You ready in there? - Ready.

I don't know, some of my friends didn't act

how it thought they were gonna act towards me,

but I liked my outfit, and I know you did, too, babe.

I'll make sure all the boys want me.

I'm yours for life, though. Always remember that.

- Oh, no, the boat's leaking!

Look, Mom, I'm making Dad's star boat fly--