All language subtitles for The.Pirates.Who.Dont.Do.Anything.A.VeggieTales.Movie.2008.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-ABM.english

(VEGGIES SHOUTING)

(CANNONS FIRING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Stand firm, men, for
the King and Monteria!

(YELLS)

Back to the sea, dog!

(GRUNTING)

Prince Alexander!

Drop your weapons or say
goodbye to your prince!

Robert. I should have known you
were behind this cowardly attack.

Hello, nephew. Sorry I've
missed the family reunions,

but it's been difficult,
being banished and all.

Your punishment
was well-earned.

That depends
on your point of view.

But since your daddy has left
you alone and unprotected,

I thought we could get
reacquainted.

His absence
is but temporary.

He has business
across the Western Sea.

Is that what he told you?

(CHUCKLING)

He knew I was growing strong
in the mechanical arts.

Too strong, perhaps,
for even him.

You fight bravely
for the son of a coward.

(GRUNTS)

Tie him up!
Your cutlass!

Plenty more at home.
Leave it.

A calling card
for my cowardly brother.

Take him aboard the Stubb!
And be sure to bring the princess as well!

She's not here.
She stayed behind in Monteria.

Search the ship.
Find the girl.

I tell you,
she's not here!

Aha!

Are you certain
he's gone?

I say, my lady, it may be
prudent to remain under wraps.

My lady?

My brother needs help.

Oh, heavens, my lady!
As your butler, I cannot allow you to...

Step aside, Willory.

But, my lady,
it's a boatful of pirates

and your fencing classes
have just begun!

You're not yet
up to the task!

Perhaps you're right.

Then there's only
one thing to do.

Indeed. Stay hidden until
the rogues have left.

My lady?

What is it?

It's from my father.
His own creation.

He said I was to use it only
in the gravest of circumstances.

(PIRATES SHOUTING)

I'd say this qualifies.

But what does it do?

It's a Helpseeker.

We need help.
Alexander has been taken.

The situation is dire.
Please bring back...

Let me see.
What do we need?

The army! The navy!

Heroes. We need heroes
that can save Alexander!

She's not on board, sir.

Blast! Send spies to Monteria
and the surrounding isles.

I need them both.

Heroes?

Yes. Heroes.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(WHOOPS)

ALL: (SINGING) Oh

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

For King and country,
now we fight

Our shirts are loose
Our pants are tight

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

Have you seen
the show before?

No, too expensive.

My boyfriend got me in for
free tonight. He works here.

Oh, mine, too.
Family Night, right?

Right.
Is he in the show?

No, he's just
a cabin boy.

Same here.
But not for long.

Elliot says he's a shoo-in for
the show, as soon as he tries out.

Wait. You're Elliot's date?
Our boyfriends are friends!

(GASPING)

Is that bad?

No. There's something
behind you.

Where is he?

For the flower
of all gourds.

Oh, Sedgewick,
you're too cute.

Anything for you, Ellen.

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

As Spaniards quake
to see the sight

Our flag unfurled
with black and white

(ALL WHOOPING)

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight!

WOMAN: Hooray, Sir Frederick!

Picture for
the happy couple?

Sure, why not?

Oh, Sedgewick, come here.
Put your face close to me.

Look at that.
Soy la reina.

I'm the queen,
you're the king.

(CLEARING THROAT)

I'll catch up
with you later.

WOMAN: Hey!
Cabin boy! Refill!

I'm telling you this job
will be the death of me.

But you're going to
keep at it

so you don't end up back
in your parents' basement.

Right.

I like your toy.

It's not a toy, it's
a labor-saving device!

Sedgewick, meet Bernadette.
She's Elliot's girlfriend.

Pleased to meet you.

Sweetie, how about
having your little car

fetch me some barbecue sauce?

It's in the back room.

Out of range.

Well, how about you fetch
me some barbecue sauce?

It's in the back room.
Out of range.

Sedgewick!

(CHUCKLING)
There he is now. Hi, Elliot.

Hey, Bernadette.

Elliot, would you run
to the back room

and get some barbecue sauce
for my new friend, Ellen?

You know I would, Bernadette,
but, it's just that

the back room
is real, real dark.

And?

It's on my list.

His list?

His list of things he's afraid of.
It's extensive.

Well, I don't need
barbecue sauce that badly.

Why doesn't
he get it?

Too much work.

George!
ALL: Huh?

We'll have George get it.
You can talk him into anything.

GEORGE: I'm back!

What took so long?

Oh, I had to run an errand
for another cabin boy.

George.

Oh, it was nothing.
How do the kids like the show?

It's great. Did you see Sir Frederick
knock that guy into the water?

I liked it when he
swung on the rope.

They're both pretty taken
with Sir Frederick.

He's cool!
Yeah!

Right.

Hey, after the show's over,

you want me to take you
down on the pirate ship?

Sir Frederick
is gonna take us.

What?

You don't need to wait
for Sir Frederick.

I could take you
on the set tonight.

Yeah, Dad, but Mom says
if we come back on Friday

I can bring some money and get a
sword just like Sir Frederick's.

I'll wait till Friday.

(LAUGHING)
You're no match for me!

Take that!
Taste my steel!

Cool!
Did you see Sir Frederick?

He's a hero!

MAN: Hey, cabin boy!
Refill!

(GROANS)

Coming.

(SIGHING)

I can't believe my own
kids are coming back

to get a tour
from Sir Frederick.

It's just 'cause
he's in the show.

And he's big and strong
and brave and manly.

When I'm in the show,
after my audition,

Bernadette'll think
I'm a hero, too.

Yeah, after
your audition.

Look at George here. This guy
knows every line in that show.

He knows more about pirates
than Blackbeard himself.

So, why didn't
he try out?

Yeah, George.
Why don't you?

It would never work.
I'm just not the type.

There you go.

(ALL GASPING)

Excuse me, sir.
The day's show is over.

I say, the show is over.

The hour is near.
The call is coming.

Adventure awaits.

Though you will stumble, the
crab will show you the light.

When adversity devours you,
a lever will set you free.

When all hope is gone, help will
come from above in the shape of

a donkey!

Take heed, O friends.

The stage is set
for the heroes at hand.

The crab of adversity
will devour the donkey?

What was that about?

And why would a blind guy come
to a dinner theater, anyway?

Maybe he likes the music.

I know what it means.
BOTH: What?

Don't you see? "The stage is
set for the heroes at hand."

We're gonna be
in the show, all of us.

What?

Listen to me.
There's the stage.

We're the heroes
at hand. Get it?

If we all audition,
we're going to be stars.

How would he know?

The blind are often
blessed with keen insight.

Our gals would really look up
to us if we were in the show.

And my kids would think
I'm a hero.

The stage is set
for the heroes at hand.

I got my own set of pirate
costumes in my locker.

I've been saving them for,
you know, whatever.

"The hour is near."

"The call is coming."

Let's give it a shot!

Okay, let's get this
over with.

It's way past my bedtime.

Ready when you are,
Mr. Hibbing!

All right.

Andy, cue the music
and the lights.

Scene Three positions.
Let's see what you've got.

ELLIOT: Here we go.

Avast, you scurvy dogs.

You came from the sea and
to the sea you shall return.

Pirate two, position five.

Okay.

I go aloft, Captain.

The height will afford me
a keener view.

(YELLING)

Pirate three,
position four.

Your cutlass be sharper
than your mind, bilge rat.

(EXCLAIMS)

Can I do my lines from here?
I'm pooped.

Trigger B.

(MECHANICAL ROARING)

Whoa!
That's on my list.

(GRUNTING)

Ahoy.

(ALL SCREAMING)

I can't believe he fired us
just for failing an audition.

And breaking
the restaurant.

Man, that's it for me.

It's back to my parents'
basement and goodbye Ellen.

I needed that job.

Sure, we can get
some ice cream.

Okay, double-fudge for me.

Hi, Jacob.
Hello, Mr. Lewis.

Heard about
your audition.

I guess that makes you
"The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything."

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Well, tough luck.
Some guys got it and some guys don't.

JACOB: No wonder George Jr.
wants to hang out with us.

His dad's a loser.

(SIGHING)

I don't know what went wrong.
The old man...

What went wrong is
that we listened to you!

I should be at home
right now, watching TV

as a happily employed
cabin boy.

I guess guys like us will
never be more than cabin boys.

Oh, come on, guys.

Things look kind of bad right now,
but something will turn up.

See what I mean?

Free garbage.

Oh, now we're headed someplace.
We've got a metal ball.

(WHIRRING)
Well, what is it?

Well, it could be something
valuable, like a Russian satellite.

Or maybe a bomb.

I don't think
it's a bomb.

(BEEPING)
Uh-oh.

I told you it was a bomb.

Chuck it in the river.
It think it might be a bomb.

I don't think it's a bomb.
I think it's a bomb.

It's a bomb!
It's a bomb for sure!

I saw this on TV once.

It's a bomb!

I don't think
it's a bomb.

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

(CLICKING)

What happened?

It stopped blinking.

I pushed the button.

You did what?

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

There's something
you don't see every day.

So, we lost our jobs,
but we got a rowboat.

So maybe it's a wash.

SEDGEWICK: Oh, okay.
I'll say, "Hey, Ellen.

"The bad news is,
I got fired

"and I'm living in
my parents' basement again.

"The good news is,
I got a rowboat."

GEORGE: It's so old.

Well, you know the saying.

"Give a man a fish and
he'll eat for a day.

"Give a man a rowboat
and he'll..."

You ruined my life!

(BEEPING)

Hey, we could
have two rowboats.

Wait!

(CLICKS)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

I'm thinking we should avoid
pushing any more buttons!

I was going to
get us another rowboat.

Well, you didn't!

You didn't get us another rowboat!
You got us...

You got us...

Where are we?

GEORGE: We appear
to be at sea.

ELLIOT: It's a lovely day.

(SEDGEWICK SCREAMING)

Take me home!
Put me back!

I don't know how.

Push another button!
You're the king of the buttons!

But it doesn't do anything if they
aren't blinking. They're not blinking.

(WHIMPERING)

See? Nothing.

Hey, I think
I see something.

It's a ship.
Let's row over and check it out.

Row?

Yeah. It's a rowboat.

Each of you grab an
oar and start rowing.

Hey, scoot over a little bit.

We got to even out
the weight a little.

GEORGE: You hold the skinny part.

ELLIOT: I wanna be the rudder.
Can I be the rudder?

GEORGE: You're not
rowing together.

SEDGEWICK:
No, you're going the wrong way.

GEORGE: It's not a metaphor.
I'm talking literally.

It's a girl.
Ahoy, there!

Ahoy, strange seafarers.

What brings you so far from
shore in such a modest vessel?

Well, it's kind of funny.

We found this rowboat
in the alley

because there was a ball
in the garbage truck.

This ball.

(WHISPERING)
The Helpseeker.

Willory, they've come!

WILLORY:
Who's come, my lady?

The heroes.
They're here!

What'd she say?

We've been waiting for you.
Quickly, come up.

It's splendid
to meet you.

I'm Eloise,
Princess of Monteria,

and this is my butler,
Willory.

We haven't much time. Pirates have
taken my brother, Prince Alexander.

With my father, the King,
away in the west,

it is imperative that we
mount a rescue immediately.

So?

Well, you're the heroes.

Any questions?

My lady,
may I have a word?

We need to talk.

Certainly.
One moment.

We'll be
right with you.

I mean no disrespect, but these
men hardly seem the heroic type.

They're short,
rather pudgy,

and for heaven's sake,
they were rowing around the ocean.

What is going on here?

She thinks we're, uh...

Heroes.

But, Willory,
they have the ball.

Perhaps they plucked it from the
ocean or stole it from the real heroes.

They could be pirates
themselves, you know.

I mean,
look how they're dressed.

So, what do we do?

I say we have the asparagus
and the little princess

turn this boat around
and take us home.

Or we take this opportunity

to do what we've
always wanted to do.

Buy go-carts?

No, be heroes.

But we're cabin boys.

They don't know that.
She called us heroes.

You're kidding, right?

Oh, come on,
how hard could it be?

We sail around, we find the
prince, we go back home heroes.

But how
can we trust them?

Because
I trust my father.

He created the Helpseeker for
one purpose, to bring help.

And this is the help
it has brought.

It's kind of nice
to be called a hero.

Sure beats "loser."

Well, gentlemen, are
you ready for adventure?

Point the way!

Oh, you're not pirates,
are you?

Well, we're...

We sure
aren't cabin boys.

We're friendly pirates,
sort of.

Oh. You don't rob
or pillage, do you?

Oh, no, we don't do
any of that stuff.

In fact, we don't do
anything at all.

Back home, they actually call us
"The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything."

(LAUGHING)
That's right.

How comforting.

Well, then, there's
no time to spare.

Great. I'll drive.

We'll just give it some gas.

How do you start this thing?

(LAUGHING) What a kidder.
Elliot, let me take the wheel.

You scramble up to the
yard and unfurl the topsail.

Come again?

Position three.

Oh! Aye, aye, Captain.

So, you guys got TiVo?

Certainly.
Where are my manners?

Willory, kindly bring
our friend some tea.

No, TiVo.

It's the recording thing with
the TV thing in the future.

Tea would be lovely.

(GRUNTS)

The spies
are in place, sir.

This is great.

So, where we headed?

We're coming up on a bunch
of islands. Real pointy ones.

Yes, the Whipcrack Islands.

These treacherous waters
shelter many a desperate pirate.

A skilled captain able to sail
this maze will find, at its center,

the Inn of Jolly Joe,
a popular pirate haunt.

Perhaps we should
turn back.

We cannot turn back.
Alexander is counting on us.

Captain, are you
up to the task?

Sure. Why, exactly,
do we need to go there?

To find out
more about this.

Hey, I've seen that on TV.

You can cut a can with it
and still slice a tomato.

This cutlass belongs to the
pirate who took my brother.

If we find out
who the owner is,

we'll be closer
to finding Alexander.

WILLORY: My lady,
I don't think we're safe.

These waters
teem with pirates,

and you'd make
a handsome prize.

We must do whatever it takes
to rescue my brother, Willory.

Besides, we have our
heroes to watch over us.

Does anyone know
where the bathroom is?

Oh.

Don't worry about a thing, Willory.
It's under control.

Listen here, I don't know who
you are or where you came from,

but I know what a hero is and you
three buffoons are most definitely not.

How do we look,
First Mate Elliot?

Looking good, Captain.
Steady as she goes.

Huh?

Captain, did you see
anything over there?

Hey, I don't see anything.

Hmm.

(CANNON FIRING)

Oh, no!

What? Oh, dear!

Drop your sails and
prepare to be boarded!

Quickly, my lady,
you must hide.

What do I do?

(STUTTERS)

We should drop our sails.

What?

Drop the sails!

Get to the yard and undo the knots.
Position three!

Okay.

Perhaps you don't know
who you're dealing with.

This be One-Eyed Louie,
terror of the Seven Seas.

I'm giving you to the count
of five to drop your sails

or we'll send you
to the bottom.

(PIRATES LAUGHING)
ELLIOT: I'm putting you on my list.

Drop the sails!
Drop the sails!

I don't know
how to untie them.

Five...

They're bowline knots.
Break the back!

Back of what?
Which? Where?

Four...

The rabbit goes around the
tree twice, then down the hole.

Get the rabbit
out of the hole!

What rabbit?

Three...

(SINGING)
Looking for the bathroom

Oh! How quaint.
The princess has a Powder Room!

Locked. All right,
where's the key?

Two...
I'm not getting it.

The rabbit,
the middle, the hole!

Here, key, key, key!

Oh! Look, there you are.

On a big ring,
just like at the gas station.

One.

Come on.
I got to go!

(PIRATES YELLING)

What a marvelous strategy,
pretending you couldn't untie a knot

while Sedgewick crept
down to the gun deck.

What cunning!
What bravery!

(STUTTERING)
Oh, it was nothing. Really.

I told you
they were heroes.

SEDGEWICK: I don't have to
go to the bathroom no more!

PIRATE: Get a move on.
Hurry it up!

Welcome to
my kingdom, Prince.

It's not quite as homely
as your father's,

but it's great
for entertaining.

SAILORS: Whoa!

Have fun!

You can't hide, Robert.
My father will send help.

(LAUGHING)
Oh, I would enjoy that.

All are welcome.

(GRUNTING)

Watch your step.

Any sign
of the inn yet?

Anything?

Not yet.

My father will be very pleased
that his Helpseeker found you all.

You love your dad
a lot, huh?

Oh, yes.
He's a wonderful king.

Wise, brave, but he always finds
time for me, his little Eloise.

Oh, that's great.

I'd figure a king would be
kind of busy most of the time.

Oh, but he's much more
than just an ordinary king.

Do you have children?

Sure do. George Jr.
and Lucy. Great kids.

I'm sure they know how lucky
they are. A hero for a father!

(SIGHING)

ELLIOT: I see something!

It looks like an inn
or something.

WILLORY: I'm asking again,
my lady,

for your own safety,
please return to the ship.

You are a princess, and this inn
is full of treacherous pirates!

Yes, thank you, Willory.

But my brother's
life may be at stake.

Even princesses
can do what's right.

Yes, of course.

You'll need to befriend
a group of pirates,

then ask them about the
owner of this cutlass.

Right.

And, for heaven's sake,
keep your wits about you.

These are treacherous men.

PIRATE: Join in!

PIRATES: (SINGING)

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh,
argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh,
argh, argh, argh!

Grab your root beer,
hold it high!

Whack your shipmate
in the eye!

Yank his hair
and break his nose!

Watch your back,
it's Jolly Joe's!

Grab your root beer,
hold it high!

Whack your shipmate
in the eye!

Yank his hair
and break his nose!

Watch your back,
it's Jolly Joe's!

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

SCOOTER: You've got it
now! Keep it up, lads!

Swing your shipmate, promenade
Smack him with a rusty blade

Spin around and do-si-do

Watch your step,
it's Jolly Joe's

Swing your shipmate, promenade
Smack him with a rusty blade

Spin around and do-si-do

Watch your step,
it's Jolly Joe's

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

SCOOTER: Watch your
backs, scalawagons!

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

Pirates do as pirates please

We're terrors
of the Seven Seas

And when we've pillaged
all our foes

There ain't no place
like Jolly Joe's!

Grab a keg of ginger ale
Hop up on a wooden pail

Drop it on
your shipmate's toes!

Oh!

There ain't no place
like Jolly Joe's!

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh,
argh, argh, argh, argh, argh

Argh, great! Argh!

(PIRATES CHATTERING)

They sound jolly, but
they don't look so jolly.

Okay, boys,
deal them up.

That deck's got
to be swabbed.

Excuse me, gentlemen.
I was wondering if you could,

if you could tell me...

(STUTTERING)

(GEORGE TITTERING)

What's the matter there?
Parrot got your tongue?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, I...

He looks like a captain,
but he talks like a cabin boy!

It isn't going to work.
Let's just go.

Let me try. You got to know
how to talk to these guys.

Argh!
'Twas a fine day at sea today.

Took a 12-gun brigantine
and 10,000 pieces of eight.

Argh! Well, we took
an 18-gun sloop

and 20,000 pieces
of eight.

Aye, but did you
show no mercy?

Not a bit!

Were you cruel and unusual?

The cruelest!

Well, me hearties,
that was a fine day!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Grab a chair,
and join the game!

All right!

Come on in. Serve them up,
pour them up, pull them up.

Ahem! By the way, mateys,
have any of you seen this?

(ALL GASPING)

(CHAIRS RATTLING)

Is that a yes or a no?

JOLLY JOE: Aye, lad.

The cutlass
belongs to Robert.

Robert the Terrible.

My uncle!

You have his cutlass,
but you're not he.

The others were fooled,
but I know better.

You know where we
could find this fellow?

His fortress is hidden.

But I've heard tell of an island,
past the Rocks of Malabar.

On that island, a cave.

And in that cave, the clues
to finding his secret lair.

Not that I'd go
looking for it.

And why shouldn't they?

They don't call him
"Robert the Terrible" for nothing.

He's the King's own brother,
but he's as bad as the King is good.

Tried to take the throne
by force, he did.

And, for his treachery,
was banished from Monteria.

So he's a little nasty.

A little?

(CHUCKLES) Aren't you
up for a little adventure?

I hear tell, locked
deep in his fortress,

he's harnessed
the mechanical arts,

to make himself
stronger than the King.

With terrible
iron legs and arms.

Not that terrible.

His iron claw
can crack a coconut!

Stop trying to scare them.

Story says he's waiting
for the King to step away,

just long enough to grab
his beloved children

and take the throne
for his own.

So, what would
he do with them?

For Robert to claim the throne,
they must be gone!

(GASPING)
On vacation?

Princess Eloise?

(CHUCKLES)

So, what would he do
with someone

who was helping
the Prince and Princess?

A cucumber slices much
more easily than a coconut.

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Okay, that's enough adventure
for this gourd.

GEORGE: Clearing tables is really
kind of fun when you think about it.

Don't leave
without me!

GEORGE:
Which way would be home?

George! Sedgewick! Elliot!
Where are you going?

We must sail
for the island at once!

Unless, of course, our
heroes are giving up.

(TITTERING) Oh, no.

It's just that, you know,
heroes can be very busy.

And now that this situation
is under control,

we've been beckoned
to another crisis.

Somewhere else.

You must be mistaken.

The Helpseeker
brought you here,

and only the Helpseeker
can send you back.

According to
my father's notes,

the red button brings help,
and the blue button sends you home.

But I don't believe it will light
until your work here is done.

I want to go home!

Just get me back to 1972.
I'll walk from there.

I don't understand.
You're our heroes!

Brave as lions
and cunning as foxes.

Are you the lion?
'Cause I'm not the lion.

No, you're the chicken.
He's the spineless sea sponge.

Who are you?

I don't know. I'm like
a sleepy little panda.

My father brought you here
for a reason,

and your work here
is not done.

(DOOR OPENING)

All right, here are
the Rocks of Malabar.

But look! There's
no island anywhere.

But Jolly Joe said there's
an island past the rocks.

Well, you're
the King's heroes.

I'll leave the
interpretation up to you.

Ta-ta!

I don't know
about you,

but if I bump into that Robert guy,
I'm going to wet myself.

Well, let's at least go look.
It won't be that hard.

We sail to the Rocks, look
around a little, and then go home.

Our work will be done.
No island, nothing more we can do.

I don't know.

Well, what if
the map is wrong?

Come on, guys.
We'll be fine.

We can look like heroes without
doing anything dangerous.

That does have
a nice ring to it.

Great plan, George.

What he lacks in spine,
he makes up for in brain.

MAN: (SINGING) Raise the mast
on the Steadfast!

Swifter than
a bareback seahorse

Sailing an uncharted
sea course

Who could survive
such a dangerous mission

Alongside pirates
with zero ambition?

We got the coconuts poured

We dropped the hooks overboard

And if you get
a little seasick

We play the haddock
for a hat trick

We got the hammocks
on the main deck

ALL: Swingin' low

We got the butler doing
the henpeck

BOTH: Screaming so

He say you should have been
swabbin' the poop deck

We don't know

It's what the other
pirates do-do

But we're bringing you

Yo-ho heroes

Standing in the gap,
where'd you put the toys?

Time to take a nap

Yo-ho heroes

Flighty as a bird
Easy is the word

Yo, I'm seeing no heroes

We're on a limbo craze

It's a relic
from our limber days

Now we're stuck
inside the limbo zone

That's where the pirates go

with too much time
and a missing spine

Yo-ho heroes

Standing in the gap

Where'd you put the map?
Take another nap

Yo-ho heroes

Strike a better pose
That's the way it goes

Yo, I'm seeing no heroes

We're on the bad mood swing

We haven't done one thing

Not even the minimum
daily requirement

We got the funk
without the Parliament

But if you're feeling
a little seasick

Rise and shine

And you want to get off
the guilt trip

Now's the time

Because the captain
of the main ship

Rings the chime

He could be coming
before you know him

What are you gonna show him?

Go, heroes

Standing in the gap
Taking up the slack

Following the King's map

Go, heroes

Steady as a rock
I know it's a shock

Yo, let's be a hero

Go, hero

Standing in the gap
Taking up the slack

Following the King's map

Go, hero

Steady at the wheel
Keep an even keel

Yo, there be the King's heroes

ELOISE: The Rocks of Malabar!

Well, that's it.
No island around here.

Time to go home.

Fellows, fellows!
Let us not give up so easily.

The island
may still lie ahead.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

SEDGEWICK: What is that?

WILLORY: El Remolino,
the great whirlpool!

But no pirate will sail beyond the
Rocks of Malabar for fear of it.

I thought it was pirate
legend, but there it is.

Okay,
time to go home.

No islands out here.

No, we're going to
keep going.

But didn't you hear him?
It's a giant whirlpool!

"Captain George's
Death Cruise,"

brought to you by
George, the Crazy Grape.

I thought
you were on our side.

Thank you, George.

Might be
a giant whirlpool.

Might not be.
Let's hold our course!

(LIGHTNING CRASHES)

That whirlpool holds
nothing but our own demise!

Oh, really?

The island!

Huh. How about that?

What?
How could...

It's a sea mirage.

Water droplets in the air
reflecting the sky so perfectly

they block the island
from view.

Weather Channel.

(CHUCKLES) Right on time.

And look
who they left behind.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Do you think there are
snakes on this island?

'Cause snakes
are on my list.

Oh, I'm sure there are snakes.
Big ones, too.

And spiders
and bears.

Huh?

Of course, the real question
is why are we on this island?

I don't follow you.

We had a plan!

Sail to the Rocks,
don't find the island, go home!

Which part eluded you?

It was a sea mirage!

You knew that,
but we didn't need to know that.

It's an adventure.

I don't want
any more adventure!

I should be home on the couch
right now, eating cheese curls

and watching
The Love Boat!

Instead, I'm stuck here
with Captain Weather Channel

on my way to be sliced and
diced by Edward Scissorhands!

Look, I don't know
what I'm doing here.

I'm just trying
to help Eloise.

Let's just get the clues
for the Princess.

Maybe then we can go home.

Now, if I were a cave,
where would I be?

Right about there.

(BATS SCREECHING)

(HOWLING)

Dark, creepy caves
are on my list.

Sedgewick,
look for the clues.

Oh, yeah. To bring me
even closer to my death.

So, what's wrong
with our boat?

We can't sneak up on them
in a pirate boat, you ninny.

So, what do
they look like?

What?
The clues.

I don't know.

Maybe a map or a model of
the world carved out of rock.

Or maybe a billboard.

Not likely.
Too obvious.

No, really.
A billboard.

What?

"If a sailor
were to look for me,

"the East
is where he'd start.

"He'd reach
the Isle of Walking Rocks

"and the Clapping Pass
would part.

"Then gaze with pride
upon my keep,

"not found on any chart,

"till he would spy
my steely eye

"and fear
would stop his heart."

Ooh.

"Copyright Robert the Terrible.
All rights reserved."

Oh, yeah. That sounds
like fun and all,

but I'd kind of like to keep my heart
going, if it's all the same to you.

So, what do we got?
We head East to...

The Isle of Walking Rocks
and the Clapping Pass.

And that's where
this Robert guy hangs out.

And then something
about cardiac arrest.

I don't know, call me crazy, but maybe
our senses of fun are a little bit

different.

Holy mackerel.

Holy mackerel!

What? What is it?
What? What is it?

Pieces of eight?

Spanish gold?

Even better.

SEDGEWICK: Cheese curls!

GEORGE: What?
Cheese curls.

Thousands of them.
Maybe millions!

Well, grab a few and
let's get back to the boat.

I'm not going
back to the boat.

(LAUGHING)

What do you mean you're
not going back to the boat?

The way I see it,
I have two choices.

Go back to the boat and
continue our little adventure

until we all die
in terrible ways,

or stay on this island
and frolic in the sun

with a lifetime supply
of my favorite snack food.

Now, I'm no
Albert Einstein,

but I'm thinking the
choice is pretty clear.

But, the Princess, she
thinks we're heroes.

Well, she's wrong.

Heroes are tall and strong and brave
and handsome, like Sir Frederick.

We aren't any
of those things.

When you're done pretending,
come on back.

I'll save you
a few cheese curls.

Fine.
Have it your way.

I will. Thank you.

You're not welcome.

(CHUCKLING)

Where do I start?
How about you, my little friend?

(SCREECHING)

What?

(ALL SCREECHING)

Hey, hey, hey, fellas?

GEORGE:
Oh, what does he know?

I know we're not real heroes
but we're not doing so bad.

Let's just
get back to the boat.

Where is she going?

She's sailing away.

But the clues!

Maybe she didn't
need them after all.

(BEEPING)

Are you beeping?

It's my bag.

The ball. It's the blue button!
We can go home now.

What? That doesn't
make any sense.

It means
our work is done.

GEORGE:
Where's the rowboat?

But the ball! It's blinking!
We can go home.

Hold on a sec.
How long has that been here?

It's one of Robert's boats.
But where are the men?

The ball!
It's blinking!

GEORGE:
Something ain't right.

They've got the Princess!
We got to help her!

Come on!

Listen,
when the ball blinks,

our work is done
and we can go home.

Don't you want to go home?
Don't you want to see your kids?

Sure I want to
see my kids.

But I also want them
to want to see me.

You know, maybe the reason
they don't look up to me

is because I haven't given them
something worth looking up to.

But the ball.

Hey, that ball thought
we were heroes.

It was wrong about that.
It could be wrong about this, too.

Look, Elliot.

If you want to go home,
you can go home.

But Eloise needs me.
And I need to do what's right.

(GRUNTING)

(WHOOSHING)

Let's go save a princess!

Help is on the way!

Help!

What kind of a crazy
B movie am I in?

Attack Of
The Killer Cheesecurls?

Okay, guys.
Let's be reasonable.

I wasn't really
going to eat you,

but you were impersonating
a snack food!

(SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

Okay, we're off!

I don't think we can
catch up with them.

I think you're right. Then we'll
just have to follow the clues.

The clues?

Yeah, from the billboard.

Head East to the Island
of Walking Rocks.

You think
that's a good idea?

No, but I haven't got
a better one.

East it is!

GEORGE: The other east.

ELLIOT: East it is!

(GROANS)

My sacroiliac.

At least I lost
those cheese curls.

(SQUEAKING)

(WHIMPERS)

They're like roaches!

Sick, demented,
cheese-flavored roaches!

They stuck me here
on purpose.

I bet George knew about those little
things from the Weather Channel, too.

He's trying to kill me.

(PANTING)

I can't climb that.
It's too far.

It isn't worth it.

Eaten by his own
favorite snack food.

Could be worse. I could be
eaten by something I don't like.

I give up.

It was a good life.

At least that one day,
from about 2:00 to 2:30.

(SNAPPING)

Hey!

Where did...
That's mine!

Ellen.

I bet she'd want me
to come back.

(SQUEAKS)

What?

The light.

The crab
will show me the light.

Maybe I can't do it,
but maybe I can!

And this is the day
to find out!

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

Sorry, boys!
Gourd is off the menu!

(WHOOPING)

What do you want, Robert?

Isn't it obvious?
I want the throne, the crown!

For years I watched
my "noble" brother

use his power for the benefit of every
family in Monteria except our own!

Feed the poor,
help the sick.

The widows,
the orphans,

blah, blah, blah.

My father is a good
and generous King.

Indeed.

He took Monteria's wealth,
our wealth, my wealth,

and squandered it
on strangers. Peasants!

When the crown is mine, I can once
again enjoy the benefits of royalty.

You're not strong enough to take
the crown from my father's head.

Perhaps not.

But with you and your
sister out of the way,

I'll be next in line
for the throne.

And if your father should have
an unfortunate accident...

What do you mean?

Ambition is
the mother of invention.

A little something I
worked up during my exile.

Amazing what
black powder can do,

floating just beneath
the surface.

A little demonstration.

Off you go,
Your Highness.

(LAUGHING)

Of course, I can't just leave
them in the harbor waiting,

or I'll blow up
my own ships.

So I need to know something.
When is the King returning?

He didn't say.

But even if he had, I'd give
my own life before I'd tell you!

But would you give
your sister's?

(DOOR OPENING)

Alexander!

Surely you must know when
your father is returning!

(SIGHING)
If you can manage to remember,

I might consider
sparing the two of you.

You have two hours
to think it over.

Otherwise,
when the sand runs out,

so do the Prince
and Princess.

Put them in their cell.

Oh, Father,
who can help us now?

ELLIOT: (SINGING)

Papa's got a gumball, Nellie
Papa's got a gumball, Sue

Papa's got a gumball, Nellie

I think I'll blow
a bubble for you

Oh, Papa's got
a pork chop, Nellie,

Papa's got a pork chop...

Will you stop that?

What? It's a good song.
Don't you like it?

After the 32nd verse,
it grates.

Besides,
it's making me hungry.

Look at this.

I suppose Robert's fortress
is beyond those peaks.

But there's supposed
to be a pass.

ELLIOT:
The Clapping Pass, right?

Right.
I don't see anything.

You think that's the Island
of Walking Rocks?

It's got rocks, but they don't
appear to be going anywhere.

Maybe it's poetic license.

I'm going to look for the pass.
You hang out here.

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(CHUCKLES)

Walking rocks.

(SINGING) Look at us,
we're walking rocks

We don't wear
any shoes or socks

La-la-la-la-la

(RUMBLING)

(GRUNTING)

(WEAKLY) George?

George!

(RUMBLING)

That must lead to the fortress.
Hey, Elliot!

(SCREAMING) The rocks!

Huh?

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLING)

There's another one!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(COOING)

Do you think one of those
could crush a coconut?

GEORGE: Are you kidding?

One of those could
crush a Volkswagen!

(ROARING)

I think
we woke up Dad.

Do you suppose he'll
put the kids on time-out?

Not likely. It was nice
knowing you, Elliot!

You too, George.
Thanks for the adventure.

Don't mention it.

(GEORGE AND ELLIOT CRYING)

(PANTING)

BOTH: Sedgewick!

(COUGHING)

Hey! I've been
looking for you.

I followed the clues.
They worked out pretty well.

That was a swim.

(GASPING)

Company?

(SQUEAKING)

SEDGEWICK: Oh, no.
I hate these guys!

(SCREECHING)

(SCREAMING)

(ROCKS GIGGLING)

Sedgewick, keep it up.
I think they like it.

Oh, sure, yeah. I'll just keep
running all day. No problem.

Oh, it had to be me. It's not...
I am so tired... Would you...

(LAUGHING)

Somebody eat them.

Would you?

(GIGGLING)

That was a good idea, swimming
over here with those...

Whatever they are.

(RUMBLING)

GEORGE: Oh, no. We got to get
through there before it closes!

SEDGEWICK: What? Why?

Robert has the Prince
and the Princess.

Hang on.

Now, this is the guy who wants
to crush us like coconuts, right?

Uh-huh.

And you're going to go in
there and stand up to him?

Yep.

And you're in
on this, too?

Mmm.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Okay.

We go to row through
before it closes.

I don't think
that's possible,

and that's
coming from a guy

who just swam 92 nautical
miles without arms or legs.

GEORGE: Well, you got
a better idea?

(GRUNTING)

Yeah. We need to get through.
Can you help?

What's he gonna do, chuck us
into the side of the mountain?

We'll just have to
trust him.

Trust him?
He's a rock!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

"Trust the rock,"
he says.

I don't understand.

Guys?

GEORGE: We're not going to make
it. The pass is almost closed.

Guys?

SEDGEWICK: "Trust the rock.
Trust the rock."

Guys!
BOTH: What?

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Row!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, the Clapping Pass.
I get it.

Must be some kind of a
secret bay or something.

So, where's
this fortress?

Oh.
Found it.

Won't they
see us coming?

We're flying their flag.
We should be fine.

There you go.
They got a garage!

Well, that makes it easy.

Too easy.
It's not guarded or anything.

SEDGEWICK: They don't need to guard
it. Nobody can find this place.

Huh?

Hey, guys?
There's bubbles.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(ROARS)

(SCREAMING)

Look out!
He's going to eat us!

(CRYING)

Don't eat me!

Back off, serpent,

or taste my steel!

SEDGEWICK: What?

(BOTH GASPING)

(ROARING)

(SEDGEWICK AND GEORGE
WHIMPERING)

Huh?

Hi, guys.
It's a contraption.

I found a big lever inside,
shut the whole thing down.

Pretty cool, huh?

Guys?

Oh, dear.

Like sand
through the hourglass,

so are the last few
minutes of our lives.

Okay, guys, let's
go get the Princess.

I'm hoping this will lead
up to the dungeon level,

and that's where we'll find
the Prince and Princess.

ELLIOT: Wow!
Their dungeon has a swimming pool.

Oh, no.
It's a cistern.

A what?
Their supply of drinking water.

So they could last for
months during a battle.

The dungeon must be
on the next level up.

Hey! I found
the stairs.

Hmm.

So, what are we going to do
when we get to the dungeon?

Huh? Oh, I haven't
figured that part out yet.

Oh, good.
I was thinking we had a plan.

Hey, I think we're there.

It's locked.

(SNORING) GEORGE: Yep, this
is the dungeon, all right.

And look!
There's the Princess!

(SOFTLY) Princess Eloise!
Princess Eloise!

What?
WILLORY: It's...

Who is it?
It's...

Our heroes!

We've come
to rescue you.

Do you have the keys?

If only we could
get real small.

(WHIRRING)

ELLIOT:
That is one neat toy.

It is not a toy.
It's a labor-saving device.

Come on!
Time's a-wastin'!

(SNORING)

Huh? Huh?

(ALL GASPING)

(ALL SIGHING)

What manner of magic
is this?

It's not magic.

It's RadioShack!

(BEEPING)

GEORGE: All right, quickly!

I knew you'd come back.

(BANGS LOUDLY)

(YELLING)

We got to go.
Follow me.

(BELL CLANGING)

Quick! The keys!

But this way is...
Now!

Time's up.

Hello! What's this?

Someone wanted to
spoil my fun?

Surely not you?

(TITTERING)
Oh, no, sir.

Then you three?

(TITTERS)

They're heroes
sent by my father.

They'll be your undoing.

The King's heroes?
Then you can answer my question.

When will the King return?

He didn't
mention it to us.

It didn't come up.

Surely the King's heroes
would know of his plans!

Tell me
when the King will return,

or say goodbye
to the Princess.

(WHIMPERING)

Let her go!
We're not the King's heroes.

We're not heroes at all.

It was all
a misunderstanding.

Explain.

We're no heroes.
We're cabin boys.

We work in a restaurant.
We clear dishes. We clean up.

We give people refills
on their soft drinks.

That's right.
The King's heroes?

He's so lazy, he can't even
climb a ladder without giving up.

(TITTERING)
Yeah, and he's scared of everything.

Spiders, snakes,
wicker furniture.

(TITTERING)
It's true.

(TITTERING)
And George there,

he's such a wimp, even his
own son thinks he's a loser.

Isn't that right?

Is it true?

It's true.

The ball made a mistake.
We're no heroes. We're...

BLIND MAN:
When all hope is gone,

help will come from above
in the shape of a donkey.

Donkeys.

We're not donkeys.
We're cabin boys.

But even cabin boys

can do what's right!

Follow me!

Elliot! The ball!

Here.

(SNORING)

We really
need help right now.

(BEEPING)

Get in!
What?

Everybody, lean!

No! Get them!

(ALL SCREAMING)

It's more fun if you hold
your hands in the air.

What was that?

The drain.
We're getting out of here!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I'm feeling flushed!

You've got to be kidding!

Quick! To the ship!

ALL: Whoa!

(WHOOPING)

SEDGEWICK: What a ride!
You did it!

We're not done yet.
Row! Row like the wind!

We've got company!

Row! Row! Row!

Can I ask where we're rowing to?
The pass is closed!

It could open up at any second.
Keep rowing!

(ROBERT CHUCKLING)

ROBERT: A noble
but pointless effort.

Gentlemen, take them out.

(GEORGE SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS)

SEDGEWICK: This is not
going so well.

Unless that pass opens up,
we're doomed.

We can't
get much further.

Is there anything
that ball can do now?

We really need help.

ELLIOT: Help!

Nothing.
It's not blinking.

They're in range now, boys.
Finish them.

(RUMBLING)

Whoa!

What is it?
I don't know.

Father!

It can't be!

You know what to do, men.
Watch your aim.

Quickly!
Disable the ship!

(MEN SCREAMING)

Where are you going?
Back to your posts!

Return fire!

Against the King's men?
You are mad!

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

Men, hold your fire.

On my word, Brother,
I'm not finished!

I'll never be finished until
that crown is on my head!

For amazing tenacity,
unwillingness to give up.

For extraordinary bravery
in the face of grave danger.

For leadership and cunning
in a time of great peril.

You wish to speak?

We're glad we could help.
Your kids are real sweet.

But the ball,
it doesn't work right.

We're no heroes.
We're cabin boys.

There were no mistakes.

The Helpseeker picked
exactly whom I intended.

And I made sure you had everything
you needed to complete the task.

The crab that
showed you the way,

the lever that
saved your friends.

The donkey from above.

The adventure I call you to
may not be easy,

but you'll never
journey alone.

My help is always there.

When we were on the island, the
ball said it was time to go home.

That was a test, which you
passed with flying colors.

Sometimes, a test helps us
decide what matters most.

The hero isn't the
strongest or the fastest

or the smartest
or the best-looking.

The hero is the one who,
no matter how hard,

does what he knows
is right.

Monteria!

I give you three heroes!

(ALL CHEERING)

WILLORY: Are you sure
you don't want to stay?

We can always use
a few more heroes.

No. I want to
see my kids.

And my Ellen!

And Bernadette!

KING:
Fare thee well, friends.

Your work here
is done.

(BEEPING)

ELLIOT: Sure enough.

Hang on.

You know, I liked them
from the very beginning.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

We're back. The show's
on! It must be Friday.

I got to
find my kids.

And the girls!

(SINGING) Our shirts are loose
Our pants are tight

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

Caroline! Kids!

There they are!

(ALL GASPING)

(GASPING)

It's a fine night
for a pirate fight.

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

So bring
a hearty appetite

Our aim is true
Our cause is right

It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

Oh, no! He thinks
Sir Frederick is me!

SIR FREDERICK: It's Spanish gold
for all tonight

As Spaniards quake
to see the sight

Our flag unfurled
with black and white

It's Spanish...

Hey!

There's no King to
save you now, cabin boy!

Elliot! The ball!

It's blinking!

(GRUNTING)

Here it is.

Stall him!

Andy! Trigger B!

Say hello to my little friend.
Take that!

Whoa!

No!

Enough tricks!

A little help?

(SCREAMING)

Ouch.

(GRUNTING)

Time to go home.

ROBERT: Uh-oh.

(ALL CHEERING)

All right!

That's my dad!

Can I come over
to your house?

I'd like to rethink
your auditions.

You could really add
something to the show.

I don't think we need
to be in the show after all.

Life has plenty of
adventure of its own.

(BEEPING)

(SINGING)
Argh, argh, argh, argh

We are The Pirates
Who Don't Do Anything

We just stay at home
and lie around

And if you ask us
to do anything

We'll just tell you
We don't do anything

But I've never been
to Greenland

And I've never been to Denver

And I've never buried treasure
in St. Louis or St. Paul

And I've never been to Moscow

And I've never been to Tampa

And I've never been
to Boston in the fall

SEDGEWICK: Hold on.
We're not quite done.

(PLAYING ROCK MONSTER)

(SINGING) Skeedoodlee bop

Ooh, skedoodlee bop

We landed on a beach

We were looking
for the Clapping Pass

Something came up
behind us

It was a Rock Monster!

Rock Monster!

Rock Monster

We were on the beach

I was running
from evil cheese

They were trying to eat me up

But they ran into a rock

But it wasn't a rock

It was a Rock Monster!

Rock Monster!

Rock Monster

Rock Monster

Rock Monster!

It tossed us in the ocean

In a pirate dinghy

Here he comes

He's on the run

40 feet tall

Here comes a cannonball!

Rock, Rock...

Rock Monster!

CHORUS:
Monster, Rock Monster

Monster,
Rock Monster

Monster
Rock Monster

Monster,
Rock Monster

All right.
That's a wrap.

(SCREAMING)

(WHAT WE GONNA DO? PLAYING)

One, two, three

You ain't got nothing left
to prove today

Unlikely heroes
from around the way

Come back tomorrow
and we'll save the day

It's on me, it's on you

So tell me what we gonna do

Tell me what we gonna do

What you wanna do?

About to drop us like a habit

The future's ours
if we just grab it

Don't need no clutch
It's automatic

We just can't ignore
what we came here for

It's only fear
that would prevent us

All that we need
is deep within us

They've just started something
we gonna finish

And we can't ignore
what we came here for

You ain't got nothing left
to prove today

Unlikely heroes from
around the way

Come back tomorrow
and we'll save the day

It's on me, it's on you

So tell me what we gonna do

Tell me what we gonna do

Tell me what you're gonna do

MAN: (RAPPING)
I'm movin' shoes like Monopoly

Ain't never gonna count
what it's costing me

'Cause we run the show
about 20 below

From the Banks and the Grill
to the streets of Soho

I'm movin' these shoes
like Monopoly

Ain't never gonna count
what it's costing me

Say, we run the show
about 20 below

From the banks and the Brille
to the streets of Soho

It's our time to shine

We're gonna do it right

It's our time to blind them

We gonna do it right now

It's our time to shine

We gonna do it right

And we can't ignore
What we came here for

You ain't got nothing left
to prove today

Unlikely heroes
from around the way

Come back tomorrow
and we'll save the day

It's on me, it's on you

So tell me what we gonna do

You ain't got nothing left
to prove today

Unlikely heroes
from around the way

Come back tomorrow
and we'll save the day

It's on me, it's on you

So tell me what we gonna do

Tell me what we gonna do

It's our time to shine

Tell me what we gonna do

It's our time to shine

(SCREECHING)