Original subtitles

- Can I ask you a question?

Is this the worst night we've ever had?

- I mean, it was cool that Chase got to perform at the VMAs.

- Yeah, too bad it ruined both of our goddamn lives.

- [glass shatters]

- Wait, why'd you throw my beer?

- 'Cause I'm drinking mine.

- ♪

- My god, the VMAs. This is so glamorous.

I wish your dad was here to see Chase's big night.

- Yeah, I know. Me, too.

- Oh, hi, are you performing tonight, too?

- Oh no, I'm just the sound-mixer.

- Well, don't worry, I'm sure you'll be on the show someday.

- Um, Mom, how are you doing with Dad after

all of the plane stuff?

- Oh, well, I'm okay.

Everyone's been very supportive.

People keep telling me I'm an inspiration.

- Aw, that's good. You are.

- Now I'm not just the mother of three kids,

I'm the mother of a movement. - Oh boy.

- Where is Cary? The show's already halfway over.

- I don't know, I thought he was getting out of work at 10.

- ♪

- Sorry, just trying to help.

Peas can be so tricky.

- Hey, guys! Guess who we just met in the hallway?

Kelly Clarkson! - Oh, I love Kelly.

You know, I lost my virginity to "Behind These Hazel Eyes."

- Is that long enough ago? - Ple-say what?

- Oh, I forgot to give her my email.

- Brooke, I'm glad you're back.

I need your help to smear some mud all over Chase's body.

You can get his butt. - Ew. What?

- Okay, fine, I'll get his butt.

- No, I mean, why are we smearing mud all over him?

- Well, you know how Chase is singing "Stink" tonight?

- Yeah, a simple, stripped-down version of "Stink."

- Well, this morning, I had a different idea.

How 'bout instead, the whole performance is pig-themed,

and Chase is dressed like a stinky, little piggy? [laughs]

Chase likes the idea, right?

Don't ya, buddy? - I guess.

- No, this is Chase's first live performance.

We all agreed that he should do something simple

that shows off his voice.

- Then how do we get #pigdreams to trend?

- We don't. We're not doing pig stuff.

- Eoff, okay. Geesh, alright, give me a second.

Excuses me, ladies, it looks like we're not gonna

need ya anymore.

- GIRLS: What? - I'm sorry.

Or should I say "sowy"?

[laughing]

- God, Streeter, can you just stick to the plan?

We want Chase to be taken seriously tonight.

- I hear ya, Mama, loud and clear.

Let me just show you one more idea.

- Radio City, please.

And I'm kind of in a hurry. - DRIVER: You got it.

- I used to feed my cat generic cat food.

I didn't think she'd notice. - Oh no.

- But guess what? After she had a big meal,

my friends should would.

- ALL: [laughing]

- Great party.

- [record scratches] - [cat meows]

- [sighs]

- WOMAN ON TV: I found Nature's Great.

- DRIVER: Not to brag, but my client is in that commercial.

- Skip? - Cary!

- Streeter, is he changed yet?

He's on in 15 minutes.

- Okay, Brooke, I know you didn't want him to be a pig,

and I gotta say, I think I delivered. [laughs]

Ah! - What the hell is this?

- You gotta see him with the backup singers.

All together, they're gonna spell "Stink."

Actually, they're gonna spell "Tink," because there's

only three of them. - Streeter, no.

Why does he need all this bullshit all of the sudden?

If he wears something crazy, it's all anyone will talk about.

- Hey, guys, just wanted to let you know.

Chase is up next, right after Katie Perry.

- Oh shit, we have to hurry.

Oh! Wait, is she doing music or comedy?

- Comedy. - Oh, okay, so we have awhile.

- Okay, let me run one more idea by you.

I think you're gonna like it, because it's way more subtle.

- Yes, that's what we want.

- Okay, great. Let's go build it.

- [horn honking]

- What the hell are you doing driving a cab?

You're supposed to be my agent.

- I am, Cary!

Just this morning, I was talking to JJ Abrams about you.

- You were? - Yes.

I was taking him to the airport.

I couldn't shut up about you.

- Oh my God.

Listen, Skip, do you know where I'm headed right now?

The VMAs.

- You're performing in the VMAs?

Wow, I guess I'm a better agent than I thought I was.

- No, Skip, I'm not performing at the VMAs.

My brother is.

And in the same time it took him to book that,

I've had one fart commercial air.

And I'm doing, like, a weird, straight voice in it.

I just--

I can't have you represent me anymore, alright?

You're fired. Goodbye.

It's actually a couple more blocks.

- You said this was gonna be more subtle!

- I did, and it is!

- He is wearing a literal birdcage full of birds.

- But not real birds.

- Oh my God.

How am I an assistant, and you're a manager?

I should be a manager.

- I think there is a real bird in here.

- Chase, what do you wanna wear?

You wanna wear one of

those new ideas, or what we picked out last week?

- I guess what we picked out last week.

But can I wear my own shoes?

- Sure. You can wear whatever shoes you want.

- This is a bad idea. I've been thinking about this.

And let me tell-- - Ah, ah, ah!

Streeter! Streeter! - Let me just tell you!

- Streeter!

Wouldn't a good manager listen to what his client wants?

Just let him go out there and sing.

He's a singer. - Okay.

Whatever you want, girl boss. - Don't call me that.

- [phone vibrating] - Okay, Cary's almost here.

Can you just go out and let him in?

- Sure thing. Actually, I do need to speak to him,

because I have some news...

that will change his--[sneezes]

Excuse me. Pbbt.

I have some news that will-- - Go!

- Alright, alright!

- [crowds cheering]

- Cary, welcome to the VMA.

I think your cab driver cuts my hair.

- Yeah, no, I'm sure he does. Sorry, I'm late.

I got stuck at work. - Oh, don't worry about it.

Hey, before we go in,

I've got something that's gonna cheer you up.

You know how your brother is a big, huge singer?

- Um, yes.

- Well, apparently, he's such a huge singer

that he gets to be an actor now, too. [laughs]

- What? - Yeah.

Netflix wants him to do a movie.

He doesn't even have to audition or anything.

[laughs] Yeah!

- How is that supposed to make me feel better?

- Oh God.

Aren't gay people supposed to be smarter?

Isn't that the trade off? Cary, you get to be in it, too.

- What? - Yeah.

- Are you serious? - Yeah. [laughs]

Apparently, they're doing a "Freaky Friday" remake,

but with brothers.

They were gonna call it "Bro Swap,"

but there was a gay porn called that.

Then they were gonna call it "My Brother's Inside Of Me,"

but then there were a thousand gay porns called that.

So now it's just "The Untitled Brothers Switching Bodies

But Not in a Sex Way Project."

- Oh my God, this is-- this is crazy.

I didn't even know Chase wanted to act.

- Well, neither does he, so don't tell him.

Because I want it to be a surprise!

- This is, like, the best news ever.

Thank you, Streeter. - Yes. [laughs]

I'm getting a hug and everything.

Alright, let's go inside, 'cause Chase is about to go soon.

- Cary! Tell Chase hi!

And Brooke and Pat.

- I will.

God, they really do know all of our names.

- I know. But they didn't say my name.

- Hey, guys, 60 seconds back from commercial.

- Look at him out there. He's so handsome.

- I know, I don't know what Streeter was thinking.

- Brooke. Brooke, hey. - Cary!

- Oh my God, this is so cool. - Oh my God, I thought you were

gonna miss it. - I know, but listen.

You're not gonna believe this.

I'm gonna be in a movie. - What? You are?

- Yeah. With Chase. - Whoa.

You wanna do that? - Yeah, it's like a big part

in a real movie.

Anna Kendrick plays our mom.

Debra Messing plays our grandma.

- Oh, Debra.

- I know I wouldn't have gotten it without Chase,

but so what? I think I could be really good in it.

- Cary, that is so good.

Oh, my little baby road the wave.

- Fifteen seconds. - Oh hell, yeah, Chase!

Hell, yeah!

- Lance?

What are you doing here? - Good, Brooke.

Chase wanted to wear my shoes tonight.

Didn't he tell you? - BROOKE: Whoa. Damn, Daniel.

- WOMAN: Okay, guys, five seconds.

Four, three, two...

- [crowd cheering]

- WOMAN: And now, performing live for the first-time ever,

give it up for ChaseDreams.

- [crowd cheering]

- ♪

♪ Ooooh

♪

♪ Ooooh

♪

- [cheering continues]

- ♪ Oooh

♪

♪ Oooh

♪

♪ Ooooh

♪

♪ Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man ♪

♪

♪ Bake me a party as dope as you can ♪

♪

♪ Been a lot of places, partied in Miami ♪.

♪ Argentina and Ibiza, too

♪ Never leave the dance floor

♪ Always find me sweating until the morning ♪

♪ With my whole Dream crew

♪ We dance all day, dance all night ♪

♪ Dance until we don't smell right, right, right ♪

♪ Dance until we stink

♪ Ain't a party 'til you reek

♪ So dance until you stink

♪ Make your jeans smell for a week ♪

♪ Dance until you stink, stink ♪

♪ No, you do drink, just dance until you stink ♪

♪ Stink stink

♪ Even though walls should stink ♪

♪ Never take a shower

- Oh my God, that was so rough.

- I just realized I've never heard him sing live before.

- Who let him do this?

He was not ready to do this.

- What is Twitter saying? - Um, that we're fucked.

Every tweet is bad.

The Burger King account is, like, ripping him apart.

- My son is a good singer, okay?

He just don't have an ear for music. So what?

- I'm gonna go check on him.

- I'm gonna go yell at that sound mixer lady.

This is her fault. If she wasn't trying so hard to get

on the show, maybe she would have done her damn job.

Lance, let's go. - Why am I a part of this?

- I don't get it. Why is nobody making fun of Iggy Azalea?

Her voice sucked, too, you just couldn't tell

'cause she was singing from the inside of a giant butt.

Oh wait. Is that why you wanted Chase to dress like a pig?

- Bingo, Mama.

You see, for some singers, it's all about smoke and mirrors.

I love Chase, but he needs a lot of smoke

and a lot of mirrors.

- Oh my God, I am so sorry I didn't trust you.

I just was so mad that you weren't listening to him.

- Well, that's what good managers do.

They don't listen to their clients.

- Well, let me be the first to say you're an excellent manager.

- Oh, thank you.

I actually think you'd make a pretty good one yourself.

- You do? - Yeah.

- Even after tonight?

Why? - Well, earlier tonight,

you screamed, "I should be a manager,"

even though you have absolutely no managerial training

or experience.

And that is how every great manager gets their start.

- Are you saying what I think you're saying?

- Well, you clearly care about Chase.

And I could use a little bit more help with the Dream team.

Especially now.

So...you in?

- What? Like, be a manager? - [laughs]

- Yes, oh my god, yes! Thank you!

Streeter, thank you! I mean, I promise,

I'll make up for tonight. - Great!

Hey, should I make us Dream Team jackets?

- No.

- [crowd yelling]

- GIRL: You're my favorite!

You're my favorite!

- CARY: Hey, buddy, I've been looking everywhere for you.

- CHASE: Hey, Cary. - Jesus Christ!

Uh! What is this mask?

- I have to wear it whenever I'm outside now.

Streeter says if I don't, the fans will try to fuck me.

- Oh my God.

Well, I just, um--I just came over to say...

great job on your song.

- Yeah, right.

Is everyone mad at me?

- Mad at you?

No. No, we're all so impressed by you.

- Really? - Yes.

Like, every day, I never could have handled

being this famous when I was 14.

And trust me, I--I really wanted to.

Like, really wanted to be.

- I'm just not having any fun.

- What?

Your life is so fun.

- I guess.

- Well...you can always talk to me and Brooke

about anything, and we will always listen to you, okay?

Besides, I know for a fact you got some...

pretty fun stuff coming up.

Let's just say, you might get to work

with your favorite actor. - Logan Paul?

- No, no, actor. - Jake Paul.

- No. No act--you know what? Never mind.

- [crowd cheering]

- The Dreams! Hi, Brooke!

- Hi! Thank you!

- Lance! Hi, Lance! - What up, bro?

- [crowds screaming]

- STREETER: "We love you, Streeter!"

Oh, I love you, too.

Streeter! Streeter! Streeter!

- CROWD: [chanting] Streeter! Streeter!

- LANCE: Manager? Damn, B, you're a badass.

- Your shoes were on TV. So are you.

We're just two badasses... in the city.

- [laughs] Yeah.

- Hey, um...

I know things got kind of bad between us.

I think we just needed time apart to...

chase dreams. - [chuckles]

- But being away from you-- [clears throat]--

God, I wish it was snowing right now.

Um, it's made me realize how much I wanna be with you.

I'm ready...

to come home.

- Cook Brooke... - What?

- I don't think we should do this.

- Oh. No, I'm sorry.

I'm ready to be together now, so we are.

- I just feel like I've been doing

pretty well on my own lately.

- [chuckles]

Why'd you let me say all that gross shit about coming home?

- Sorry, Brooke. I'm sorry, I--

Brooke, I love you, but I just can't.

- [glass clinking] - [laughs]

I wanna make a toast to Chase,

and his big VMA performance, no matter what Burger King says.

- Yeah. - Where is Chase?

- Oh, he's over there talking to Michael Che.

The grind never stops.

- But Chase isn't the only one I'm proud of.

To my Carebear, who's gonna be in a big, fancy Hollywood movie

with Chase called "Debra's Missing."

- No, it's not called "Debra's Missing."

It stars Debra Messing, but thank you.

- And, Brookie, little Miss Manager.

To think that six months ago, I would cry myself to sleep

so worried about you.

But look at you now. - Thanks, Mom.

Always great at toasts. - Pat, why don't you tell them

your big career news? - Oh, no, no, no.

It's nothing.

Tonight is about my kids.

Oh, wait, where's Lance?

I wanted to toast his shoes.

- Oh, um...he couldn't make it.

- Aw! That's too bad.

- Is everything okay? - What?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

- Can I get a card for the table?

- Oh, you can just put it under Billy Eichner.

- Of course. - Actually, no.

I'm a proud, single businesswoman.

You can put it under Brooke Dubek.

- Of course. - Actually, no.

- Guys, it's really busy tonight.

- I love this family.

And I hope to always be a part of it.

So take this and put it on my card.

- Of course, Mr. Peters.

- Wait.

Your name is Streeter Peters?

- Yes.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- CHASE: Hey, guys.

- Chase! - Chase!

- Hey, buddy. What's going on?

- I'm glad you're all here, because I've been thinking.

And I have a big announcement.

All this singing stuff has been really cool.

But this fall, I'm gonna go...

to college.

- What?

- College?

- ["Lacrimosa" from Mozart's "Requiem" plays]

♪

- Streeter!

- I am--oh god, I'm so sorry. [laughs]

I thought he said he was gonna go to college.

- I did! - Ah!

- I was talking to Michael Che

about what's next for my career.

And he said maybe I should go to college.

So, I think I'm gonna go.

- Okay, so you're just not gonna be a singer anymore?

- I guess not, because I'd be in college.

- STREETER: [groans] - I think that's great, honey.

- Yeah, yeah, so do I. I think it's great.

I think it's great, but, um, you know, act--

Here's an idea.

How 'bout we sleep on it?

And if you still wanna go tomorrow, we can apply then.

- Oh, I don't need to apply. I already got into NYU.

- [clears throat] What?

- Oh, Cary, like you almost.

- Yeah, I tweeted at them, and they said I could come.

- Oooh.

Well, uh...

what about all the cool stuff you have coming up?

Streeter, he got you a movie.

- I don't wanna do a movie.

I wanna go to college.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yas! Yas! Yas, queen, yeah!

- Yeah, that's great.

You know, it's so great.

I'm gonna go thank Michael myself.

- [indistinct chatter]

- Excuse me, hi.

Mr. Che? - Hey.

- Did you just, um, tell my brother Chase

that he should go to college? - Yeah.

I thought that'd probably be the best thing for him to do.

- Yeah, well, as his sister, I just wanted to say, I agree,

because I think education is important.

- Well, that's great. - But as his manager,

I just wanna say you're a real piece of shit.

- Whoa, where did that come from? Why?

- Why?

Because I have finally figured out what it is

that I wanna do with my life, and what I'm good at.

And you come along, and you fucked me.

I mean, not like that.

I mean, unless-- - No, definitely not.

- It's just, of course, I want him to go college

if that's what he wants to do.

But...what about me? Like what am I supposed to do?

- I mean, you can go to college, too.

- Jesus, what? Do you work for college?

- Alright.

- Listen, Michael Che, you seem like a good guy.

- I mean, I'm fine.

- But you took something from me tonight.

And you took something from my brother Cary.

So...I'm gonna take something from you.

Yeah. I'm gonna--

I'm gonna take your drinks.

I'm taking these. They're mine now.

- Yeah.

- ♪

- Thinking of killing yourself?

- What? No.

- If it wasn't for the hot new lady in my life,

I'd be dead in the bathroom already.

- CARY: Ew! Hot lady.

- She doesn't want me to tell anybody...yet.

But let's just say she's a very special woman.

You don't know her. - I'm sure I don't, Streeter.

- A beautiful woman,

and she raised three beautiful children.

Again, you don't know her. - Okay, Streeter.

- I hope that someday me and this beautiful woman,

who you do not know, can take it to the next level.

- Please don't talk about you two having sex.

- I'm talking about marriage, man.

I'm talking about marriage.

We already had sex.

- ["Lacrimosa" plays]

- You wanna get out of here? - Fuck yes.

- BROOKE: Ew, what? They're sleeping together?

- Yep. This bitch's year of yes has gone way too far.

- Ugh!

Can I ask you a question?

Is this the worst night we've ever had?

- I mean, it was cool that Chase got to perform

at the VMAs. - Yeah.

Too bad it ruined both of our goddamn lives.

- [glass shatters]

- Hey, why'd you throw my beer?

- 'Cause I'm drinking mine.

- [sighs]

- Oh, this is empty.

- [glass shatters]

- God. Can you believe I was in a movie

for three whole hours?

- Maybe Chase will change his mind.

- I just think I'm done.

I've tried everything, and nothing is working.

- No, don't talk like that.

- I just need to move somewhere, and do...

whatever the male equivalent of having a baby is.

- A web series? - Uck!

- You know what? No.

No, what if--what if this is good?

Yeah, I think this will be good for us, Care.

- You do?

- I mean, I have to or I will literally barf.

But, yeah, it might be nice to just get back to normal.

Not have anyone famous in the family.

- Maybe you're right.

It's probably healthier for Chase.

- Yeah.

Oh, what do you think Mom's career news was?

- Who knows?

- ♪

- FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Her husband may have froze,

but she's just heating up.

This fall, America's favorite mom is moving to daytime

with "Pat!"

My son chased his dreams, and now I'm chasing mine.

- ANNOUNCER: "Pat!" weekdays at 4.