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1
00:00:03,605 --> 00:00:07,358
- If you borrow my blender, return it.
- Come on, we're like Cain and Abel.
2
00:00:07,359 --> 00:00:09,547
Yeah, you know, Cain slew Abel.
3
00:00:09,548 --> 00:00:12,050
No, he didn't.
They were in business together.
4
00:00:12,051 --> 00:00:13,405
Dry wall or something.
5
00:00:13,406 --> 00:00:15,804
- Oh, no.
- All right, then what was it?
6
00:00:15,805 --> 00:00:19,036
Well, I think Abel worked hard
all summer harvesting his crops...
7
00:00:19,037 --> 00:00:21,747
while Cain just played in the field.
8
00:00:21,748 --> 00:00:26,019
Then when winter came, Abel had
all the nuts, Cain had no nuts.
9
00:00:26,128 --> 00:00:27,586
So he killed him.
10
00:00:27,587 --> 00:00:30,402
The way I remember it, Cain,
he was a successful doctor...
11
00:00:30,403 --> 00:00:34,465
but when he took this
special formula, he became Mr. Abel.
12
00:00:35,095 --> 00:00:36,554
You broke my blender.
13
00:00:36,555 --> 00:00:39,369
Yeah. Well, I was trying
to make gravel and it just...
14
00:00:39,370 --> 00:00:42,911
- It just didn't work out.
- I knew it.
15
00:00:45,209 --> 00:00:46,981
Why were you making gravel?
16
00:00:46,982 --> 00:00:50,314
Well, I like the sound it makes
when you walk on it.
17
00:00:51,257 --> 00:00:53,237
This looks familiar.
18
00:00:53,238 --> 00:00:54,697
Of course, it's garbage.
19
00:00:54,698 --> 00:00:56,886
No, no, no, no. These brown things.
20
00:00:56,887 --> 00:00:58,763
And the chairs.
21
00:00:58,764 --> 00:01:01,891
Jerry, this is the set
from the old Merv Griffin Show.
22
00:01:01,892 --> 00:01:04,290
They must be throwing it out.
23
00:01:04,291 --> 00:01:06,584
This stuff belongs
in the Smithsonian.
24
00:01:06,585 --> 00:01:09,187
Or at least in the Dumpster
behind the Smithsonian.
25
00:01:11,277 --> 00:01:14,091
Boy, one minute Elliott Gould
is sitting on you...
26
00:01:14,092 --> 00:01:16,594
and the next thing
you're yesterday's trash.
27
00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:18,053
Come on, get out of there.
28
00:01:18,054 --> 00:01:21,387
Oh, no, you go ahead.
I'm not finished taking this in.
29
00:01:21,808 --> 00:01:24,205
Jerry, look.
30
00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:25,453
Merv Griffin's cigar.
31
00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:33,277
You know, I spilled a yogurt smoothie
in here two days ago.
32
00:01:33,278 --> 00:01:34,841
Can't smell anything, can you?
33
00:01:34,842 --> 00:01:36,193
Banana?
34
00:01:36,927 --> 00:01:38,282
Right.
35
00:01:38,283 --> 00:01:40,055
George, watch out
for those pigeons.
36
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:43,284
Oh, they'll get out of the way.
You really smell banana?
37
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:47,559
Oh, my God.
38
00:01:48,814 --> 00:01:50,374
So...
39
00:01:50,691 --> 00:01:52,460
where we eating?
40
00:01:56,322 --> 00:01:59,762
And it was his idea to put
a sprig of parsley on the plate.
41
00:01:59,763 --> 00:02:03,929
You're making this up.
There was never a Joseph Garnish.
42
00:02:04,976 --> 00:02:07,165
Oh, yeah. The toys.
43
00:02:07,166 --> 00:02:08,938
Where did you get all these?
44
00:02:08,939 --> 00:02:10,502
My dad was a collector.
45
00:02:10,503 --> 00:02:14,047
I inherited them after he died
from a long, painful bout with...
46
00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:15,399
SuperBall.
47
00:02:16,029 --> 00:02:19,782
Hey, an original G.I. Joe...
48
00:02:19,783 --> 00:02:24,891
- with the full frogman suit.
- What are you doing?
49
00:02:24,892 --> 00:02:27,602
I'm putting this on him
and we're going to the sink.
50
00:02:27,603 --> 00:02:29,479
No, Jerry...
51
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,252
they're priceless.
52
00:02:31,253 --> 00:02:33,129
They've never been played with.
53
00:02:33,130 --> 00:02:37,091
- I just wanna touch them a little.
- I said, no.
54
00:02:37,092 --> 00:02:39,590
Now, come here.
55
00:02:48,874 --> 00:02:50,434
Hi.
56
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,875
I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here.
57
00:02:57,946 --> 00:03:00,865
Hey, Walter.
What is the deal with that guy?
58
00:03:00,866 --> 00:03:02,738
He's Lou Filerman. He's new here.
59
00:03:04,828 --> 00:03:07,639
Hey, your coffee stain looks like
Fidel Castro.
60
00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:10,767
You've been an enormous help.
61
00:03:11,918 --> 00:03:15,045
You ran over some pigeons?
How many?
62
00:03:15,046 --> 00:03:17,023
Whatever they had.
63
00:03:17,445 --> 00:03:20,780
Miranda thinks I'm a butcher.
But it's not my fault, is it?
64
00:03:20,781 --> 00:03:23,488
Don't we have a deal
with the pigeons?
65
00:03:24,118 --> 00:03:25,473
Of course we have a deal.
66
00:03:25,474 --> 00:03:27,245
They get out of the way of cars...
67
00:03:27,246 --> 00:03:29,956
we look the other way
on the statue defecation.
68
00:03:29,957 --> 00:03:32,563
Right. And these pigeons
broke the deal.
69
00:03:32,564 --> 00:03:34,958
I will not accept the blame for this.
70
00:03:35,275 --> 00:03:38,399
- So Miranda's cooled on you?
- I'm getting nothing.
71
00:03:39,029 --> 00:03:42,052
- Yeah, me neither.
- I thought you were sleeping together.
72
00:03:42,053 --> 00:03:44,971
Oh, the sex is wild,
but she's got this toy collection...
73
00:03:44,972 --> 00:03:46,845
and she won't let me near it.
74
00:03:47,579 --> 00:03:50,286
- I don't understand women.
- Here comes one.
75
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,414
Hey. What's going on?
76
00:03:53,731 --> 00:03:56,650
Hey. Art Garfunkel?
77
00:03:56,651 --> 00:03:59,778
- No, Castro.
- Right.
78
00:03:59,779 --> 00:04:02,593
It's all because of this
creepy new guy at work.
79
00:04:02,594 --> 00:04:06,034
He just comes out of nowhere
and he's right next to you.
80
00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,494
So he just sidles up?
81
00:04:07,495 --> 00:04:11,766
That's right. He's a real sidler.
82
00:04:12,604 --> 00:04:15,001
- Maybe you didn't see him.
- You never see him.
83
00:04:15,002 --> 00:04:16,774
He sidled me again in my office.
84
00:04:16,775 --> 00:04:18,546
I was sitting making Cup-a-Soup...
85
00:04:18,547 --> 00:04:20,941
singing that song
from The Lion King.
86
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:22,714
"Hakuna Matata"?
87
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,155
- I thought I was alone.
- That doesn't make it right.
88
00:04:29,183 --> 00:04:32,102
To me, the "Hakuna Matata"
is not nearly as embarrassing...
89
00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:34,500
- as the Cup-a-Soup.
- Would you just...
90
00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:35,647
let it go?
91
00:04:35,648 --> 00:04:38,563
Hey, Jerry. Come here a sec.
92
00:04:39,193 --> 00:04:40,548
Oh, yeah.
93
00:04:40,549 --> 00:04:42,216
Hey.
94
00:04:42,217 --> 00:04:43,989
Oh, my God.
95
00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:46,905
It's the Merv Griffin set.
96
00:04:48,473 --> 00:04:50,245
How did you get this in here?
97
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:54,412
Oh, you just bring it in sideways
and hook it.
98
00:04:54,834 --> 00:04:58,792
- So where are you gonna sleep?
- Backstage.
99
00:05:00,881 --> 00:05:03,383
This chair smells like garbage.
100
00:05:03,384 --> 00:05:05,260
A lot of the stars from the '70s...
101
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:08,179
they were not as hygienic
as they appeared on TV.
102
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:11,096
You take Mannix, for example.
103
00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:12,559
I'm gonna get that.
104
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,371
Well, Jerry, we'd love
to have you back anytime.
105
00:05:18,816 --> 00:05:20,275
Well, Elaine Benes...
106
00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:22,670
Well, it's great to have you.
107
00:05:23,195 --> 00:05:25,593
Is it possible
you're even more beautiful...
108
00:05:25,594 --> 00:05:27,362
than the last time I saw you?
109
00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:47,278
We had a deal.
110
00:05:48,325 --> 00:05:52,286
- Mr. Peterman, here are these pages...
- One moment.
111
00:05:52,287 --> 00:05:54,267
I'm reading
the fascinating article...
112
00:05:54,268 --> 00:05:57,291
on the most fascinating people
of the year.
113
00:05:57,292 --> 00:06:00,941
And done.
114
00:06:00,942 --> 00:06:04,173
Oh, yes.
I'm sorry, I needed this so quickly.
115
00:06:04,174 --> 00:06:07,405
It must have been a lot of work.
Thank you very much, you two.
116
00:06:07,406 --> 00:06:09,487
What?
117
00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:15,434
Three dates and she still
won't let me play with the toys.
118
00:06:15,435 --> 00:06:16,790
That's interesting.
119
00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:19,292
Someone mentioned to me
you were not very happy...
120
00:06:19,293 --> 00:06:21,169
with your toys growing up.
121
00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:23,880
Yeah, that was me.
122
00:06:23,881 --> 00:06:25,548
That's right, right.
123
00:06:25,549 --> 00:06:29,302
And you mentioned that you didn't get
a G.I. Joe. You had...
124
00:06:29,303 --> 00:06:31,909
- An Army Pete.
- Right.
125
00:06:31,910 --> 00:06:35,138
He was made of wood, in the rain
he would swell up and then split.
126
00:06:35,977 --> 00:06:38,996
And we all know
how painful that can be.
127
00:06:43,693 --> 00:06:45,986
- Jerry? Oh, there you are.
- Oh, Elaine Benes.
128
00:06:45,987 --> 00:06:49,215
Well, this is quite a thrill.
Yes, come.
129
00:06:51,826 --> 00:06:54,327
Yes, sit down. Yes.
130
00:06:54,328 --> 00:06:57,872
Well, I'll tell you, this sidler guy
is really chapping my hide.
131
00:06:57,873 --> 00:07:01,936
Excuse me?
Yeah, we're talking this way.
132
00:07:02,253 --> 00:07:04,337
He's getting credit
for work that I did.
133
00:07:04,338 --> 00:07:06,631
He's gonna sidle me
right out of a job.
134
00:07:06,632 --> 00:07:10,903
Now, for those of us who don't know,
sidling is what?
135
00:07:11,533 --> 00:07:13,406
Kramer, what is wrong with you?
136
00:07:14,974 --> 00:07:16,224
What do you mean?
137
00:07:16,225 --> 00:07:18,723
Well, for starters,
you're looking at note cards.
138
00:07:20,187 --> 00:07:22,793
I'm gonna give that guy
a taste of his own medicine.
139
00:07:22,794 --> 00:07:26,234
So I am going to sidle the sidler.
140
00:07:26,235 --> 00:07:30,405
You sidle? You stomp around
like a Clydesdale.
141
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,865
Not with these honeys.
142
00:07:31,866 --> 00:07:33,950
Wrestling shoes.
143
00:07:33,951 --> 00:07:36,971
Only in New York.
144
00:07:39,269 --> 00:07:41,350
Jerry?
145
00:07:42,814 --> 00:07:46,046
Hey. Well, ladies and gentlemen.
146
00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:49,278
It's our good friend,
George Costanza.
147
00:07:49,279 --> 00:07:51,464
What a surprise.
148
00:07:57,308 --> 00:07:59,702
Turn music off.
149
00:08:00,332 --> 00:08:01,996
Yeah, sit, sit.
150
00:08:06,692 --> 00:08:08,773
- Well, it happened again.
- What happened?
151
00:08:09,195 --> 00:08:10,755
I'll ask the questions.
152
00:08:12,949 --> 00:08:14,508
What happened?
153
00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:19,308
Well, I just stomped some pigeons
in the park. They didn't move.
154
00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:22,958
All right. Let's change the subject.
155
00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:26,711
Now, you and Jerry dated for a while.
Tell us...
156
00:08:26,712 --> 00:08:28,585
what was that like?
157
00:08:32,134 --> 00:08:34,111
It's the wrong card.
158
00:08:35,784 --> 00:08:38,598
I don't get these birds.
They're breaking the deal.
159
00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:41,101
It's like the pigeons decided
to ignore me.
160
00:08:41,102 --> 00:08:42,661
So they're like everyone else.
161
00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:47,562
All right, let's take a short break.
162
00:09:01,330 --> 00:09:03,620
Okay, we're back.
163
00:09:08,421 --> 00:09:10,922
Boy, that bank clock
is eight minutes off.
164
00:09:10,923 --> 00:09:13,526
Then why don't you just
run it over too?
165
00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:25,830
George, what are you doing?
166
00:09:26,147 --> 00:09:28,231
Did you see that?
That pigeon didn't move.
167
00:09:28,232 --> 00:09:31,151
I had to swerve out of the way.
I saved that pigeon's life.
168
00:09:31,152 --> 00:09:35,843
What pigeon?
You drove right into that squirrel.
169
00:09:35,844 --> 00:09:38,033
Squirrel?
170
00:09:38,034 --> 00:09:40,845
Well, we have no deal with them.
171
00:09:52,006 --> 00:09:55,654
Jerry, those hands. They never stop.
172
00:09:55,655 --> 00:09:57,427
I'm sorry.
173
00:09:57,428 --> 00:10:00,135
You got any booze?
What say you and I get ripped.
174
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:03,683
No, thanks. I have a headache.
175
00:10:03,684 --> 00:10:06,495
Can you just get me an aspirin?
176
00:10:06,812 --> 00:10:08,581
All right.
177
00:10:12,443 --> 00:10:15,671
"Will not cause drowsiness."
178
00:10:16,822 --> 00:10:20,572
"May cause drowsiness."
179
00:10:26,624 --> 00:10:28,291
Here's the new copy you wanted.
180
00:10:28,292 --> 00:10:30,269
Oh, yes.
181
00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:35,691
Well, this certainly looks like
a lot of words in record time.
182
00:10:36,217 --> 00:10:39,132
I'm very impressed with both of you.
183
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:43,828
Thank you.
184
00:10:43,829 --> 00:10:47,894
Unfortunately, I am also disgusted.
185
00:10:47,895 --> 00:10:50,602
This is incoherent drivel.
186
00:10:51,232 --> 00:10:53,838
This is a total redo...
187
00:10:53,839 --> 00:10:57,171
and I'm assuming I need it
right away.
188
00:10:57,697 --> 00:10:59,673
Well, I guess we'll just have...
189
00:11:03,431 --> 00:11:06,555
Oh, just give me that.
190
00:11:17,508 --> 00:11:20,111
Mission accomplished.
Back to base, Joe.
191
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:28,456
Doctor, is the squirrel going to live?
192
00:11:28,457 --> 00:11:32,314
There's been massive trauma.
We could, of course, try to save him...
193
00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:35,859
but it would be costly, difficult,
and we'd have to send away...
194
00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:38,358
for some special,
really tiny instruments.
195
00:11:39,926 --> 00:11:42,428
Well, are there any other options?
196
00:11:42,429 --> 00:11:44,301
We could put him to sleep.
197
00:11:44,723 --> 00:11:46,178
What might that cost?
198
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,457
Well, it's by the pound,
so about 80 cents.
199
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:51,812
- Well...
- George.
200
00:11:51,813 --> 00:11:54,103
I was just... I was curious, that's all.
201
00:11:57,548 --> 00:12:00,258
We'd like you to do
everything possible.
202
00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:02,865
He's not gonna be the same,
you know?
203
00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:05,156
Yeah, yeah, I know.
204
00:12:06,411 --> 00:12:09,326
So they're flying
the tiny instruments in from El Paso.
205
00:12:09,852 --> 00:12:13,706
El Paso.
I spent a month there one night.
206
00:12:15,170 --> 00:12:17,251
El Paso.
207
00:12:18,611 --> 00:12:20,070
What's he here for?
208
00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,989
Well, he takes some of the pressure
off of me.
209
00:12:22,990 --> 00:12:24,866
So, Jerry what's going on with you?
210
00:12:24,867 --> 00:12:28,411
I understand there's a young lady
in your life.
211
00:12:28,412 --> 00:12:32,165
Actually, it's kind of a funny story,
because she has this toy collection...
212
00:12:32,166 --> 00:12:34,250
and last night,
I got to play with them.
213
00:12:34,251 --> 00:12:36,753
Well, sounds like things
are progressing.
214
00:12:36,754 --> 00:12:38,317
Do I hear wedding bells?
215
00:12:38,318 --> 00:12:40,924
- Are you married right now?
- Newman.
216
00:12:40,925 --> 00:12:42,801
She doesn't even know
about the toys.
217
00:12:42,802 --> 00:12:47,597
I gave her the wrong kind of medicine
and I guess she passed out.
218
00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:49,474
What do you mean, wrong kind?
219
00:12:49,475 --> 00:12:51,664
She's got that Mattel
football game we loved.
220
00:12:51,665 --> 00:12:53,228
You gotta get me over there.
221
00:12:53,229 --> 00:12:56,147
Wait a minute. You mean
to say that you drugged a woman...
222
00:12:56,148 --> 00:12:59,171
so you could take advantage
of her toys?
223
00:12:59,172 --> 00:13:01,775
Let's pause a moment.
224
00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:05,115
Jerry...
225
00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:07,930
what you do with your
personal life is your business.
226
00:13:07,931 --> 00:13:10,846
But when you're on my set,
you clean it up, mister.
227
00:13:11,163 --> 00:13:12,622
I told you he was a risk.
228
00:13:12,623 --> 00:13:15,646
Oh, like he's not just carrying you,
and has been for years.
229
00:13:15,647 --> 00:13:18,875
Yeah, well, you bombed. That story
stunk worse than these chairs.
230
00:13:19,609 --> 00:13:22,420
Smile, everyone. We're back.
231
00:13:25,031 --> 00:13:27,113
- You wanted to see me, Elaine?
- Yes, Lou.
232
00:13:27,951 --> 00:13:30,348
You've got a lot going for you.
233
00:13:30,349 --> 00:13:33,268
You're spontaneous.
234
00:13:33,269 --> 00:13:35,663
You're symmetrical.
235
00:13:39,108 --> 00:13:40,668
You're very quick, aren't you?
236
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:44,943
It's just that your:
237
00:13:45,364 --> 00:13:46,820
My dead tooth?
238
00:13:47,762 --> 00:13:49,844
No.
239
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:51,929
Your:
240
00:13:54,227 --> 00:13:55,474
What, my breath?
241
00:13:57,147 --> 00:13:58,293
What can I do?
242
00:13:58,294 --> 00:14:02,985
Well, you should never, ever
go anywhere without these.
243
00:14:02,986 --> 00:14:05,693
Thanks, Elaine.
You're such a super lady.
244
00:14:16,228 --> 00:14:18,414
More wine and turkey?
245
00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:24,361
So when I saw George with an
18-pound turkey and a box of wine...
246
00:14:24,362 --> 00:14:27,277
I thought, "What a coincidence,
we're just about to eat."
247
00:14:27,594 --> 00:14:30,408
What is that stuff in turkey
that makes you sleepy?
248
00:14:30,409 --> 00:14:31,656
- Tryptophan.
- Tryptophan.
249
00:14:32,808 --> 00:14:34,162
I think.
250
00:14:34,163 --> 00:14:36,456
Have some more wine.
251
00:14:36,457 --> 00:14:38,020
What video did you get?
252
00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:42,292
Oh, George brought home movies
of his boyhood trip to Michigan.
253
00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:44,485
Four hours.
254
00:14:44,486 --> 00:14:47,193
More heavy gravy?
255
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:52,823
Yes. Touchdown. Your turn, Jerry.
256
00:14:58,771 --> 00:15:03,459
Lately though, I've been buying
the generic brand of wax beans.
257
00:15:04,819 --> 00:15:07,216
You know, I rip off the label...
258
00:15:07,217 --> 00:15:09,507
I can hardly tell the difference.
259
00:15:09,928 --> 00:15:12,948
We've officially bottomed out.
260
00:15:13,995 --> 00:15:16,806
- Who's our next guest?
- We got no one.
261
00:15:17,644 --> 00:15:21,289
We need a new format.
We should shut down and retool.
262
00:15:36,204 --> 00:15:40,475
- What about a guest host?
- I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
263
00:15:42,982 --> 00:15:45,584
- Doctor, how's the squirrel?
- Is he dead?
264
00:15:46,631 --> 00:15:50,902
No, fortunately the special
tiny instruments arrived just in time.
265
00:15:51,219 --> 00:15:54,343
- Would you like to visit him?
- Yes, he would.
266
00:15:59,874 --> 00:16:02,893
You have 30 minutes.
267
00:16:10,092 --> 00:16:11,652
So...
268
00:16:12,908 --> 00:16:14,467
squirrel.
269
00:16:16,661 --> 00:16:18,746
One more thing, Mr. Costanza.
270
00:16:18,747 --> 00:16:22,500
We just need to know what time
you'll be picking him up tomorrow.
271
00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:23,855
What's that?
272
00:16:23,856 --> 00:16:27,918
Oh, we're discharging the squirrel.
We think he'll be better off at home.
273
00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:30,942
He has no home. He's a squirrel.
274
00:16:31,989 --> 00:16:33,344
Your home, Mr. Costanza.
275
00:16:33,345 --> 00:16:35,951
Just make sure he gets his medicine
six times a day...
276
00:16:35,952 --> 00:16:38,241
and keep his tail elevated.
277
00:16:41,791 --> 00:16:43,667
Maybe it'll be fun having a pet.
278
00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:46,166
It's not a pet. It's a wild invalid.
279
00:16:47,526 --> 00:16:49,610
And it knows that I tried to kill it.
280
00:16:49,611 --> 00:16:53,673
As soon as it gets better, it's gonna
gnaw my brain out in my sleep.
281
00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:57,013
Jerry. Hey.
What are you doing tomorrow?
282
00:16:57,014 --> 00:17:00,246
- I want you to come by.
- What about my questionable material?
283
00:17:00,247 --> 00:17:02,644
No, we got a whole new format.
Edgy, youthful.
284
00:17:02,645 --> 00:17:06,189
- Plus, we got Jim Fowler.
- Jim Fowler?
285
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,692
The animal guy from Wid Kingdom
is coming?
286
00:17:08,693 --> 00:17:11,816
Well, I practically raised his kids.
287
00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:15,156
Perfect, a zoo guy.
He takes care of animals.
288
00:17:15,157 --> 00:17:16,509
Can I bring the squirrel by?
289
00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:19,536
Two animal acts on the same show?
290
00:17:19,537 --> 00:17:21,725
Is this amateur hour?
291
00:17:21,726 --> 00:17:25,372
Look, George, I'm sorry,
maybe another time, all right?
292
00:17:25,793 --> 00:17:26,939
I gotta get to Fowler.
293
00:17:26,940 --> 00:17:28,816
I know he would take this squirrel.
294
00:17:28,817 --> 00:17:31,419
- It's practically bionic.
- Hey.
295
00:17:33,092 --> 00:17:34,655
Nice sidle, huh?
296
00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:38,513
Speaking of which,
I think I've got that problem solved.
297
00:17:38,514 --> 00:17:39,764
Tic Tacs work?
298
00:17:39,765 --> 00:17:42,159
He's a human maraca.
299
00:17:43,102 --> 00:17:46,021
Boy, my knuckles are still cramped
from that football game.
300
00:17:46,022 --> 00:17:48,106
You took him over to Celia's?
301
00:17:48,107 --> 00:17:49,771
What? It's a victimless crime.
302
00:17:50,192 --> 00:17:53,737
What about the woman who's been
drugged and taken advantage of?
303
00:17:53,738 --> 00:17:55,715
Okay, one victim.
304
00:17:56,136 --> 00:17:58,012
I think it's unconscionable.
305
00:17:58,013 --> 00:18:01,765
Last night, I found a whole Weeble
village behind the Easy-Bake Oven.
306
00:18:01,766 --> 00:18:02,909
Easy-Bake Oven?
307
00:18:04,269 --> 00:18:06,249
Who wants a cupcake?
308
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,601
Me, me, me, me, me.
309
00:18:08,544 --> 00:18:11,254
You know that batter is like
30 years old.
310
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:13,131
You step on it and it fushes.
311
00:18:13,132 --> 00:18:16,572
Why is your father giving a tour
of a rest stop?
312
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:20,117
- Stop squirming.
- Don't. This is where they change me.
313
00:18:20,118 --> 00:18:21,890
- You're like 8 years old.
- Georgie.
314
00:18:21,891 --> 00:18:24,493
I was 7 and a half.
315
00:18:30,545 --> 00:18:32,108
That noise.
316
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:34,611
- That's the noise.
- What?
317
00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:37,009
That infernal rattling
that has plagued me...
318
00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:40,241
these past two days,
and I could not find the source.
319
00:18:40,242 --> 00:18:42,848
In my office, in the hallway...
320
00:18:42,849 --> 00:18:46,185
even in the men's room.
Shame on you, Elaine.
321
00:18:46,186 --> 00:18:48,270
No, no, Mr. Peterman.
That wasn't me.
322
00:18:48,271 --> 00:18:51,812
That reminds me of
the Haitian voodoo rattle torture.
323
00:18:53,068 --> 00:18:55,357
You haven't gone over to their side,
have you?
324
00:18:56,092 --> 00:18:57,759
No, Mr. Peterman.
325
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:02,552
Because if I hear one more rattle,
just one, you're out on your can.
326
00:19:03,912 --> 00:19:06,413
And if you are undead...
327
00:19:06,414 --> 00:19:09,434
I'll find out about that too.
328
00:19:24,349 --> 00:19:26,535
Lou. In here.
329
00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:28,206
We have to talk.
330
00:19:28,207 --> 00:19:30,396
- Oh, right.
- Stop it.
331
00:19:30,397 --> 00:19:31,751
Bad voodoo.
332
00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:34,251
- You've gotta stop using these.
- Why?
333
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:36,861
Because they're turning
your teeth green.
334
00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:38,734
I only buy the white ones.
335
00:19:39,364 --> 00:19:43,221
Okay. Well, then your teeth
are green for a different reason.
336
00:19:43,222 --> 00:19:45,932
You gotta stop carrying these, okay?
Just use mouthwash.
337
00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:48,640
I can't. It burns my cankers.
338
00:19:49,478 --> 00:19:50,624
Binaca.
339
00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:53,440
- Again.
- Right, right, cankers.
340
00:19:53,441 --> 00:19:56,046
- I got it. Chew gum.
- I hate gum.
341
00:19:56,047 --> 00:19:59,175
The only gum I liked came with
the Mickey Mouse gumball machine.
342
00:19:59,176 --> 00:20:01,152
They stopped making that
20 years ago.
343
00:20:01,887 --> 00:20:04,281
Well, stinky, this is your lucky day.
344
00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:11,684
Okay, a little later we're gonna be
talking with animal expert, Jim Fowler.
345
00:20:11,792 --> 00:20:13,769
Where are the cameras?
346
00:20:14,712 --> 00:20:17,732
But first, we're talking with Jerry.
347
00:20:18,987 --> 00:20:20,967
Hey, Jerry...
348
00:20:20,968 --> 00:20:25,764
you drugged a woman
in order to play with her toy collection.
349
00:20:25,765 --> 00:20:27,641
How do you feel about that?
350
00:20:27,642 --> 00:20:30,769
It was great. I've done it
a few more times since then.
351
00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:33,480
And she doesn't know
anything about this?
352
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:34,940
No. Not a thing.
353
00:20:34,941 --> 00:20:39,211
Well, Jerry, we have a little surprise
for you. Come on out, Celia.
354
00:20:39,633 --> 00:20:42,339
What kind of sick, twisted creep
are you?
355
00:20:45,576 --> 00:20:47,765
What is this?
What is she doing here?
356
00:20:47,766 --> 00:20:50,893
What? It's the new format.
Scandals and animals.
357
00:20:50,894 --> 00:20:55,064
If you think you can drug me and play,
you've got another thing coming.
358
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:57,045
Go, girl.
359
00:20:57,046 --> 00:21:00,691
Well, what kind of woman
drinks an entire box of wine?
360
00:21:02,781 --> 00:21:07,052
Mr. Fowler, I have a squirrel here
that is a miracle of modern science.
361
00:21:07,264 --> 00:21:08,828
I told you, we're booked.
362
00:21:08,829 --> 00:21:11,535
Careful. Hawks and squirrels
don't get along together.
363
00:21:11,852 --> 00:21:15,289
Another interesting confrontation.
This could be spicy, bring him over.
364
00:21:15,815 --> 00:21:17,896
No, you idiot. Hawks eat squirrels.
365
00:21:27,806 --> 00:21:29,887
Are we getting this?
366
00:21:33,332 --> 00:21:35,312
So the whole set was destroyed?
367
00:21:35,313 --> 00:21:38,962
Well, the squirrel kept scurrying
and the hawk kept clawing.
368
00:21:38,963 --> 00:21:42,608
Well, at least we know that
prosthetic squirrel hips work.
369
00:21:43,134 --> 00:21:45,010
Sorry about the set.
370
00:21:45,011 --> 00:21:48,555
I'll tell you, it was a grind
having to fill 10 hours a day.
371
00:21:48,556 --> 00:21:52,201
I'm not sure I was ready
to have my own talk-show set.
372
00:21:53,665 --> 00:21:56,476
I got the nut bread, George.
Let's go.
373
00:21:57,732 --> 00:21:59,295
So the squirrel's gonna make it?
374
00:21:59,296 --> 00:22:01,585
Yeah, he's in my bed.
375
00:22:02,007 --> 00:22:03,778
I'm sleeping on the couch.
376
00:22:03,779 --> 00:22:05,968
On the couch? So you're...
377
00:22:05,969 --> 00:22:07,216
Still getting nothing.
378
00:22:10,661 --> 00:22:14,411
Oh, go ahead, pigeons. Laugh it up.
379
00:22:14,624 --> 00:22:19,937
I'm getting in my car now,
and the last I heard, we have no deal.
380
00:22:20,671 --> 00:22:24,215
I'm glad you called, Elaine.
I really needed to talk to someone.
381
00:22:24,216 --> 00:22:28,386
Oh, well, hey, I dated Jerry too.
I know what a monster he can be.
382
00:22:28,387 --> 00:22:30,260
More wine and turkey?
383
00:22:31,724 --> 00:22:33,808
- Who's he?
- Oh, he's nobody.
384
00:22:33,809 --> 00:22:37,142
Hey, listen,
let me top that off for you.
29149
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