Original subtitles

Hey, watch it.

Oh, come on.

Hey, Mike!

-Hey, Larry. -How you doing?

Have you seen Nicky?

I'm pretty sure he went with Erica. It was half day today.

Parent Career Day.

-Hey. -Hey. Come on in.

-You all right? -Yeah, yeah.

Why didn't anybody tell me it was Career Day?

What do you mean? Nicky said he was gonna tell you.

Oh, okay, I guess he forgot.

There he is. How are you, Larry?

Good. How are you doing, Don?

Good.

Can you believe this weather?

Chilly, right? Chilly, chilly, Chilly Willy the penguin.

Leave me alone. Hey, why don't I go tell the little corncob you're here.

Great. Great, that's great. Yeah, thanks.

Wow, your fiance really manages to squeeze a lot onto that belt.

-Stop it. -What?

What? No, it's like he's...

...the Batman of stockbrokers.

-Bond trader. -Bond trader. Sorry.

Hey, how's it going with that virtual-reality driving range that you wanted to open?

Getting there, still waiting for the technology to catch up.

It's not easy, there are a lot of moving parts.

Hey, do you think Nick would like Queens?

Oh, no, Larry. You didn't get evicted again, did you?

I didn't...

...get evicted. I didn't get evicted, no. I mean, I didn't....

-No, I didn't get evicted yet. It's like-- -Larry, listen to me.

I don't know how much more Nicky can take.

Every couple months, it's a new career, a new apartment.

If it wasn't for Nicky, I wouldn't say anything, I would stay out of it.

It's just, it's too much instability. It's not good for him.

I'm trying to figure things out right now, okay?

You know...

...I don't think that Nicky should stay with you.

-What? -Just until you get really settled.

Hey, Dad.

-Hey, ready to carve it up? -Cool.

All right, good! Take it, Nicky! Break away!

-What are you doing? -Hey, Nicky! Are you all right?

-You okay? -I'm fine. Would you get off the ice?

Listen. Their left defenseman is a very weak skater.

So you go left side, you got a clear shot at the goal. Okay?

-Cool, thanks. -All right, man.

We're good here. We're good. All right. As you were, skaters.

Game on!

I'm good.

I'm telling you, you tore it up out there today.

Thinking the NHL is a serious possibility.

I don't really wanna be a hockey player anymore.

-All right. What do you wanna be? -A bond trader.

A bond trader?

Yeah, it's what Don does. He took me to his office last week.

That's cool.

So you wanna dress up in a monkey suit and tie every day?

Like an automaton robot?

Trust me, you can't play hockey in a cubicle. Kind of awkward.

Well, he's got a pretty big office.

That's not the point. Come on, you love hockey.

I still like it, but bond trading's my fallback.

Your fallback?

Wait a minute. You're too young to have a fallback, okay?

And also, where did you ever even hear that word?

Mom was talking to Don about all your different schemes.

She called them schemes?

She said it was time you found a fallback.

Are you really moving again?

I don't know. We'll see. I mean...

...there's some pretty cool places out in Queens.

-Yeah. -Hey.

Hey, Nicky, look at me.

Look at me, man. I wanna tell you something.

I know that things have been kind of up and down for me lately...

...and that's been hard for you.

But I really feel like my moment's coming and when it does...

...everything's just gonna come together, you know?

What if you're wrong...

...and you're just an ordinary guy who should get a job?

All right, well....

You know what, we'll figure it out, okay?

All right? Come on, let's get you back to Mom's.

Mr. Daley, I can honestly say, in 43 years at this agency...

...I've never seen a resume quite like yours.

All right.

That wasn't a compliment.

It says here you were the CEO...

...of Snaptime lndustries.

Care to elaborate on that?

Sure. Well, that was the umbrella corporation for my invention, the Snapper.

You know, you snap, the lights come on. Snap, they come off.

Didn't they already make that?

No, no, that's the Clapper, which, obviously...

...stole a bit of our thunder.

Personally, I don't really see what the big difference is, I mean:

You know, whatever, but...

...apparently there is a significant portion of the population that has trouble actually...

-...snapping. -Clapping's easier.

Debatable.

I can't help you.

Debbie?

Can I call you Debbie? Because...

...I felt a connection when I entered this office...

...and I don't know, I feel like you did too.

I didn't feel a connection.

Look.

I need a job tomorrow, okay?

If I don't have one....

Well, I just need it, okay?

Well, I don't know.

I might have one thing.

They've turned down everyone I've sent over there, but--

Great.

--who knows?

You might get lucky.

-Excuse me. Hi. -Hi.

I'm Larry Daley. I've got a job interview with Cecil Fredricks.

-Right. He should still be in his office. -Great.

-I'm Rebecca Hutman. I'm a docent here. -Hi.

-Let me point you in the right direction. -Great.

Teddy Roosevelt, right?

-Yes, a great visionary. -Yes, definitely.

He was our 4th president, right?

-Twenty-sixth. -Twenty-sixth.

Please don't touch the exhibits! I mean....

Riffraff.

Miss Hutman. I cannot tolerate this type of chaos.

I mean, this is a museum, not a....

Do you know what "museum" means?

It doesn't mean, "Daddy, it's a big Tyrannosaurus thing.

Can I touch its leg? " No!

Work it out, please.

-Will do, sir. -Thank you.

Dr. McPhee, the museum director.

Seems like a fun guy.

Control your young, please. Can we?

Hello? Just kidding.

Hi. I'm Larry Daley. Are you Mr. Fredricks?

Mr. Fredricks was my father.

I am Cecil. Good to meet you, Larry. Nice firm handshake.

I like that. Tells a lot about a man. Come on in.

Let's talk turkey here.

The museum is losing money, hand over fist.

I guess kids today don't care about wax figures or stuffed animals.

So they're downsizing, which is code for firing...

...myself and the other two night guards.

They want to replace us with one new guard.

-Oh, sorry. -Well, what are you gonna do?

I'd like you to meet my two colleagues here.

Reginald? Gus?

Where is he? I'll beat him with my fist!

Gus, this is Larry Daley, the kid who wants to be the new night guard.

Night guard?

No, the lady at the agency said this was a museum position.

Most important position in the museum, Larry.

He looks like a weirdie.

Wonderful guard, terrible people skills.

Now, listen, lunch box. Don't try anything funny.

I once went nine rounds with John L. Sullivan.

You never fought John L. Sullivan in your life.

Gentlemen, we have a job candidate here.

He's got an excellent resume, a winning attitude...

...and I say let's give him a shot. What do you say?

Hang on a sec. I think I might wanna have a little time just to think it over.

Do you want the job or not, snack shack?

-No, no, I want the job-- -Welcome to the night guards, Larry.

Larry, meet me up on the second floor.

I'll slip into my orthopedics and give you a little tour. Arthritic knees.

Not fun getting old, my friend. Go on.

You really think he's the one?

Oh, yes.

He's the one.

Gotta keep it moving, Larry. I'm pretty spry for an old man.

This is the Diorama Room.

Oh, yeah.

I remember these little guys. Cute.

Cecil!

Hey, Cecil!

-Did I get you good? -Yeah.

You got me.

Seriously, though, no fooling around in here. This stuff is really old.

All right, then. As you can see, it's pretty quiet in here these days.

On the left there is your Attila the Hun.

And here we have our Easter lsland head.

Hey, Cecil.

And this, of course, is the Hall of African Mammals.

Ah, yes.

Monkeys. I love monkeys.

-Yeah. -Guy's cute.

Yeah, we call him Dexter. He's quite a little...

...ball of fun, aren't you, Dexter?

Moving on.

And, finally, this is the temple of the Pharaoh Ahkmenrah.

And in that tomb right down there, the pharaoh himself.

Neat.

And hanging on the wall behind him...

...was his most prized possession, the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.

Twenty-four-carat gold. It's worth a fortune.

Very cool.

It is indeed, Larry.

Very cool.

All right. Report here at 5 tomorrow. We'll walk you through your duties.

Okay, 5. I'll be here.

Moving on.

Hey, it's me. So I got a job.

Larry, that's great. What is it?

It's a job...

...at the Museum of Natural History.

Yeah, so you can tell Nicky that we won't be moving.

Larry, this is good news.

Yeah, no, definitely. So I'll see you tomorrow?

-Okay. -Okay, bye.

Larry?

Your keys. Your torch.

-Right. -You'll wanna strap those to your belt.

It can get a little spooky around here at night...

...so you might wanna put a few lights on.

All right, flashlight, keys. What am I for--?

The instruction manual.

Instructions.

You start with one, two, three....

Four?

Are you cracking wise?

I ought to punch you in the nose, hopscotch.

Leave him alone, Gus. You got it covered, right, Larry?

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

-You better get it! -Gus.

Larry, do them in order, do them all and do them quick.

And the most important thing of all to remember: Don't let anything in or out.

Out?

Good luck, son.

-Night, Gus. -Young buck. Cracking wise.

Moving on.

Hello?

Hello!

Check!

Check.

I am Larry.

Check! Larry! Larry.

Monday! Monday! Monday!

Monster Truck Rally.

Cecil?

Okay, very funny, Cecil!

What is this, like a David Copperfield thing?

This is weird.

Cecil?

Come on. Revolve. Revolve!

-Name, please? -Cecil...

-...Fredricks! -One moment. Connecting.

-Hello. -Cecil! It's Larry Daley!

Larry. Yes, how can I help you?

The dinosaur-- The dinosaur is alive!

I'm having a little trouble hearing you, friend.

Tequila.

The dinosaur's alive!

What do I do? Tell me what to do!

Read the instructions. It explains everything.

Okay, I got them!

-I'll see you tomorrow. -Wait! What--?

What bone?

Fetch?

Play fetch?

No way.

-Dum-dum. -Yes?

-You give me gum-gum. -I give you gum-gum?

You new dum-dum. You give me gum-gum.

Okay, you know what? I have no gum-gum. Sorry.

And my name isn't dum-dum, my name's Larry.

No, your name dum-dum.

Oh, you in trouble, dum-dum.

You'd better run-run from Attila the Hun-Hun.

See you later, dum-dum.

What is happening?

Hey.

How you doing?

Are you...?

You're...

..."Sakagahwahwaya"?

You're "Sakagawaya"?

Oh, Sakagawea. You're Sakagawea?

The glass. I can't...

...hear you.

You can't...? You can't hear me?

Excuse me. "Who assisted the Lewis and Clark--"

Right, so that's Lewis and Clark and you're.... Right.

You seem-- I'm Larry.

What's going on? What's--? Do you know what's going on here?

Huns. I gotta--

Hey. Hi.

Tin Man. Hey. Hi. How you doing?

I'm new. It says I'm supposed to lock up the lions or they'll eat me.

You're Galileo? No?

Okay....

Hey, I'm the....

Hi. I'm the new guy and I'm just locking up, so....

If it's cool with you I'm just gonna get my paperwork...

...and be out of your hair, okay?

"Double-check your belt. The monkey probably stole your keys."

Monkey.

Hey. Hey there. Hi. What's your name? Your name is....

No, no, no. Come back. Come back.

Dewey? Is that your name, Dewey?

No, no, no. What's--? Dewey? Dexter? Dexter. Dexter, right?

Hey, Dexter, you wanna give me those keys?

I just want to lock up.

Yes. Oh, good. Come to Papa.

Oh, thank you. Can I have those keys? Oh, good. What a good boy.

That's okay. Oh, thank you.

Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. Thank you very, very much.

Bad monkey. Stop that.

That's not right. Are you done?

Do you have an issue with me? Do you have an issue with me?

Because if I have a problem with somebody, I don't pee on them, okay?

And also-- Let me tell you something. These keys?

Hey. Dexter, that's not funny. Give it back.

Dexter. Give--

Don't. I know what you're thinking. Don't do it. Not a good idea.

Not-- Dexter, I need those.

Don't encourage him. You think you're funny for your friends, huh?

You three guys-- What, he's the ringleader, you're the audience?

Yeah, no. Don't do it, okay?

Lookit-- You!

Oh, this is not happening.

Oh, man.

What are you guys doing?

I can't feel my lip.

Oh, shit.

Man.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, stop that.

Hog-tie him, boys.

-Get him, that big old Bocephus of a man. -Hey, what are you doing?

Cinch him up good. You ain't so big now, are you?

Hey. Hey, stop that.

Every night, year after year...

...one of you guards locks us up in these boxes.

Well, I hereby say, sir, enough!

Fire up the iron horse, boys.

-Hey, blondie? -Name's Jedediah.

All right, Jedediah. Stop the train, please.

-That's a big no-can-do, Cracker Jack. -What's going on here, huh?

-Somebody's gotta pay. -Pay for what?

I don't know. Just pay. Now, stop whining and just take it like a man.

Seriously, stop the train.

-All right, stop the train. -Thank you.

Now full speed ahead and ram him!

Split his head like a watermelon!

For crying out loud.

All right, that's enough.

We got a breach.

I got him. I got him. I got him, guys. I got him--

-Oh, my.... -Prepare the catapults.

Octavius, hold on. This ain't your fight. This here giant's on our land.

Hey, little guy. Jed? Yeah.

Sorry, look. I just-- I'm not a giant. I'm just an average-sized--

Don't talk down to me.

I'm not a giant, guys. All right? You guys are really little.

We may be small, but our hearts are large...

...metaphorically speaking.

Don't take that wrong. I'm saying you're miniatures.

Silence! The Roman Empire knows no boundaries.

-Don't you do it, son. -Do what?

-Octavius. -Don't do what?

-Unleash hell! -Don't--

Climb aboard, boy.

Take the hand, son.

Onboard.

That's right. You better run, boy. You hear Jedediah?

That mustachioed horseman ain't always gonna be there to protect you, you hear me?

-Thank you. -Not at all.

Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president...

...of these United States of America at your service.

Okay. I'm Larry Daley, the new night guard.

Pleasure to me you, Lawrence Daley. You'll have to excuse me, though.

The hunt is afoot.

Hunt's afoot.

Excuse me, Mr. President. Could I ask you something?

-Yes, but just one question. -All right.

Okay, why? Is it just some, like, three-wishes kind of deal, or--?

Not at all. Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life.

A man must look inward to find his own answers. How can I be of help?

I don't really know how to put this, and please don't take it the wrong way...

...but isn't everything in this museum supposed to be, you know...

-...dead? -Dead?

-Yeah. -Follow me.

Yell all you want, pharaoh.

You've been in there 54 years. You're not getting out tonight.

There's the source of all this commotion.

The Tablet of Ahkmenrah.

Arrived here in 1952 from the Nile expedition.

On that night, everything in this museum came to life.

And every night since.

So everything in the museum comes to life every night?

Exactly.

And I'm supposed to do what?

You're the night watchman, Lawrence. A venerable position in this institution.

-Come on, lad. -All right. Okay. This is impossible.

Nothing's impossible. If it can be dreamed, it can be done.

Hence the 20-foot jackal staring at you. Don't make eye contact.

Your job is to make sure that everyone stays inside the museum...

...because if the sun rises and anyone's on the outside...

...we turn to dust.

-You turn to dust? -Dust.

-Really? -Really.

Now, it's almost dawn. I shall help you restore order tonight.

But mark my words, it's the last time I shall ever do so. Is that clear?

Yeah. I mean-- I mean, I guess. I don't....

Stop babbling, boy! Yes or no?

-Yes. -Good.

Let's ride.

All right. So the Hall of Reptiles is secure.

What are you looking at?

I'm tracking, dear boy.

Man's got to track. Welcome to the family, Lawrence.

See you tomorrow night.

Actually, I gotta be honest. I don't think I'm coming back.

What? You've only just begun.

Yeah, well, this is not exactly what l--

-Lawrence? -Yeah?

What did you do before you took this post?

Well, I've done a lot of different things. I invented this thing called the Snapper.

Did you give up on that as well?

No, I just hit a few roadblocks. You might have heard of The Clapper?

-Lawrence. -Yes, sir?

Some men are born great. Others have greatness thrust upon them.

For you, this is that very moment.

Bully. Got you, boy.

Yeah. You got me.

Say hello to your little friend.

-What are you doing? -Put me down.

I don't like to be manhandled.

-Just calm down, Jed. -lt doesn't feel good.

-lt makes me feel small and powerless. -You done?

I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.

Yeah, keep shooting. Nothing's gonna happen.

Now you know my shame.

Jedediah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.

This ain't over. You ain't seen the last of me.

I don't wanna hear it, okay?

Duck!

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

This is not worth 1 1.50 an hour.

Look, the giant's scared. There's a bigger giant running around.

Hello.

Larry?

Larry?

Oh, don't do that. We're too old for surprises.

Really? I thought you liked surprises. Like how you surprised me...

...with the fact everything in the museum comes to life at night.

That little sweetheart.

We wanted to tell you. You never would have believed us.

-You have any idea what I've been through? -What?

-You have any idea what I've been through? -Keep a lid on it, butterscotch.

I don't know if what happened last night was real, but I didn't sign up for this.

I just need a regular job that is not life-threatening and pays my bills.

So thank you very much and I left my uniform in the office...

-...and I will be seeing you. -Larry!

-Dad? -Hey.

Hey, buddy. What are you guys doing here?

Oh, Erica had to be in court early, so I'm taking Mr. Big Stuff here to school.

But he wanted to swing by, see you in the new job.

It's so awesome that you're working here.

Hey, Niko, you wanna take a little look-a-doo inside?

Maybe your dad will give you a VlP tour.

You know what? We're pretty slammed this morning.

Yeah, but Nicky, I promise, I'll show you around soon, okay? Deal?

-Deal. -All right.

-Bye, Dad. -Bye.

-Love you. -Love you too, buddy.

Bye, now. All right.

Hey, Larry.

So I was thinking maybe I'll give it one more night.

I'm glad you came around. Welcome back.

You. New night guard, here, now.

-What's up? -"What's up? "

Oh, well, take a walk with me and I'll show you, Mr. "What's up? "

Come on.

So would you kindly do me the favor of explaining this?

Okay. I'm guessing--

And I'm just spitballing here, but looks like that Roman dude got cocky...

...and climbed over into the Wild West.

And the cowboy knows Roman dude wants to take over his territory...

...so he rounded up a posse and put him in the stockade.

"Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard."

"No" is the answer.

Sarcasm back at you, with your humor box.

I wasn't laughing. Pretending to laugh...

...if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor.

Do you?

No.

I don't want-- No, I don't want a battle of humor.

No, you don't, because it would be a bloodbath.

Nothing funny about Little Bighorn.

No. I find it about as funny as a "fancist."

It's not funny. Okay? And I will not stand for this type of blatant....

If I'm not clear, tell me.

Am I clear?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

Hey, Cecil?

You got an extra copy of that instruction manual?

Oh, no. I'm afraid not, Larry. Listen, I'll tell you what you do.

Read some books. Brush up on your history.

Helped me a lot when I first started out.

This museum was originally dedicated to that man on the horse up there...

...President Theodore Roosevelt.

He absolutely loved history and believed that the more you know about the past...

...the better prepared you are for the future.

Okay, kids. Who can tell me what this room's called?

Very good. The Hall of African Mammals.

Right here we have the king of the jungle, the lion.

Up ahead is one of my favorite creatures in the whole museum, the capuchin monkey.

A highly intelligent primate known for its loving and generous nature.

Excuse me?

I just thought that was....

I just was laughing in agreement.

Happy monkey.

All right, kids. This way.

Let me tell you something. I'm not buying it.

You might have them fooled, you might have the kids fooled. Not me.

Can't get past me. There's a storm coming, buddy.

There's a storm coming.

One of the most famous trackers in history, Sakagawea was the woman...

...who led Lewis and Clark on their expedition to find the Pacific Ocean.

You guys have heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words."

And yet they wrote--

-Yes, Mr. Daley? -Yes. Was she deaf?

Was she deaf? No. She was not. But she--

Yeah, because-- Just-- She does seem a little bit sort of unresponsive.

That's because she's a statue.

Kids, could you give me one sec? Go check her out. She's really cool.

-What are you doing? -I'm gonna be here every night.

I wanted to learn a little bit more about what I'm guarding.

Actually, I've got a bunch of questions.

Maybe when you have a break, could I buy you a cup of coffee?

A cup of coffee?

Yeah, I mean, just purely a, you know...

...colleague-to-colleague, information-download sort of coffee.

I finish in 20 minutes. I'll meet you outside.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

-And have a good rest of your-- -All right. Okay, kids.

It was incredible what she did.

She literally led these men across rivers, up mountains...

...all with her newborn baby on her back. She was the ultimate working mother.

Wow, you are quite the Sakagawean expert.

-Sakagawean. -Sakagawean?

Yeah. I should be, I've been writing my dissertation on her for four years.

You've been working on one paper for four years? That would drive me crazy.

Actually, it's more like a 900-page book.

So, what's your story? Have you always wanted to be a security guard?

-Oh, I didn't mean to-- -No, no, no.

No, I'm divorced and I have a 10-year-old son...

...so I needed to find a more steady situation.

Got it. So, what can I tell you about the museum?

Okay, Attila the Hun. What is that guy's problem?

Attila was considered the only genuine threat to the Roman Empire.

" Known as the 'Scourge of God'...

...Attila and his Huns would often tear off the limbs of their helpless victims.

Attila was famous for his superstitious beliefs.

He surrounded himself with a phalanx of sorcerers and magicians...

...who advised and mystified him with their dark arts."

Larry?

Just wanted to say good luck, son.

And goodbye. We're clocking out for the last time.

If you're ever in Boca, look us up.

Wait, you guys are going out of town? What if this doesn't work out?

Smart fellow like you? You'll be fine.

Yeah. We'll just be a phone call away. Come on, walk us out.

You fellas go ahead.

I need a moment.

He's very emotional. A lot of memories in this room.

Go crazy, big guy.

Hey, guys.

Quest for fire...

...over. Knock yourselves out.

Morning, dum-dum.

Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum. You bring me gum-gum?

Yes, I did, fathead. Lots and lots of gum-gum.

What's that? I can't hear you through the glass.

Sorry.

Heave.

Heave. Heave.

Hey, what's going on over here?

We expand or we die.

Heave.

-Heave. -On the count of three...

...you blow this anthill to kingdom come.

-And a one and a two-- -Hey, Jed. Stop that.

No, no. You blow a hole in your mountain, all you're gonna hit is a wall.

Step aside, Gigantor. We got us a railroad to build. We're blowing a hole in that thing.

Okay, first of all, enough with the Gigantor giant stuff, okay?

-I'm just trying to close up shop. -We're gonna blow it anyway. And a three!

Yeah. What are you doing?

What's it look like we're doing? It's manifest destiny.

You can't fight it and neither can l. Go! More dynamite.

-Yeah, use it all. -All right. Okay.

Listen, "Octavus"? You gotta stop that.

It's Octavius, mary.