Original subtitles

- Previously on Impress Me.

- It's a really bad idea to do an impression of a guy

right in front of you.

It's just bad.

- Sorry. My name's Matt.

- Sorry. My name's Matt.

- Your name's Matt too?

- I don't know Jesse.

It's crazy out there, yo.

- Ross and I have a 12 step program to stop

doing impressions and transition into becoming

respected dramatic actors.

- I'm from a small town.

Like, real small, and we don't, we don't watch TV,

or modern movies, at least.

- All right, so Ross and I need two celebrities

to start with.

Give us a suggestion.

- Ian McKellen.

- Ian McKellen, all right, good.

- Colin Farrell.

- Colin Farrell.

And what are they, what's the activity?

- They're ordering a pizza at a drive through.

- Oh, so, good.

There's plenty of drive through pizza places, aren't there?

- Anyway, apparently we're in Ireland.

- We're in Ireland.

- Right.

- Ah, here we are.

Chucky Cheese's, I didn't know they had a drive through.

- Chucky Cheese's?

- Yes, no not Jesus, not Chucky Jesus,

Christ, that's sacrilegious.

I can't believe you just said that.

No, you know what that is?

That's sacrilicious.

- Excuse me.

We'd like a large pie.

- Yes, but you've got to be more specific than that.

- A large delicious pie.

- You have to say what sort of toppings

do you want on it, that sort of thing.

- I suppose the usual, rabbits.

Avocado.

Quints.

- Quints, mate?

Are you joking.

I feel like you're taking a piss.

We'd like a big pizza pie.

I feel like maybe anchovies, and pepperoni,

and stuff like that.

- Let's not overload it too much, or else it will not pass.

- Thank you so much for having me guys.

I think what you're doing with impressions is great.

And listen, if you guys ever need an extra actor.

- I do a mean job.

- Let's hear it.

I'm kidding, I'm totally kidding, that was great.

- Sunday, right.

- You almost see your abdominals.

- I know, I know.

- Sunday, see you there.

- Take care guys.

- Bye, bye.

- See ya.

- Great show gentleman.

- Oh thank you.

- Gary Lyons, Lifeboat Entertainment.

Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- We're producing a brand new content series

starring Sarah Silverman and we need a few impressionists.

- Ah, okay let me ask you this.

Do they have to be impressionists?

- Yeah, it's an upfront paying gig.

Points in the backend, the whole nine yards.

- Yeah, thank you.

We're not gonna be available for that.

Thank you, thank you for your interest.

- Step six.

Turn down a paying impression job.

- Step six.

- Well hold on, take my card.

Talk the misses, go have a drink, and get back to me.

- Okay, appreciate it, thank you so much.

Aristotle said we are what we repeatedly do.

So if I want to be a serious dramatic actor,

step six.

- You never know.

- Are you nervous?

- No, I don't really get nervous at auditions.

- If I had an audition, I'd be nervous.

- No, no, I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything.

I mean, I used to get nervous a lot at auditions.

I was terrified, but then I learned some things.

I learned some tricks to kind of get me by

and now I'm good to go.

- Yeah, like what?

- Listen .

- Hey Ross, this is Marty, Martin Scorsese.

Hi, I want you to know, look, I was this close,

I'm making a small space with my fingers,

this close to casting you ahead of Leo DiCaprio

in the Wolf of Street, okay.

So, you're on my radar my friend.

- Well, that was nice sounding.

- That was Jim.

We call each other as celebrities right before

a big audition and kind of boost each other's confidence.

It sounds silly but it's useful, and I feel good

after a lot of number of calls.

This is probably Jim doing another one.

- Hello, this is Ross.

- Hi, Ross, this is Ron Howard.

- Oh hi Ron, how are you?

- Look I want to apologize for not going through

your agent or manager, but I just want to you personally

about a small part I may have for you in a film

I'm shooting tomorrow.

- No worries at all.

How may I help you?

Actually, I'm about to go in audition though.

So, I'll tell you what Ron, why don't we do this.

Why don't you just go ahead and skip to the part

where you tell me how great of an actor I am.

That would be awesome.

- Okay, no, sorry, I'm confused.

This is Ross isn't it?

- They're about to call my name, and so if you can

just kind of speed it along--

- Sorry Ross, Jim is on the phone.

He wants to tell you that he has to give Selena ride,

so he can't pick you up.

So, what should I tell him?

- Jim is on that phone?

- Yes.

- Mr. Howard?

Mr. Howard, this is Ross.

- Thanks for the ride, dad.

- Hey, looks like we're kind of early.

Do you got a minute?

- Yeah, what's up?

- Oh, your mom and I were just talking about

you and your goals.

- What goals?

- Right.

What's the point with goals?

I mean, I'm just sort of concerned.

Scratch that.

Not concerned, but interested, yeah,

and invested in sort of your future.

That you understand what your responsibilities are.

I want to know about your career and--

- I'm 22.

- 16 when I started doing voiceovers.

- I don't know what I want to be yet, dad.

Okay, I'm not like you.

- I'm not saying you are.

- You've always known exactly what you wanted to do

with your life, and you went out and you did it.

You're right.

You have been doing impressions since you were a kid.

But that is not me.

I wish that I was like you, dad.

I wish I was as successful as you been as a voice actor.

But I'm not there yet.

I wish you understood that, but you definitely don't.

- No, I do understand, that's why I'm,

I wouldn't ask but...

Selena!

Ah, I think that went rather well.

Yes, very nice, Ron, yes delicate hand.

- Yeah, you're here great.

Everyone's in the living room.

- Oh am I late?

- Great Scott, I didn't bring my watch.

Oh my gosh, I sincerely apologize.

- Hey, Doc, don't worry about it.

You know, Jim's a cool guy, he doesn't care.

- Oh he understands me.

- Nah, Doc, he's cool.

- Hi, hello, hello McFly, come on.

- Step seven, go public with a 12 step program.

Starting with our impressionist friends.

Now, we're more than halfway through the program, so,

there's no turning back now.

And I'm gonna tell Annie all about it tonight

when she gets home.

First, you gotta tells .

- Are you gonna reveal a Kathie Griffin impression?

- Not exactly.

No, actually, I have an announcement to make.

Ross and I--

- Seriously, Ross and I?

Crashing a wedding right now, oh my god .

Where's Vince Vaughn right now?

- dope!

Did anyone bring appetizers?

'Cause I'm starving.

- Guys, I want to say something.

Jim needs to say something.

- Thank you Drew.

Angela.

I've decided, well, Ross and I've decided

that we're not gonna do impressions anymore.

We're just gonna do dramatic acting.

- Unbelievable, I can't even believe that.

That's ridiculous.

- No, no guys.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.

We're all warlocks here, we got tiger blood in our veins.

Impressions is what makes us winners.

- Okay, this is serious.

Ross and I discussed this.

- Wait, Ross, you're cool with this?

- Well, yeah, of course he is, he's fine.

- Ross, you're cool with this?

- Jim was there for me when nobody was.

He reached out to me, he mentored me,

he gave me a couch to sleep on.

He even lied to this wife to protect my reputation

instead of throwing me under the bus.

So, yeah, I am, of course I am.

And guys, I just want to say first off,

this is not about knocking impressions,

or knocking impressionists.

We enjoy doing impressions.

We've loved doing it with all of you.

You guys are my idols.

It's just that frankly, we feel like we're at a crossroads

in our career, and we just want to focus on a new path.

A path that's going to lead us towards a

different style of acting, that's all.

- Well said, well said.

- I don't get it though.

Why can't you just do both?

Yeah, you can do your sweet Justin Timberlake impression

and you can play a serial killer.

- I did a gig for Sarah Silverman the other night.

Someone saw me there and then I'm working

with Matt Jones from Breaking Bad.

- Yeah, okay, given.

But that's really a kind of a one off, alright.

All do respect, that's dumb luck.

- It's not luck, it's work.

It's one job leading to the next, it happens all the time.

- Yeah, I can speak for everybody here.

I don't like to work.

- I like work, I want work, I need work, I am work.

I'm sorry, I just can't keep on talking.

Just something my mouth, I can't help it.

Words just come out like oral diarrhea.

- Sometimes I get impressions.

- .

- Guys, guys, come on, wait guys.

Jim, Ross, what you're considering is career suicide.

And I'm speaking as a friend, one of your biggest fans.

My advice is don't do it.

- God, thanks, but I really don't need your advice.

That's not what this is about.

It's about telling you what are plan is.

- Thank you all for coming.

I could totally see how someone would look at our decision

and our plan, and go, well that's stupid.

You know, you're great impressionists.

Why don't you just go down that path.

And the truth is we've got our own path.

And sometimes the path, the stupid path is really

the one that isn't, that doesn't look stupid.

- Sorry, about the .

It was a bad idea.

- Maybe we didn't need to tell them.

- Oh, I think it's cool.

Important to open up a dialog.

Now they've heard where we're coming from.

They made some good points too.

- Well, thanks for what you said.

Turning 50 this year.

It shouldn't matter.

About a month ago, I thought it was, alright this is it.

I feel like I'm dying now.

But ever since we came up with our plan,

to focus on dramatic acting and to stop doing

impressions for good.

I just felt more alive.

You know what?

We've got to check out that theater,

see if that's gonna be okay for our show.

- Ah yeah, that's go.

- So here we are, this is it.

We're in the meat of it.

We're deep in the middle of this program

to quit being impressionists and just be dramatic actors.

And I'm exhilarated, I am.

It's been an amazing journey, don't you think?

It's kind of like we started over here,

wound up, took a plane down to LA and we met Owen Wilson.

Owen Wilson showed us around, it was great.

We went over, we saw George W. Bush in Crawford

and we took on over to Dr. Phil, and then we

saw Tommie Lee Jones, wound over to Morgan Freeman.

Morgan Freeman, that's it, had to find there.

You know, it's just wild, it just sort of took off.

It's exhilarating.

I have no idea where we're going from here,

but it's great.

- I don't know, Jim.

- Oh, no, this is a great theater, you'll see.

- I'm not talking about the theater.

I'm talking about Amon, and Angela, and Melissa said.

They made some really good points about our plan.

- Can we just talk about the theater now?

Because that's what we're doing here.

- If impression jobs can lead to dramatic jobs,

then why give up one for the other.

Maybe we can have the best of both worlds.

- They have their own journey, okay, that's their track.

Okay, but we've got a solid program, you and me.

- What if they're right?

- What, do want to quit?

You don't want to quit, right?

Not now, we can't quit now.

Look, we're right in the middle of a 12 step program.

Right in the middle.

We can't quit now.

We've got to focus on the positive here.

- So here it is, it's a modest space.

But I think it's adaptable depending on the

show you're gonna do.

You performed here before didn't you?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, but this is for something totally--

- Oh.

I'm sorry, I just have to say this.

Thanks again for your impressions classes.

They've really helped me so much.

Now if I feel uncertain, I just become Morgan Freeman

and I feel like I can conquer the world.

- Amazing, that is great.

- Thanks, yeah.

- Hey, by the way, when's the next class?

- Oh yeah, not doing them anymore.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

May I ask why?

- I...

Well, you're cured.

I mean, that's not the right word, but you know,

you no longer have that difficulty.

You've got more self confidence.

My job here is done.

You found your voice.

What do you think, Ross ?

- Yeah.

- What if I relapse?

- Like graphic design, something monochromatic.

- Oh yeah, that would be cool.

Yeah, we should...

Hmm, my key doesn't work.

You got yours?

- No.

- Oh hi, honey.

Hey, we're having trouble getting the door.

- Yeah, mom changed the locks.

- Really, we have a break-in, is she hear?

- She's not gonna talk to you.

You have to go through me.

- Okay.

Alright, I can see you're upset.

Can we just talk this out here.

- I'm not gonna talk to you either.

I'm only gonna talk to Ross.

- So if I want to talk to you, I have to talk to Ross.

Are we really gonna do this?

Honey.

Why did you change the locks?

- Honey, why did you change the locks?

- He just called me .

- Answer the question, this is productive.

- Because I'm mad at you.

- Okay.

- She says I'm mad at you.

- Yeah, I heard what she said.

- Okay.

- Why are you mad at me?

- Why are you mad at me?

- Oh Ross, I can never be mad at you?

- Because you quit on us.

Open the door.

A 12 step program to quit doing impressions.

What were you thinking?

- I was thinking this is all a well-thought-out plan.

A new strategy. - When were you

gonna tell me?

- I was waiting for the right time.

- And at the time--

- Just shut up.

- You're not gonna go through with what we created together,

that I don't know how we worked together.

And I don't know how we live together.

Get off my porch, you out, get in the house.

- We just live together.

- Straight to voicemail.

But don't worry, Emily's the best.

- Yeah, but it went straight to voicemail.

I don't want to impose.

- Oh, impose, no, dude, she's sweet, kind.

So, perhaps she's a little naive, but I'm sure

she'll let us crash there for a few days

until we figure things out.

- Annie we'll come around, right?

- Oh absolutely.

- It takes two hours .

And .

- Sounds like she's around the corner.

- That's not her.

- No answer.

- You sure?

- I still don't have a, I don't have television.

- Sounds like her.

- No, so what do I do, but sit around with myself.

I'm so over it, .

And I went all the way over.

They gave me the wrong number.

The entirely wrong number.

So, no, it was a waste.

It was a total waste, .

I can't even get a call from my apartment people--

- Emily.

- At all with, Ross.

Well, I didn't know you were coming here.

What are you doing here?

- What's going on?

- What do you mean?

- Your voice.

- You know, I think I'm coming down with a cold.

I'm so sorry.

- I don't understand.

- When I first met you, I was working

on my southern character.

But then, we started hanging out

and I started to really like you.

But , it was too late, do you know what I mean?

- You're an impressionist?

- I'm trying to at least.

I just moved to Los Angeles from London and I'm trying to--

- When were you going to tell me?

- I was just, I was waiting for the right time.

Ross, please, you have to believe me.

- I can't believe I fell for it.

- I can't believe she changed the locks.

- Wasn't even that great of a southern accent.

- Step one should have been tell your wife,

tell your manager.

That should have been step one.

- I wonder if she's even British, maybe that's a lie.

- Maybe we shouldn't stop doing impressions.

Maybe that's a mistake.

- Wait, what?

- Well, maybe what our impressionist friends

were telling us, you know, Angela, Piatte, and those guys.

Maybe they were right.

- No, no, no.

You want to quit now, while we're

halfway through the 12 step program?

We can't quit now, now that we've lost everything.

We gotta focus on the positive.

- What positive?

- Well, that's 50 cents we didn't have a moment ago.

- My wife is our manager, so now we have no job,

we have no cash, other than that.

And we have no place to live.

- So it cannot get any worse.

It can only get better.

- Jim, Ross?

Hey, everything okay here, you guys?

- Yeah, yeah, no, we're good, Piatte.

How are you doing?

- I'm good, you sure?

- Yeah, we're fine.

We're out here, you know what we're doing?

We're researching a role.

Yeah, we're gonna be a in a dramatic film.

- We're doing this part with Christian Bale's in it,

Michael Keaton, Ben Affleck.

- Val Kilmer.

- George Clooney.

- Wait, you just named off all the characters from Batman.

Are you doing a Batman movie?

- It's not a Batman movie.

There's a lot of Batman people in it,

but it's no, it's dramatic.

It's gonna be really pretty--

- Look, guys, I've been down on my luck before.

And I understand, it's hard.

Hey, due to my recent success, I happen to have a place

that I'm not using.

You guys are free to stay.

Please, you can crash there.

Get you the keys.

- No, thank you, no we're good.

- No, please, please, no no.

- We're fine, okay.

- Piatte, Piatte.

Piatte.

- Okay, so it's a little--

- Don't say a word.

- On the next Impress Me.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brad Pitt, see ya.

Donald Trump, you're fired.

- John C. Riley here, Wreck it Ralph.

- Droopy Dog, bye bye.

- Petter Griffin, eh bye.

- Christoph Waltz, Ewan McGregor.

- David Letterman, good night.

- Soap and cake.