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1
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,225
Oh, the summer of '61.
2
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,519
Our very first Fourth of July block party.
3
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:22,189
Who was that sweet guy
who always wore that beret?
4
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,774
He made those great burgers.
5
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,694
He sure did.
He was funny. Always with the joke.
6
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,112
Where is he now?
7
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,730
Blew his head off in '63.
8
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,659
Oh. That's right.
9
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,826
What was his name?
10
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:35,953
I have no idea.
11
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,663
God, I miss those burgers.
12
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,624
- What's Lake Wawayonda?
- You'll see.
13
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,292
That's where we're going on vacation.
14
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,835
It's going to be a great summer.
15
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,462
Memorial Day Parade tomorrow.
16
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,464
The block party on the Fourth.
17
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,490
The softball game.
18
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:52,135
Fireworks. Aw, cold beer on a hot night.
19
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,972
This is why we kill foreigners, kids.
20
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:56,932
Look how young we were.
21
00:00:57,150 --> 00:00:59,590
Oh, Frank, you were so handsome.
22
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,103
Yeah. Nice glasses, Dad.
23
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:04,398
You look like you took them from
Buddy Holly before they closed the casket.
24
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,860
You're right, I do. Good one, Bill.
25
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:11,710
Oh, my God, you look like Joe Morello.
26
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,782
Who the fuck is Joe Morello?
27
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:17,661
He's a jazz drummer for Dave Brubeck.
28
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,329
He's legally blind with glasses.
29
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,999
Legally,
your birth certificate says "ape."
30
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:25,544
Oh, isn't he clever?
31
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:26,628
You're fucking dead.
32
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,170
Settle down.
33
00:01:33,930 --> 00:01:35,679
Aw, so darling.
34
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,974
Frank, honey, who was filming that?
35
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:42,185
Good old Goomer.
36
00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:45,188
We had some sweet times in those days.
37
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,899
Oh, I fell in love
with that wallpaper pattern.
38
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,693
Daffodil dreams.
39
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,571
I was going to do the whole room in it.
40
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,615
And then baby Bill came along.
41
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:57,159
So, I put it on hold for a bit.
42
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,578
Mom, that was 12 years ago.
43
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,789
You say I never finish anything.
44
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:05,626
Good one, Kevin.
45
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:06,793
Oh, my God, you're right.
46
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,860
That's not funny, Kevin.
47
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,213
- I should finish it now.
- No, no, honey.
48
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,214
Sit down.
49
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,468
I didn't finish the wallpaper.
I didn't finish college.
50
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:15,886
I never finish anything.
51
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,310
You finished that half gallon of ice cream
this morning.
52
00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:20,307
Good job, Kevin, you made your mother cry.
53
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,433
You made her pregnant.
54
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:24,227
Hey, that was a happy accident
like every goddamn one of you.
55
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:26,813
Is that all I can do? Make babies?
56
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,230
No!
57
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,608
What about the Salad Tosser?
58
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:34,237
Yeah, Mom, it's the greatest thing ever.
It's on TV all the time.
59
00:02:36,730 --> 00:02:37,824
She didn't get any money from that, dildo.
60
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,578
That was my one shot, and now it's over.
61
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,746
Honey, honey, relax.
62
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,874
Your new invention
is going to be even better.
63
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,834
Just hope nobody steals that one.
64
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:51,129
Kevin, will you shut up!
Honey, honey, don't cry.
65
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:54,299
Let's watch the good times again.
See, look how happy we were.
66
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,468
We'll get it back. We'll get it back.
67
00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,888
Oh, for God's sakes.
68
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,934
Oh, fucking Japanese piece of shit!
69
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:17,197
♪ Come and get your love ♪
70
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,577
♪ Come and get your love ♪
71
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,997
♪ Come and get your love ♪
72
00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:30,460
♪ Come and get your love ♪
73
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,839
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
74
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,424
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
75
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,152
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
76
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,886
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
77
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:40,971
Ah!
78
00:03:41,540 --> 00:03:42,740
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
79
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,558
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
80
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,370
♪ Come and get your love
Come and get your love ♪
81
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,354
♪ Come and get your love now ♪
82
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,944
Damn you. Fucking do this to me
every fucking year.
83
00:03:56,820 --> 00:04:00,282
Get in that fucking hole
you fucking son of a bitch.
84
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,283
Frank?
85
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,909
Happy Memorial Day, gang.
86
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,807
Parade starts at noon, so we better
leave at eight so we get the best spot.
87
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,291
Good luck waking Kevin up.
88
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,500
I don't need luck.
89
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,545
Fire in the hole.
90
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,191
What was that? What the fuck!
91
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,535
What the fuck?!
92
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,432
Listen up.
93
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,517
Today's the kickoff to summer.
94
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,728
We're going to go
to the Memorial Day Parade
95
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,522
and have a great time
all together as a family.
96
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,815
Like we do every year.
97
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,609
You guys ready to have some fun?
98
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,270
- Yes.
- Good.
99
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,905
'Cause if either of you two boys
messes this day up for me
100
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:43,740
so help me God, I will fold these
chairs up with your heads still in them,
101
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,868
and put you right through
the fucking wall.
102
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,913
There she is.
103
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:51,374
Oh, we're gonna have a great time today,
Sue. Pure delight.
104
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,627
You don't have to force being happy
to cheer me up.
105
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,504
- I'm fine now.
- I'm not forcing anything.
106
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,470
I'm excited about today.
107
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,298
You love parades.
108
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,509
- You love parades.
- And I love you.
109
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,719
So, there you go. See? It's math.
110
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,639
That's not how the transitive property
in math works, Dad.
111
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:06,848
Shh.
112
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,726
Honey, it's a holiday. Take the day off.
113
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,561
Hey, Frank. Going to the parade?
114
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,630
You know it, pal.
115
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,981
Well, you have a good time.
116
00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:16,817
Me and Evelyn are staying home.
117
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,319
Got to keep an eye
on the empty house next door.
118
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,864
Don't want any creeps busting into it
and you know...
119
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:27,285
defecating on the carpet or...
whacking off on a soap dish.
120
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,539
You're a great neighbor, Goom.
121
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,820
Into the car for fun!
122
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,462
That's our usual spot. Ah, it's perfect.
123
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,881
If anyone tries to take it,
point at them and yell,
124
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,342
"He touched me! He touched me!"
125
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,904
Believe you me,
they will move and they will move fast.
126
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:47,130
Ooh, wait, I almost forgot my flyers.
127
00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:49,570
Honey, do you really need
to pass these out now?
128
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,580
Uh, yes, I do.
129
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,769
I have to get this product
off the ground before the baby comes.
130
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,564
Sweetheart, you've got lots of time.
131
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,274
You're going to be a huge success.
132
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,109
Today's a holiday.
133
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,902
Relax and... Hey!
134
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:04,406
You respect that flag
that's nailed to that fence.
135
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,824
Fuck you, old man!
136
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,701
Fuck me? Fuck you!
137
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,104
Get out of here, you little shit!
138
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,997
Huh. Thanks for the beer, dumb-ass.
139
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,400
Yeah! You better run from me!
140
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,473
All I'm saying is you need to relax, Sue.
141
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,627
Muah.
142
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,629
- Love your hat, princess.
- Thanks, Daddy.
143
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,757
Enjoy it while it lasts, princess.
144
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,386
When new baby comes, you'll be old news
just like the rest of us.
145
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,679
That's not true.
146
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:28,763
Yeah, it is.
147
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,891
This little dildo stole all my thunder.
148
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,894
I used to be the funny one.
And the princess.
149
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,200
Really?
150
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:38,640
Balloons, flags, Uncle Sam hats.
151
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:42,903
Get you patriotic bullshit made in Taiwan
by children without options.
152
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,195
That's Smokey.
153
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,114
Hey, Smokey!
154
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,991
Hey, Frank Murphy.
155
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,452
Flat ass but all class.
156
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,913
Frank motherfucking Murphy.
157
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,749
Man, I heard you was dead.
158
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,335
Sue, this is my old boss, Smokey.
159
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,128
Nice to finally meet you.
160
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:03,173
Aw, you two lovebirds did stay together.
161
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,591
I'm so happy for y'all.
162
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:07,844
And guess what?
We're having a baby.
163
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,560
Oh, really?
164
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,141
Well, I got to go.
165
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,893
Balloons. Flags.
166
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:19,230
Welcome to the 48th annual
Rustvale Memorial Day Parade.
167
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,401
Oh, here we go, here we go.
168
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,736
Wave at me everyone.
169
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,571
Come on, happier.
170
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,823
Like you're enjoying yourselves.
171
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,118
I'm Jim Jeffords of Channel Nine,
172
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:35,705
home of your weather-and-sports-first
action news team.
173
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,582
And I'm your master of ceremonies.
174
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,751
Smokey Greenwood
ain't got no master.
175
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,837
Let's give a big salute
to the young fighting men
176
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,882
from our very own Quint Cities
army training station.
177
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,500
Go get them, fellas.
178
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:51,429
And here's the Rustland County
Veterans of Foreign Wars.
179
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,806
Aw.
180
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,724
God, I love this country.
181
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,226
I've seen war...
182
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:57,936
up close...
183
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,646
The ratings war!
184
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,565
Channel Nine, number three and climbing.
185
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,486
And here comes the float
from our own hometown Mohican Airways.
186
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:11,616
The new Mohican is led
by its new CEO, Brandy Dunbarton,
187
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,828
who wants you to know
that Mohican is back and safer than ever.
188
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:19,791
We've gone four months
without a single tarmac death.
189
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:23,336
Hey, how come Rosie gets to be
on the float and they didn't ask you?
190
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,672
Everyone look at our black guy.
191
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,591
He's happy and well-fed.
192
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,218
Motherfucker.
193
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,220
Here's our honorary grand marshal,
194
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,306
former heavyweight contender
Irish Mickey Ireland.
195
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,558
Hey, that's Irish Mickey!
196
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,730
Oh, shoot.
197
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,648
Oh, I've never seen so much blood.
198
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,941
I did.
199
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,526
When that guy blew up in front of me.
200
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,486
Three months ago, Bill. Shove it down.
201
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,655
- When I close my eyes...
- Hey!
202
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,323
I said that was never to be discussed.
203
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,567
Now shake it off
before I buy you a doll for Christmas.
204
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,163
Doing us proud, Mickey.
205
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:01,583
Oh, Frank, I'm happy to see you happy.
206
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,418
And I'm having a great time.
207
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,711
Of course you are.
208
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,505
We've got our health. We're all together.
209
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,941
It doesn't get any better than this.
210
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:09,799
Maureen!
211
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,469
Nancy got her braces caught
in a chain-link fence,
212
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:16,306
so Mr. Kanicky wants you to be on
the computer club float right now.
213
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,682
Really, Scott?
214
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:21,352
Yeah, come on. We can hop on the float at
George Lincoln Rockwell Boulevard.
215
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,396
Aw, can I be on the float?
216
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,332
Princess,
we're watching the parade as a family.
217
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,984
Frank, the computer club
means so much to her.
218
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:29,444
Please?
219
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,905
Okay, fine.
220
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,699
Thanks, Daddy.
Make sure you take a movie of me.
221
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,744
Mr. Moto-Cross away!
222
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,246
Oh, they grow up so fast.
223
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:43,416
Yup. And then they marry an asshole
that you have to pretend to like.
224
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,878
This seat is still saved,
get your eyes off it.
225
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,214
Frank, relax, everything's fine.
226
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:52,383
Here's the exquisite Henrietta Van Horne
227
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:56,179
and her new invention that some are
calling bigger than the Bible,
228
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,889
the Salad Tosser.
229
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,641
Muah, muah.
230
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,101
Thank you, Jim.
231
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,978
Aw, I can still smell me on you.
232
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,454
My wife is here.
233
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,611
Henrietta was awarded "Woman of the Year"
by the Van Horne Foundation.
234
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,864
She's truly an inspiration
to women everywhere.
235
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,783
I bought one for every room.
236
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,760
You're my hero.
237
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,953
That should have been me
spinning up there.
238
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,498
I cannot take this anymore.
I am going to go pass out my flyers.
239
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,709
Now, honey, you just said
you were having fun.
240
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,860
So, relax.
241
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:29,921
It's okay. The plan for today was...
242
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,882
Can you please stop talking to me
like I just attempted suicide?
243
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,846
- I'm not talking to you like...
- Yes, you are!
244
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,219
"Just relax." "Just have fun."
245
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,555
I am relaxed, and I am having fun, okay?
246
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:43,268
How would you like to hear about
a new and exciting kitchen product?
247
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,936
Thank God.
248
00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:46,479
The crazy pregnant lady's gone.
249
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,648
Hey! Show some respect.
250
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,692
That crazy pregnant lady's your mother.
251
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,609
I'm gonna go find Bolo.
252
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,445
You're going to need to find a new family
if you leave your post.
253
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,531
Now slide over so we can hold
your mother's spot.
254
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,449
Jesus, what's your problem?
255
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:02,360
I'm looking at it. Now shut up
and sit the fuck down.
256
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,371
Still saved.
257
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,709
I'm so proud of you, Quincy.
258
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,336
My little computer man.
259
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,422
Mama works hard for you.
260
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,383
Real hard.
261
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,676
Thank you, Mommy.
262
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:19,137
I told you, baby.
263
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,723
Mama don't kiss on the mouth.
264
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:27,937
Suck jobs. Honor our war dead
with a suck job.
265
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,607
Here I am, Mr. Kanicky.
266
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:35,195
Ah, Maureen. I've got a very special spot
for you in the office of the future.
267
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,154
Ready?
268
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,730
I sure am. Put me up front and center.
269
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,157
Here you go.
270
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,912
Space secretary?
271
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:47,123
The job of the future for smart non-men...
272
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,420
and genetically enhanced dolphins.
273
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,293
But no one will see me.
274
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,337
Not with this on, they won't.
275
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:56,341
Secretary in Space!
276
00:11:56,424 --> 00:12:00,303
And we honor those who made
the ultimate sacrifice for our country.
277
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:03,140
All gave some. But some gave all.
278
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,350
Who doesn't love the whimsy of the circus.
279
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,477
The clowns. The popcorn.
280
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,720
For God's sake.
281
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,450
How am I supposed to go from dead soldiers
282
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,899
to the fucking whimsy
of the fucking circus?
283
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,192
Uh...
284
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:18,780
Here are the delightful elephants
from the Diddling Brothers Circus.
285
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,990
Hey, I know that shit shoveler.
286
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,618
What's wrong with you, Goliath?
You've been stopping all day.
287
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,370
This isn't playtime. Move it.
288
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,123
Easy big fella.
289
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,125
Ah!
290
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:33,544
Free shit.
291
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:37,480
Tell the ambulance driver I'm AB-negative.
292
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,800
It's very rare.
293
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,971
Let me introduce you to a new invention
that will revolutionize kitchenware.
294
00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:45,265
This is the Salad Tosser.
295
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,580
I already own three of them.
296
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,978
Oh, no. No. It's the Carrot Crisper.
297
00:12:50,610 --> 00:12:51,396
It's completely different.
298
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,398
And anyway, I invented the Salad Tosser.
299
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:56,818
Everyone knows that was
the great Henrietta Van Horne.
300
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:01,239
And you should spend less time
begging for money and work on your figure.
301
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,157
I'm not fat, I'm pregnant.
302
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,994
Women die having babies at your age.
303
00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:07,495
Hide your shame.
304
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,670
Hey, my Murphitos.
305
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:16,879
Hey, Vic.
306
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,550
This is crazy.
Everyone came out to watch me jog.
307
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:21,801
It's a parade, Vic.
308
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:25,130
You've got to take up jogging, Frank.
It's helping me stay clean.
309
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,557
You got to keep running.
The demons are gaining on me.
310
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,644
I guess you must have a lot of time on
your hands now that you lost your job.
311
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,855
Ooh, must be tough, huh?
312
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:36,149
Yeah, it's hard. They paid me to go away
313
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,485
so now I've got
a five-year lump sum severance package
314
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,900
and I don't know what to do with it.
315
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:43,740
I've just got piles of money lying around.
316
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:48,202
I went to Vegas to try to lose some of it,
but I even won more.
317
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:52,123
A lady of the night refused payment.
She just wanted to smell my T-shirt.
318
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,625
So, yeah, it's hard.
319
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,170
Why can't I just die in my sleep?
320
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,880
Great talking to you, Frank.
321
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,512
Oh, man. Vic is such a great guy.
322
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,265
He shot up his house.
Why would he do that?
323
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,767
You and me think alike, Bill.
324
00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:12,685
Thanks for sticking with me.
325
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,562
You're a chip off the old block.
326
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,398
Dependable, loyal, fair-skinned.
327
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,275
Look at you. Getting a healthy sunburn.
328
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,270
It's starting to hurt, Dad.
329
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,153
Life hurts, son.
330
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,600
You know, I learned something
when your mom and me
331
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,157
went through our little troubles
back there.
332
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,619
Sometimes it's easy to fly off the handle
but hard to say what you really feel.
333
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,371
Bridget Fitzsimmons.
334
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,370
I'm glad you're my son.
335
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,319
- I'm really proud...
- I have to go to the bathroom.
336
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,178
What?! No. Don't leave your spot.
337
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,722
I'm sorry, Dad,
but I'm about to have diarrhea.
338
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,182
As your father, I'm telling you
339
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,327
- to make it stop.
- I can't. I'm starting to come out.
340
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,394
Suck it back in.
341
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:57,814
We're having a father-son moment,
you fucking ingrate.
342
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,608
Don't you even think of leaving.
343
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,693
Yes, mein Führer.
344
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,153
Whoop.
345
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,720
So, I'm back on the market again.
346
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,657
I haven't dated in years.
347
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,785
I guess you could say
I'm discounted for clearance.
348
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,787
Ginny? Ginny Throater.
349
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,455
Oh, fuck me.
350
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,790
Oh, hi Sue.
351
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,458
How are you holding up?
352
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,168
How do you think?
353
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:24,480
Greg's living an honest life now,
so I'm not allowed to complain.
354
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:27,635
Well, you won't have any complaints
with my new invention.
355
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,137
Does it vibrate?
356
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,847
- No.
- Aw.
357
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,807
It's called the Carrot Crisper.
358
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,685
Sue, can I be brutally honest?
359
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,603
I came here today for one reason.
360
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:41,482
To watch the parade and meet a man
who isn't repulsed by my kunker.
361
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,942
Is that so much to ask?
362
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,236
No, it isn't.
363
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,113
Sorry I bothered you.
364
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,825
Chin up, Sue. Life is beautiful.
365
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,910
Let's get them, girls.
366
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:58,624
Let's hear it for the Malcolm X
Shabazz High School Justice Warriors.
367
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:02,753
A hundred and fifty strong and proudly
dedicated to the struggle for equal...
368
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,157
I'm not reading the rest of this.
369
00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:06,799
Hey, Kevin. Thirsty?
370
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,885
We brought soda.
371
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,970
A special kind of soda.
372
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:14,390
With something extra added to the soda.
373
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,726
Something that's not soda.
374
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,270
- Something from Russia.
- I get it.
375
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:20,938
Stop being so obvious.
376
00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:24,734
Dad. Can I please go hang out
with Bolo and Lex?
377
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,819
- No.
- God, this is like a kidnapping.
378
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,339
You're my property, Kevin.
I'll stuff you in the trunk if I want to.
379
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,324
- Dad, come on.
- I'll come on you.
380
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:38,800
It's cool, Mr. Murphy.
We'll help you save the chairs.
381
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,125
Thank you. Why can't you be
more like your friends, Kevin?
382
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,422
That's the green death.
383
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,391
Ah.
384
00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,519
The blessings of Christ on you.
385
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,895
Oop.
386
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:06,400
Murphy! I told you to stay away
from my sister, you goddamn turd fucker.
387
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,152
James! Language.
388
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,904
Sorry, Father.
389
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,782
Gosh darn, turd fucker.
390
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,389
The carrots are whirled to crispness
by this amazing...
391
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,916
Ma'am, have you been handing
these flyers out along the parade?
392
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,334
Uh, yes.
393
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:25,503
I'm afraid I have to write you a ticket.
394
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:29,257
What?! I don't need a vendor's permit.
I'm not selling anything.
395
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,591
That's very clear.
396
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,302
I'm giving you
a 100-dollar fine for littering.
397
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,555
A hundred dollars?
398
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,765
That's a semester of college.
399
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,601
I love soda.
400
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,220
God help this generation.
401
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:48,442
Here comes the Rustland Air Force Base
Fighting 49th.
402
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:49,860
The Air Force!
403
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,321
What a beautiful sight.
404
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,757
After bravely fighting the fight
405
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,450
those quitters in Washington
wouldn't let them finish,
406
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,453
these sky warriors have returned
with honor, valor,
407
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,914
and a tenacious strain of gonorrhea.
408
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,252
You stand up
and show these men some respect.
409
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,547
When are you guys going to win one?
410
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,802
You're a fucking embarrassment,
you know that? Get out!
411
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:17,555
Yes! We've been paroled.
412
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,266
This will be my summer of freedom.
413
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,726
Ow, my dick!
414
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,271
Here comes the computer club.
415
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,815
They're out of this world
in their space office.
416
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,443
Let's hear it
for these future astronauts...
417
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,738
or computer technicians.
This float confuses me.
418
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,448
Is someone sitting here?
419
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,742
Yes! Goddamn it, back off.
420
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:40,770
These chairs are all mine.
421
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,245
Fucking draft dodgers.
422
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,246
Hi, Scotty.
423
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,706
Say hi to Mommy.
424
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,416
- Hey!
- We're so proud of you.
425
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,461
No one can see me back here.
426
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,338
Screw this!
427
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,591
- Maureen, no, you'll die in space!
- I don't care.
428
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,301
She's broken the air lock.
429
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,428
We're all going to die!
430
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:58,929
Maureen, be a good girl.
431
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:01,682
Get off of the space station
and go back to your satellite.
432
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:02,975
I hate this parade,
433
00:19:03,590 --> 00:19:04,977
and this isn't even
a real computer anyway,
434
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:07,521
it's a stupid refrigerator box.
435
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,439
Hey!
436
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,240
Nice going, Maureen.
437
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,777
You just kicked a boy in a wheelchair.
438
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,946
It's okay. I didn't feel it.
439
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,239
Hey! That's mine.
440
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,826
Daddy, point the camera at me.
I'm right here.
441
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,244
You gave up your spot.
442
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,954
The hell I did. It's mine.
443
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,916
Fucking kid.
- Give it.
444
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,430
You can't do this to me.
445
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,212
I'm sorry, but I have to enforce the law.
446
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,798
If I ignored the little things,
where would we be?
447
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,633
Suck jobs.
448
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:37,801
Ah!
449
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:50,856
Jimmy Fitzsimmons!
450
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,274
Oh, shit.
451
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:53,859
Goddammit, let go.
452
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,361
Give it! My dad's a cop.
453
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,405
My dad's an asshole. Fuck off!
454
00:19:57,988 --> 00:19:58,988
Ow!
455
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,117
Oh, Jesus.
456
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,760
Daddy!
457
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,327
Holy shit.
458
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,745
Hang on, Jeffrey.
459
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,248
So cold.
460
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,585
How was reform school, you little thief?
461
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,254
Uh, it was all right.
462
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:17,216
You steal from me again,
I'll chase you down.
463
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,843
I got a new wooden leg.
464
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,678
A negro leg.
465
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:22,221
Bridget.
466
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,580
I warned you
to stay away from her, Murphy.
467
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,936
Ow!
468
00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:30,730
What the fuck are you doing to my son?
469
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:33,274
He gave me a beer and then he touched me.
470
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,260
It wasn't sexual.
I was just trying to hurt him.
471
00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:37,319
I tell you I can't win.
472
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,720
Everyone's going out of their way
to ruin my Memorial Day.
473
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:43,701
All I wanted to do was start off my summer
with my family by watching a parade.
474
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:47,413
Are they here or did you open
your fat mouth and scare them off too?
475
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,810
They're here. There's my wife.
476
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:51,601
- This is police brutality.
- My daughter's on that float.
477
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,440
That's my son.
478
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,337
Get off of him!
479
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,465
And that's my other son.
480
00:20:58,900 --> 00:20:59,133
He's resting.
481
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,138
Look at this man.
482
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,349
Do you see the pain, the shame?
483
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,810
Daddy's not going to arrest him.
484
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,854
'Cause there's nothing a jail cell
could do to him
485
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,564
that he hasn't already done to himself.
486
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,485
His life is his prison.
487
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:22,490
Jeffrey, people like that
need to be eliminated.
488
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:26,744
Son, how about you and me
get some ice cream, huh?
489
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,954
Enjoy your chairs.
490
00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:31,415
They're as empty as your life.
491
00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:33,000
Ha!
492
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,140
Ow.
493
00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:50,476
Fucking sun.
494
00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:53,729
Ooh, are you okay?
495
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,482
I can feel the heat
coming off of your body from here.
496
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:57,608
I'll be fine.
497
00:21:58,192 --> 00:21:59,819
It'll hurt like hell for a week.
498
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:01,439
I'll have fun peeling it off
499
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:03,697
and then I have a nice base
for the rest of the summer.
500
00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:08,350
Christ, now this one hates me too?
501
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,161
What's got into him?
502
00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:12,623
Frank, he's just being protective
'cause I'm pregnant.
503
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,875
I hate to waste one of my
best socks but...
504
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,794
Go on, boy, go get that sock.
505
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:18,921
You go get that sock. You get that sock.
506
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,798
Stupid maniac.
507
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:24,385
I think we need to talk about
what happened today.
508
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,347
What do you mean what happened today,
we had fun at a parade.
509
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,267
You fought a nine year old...
whose father is a cop.
510
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,810
I didn't know that.
511
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:35,130
I thought I was just fighting
a regular nine year old.
512
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,981
Frank, come on.
513
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,651
You were out of sorts all day
and I wasn't in much better shape.
514
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,280
If we learned anything
from all that hell we went through,
515
00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:44,822
it's we have to communicate.
516
00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:47,700
I want you to tell me the truth.
517
00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:50,350
Does this have anything to do
with the baby coming?
518
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:52,496
No.
519
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:55,400
Why would I be upset
about the baby coming?
520
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:58,127
When I told you I was pregnant,
you put your fist through the wall.
521
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:02,339
I was looking for a stud so I could
hang a picture of how happy I was.
522
00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:05,301
- That's ridiculous.
- So is having a kid at 40.
523
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:10,431
Okay, it was a bit of a shock at first,
but I'm fine now.
524
00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:14,310
We'd just got our marriage back and we had
all these things we were going to do.
525
00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:16,610
We'll still do them.
526
00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:18,981
Ah, you'll come up
with a great new product...
527
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,984
whatever it is,
and I'll get those flight lessons someday.
528
00:23:22,670 --> 00:23:24,820
- We've got plenty of time.
- I guess you're right.
529
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:27,740
One more baby's not going to
knock us off our stride.
530
00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:29,450
We're veterans at this.
531
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,350
They should have a parade for us.
532
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,412
We've already done this three times
and nobody's died...
533
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:35,800
- for very long.
- Yeah.
534
00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:37,410
- We brought him back.
- We did bring him back.
535
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:39,840
And the kids are practically grown now.
536
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:41,450
They can take care of themselves.
537
00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:44,632
This summer is for taking the time to do
what we want to do. Right?
538
00:23:44,715 --> 00:23:47,343
- Sure.
- So, you're not worried.
539
00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:51,639
No! No, not anymore. I feel great now.
540
00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:53,349
Good. Me too.
541
00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:55,726
- Good night.
- Good night.
542
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,620
Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow.
543
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:05,277
♪ Well, you say you got the blues ♪
544
00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,864
♪ You got holes in both of your shoes ♪
545
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:10,658
♪ Yeah ♪
546
00:24:10,741 --> 00:24:13,869
♪ You're feeling alone and confused ♪
547
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,704
♪ You got to keep on smiling ♪
548
00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:19,410
♪ Just keep on smiling ♪
549
00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:20,501
♪ Yeah, you're ♪
550
00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:23,879
♪ You're about to go insane ♪
551
00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:28,842
♪ 'Cause your woman's playing games ♪
552
00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:32,429
♪ And she says that you're to blame ♪
553
00:24:32,513 --> 00:24:34,560
♪ You try to keep on smiling... ♪
554
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:36,767
Come on, Sue. You can do it.
555
00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:39,561
You're going to finish this.
Come up with a new invention.
556
00:24:39,645 --> 00:24:40,854
Go back to college.
557
00:24:42,523 --> 00:24:43,732
Damn it.
558
00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:46,680
There's no time.
559
00:24:46,694 --> 00:24:47,987
God damn it!
560
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:52,740
I never finish anything.
561
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:54,952
Oh, boy.
562
00:24:56,370 --> 00:25:02,334
♪ Keep on smiling through the rain ♪
563
00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:06,171
♪ Laughing at the pain ♪
564
00:25:07,673 --> 00:25:10,592
♪ Rolling with the changes ♪
565
00:25:11,927 --> 00:25:14,680
♪ And singing this refrain ♪
566
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:19,476
♪ Singing in a honky tonk cafe ♪
567
00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:23,856
♪ Nobody's hearing what you play ♪
568
00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:25,274
♪ Yeah ♪
569
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,110
♪ They're too busy drinking anyway ♪
570
00:25:28,902 --> 00:25:30,946
♪ You got to keep on smiling ♪
571
00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:33,782
♪ Brother, keep on smiling ♪
572
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:38,495
♪ You say you found a piece of land ♪
39858
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